


Stay With Me

by piratenat



Series: Stay With Me; Always [1]
Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, Alternate Universe - Punk, Fluff and Angst, I Don't Even Know, I'll add more as I go along, Implied/Referenced Drug Use, Jealousy, Kim Jong Bros, Kim Jong Brothers, Love/Hate, M/M, Minor Character Death, Minor Violence, Underage Drinking, Underage Smoking, Unrequited Love, and nerdy yixing as well, even though he's not really a nerd here, there needs to be more punk jongdae tbh
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-02-05
Updated: 2016-10-27
Packaged: 2018-05-18 09:19:37
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 26
Words: 212,967
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5921911
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/piratenat/pseuds/piratenat
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Kim Jongdae is the school's punk who is just misunderstood. Zhang Yixing wants to change that, but also because there's a possibility that he might be in love with him without knowing anything about him first. The two are complete opposites. One gets into trouble a lot, the other is always stuck being the "sober" "calm" friend everywhere he goes. The two hit it off and when things get too complicated, or more like their friends don't want them together at all, they won't hesitate to tell the other to "Stay with me."</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This may or may not be long but if it is, I encourage you to skip. This story or idea has been stuck in my head since last year but never had the guts to post it up because the first 3 or 4 versions became too complicated and just wouldn't work out. This time I just decided to write and post it up and see how it goes along, even though I wanted everything written out first. I encourage any criticism whatsoever of any kind. Seriously, if it sucks let me know and I'll try to change that. This is my first attempt at anything chaptered, especially with this group, and my first attempt with male×male relationships and I seriously hope they come out as real "you meet any day or time" kind of people. If anything is confusing or if you have some sort of question, please let me know and I'll gladly answer with the best of my ability. Yeah that's about it. Sorry for the long rant, I hope you enjoy ^^ Its rated M just to be on the safe side. Also damn Kim Jong bros. I just couldn't keep away. And also lol what is that summary. Oh well. Enjoy! ^^

The white smoke slowly being exhaled through thin pouty lips has Yixing entranced from across the room. It fogs up the person's face and the area around the person as well but Yixing can see those same lips turning into a wide smile, showing teeth and all as the smoke begins to fade. He's seen the person's face already but he can't help but look and look again as he wants to memorize the guy's cheek bones and the dark hair and the thin wide lips that turn into a gorgeous bright smile and the teasing tongue peeking out every once a while to wetten the dry lips. He wants to remember the outfit as well to serve as a visual if he can't remember the face, but he's sure he'll remember the face. He'll definitely remember the face, even if it keeps fogging up with a cloud of smoke. A black leather jacket over a cut out low neck T-shirt that shows off the chest tattoo and a hint of a neck tattoo too. He can't make out what it is but it's there and it's calling out for him as he wants a closer look. The messy bed hair look works wonders as Yixing wants to run his fingers through it to style it in all the ways he can but leaving it messy is what he'll end up with. The dark eyeliner fits him and the beer in his other hand fits him as well, but the girl he's got his arm wrapped around the waist does not.

He keeps pressing her closer to him, every now and then she leans close pressing kisses against the guy's neck while his arm trails down towards her ass as if implying that he's getting a handful of her very flat ass. If Yixing's honest, and screw it he is, the guy has more of a better ass than she does. Its not because the jeans are tight, although it helps, but the guy really has an amazing ass and Yixing is jealous because he himself doesn't have an amazing ass like that. His friends claim he's flat and OK he'll admit it, he doesn't have anything there at all but the girl is definitely flatter than him. Yixing makes a disgusted face and turns away to stop himself from keep on staring at him but he can't help it, the guy is so pretty and so not in the same social group as him at all. They're at the same party but they don't have the same group of friends at all. Yixing is there because his friend, Chanyeol, had his first band gig with the band he joined a couple of months back and was there to give him support, while tattoo guy was there either to crash the party or had friends in charge of the party or had a friend performing tonight as there was more than one band performing or was a performer himself. Yixing didn't know the answer but he really wanted to find out, so he pushes his glasses further in his face as they're slipping and walks away to find his friends.

When he first arrived, the party was a bit empty. Everyone hanging out outside as they watched the bands perform as the bands performed on top of the roof. The roof itself isn't that flat so Yixing doesn't understand how the heck the band equipment and band members are not falling off. When he first saw Chanyeol carrying his bass drum to set up, he probably held his breath throughout the show as he was afraid that Chanyeol would fall off but Chanyeol being the drummer got stuck a bit more at the back towards the flatten area while the singer and guitar player were closer to the edge of the roof where they can actually fall off. When he saw Chanyeol singing along and smiling, or more like grinning like the Cheshire cat, Yixing started jumping and singing along as his friend was having a good time and it radiated across the audience. Now the party is packed with drunken idiots and clouds of smoke everywhere and really loud heavy bass music coming from somewhere. He thinks it's coming from the roof as he's sure he saw a dj guy come over and started setting up.

He's walking down a narrow hallway, and it's narrow as there are people leaning against the wall talking or dancing or apparently making babies as some are pinning their partners against the wall and making out and, _oh God_ he hopes that the people by the corner are kissing but it looks like it's not even close to kissing at all. His face twists into disgust and horror as he passes by them and although the music is loud he can faintly hear gasping and moaning. He shudders as he makes his way to the backyard trying to erase the image out of his head but he groans as the backyard is more packed than the inside of the house. At least inside he leaned against the wall with no one around him as he watched the tattoo guy from across the room. He scans the area hoping to see a familiar face, when he sees some people sitting on top of the brick wall that borders the house's backyard with the small street that leads to the main one. He squints to see clearly as there's poor lighting outside and spots one of his friends, Sehun, drinking from a cup and kicking his legs around. He doesn't know why he's doing so but it must be because he's drunk so he makes his way over anyway.

"Sehun!"

"YIXING! Guys, look it's Yixing." Sehun says as he jumps down the wall and wraps an arm around Yixing's shoulder, pulling him close. He can smell booze on him even with him standing about a foot away from him and it's gross. He can smell a different smell as well and he's hoping Sehun is not doing that. "What brings you here, Yixing? Are you ready to hang out with me?"

"Where's everyone else at?" He asks, making Sehun pout. He looks kind of cute but it's hard to take him seriously when he can't stand still.

"Is that all I am to you? Your second choice and messenger? I'm hurt!"

"I'm sorry Sehun. Don't take it like that. You're always my first choice. I'm just wondering why you're by yourself, that's all." He lies as he struggles to hold Sehun up who is now giggling like a little girl and covering his mouth with his hand. He points at Yixing as he turns his head to look at the guys who are sitting on the border wall and smiles.

"Always looking out for everyone. Isn't he great?" He says towards the guys who are not even paying attention to him then turns his attention to Yixing, placing his large hand over his cheek then giving it a pat. "They said they were going in, that they'll be right out and Tao promised more booze but he hasn't brought anything yet. Where is he? Have you seen him?"

Yixing shakes his head, setting Sehun down to sit on the floor so he won't be standing too much. His glasses moved from Sehun's arm brushing against them so he takes them off for a second and starts cleaning them up with his T-shirt. A thin frame round glasses that look really fragile but have actually gone through so much, Yixing is no longer surprised at what they can take. As soon as they're perched right on his face he spots Baekhyun walking out, holding drinks in his hands, carefully moving through the crowd of people dancing outside. "Baekhyun!"

"Hey Yixing! Where you've been? We were wondering where you were?"

Yixing doesn't answer, instead grabs one of Baekhyun's cups to see what it is, hoping it's water. When he takes a sip, his face shifts into disgust as that was not water at all. "You don't have water with you?"

"Hell no. Why do you want some anyway?" Baekhyun asks, taking a sip of his drink and actually drinking it all as he gets started on the other drink Yixing was currently holding.

"Sehun is shitfaced. He needs to sober up a bit." At the mention of Sehun, Baekhyun's eyes widen as he finally looks at the figure on the floor and sees that Sehun is the one there.

"Whoa! I did not see him there. Hey Sehun!" He waves as Sehun very uncordinately raises his hand to wave back, his eyes wanting to close right this second. Yixing just sighs and rolls his eyes as his friends can be dumb sometimes but then he remembers that there are drugs floating around somewhere so he asks. "Please tell me that you didn't smoke weed."

"OK? I did not smoke weed." He says very clearly but then giggles.

"Ugh Baekhyun! Seriously?"

"What? I had to. We came to have a good time. Someone was going on and on about having the best kush and we just had to try it and oh my God I feel great. I feel so relax and carefree." Baekhyun then starts raising his arms in the air as if airing his pits but if Baekhyun didn't tell him that he was high at the moment then he would be looking really ridiculous right now. Yixing just shakes his head in disappointment at his friend and once again sighs. Once again he's in charge of being the sober friend tonight when he didn't even want to come in the first place. One good thing though about the whole thing other than supporting his friend Chanyeol, he got to point out the prettiest person in the whole damn party. Now he couldn't ask any of his friends if they knew the guy since they were off somewhere high as fuck or drunk as hell. Yixing sighs for the third time that time and leans down to help Sehun stand up and hook Baekhyun's arm with his as they make their way inside the house.

"Come on. Lets go get you two some water and some snacks to munch on." He says dragging and half carrying his friends inside. As soon as they walk in they're already at the kitchen and thank God too because Sehun is a million times bigger than him and Baekhyun, somewhat holding back, is heavy to drag along as well, he also spots his friends Luhan, Minseok, and Chanyeol there having some sort of discussion about underwear? He quickly runs towards the table where there's unlimited supply of empty plastic cups, soda and alcoholic drinks, and some chips and other crispy snacks to snack on. He grabs two cups and fills them with water then grabs a plastic Ziploc bag to fill up with an assortment of chips for Baekhyun to munch on. When he's done he leans against the table and literally wipes the sweat off of his forehead and let's out a sigh of relief. He would never understand why people party and bring sodas and chips if they're just going to go to waste but seeing his friends stoned or drunk makes sense. If there's going to be weed they need something to eat or they will get hungry and the whole having sodas and waters is mainly so they can mix the alcohol with something just to get more and more drunk then sober up then drink more and more again. He hates all of it if he's honest or maybe it's because he was raised that way.

"Whats up with you?" Luhan asks, turning his body towards Yixing to give him his full attention. He doesn't look too drunk or stoned at all and neither does Minseok so Yixing sighs in relief.

"Sehun is drunk as heck and Baekhyun is drunk and high and mentioned that you guys smoked something so I thought I would be finding you all stoned as hell." He says as he watches Sehun drink his water down thinking it's alcohol while Baekhyun leans against Chanyeol and chews on a chip Yixing gave him a bag full of and was wanting to rub it in Chanyeol's face.

"Oh no. We would so be more shitfaced than them. Its just that coach likes to do weekly drug tests recently and calling them a "surprise" when he always does them on Mondays. So we're staying on the down low for tonight." Minseok explains as Luhan nods vigorously. Yixing groans as he rolls his eyes.

"Seriously? So I'll be stuck by myself handling all of you if you guys "weren't on the down low?" He asks, feeling a hand go on his shoulder and getting squeezed, no doubt from Luhan.

"Chill. We're not shitfaced right now so don't worry. And even if we were, you still have Junmyeon. He'll help."

"Actually Junmyeon ran off, I don't know where."

"I do!" Chanyeol yells out after Minseok, his hand up in the air as if waiting for the teacher to call on him, or in this case Yixing to call on him. "I know where Junmyeon is."

"Where is he?"

"He went upstairs with a girl with a bottle in hand." Yixing froze a little at that. He's had a crush on Junmyeon for a really long time but never made his feelings known or even gave a slight hint to him about them because he knows that even though they're a bit close, Junmyeon has a thing for someone else. A tall basketball player else. Junmyeon is a lot like Yixing though. He doesn't make his feelings known to the basketball player at all, or that's what everyone thought until just recently Kris, the basketball player, came to school pretty beat up and no one knows why. Junmyeon stayed home that day, which he never does as he has a perfect attendance record, and surprised everyone even more because he knew what happened to Kris and it was his fault that it happened.

_"We were hanging out and then one thing led to another and his mom found us. She was so angry and so upset, she almost attacked me but he pushed her away and told me to leave. I couldn't leave him. She kept beating him up and I couldn't do anything to help him. Its my fault he got beat up and now he doesn't want to see me ever again."_

Junmyeon was so upset. Not because the guy he's had a crush on for a real long time got hurt and doesn't want to see him ever again, but because the guy he's had a crush on for a real long time happens to also be his best friend since childhood. The two were a random rare pair. Junmyeon is seen as nerdy and always has good grades and is really bad at sports and always follows the rules while Kris is seen as the opposite of that but in reality their personalities are each others opposites. Kris is a bit more nerdy while Junmyeon is the one who pushes Kris to do something more fun and out there. Opposites attract sometimes and these two definitely fit that really well. They decided to go party to cheer Junmyeon up as he was positively sure that his friendship with Kris was entirely over. Now he was going upstairs with a girl, about to make the stupidest mistake of his life, especially when he's not attracted to girls at all.

"Guys we need to stop him."

"Yeah. No kidding, but he's not going to listen to any of us and you know that." Luhan says as Minseok agrees and Chanyeol is whining as Baekhyun is hitting him for whatever reason and Sehun is looking for some more of the drink Yixing provided him. He cannot be the only one going up there to stop Junmyeon. He just cannot, but seriously, his friends are idiots sometimes. He sighs and shakes his head as this night is not going well for him.

"Should I get Kris to stop him?" He suggests hoping that it's right and his sober friends will think it's a great idea and will encourage him to go through with it.

"Kris is the reason why Junmyeon is trying to hook up with a girl in the first place-"

"No doubt trying to make him jealous too."

Yixing hates it when they do that. He's staring at both Minseok and Luhan with wide eyes and his mouth slightly agape. They do it a lot but it never ceases to surprise him. They should just get married as soon as graduation comes around, he thinks. They finish each other's sentences like a married couple, argue like a married couple, and always spend their time together like a married couple. It wouldn't surprise Yixing if two months after graduation he receives a wedding invitation from the two of them. The only way it will all come together is if they also adopt Sehun as their child. It doesn't matter who started or who finished, if it's the both of them it all comes out as one. Even as captains of the soccer team there's obviously a team captain and a co-captain, but to the both of them, they're both just one captain. The team sees that and the rest of the school faculty sees that too. Sehun is just their baby who will tie everything together. Their lives will be perfect.

"Ugh! I'm just gonna go. Watch them." Yixing groans as he turns around and goes towards the living room to reach the stairs and go find Junmyeon. The stairs are full of some people sitting around, talking or smoking. The hallway upstairs is full of people waiting in line for the bathroom or an empty room and Yixing's gut is telling him to go to the far end room because that's where Junmyeon is at. There's a small foyer upstairs with a couch and coffee table and flat screen, and he's sure he saw Tao sitting there making out with some stranger. Yixing is older than him yet he's managed to get some tonight while Yixing is off playing babysitter. He can't complain though because he's just a really good hearted person who puts others before himself. He just doesn't see himself like that. If his friends are getting lucky, then he's happy for them. Who cares if he is or not. He's happy that they're happy, although right now he's a bit upset at his friends because it's always the same thing. They always wind up leaving him alone when he didn't want to come in the first place or making him run around after them to make sure they're all alright or trying to solve drama. Like right now.

"Junmyeon? Are you in there?" Yixing asks, giving a knock on the door. He hears a "go away" and he sighs in relief as his gut was right. "Junmyeon, it's Yixing. Can you please let me in?" He tries again but all he hears is silence. Something is going on in the room and he has no idea what. "Junmyeon. Don't do this. I know you're hurt and upset but that's not going to change Kris' mind. You and I both know that you should talk to him." Suddenly the door flew open and out walked out the girl that Junmyeon probably towed with him, enraged with fury. Yixing doesn't care about her nor does he want to so he quickly walks in and closes the door behind him. He finds Junmyeon slouching on the edge of the bed alone and holding what seems to be a wine bottle. He looks so ethereal like this but it's a bit upsetting that he looks so sad and broken. Yixing's heart clenched that he's not the one who can cheer him up. He knows Junmyeon wants Kris and although Kris is somewhere around the party it's too soon to make the two talk. Or at least he's not sure if Kris even wants to talk to him at all. Junmyeon claims that that's what Kris wants but Junmyeon can exaggerate sometimes.

"I thought that if I hooked up with a girl, he'll be the one to barge in. Not you." Junmyeon was being honest and although it stung a little, Yixing didn't care. His friend needed him and that's what he was going to be. A friend. He reached for the wine bottle to take it away from Junmyeon's hands knowing very well that the reason he was like this was because the alcohol enhanced his depression. Whatever mood he was in and Junmyeon would drink, it would always enhance it. He doesn't even want to think about Kris right now and if he's doing alright or not. Maybe Yixing is selfish for only wanting to be with the guy he's liked for so long and making sure he's alright but in a way he's also angry with Kris. The two have had a special friendship since they were kids and Kris is willing to throw all of it away without a fight. If it was Yixing, he'll fight till the end because Junmyeon is just that special to him. He holds his hand and makes sure his fingers are laced tight as Junmyeon, not that big at showing skinship, is leaning his head against his shoulder as he cries silently. Yixing just let's him, giving his hand a squeeze to let him know that he's there for him. "You're a good friend, Yixing. Thank you for always being there for me."

"Anytime, Junmyeon. I'll always be there." He says back quietly as the two continue to sit in silence. After a long while of the two sitting there, Junmyeon decides that he's OK now that he's ready to go back out. Yixing nods and stands up, ready to follow Junmyeon out when the door suddenly swings open and a frozen tattoo guy and the same girl he was with earlier are standing by the door and looking really surprised at one another then at both Junmyeon and Yixing.

"Oh shit. We thought it was empty. Our bad. Continue your erotic wet dream. Whatever it may be." He comments as he grins then jerks his eyebrows up suggestively then proceeds to close the door after him. Yixing hears him laugh as soon as the door is closed and for some strange reason he finds the whole thing amusing while Junmyeon just scoffs and reaches for the wine bottle to take back.

"God I hate that guy. He's such a dick. Wouldn't you agree?"

Yixing quickly changes his facial expression and shrugs as he doesn't know what Junmyeon is talking about. "I don't know who he is. Who is he?"

"You seriously don't know? He's Kim Jongdae. He goes to our school and is the trouble maker. He's such an asshole." Yixing just tightens his lips into a hard line as he doesn't know what to say. He's never seen or heard about him before until today at the party. He finds the guy attractive. Really attractive but feelings wise he doesn't compare to Junmyeon. And if he's honest, the only reason why he even wanted to learn about the guy was to forget Junmyeon for a bit but it turns out that he can't. But now that he knows his name, Kim Jongdae; and he's sure he's remembered his face, he's going to have a lot on his mind later on at home. Because Kim Jongdae walking in on them and making an offensive comment and gesture made Yixing way too happy that it was Jongdae that barged in on them. Too happy.

"Looks are deceiving." He wants to say out loud but he doesn't. Because Junmyeon may see him as a trouble maker or an asshole, Yixing sees a beautiful man who's just misunderstood.

-

The rest of the party goes by with Yixing and Junmyeon staying by each other's side the whole time. Junmyeon is trying so hard not to follow or even look towards Kris' direction while Yixing's gaze follows Jongdae around the whole time. It wasn't even hard since wherever Jongdae will go, the two of them will be right there in the same room. It was annoying though that the girl he was with, Ms. Flat Ass, would always try to stick her tongue down his throat even when Jongdae didn't want to. There will be times where he would be deep in conversation with, Yixing thought it was his friends but apparently not since a fight almost broke out between them all because of Ms. Flat Ass, and she would sit on his lap and begin kissing him, not caring if the people were watching or not. Yixing saw how Jongdae will tell her no or to hold on for a minute or two but she would insist. So naturally his friends got annoyed that he kept paying attention to her than at them and started to yell at him on how she's just a hook up and he should leave her but Ms. Flat Ass got offended and blah blah blah. Least to say, Yixing was a bit happy that Ms. Flat Ass walked away and left Jongdae alone with his friends. When it was time to leave he became a bit disappointed as he saw Jongdae and Ms. Flat Ass alone in some dark corner at the front of the house pressed up against each other and whispering whatever into each others ears. He made sure he made a disgusted sound out loud towards her as him and half of his friends walked back towards the car.

He's always the first person to get dropped off at home since his place is always the "closest" whenever they go out, but he thinks Luhan likes to drop him off first or his mom will get upset coming home and finding that her son is not there. He snuck in quietly just in case but as he was walking down the hall to get into his room, the bathroom door suddenly flew open and his mom stood there with a towel wrapped around her head, holding a blow dryer and yelling "thief" out loud.

"Mom! Its just me! Its Yixing!" He yells out as his hands are in the air but mostly to shield his face from whatever was coming towards him, more apparently to shield his face from the really hot air of the blow dryer.

"Yixing? What time is this for you to be getting home so late? Where were you? Why didn't you call that you were going to be late? Huh?" She suddenly starts smacking her son as Yixing tries to get away and cries out in "pain".

"Ow! Sorry. I forgot. Ow!"

"You forgot? Sure you did. And I forgot that I'm the queen." She says sarcastically as she continues to smack her son then proceeds to blow some air at him which makes him cry out a bit louder and make her laugh a little. "Oh shut it you big baby, it's not so bad. How was it? Did you have fun?" Yixing looks at her with a slight glare then straightens up as he watches his mom from the mirror, watching her remove the towel and put the curling iron in her hair and begin rolling her hair in it. Her hair is somewhat damp so he watches the steam slowly disappear up towards the ceiling.

"It was OK. It was one of "those" parties so I once again got stuck babysitting. Junmyeon got really depressed and almost hooked up with a girl." Yixing's emphasis on those made his mom realize just what kind of party her son was at. Although Yixing being her only son and somewhat protective of him, she trusts him more than anything in the world so when he says that he got stuck babysitting, she knows that her son didn't engage into drinking or smoking or sex. If he did, he'll still tell her anyway because that's the way they work. Communication and trust is key. "Why are you up? Shouldn't you be resting?" He asks, as his mom turns to look at him, still holding the curling iron in her hair.

"Got a double shift. I just told them that I really needed a shower so now I'm getting ready to go back out." She starts uncurling the iron, Yixing watches how her hair is now a boucy curl and moves his hand towards it to play with it. She smacks his hand away as she begins on another curl.

"But didn't you just have a double shift, now you're taking another?" He whines and she laughs. Yixing rarely whines so she finds it cute when he does so.

"I'm a nurse in a hospital, Yixing. What do you expect?"

"But I feel like I haven't seen you in forever though." He continues to whine as she smiles at her son. She sets the curling iron down as soon as she's done and turns around to face him placing both hands on his cheeks.

"I miss you too but I gotta work. I'll tell you what though, I have the day off Monday, you can stay in and we'll go out and get breakfast and spend the whole day to ourselves. What do you say?" Yixing makes a face, one she calls his thinking face as he chews on his lip and thinks about it.

"I can't. I have a test that day. I can't miss it."

"Good boy." She says patting his cheek then getting back to doing her hair. She's proud of her son for being so resposible but if he were to ask if he can stay she won't hesitate on writing him a doctor's note. Its not like he misses a lot either. One day of staying home from school won't be so bad. "Its really late Yixing. You should go to bed. Have any plans this afternoon?"

Yixing shakes his head at her. "No. I think I'll stay in and finish homework. Maybe Luhan might come over. Can he?"

"Of course. I'll leave extra money on the table for you two to go out or order in." She then hands him the curling iron and turns around, back facing him as she looks at the reflection in the mirror. "Can you curl my hair in the back? I can't reach." Yixing laughs as he finishes up for her. As soon as he's done he's off to his room with an appreciative pat from his mom on his butt and a good night even though dawn is upon them. His mom is pretty cool, he thinks.

-

The weekend went by as quickly as it came and now Yixing was dying for the weekend to get here already. He sat in class doodling on the margins of his notebook not paying attention to chemistry class at all. He knows he should but his mind kept thinking about the party and a certain tattooed someone. If Jongdae does go to their school how come he's never seen him before? Yixing is sure he'll remember a face like Jongdae's. If names don't stick to him then he knows faces will and Jongdae's face was definitely someone Yixing has never seen before until that night. He removes his glasses to start wiping them with his shirt as they look dirty and as he does so his mind starts to think negatively. He doesn't think of himself that handsome so what are the chances for a guy like Jongdae to notice him when he can't even get his friend and someone he's a lot alike with to notice him. And why does he even think that he has a chance with him anyway when Jongdae clearly made it clear that he prefers girls with flat butts.

"Stupid Luhan and making me go to a stupid party I didn't even want to go to. Now I'm all upset and have mixed feelings, when I shouldn't even have them in the first place." He mumbles as he continues to wipe his glasses a bit more roughly. He's looking down at them not wanting to make contact with anyone at all as first of all he won't be able to see and secondly, as strange as it sounds he thinks that he looks way better with them on. When he's done and he finally looks up he's confused as to why half the class is looking at him weirdly.

"Yixing, are you OK? Want to go to the restroom or something?" His teacher asks, his cheeks growing red from embarrassment. He slowly shakes his head no and waits for the teacher to turn back around and look at the board so he can drop his head against the desk and groan.

"Stupid Luhan and trying to make me forget about Junmyeon. Stupid Jongdae for being so attractive and stirring up my heart. I'm not your type anyway so stop taking over my head. It will never be." He says to himself as he's not going to make the same mistake again and mumble it out loud for the class to hear.

-

When Yixing drops his lunch tray on the table and looks forward, he gasps a little as right on the other side of the outside eating area, Jongdae is sitting there by himself, bouncing his leg up and down as if on beat with a tune, tapping against the skateboard underneath his feet. He's wearing his leather jacket and low cut out T-shirt and sporting what seems to be a black eye and busted lip. The violets and slight greens of his bruise look so pretty, it reminds him of a watercolor canvas. The bright pink of his lip contrasts against his skin and hair, reminding him of Snow White, only with a bruise. He can't help but stare and Baekhyun has to physically pull him down to sit beside him as he hasn't sat down at all since he arrived.

"What are you looking at? Did someone get in trouble?" Baekhyun asks as he leans towards Yixing's personal space to basically get a good look of nothing, unless he figured it out and is trying to look at Jongdae. He lightly pushes him back to his spot as he picks up his spork and starts picking on the food, not feeling that hungry. "Seriously, what's up? You're too quiet."

"Nothing is wrong. I'm just tired." He answers honestly, glancing up towards Jongdae's direction to see what he's up to. He inwardly smiles as Jongdae is moving his head side to side as if listening to music. He's wearing earphones but people can't see them so they think that he's just randomly shaking his head for no reason. When he sees that people are staring he gives them a scowl that quickly makes the onlookers look somewhere else. Yixing smiles a little as if wanting to laugh but his attention goes back to the bruise and lip. How did he get it? Who did this to him? Why is he by himself? So many questions and no answers at all. Unless he goes up to him and starts a conversation but he knows that Jongdae is a million times cooler than him and it will never happen.

"What do you keep looking at? What's over there?" Baekhyun asks, once again invading his personal space. Yixing laughs and pushes him back to his side.

"Nothing. Where's everybody at? Usually it's full outside but there's no one here." Yixing asks as he made an observation that there are literally only 6 people outside, including Jongdae. Usually the outside eating area is fuller than the cafeteria itself but right now it seemed like a ghost town.

"They're at the assembly at the gym. Everyone is there." Sehun mumbles as he doesn't look up from his phone at all. Its kind of a funny sight to Yixing because all he can think about is how sometimes when they walk to a small coffee shop a block away from school, Sehun doesn't look up at all from his phone and always seems to know where he's going. And just thinking of that reminds Yixing of the time he went to a laundry mat with Luhan and the genious smacked his face right against the clear door of the dryers they have against the wall. He's silently laughing to himself when Baekhyun interrupts him.

"I understand why Minseok and Luhan and Kris are there, even Junmyeon and Chanyeol, but why is Tao there? He's not in a sport or in student body… whatever that club thing is called or in band." He says, Yixing noticing that he was drinking from a juice box, probably his no doubt.

Sehun looks up from his phone as if thinking about what to say but just cocks his head to the side. "Tao is staying all day with Junmyeon so he can avoid Kris. Also some of the teachers had to escort the students to the assembly so yeah." As soon as he's done, his gaze goes back to his phone again. Yixing doesn't say anything about Junmyeon. Honestly he's forgotten about what Junmyeon wanted to pull at the party to get Kris' attention, he hasn't even contacted him throughout the weekend to see if he's alright or anything. He had other things in mind. Or a certain someone was in his mind. He looks up and sees that _Jongin and Kyungsoo?_ are sitting right where Jongdae is sitting and are _having a conversation with him?_ What the hell?! He immediately stands up and calls out for Jongin all three of them turning around to see the source of the yell while Baekhyun looks a bit shocked, mixed with embarrassment while Sehun looks up at Yixing wondering what he missed.

"Yeah?"

"We're… right here." Yixing makes up as an excuse as he really had no idea why he freaking stood up in the first place. He was just so surprised to find that two of his friends were right there sitting with Jongdae and talking to him as if they knew him. If they know him then somehow, in some way, Yixing knows Jongdae too. And he's happy and excited about that. Now he has an excuse to talk to him. If he ever gets the guts to do so.

"OK. We'll be right there." Jongin says with a wave, going back to the conversation with Jongdae. Yixing gets shoved down on his seat by Baekhyun again, feeling his cheeks grow hot as he heard Jongdae laugh out loud at something, probably at his outburst. He wants to disappear. He wants to turn invisible and fly away as he let's out a long loud cry for embarrassing himself like that. He wants to bury his head in the ground like ostriches do and forget the whole thing but Baekhyun won't let him because his eyes are on him and he looks so serious.

"You like Kim Jongdae?!" Baekhyun half whispers and half says it out loud as Yixing looks around to see if anyone heard. Sehun did and he looks just as shocked as Baekhyun was before. "Why didn't you tell us?! What about Junmyeon?"

"What about Junmyeon?"

"You like him. You're wasting your chance to finally be with him by liking Kim Jongdae and not being the friend that Junmyeon needs right now." Yixing scoffs at that. He was that friend Friday night at the party. Where was everybody else? He stuck by Junmyeon the whole night but honestly it was just one more kid Yixing had to babysit that time. Junmyeon is crazy about Kris and he's sure at some point, so was Kris. And he doesn't want to be the guy where he's going to be pinning for some guy who doesn't feel the same way as him back. Sure he's sort of getting those feelings for Jongdae but he's set on just being friends with the guy. Jongdae, besides his appearance being different, has something about him that Yixing wants to befriend. He's different than his friends and probably the whole school and Yixing really wants a chance to get to know him more, especially when it's his senior year and he doesn't want to go through the school year with regrets.

"I'm not wasting anything. Junmyeon is set on Kris and I should just back away from that because nothing is going to happen there."

"He has a point." Sehun comments and Yixing smiles at his direction, dimple displayed and all.

"Kris also told Junmyeon to never talk to him again and basically threw years of friendship between the two away. You have maybe about the same amount of friendship years with Junmyeon as well. He's bound to fall for you as soon as he realizes who has been there all this time."

"Baekhyun has a point on that also." Sehun adds one more time then tightens his lips into a line as both Baekhyun and Yixing are glaring at him for not helping.

"I rather not jump into anything right now. I'm sure Kris and Junmyeon are going to work things out, especially with years of friendship on the line. In the meantime, I'll just… enjoy the view."

"You mean Kim Jongdae view or view-view?" Sehun asks as he looks towards where Jongdae is sitting. "I guess I can see why you'll enjoy the view. He's kind of... hot. Definitely the bad boy."

"The bad boy to every girls wet dream." Baekhyun adds and Yixing's face shifts into disgust as that was inappropriate. He smacks Baekhyun in the arm a little then looks away to keep from staring too much towards Jongdae's direction.

"How do you guys even know him? The first I see or hear about him is at the party."

"He's a senior like us and in one of my classes." Baekhyun answers as Sehun adds as well.

"He's also in Kyungsoo's singing class and is Jongin's older brother."

"He's Jongin's older brother?!" Yixing yells out then quickly clamps his mouth shut by putting his hand over his mouth, hoping that neither Jongin or Jongdae heard him. Apparently some people did though as Baekhyun is turning around and apologizing to the people sitting by their table. "I thought Jongin's brother was in college or something." He whispers the last part as Sehun shakes his head at him.

"No. Jongin's older brother is Jongdae. Truth is, they don't really associate outside or in school because, well when their parents got divorced, Jongin went with his mom and his brother with his dad and Jongin's mom doesn't really want him to do anything with his dad and brother since they're both trouble makers. Also his brother doesn't want Jongin around him because he doesn't want people to get the wrong intention, whatever that means." Yixing looks over at the two brothers and frowns. Jongin can be kind of quiet sometimes but he's a bright guy. Always smiling and never showing sadness. Yixing would have never guessed that Jongin's brother is the school's punk guy and that he can't be near his brother because their mother wishes it that way and so does Jongdae. Its a bit sad but judging from the way Jongdae and Jongin are laughing and Jongdae hasn't really pushed his brother away, he can see that the two really wish to be together. Once again, Yixing just thinks that Jongdae is just a misunderstood guy. He's going to change that.


	2. Chapter 2

Yixing is sitting on the dance floor stretching his legs out before he begins doing any sort of dancing. He finds that stretching before dancing really lessens the numb feeling after he's done, even though a numb feeling spreading all over his body can be a good feeling too. Like a good ache. Its after school and they're waiting for Jongin as Sehun is already there and the three need to work on a dance routine for some school dance competition a few weeks away. Only, Yixing doesn't want to work on dancing today. He wants to talk to Jongin about Jongdae. He wants to know, first of all, why Jongin never mentioned his brother before. Yixing knew he had a brother, he just didn't know that the same brother was part of his graduating class and went to the same school as him. Secondly,… well that's about the only thing Yixing wants to know because the rest is just something he should do by himself and not get Jongin involved. He can if he wants to, but to Yixing, it might seem a little rude, almost as if using Jongin to get to his brother and he doesn't want that at all. He's sitting on the floor deep in thought that Sehun has to startle him by connecting his music to the speakers and not turning down the volume at all as usually whoever used it last never turns down the volume.

"Sorry."

"Its OK." Yixing says, the volume down now and standing up and starting to stretch his arms out now. "Where's Jongin?"

"I don't know. He should've been here already." Sehun looks at his phone for messages, but nothing. Usually Jongin is the first to be there and already started and if he's late he'll send a message. Its odd that he hasn't.

"Maybe he got delayed in class or something. Lets just wait for a few minutes." Sehun nods and goes back to looking at his phone as Yixing finishes up his stretching. He's pacing around the dance room, every now and then moving his arms as if "popping" them then gracefully moves them into another dance move. He's figuring out dance moves and trying to memorize the muscle movement and what works and what doesn't when Sehun gasps out loud from the corner of the room, looking down at his phone then quickly runs over to Yixing, shoving his phone to his face. "What is it?"

"The pictures from the party are up!" He says as he looks at his phone and goes through them. Yixing is looking from the side and sees a bunch of random people that he doesn't know or need to know and it's strange that Sehun was even tagged in them since he doesn't appear in any of them. There's one of Chanyeol performing on the roof, and another of him smiling as he looks so happy, and another of him laughing because the band thought it will be funny if they pushed their singer off the roof, only for the crowd to catch him. There's a group shot of Kris and Sehun and some other people and Yixing thinks that they also caught Jongin at the right corner but it's blurry so he must have moved away the last second which makes him smile as Jongin really hates taking pictures. Sehun keeps scrolling through them when one catches Yixing's attention the most. There's an actual picture of him doing a face behind the couple in front of him. Jongdae and Ms. Flat Ass kissing, and Jongdae sporting a big smile. There's jealousy clearly written all across his face and it's a bit embarrassing that they caught it on camera but Yixing doesn't care about that at all. Jongdae looks really happy. And Yixing seeing Jongdae's smile and how happy he is, makes him a bit sad but also a bit happy. He doesn't know what it is about his smile but if Jongdae smiles, you smile back no matter what, even if your heart is breaking that very moment.

"Do you think they're together?" He finds himself asking a very confused Sehun who is now looking at a picture of him and Tao together and posing the same way for the camera. Sehun looks at Yixing then at the phone then back to Yixing again, confusion growing more and more each second.

"We're not gay! He's my best friend. Why do you think that?"

"Oh! No. Not you two. Never mind. Sorry." Yixing clears his throat then looks away as his face is red in embarrassment and can't help but laugh at himself. He starts to laugh so hard he's leaning forward as he braces himself on his knees and continues to let out that laughing bubble that suddenly burst inside of him. Sehun is now pouting and whining a little because he thinks Yixing is laughing at him but really Yixing himself doesn't know why he's laughing. He just finds it funny. When his laughter died down, he walks towards Sehun and gives him a hug as a way to show that he's sorry for doing that. "Sorry Sehun. I love you."

"I love you too." He blushes a little then clears his throat to continue, especially after Yixing kissed his cheek. "There's a picture of you. Wanna see it?"

"Sure. Show me." He says with a nod as he stands closer to Sehun to see what it is. When Sehun swipes to the left there's a picture of him and Junmyeon together. They almost look like a happy couple but Kris standing at the back with a beat up face is the only thing that makes the picture seem false. Or more realistically depending on the point of view. To Yixing it's false because they'll never be a couple but it's also realistic because it's real. They're not a happy couple, they'll never will be, and the guy standing behind them a little far away from them is the reason why. Sehun said something that Yixing didn't quite catch then swiped again as once again it's Yixing and Junmyeon, only this time it's a different setting and Kris is no longer there but someone new is and Yixing laughs out loud as the person who is there is giving the finger and making a face at them. Almost like a mock disgusted face.

"Punk guy ruined the picture."

"No. He made it better." Yixing says after a small moment of silence. He smiles some more and continues to stare at it. Somehow Jongdae's expression is copying Yixing's feelings towards Junmyeon really well. He doesn't hate him or anything but he's beginning to think that those feelings he had for Junmyeon for a real long time are now boiling down and just simply turning into "ew what the hell were you thinking?" kind of feelings.

"Sorry I'm late. Kyungsoo had to do a duet today and asked me if I could stay with him to watch." Both Yixing and Sehun look up at the source of the voice and see that it's Jongin walking in and gently putting his stuff down on the floor, making his way over to the two of them. They greet in handshake as Sehun starts putting his phone away and Yixing stands there looking at his reflection in the mirror while Jongin just watches the two with his hands on his hips. "What? Did something happen? Why is it so awkward in here?" He asks as just a second ago the two were standing very close together then he walks in and now the atmosphere is different.

"No nothing. We were just going through the pictures of the party." Sehun answers as Yixing nods. He's now swinging his arms and clapping as his knees bend down a little when he claps. Its something he does randomly, to get his body going but it's not really an energy that goes to others as both Sehun and Jongin are still standing around. He's now starting to think that the atmosphere is different as well but between Sehun and Jongin mostly.

"Did something happen between the two of you?" He dares ask and Sehun gives him an answer as he's scoffing and walking away from Jongin.

"What did I do?"

"You were suppose to go with me outside of school to go to the coffee shop but you didn't go. You were with Kyungsoo."

"Well sorry. I wasn't allowed to leave. The teacher escorted us to the assembly-" Yixing is drowning them out as he laughs at the two of them. He begins dancing by himself to get the moves down when he remembers what he wanted to talk to Jongin about, only he isn't sure if he should talk to him with Sehun there or not.

"Hey! Why didn't you tell me that you had a brother?"

"What?"

Yixing looks at both Sehun and Jongin and realizes that he actually opened his mouth to ask and he wasn't just thinking about it. Its already out now so he continues. "How come you never mentioned that you have a brother?"

"I did? I told you guys that he's in college."

"No. I mean how come you never mentioned that your brother is Kim Jongdae." Jongin looks over at Sehun, who just raises his arms up in defeat and looks away, then looks back at Yixing.

"Oh. Well surprise I guess." Jongin says, looking down at his hands then back at Yixing. There's a hint of sadness in his eyes.

"You don't have to explain. I was just curious, that's all."

"No it's fine. Well he's not really my brother, we're half brothers, it's just that my dad was more of a dad to Jongdae than his real dad."

"How come you guys don't hang out?" Yixing asks as he moves to sit on the floor, his back against the mirror. Both Jongin and Sehun following his lead.

"Well when my parents got divorced, he sort of started acting out and well the reason why my parents got divorced was because my dad was always getting into trouble. When my mom saw that Jongdae was acting out, she sent him away to live with him, saying something that 'fuck ups should stay with fuck ups and not ruin the lives of others.' So my mom told me to never hang around him again and if my dad ever wants to see me to just go, but to go and tell him what a horrible father he is."

"Damn. Your mom must seriously hate him." Sehun comments and Yixing wants to tell him to not say that but Jongin laughs a little then nods.

"Yeah. She really does. I guess she's kind of right though. My dad is horrible. But my brother is not and I don't know why he continues to live with him." Jongin stays quiet for a second as he continues to look down then goes on with his story. "Anyway, Jongdae doesn't want me to hang around him during school because he thinks that I'll get in trouble just by being to a close proximity to him. He rather have people think that we're not even close to being related at all or I'll never get into a good school or whatever. He's crazy for thinking that honestly but what can I do? He says that if I do get close to him he'll tell mom on me." Yixing smiles at that while Sehun scoffs.

"What a snitch."

"Nah. If anything, he just says that to talk. If anyone, he's the one who won't get to a close proximity to my mom at all." Jongin finally looks up but only to remove the hair away from his face and scratch the side of his nose.

"But you two were together during lunch. And he didn't seem to push you away or anything." Yixing asks as Jongin nods then laughs.

"Actually I didn't just watch Kyungsoo, I also watched my brother. The two had a duet together just now. But yeah, during lunch I saw him with his face beat up and I thought something happened to him, but it turns out that he went to those shows where they beat each other up."

"A punk show?" Sehun suggests and Jongin laughs out loud.

"Yeah. Those. I forgot what they were called for a second. He went to that and apparently a fight broke out and he was in the middle of it all. He must be a sadist or a masochist of something. He says that it felt good getting hit after. He can be so weird sometimes." Jongin says that with a laugh and Yixing can't help but laugh a little too. Jongin is like that too and just a few minutes ago, Yixing was just thinking that as well.

"I think it's masochist. And I may have to agree. I think he meant like a sense of accomplishment. Like whenever I dance and I feel numb all over, it's like a good feeling, like you accomplished something."

"But getting hit by someone?" Sehun asks with a weird facial expression sporting on his face, it makes both Yixing and Jongin laugh.

"It was probably something like he got his stress or whatever beaten out of him so he felt good. My brother is weird but I love him." Jongin says that with a smile on his face, it makes Yixing smile too. Its probably a Kim Jong thing. "And the reason why I didn't say anything was because honestly I thought you knew since everybody else did. This one opened his mouth and told everyone when I just told Kyungsoo." He says that part, placing a hand on Sehun's shoulder and giving it a squeeze so hard Sehun whines.

"Ow! It's not like the whole school knows. Only your friends, which is the way it should be."

"You're one to talk. Just seconds ago you were mad at me for not going with you to the coffee shop. Now you're saying that we should be close? Some loyal friend you are." Yixing laughs at the two young ones as the two continue their bickering. He feels a bit good knowing about Jongin and Jongdae. And that he's more than right about Jongdae.

-

As soon as Luhan's and Minseok's soccer practice was over and both Yixing and Sehun watched, probably every sport teams their school has, Luhan was kind enough to drop them home. He was expecting his mom home but seeing how it was her one day off and she doesn't get many, he figured that she was out with some friends enjoying the rare day off. The note on the kitchen table she left for him answered his concern and he smiled. He checked the fridge for food and found that his mom cooked him something to eat as Yixing is always starving whenever he has to stay after school and practice, sending her positive good vibes for her to enjoy her day some more. He only ate half of what his mom originally left though and headed to his room to get started on homework, or more like blast loud music and go through social media. He laid in bed as him and Sehun couldn't finish looking through all the pictures of the party while they waited for Luhan to finish, so he signed into stupid Facebook because apparently 'it's not stupid and is actually entertaining once you find the good people who post good things' and _yeah whatever Luhan is dumb sometimes. And also very very nosy._ Just like he was being right now.

He found pictures of girls kissing, pictures of guys kissing, boob shots and butt shots, band shots of the bands who performed, embarrassing and somewhat rude hateful pictures that were obviously put up to hurt people, people throwing up, people throwing gang signs or flipping the finger, random videos that he has no idea what they were about as you only see darkness and hear distinct talking and laughter, videos of people "dancing" but more like grinding against each other, band performances, drinking games and people passing drugs around and getting it all on camera, and people trying to give speeches or more like congratulate someone for their birthday. Yixing had no idea that it was someone's birthday that night. He just thought that it was a backyard gig and everyone was invited.

He was getting fed up with the pictures and videos as he hasn't seen a familiar face pop out at all until he swiped his phone and sees Jongdae by himself and smiling so bright. It was a video and he did not hesitate on pressing play.

 _"Why are you cheesing out? What did you do?"_ Someone asks, probably the guy holding the camera as he points it at Jongdae who was grinning and holding a cigarette in between his fingers. He watches Jongdae tilt his head back as he let's out a small cloud of white smoke into the air then grins. The same thing Yixing watched him do and thought that he was beautiful and so cool.

 _"I think two dudes were getting it on in some room. Might have been their first time too as they looked so inexperienced."_ Jongdae says with a laugh as he lifts the cigarette up to take a drag. Yixing is getting a feeling that the two dudes Jongdae's talking about is both him and Junmyeon.

 _"Dude, shut the fuck up. Acting like you're so experienced in sex. You haven't even hooked up with Veronica yet."_ The same voice as before says and Jongdae almost chokes as he starts to cough. He stays quiet for a second, takes another hit then exhales the smoke out through his nose. Yixing thinks it looks so cool but only he would cough up a lung while Jongdae just looks so experienced. Jongdae then licks his bottom lip then smirks.

 _"Tongue work."_ Is all he says then he suddenly gets close to the camera, and starts rolling his tongue out, almost like a wave and the video stops. Yixing is staring wide eyed at his phone as he doesn't know what or how to handle that information and damn his hormones is making his body temperature rise up as the ending phrase and ending scene keeps replaying over and over again in his head. He shuts his eyes tight hoping the image will erase from his memory but it just plays more and more vividly and he groans as he suddenly feels the weight of his phone hit him right against his forehead. At least it got the memory out but now he had a red spot right against his forehead as he rubbed it and let out a tiny ow.

"Damn my nosiness and Kim Jongdae. Damn him so much." He says to himself sitting up on his bed. He wonders though if Jongdae has Facebook and checks to see if he's tagged in the video or not but nothing. He looks for a picture with Jongdae in it to see if he's tagged in any of them but only finds that Ms. Flat Ass is the Veronica chick both Jongdae and his friend were talking about and happens to be the only one tagged with any picture or video of her and Jongdae. "Ugh. I'm seriously starting to dislike you." He says as he ends up pressing her name anyway and goes to her Facebook page. Its filled with a bunch of pictures of her and her only and the only thing that changes is the angle and the clothes. A good thing though is that she's single so she's not really dating anyone and Yixing is ecstatic because she's not getting any "tongue work" done. And OK that may seem a bit stalkerish and crazy of him but he really does find her annoying. Or is starting to really find her really annoying. Half her posts are pictures of her and the other is text posts where she just shows that she clearly does not have a heart or a brain. He doesn't understand how Jongdae even thought of her as attractive as the more Yixing goes through her page the more uglier she gets. And yes it's rude and his mother raised him to be better than that but some people's personalities are so bad it starts to show through their appearances too.

He goes on her friends list and finds a Kim Jongdae there but there's no picture so Yixing isn't sure if it's really him or not. He goes to the page, only to find it empty except for some music links, all posted during different times. The most recent was a year ago and it's from a band that he's never heard of before but curiosity gets to him and he clicks it, only to be led into the YouTube app as the video starts to play. He misses the title of the song and the artist but he hears an acoustic guitar that sounds really pretty but a bit sad at the same time and just waits for the video to go on. A man starts to sing and he knows it's not Jongdae, at the same time revealing the lyrics to the song. The first verse makes him pay really close attention to the whole song.

"The Day I Left The Womb by Escape The Fate." He reads out loud, and just like that Yixing is sure he'll be upset throughout the rest of his day. At first he wasn't sure if it was really Kim Jongdae, but from what very little he knows about him, the song fits him really well. Jongdae is not just misunderstood he's also hurt as well.

-

_Yixing's at another party, drinking the night away as once again his friends ditched him, but only this time he won't be the sober friend. No, this time he's going to drink away and maybe smoke a joint or two and feel what it's like to feel high. Maybe dance with a girl or two, or with guys, he doesn't care with who. Then drink more and become confident and maybe just maybe talk to Kim Jongdae. According to his brother he's here, so he's on the look out for a head full of dark messy hair. He's on his umpteenth drink, burying his face deep into the cup to get the last drop of his alcoholic beverage when he feels a vice like grip on his arm pulling him away as he gets dragged upstairs. Yixing is sure there's only one floor though but he goes anyway, not being able to tell on who is dragging him. He gets pushed into a room and suddenly it's Yixing's room. His dodger blue room with his bed in the corner of the room and window at the other corner, his dresser beside his bed and computer desk in front of him but tucked to the corner and beside it his small closet. Everything is so strange right now but the most important thing is that Yixing is in the room with a mysterious person who dragged him in the room and it so happens to be, Kim Jongdae._

_He looks so mysterious with his hoodie pulled up but Yixing likes looking at his face the most so he's glad that he pulled it down. The two are standing in the middle of the room and staring at each other when Jongdae suddenly pushes Yixing on the bed and starts to climb over him, straddling him and settling down right against his crotch. He's looking down at him as if challenging Yixing but he doesn't know what exactly the challenge is so he doesn't know what to do._

"I hear you like 'tongue work.' Want some?" _Jongdae asks, his fingers trailing down Yixing's chest and creating circle like patterns down his torso. Its making him really nervous as he watches the guy on top of him just smirk and lick his lips and wiggle his eyebrows at him._ "Well? Do you or not?"

 _He wants to say yes so badly but this doesn't seem real to him for some reason. He doesn't want to risk touching Jongdae, feeling that he'll fade away or turn into dust if he does, but Jongdae can very well touch him and it feels too real. He's now groaning underneath him and biting his lip as Jongdae is not even doing much. He suddenly leans down and presses his lips softly on his and starts to make the kiss go deeper and deeper until Jongdae is asking for entrance and Yixing grants it. He moans as Jongdae is rolling his tongue inside of him, the same way he did in the video. Its starting to feel real now. His fingers inching closer to Jongdae's waist but as if reading his mind, Jongdae quickly pins both of Yixing's arms above his head, trailing down from his mouth, down to his neck where Yixing really starts to squirm._ "You're so squirmy, aren't you? Its cute." _Yixing groans once more, not believing that that just happened. He wants to be anything but cute, especially with someone on top of him._

 _As if a light switch went off or something clicked, Jongdae was suddenly aggressive towards Yixing, sticking two fingers into his mouth and making him suck on them._ "Coat them with as much saliva as you can." _He instructs and Yixing nods. He's never ever pictured himself doing it for the first time with a guy, let alone follow every order given to him. He's not complaining though because there's build up and body heat rising and just pleasure coursing through his body just watching the man on top of him feel pleasure himself. He doesn't dare look away from the dark gaze being thrown his way, it also doesn't help that Jongdae has eyeliner lined on his eyes, dark black ink contrasting against his skin, making Yixing want to trace every single line and curve and dot permanently marked on his skin._

_As Yixing sucks, Jongdae moves down a little and places his left palm right against Yixing's cock and starts to rub. Yixing let's out a groan as his back arches off his bed. Jongdae is smirking as his hand pushes harder and harder against the clothed erection, silencing Yixing with his two fingers in his mouth. Its too much for Yixing. Not in a bad way but in a way that he's sure he'll come undone this second if Jongdae doesn't stop, so he reaches for Jongdae's hand that's currently in his mouth, a bit hesitant as he's sure he'll disappear if he does touch him, and pulls it away, looking deep into his eyes to see any change in his facial expression._

"I'm going to cum if you don't stop."

"That's the point." _Jongdae's fingers curl around the length and begins jerking his wrist up and down it._

"No it's not." _Yixing says as he puts a stop to Jongdae's hand as well._ "Something doesn't feel right. It almost feels like a dream or something." _Yixing sits up, Jongdae still straddling him and wondering why Yixing thinks this is all fake when it feels very real to him. Yixing then turns to Jongdae and stares for a second._ "Whats my name?"

"What?"

"Whats my name, Jongdae? Do you know my name?" _Yixing asks. Disappointment hits him really soon as Jongdae is smirking and fading away. He slumps his shoulder as he knew that it was a dream but he hasn't woken up yet. He looks around his room as he was sure he was at a party moments ago. He gets off his bed and stands in the middle of his room and sighs, placing both hands on his hips._ "Might as well explore this dream land." _He says to himself and turns around to walk out his door. Just as he's about to touch the door handle, Yixing suddenly gets thrown against the wall, a weight behind him and a small grip on his hair making his head tilt back a little._

"Do not tell anyone about me. Do not even get near me. You understand me? Just leave me alone." _Before Yixing can say or do anything, Jongdae is once again gone. He turns around to get a glimpse of him but he's long gone, leaving no trace behind. Yixing thinks he sounded broken and it hurts him inside because no one should ever feel that way._ "The day I left the womb." He sings and he finally wakes up.

He sits up in his bed, gasping for air, the dark room somewhat comforting him as it feels familiar and not at all dream like. He runs his fingers through his hair as it feels a bit sweaty, then rubs on his eyes. He doesn't know if Jongdae's threat was a warning or a cry for help or whatever. He doesn't know what to do. For now he sits on his bed and replays the song over and over in his head, as an image of smoking Jongdae and grinning Jongdae pops up as well. "What the hell do I do now?"

-

The week went by really quickly and quite boring as well except for the fact that Junmyeon tried to stick to Yixing like glue for the rest of the week. It was interesting to say the least but Yixing figured out why Junmyeon wanted to stick by him the whole time and after he found out, he no longer wanted to be the helpful friend anymore. Junmyeon was trying to make Kris jealous because word got out that two guys hooked up at the party last time and it so happened that the two guys were Junmyeon and Yixing. But the thing is, it was all a lie and instead of revealing the truth, Junmyeon chose to go through with the lie and pretend that he in fact did hook up with Yixing. Yixing was furious at first but if it meant helping his friend out, even though the logic was stupid, he agreed. But the whole time Junmyeon stayed by his side, he kept talking about Kris and Yixing had enough.

Kris is one of his good friends aside from Luhan, but he did not want to know what kind of food his friend likes or the preferred drink he likes to drink, or the way he touches someone when he kisses them, or how cool he looks sporting a black eye and a scratch mark across his cheek. He does not care and he's sure he never will, even if Kris is one of the few friends Yixing made when he first transferred schools when they were younger. He doesn't want to hear it anymore and decides to disrupt the Kris rant as he gets up from the lunch table full of his friends and decides to go walk around a bit. Alone. And Kris talk free. Kris should just step up and talk to Junmyeon or Junmyeon should go talk to him, it doesn't matter who goes up to who, as long as they talk to each other.

One thing in his mind right now is Jongin. Jongin hasn't been to school for the whole week except for Monday, and no one seems to know where he is or if he's alright or not. They also don't have the guts to go up to Jongdae and ask if his brother is fine. He must be or he's sure Jongdae won't be there at all either. But at the same time Jongdae doesn't even live with Jongin at all so he probably must be in the same line with them. It still wouldn't hurt to ask if he knows or not.

Yixing is walking towards the field where both Minseok and Luhan do their soccer practices, or the area where the smokers go and get high or smoke cigarettes. He's hoping for Jongdae to be there but all he sees is three guys huddled together and passing a plastic bag around. He doesn't even want to know what it is. He keeps walking and passes by a group of girls and maybe two guys standing around and sharing a cigarette but Jongdae is not there. He smells weed in the air and he's sure that someone is smoking it but he's not going to go and snitch on them since he's sure the guys who were passing the bag around were eating shrooms. He pouts a little as he can't find him at all and is about to go back when he hears someone sing behind him, coming towards the bleachers and sure enough someone is sitting at the top bleacher singing out loud. He can't make out who it is, mainly because his glasses are dirty and covered with finger prints, but when he cleans them and puts them back on, he sees a head of familiar hair, causing him to smile.

Jongdae is sitting there singing out loud, a cigarette in between his fingers, and leaning back as if getting sunlight. Every now and then he stops to take a drag then slowly exhale the smoke out as he continues singing. Its not the sad song Yixing heard the other day which may be a good sign but the way Jongdae sings and the amount of cigarettes he smokes can't be good for him especially when he sings really good and smoking is just going to mess up his vocal cords. He gulps down his hesitation and steps closer, taking it step by step as Jongdae doesn't seem to notice him. He's already at the lower bleacher and stops to look up at Jongdae who has stopped singing altogether and is staring down at Yixing. The two just stare at each other and don't open their mouths to say anything, Yixing feels like he's about to burst from the amount of butterflies in his stomach, fluttering crazy and looking for an escape. He's sure if he opens his mouth, butterflies will shoot out of him and will be the laughing stock of the century.

"A-Are you Kim Jongdae?"

"No." Jongdae says bluntly then lifts the cigarette to put it in between his lips. Yixing wants to laugh as he knows but now that it's out there he can't for the life of him figure out why he even asked that when he already knows.

"I mean, your brother Kim Jongin-" Yixing notices that Jongdae goes frigid at that. "He's one of my friends and I was wondering if you knew anything about him. He's been gone all week and no one knows if he's sick or not. I'm just wondering if he's doing OK." Jongdae sits up and looks down at his feet as he drops the cigarette in between the bleachers. He starts rubbing his hands together then laces his fingers together and cracks them all at once. Yixing winced but doesn't show it, or at least hopes that he didn't show it. Jongdae seems like he doesn't want to talk so Yixing takes that as his answer and starts to turn to leave.

"He had to go to away for a family emergency. He's fine. He'll be back next week." Yixing wants to ask why Jongdae is not with him but that's pushing it so he smiles a little then nods.

"Thank you. Just wanted to know."

"Sure. Whatever." Jongdae says as he leans forward and rests his arms on top of his knees, probably waiting for lunch time to finish. Yixing turns to leave to go back to his friends but something in him is hoping for Jongdae to tell him to stick around. Something is pulling him to him but he knows it's just him wanting that something to pull himself to Jongdae because clearly Jongdae doesn't want him there. He wants to stay, he wants to stay, _he wants to stay_ , but Jongdae doesn't want him there. He would've asked him to stay already. He doesn't want to go back to his friends at all. He wants to stay. _'Please let me stay.'_ Yixing silently begs, now about three feet away from the bleachers. He let's out a sigh, squares up his shoulders and takes the first step to quickly walk away and head back.

"Hey! You got two dollars?" Jongdae yells out. Yixing turns around and laughs. That's way too random but it got him to stay longer so he walks back.

"Two dollars?"

"Well honestly I'll ask for five but that's pushing it, so yeah. You got two dollars?" Yixing sadly shakes his head no as he reaches for his wallet to make sure if he has money or not but he has nothing.

"No. Sorry."

"Boo. You suck." Jongdae says and Yixing laughs. Jongdae is not trying to be mean or rude, Yixing finds the comment pleasing or more like a friendly gesture. "Alright. Well thanks? Thats what you say right?"

Yixing nods, a small smile on his face. "Yea that's right."

"OK cool. Well bye I guess."

"Bye." Yixing walks away with a huge smile on his face. Jongdae stopping him once again.

"Next time you come to me for information, make sure you have five dollars. It won't be two dollars next time. I'm raising the price up." Yixing just nods and gives him a thumbs up as he agrees. He walks away with a laugh not bothering to ask why Jongdae wants money next time but at least there's a next time.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ugh sorry. Slow build up. Filler chapter(?) Eww. No but I seriously have no idea what this is, it just happened. You also don't have to listen to the song but if you're interested, then check it out. ^^ Its not a punk song at all but it is a rock song. It doesn't exactly fit the story at all, especially Jongdae's story but the way he feels about his mom is somewhat explained there. Thats about it. Sorry it's going so slow but I rather have it go slow than rush into it. Thanks for the hits and kudos ^^ Until next time.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WARNING: Cheesiness, slight homophobia(?) depending I guess but just in case putting a warning, and Jongdae threatening to spit on someones food. Sorry. Enjoy! ^^

The day Jongin finally came back from his family emergency was the day Yixing decided to tell Junmyeon that he doesn't want to keep pretending anymore. He doesn't want to walk down the hallway and have everyone around him huddle around with their group of friends and whisper about him. He doesn't want knowing glances and pointing fingers on him at all. He doesn't want Kris to ignore him either because he never did anything wrong at all. All he did was comfort his friend. His friend who was so upset because he thought his year long friendship with his best friend was over. His friend who quite possibly believed that after that day, things between them would evolve into something else. Something he's been wanting for a really long time. His friend who is only using his friend to make someone jealous when obviously Kris is hurting.

Kris' relationship with his mother is a lot like Yixing's. Its always been just him and his mom and his brother. The three of them share everything, but that day when his mom saw them and she beat him, Kris probably hurt her. Yixing is sure that's exactly what Kris is thinking. And it's the most stupidest way to think of the situation, in his opinion. Kris did nothing wrong. His mom overreacted and hurt her son more. Physically and emotionally and maybe mentally because if Kris told Junmyeon to stay away from him, is because his mom is the one who told him that Junmyeon is at fault. Kris was aware of Junmyeon's feelings the whole time though. He never did anything about it because he himself wasn't sure what he was when it came to his sexuality. He had a girlfriend his first two years of high school but half way in the second semester she had to transfer schools as she was moving away. Kris never dated again. He's always nice and respectful to girls and makes sure that his teammates treat their girlfriends right as well. So everyone assumed that he was straight, but Kris personally, and kept it to himself, had some feelings towards guys as well, and the first guy he had more than just friendship love with, was his friend Junmyeon. He probably came to terms with it that very same day but his mom hurt him. And Kris being a good son is following her wishes.

Yixing on the other hand is being a bad friend by pretending he hooked up with Junmyeon when nothing happened. Those feelings are no longer there. He cares for Junmyeon but he no longer longs for him like he used to. Yixing doesn't want to hurt his friend at all, but he wants to make sure he talks to Junmyeon first and that Kris would talk to Junmyeon as well. Its obvious they miss each other, they're just being stubborn about it. And it has nothing to do with being half in love with Kim Jongdae. If anything, Yixing is setting himself up for more heartache, but whatever. The heart wants what the heart wants. Hopefully in the future he'll fall in love with a beautiful girl who loves him for everything he is and together they'll have beautiful babies. And when they go shopping at the mall or go dancing, Yixing will be like "look honey, isn't that guy gorgeous?" And his wife would think _'what an amazing husband I have'_ when in reality Yixing is actually checking out the guy and wants to hear his wife's opinion. He can make his life perfect just like that, even though he would prefer being with a man. But right now he's going to make things right, but actually he wants to see Jongdae so badly. Which it is ridiculous as it's the last class of the day and he has no idea where Jongdae could be and it's not like he can text him or anything since they're not friends. He just sighs and lowers his head onto the table as he wants the day over already.

"So you're going on a date with Junmyeon later? Is it fancy or something cheap?"

"Why are you here?" Yixing mumbles as Luhan is sitting close to him but more like hovering over him and once again being nosy. He specifically remembers asking Junmyeon if they can hang out somewhere to talk, not asking Luhan or Sehun or Tao or even Chanyeol and Baekhyun as well. It was bound to get spread around amongst their group of friends though. No stone is left unturned with them.

"You know it's my free period and I always spend it here with you guys. Now tell me about this date." Yixing groans and looks up at a focusing Kris and Minseok sitting to Yixing's left and an annoying Luhan to his right. He's sitting at the center of the table with nothing in front of him while everyone else is focusing on their art projects. Minseok is painting a beautiful detailed painting of a woman and hundreds of tiny butterflies. Kris is focusing on realism but so far it looks like some thing Picasso would've done with shapes and whatnot. And Luhan, even though he does not take the class at all is working on drawing circles because their art teacher, Mrs. Lee, won't allow no lazy students in her class and Luhan really needs to take a course on drawing basic shapes. Yixing just finished his painting and turned it in for a grade so now he's sitting there with nothing to do until Mrs. Lee gives him a head start for the next art project. She's at the back in the supply closet looking for something so Yixing doesn't want to go bother her about it. So he sits there staring at Luhan as if he's crazy. He won't talk about "a date with Junmyeon" with Kris there.

"Come on. Tell me. Its something you've been wanting for a real long time now. What are you planning to do?" Luhan asks as he attempts to draw a circle but it looks more like an oddly shaped oval. Yixing smiles amusingly as Luhan groans and grabs the pink eraser to erase his mistake and try again. His paper is already wrinkled and ripped in the middle for erasing too much and too hard. Yixing actually never noticed Luhan sitting there but it must be because he was set on finishing his painting to bring home to his mom so she can hang it above her bed. He promises to keep his attention on Luhan now as it would be more entertaining than letting his mind wander somewhere else. Or wander over someone else.

"I'm not planning anything. We're just going to go order some shakes or fries or whatever and just talk. Thats it. Its not a date or anything."

"Then why didn't you just talked to him today during lunch or asked him to stay a bit after school so you can talk to him." Luhan looks up at Yixing and gives him a knowing smile. He sort of wants to wipe that look off of his face but doesn't say or do anything. He looks over at Kris and Minseok who are both focusing on their artwork but Minseok seems to be paying attention more than Kris, as he's wearing earphones and listening to music. Yixing sighs. Let's the sigh come out from deep within and turns to look at Luhan.

"Well sorry if I wanted to spend some alone time and talk privately with him without any of you guys there. I just thought it would be better if I talked to him that way instead of at school where he's distracted." Luhan glances over at Kris then back at Yixing. He seems to understand now so he nods and continues with his erasing. Yixing wants to lower his head onto the square table again but Luhan just won't seem to shut up today.

"What's this I hear about Jongin's brother asking you for money?" Yixing is groaning as he doesn't want to look up at Luhan. He's so annoyed with his friend right now he's pretty sure he might end up throwing a pencil at him. "You didn't give it to him right? Because if you did, Yixing I swear to-"

"No Luhan I did not give him any money! It was just a joke. Are you my mother or what? I swear you're worse than my mom."

"I'm just looking out for you. I know Jongin is our friend but we don't know anything about his brother. He may be-"

"And what gives you the right to think that he's a bad guy?!" Yixing stated loudly. He's sure he's got some of his classmates attention if Minseok and Kris are looking up at him. Right now he doesn't care.

"I didn't say that."

"But you're implying it. Is it because he has tattoos or dresses differently? Is that it?" Yixing asks. His voice quite possibly getting louder and louder. "And also, why are you looking out for me? Have I ever asked you to or has my mother asked you to? Because I would like to remind you that you weren't there when I needed you most so you don't get to 'look out for me' and claim it as you being there for me." Luhan looks really hurt right now and is now angry just like Yixing is but Luhan is scoffing it away while Yixing feels his body boiling and seeing a bit of red. He's angry. All this time holding things back, and now they were coming out at the wrong time, and Yixing wants to say sorry but that red little version of himself is sitting right on his shoulder and telling him not to. Whispering into his ear all the time his friends have done him wrong. It's not just about Luhan, it's everyone who has ever invited him out and left him alone. Everyone who has asked him to do a favor for them but when he needs one, suddenly no one can do so. Everyone who told him that his grandmother will be fine but when she died no one dared showed up and showed him support. Every single person who has abused his kindness when Yixing obviously wanted to help and be friendly but at the end of the day people just took him for granted. Every single person who has been calling Yixing names or talking negatively about him or even giving him really dirty looks when he just wanted to help Junmyeon out. Every single person… and now he was taking it all out on Luhan. And yet he still can't find it in himself to say sorry.

"Well sorry that me looking out for you is such a bad thing. But who else is going to do it when you go around and fall in love with complete strangers all the damn time. You may have feelings for Junmyeon, but if some stranger looks at you or even smiles your way or even greets you hello, you're already 'in love' with them. I don't want you falling in love with this Kim Jongdae guy who is nothing but bad news. You're going to get yourself hurt if you do Yixing, and I don't want that for you. So yes I'm looking out for you and I'm going to keep looking out for you, whether you want me to or not."

Yixing's jaw is clenched and he's gulping down words he wants to say but he knows it would only hurt more if he let's them out. His knuckles are turning white from how hard he's grabbing onto the edge of the table and is sure that everyone in the classroom is looking towards his direction. They just have to get to know Jongdae, that's all. He wants to get to know Jongdae and prove to everyone that he's alright but Jongdae is not interested in making friends and he's sure as hell that Yixing is the last person Jongdae would be friends with. He doesn't know what to do. He sees the plan so clearly in his head, he just doesn't know how to execute it. Being angry at Luhan right now is not part of the plan.

"I don't have feelings for Junmyeon anymore." He mumbles instead, but Luhan and Minseok and possibly Kris, but is playing it as if he didn't hear anything at all, heard him loud and clear and are all giving him really shocked surprised gazes.

"What do you mean you don't like Junmyeon anymore? You've liked him since the sixth grade!" Minseok is the one speaking up and good thing too. Yixing would've begun to think that his friends were turning into mutes and silently judging him. "How does that happen?"

"I don't know. It just happened. It happened at the party." He then turns to Kris and looks into his eyes to make sure that Kris is listening and taking what he's about to tell him in. "Junmyeon and I never hooked up. He was upset and was about to make a stupid mistake and I stopped him. He was hoping for you to stop him but it didn't work out that way. I just comforted him, that's all that happened. I'm sorry I lied to you." Kris doesn't say anything for a short while and neither does Yixing, Luhan, and Minseok. He can't take the silence between all of them so he continues. "There's also a possibility that Jongdae may have spread the rumour around as he's the one who caught us but I'm not completely sure since there's a video of him saying that two guys "hooked up" but never mentioned names." Luhan is groaning at his side but he ignores him. "I wanted to talk to you as soon as I called this whole lie with Junmyeon over but once again, things didn't work out in favor. I'm sorry Kris. Please forgive me."

"Yixing." Kris sighs. "You're really cute you know that?" He suddenly says and OK everyone around the table is looking at him as if he lost it. Thats a random thing to say.

"Umm. Thank... you?"

Kris laughs as he sets his pencil down and removes his earphones. "I mean it. And you're a nice guy as well. No one would apologize if they were in your shoes so I appreciate it but I already knew that the hook up is fake. Junmyeon is a terrible liar. He kept changing the story up every time. And people think he's a genius." Kris chuckles a little at the last part then continues. "I wanted to tell you that I knew but when you and Junmyeon started being around each other and acting "couple-y" I couldn't find it in me to end it. You've liked Junmyeon for a long time and I figured that maybe sooner or later you two might end up together for real but I guess now you don't like him anymore. I'm sorry I hurt you Yixing. You're a loyal friend and I'm sorry I was being shitty to you." Yixing is smiling a dimple smile and doesn't hesitate to get up and hug Kris. Its such a cheesy moment but he doesn't care. Yixing in reality is a cheesy guy and so is Kris, despite what his outer appearance says. The two hear both Minseok and Luhan making noises over the cheesiness but they don't pull away anytime soon. When they finish hugging and Yixing goes back to his seat and removes his glasses to clean them with the hem of his shirt, that's when his cheesy attitude changes into a serious one and it's towards Luhan.

"Say what you need to say." Yixing crooks his finger towards Luhan telling him to hurry up and spill it. "Come on."

"You're in love with Kim Jongdae aren't you? Your feelings towards Junmyeon are gone because of him, isn't it?" Yixing is not _in love_ with him. He's just... maybe a little, but it's not a bad thing.

"I just realized that I should stop pining over Junmyeon when it's never going to happen."

"Its never going to happen with Jongdae either!" Luhan says loudly and _jeez he didn't have to say it like that._ It kind of feels more heartbreaking being told that in that way. "He's not into guys like you are." Yixing wants to ask how the hell does Luhan know that but any one with eyes can clearly see that. The dream he had the other way though was in no way a "straight mans" behavior. It wasn't exactly a sex dream but damn whenever he thought about the video, it did get him hot and bothered. Whenever he thought about the dream, although it could have been a sign for him to keep away, got him hot and bothered as well. So yeah maybe Jongdae is straight in real life but Yixing is set on taking the dream as a sign of something and if Jongdae tried to blow him off then there's a possibility that Jongdae is also into guys.

"I don't care. Because I also just want to be friends with him. He's a nice guy. It's just people choose to see him as the bad guy because it's so easy. If I was covered in tattoos, even though you know me, will you still see me as a bad guy?" Luhan stays quiet and looks at Minseok who then looks at Kris. They're all quiet so Yixing knows what their answer is. "See. It just takes time to get to know him that's all."

"Yeah but he's bad news, Yixing. Jongin may see his brother as a good guy but he doesn't live with him. He doesn't know what his brother does away from him and they barely talk so he's missing out on everything." Yixing is surprised that it's Kris telling him this since usually he's not quick to judge others, but Yixing's gut is telling him something else.

"I'm going to trust Jongin's judgement on this. If he says his brother is a good guy, then he is. I believe him." Luhan is now the one growing annoyed at his friend as he's the one groaning now. Yixing is not listening and is being stubborn and Luhan doesn't know what to say to get Yixing to understand what they're trying to say. And now he won't be able to as Yixing is looking towards the classroom door and walking in is Kim Jongdae himself wearing his signature leather jacket and carrying his skateboard around, tucked under his arm. Hes walking towards Mrs. Lee's front desk and Yixing can't seem to take his eyes off of him. Everything around him is just a blur as his focus is on Jongdae and Jongdae alone. He's looking down at the figurines on her desk and he's smiling to himself as he finds them amusing. Yixing is smiling too but more towards Jongdae and what he's doing as Jongdae is messing around with the figurines now.

"Hands off, Kim Jongdae!" Mrs. Lee says loudly as she walks back into the classroom, carrying a crate full of spray cans. She drops the crate onto her desk and takes the paper Jongdae is handing to her to read it but she only asks him if its the pass to get out of class and he nods. "Bring them back as soon as you're done, understood?" Jongdae wants to laugh but nods anyway as she gives him a serious look. "Good. Next time, put them somewhere where they'll be easier to find. I'm sure I trashed the supply closet back there."

"Sure, Mrs. Lee. I'll just put them on the counter." Jongdae says as he grabs the crate so he can take his leave. He's about to turn around when Mrs. Lee places her hand above the crate to stop him.

"You know what? Take someone with you to help you out. If you want the mural to be huge, you should get someone to help you with outlining or with colors." Yixing perks up at that. He's about to raise his hand and ask to be a volunteer but that will just come off as him being nosy even though he very well was, so he looks away and pretends that he's busy doing something else. "Yixing! I got an idea for your new art project." Mrs. Lee says out loud. Yixing turns towards her direction again but only sees that Jongdae is staring at him with a passive look on his face.

-

Yixing and Jongdae didn't communicate that much when they had to work on the mural. Apparently someone tagged the gym wall and it got painted over but the color they used didn't match the wall's color at all, so the school staff decided to paint a mural on it as it's such a boring bland wall anyway. Mrs. Lee got asked to pick a student or students to work on it but her best bet was with Jongdae. Initially he was going to work on it alone but since his idea for the mural happened to be different than what others had in mind and so much bigger, Mrs. Lee decided to assign him a partner. And that partner happens to be Yixing who is good with small details and blending colors. Jongdae is good at vibrant colors and drawing itself. She thinks the two will do a good job together, they just have to communicate. Which is something they don't have at all. They just sat there, their backs against the wall watching whoever walk by. Well Yixing mostly did that while Jongdae worked on a sketch on some sketchbook. When the bell rang that school was over Jongdae just told him that he'll take the stuff back and that he can leave. Yixing just nodded and just walked towards his dance class.

-

Yixing was nervous. He sat across from Junmyeon who was looking over the menu. On any other occasion, Yixing will think he looks beautiful. And he does. The dim chandelier lighting over them makes Junmyeon look like he's glowing. His dark hair is super dark from the back but from the front it's illuminated. His face looks somewhat shiny but it still has some small shadows due to his head looking down. When Junmyeon looks up at him and slightly looks a bit lost but then he smiles at him, Yixing thinks that's when he's really beautiful. His smile is bright but it's not Jongdae's. Yixing sighs and Junmyeon knits his eyebrows together.

"Something wrong, Xing?" He hasn't heard that name in a while now and it could possibly be the last.

"No nothing. Just tired."

"Oh yeah! You, Jongin, and Sehun are working on a dance routine. How is it going so far?" Junmyeon sets the menu down by his side and laces his fingers together in front of him as he gives his attention to Yixing. Yixing smiles and sits up straight to talk.

"Its going well so far. We just need to figure out the ending and that's it. Have you decided on what you want?" Junmyeon grabs the menu and turns the page towards what he thinks it's good. He points towards a picture and Yixing laughs. "I was just thinking of getting that too."

"Do you just want to share?" Yixing looks at him then shrugs. He doesn't mind but he also doesn't want to share either because it could mean something more and he doesn't want that. He nods anyway and Junmyeon smiles.

"OK cool. We'll just ask for two plates." Yixing just nods. He looks around the place and finds that the restaurant is not that empty like he hoped it was. It might be a little tricky to let Junmyeon down, except when the food arrives and the two pay and go out for ice cream and are walking down the street, he can't find it in himself to tell him that he no longer wants to do this. He feels that if he puts a stop to it, the two will no longer be able to hang out like this anymore. Junmyeon is one of his best friends, he doesn't want to end up like how Junmyeon and Kris are right now. So he's swallowing down what he really wants to say to Junmyeon and makes sure that it doesn't escape any time soon.

They're now making their way to a fast food place as Sehun called and said that he was hungry and if both Yixing and Junmyeon are kind enough to buy both him and Tao some food. Yixing doesn't mind so the two are walking in and standing in line to order. When he looks at the counter where a tall man is placing his order, Yixing gasps as Kim Jongdae is the one there taking orders. He looks so… colorful, he's used to seeing him wear dark clothing. He's wearing a yellow and red button up shirt and looks almost mad. He honestly never pictured Jongdae working and he's sure that Jongin doesn't know about it either, but the way he looks mad and about to go off any second now can be a sign that he won't be having the job for long.

"I wonder what's taking forever." A woman in front of the two of them says as she steps to the side to get a look. Junmyeon and Yixing share a look with one another then step to the side to try to look as well. The tall man looks angry and this cannot be good. A couple in front of the woman decide to leave as they probably waited long, and it gets the line moving but it's not enough.

"Look sir. Its just me and my coworker working tonight and we're doing the best we can so I don't know why you're complaining when you're the one who ordered a ton of food and won't allow me to take the other customers orders as well. So please sit down and we'll call out your number." Jongdae says as he makes a hand motion motioning for the man to go sit, but it only seems to piss off the man some more.

"I would like my money back. I'm not going to stand here and let some snot nose punk ass kid disrespect me like this." The man says, crossing his arms across his very large chest, trying to look very theathening. If it was Yixing, he'll do what the man says but since it's Jongdae, Jongdae is _laughing?_ at the man as he looks really amused. Jongdae has guts.

"Please step aside sir. You're holding up the line."

"Not until I get my money back."

"You're not going to be getting your money back because we're already working on your very large order, so now you're going to have to wait until my coworker finishes up everything. Or you know, you could just step aside, let me take everyone's orders and as soon as that's done I'll go back and help my coworker out. Which will it be?" There are groans of people telling Jongdae to just give the money back but there are also people asking the man to move aside. If Yixing was Jongdae he'll probably be asking the man to move aside as well. If the man placed a very large order and paid for it and they're already working on what he wanted and now he's asking for his money back, well that's just a waste of food. But he's also concerned for his safety and the others as well. The man looks like he's about to punch Jongdae on the face so he thinks it's best for Jongdae just to give the money back.

"I want to speak to your manager and have your punk ass fired. Is this how you treat your customers?"

"No I don't actually. But to stupid men like you I just like to snort and spit on their food or claim that I'm the manager and that I won't be firing anyone tonight. But you're right, I'm not the manager and unfortunately I can't call him because he's on a vacay but you can speak to my supervisor, but she's the one making your 20 something orders of fries. Would you like to speak to her and put everything on hold?" Yixing wants to laugh at the way Jongdae doesn't looked fazed at all. In fact he's batting his long eyelashes at the man and damn he really really likes Kim Jongdae right now. This whole thing is starting to get funny and some of the other people in line are seeing it like that as well. Jongdae is toying with the man and everyone is enjoying it.

"OK. Cheese hamburgers and spicy chickens are out!" The girl who was at the back working her ass off comes to the front as she places a very large bag on the counter. Before the man reaches for the bag, Jongdae beats him to it and starts looking inside it.

"Any one want a cheeseburger or some spicy chickens?" He asks towards the people standing in line. Some of them raise their hands up and he smiles at them asking them to come forward as he pulls out what they want from the bag and hand it to them. "Don't worry about paying. This man's large donation will cover it."

Yixing is speechless. Some people are cheering as the girl places another bag on the counter, Jongdae quickly snatching it away and giving it to the people who were in line. They're leaving with food and without paying and they look so happy while the large man is fuming. He's pulling out his phone, no doubt calling the cops but Jongdae doesn't care as he continues giving the food away. Yixing looks over at Junmyeon who kind of looks like the large man. He doesn't seem amused at all and Yixing is not going to ask him why he's not. He already knows that Junmyeon doesn't like Jongdae at all. He's sure that if the rest of their friends were here, they wouldn't agree to what Jongdae just did either. He keeps it to himself but asks anyway if they're going to order or take some of the man's food.

"I rather order. I'm sure Jongdae will prefer it that way too." He says as he steps forward as the line is moving now. Half of the people who were in line are gone while some are still waiting. The man looks like he's about to jump over the counter and make a grab for Jongdae but Jongdae is just standing behind the register and putting an order in. The girl from the back comes back with two more bags and Jongdae quickly gives away the contents. When it's Yixing's and Junmyeon's turn, Jongdae makes a face towards Junmyeon but asks him what he would like to order.

"Just two cheeseburgers and two fries." Jongdae sighs as they could've just raised their hands but whatever. He puts the order in and hooks it on a small hook.

"With drinks?"

"Yeah."

"It will be $4.60." Junmyeon reaches for his wallet but Yixing pulls out a $5 and hands it to Jongdae who happens to be smirking at him now. "Cool. But it's still "$4.60." He says and Yixing laughs. He makes a motion as if to pull out more money but Jongdae is shaking his head and telling him it's fine. "I was kidding. Your order will be right out."

"You won't get in trouble?" Yixing asks as Junmyeon is now walking away and doesn't wish to stay any longer right there. He points towards the man who is standing by the corner of the fountain drinks, his arms still crossed across his chest.

"Nah. Look at him though. Someone's in time out." Jongdae teases as Yixing laughs. "That should show him some respect. Can you believe him? He orders a ton of food and insults everyone in line plus me and my coworker for not getting his food out, now he's asking for his money back and making a big fuss. Some people I swear." Jongdae is shaking his head a bit as he looks down and reaches for two cups. Yixing is watching him. Like really watching him. He seems tired and maybe stressed but most of all upset that some people out there are exactly the way the man is. Treating people horribly and thinking they're superior than everyone else and demanding what they want and getting it now and really really ignorant as well. Yixing feels that way too sometimes. Its a very "human" feeling, that he does not understand how his friends could think that Jongdae is a bad guy when he obviously has the same feelings as they do. He's going to imagine his friends the same way as the large man in the corner and Jongdae putting them all in their place when he gets home later. It's going to be a laugh in his dark room that he would only share with. "If you ask the man to move out of the way he might do it but if he doesn't, let me know." Yixing nods and takes the empty cups with him giving him a thanks. Jongdae calls the next person up to order and just like that, it's the end of that.

-

The next day at school they had a different schedule so Yixing wasn't able to see Jongdae while they worked on the mural and also couldn't ask if anything happened with the man as soon as they left. Junmyeon and Yixing saw that the cops arrived as they were barely getting out of their car but they didn't stick around for the rest of the show. Junmyeon commented on how he hopes Jongdae gets arrested or fired but Yixing didn't say anything back. He honestly was surprised that Junmyeon even made a comment like that in the first place. Junmyeon is one of the nicest guys ever and for him to say something like that is really surprising. He's starting to think that something happened between the two as the two really don't like each other except Junmyeon is more open about it than Jongdae. Jongdae at least tried to keep it professional yesterday.

When Friday came around and Yixing was able to see Jongdae, the two didn't talk much at all. There was probably a pattern between them. One day Jongdae sort of talks to him. Maybe even jokes around. But the next day, nothing. Almost like Jongdae doesn't notice his existence and just ignores him the whole time. He wears his earphones and turns the music loud and works on his corner. On the days he does talk to him he still wears his earphones but he at least still says something to him. Comments on his work or gives him some sort of advice as Yixing is still learning how to use spray paint, or asks him if he has his five dollars ready. Now that he told him that he was kidding and doesn't have to get him his money he supposes that communication will be limited.

A whole week passed by and Yixing and Jongdae still didn't communicate that much. Jongdae explained the concept of the mural and what he wanted to put on the wall and Yixing nodded as he thought it was a good idea but that was it. Yixing worked on his corner while Jongdae worked on his. Yixing needs to initiate communication or then Jongdae will never talk to him so he's hesitant about talking to him. What exactly should he say? Does Jongdae have some sort of limit when it comes to conversation? Should he ask a stupid question or should he just open his mouth and let it all out? Its been weeks now but Yixing is still afraid that butterflies will shoot out of him. He's walking behind Jongdae who is carrying another crate with him making their way towards the mural. Jongdae sets the crate down and looks up at the mural while Yixing sets the other crate down beside it. They're both looking up at the wall both quite possibly thinking of different things.

"What should we do next?" They both ask at the same time. They both end up laughing at the same time too. Jongdae crouches down and starts messing with his hair while Yixing stays standing and stares at the wall. Jongdae's idea is great but they're not sure how to go through with it. They should probably stick to one color scheme or maybe they should do it with all colors as so far they have a ton of spray paints but they only managed to paint the wall white, draw what they want to do, and outline their respective corners.

"What if on one side we do one color and then start blending colors together and it gradually grows into vibrant colors?" Jongdae puckers his lips together then stands up and steps up to the wall.

"Like pale colors over here then vibrant colors for the rest?" He asks and Yixing nods.

"OK. Yeah. That will be cool. But I'm not that good at pale, blending colors though." Yixing smiles and steps up to the wall as well. Most of the colors Mrs. Lee provided are vibrant colors. They could actually get some paint and mix them together or go out and buy pale spray paints instead. "We can talk to Mrs. Lee about that or we could just get paint and mix the colors together."

"Wouldn't that be a waste though?" Jongdae asks as buying six dollar cans of paint seems like a waste of money and paint as they're only going to need it for one corner of the mural. Buying pale colors of spray paints as well.

"What if we spray it from a distance?" Yixing takes a random can out and starts shaking it as Jongdae pulls out a notebook. Yixing crouches down and sets the notebook on the floor as he leans back a bit and holds the spray can above but away from him. When he sprays it, the color comes out scattered and barely touching the notebook. Yixing brings it down a little and tries again but it keeps coming out scattered. Jongdae just laughs beside him and clamps his shoulder.

"We're going to have to talk to Mrs. Lee." He says as Yixing smiles and puts the can back in the crate. Jongdae pulls out his phone and begins making a phone call. Yixing stands to the side thinking he's calling someone else but when he puts the phone on speaker and stands beside him, Yixing is surprised to find out that he has Mrs. Lee's phone number. To be honest, he didn't know that Jongdae even had a phone. Jongin himself doesn't really have one. He has it but it's in his pocket the whole time, it's almost like it's nonexistent. So once again he figures that whatever Jongin has or doesn't then it's the same for Jongdae but he forgets that Jongin and Jongdae don't live under the same roof and doesn't share the same love from their parents or don't have the same friends. He doesn't mean to forget that.

As soon as they're done talking, Jongdae volunteers to go get the paints while Yixing stays behind to see if he can still get some sort of pale color with the spray cans. It takes about 10 minutes for Jongdae to come back and Yixing notices that he seems happy about something. He seems more open and friendly and talkative today now that he thinks about it and he can't complain. Yixing really likes this side of him too. He ended up coming back with a plastic lid with a bunch of different colors and a lot of white and some black for just in case. Yixing starts mixing the colors with one of the paint brushes while Jongdae quickly runs inside the gym to come out with a plastic cup and water.

"Your friends seriously don't like me." Jongdae says randomly, making Yixing stop from painting to look at him. Jongdae just laughs though and starts painting a flower. Its a pale purple color and Yixing watches Jongdae do small strokes on it.

"Sorry."

"Don't be. Its kind of funny. I just walked in and they immediately stare daggers at me. Its like 'lalalalala happy time, Kim Jongdae just walked in let's stare daggers at him until we kill him. Lalalalala Kim Jongdae is gone now. Yay happy time again lalalalala.' They remind me of those cartoon animals." Yixing can't help but laugh at that. If Jongdae thinks of them that way then what must he think of him? So Yixing doesn't hesitate to ask but Jongdae does.

"You can tell me. Trust me I've heard worse." Jongdae stops painting and looks at Yixing now. Yixing seems a bit nervous with Jongdae looking right at him so he starts to paint some pale yellow on a character they drew.

"Are people being mean to you because of that rumour? Thats the most stupidest thing ever. Which by the way, I did not start that. I mean I know I caught you guys but I didn't start it, regardless of what Junmyeon thinks." Yixing's attention is caught again. Has Junmyeon said something to Jongdae? If he has, how come he didn't tell Yixing or any of their friends at all? He doesn't know what to say or do especially when Jongdae is just smiling. He's getting the feeling that both Junmyeon and Jongdae had something before but he doesn't want to ask. There must be an angel above or his lucky stars aligned today or something because for the first time ever he's actually having more than a couple sentences conversation with Jongdae and he doesn't want to ruin it. He'll ruin it by asking him if him and Junmyeon had something.

"Can I ask you something?" Yixing says as he stops painting and looks over at Jongdae. He wants to ask why did he suddenly turn really friendly towards him but that's pushing it as well so he asks something else.

"Sure."

"Whatever happened to the man at your work?" Jongdae stops painting as he starts to laugh now. He's starting to laugh pretty hard that Yixing can't help but laugh with him as Jongdae's laugh is contagious. And deadly too because he genuinely looks so happy, Yixing would do anything to keep it that way.

"The cops showed up and he told them what happened, but when I told them that there was money still leftover, they ordered what they wanted and I gave it to them for free. The man waited until the cops finished eating then they took him away. I don't know what happened after that."

"Won't you get in trouble with your manager or something?"

"Nah." Jongdae says, going back to painting another flower. Yixing just leans against the wall and watches him as he listens. "The manager is a shit. He's never there. The only way I'll get in trouble is if the man sues but I doubt it. He'll just really want me fired and write angry worded letters on why I should get fired. The man is stupid though. Just because they're called fast foods doesn't mean that they'll get their 20 thousand order right away." Yixing makes an "are you serious" look that has Jongdae laughing and nodding at him as he agrees. "Some people I swear."

"Some people." Yixing agrees and enjoys the moment of him and Jongdae somewhat being friends.

-

Yixing and his friends are at another band gig that Chanyeol invited them to and encouraged them all to be there because apparently it was almost like a real gig. Only it wasn't. It was close to the mountains so the party was in a middle of an empty field or more like a giant house with a giant backyard/field that was covered with giant bushes and plants and Yixing doesn't know what else. The area where the band was performing was like a small stage, it wasn't really but it was close enough and Chanyeol was excited about that. Yixing was excited also because Jongdae was there but it was a bit disappointing as he was with his friends. Yixing has never seen any of them at school so Jongdae's friends must be older or go to different schools especially Veronica since he's sure he would've recognized her flat ass around campus. She was back and Jongdae was back to holding her, his arm wrapped around her waist, but something was different. Jongdae was barely drinking while Yixing was drinking the most.

It wasn't healthy what he was doing because it was only fueling him but he didn't care. A green hue that reminded him of envy or jealousy bubbling up inside him, understanding why witches are always green on tv or in cartoons. He wants nothing but to keep Jongdae all to himself and keep Ms. Flat Ass away. He wants the smoky smiles, the kind where he smokes and when he smiles the smoke slowly comes out, and smiling kisses, and the whole getting held tight, pressed up against a hard chest. He wants it all and Ms. Flat Ass is the lucky one. He's lost track in how many drinks he's drunk but he feels nowhere near drunk or tipsy he must be though because he's missing the way Jongdae keeps looking over at him and keeping his eye on him for a second then looking away. Yixing needs to go outside and get some fresh air.

He's walking outside towards the field where the bands are performing at but he suddenly stops in the middle of the field and just looks ahead. Everything around him is hazy. He feels his body thrumming, hiding behind glowy neon lights where it just keeps changing colors, somehow making him escape to another world where everyone hides behind neon glowy light masks. He feels the ground underneath him shake as a bass from within is thumping. He wants to sing and dance and yell out and laugh but he feels like crying. He feels like breaking down right in the middle of the field as the green color is coloring his skin and making his stomach churn. And to make things worse, Jongdae is standing in front of him and watching him but not doing anything at all. He's expressionless as he continues to watch Yixing who feels like he's losing his mind. The people hiding behind the neon masks are suddenly turning into Jongdae and Junmyeon. They're standing together, side by side. As the colors change, so do them. Their faces turn into knowing smirks then they're kissing in front of him. His stomach is hurting, his chest is hurting… everything is hurting and Yixing is sure he has officially lost his mind.

"Yixing! We gotta get out of here!" A voice yells out, feeling calloused hands against his face. He can't process who it is and who's touching him but he hears them and feels them. "Yixing! Fuck, what the hell did you drink? Come on." The hand suddenly wraps around his wrist and is being dragged away. He feels his legs moving and moving more and more as he's now running as the hand is wrapped around his wrist and dragging him away. Yixing sees new light colors now. Red and blue covering new people as they're running away. He sees blurry faces and bodies as they run away but Jongdae looks crystal clear. "Someone called the cops and now they're here." He says as they continue to run down the street and don't seem to stop at all. Yixing has no idea how he's doing this but he's doing it and with the wind hitting against him as they're running against the current he's starting to feel better now. He starting to sober up and when he looks behind him and sees a cop or two running after the two of them, Yixing laughs out loud and makes sure to grab Jongdae's hand and starts to drag him away as the two continue to run.

"Lets make sure they don't catch us at all then." He says as Jongdae looks over at him then laughs. The two are picking up speed now, trying to outrun the cops and when they do, they run and run and don't let go of each other at all until they make sure it's safe to stop now. Even after, Yixing is not sure if he'll be able to let go or not.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I swear I was not listening to Bangtan at all but maybe I should have. Lol idk I just wanted them to run I guess. Run away Jongdae and Yixing. Just run. \o/Yay for a somewhat longer chapter.\o/ Once again I apologize if things are going too slow but hopefully things pick up from now on. Any sort of suggestion or criticism is welcomed and thank you for the hits and kudos. ^^ Have a lovely day. Now I'm going to bed because I'm tired and this chapter may suck so much because of that but whatever it's posted up. Have a great day! And Happy Valentine's day and if you don't have plans can I suggest having a hot date with Deadpool? Lol idk OK sorry. Bye.


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ending of previous chapter: (just in case you need to jog your memory up. I know I do sometimes.)
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> _"Lets make sure they don't catch us at all then." He says as Jongdae looks over at him then laughs. The two are picking up speed now, trying to outrun the cops and when they do, they run and run and don't let go of each other at all until they make sure it's safe to stop now. Even after, Yixing is not sure if he'll be able to let go or not._

They wind up at a park where both of them stop and lean forward as the two try to catch their breaths. They lost the cops a while back but the two continued to run anyway to see where they'll end up. Yixing is leaning forward and bracing himself as his hands are on his knees as his chest heaves up and down. When they were running Yixing didn't get a chance to ask or figure out how Jongdae found him. He himself doesn't even know what happened. One minute he's inside, then the next he's outside and Jongdae is pulling him away as there are cops chasing after the two of them. He doesn't know where his friends are and he really doesn't care right now. He just wants answers, but before he can ask, Jongdae is suddenly standing in front of him and cupping his face, looking directly into his eyes.

"You're not still high are you? Are you feeling OK? Should I take you to the hospital? Your eyes look fine to me, maybe it wasn't a lot. The run probably sobered you up."

"What?" Jongdae steps back and is _blushing? Holy shit that's so cute._ Yixing thinks as Jongdae's lips turn into a tight line then lowers his hands down. Yixing notices that his fingers have markings, quickly grabbing his right hand and turning it over, palm side down. His fingers close to the knuckles have tattoos that say KAI and an empty heart on his pinky finger. Yixing's stomach is twisting again as Jongdae is probably dating someone and he doesn't want to say that he's upset or jealous, he just doesn't want him with someone else right now not when he's so close to, well being close to him. Sort of. The tattoos look sort of new too as he doesn't recall seeing them when they were painting.

"I think someone spiked your drink." Jongdae says quietly and Yixing's only response to that is 'Oh'. Jongdae looks up at him and is narrowing his eyes into a slit. "Oh? Yixing you can't just be saying oh to this." He starts pulling his hand away from Yixing, grabbing his hand instead and leading him to go sit on a bench instead but Yixing's idea on going to the swings is much much better.

"Push me."

"What?"

"Push me." Yixing says. Jongdae just stands there and watches him for a really long second. He ends up sighing and ends up standing behind Yixing as he hesitantly puts his hands over his back but doesn't touch him until Yixing turns to look at him. "Come on I'll push you after. Just push me."

"You're not still high are you?"

"Push me!"

"OK!" Jongdae yells back and laughs as he starts to push. It starts off slow but as he continues to push and Yixing starts swinging his legs back and forth, Yixing slowly gets higher and higher and Jongdae stops pushing altogether. He wants to swing too so he grabs the swing that's next to Yixing's and starts swinging himself back and forth, little by little picking up speed.

"Wait I'll push you right now. Hold on." Yixing says as he tries to slow down to get off the swing to push. Jongdae stops him though.

"No I'll do it. Besides I'm starting to get higher now." Yixing looks over and sees that Jongdae is in fact getting higher and higher. They're going around the same speed and height and the two are laughing as they're sure they can go higher and higher but Yixing feels scared that they might end up breaking the swing set so he tries to slow down now while Jongdae bets that he can jump off the farthest.

"No don't do that. You'll hurt yourself."

"Will you talk to me?" Jongdae asks. Yixing is slowly swinging now but looking over at Jongdae and wondering what he means by that. They're talking now.

"Will you talk to me?" Yixing asks back and Jongdae nods. He still doesn't know what he meant by "talking to each other" but OK he'll talk to him. Jongdae doesn't jump off but he does stick his legs out and tries to plant them hard onto the ground to stop swinging altogether. He ends up kicking up dirt as he sort of missed and he laughs out loud as Yixing is coughing.

"Oh shit! Sorry!" He jumps off and goes to Yixing who is now sitting on the swing and trying to calm his coughing down. Jongdae cups his face again and again he's looking into eyes. Yixing can't help but stare at him. His skin is so pretty and bright, his brown eyes are a brown hue that bring warmth and comfort to others and that damn neck tattoo and teasing lettering against his chest, Yixing wants to tilt Jongdae's head to the side to get a good look at it but could only make out a hint of some sort of flower tattoo. He also wants to lower Jongdae's collar down to see what it says but all he sees is "orn to", whatever that means. He's also growing hot in temperature so there's probably a fat chance that Jongdae can see his cheeks turning pink.

"Why are you suddenly friendly towards me?" The question came out out of nowhere but Yixing doesn't regret it because Jongdae is not mad or anything. He lowers his hands and backs away once again. He looks down and doesn't look up, tightening his lips into a line. He wants to say something, Yixing can tell but he's being hesitant and Yixing is not going to force him to talk. So he does the talking instead. "Not that I don't mind or whatever. Its just odd that you wouldn't really talk to me before, now here you are. I appreciate it and everything, but you know... just wondering. I'm also not pushing you away or anything like that. I like being around you."

Jongdae sighs and goes to sit on his swing. He sits there quietly for a second then looks up at him. "To be honest, I didn't really want to get close to you at all. Jongin was the one who kept talking to me about you and your friends and how you're all "good friends" and whatnot, I wasn't interested in any of you, except for Kyungsoo since he's Jongin's best friend and is always with my brother and plus I have him in a class. So I know all of your names, I just don't know any of you." Yixing nods at that as he understands and Jongdae continues. "The day you went up to me and asked me about Jongin, you were the only one, besides Kyungsoo, who came up to me and asked me about him. You seemed like you were genuinely curious as to what was up with him and I don't know... I guess I liked you a little better for that. Plus Mrs. Lee paired us up together and she mentioned that you're a good kid too and working with you... I don't know. I guess you just have something that makes people like you and want to be around you. Not to mention that you seem really OK at being around me and don't care what others say or do if you're seen with me. And also seeing your friends get mad at me for being around you makes me want to anger them some more."

Yixing laughs at that. "You little shit." He comments but suddenly clamps his mouth shut while Jongdae laughs out loud at that. "I didn't mean that."

"You don't have to hold back on me. Its funny. And yeah I guess I am a shit for doing that. So yeah that's why I guess I've been more friendly towards you. And also, someone spiked your drink or you drank someone's drink by mistake and all you said was Oh. You shouldn't say that. You should be upset or angry. How were your friends not around you when it happened? Do you feel funny or anything? Good thing you didn't drink a lot."

Yixing stands and starts stretching his limbs out. He doesn't feel odd or anything. He did feel stuffy at the party and he was sure he was turning green when he saw Jongdae and Ms. Flat Ass together but that was it. He then remembers a mirage of sort of Jongdae and Junmyeon together but he bites his tongue against it. "Are you dating that one girl? Is she Kai?" He asks randomly. Jongdae just laughs then shakes his head.

"Hell no. Its messed up, but she's just a hook up. She was cool at first but she's kind of a shitty person and keeps going after me." Yixing nods a little but doesn't say anything even though he wants to cheer. Jongdae just laughs. "And Kai is Jongin. We used to call him Kai a lot when we were kids so I got his name tattooed on me. It's stupid I know, but he means a lot to me, plus I've been wanting to get it done on me for a long time now."

Yixing reaches for his hand again to look at the tattoo and trace his fingers lightly on the markings. "You really really care a lot about him don't you?" Jongdae nods then smiles.

"He's all I have left. So I'm protective over him, even if he is like a thousand feet taller than me." Yixing laughs and nods as he agrees. Jongin is taller than both of them so Jongin may seem like the older brother or older friend of the group but when people get to know him, it's quite the opposite. He also gets sadden a bit at the confession. Jongin shouldn't be the only person he has left. Yixing doesn't necessarily have to be the one there for him but he'll like to be. Him and Jongin and Kyungsoo. He wants to talk about so much more but that's for another time.

"OK honestly I don't feel bad or anything but I'm kind of hungry. Do you want to go get something to eat or go back to your friends?" Jongdae stands up and stretches then laughs out of habit. Jongdae seems dark and moody but he's actually quite a happy guy and Yixing likes that.

"Party was kind of lame. I don't mind food. Plus I'm sure someone was smoking weed and somehow the smoke in the air made me hungry. Where do you wanna go?"

"I don't know? Burgers?" Yixing asks jokingly that Jongdae laughs out loud.

"Now who's the shit now."

-

"So you and my hyung went out to eat as soon as the two of you got away from the cops?" Jongin asks as Sehun is laying, or more like sprawled out on the dance floor while Yixing and Jongin are sitting and talking. Yixing is stretching his legs and nodding, remembering that Jongin likes to use the Hangul term for brother for Jongdae. Sehun lifts his head up to look and give him a scoff then lower his head back down.

"What?" Jongin asks, nudging Sehun with his foot. Sehun sits up but only looks at Yixing.

"You guys went out to eat and didn't invite me. Ugh." Sehun lays back down and Yixing laughs, nudging Sehun with his foot as well.

"It just happened. Besides, I thought that you don't like Jongdae at all so what will be the point of inviting you?"

"You don't like my brother?" Jongin asks as Sehun sits there with his mouth open wide and looking back and forth, from Yixing to Jongin.

"He's kind of good looking-"

"Why the hell are you staring at my brother like that?" Yixing just laughs out loud and claps as Sehun is at a loss for words while Jongin is sticking up for his brother. Jongdae is not just protective of his brother, Jongin seems to be the same way as well.

"Anyway…" Kyungsoo says as he ignores both Sehun and Jongin smacking each other and everything as he turns his attention to Yixing. Kyungsoo and Jongin are going to hang out later so Kyungsoo stayed with Jongin after school, he's hanging out in the dance studio with them but none of them seem to be getting much dancing done so they're just sitting around. "You and Jongdae… he must like you. He doesn't get that close to someone unless he likes them."

"How did you and him get close?"

"We didn't. Well since Jongin and I are friends, I guess Jongdae sort of became friends with me as well. It just happened. But seeing how he's not friends with any other of our friends, and I don't blame him because they can be so dumb sometimes, he seems to like you." Yixing is nodding. Jongdae did say since Yixing was the only one who went up to him to ask about Jongin and how he's protective of him, it kind of makes sense. Jongdae will get close to the people who really care about Jongin. Yixing doesn't mind at all. It just shows that Jongdae is something people think that he's not.

-

"What the hell Yixing?! You were drugged?!" Luhan practically yelled it out loud for the whole school to hear. Yixing and Chanyeol had to shush him while Baekhyun stood up and apologized for being noisy to the rest of the people sitting around them. They were sitting around their table at the outside eating area waiting for the rest of their friends but Yixing thought that it was pointless to wait for the others to tell the stories when freaking damn rumors go by so fast amongst them. He remembers telling Jongin and Sehun and Kyungsoo, but somehow the others already knew or only knew a small portion of it. Now they wanted to hear it straight from the source's mouth.

"I wasn't drugged, Luhan. I was just drinking a lot so I was probably drunk."

"But if Mr. Stoner said that you were high then you were high."

"Mr. Stoner?"

"Yeah. Jongdae is a big old stoner. You can't recognize a druggy without being a druggy yourself." Minseok suddenly hit Luhan on the arm, making him whine. "Minseok! What the hell?"

"What did I tell you about talking about Jongin's brother like that?"

"That I shouldn't. But still, Minseok, he should know. Maybe that way he'll finally stay away from him." Luhan looks directly at Yixing when he mentioned the last part. Yixing just groans and rolls his eyes.

It was lunch time and honestly Yixing was just wasting his time sitting there with his friends when he could just be with Jongdae. Its amazing how quickly the two hit it off the day of the party. Yixing was still hallucinating a bit but thankfully it wasn't too much and Jongdae was great help, mentioning that he's had practice before. Yixing wasn't sure if Jongdae himself had practice because he did drugs or because his friends did and Jongdae would take care of them. Once again, he wasn't going to ask. But Jongdae stayed by his side and Yixing was grateful. They walked around not knowing where to go eat but when Jongdae spotted a taco food truck with a couple of tables set up outside for people to eat there, that's what they did. They probably ordered one taco of each kind and two large coke bottles and they sat there the whole time discussing which taco tastes better and what hot sauce goes great with it. Yixing didn't put any hot sauce on his whatsoever so Jongdae booed him and called him weak but suggested putting lime on the tacos at least. Yixing was in taco heaven, or was probably hallucinating taco heaven.

When they finished eating and were too full to move, they sat there a while longer talking about music and movies. Jongdae has a different variety of tastes in both. And of course trying to figure out how Yixing ended up with a spiked drink. As the night went on, Yixing didn't care. If it didn't happen he wouldn't be there with Jongdae and talking about how the only reason Iron Man and The Captain are having a civil war is because they either don't let their adopted son Peter Parker date or because Bucky is the one who actually gave Peter permission to date and the two are arguing because they thought that the other gave permission. Its topics like these that Yixing can't have with his friends other than Jongdae because Jongdae is pretty much open minded to anything while Yixing's friends will be all, "What? Iron Man is not into Captain America! He obviously hooks up with girls all the time and has Pepper." _Friends are dumb sometimes._

But sometimes friends can be good. The whole time Yixing spent his time with Jongdae he realized that Jongdae can be very hands on with people. Or at least to people he knows or is with. The whole time the two kept walking around trying to find a place to go in and eat, Jongdae will kind of grab onto Yixing and it didn't help that every time he did so Yixing will just grow hot. It didn't help that his T-shirt has a low collar cut that it would just expose his chest and the damn tattoo that he still couldn't make out what it said. His neck and neck tattoo teasing him and his damn habit of licking his lips like all the time and all Yixing sees is a small kitten like tongue peeking out and running across his lips to wetten them or lick his lips clean whenever he took a bite of his food. Friends are good because Yixing doesn't let his mind wander to other thoughts with them, except maybe when he had a thing for Junmyeon, even though he didn't think of him that way like much at all, but with Jongdae, it's a lot and _friends are good._

"I'm serious, Xing. Jongdae, is not the one for you." Yixing just scoffs and gets up to go away. He's going to go find Jongdae instead. He's sure he'll say something to anger Luhan and himself if he stays any longer. "At least think about it or something." Luhan adds, grabbing his arm to stop him. Yixing just nods then walks away. He heads towards the field where he last saw him the first time he went looking for him but there's no one there, not even on the bleachers. He pouts a little but heads somewhere else to go find him. He's walking across the field and towards a small grass area where a big shady tree is at, there's a table there and surprisingly no one is sitting there. As he gets closer, he notices legs and a skateboard and backpack by the tree but he can't make out who it is. When he's closer he sees Jongdae leaning against the tree and sprawled out, a cigarette in hand and wearing earphones. His eyes are closed as he's moving his head along to the beat and Yixing decides to scare him by nudging his foot.

"What the fu- Oh! Yixing! What's up?" Jongdae sits up and pulls his earphones out, shoving the cigarette onto the dirt to put it out. Yixing sits in front of him, setting his backpack down and giving him an amused look.

"Mind if I stay with you for a bit?"

"Yeah sure." Jongdae says as he ends up crossing his legs in front of him, Yixing just stares as Jongdae realizes that he answered wrong. "I mean I don't mind. Of course you can stay here." Yixing smiles and makes himself comfortable but things are kind of quiet and awkward between them and Jongdae hates awkward and so does Yixing but neither of them don't know how to get rid of it. Jongdae clears his throat while Yixing is pulling on the grass. He ends up throwing some of the grass he ripped out at Jongdae and tells him that he sucks.

"Why?"

"I don't know. I just thought that it will be more fun. Sorry."

"Is it your friends?" Jongdae asks, Yixing let's out a loud groan then nods. Jongdae just laughs and ends up throwing some of the grass back to Yixing. "Its your fault for hanging out with them."

"Thats why I'm here, but you're kind of boring too." Jongdae let's out some weird sound that just makes Yixing laugh out loud and throw more grass at him. "What was that?"

"That was my offended sound. I am not boring."

"Really? What were you doing before I got here?" Yixing crosses his arms across his chest and just stares as he waits for Jongdae to answer him but Jongdae is just making different faces a second as he can't figure out what to say. "See! Boring."

"I guarantee you. I'm not."

"Then prove it."

"How about… weee…" he does a little shrug then laughs out loud as Yixing laughs with him.

"See? Boring."

"But I'm not." Jongdae whines as that is the first time ever that Yixing hears him whine and oddly it fits him. He kind of likes it too. Mr. "I'm a punk guy so I must be scary" is actually not and Yixing kind of finds it cute. "I'm a fun guy."

"OK I believe you."

"No you don't. You're a horrible liar." Jongdae crosses his arms across his chest then turns away as he doesn't want his attention to be on "the liar". Yixing just laughs and he genuinely laughs too as he's having a good time sort of teasing Jongdae, who seems like he doesn't mind at all. He then turns to Yixing and looks over at him, Yixing just watches him as Jongdae opens his mouth but doesn't say anything, he nudges his leg with his hand to get him to talk as Jongdae smiles. "Do you want to walk off campus? There will be fun to do there."

 _OK. What exactly should I say?_ Yixing never ditched or walked off campus before. Seniors were the only ones allowed to walk out during lunch time and although they're both seniors, they're allowed to but he's not sure if he should or not. Jongdae must've read his mind or is an expert at reading people's expressions because he's telling him they don't have to. "Its just a suggestion. We can stay here." Jongdae gives him a smile but somehow Yixing feels that it's fake. Or maybe it's because deep down he himself doesn't want to stay here and wants to go out somewhere with Jongdae. He wants Jongdae to persuade him to walk out with him and together they'll go on some weird adventure but more likely they'll go to an arcade or go somewhere to eat or to the movies or maybe some weird hangout spot. But a little voice that somehow is winning is telling him that he shouldn't walk out because he's a good student. He doesn't want to be the good student though. Its his last year, he wants to go explore and do something reckless. Preferably with Jongdae.

"No. Lets just go. But won't we get caught?" Jongdae laughs at that and shakes his head.

"I see Jongin and your friend Se-Sehun?" He asks for a reassurance and Yixing nods as he got it right. "I see Jongin and Sehun walk out all the time. They never get caught and they're in their third year. You'll be fine." Jongdae clamps his shoulder as soon as he stands up. He has his backpack on and board at his side, giving Yixing his hand to help him up. Yixing is hesitating after he just said yes. What will his friends think? What will Junmyeon think? But the answer is he doesn't really care. He takes Jongdae's hand as Jongdae pulls him up and together they walk towards the teacher parking lot and towards the street to walk towards the corner and head to the main road.

-

Under a bridge there's a small skate park that the local skater kids built themselves. Its not a professional looking skate park, but it's a nice spot to hang out at. The only thing though, they either have to climb the fence or go about 30 feet to their left to go through from a hole some kids made on the fence. It is "private property" as the cops don't want any of the kids there since it's basically a river creek that only fills up when it rains a lot but since it hasn't been raining at all, it's basically dried out. So Jongdae leads the way as he throws his bag and board over the fence and starts to climb it as Yixing follows after him. Luckily they shoved their food in their bags so their fries won't be scattered all over the ground. After long complaints from Jongdae, Yixing convinced him to get burgers and fries to eat. Ever since the whole Burger thing at Jongdae's workplace, the two kind of see it as a joke. Jongdae doesn't want anything to do with them while Yixing has actually been craving some and its one of his favorite foods. Jongdae teases him with pizza while Yixing doesn't want anything to do with pizza or pasta because it reminds him of Junmyeon. Its his fault for telling Jongdae in the first place.

They carefully walk down towards the creek where it's flat as they have to carefully walk down a steep. _Whoever designed the whole thing is an a-hole._ Yixing thinks as it's the most weirdest steep ever. There's a walkway for people to ride their bikes or go for a run or just walk as the other end of the whole thing there's a park and a library. But there's a fence throughout the whole thing to keep everyone from going down the steep and towards the small, Jongdae calls it a puddle so puddle is what sticks to Yixing, flowing puddle and going under the bridge. People live under the bridge though. Or people hang out there or do drugs there or just go there for some peace and quiet but it's contradictive as the bridge is there for cars to pass over the creek so there's no peace or quiet at all. It is oddly comforting even though the walls are covered in graffiti and who knows what sorts of things happened there. Once they're done going down the steep, they have to jump down towards flat land and just a few feet away in front of them, is the small flowing puddle that always seems to be surrounded with birds, according to Jongdae. When Yixing looks over he gulps as there is a ton of birds there and _damn._ He really hates birds.

Jongdae jumps down and skates over to the couch some of the skate kids brought over from their own place. Good thing they took the couch to a upholstery first before bringing it here or the couch would be so nasty right now. Still, Jongdae just wipes the couch with some of the napkins and calls Yixing over, telling him it's safe to sit. Yixing walks over and gets his food out from his bag before throwing his backpack down on the floor as he sits besides Jongdae who has already taken a huge bite of his burger. They sit silently only letting out small hums of enjoyment as they continue to eat when at their left,Yixing notices a small group hanging out underneath the bridge. They don't seem to notice the both of them at all, and they probably won't because there's a huge white cloud of smoke where they are.

"They're vaping. They won't bother us at all, but just in case don't look towards their direction that much. They'll probably take it the wrong way." Yixing nods as he understands then reaches into his bag one more time to pull out his drink. They continue eating and don't say much until they're done eating altogether and even after they sit there silently watching some of the birds fly into the water then come back out. Aside from the noise it is somewhat relaxing. No one is bothering them and they're not bothering any one and although they're quiet it's a nice comforting quiet. Yixing can't have any comforting quite moments with his friends because they constantly have to be talking. Jongdae is kind of the same as he noticed that when they went out to eat the day of the party but Jongdae at least tries.

"Yixing."

"Hmm?"

"We should leave." Yixing looks over at him and finds him staring at the group that were vaping. He also finds that the group are making their way towards them and if Jongdae wants to leave then they should leave right now. He reaches for his bag but Jongdae stops him, putting his hand over his and looking at him with somewhat widen eyes. "I'll talk to them. You just go back up and jump the fence. Don't wait for me." Yixing's stomach, or something, just dropped inside him. _What the hell does Jongdae mean by that?_ He's getting a bad feeling and he doesn't want to leave Jongdae behind especially when Jongdae himself seems afraid of the group that's coming towards them. Yixing looks over and doesn't know any of them at all. They also seem older than the two of them. Like around late 20's, early 30's, and if they're under a bridge vaping, then nothing can go right.

"Do you know them?" Yixing finds himself asking but Jongdae doesn't answer. He has a blank expression that Yixing can't read and it's angering him that he can't read him well yet. It's only been a short time and he can figure out some of his quirks or things but when it comes to a more deeper personal level, Jongdae is good at hiding certain things. He only chooses to reveal what he only wants people to see. Everything else is a closed book.

"Go now." He says quietly then raises his voice. "Its good to see you. I'll see you again soon." He suddenly gives him a low high five then pulls him into a somewhat awkward hug, mainly from Yixing's side because he's not hugging Jongdae back at all, then pulls away. Jongdae gives him a smile and starts turning away as Yixing stands there awkwardly. His stomach is hurting him and he can't find himself doing what Jongdae asked him to do at all. He doesn't want to leave him. He _can't_ leave him. It wouldn't feel right if he did. So he does what in his head tells him would be best. He grabs Jongdae's hand, making sure he's gripping his hand tightly, then makes a run for it. Jongdae doesn't even pull away or hesitate. He's running with him as well, once again running away together and getting away from the guys behind them who are in turn running after them as well.

"Crap! We left your bag and board behind!" Yixing yells out as they continue to run forward. He's so glad that they're both young since neither of the guys chasing after them seem to gain up on any of them. But running forward won't do them any justice. They need some sort of plan.

"Leave it. It's not like I need them anyway." Jongdae says as he turns around to look behind them. They have some sort of opportunity to just go up the steep and jump over the fence. They just have to do it quickly.

"What about college though?" If they weren't running, Jongdae would seriously laugh out loud at that but they are and Jongdae doesn't have time to have some sort of discussion about that. He does stop Yixing though who stops to look at him almost like he wants to have the discussion right then and there.

"This is not the time to have that sort of talk, Yixing. We need to go up and jump the fence. We can lose them in some of these house's yards if we run through them or something." Yixing just nods after as they both go over the small border for the steep and start to go up. When they reach the top, Yixing throws his backpack over to start climbing the fence noticing that the men are starting to go up the steep as well. Jongdae has already jumped down and is waiting for Yixing to jump. He grabs Yixing's backpack and puts it on and tells Yixing to jump so they can hurry up and leave. When he jumps down and sort of falls onto the floor Jongdae helps him up and takes his hand to lead the way now. They get away from the walk way and start running down the street, running towards some house's backyard to jump the fence, run through the yard, then jump another fence to get, hopefully into another street, but end up at another backyard. A yard with a large dog that starts chasing after them and barking like crazy.

They're screaming and running for their lives, Jongdae manages to jump over the fence as Yixing is internally freaking out and not caring if Jongdae is away or not. He's going to jump over the fence and he doesn't care if he lands on Jongdae. When he does jump he sort of ends up falling on top of him who is groaning so loud as he wasn't expecting Yixing to land on him. They managed to get out of it alive though, that they can't help but laugh out loud even with the large dog barking like crazy over on the other side of the fence. The guys are no longer chasing them but they still need to get away or they're sure the dog will find a way to jump over like they did. They scramble to get up and run towards the street then start walking as if they never did anything just now. They end up laughing all the way until they reach a main street.

-

Jongdae is sitting by the window while Yixing sits beside him, staring at him and waiting for him to talk but Jongdae just sighs and groans a little.

"You don't have to tell me everything. Just… the basic?"

Jongdae rolls his head to the side to look at Yixing. To really look at him. "I don't think you should know though. You could get into trouble with them and that's the last thing we both want."

"Well if there's a possibility with me getting into it, then you have to tell me." The two stare at each other for a second, giving one another convincing looks but Yixing ends up winning as Jongdae is groaning and sitting up to talk.

"You can't tell this to Jongin though. No matter what. Please?" He's giving Yixing his best puppy dog eyes that Yixing is finding that he can't resist but he also can't lie to Jongin either. Jongdae and Yixing are about the same age but Yixing has known Jongin longer than Jongdae. Its also kind of impossible because Jongin has the same puppy dog look as Jongdae but just more cuter because Yixing constantly gives in to him, it's just normal habit to do whenever Jongin does it.

"Oh. Ugh. I can't lie to him but... OK. Tell me."

Jongdae just nods then starts randomly poking his leg. He doesn't know where to start or maybe he's nervous about telling Yixing. He must be as he looks out the window making some sort of cute whiny sound almost in a way that tells Yixing that something in him is stopping him.

"You can trust me." Jongdae stops then looks at Yixing. He means it and he hopes that Jongdae can see that. He let's out a breath then starts.

"Jongin's dad got involved with bad people and he owes them money. Those guys know him and know me but also know the guy who he owes money to, so whatever chance they get, they come after me to send him a message. Little by little they take my money and give it to their boss I guess. Jongin doesn't really know and I kind of rather keep it that way too. So please don't tell him anything." Yixing promised not to tell but he can't help but drop his jaw in surprise.

"Is that why you're beat up? Are they the ones who beat you?" Jongdae is about to answer but Yixing still continues so he finds it amusing. "Is that why you have a job? Are you the one dealing with his debt?" Jongdae can't help but laugh out loud at him and when he does Yixing looks even more surprised. "Jongdae, I'm serious. This is not funny. Are you or are you not? Answer me."

"You're cute." Jongdae says with a laugh. Yixing immediately blinks at him and slightly blushes. He wasn't expecting that out of Jongdae, like ever. But if it is to change the subject, Yixing is not amused by it at all, even though deep down his stomach is doing flips. "I solemnly swear that I am not paying his debt at all. And they're not the ones who beat me up. It was at a punk show. I end up running away all the time whenever I see them. The job is just for other things." Yixing doesn't know why he let's out a sigh of relief but he does. The job for other things must be for Jongdae to go to the punk shows and to pay his phone so Yixing doesn't ask. But still, he doesn't like the idea of Jongdae running away from men who have no business with Jongdae whatsoever in the first place. And Yixing can't do anything about it. Jongdae and him are complete opposites, the two from different worlds. One is a punk street kid with street smarts while the other is a good kid who gets good grades at school and has lots of friends and never breaks the rules. Opposites attract. Or Yixing doesn't care what's going to happen next and who's speaking logically. If he's with Jongdae he's having fun and not holding back.

"But still." Yixing is slowly reaching for Jongdae's hand, a spur of the moment kind of thing and laces his fingers together with his. Jongdae doesn't move or anything but watches how their hands interlock with one another then looks up to look at Yixing as he's still talking. "You and them all the time and Jongin's father isn't doing anything about it? I don't like it. How come Jongin's dad hasn't done anything yet?" Jongdae shrugs then makes a weird "I don't know" noise.

"Its OK though. I'm kind of used to it." Yixing looks at him with a soft expression on his face then doesn't say anything else. Neither does Jongdae. Jongdae shouldn't be used to it and Yixing shouldn't get used to the feeling of Jongdae's hand with his and sitting together and looking out the window. He shouldn't get used to Jongdae suddenly putting an earphone in his ear and listening to a woman sing quite possibly about women who don't care what others think of them now. And it makes Yixing kind of sad that some of the lyrics are "Nobody wants to know, You cried the night before." Its a somewhat cheerful song. And it's Jongdae. So it must mean something more.

-

There's loud alarms ringing everywhere from the different game machines. There's also a bunch of different lights everywhere as well and Yixing can sort of make out the hit song of the year playing in the background. There's a bunch of kids running around with long strips of tickets while some kids get distracted by the pretty lights and sounds of another scam machine that will just eat their coins and only give them five tickets in total. Yixing likes to think of them as bugs. The kind that fly around the pretty lights and if they get too close they'll die. The kids here won't die and he's not wishing death upon any of them at all but he really really wants them to go away from him and the air hockey table he's leaning against on while he waits for his phone to finish blowing up. He's turned it off to avoid distractions while around Jongdae but now that it's two hours after after school he's decided to turn on his phone and check for messages from his mom. They all seem to be from Luhan and Junmyeon. Especially Junmyeon who does not seem happy at all. He sees maybe one or two from Jongin and Sehun and one from Kris but the rest are definitely Junmyeon. Especially his missed calls history.

Jongdae went off to go buy some drinks and exchange some money for coins while Yixing saves the air hockey table. They'll play pool but Jongdae doesn't know how to play, or more like doesn't know how to hit the ball, _that damn liar_ , there's a group of guys already playing on it, and they really don't want to deal with anyone right now. No more running for the rest of the day just some good old fashion arcade games. Plus Jongdae claims that he's a pro at air hockey and Street Fighter and who knows what else they have available, so friendly competition between the two should be fun. Yixing just needs to survive texting all of the text messages back first.

He texts Jongin and Sehun who Jongin seems to be OK with him hanging out with his brother while Sehun is a bit angry that once again he didn't get invited and doesn't want to stay with Tao. Luhan doesn't text back since he's probably still at soccer practice but Yixing let's him know that he's OK and that's all that matters. To Junmyeon. He doesn't know what to send him or if he should even call or text. Deep down he just wants it to be a text but he knows if he doesn't call, Junmyeon will lose it.

"I brought you Sprite. Is that OK?" Yixing looks up at the voice, finding Jongdae handing him a cup full of the bubbly drink. He takes a sip, or a gulp or two then sets it down, laughing at the kids who are running away from Mr. Scary Jongdae. Yixing thinks he's more of the big bad wolf from The Little Red Riding Hood story. Just with tattoos and ear piercings. But whatever. "Is your mom mad?"

"She hasn't text me at all. I guess the school hasn't called her yet." Jongdae takes a drink of his Coke then nods. Usually if the student is absent, or gets marked as absent, the school will send a call home about their child being absent or missing a class, but they always send it late in the evening.

"Sorry. I should have brought you back before lunch ended. Now you might get in trouble."

"Its cool. Its been fun and my mom is actually pretty cool about things like these. I just have to explain to her what happened and why I did it and she'll understand." Yixing notices how Jongdae watches him. He doesn't seem happy or mad or sad. Its something that Yixing can't quite pinpoint but it's a look that says that Jongdae doesn't understand. What, exactly? Yixing doesn't know. "What?"

"Nothing. Are you sure your mom will be OK with this?" _Oh._ Now he understands why the look. Jongdae doesn't have that kind of relationship with his mother and there's probably a possibility that neither do his friends either. He probably hears bad things about mothers all the time that talking about a mom being OK with whatever their kid does is rare to him. Its too early but Yixing doesn't care.

"Why don't you meet my mom? She'll love you and you'll love her. I promise." He suddenly bursts out. Jongdae widens his eyes a little probably in horror or in surprise as Yixing just randomly thought of it and let it out but probably horror the most. Jongdae is quickly shaking his head side to side and grabbing his drink as he walks towards the other side of the table to stick the coin in to start the game. He doesn't want to and Yixing is not going to force him but he is going to convince him. "Why not?" He asks as he follows after Jongdae. "I think it will be better for you to meet her and we'll both tell her what happened. She'll see that you're a good guy and she'll be OK with me hanging out with you." Jongdae freezes at that.

"So if your mom said no, you'll stop hanging out with me?" Yixing didn't mean that. He's looking into Jongdae's eyes, portraying that he's a bit hurt and Yixing really didn't mean to hurt him or insult him like that. He meant well.

"I know she won't say no but I still want you to go and meet her. She's kind of those kind of moms that need to meet my friends first. Its just something we do all the time." But Jongdae doesn't want to go. Maybe because he doesn't want to see what it's like to have a relationship with a mother or maybe he'll end up liking Yixing's mom so much he'll claim her as his as well but Yixing wouldn't mind. Yixing just wants Jongdae to see that not all mom's are bad. That even someone like Jongdae is capable of getting a mother's love too. He can't help but smile as he adds the next thing. "Don't worry about your tattoos. She'll probably make you explain each one and ask if she can color them in."

Jongdae cracks a small smile at that. "I don't know, Yixing." Jongdae really wants Yixing to be his friend. Aside from Jongin and Kyungsoo, Yixing is the only guy at school who is around his age and at the same grade level as him. If Jongdae was hurt or upset about Yixing's previous comment is because of that. He's mentioned that he likes being around him because he has a calming presence. If Jongdae is always running, then out of nowhere has some sort of calming presence around him but there's a chance that the presence can go away, Yixing would be afraid of losing it too. He understands him. So he steps forward and takes Jongdae's hand in his. Lacing their fingers together and giving each other a small squeeze. Jongdae is kind of holding his hand tight to the point that his hand is turning white but Yixing pretends that he doesn't notice. Instead he offers him a small smile.

"I promise you I won't go anywhere. I'll stay with you. Just meet my mom. I swear to you she won't say no. She'll like you." Jongdae doesn't say anything but he is giving him his best puppy dog eyes and jutting his lower lip out a little. Yixing just smiles. He won't give in to him. "If I win, we have to go. If you lose, we'll stay." Jongdae agrees as he thinks it's fair. Yixing hopes that it becomes unfair.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry if it seems like another filler chapter. The previous idea I had before ended up turning into this, which I personally think it became much better than the first. Jongdae may be a punk but he listens to all sorts of music so the song they're listening to in the bus is Yuna's Lights and Camera. Its kind of an upbeat song but because the lyrics can be interpreted as sad I wrote it like that. Sorry. Since I mostly write and post from phone I can't really post a link of the song up. Sorry again. -_- Once again thank you for the hits and kudos ^^ They really mean a lot. Criticism of any is always appreciated. I hope you have a lovely week and weekend. This is long now. -_- Bye.


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WARNING: Just in case, the word abuse is mentioned on here. There's no abuse mentioned here but Yixing wonders about it and yeah just letting you know in case the word itself is triggering so yeah. Also sexual act(?) on drugs. Not too sexual but it's kissing so yeah. Also a small portion is sort of on Jongdae's pov just in case it gets confusing. Anyway enjoy! ^^

Jongdae is grumbling as they wait in the waiting area for Yixing's mom to come out of a patient's room. Yixing laughs at him as he has his arms crossed across his chest and hears him mumble something about cheating and how it's unfair, but Yixing won fair and square and now Jongdae has to fulfill the promise. Yixing could see that he's nervous as his leg will not stop bouncing up and down and he has half a mind to stop him, but he won't. Instead he reaches for Jongdae's hand to hold. As if on instinct, Jongdae moves his arm and laces his fingers tightly with his and holds his hand tight, bouncing his leg up and down. They almost look like a couple like this or like a friend who is comforting a friend as he waits for news, but really they're waiting for Yixing's mom who Jongdae thinks she might eat him. Yixing just laughs at the image. Sure she would bite him when he was little, but in a cute motherly way as they played around but she would never bite someone, especially someone she's meeting for the first time ever. Jongdae has an active imagination. So they're waiting and in order to get Jongdae to calm down a bit he begins conversation.

"Do you think Junmyeon is mad because I left campus or because I haven't been hanging out with him?" Jongdae's leg stops bouncing, turning his head to look at Yixing.

"Both. Wait. You've been hanging out with me so he's mad?" He asks and Yixing nods. Jongdae suddenly has a smug smile on his face then turns his whole body in his seat to look at Yixing and hold onto his arm. "Good. Lets keep hanging out then. There's a party this weekend. Or more like a rave kind of thing. Want to go?" Yixing arches his eyebrow way up making Jongdae laugh out loud. "What? Some raves are fun. I go sometimes."

"Let's ask my mom then, but..." Yixing hesitates and decides against it. Jongdae notices and is shaking his arm and whining that he should tell him. He sighs, pausing for a second, then turns to look at him. "Do you and Junmyeon have or had something? Why do you guys hate each other so much?" When the words are out, Jongdae let's go of him and turns his body forward, crossing his arms across his chest. He doesn't want to tell him. If Yixing convinced him to go meet his mom, he can maybe get him to talk. He's just curious and honestly he just has a gut feeling that something happened between the two. He just wants to confirm if its true or not. He's not going to judge any of them at all. No matter if it will hurt him.

"Can't you tell me?" Yixing asks softly. Jongdae is slowly shaking his head and tightening his lips into a line. "Is it bad?" He tries again but Jongdae just shrugs. "Are you only being nice to me to get back at him?" Jongdae immediately turns his attention back at him and is arching his eyebrow up, looking at him as if what he just said is so ridiculous. "You really like me?"

"Of course I do. I may seem like that kind of guy but I'm really not. Yeah I admitted that I like pissing your friends off but I wouldn't use someone to get back at someone. Why do you think I don't want Jongin hanging around me during school?" Jongdae asks but Yixing is not sure if he should answer or not. He just gives a little shrug instead. "They could use him and that's the last thing I want."

Yixing nods as he understands then sighs. He wants to ask about someone else. "What about Luhan?" He's been getting a feeling about Luhan and Jongdae lately too, he needs to confirm that as well.

Jongdae turns to him again then laughs. "I called him a pretty boy once and he got hurt about it and now he hates me."

"So you don't know him at all or anything?"

Jongdae shakes his head as his answer. "Nope. He got mad because of that, now he bad mouths me whenever he can. I only know Kyungsoo and Jongin and your two weird friends, Baekhyun and Chanyeol?" Yixing nods as he's right. "Well them and Tao. That's it."

Yixing is surprised. "You know Baekhyun, Chanyeol and Tao?"

"Well yes and no. I know them since we were kids but I never hung out with them or anything. And Tao… to be honest I don't know how it happened. We just greet each other but we don't hang out or anything. Its just a head nod towards one another or a small handshake but that's it. I also had him for a class."

"Do you know his brother?"

Jongdae thinks about it for a bit. "Sehun?"

Yixing shakes his head then smiles as he was close. "They're best friends along with Jongin but Jongin mostly hangs out with Kyungsoo. Tao's brother is Kris."

"The captain?"

"Yup."

"Dang. Well I guess I can see it. They do kind of look alike. It sucks on what happened to the captain though. A fight against one is not cool." Yixing smiles at Kris' nickname but also frowns because Kris didn't get beat up at a fight but he's not going to tell him the truth or he'll really chicken out on meeting his mom. He'll assume that his mom or all moms will beat him or try to, then he'll run away.

"Sehun is Junmyeon's brother though." He adds.

"What the hell?! For real?!" Jongdae yells out then quietens down as they're not the only two waiting in the waiting area. Yixing nods then pulls out his phone, showing Jongdae a picture.

"They kind of look alike if you look closely but yea, they're brothers. Or half brothers. He admitted to Jongin that he thinks you're kind of good looking and Jongin kept smacking him and asking him why he's checking you out." Jongdae can't help but laugh out loud at that, covering his mouth as he places his hand over it but the laugh is still there and getting harder and louder as he tilts his head back against the seat and closes his eyes. Yixing can't help but laugh with him even though he has no idea why it's so funny. His laugh is just that contagious.

"Can I see that?" Jongdae asks. His laughter calmed down a bit and reaches for Yixing's phone. He has to unlock it to show him the picture again. A picture of both Kris and Tao standing together with Sehun and Junmyeon and Kyungsoo and Jongin in the middle. He smiles at his brother and Kyungsoo but as he scans through it and his eyes land on Sehun, Jongdae's lips curl at the corner. "That really tall kid thinks I'm good looking? That's so weird."

"Its probably the tattoos. He's probably attracted to people with tattoos." Yixing can feel his eyes on him so he turns his head to look but that was a mistake.

"Are you?" Jongdae asks but Yixing can't provide an answer at all. He's starting to sweat a little as his stomach is doing flips out of nervousness and can't make any coherent words come out but when Jongdae laughs out loud, it all goes away.

"I can't picture Jongin smacking this kid around. Its just too funny. It will also be a weird pairing don't you think?" He asks but Yixing doesn't want to answer. Jongdae doesn't seem to notice though as he continues. "Now that I know, I think it will be weird seeing the kid around."

Yixing takes the phone back then shoves his phone back into his pocket. "I think it will be the same for him as well." Jongdae chuckles but then leans back on the seat and wraps his arms around his stomach and groans a little. _He's so nervous. Its cute._ Yixing though doesn't want him to be so he reaches for his phone again and starts going through his pictures. "This is my mom and grandmother. She passed away a few months ago." He says as he hands Jongdae the phone. He seems so uninterested at first but his comment shows otherwise.

"She was so young. How old was she?"

"75. She got sick. She used to take care of a bunch of kids or help out a bunch of kids who are less fortunate, it's something that always stuck with me, now she's gone." Jongdae hands the phone back and sits up right again, giving Yixing's leg a pat.

"Is that why your mom is a nurse?"

Yixing shakes his head then shoves his phone back. "She's been wanting to be one since she was a kid. My grandmother, I guess kind of inspired her to do it. She pushed everyone to do what they wanted." Jongdae nods then looks down at his feet. He wants to say something but once again he's holding his tongue against it. "You know you can tell me anything, right? Or should I be initiated first?"

Jongdae laughs then nods. "You must cut off the horn of a unicorn head and eat it's heart then dance to the beat of a troll's heart." Yixing laughs out loud at that as Jongdae is trying hard not to giggle.

"What?"

"Yeah. Do all that and you're initiated."

"You're so weird."

"Shut up. You like me for it." Yixing doesn't say anything but starts to giggle as the people around them seem weirded out by the two of them. They laugh amongst themselves again when Yixing's phone rings, getting a text message. Jongdae begins tapping his hands against his thighs as he starts to drum along to some beat he's humming, tapping onto Yixing's legs as well. Junmyeon texted him but he doesn't bother reading it because he's more entertained with Jongdae's drumming. His phone rings again but he's not even going to look at it. He knows it's Junmyeon. And he knows he's angry.

"Is your mom really cool or you just said that to get me to meet her?" Jongdae asks suddenly. Yixing didn't even notice that he stopped drumming altogether. _Jongdae is sneaky like that._

"She's actually really cool. Why do you think she won't be?"

"No-Nothing. I just... hear things. Not about your mom of course, just about... others." Yixing wants to ask him if it's about his mother but instead he reaches for his hand and laces his fingers with his.

"Don't worry. You'll be OK." Jongdae is neutral. He doesn't smile or laugh or says anything but he nods a little then looks down at their clasped hands then smiles.

"We've been doing a lot of hand holding today. Does it feel weird?"

"Honestly, no. Does it?" Yixing asks as he looks down at their hands as well. Jongdae is shaking his head, laughing a little after.

"Its kind of nice. I'm just wondering if you're weirded out by it so I can stop."

"No. Its fine. I'm kind of grabby with people. You're the first who doesn't flinch or pull away."

Jongdae laughs, covering his mouth with his free hand once again and quite possibly, and it could be Yixing's imagination, but he's squeezing his hand tighter. Almost as if holding on for whatever is about to come. "I'm kind of clingy with people too. Or with people I like, I mean."

Yixing wants to say something or more like confess on how he really feels and he really wants to say it but when he opens his mouth, his name is being called out from his own mom who is standing by a hallway and holding a file in hand. He quickly gets up and pulls Jongdae up with him, a dimpled smile aimed for his mom as she smiles at the two. She motions for them to follow her and when they do, Yixing feels his hand get held tighter instead of the other hand loosening.

They go down the corridor and make a left hand turn and go straight into the first empty room they find. When they're all inside and the door gets closed behind them, Yixing pulls his mom into a hug, hugging him back tightly as Jongdae stands there a bit awkwardly and still holding onto Yixing's hand. He turns away to not seem like he's bothering anyone or being nosy but as soon as they stopped hugging, Yixing's mom is suddenly pulling Jongdae into a hug and it makes him smile. Jongdae looks so much like a lost puppy right then and there, Yixing wants to take a picture. But the most amazing thing, even though Jongdae is still holding onto Yixing's hand, he still very awkwardly hugs his mom back. It makes Yixing happy that at least Jongdae is trying so he gives him a thumbs up.

"Sorry. I don't know you and you don't know me, but I have a thing for hugging my son's friends."

"Its fine." Jongdae says quietly then pulls away and takes a step back. Yixing doesn't say anything and neither does she but she pulls her son into a hug again and asks him about his day. Jongdae once again looks away to seem like he's not being nosy.

"What brings you two here? Did you get in trouble?" Jongdae turns as he thinks she's talking to him but Yixing reassures him that she wasn't talking about him at all by squeezing his hand. They're standing so close together, the two may seem like they're attached by the hip.

"No I didn't get in trouble. Well it depends I guess."

"Depends on what?"

Yixing looks at Jongdae then at his mom. His lips are in a tight line then smiles as he wants to laugh. He has nothing to hide but he can't find it in himself to tell her. What if she does get mad? How will Jongdae react? Right now he's like a puppy or child. Any sign of anger or he's really uncomfortable or Yixing's mom gets upset with her son, Jongdae will run away. He doesn't want that to happen. He opens his mouth to tell her but Jongdae beats him to it.

"I sort of convinced him to walk off campus with me."

Yixing's mom is blinking and looking at the two. "Oh. But aren't seniors allowed to walk off anyway during lunch?" Jongdae nods then turns to look at Yixing, his mom doing the same. Yixing is looking at them both then does a sort of exasperated sigh which makes Jongdae laugh a little and his mom roll her eyes.

"We didn't come back after. And I know they're going to call home and I was expecting you to call or text me but you didn't but I asked Jongdae to come meet you and here we are." Jongdae is shaking his head no while his mom looks at him and smiles.

"He kidnapped you?" She asks and he nods, Yixing gasping out loud and letting go of Jongdae's hand to place it over his chest. "He's so dramatic, don't you think?" She asks him and once again he nods, a smile slowly spreading across his face. Yixing's mom laughs too then pats her son's head. "You know I love you. And you know I'll be OK with you walking off campus. Why are you freaking out?" Yixing shrugs then moves to sit on the chair they have in there, Jongdae moving to stand close to his side.

"I just thought that maybe you'll get angry. Junmyeon has been texting me all day because he's mad that I walked off."

"Ah is that what he wants? I thought he was being friendly." Yixing's mom says as she pulls out her phone from out of nowhere and starts going through it. Jongdae just watches her while Yixing watches them both. So far it's going good so he can't help but smile. "He told me that you walked out and if there was a chance if you were with me and if you are, to tell you to call him. What a nerd." Jongdae snorts and tightens his lips hard into a line to keep himself from laughing out loud but with Yixing laughing out loud and poking Jongdae to laugh with him, it becomes hard to do so. "Well he kind of is. Don't you think so?" She asks Jongdae but he doesn't know what to answer her so Yixing answers for him.

"He's not really friends with him or any of them actually. He's Jongin's brother."

"You're Jongin's brother? So you're the one in college?"

"No. He's in high school with us. Jongin..." Yixing looks at Jongdae just to see how far he can take it but Jongdae doesn't seem to stop him so he continues. "Jongin sort of lied. He didn't want anyone to know who his brother was. He's protective of him."

"You're in high school?! And you have ink already?! Your mom didn't get mad?" Yixing freezes at that and he wants to gauge Jongdae's reaction but he wants to pretend that for once Jongdae is actually OK with his own mom. That the two of them actually have some sort of relationship together. That she doesn't think he's a screw up or anything. That she loves him just as much as she loves Jongin and that the three of them live happily under the same roof. That Jongin and Jongdae share the same room and stay up for hours talking about everything. They show up to school at the same time from the same ride and share the same group of friends. That no one hates or even dislikes him or is constantly chasing after him. That he has peace and quiet and that he's finally happy. He wants to pretend but silence can be the most scary sometimes and the loudest cry for help and Jongdae is screaming for it right now.

"You don't have to tell me. But you are my first victim. Is that OK? I need to pretend that I'm at least giving you guys a checkup or we'll all get in trouble." Jongdae just nods then moves to sit up on the bed. Yixing sticks his head out from his mom's side to watch and offer a smile to make Jongdae comfortable. He kind of looks tiny sitting up there and Yixing wants to take a picture but after the whole mom thing, the atmosphere seems to be a little awkward. He doesn't know how to break it. "What's your name again? I feel like we didn't introduce ourselves properly."

"Jongdae. Kim Jongdae."

"Jongdae. Nice to meet you, I'm Yixing's mom." She says offering him her hand to shake. He's hesitant on taking it but after a second he shakes her hand and kind of smiles back. Yixing just waves at him to get him to laugh but his mom is reaching behind her to poke her son and ends up poking him on the face and makes Jongdae laugh out loud.

"Ow!"

"Well that's what you get. Why are you making faces at me?"

"I wasn't. I was waving."

"Oh. Sorry. I thought you were making faces at me." She says as she reaches for the stethoscope to put it on and place it over Jongdae's chest. He sort of stiffens up and Yixing giggles.

"Jongdae, breathe." When he says that Jongdae exhales then inhales again. Yixing smiles as Jongdae seems so clueless on what to do so he guides him on what to do next.

"Do you smoke?" She suddenly asks. Jongdae looks at Yixing as if to search for an answer but Yixing seems just as clueless as him. He ends up blushing though and slowly nods his head but his mom doesn't react negatively or anything. She only nods. "Do you smoke a lot?"

"I wouldn't say a lot." He answers. "Maybe two or three times a week. Depending I guess."

"On?"

"If I have smokes or not." Jongdae answers honestly and while Yixing kind of snorts his mom just nods. Taking all the information in. She continues with the stethoscope while Jongdae continues to sit there and looking everywhere but at her and Yixing.

"Is that a lotus tattoo?" She asks and he nods. "Its pretty. What else do you have?" Yixing sits up straight as he feels that he needs to pay attention to this. He's been curious, now he gets to finally know what he has.

"Umm I have Born To Lose across my chest. A heart on my pinky finger and KAI on my fingers and a rib tattoo on my left." Jongdae subconsciously places his hand over his rib and begins to rub it. Yixing's mind is on the Born To Lose one. _He has that permanently marked on his skin?! What the hell?_

"Why Born To Lose?" She asks for him. Yixing looks at him to hear what he has to say. He may or may not like the answer.

"Its just a song I heard and thought it fitted me well so I got it done." Yixing's mom just nods while Yixing is just staring at Jongdae. _At least it's not The Day I Left The Womb._

-

"Are you sure your mom is OK with me staying over?" Jongdae asks as Yixing takes out his keys to open the front door. Its dark out and the two are carrying take out with them. Yixing invited Jongdae over for a sleep over but if it took way too much just to convince him to go to the hospital, then it took probably double the amount to convince him to go to his house to sleep. He has the day off and everything but Jongdae didn't want to "intrude" by coming over. It will just be him and Yixing though. He won't be intruding on anyone. But the reason why he even got invited in the first place, has Yixing's mind clogged up and doesn't know what to do with it. He can't just drain it. It's information that could hurt Jongin and possibly Jongdae himself but then again Jongdae is the only person who knows about it and now him and his mom.

_After the checkup on the both of them, Jongdae and Yixing mentioned a rave this weekend. She agreed that they could go but to be really careful. Jongdae seemed to like his mom a little and didn't run away so that was a good start. Yixing was happy with him. They were talking about going somewhere else or if they should go home already but Yixing's mom asked him to talk to her outside. Jongdae agreed to wait inside while Yixing and his mom went to another private room to talk. She seemed worried or clearly had something in her mind that was eating her up but didn't know how to get it out. She decided to just tell her son._

_"Where did you meet him?"_

_"At school. Why?" Yixing's stomach starts to drop as he's sure his mom is going to tell him to not be around Jongdae anymore even though he promised that he'll never leave._

_"He's really Jongin's brother?" Yixing nods as the weird feeling in his stomach is bothering him. He just wants her to spill it. "Does he live with him?"_

_"No. Mom, you're starting to make me worry. What's wrong?"_

_"Nothing. Its just... he seemed so scared. At first I thought because we're in a hospital or because I'm a nurse but he wouldn't let go of you at all. He tried, I think, but I could be wrong but when I was giving him his checkup, he was afraid even though I made sure not to touch him or I would place the stethoscope over him very gently, he would just freeze. Did something happened with him and his mother? Or any female? How come he doesn't live with Jongin?"_

_Yixing thinks about it for a second. Was it possible that Jongdae got abused? He really doesn't think so. He hopes he didn't. But there is the whole, his relationship with his mother is nonexistent. "He lives with his dad. Their parents are divorced. His mom thinks he's a screw up along with their dad so he doesn't associate with her at all. He kind of told Jongin to keep away from him during school or whenever they see each other because his mom doesn't want Jongin around him and Jongdae seems to agree with her on that. I think he just thinks that all moms are bad that's why he didn't really want to meet you."_

_"And you forced him to come?"_

_"I didn't force him. We left it on chance. If I win we go and if he wins we stay. Thats it. But he didn't run away, at least that's good. Right?"_

_His mom nods as she crosses her arms across her chest. "I suppose. Did you cheat?" Yixing shakes his head no really quickly. "OK. You just wanted to show him that not all moms are bad?" Yixing nods and she smiles. "You're such a good boy. OK that's all I wanted to know." She pulls him into a hug then kisses his head. "I'm going to get you guys something, so hang tight." She says as they both exit the room and Yixing goes back to Jongdae who seems really interested on some liver chart thing. His mom is gone for a real long time and when she comes back she asks Yixing to talk to her privately once again._

_"I want you to invite Jongdae to sleep over at our place."_

_"Why?"_

_"Yixing, just please do it. No matter what. Get him to sleep over at our place, OK?" Yixing nods but all he has in his head going around and flooding him is the question why. His mom could clearly see it and she frowns as she doesn't want to tell her son anything but they always share everything with each other and she's not going to start keeping things from him at all. "I think Jongdae's living in the streets."_

_"What? What do you mean?"_

_"His address is not real. There's nothing there. We went through Jongin's files to get his dad's name so we can contact him but..."_

_Yixing could see his mom holding back on him. He could see her clenching her jaw tight to keep herself from continuing but he has to know. "What is it? Just say it."_

_"Yixing. Jongin's father is dead. He died from alcohol poisoning months ago. Jongdae is living in the streets somewhere or he's living with a friend or I don't know what. But please, please, please just get him to sleep over at our place. I will feel much more comfortable if he stayed with you."_

_Yixing is frozen solid in his place. He knew Jongdae had a secret or secrets but never to this extent. He never would have imagined this and Jongdae has been keeping it to himself without telling anyone about it. He hasn't even told Jongin. He can't even begin to imagine how Jongdae must feel whenever he sees his brother. He can't even begin to imagine how Jongdae feels in general._ Jongdae. _He has to go back to Jongdae. His stomach is hurting, he feels something clogging up in his throat. He can't talk or breathe. He wants to protect Jongdae._ I need to go be with Jongdae.

_"Mom, please don't contact his mother or Jongin. If Jongdae is keeping it a secret then we should respect that." Yixing looks so desperate. He's gripping his mom's hand who looks just as broken as him. He knows what she's going to say. He doesn't want to hear it. "Please mom. Promise you won't say anything."_

_"Honey, I can't. He's underage. I have to report it or something. I can keep him with us for a day or two, maybe even a week but his mom needs to know." Yixing hasn't even started with what he knows about Jongdae but he can't tell her anything because it's already been long and they don't want to keep Jongdae waiting or he'll grow suspicious. Yixing agrees with her and with one last hug and a couple of 20 dollar bills, Yixing walks out and goes back to a grinning Jongdae. It just ends up hurting Yixing more because he's so positive when he has every right to not be._

So here they are in Yixing's house and walking towards the kitchen to set the food down. Jongdae is curious and looks around. The kitchen is a decent size and kind of empty at the same time. There's only a refrigerator, a stove, and a dishwasher. The cabinets are a different color and so is the dining table. The walls are plain white and behind the dining table is the sliding door that leads to the backyard. Its kind of cute in a way. Jongdae just stands in one spot as he looks around. Yixing needs to clear his mind so he focuses on what Jongdae wants, even though he wants to hug Jongdae so tightly.

"Here I'll show you my room." He grabs his hand and squeezes it tight as he walks across the living room and towards the hallway where his room is at on the right side. There's a door down the hall that leads to the garage and a door on the left that leads to another room. The house itself is a one story house but to Yixing it's perfect. He opens the door to his room and goes inside, towing Jongdae with him. Its a normal room with a window and a closet. Yixing's bed on one side of the room and a small tv on the other. It doesn't hit him until then that Jongdae is actually and finally in his room. Last time he pictured Jongdae in it was when he had that dream and he blushes a little about it and grows a little hot just thinking of what happened but he shouldn't be thinking of Jongdae that way right now. At least it's a little better than wanting to break down in front of him and cry and swear to protect both him and Jongin.

"I forget that you're in dancing as well with Jongin. You guys must be good."

"Hmm?"

"The trophies." Jongdae points to some of the trophies sitting on top of the tv. "They're from dancing right? I forget that you take dancing with Jongin."

"Oh. I had no idea what you were talking about for a second. Yeah. These are old though. They're from my hometown." Yixing reaches for one and reads it but then puts it back. "OK that one was from here. But these are definitely old."

"You're not from here?"

"Nope. I moved here around middle school era."

"Middle school era." Jongdae repeats then laughs. "I didn't know that. Well welcome. 6 or 7 years later." Yixing laughs but it's not a genuine laugh and _damn. Jongdae knows him already._ He's looking at him as if he's worried.

"Are you OK? You know I can always leave. We can do this some other time."

"No. Stay. I'm just tired. We can hang out here or in the living room and eat our food wherever. What do you want to do?" Jongdae shrugs. Yixing decides to bring a bunch of blankets and pillows to the living room so they can watch movies and eat at the same time. Yixing sits on one couch while Jongdae sits on the other. They decide on some action movie at first then move on to comedies. After they're done eating and watching the comedy, Yixing suggests going back to his room to watch some horror film on Netflix that way they don't have to run in the dark in fear to get to Yixing's room. Jongdae agrees and throws his blankets and pillows on the floor and starts to get comfortable. Yixing asks him if he wants any comfortable clothes to sleep in but Jongdae comments on how he sleeps in his boxers. He won't be sleeping in them today because he's a guest so Yixing shouldn't worry but he's blushing so hard as he sleeps in boxers too but the idea of both him and Jongdae wearing nothing but their underwear is making his body temperature grow hot. He shouldn't be thinking of that at all. _Jongdae is a guest. Stop it._

"Can I take off my shirt though?" Jongdae asks and Yixing is afraid to speak up or some sort of squeak will come out instead so he nods. He watches Jongdae sit up and pull his shirt off and halfway fold it and set it down beside him. His pants are hanging way too low only showing the waistband of his underwear, he doesn't have six pack abs but he has abs and Yixing could see dark markings on his left side of the rib where his other tattoo is at, and has some sort of necklace on. He has a built chest and built arms and just built, its so contradictive. He looks small and not that built but he actually is. _And he's too damn hot._ "Do you sleep with clothes on? Should I put my shirt back on?" Jongdae is asking and Yixing should be embarrassed on how quickly he answered no to him but he's not.

"I mean, no it's fine. I actually sleep with my boxers on but you're right. It will be weird if I slept with just boxers on especially with a guest over."

"Oh. Well you are the host and host should be comfortable. If you sleep naked then sleep naked I don't mind. I'll sleep with clothes on."

"How about we both do it? Especially since you have to sleep with jeans on." Jongdae looks down at his pants then nods. Tight pants should not be worn to bed so he stands up and unzips his pants and waits for Yixing to do the same but he's kind of shaking a little. _We're undressing ourselves in front of the other! Jongdae already halfway done._ He gulps down whatever is clogging his throat and pulls his pants off then removes his shirt then turns away as if he's not actually freaking out about this. He reaches for a hanger in his closet and starts putting his pants and shirt away. He can do this. He's done this with Luhan and his other friends before. He's going to be fine. When he turns around and sees Jongdae in his underwear with the damn left rib tattoo, that he still can't figure out what it is, and dark string necklace around his neck, Yixing can't help but run out of his room. He hears Jongdae laughing out loud in the room while he runs to the kitchen to get a glass of water and make popcorn because "he forgot." _I can't do this._

Later that night when they finally picked a movie to watch, Yixing subconsciously goes on the floor with Jongdae. The floor is bigger than the bed and not to mention the floor is covered with hundreds of blankets and pillows, it just looks so comfortable. It wouldn't be fair if Yixing slept on his bed while Jongdae gets the floor. He's actually probably a little afraid and wants to be close to Jongdae but not because he's almost naked in his bedroom floor. He doesn't know what it is but it's definitely not the last. So he lays beside him as they watch some demon girl go around scaring everyone. He also forgot to close the door so the demon girl may appear in his house and go inside his room and scare them. When he mentions that Jongdae sits up and looks out the door, his imagination creating dark figures in the dark or scary shadows that are watching the both of them, and the both of them start freaking out. Yixing turns off the movie and the two go to bed or more like lay back and cover themselves with the blankets over them. Yixing watches the door while Jongdae watches the window. In case demon girl decides to crawl in from the window. And with their backs turned to one another, they lay in silence.

Its been minutes since the last time any of them spoke up so Yixing thinks Jongdae fell asleep but he also thinks he's going to be the first to die because he keeps thinking about shirtless Jongdae and pantless Jongdae and everyone knows that any sexual thing, whether big or small, they always end up dying first. So he thinks this is the end. He continues thinking about him in that way anyway. The dream he had which was random but so good. Even if not much happened. The image of shirtless Jongdae laying back and getting comfortable. The image of clothes less Jongdae altogether. How well he looks and how opposite like he really is. Smiling Jongdae. Nervous Jongdae. Laughing Jongdae. Jongdae holding his hand. _Jongdae. Jongdae. Jongdae._

"Yixing?"

"Hmm?"

"Did I wake you?"

"No. I can't sleep."

"Oh." Jongdae grows quiet behind him. Yixing thinks he probably did fall asleep. He turns to look but only sees Jongdae's… _damn he even has a nice back._ "I think I know why you wanted me to meet your mom." Yixing holds his breath to listen to what Jongdae has to say. Not one little noise should happen when he does continue to speak up. Not even his breathing. "You heard about me and my mom, didn't you?" Yixing doesn't answer and Jongdae doesn't mind because he continues. "You heard about me and her and… well not having any relationship right?" This time Yixing answers. He hears Jongdae shift behind him so Yixing does the same. They're now facing each other and even in the dark with the dim dull lighting going into his room from the lights of outside, Yixing still finds Jongdae beautiful. "I want you to know that I don't... hate moms. I just don't like mine I guess. If I did something to offend your mom, I'm sorry. She's really nice. I like her and you were right about me liking her and I guess I'm trying to thank you for taking me to meet her. She's really cool. I wish my mom was kind of like that." Yixing can't help but poke Jongdae's cheekbones which makes Jongdae laugh.

"You know, she can always be your mom too. If you need anything, let her know. She'll do it." Jongdae smiles then nods. He's thinking about it. He's processing it in. He's smiling that he might actually do it. Yixing is hoping that he does. That Jongdae one day asks his mom if he can sort of move in. There's no doubt in his mind that Jongdae is out somewhere in the streets or paying for his father's debt or running away from the men they got chased from. There's also no doubt that after his confession he sort of doesn't want to tell anyone about his situation because he's keeping them safe. Even his mother he claims he doesn't really like.

"Jongdae."

"Hmm?"

"Its barely 9 o'clock."

"Fuck! Are you serious?" Jongdae says as he sits up as Yixing laughs as he agrees as well. "No wonder I can't sleep."

-

Jongdae promised to stay by his side today at the rave and he is but the problem is that Jongdae's friends are sticking around Jongdae. So it can't be just Jongdae and Yixing. Its Jongdae and Yixing and friends. Or it's more like Jongdae and friends and Yixing standing around, watching them. Jongdae is not that talkative with his friends today and is trying to just stay or talk with Yixing but his friends are pushing him into staying or talking with them only. Yixing just watches. They're not being mean to him, which is good, and he's sure Jongdae would say something to them if they were, but they won't let Jongdae hang out with Yixing at all. They tried walking inside as so far they only discovered the outside wall of the warehouse but Jongdae's friends decided that tagging the wall would be fun. So Jongdae stays and frowns at Yixing, almost apologizing. Yixing just sticks around anyway. When they decide to get drinks, they can't go in because one of them is bringing a ton of drinks with him, Yixing can't figure out how the heck he even carried them all. So here they are, outside of the warehouse where the rave is going on inside, hanging out at the side of the warehouse wall and tagging it and drinking some weird alcohol some guy handed to Yixing. He now can't help but think about Jongdae and his situation.

Jongdae and Jongin are fatherless. Jongin lives with his mom while Jongdae is living with someone, Yixing hopes, or is out in the streets somewhere. He has a job but Yixing is sure the job is for him to pay his father's debt from the guys who keep going after him. He has no friends whatsoever only the ones outside of school but they're morons who only want to drink and get high and party. He's keeping this huge information from everyone, especially his brother Jongin but Yixing thinks he's doing that to protect him. Jongdae is so brave and so strong by not letting any of this hurt him or bring him down but the more he watches Jongdae around his friends the more Yixing sees that he's actually hurting inside. He just doesn't know what to do or who to go to for comfort. He keeps drinking whatever his friends give him then laughs out loud as if he's really happy, but he's not and Yixing knows it. Yixing is hurting just watching Jongdae pretend that he's happy and having fun but he doesn't know what to do about it.

"You're Yixing, right?" Yixing turns to the side and sees Veronica or Ms. Flat Ass, the name he prefers to call her as, standing beside him. She's looking towards Jongdae's direction who is laughing at some dumb joke his friend told him. "You see what I see too?" Yixing doesn't know what she means by that. She looks up at him and smiles. Its not an attractive smile but it's nice he supposes. "Come with me." She says as she wraps her hand around his arm and starts tugging him away and inside the warehouse. The place is packed with people. He can now see why they're better off outside. Veronica has to hold on tight onto his arm so the two won't separate at all, but she seems to be tugging him all the way to the bar. If they do separate they'll meet there. When they reach it, Veronica makes some sort of hand sign and the guy behind the bar nods. They're now waiting for whatever so Yixing looks around. The music is loud they could hear it from outside and with the amount of people hanging out outside it's ridiculous how many people are inside dancing. There's a lot of glowing lights and flashing lights everywhere. A bunch of people dancing or jumping around and cheering for whatever but all Veronica sees is Yixing and he's trying to play it off that he's not uncomfortable, but he really is.

"Here you go. Three magic workers." The bar guy from before says as he hands Veronica a small little plastic bag that seems to be filled with three small colored candy like things. He's not sure what they are but he knows they can't be good. Veronica ends up grabbing onto him again and leading him away once again. They end up outside as she laughs and opens the small little bag and spills the three candies out onto her palm.

"There's a red one and two blue ones. Which one do you want?" She asks. Yixing is so confused. _What the hell is she talking about?_ "You see what I see, don't you? You see Jongdae hurting and how he fakes it all the time. You want to help him, right?" Yixing nods. He kind of hates it but he's agreeing to what she has to say and she seems to like it too because she's smiling at him. "Give him one of these, and he'll feel good about everything. He'll no longer be tight ass Jongdae. He'll genuinely be happy. You should take one too. If you want him happy you have to be happy too. So what will it be?" Yixing is looking at her open palm with the three candy like pills. He's gone to parties but all he's done is drink. He's never taken drugs before and he doesn't want to start, but he really wants Jongdae to be happy, even if it's just for one day. Or just for a couple of hours and if Jongdae is the only one who takes it, he's going to know what's up so Yixing has to take it. "Do it for Jongdae." Veronica adds and that's more than enough convincing. Yixing reaches for the two blue ones and takes one himself as Veronica takes the red one with him.

~

Jongdae is mad at him. He's dragging him away from the warehouse and outside where he could get fresh air, but Yixing doesn't want fresh air. Yixing wants Jongdae to take the same blue candy thing he just took that has him feeling like this. He looks at Jongdae and he wants to devour him but Jongdae won't let him. He claims that he's high or on ecstasy and he's really angry and disappointed in him. But Yixing only did it for Jongdae. Jongdae who is all smiles and laughs but deep down he's hurting. Jongdae who is so hot and kisses on girls with flat butts when really he should just be kissing Yixing and taking care of him. Jongdae, whose Yixing's fingers itch to touch and his body craves for but won't let him do it. Jongdae, who Yixing is begging to to take the pill with him so they can both have fun and enjoy the rave. None of their friends are here. None of them. Not even Jongin or Junmyeon or anyone. Its just them and it should stay like that. Yixing took it to have fun and so should Jongdae because he doesn't want Jongdae to be sad or mad or lonely.

"You should be with me." He tells him. "I'll take care of you. So take it. It will just be us two. No one else." Jongdae just watches him. He's so mad because it was Veronica that convinced Yixing to take it. He's so mad at Yixing for just giving in so easily. "I took it to be with you." He adds suddenly, Jongdae's face twisting into anger but anger at himself. Yixing shouldn't take or do anything just to be with Jongdae. So he nods and Yixing grins. Jongdae grabs hold of his hand that's holding the blue pill and moves it towards his lips. He hesitates, even though he has taken it before but he opens his mouth and shoves the pill into his mouth, Yixing grinning so wide Jongdae is sure he can hurt himself if he continues smiling like that.

"Come. We only have a few minutes to get somewhere else besides here." Jongdae says as he takes Yixing's hand in his and grips it to make sure Yixing doesn't slip away. They quickly walk away from the warehouse to head anywhere but there to deal with what they just took. Jongdae gets Yixing onto the bus and they sit together. Yixing is holding onto his arm and keeps laughing at everything and keeps whining to Jongdae that he isn't laughing but Jongdae is trying to keep his head straight or the both of them high on E in the bus will get the both of them in trouble so he's holding back. Yixing is laughing and sort of freezing in his seat with his mouth hanging open as he listens to whatever song is playing in the bus. He starts moving his arms around and keeps laughing out loud and touching Jongdae. He's amazed by every bright light in the streets, by the people getting on or off the bus and trying to sit far away from him as possible. Jongdae needs to get them something to drink to stay hydrated but they're nowhere near a place to stay at for a while. Jongdae decides on a motel instead. They get off the first motel they see and Jongdae pays for a room. He's starting to lose it too. Starting to laugh with Yixing about whatever. They give him a room key ignoring the really bad looks they're getting and drags Yixing upstairs and down the corridor to the end where their room is at. This is going to look so bad but he doesn't care. He has to make sure Yixing is OK.

"Jongdae! I feel good."

"I know." Jongdae says finally opening the door and dragging Yixing inside. He ends up jumping on the bed and starts cuddling onto the pillows and holding them tight against his chest. Jongdae needs drinks.

"Noooo. I feel really _really_ good. Feel good with me." He grabs Yixing's arm to pull him down but Jongdae slips his arm away and walks towards the door. He's sure he hurt Yixing's feelings that moment but he needs to be focused.

"Yixing. I need to go get us something to drink. Stay right here and watch tv or something OK?" Yixing is not listening so Jongdae steps forward to cup Yixing's face to make sure he's listening. When he places both hands on either side of Yixing's face, Yixing wraps his arms tightly around Jongdae's waist. "I'll be back OK? Stay here. Don't go anywhere."

"You promise to come back?"

"Yeah. I promise. I'll stay with you." Yixing seems satisfied with the answer because he decides to let Jongdae go. Jongdae quickly walks towards the door and looks back one more time to make sure that Yixing will be OK. When he waves at him and lays back, Jongdae walks out and quickly runs to the gas station by the motel to buy what they need. A bag full of water bottles and Gatorade while the other is full of chips and cookies. He's angry that he didn't watch over Yixing so well. But when Yixing came running to him about how he was inside and waiting for the drug to kick in and how he didn't know how to ask him to take it with him, Jongdae smiles. He let loose a little even if it was Veronica that got him to take it. He's a little upset though that he took drugs thinking that if he does, he can be around Jongdae. When he gets back, and he knows the damn drug is kicking in, he finds Yixing on the bed shirtless and trying to take off his pants and playing some music channel.

"Jongdae? Jongdae you're here? You came back?!" Yixing yells out as he gets off the bed and runs towards him to hug him. His pants are hanging way too low and Jongdae can see a bulge. Yixing has been touching himself or touching anything against his body and when Jongdae feels Yixing's hands against him he starts to feel bothered too. _Damn ecstasy pills make every sense of touch heighten to infinity._ Yixing suddenly starts to laugh and reaches for a bag from Jongdae and pulls out a water bottle. "Oh God I was getting thrisrty. I tried to drink from the sink but my shirt got soaked. Did you bring water balloons?" Jongdae shakes his head no at him and closes the door behind him. He walks further in the room and continues shaking his head again. The drug is winning. He can't keep his head on straight. He falls back on the bed after putting the bags down and rubs his forehead. Yixing suddenly straddles him and looks down at him then smiles.

"Let it kick in Jongdae. You'll feel good too." He sits up and scoots back as Yixing sits in front of him. They're staring at each other, Jongdae feeling jealous that Yixing is shirtless while he still has his shirt on when he's starting to grow really hot. So he removes it and the two continue to stare at one another. Yixing's skin looks so smooth and pretty, Jongdae wants to touch. He has abs unlike him and he wants to touch to feel the smooth bumps against his fingers. He wants to rub his hands against Yixing's arms but the way Yixing is looking at him makes him think otherwise. His gaze is hooded and dark and Jongdae feels it right in his core. He's not sure what it is but he feels it. He wants to feel more and he knows he shouldn't do this but the two of them are leaning forward. Jongdae feels Yixing's fingers wrap around the back of his neck and presses him forward to him, soft lips pressing hard against each other. He's not sure if it's the drug but the kiss is heightened more than ever and it feels so so good inside. He's honestly hoping it's not the drug doing this but him and Yixing themselves.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter sucks but yes!!! to the end lol bye. Thanks for the comments, kudos and hits and for reading. ^^ It seriously means a lot. Have a good week everyone. ^^ Oh! The song Born To Lose there's a... I guess screamo band song and the other is an actual punk band song. Jongdae is talking about the punk band song and not the Devil Wears Prada one. (Thats the actual band's name.) I can't remember the punk band's name but yeah that's the one he means in case people were wondering(?) Anyway. Thank you once again and have a wonderful week. ^^


	6. Chapter 6

Yixing is really thirsty and really hungry as soon as he wakes up the following day. Its maybe past noon and he doesn't feel hungover or anything but he does feel sore. Not his whole body sore. Just sore on his arms and legs. Sore as if he's been lifting weights all night and didn't stop. He then remembers where he's at and with whom. He's at a motel room with Jongdae. He's not sure how exactly they got there and if they even paid but he's on the bed wearing nothing but boxers. When he sits up, he groans. He woke up erected and it kind of hurts and Jongdae doesn't seem to be around anywhere. He then thinks about Jongdae. Did he and Jongdae hook up last night? From the way he's hard right now they probably did or maybe they didn't and Jongdae gave him blue balls. He's hoping for the latter. He doesn't really remember much, just laughter and kissing and more laughter. He kissed Jongdae and he honestly can't remember if it was a good kiss or not. Then it hits him. If he remembers kissing Jongdae then that's the reason why he's not there. Yixing probably scared him away.

He lays back down and groans again. He messed up. He messed everything up with Jongdae. Messed his grandmother's promise to not do drugs, ever. Including his mother's and his friends. Well some. He messed everything up by agreeing to take a damn candy like pill just to feel happy. Just to make sure Jongdae was happy, but he's sure Jongdae only took it because Yixing begged him to. If Jongdae really wanted to be happy with him, he would've found a different way. But he does remember laughing a lot with him. Loud laughs too, that hurt both of their chests for laughing too hard. Even if it was false, they were at least happy. But he still feels guilty for doing it the wrong way. He sits up again and decides to go shower. That will be the best way to get rid of his problem. But after showering what is he going to do next? He really needs to think things through right now. After showering he has to pay for the room then he has to go home. Sounds like a good plan, except for the fact that he has no money and he has no idea how to get home. They literally went across town to get to this rave and Jongdae being an expert on traveling by bus or metro, he was the one in charge of that.

"I'll just go shower first." He says out loud to himself and gets up from the bed. When he sees a dark marking right on his thigh he gasps and runs quickly to the bathroom to look in the mirror. He has a dark mark on his neck, one on his hip close to his lower abdomen section and when he dares look, he has one right on the inside of his thigh. He's blushing so hard right now, his face is changing color. He's bright red trying to remember what happened but all he remembers right now is him marking Jongdae. _Holy shit! Wherever he's at right now, he has markings done by me!_ Yixing is blushing a little but his smile is slowly turning into a grin. He marked Jongdae and Jongdae marked him. He shouldn't be, but he's so happy right now. He should feel ridiculous but he doesn't. When he feels his cock twitch in his boxers just by thinking about it, he groans and decides to jump in the shower. "Don't think about it so much or it will hurt." When he's done and is finally pain free and wearing clothes again, he finds a note on top of the tv from Jongdae.

_"I paid for the room already and turned in the keys. I also left you some money on the drawer for you to take the bus or metro home. If you take the bus, take bus #213 all the way to the main street then take bus #16 and you're close to home. If you pick the metro take #514 and get off all the way to the end. You'll just have to walk home after. I'm sorry I'm not there. I have to go to work but I'll see you at school. I had fun. And you're a shit! I'm going to get into so much trouble showing up with markings on my neck. I also charged your phone. Later. -Jongdae."_

Yixing laughs out loud as he folds the paper in half to shove it into his pocket. Things on the note sound pretty good and he's hoping that things between them are good. He would hate for them to stop talking just because the two got high and sort of made out and marked each other, but a deep down gut feeling is telling him that maybe they did more. He sits on the bed and tries to remember. Usually ecstasy is not a drug that doesn't make you forget, it depends if it was laced with other drugs. But he can't remember what exactly happened. Of course he's not going to remember every detail but all he remembers is laughing and Jongdae and…

_"I love you, Kim Jongdae." Jongdae laughs as he leans back against the pillows and bunched up blanket then sighs. The smooth cool texture feels good against his back but then he groans as his erection and Yixing straddling him is not helping him._

_"Prove it, Zhang." He adds after sitting up. Yixing smirks then leans forward, wrapping his fingers behind Jongdae's neck to push him close and press soft lips hard against one another. Jongdae starts to laugh as he pulls away then falls back on the bed. Yixing collapses on top of him then sighs._

_"I really, really, do though."_

_"I know. I love you too."_

Yixing sits on the bed with eyes open wide. He really said that and Jongdae said it back. But it was the drug talking! It was definitely the drug doing all the talking. Yixing had no say whatsoever even if he really does feel that way about him. He groans and falls back on the bed. He definitely messed up. Thats why Jongdae did all those things for him. He was just being nice because he doesn't know how to tell him that he no longer wants to be friends. Thats why he's not here. He doesn't want to see him. Yixing messed up and it's all his fault. He's just going to stay there until everything is fixed. He doesn't know how but he'll get it fixed. His phone then starts to ring. He's going to answer first, then get it fixed. He doesn't even bother looking because whoever it is, is going to yell at him.

"Thank fuck you're still alive! Where are you?!"

"Luhan?"

"Who else is it going to be? Where are you?" Yixing sits up. He wasn't expecting Luhan at all. He's also not going to tell him where he is or Luhan will flip, even though he just said that he'll fix everything somehow.

"Umm. Home?"

"No you're not. You're a shit liar. Are you at least with Jongdae? Tell me where you're at! I'm going to kick his ass." Yixing snorts at that. He's never seen Jongdae fight and he might be a bit smaller than Luhan but he's sure Jongdae can take him on. He's also getting a feeling that Luhan knows something that he doesn't.

"Why are you going to kick his ass?"

"What do you mean 'why?' The mother fucker drugged you!"

"What do you mean he drugged me? He didn't drug me. I... did." There's a long long silence on the other end, Yixing is worried that Luhan might've passed out or probably ended the call. He never heard the small noise though that Luhan hung up.

"Tell me where you're at."

"I told you that I'm home." Yixing gets up from the bed and starts to gather his stuff so he can head out.

"Stop lying. I'm outside your house and there's no one here. Where are you?"

Yixing sighs. He looks around the room to make sure he didn't miss anything but everything seems in order, except for the messy bed and trash filled to the brim with plastic bottles and snack bags. He puts his hand on the door handle, phone in hand, and pocket change in his pocket. He has his wallet and the phone charger in case it's Jongdae's, now he's ready to head out. "I'm going to go talk to Jongdae."

"You're not with him?!" Luhan yells out. Yixing takes the phone away from his ear while Luhan continues with his obscenities. He rolls his eyes as he closes the door behind him and walks off. Jongdae said that he can take the bus or metro. He thinks it will be easier to take the metro but he's not exactly sure on where it's at. Its not underground that's for sure. They sometimes look like regular bus stops only they're on the middle of the street separating the left and right lanes for the drivers. He's pretty sure if he walks down the street he'll find it. "Yixing! Talk to me!"

"I'm looking for the metro. Shush!"

"The metro? Where in the hell are you?" Luhan is beyond angry now and Yixing can't help but giggle. "Zhang fucking Yixing. I'm not messing around. Tell me where you are right now." Yixing suddenly hears voices and some noise then hears a new voice on the phone.

"Yixing. Its Minseok. Can you please tell us where you are? We're really worried about you."

"Oh hey Minseok. Don't worry. I'm ok. Tell Luhan that. I'm just looking for the metro right now." Yixing is calm and feeling good walking down the street and walking past some food stand that makes his stomach growl. He stops to see if he should buy something or not but he doesn't even know if he'll have enough for the metro and enough to go to Jongdae's work and maybe eat there.

"Why are you looking for the metro though? Tell us where you are and we'll gladly go and pick you up."

"I have to go meet Jongdae and talk to him."

"Did he hurt you?" Minseok asks. Yixing once again stops. Why would Jongdae hurt him?"

"No. Honestly why are you guys worried? I said I was OK. Jongdae was the one who took care of me. Well sort of." There's silence once again. After a second or two Yixing hears more noises. He's on speaker phone now.

"You kept texting us weird things. Some weird pictures and videos and everything. Junmyeon was the one who told us that you haven't contacted him back and he was worried. So naturally we were worried too." Yixing scratches his head. He doesn't remember doing any of that at all. He puts his phone on speaker to check his messages, there's nothing there except old texts and Junmyeon's unread ones. As if Minseok read his mind he adds. "They're on our group chat." He goes to their group chat and sure enough there's a couple or maybe a lot of messages all from Yixing. A bunch of them don't make sense. Some are audios and videos and some are pictures. His stomach is starting to hurt as he scrolls through them but doesn't really open any of them to get a good look at them.

"Do you remember doing or sending any of them?" Luhan asks now. He seems to be a bit calmed down.

"No. And don't say it was Jongdae because it wasn't." Yixing adds. He hears noise again but he doesn't bother listening to whatever those two are doing. He's reading the messages the others sent and everyone has somewhat replied except for Junmyeon. "Junmyeon is mad, isn't he?" There's also a chance that he couldn't because he probably erased the app. They haven't used the group chat in a long long time.

"I think we all are." Luhan says but then let's out an Ow! as Minseok smacked him. "OK. We're not really mad. Just wondering where you are and if you're OK. Does your mom know you're missing?"

"I'm not missing. Look, I swear to you I'm OK, just starving. So I'm going to go meet Jongdae at his work and get something to eat there and talk to him, then talk to Junmyeon. When I'm done I'll see you guys later." They're both quiet again and Yixing is not sure if he can handle another quiet moment again. "Say something!"

"OK fine. If anything happens, let us know. We'll see you later." Minseok answers instead. Luhan is so against it aa he stays quiet but Yixing doesn't care.

"Later." Yixing says as he hangs up and runs across the street to get to the metro waiting area. He's feeling good.

-

When Yixing arrives to Jongdae's work he finds some girl at the front instead of him. She's the same girl from last time who was working hard to get the man's order out. She seems really nice and Yixing wonders if she's friends with Jongdae or are just coworkers. He stands in line to pretend that he's going to order, but really he's going to order for Jongdae, who seems to be nowhere in sight. There's people at the back working on whatever order they just got but no one seems to be Jongdae. There's no giant looking man being rude to the cashiers either so he knows that Jongdae is being good somewhere.

To be honest he doesn't know how will Jongdae react or what he'll say when he finds him there. He didn't put too much thought on it other than just tell Jongdae the truth. Then after talk to Junmyeon. The whole Junmyeon thing has him really confused. Junmyeon should be with Kris. Why the hell is he wondering about Yixing and his location and everything? If something did happen between Jongdae and Junmyeon, is Junmyeon angry because of that and is being nosy? Or he's jealous? He really wants to know what happened between them, that way he can fix everything. But just like him, his friends can be so stubborn. Maybe that's why they get along so well.

When it's his turn to order, the girl smiles at him and kindly asks him what he'll like. He frowns. "Umm actually, I'm looking for Jongdae. Is he here?" The girl looks confused for a second then let's out an ah!

"He's out at the back. Should I get him for you?"

"Oh no. Its fine. Can I go?"

"Yeah he's outside. If he is inside you can go in, just not all the way."

"OK. Thank you." Yixing nods his head a little then walks back out and towards the back. There's a small line of cars ordering from the drive thru who don't seem to give him their attention at all. He finds it better that way. There's a back door that's wide open but Jongdae is not there. He wants to look inside but he thinks it will be rude of him if he does, so he looks around. On the other side of the cars that are waiting for their orders in the drive thru line, there's a small grass area with some trees there that provide shade and sitting under it is Jongdae smoking with his legs bended and his arms resting on top of his knees. _How the hell is he always so pretty?"_ Yixing quickly runs over then slowly tip toes as Jongdae is not looking, who seems preoccupied with his phone. When Yixing yells out his name Jongdae yells out loud and drops his phone on the grass.

"Ahh! Yixing! You fuck! You scared me! What are you doing here?" Yixing sits beside him as he laughs along too. He reaches for Jongdae's phone to hand it over but it vibrates in his hand twice.

"Someone is popular."

"Shut up. No I'm not." He checks the message to see who it is then laughs. "Its Jongin. Apparently you're missing."

"You heard?"

"Yeah. Jongin just told me a couple of minutes ago. You're the popular one."

Yixing stretches his legs out then laughs out loud. "Nah. I'm just really really nice." Jongdae looks at Yixing then smiles. Its the first eye contact they make with each other since the motel and neither Jongdae or Yixing look away. They can't look away. They don't know what it is but neither of them _want_ to look away. There's a magnetic force between them that just brings the two closer and closer. And with the way Yixing keeps looking at Jongdae's lips and Jongdae is doing the same, Yixing doesn't hesitate to lean closer to finally meet him halfway, but when he feels Jongdae's hot breath hitting against his face then looks down and away, Yixing immediately moves away. They're quiet for a bit and Yixing decides to break the silent spell. "I kind of need to talk to you but I'm not sure if talking here is appropriate."

"Talk about what?"

He's nervous now. He looks down at the grass and starts to pull it. How should he tell him? How does he ask Jongdae to tell him something he feels is necessary to know? He then feels a hand going on his knee, Jongdae giving him a small smile. He's silently telling him that he can tell him anything. Jongdae keeps telling him that, but Jongdae himself won't take the advice for himself. Yixing is going to change that by being honest first. "I know about... your dad." Yixing gauges Jongdae's reaction after some silence, but he's just staring back at Yixing with a blank expression so he continues. "I know that he's dead and I know you really really care about your mom regardless of what you say. And I know you're really working to pay your dad's debt. I know, well not everything, but I know and I thought that I should be honest with you instead of hiding it. If I want you to be honest with me then I should start by being honest with you. And I think you should know that I know."

They're both quiet and Jongdae looks down at the grass with the same blank expression on. He's trying to hide behind some mask but Yixing doesn't want him to. He was just honest with Jongdae, Jongdae should be honest back by not hiding behind some blank expression. He reaches for his hand to lace their fingers together and give him comfort but Jongdae's arms are on top of his knees and dangling down in between, holding a cigarette and his phone. He then reacts, but only throws his cigarette away and shoves his phone back into his pocket. He turns to look at Yixing but he's chewing on the inside of his lip, he doesn't say anything so Yixing thinks that's his cue to say something, but what? He is looking at him back but the same magnetic force that was pulling them closer is long gone. Jongdae finally decides to talk.

"I gotta get back to work. Have you eaten anything? Go inside and order something. I'll pay for it." He says as he stands up and starts wiping his pants off. Yixing is confused. _What the hell just happened? He should be mad._ He shakes his head and as if everything is OK with them and Yixing never dropped a bomb on him, Jongdae laughs. "I'm serious. Its fine. I'll gladly pay for it."

"You..." _Why isn't Jongdae mad? He_ should _be mad. Or at least upset or whatever. But he's not. Why isn't Jongdae mad?_ Yixing shakes his head. He needs to shake things off and pretend that he's OK with whatever just happened too. "You already did so much for me. You don't have to do that."

"I really don't mind. I'll go with you if you want." Jongdae smiles and offers his hand for Yixing to take. He's so confused and maybe disappointed because he was expecting a very different reaction other than that, but maybe this reaction is a learning experience. Maybe Jongdae is much more stronger than he thought him to be. Or he's really good at keeping a poker face. Yixing tries to look into Jongdae's eyes but they're glimmering. Glimmering with happiness, and a smile to match with. He gives up. He can't read people at all while Jongdae is good at hiding. He claps his hand with Jongdae's who helps him up from the grass and smiles. Its not the same as Jongdae's but it's there, hiding his disappointment.

"OK I'll go." Jongdae's smile widens then laces his fingers together with Yixing's. He feels a squeeze coming from Jongdae but Yixing is going to ignore it. He's just going to interpret it the wrong way anyway. They both go back inside the fast food joint, Jongdae gladly taking in his order and goes to the back to help out in whatever. Yixing is left alone to wait and when the food is out, he's left alone to go back home. He doesn't bother inviting Jongdae to come over later. His disappointment will just grow if he stays any longer with him. He might even snap at him but he wants things to be good between them, he'll hold it back. Maybe staying quiet about the whole thing was a better bet.

-

"So you didn't talk to him?" Baekhyun asks as he sips on his cold coffee drink. Yixing nods then rips a piece of his napkin off to roll it into a small little ball and roughly throw it, only for it to land flatly in front of him. His friends are in his room hanging out, sitting around and drinking coffee drinks or some weird drink combinations they did in some local juice bar. Luhan and Minseok came over with Sehun and Tao, and Baekhyun and Chanyeol showed up minutes later. They asked Kris and Junmyeon to come over, along with Kyungsoo and Jongin but Kris is a no show and so is Junmyeon while Jongin and Kyungsoo said they'll show up later. Usually they all hang out in Junmyeon's or even Tao's place because their places are bigger but because Luhan and Minseok were looking for Yixing they ended up meeting at his. Since Yixing is also talking about Jongin's brother, he's kind of hoping for Jongin to be a no show too because he has a lot to say about Jongdae. Or more like he has a lot to say to Jongdae than talk about Jongdae.

"Nope. All he said was that he needed to get back to work."

"Damn. Thats cold." Chanyeol suddenly says, everyone's attention on him. They just stare at him but only Baekhyun is the one who reaches over for a pillow and throws it at him.

"We know it's 'cold'. That's why we didn't say anything."

"Oh. Sorry."

"It's fine." Yixing speaks up. He gathers the small little balls in his hand and crumples them all to form a bigger ball. Luhan and Minseok watch him while Baekhyun starts to make little balls as well with his napkin, only to hand them to Yixing. "I swear your answer would have been even better than what Jongdae told me."

"What did you even want to talk to him about? Maybe he was lying." Yixing looks up at Minseok. He wants to tell them but it's not his place for them to know at all. If Jongin himself doesn't know, then they shouldn't know either. It wouldn't be right. So Yixing lies.

"I wanted to know if there was a chance that maybe him and I could... go out." Minseok nods while Luhan is groaning and rubbing his forehead while Baekhyun and Chanyeol are quiet but Baekhyun nods a little too as if he agrees. He focuses on Luhan. He knows what he's going to say and he actually doesn't mind hearing it again. Maybe it will finally sink in.

"What did I tell you, Yixing? I knew you were going to get hurt. I just knew it. Maybe now you can stop and move on from Jong-"

"I'm not going to move on. What is there to move on to when nothing happened?" Yixing asks but no one provides an answer. He wouldn't know what to say if someone did anyway. "I genuinely like him. He's a good company and is growing into a dear friend. I'm not going to ruin that by 'moving on.' I made him a promise."

"What did you promise him?"

"That I'll stay with him. I only said it when he was meeting my mom but I meant it. I'll stay with him no matter what." He really means it too and he barely realizes that he should have made that promise out loud with Jongdae and not silently. He should tell him that when he sees him next time and maybe Jongdae will see that he means it and he'll finally open up. Thats all he wants from him.

"He met your mom?!" Luhan yells out. They all seem just as surprised as Luhan when Yixing looks around. He can't help but giggle a little.

"This Friday actually."

"What did she say?" Chanyeol asks. "Or what did he say?"

Yixing shrugs. "They didn't really say anything. He likes her and she likes him. She gave us condoms for the rave and he laughed out loud while she was serious. They got along great." They're all sitting there with their mouths slightly agape. They all been through the condoms thing with his mom, but from the things Yixing and Jongdae did and sent to all of them, they're all wondering if maybe the two used them on each other. It makes Yixing laugh out loud. Obviously they didn't. They wanted to, but something kept holding them back and he's glad that nothing did. It would suck so bad if they did it while under the influence.

"We didn't use them on each other, if that's what you're thinking. He's straight, remember?" Yixing says but he's lying to himself if he thinks that's true. Clearly there's some sort of feeling towards each other but neither Yixing or Jongdae acknowledge what it is. Or maybe they just really really like kissing each other and holding each other's hands.

"He's probably bisexual if he kissed you back throughout those videos." Chanyeol says then whines out loud as Baekhyun smacks him with another pillow. "Ow! What?"

"Nothing. Its just fun smacking you around. And he doesn't have to be bisexual to be kissing someone back. Maybe he's pansexual. Or likes kissing people back whenever they kiss him."

"That could be it." Minseok says, reaching for the pillow Baekhyun threw at Chanyeol, only to place it over himself and hug it against his chest. Yixing sits there quietly wondering what exactly Jongdae is. Jongdae was kissing Veronica but he also kissed Yixing. They all seem likely, but maybe really, Jongdae kisses those who kiss him first.

"Do you remember anything else?" Luhan asks. Yixing shakes his head. He remembers laying back on the bed, Jongdae by his side and playing with his hand. He remembers Jongdae's warmth, Jongdae's laughter, Jongdae touching him and kissing him, Jongdae whining, Jongdae complaining that he's hungry and hard and Yixing telling him that he feels the same way and they should do something about it and...

_"You're a great kid, Yixing, even though you're older than me, but your first time shouldn't be with a fuck up like me." Yixing kisses the side of Jongdae's palm that's cupping his face and looks into his eyes. He's giving him his best puppy eyes but Jongdae only laughs and wipes his thumb across Yixing's cheek. He then pecks him on the lips then moves to sit up._

_"But I like you and I want it to be you. I trust you."_

_"You'll hate it and hate me for doing it while we're high. You'll regret it."_

_"I won't regret you. I really really like you and… fuck do I want to be with you. So so badly. So badly. Please Jongdae?" Jongdae bites his lower lip as he thinks about it but there's nothing to think about. He may be hard, he may make stupid choices, he may be high as hell and wants to say yes to everything, but he knows that something deep down is telling him not to and he's going to follow his gut feeling. No matter how badly his body craves for another or is giving him signs that he should do it, he won't._

_"Tell you what. How about I just mark you instead? You can mark me back." Yixing pouts but he agrees anyway. Marking Jongdae would be fun and Jongdae marking him, would be a dream come true._

"I asked Jongdae to hook up with me and he said no."

"You asked him?"

"Or more like whined to him to do it." Yixing says very slowly. Luhan's reaction was expected but Chanyeol's outburst wasn't.

"He said no?!"

"He said no." Yixing repeats, taking off his glasses to wipe them. He hasn't been wearing them lately and no one seemed to notice, not even Jongdae. His friends are used to him changing from glasses to no glasses but with Jongdae, he met him when he had them on and while he has been hanging around with him he didn't have them on and Jongdae never noticed. He sighs quietly. Once again he's misinterpreting things between them.

"Why are you so surprised that he said no?" Minseok laughs. Chanyeol's reaction is so surprised, he can't help but find it funny.

"Its just so surprising that he said no. Wouldn't people normally say yes? If I was hard and whoever was willing, I'll do it. Are you sure he was really under the influence?"

"Who was under the influence? What influence?" Tao asks as he and Sehun walk into Yixing's room holding large mugs filled with ice cream. They have a bunch of different toppings on their ice creams, it's ridiculous.

"You guys were in the kitchen all this time making messes in cups?" Baekhyun points out. Sehun is giving Luhan and Minseok a taste while Tao just glares at Baekhyun.

"Yes. And now you don't get any. This is perfection."

"Whats in it?" Luhan says with a disgusted face on, Sehun laughs out loud.

"Its vanilla, coffee, cookies and creme ice cream with peanuts, sprinkles, chocolate and caramel and some chocolate chips."

"That sounds good but it tastes weird." Chanyeol comments after Sehun gave him a spoonful too. Yixing tries Tao's and just like everyone else, he makes a disgusted face too.

"Whats in yours?"

"The same, only I added mocha and rocky road ice cream and whipped cream."

"Oh and some frozen fruit and this white chocolate sauce thing you had in the freezer." Sehun adds after his spoonful. Tao eats a spoonful too and makes a satisfied face. They seem to enjoy it while the others are disgusted.

"There's no white chocolate thing in the freezer. That's fruit with yogurt and the nasty kind my mom buys."

"No wonder it's a bit sour." Luhan gags, reaching for his coffee drink.

"Thank God for my big mouth." Baekhyun comments as the others quickly reach for something to drink to get the odd taste off of their mouths. He can't help but laugh out loud at them.

-

As soon as Yixing's friends went home, with Kris, Kyungsoo, Jongin and Junmyeon a no show, Yixing went back to his room to watch some movie on Netflix. He turned off all the lights in the house and locked all the doors and closed himself in his room. He didn't do much today, but he's tired. He has to mentally and emotionally and maybe spiritually prepare himself for school tomorrow as tomorrow he has to work with Jongdae on the mural. He's still not ready to face him, even though he's missing him like crazy, when he shouldn't. Going through the Netflix lists of movies reminded him of the sleep over they had and how they were afraid because it was dark out and scary and some demon girl was going to kill them. He gets reminded of him and Jongdae laying in bed at the motel and holding each other's hands and comparing them and laughing and every once in a while rolling to the side to kiss the other on the lips. He remembers the dumb jokes and songs they would sing to out loud or even made up some of their own and Yixing kissing Jongdae hard on the lips and getting his hair pulled on because Yixing is marking him as his in a very sensitive spot, when really he's not his at all. And it feels so good and it sounds so good and Yixing wants more, he's capable to do more, handle so much more, but Jongdae doesn't want to because he's a screw up and Yixing shouldn't want a screw up. He should want someone like Junmyeon and-

_"That's fucking ridiculous. I want you Jongdae. And only you."_

"I guess you don't like me or want me the way I want you." Yixing says quietly into the room, wiping some tear he had no idea his eye produced. He sighs a little and gets up to go to the bathroom to get some tissues. He ends up using it too and when he's done and goes back to his room, he freezes a little as someone is getting into his room from the window, the person's body half inside and half outside.

"Jesus, Xing. Why is your window so small?"

"Jongdae?" He calls out. The person is finally inside the room and when he looks up and smiles after patting himself off, the smile brightening up the room, Yixing sees that it is in fact Jongdae. His stomach doing flips and whatnot at the sight of him. "Wha-? Why did you crawl in from my window?"

"Its not like you live in a two story house. Besides I saw a car in your driveway and all the lights are off so I figured that your mom would be home sleeping and to not wake her with the doorbell, I used your window. Did you think I was demon girl or something?" Jongdae laughs at the end, tapping Yixing's stomach with the back of his hand as he walks further in the room and sets his skateboard down. The same skateboard Jongdae lost the day they ran off together.

"You got your stuff back?"

Jongdae smiles, lifting the skateboard up a little. "Yea some of the guys who hang out there saw that my stuff was there and they brought it back at work today. They were going to bring it the day of the rave but they couldn't call me so they brought it today. How was your day by the way? Did you take the bus or metro home?" Jongdae asks but Yixing doesn't want to answer. He wants his questions answered instead. Or for Jongdae to explain why he pretended that he didn't know what the hell Yixing was talking about.

"There's no car in the driveway. My mom is not here."

"She's not? Then whose car is parked at the front of your house?"

"Probably the neighbors." Yixing says then stares at Jongdae who just stands there staring back at him. He's smiling at him but Yixing can't find it in himself to smile back. "Why are you here, Jongdae?" He crosses his arms across his chest, hoping that he didn't sound rude at all. He doesn't want to be rude with him, he's just disappointed and maybe a bit angry at him.

Jongdae sighs as he puts his board down and sits on the floor beside it. He's still wearing his backpack and hasn't closed the window. Yixing is not going to ask him to close it since Jongdae seems to be contemplating something, then he looks up at Yixing and seems upset. "How did you find out about Jongin's dad?"

"My mom, at the hospital." Yixing answers honestly. _Is he finally going to open up?_

Jongdae stays silent for a while and opens his mouth to speak up but nothing comes out. Until he makes the decision to just talk. "What I'm about to tell you and why I haven't told Jongin or my mom, please don't think of me differently or hate me. I'll also tell you about Junmyeon and what happened. But..."

Yixing kneels down to Jongdae's level to take a his hand in his. "Jongdae, I'm not going to hate you. No matter what."

"I need to know something too." Yixing nods. He'll tell him anything. "Do you like me?" He tightens his lips into a line to not say anything now. "At the motel, you said that you love me. Do you really?"

"Do you love me?" Yixing asks back. He's feeling a bit pathetic for changing the conversation on him but he wants to know too. "You said that you love me too or that you love me back. Do you really?"

Jongdae shakes his head. Yixing won't say that it doesn't hurt, because it does, but they were both high that night. Yixing would've told anyone he loves them. Even though he has really strong feelings for him. "I have no idea what the hell I feel for you. I like you a lot. I like being around you. I like you being my friend. I don't want you to hate me at all when I tell you everything. I know we were on drugs but I liked everything that happened between us. It felt good. It felt nice and I haven't felt that way in a long long time but I don't know if I love you or just see you as a friend."

Yixing grips his hand really tight. "You don't have to love me. If you like me, that's enough. Later on you'll figure out if you love me or not."

"That's the thing though. I shouldn't love anyone. I messed up, Yixing. I shouldn't love and no one should love me. I don't know how you can tell or told me that you loved me when you don't even know me. You don't know me that well at all but yet you told me that you love me. Do you really love me?"

Yixing stays quiet. He wants to say yes so badly, and his friends and maybe Jongdae will think that he's crazy for falling in love with him so early but he can't help it. He's just that type of person. He falls instantly in love with those who catches his eye, and when he learns about them, whether a lot or a little, good or bad, Yixing falls even more for them. That's why Luhan gets mad at him because at the end when it doesn't work out, Yixing becomes heart broken, but with Jongdae, he can't explain what it is. Its just natural, chemical, faith, destiny, whatever. What he feels for him is something deep within and he feels that Jongdae feels it too, but he's afraid. Jongdae shouldn't be afraid of love or those that love him. So he nods. Holding Jongdae's hand in his tight, and nods. He loves him. He doesn't care if it's too early. He loves him. And he doesn't care if Jongdae doesn't feel the same way back. If Jongdae is with him by his side, he'll be more than OK with that.

"You really really do?"

"Yes. I love you and I don't care if you do or don't. I like being with you. You're the first friend I feel like I can be myself with. I had feelings for you for a while when I liked Junmyeon but you immediately made those feelings I had for him go away and just turned those feelings focus on you. I don't know how you did it but I don't mind. I love you and I'm glad you know now. You really don't have to love me back Jongdae. You don't have to worry about me hating you or turning on you or anything. I won't ever do that to you. So you can tell me whatever it is you want to tell me and it won't change my perspective I have of you at all."

"You promise?" Yixing doesn't know how, but Jongdae just seemed like a lost child when he said that. A lost child with a fake exterior of a man. Tattoos on him and a slight scowl but all Yixing saw was a lost little boy in that second. He gives him a gentle smile as he sticks his pinky out and moves it towards Jongdae.

"Pinky promise. I'll stay with you no matter what you tell me."

"OK, because..." Jongdae hesistates. He's biting his lip, his hands slightly shaking a little. Yixing is sure his lip would be trembling if he wasn't biting on it. He's crying and Yixing never thought that he'll see the day that he'll see Jongdae cry. Jongdae immediately hooks his finger with Yixing's and looks up at him. "I killed Jongin's dad."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Originally saved as 6.2 because the original sucked. I couldn't figure out how to go with this but it ended up writing itself again so any spelling mistakes or anything, I apologize for. I've been sick the whole week but I hope it makes sense, it should make sense but any questions, let me know. ^^ Once again thank you for the hits and kudos and everything. It really means a lot. Have a fantastic rest of the week. ^^


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> First and foremost I apologize if the note is too long and speaking of long, I'm sorry this chapter is way too long. Close to 11k. I could have shorten it but I feel like it wouldn't make sense if I did, so I'm sorry about that. Second I must must MUST put a warning on this chapter and I'm going to be stern on this warning and chapter because it's dark. Compared to the other chapters, this is dark so here goes. WARNING: THIS CHAPTER HAS MENTIONS OF ABUSE, RAPE, CURSING, DRUG REFERENCES, SLIGHT HOMOPHOBIA, SOME SMUT, AND MINOR CHARACTER DEATH, AND I DO NOT RECOMMEND READING IF YOU'RE NOT INTO THAT AT ALL. It may not be too graphical or graphical at all but I rather keep it on the safe side because it can be triggering. I'm sorry if it's triggering for you, I'm sorry if you weren't expecting this at all and I'm sorry for putting story Jongdae through this. If I forget to put a warning on something please let me know to add it on here and for future reference. Seriously I apologize for making this so long but hopefully it's worth it and if I were to go through it I'll end up making horrible changes and possibly make it longer and that's just no. I seriously apologize for making this chapter dark and I should just end it here but I'm serious about the warning. Please DO NOT READ IF YOU'RE NOT INTO ANY OF THE TOPICS MENTIONED. Thank you if you read this all the way through. Enjoy your day or night. ^^

Yixing has never felt his blood run so cold than in that very moment. He felt something in him drop when his mom told him about Jongin's dad, but this confession... something definitely dropped, something was clogging up his throat, he's frozen solid in place, and he's staring at nothing but blank space. He's not afraid of Jongdae, he just doesn't know what to say or do to him. How does someone, anyone, react to what he just heard? What he just got told? Hearing someone you have an immense amount of feelings for telling you that he killed someone, how does one react or even say? Or maybe he heard wrong. That's it. He heard wrong. Jongdae didn't kill anyone. He never could. But the way Jongdae's tears keep flowing out and he's gripping tightly onto Yixing's hand and the way his whole body shakes, Yixing is slowly coming to the realization that he heard right. Jongdae is breaking into pieces right in front of him and all Yixing can do is just stay frozen solid in place. He needs to get Jongdae off of the ground and onto his bed where it's more comfortable but he can't pull away. He shouldn't pull away or Jongdae will take it as him breaking the promise.

But he can't keep watching Jongdae break, and whatever gut feeling he has in him right now, is the one that makes him want to get Jongdae on his bed.

"Jongdae, let's go sit on the bed where it's comfortable. Come." He says as he pulls Jongdae up, but he won't budge. In fact he sort of shakes Yixing off of him as he cries.

"No! I killed Jongin's dad. I'm the reason he's dead, Yixing. I don't deserve comfortable or anything. But I swear it wasn't my intention to do it. It just happened."

"I understand. But the window is open and my neighbors are kind of nosy and will get the wrong idea and possibly call the cops-"

"Good! Let them! I deserve whatever for what I did to him." Jongdae says out loud. He's the one who pulls away and gets up from the floor, only to face the window and stick his head out. "I killed Jong-"

"Jongdae! I'm serious. Come on the bed with me. Explain to me everything that happened and maybe... we'll see if the cops should take you away or not. Deal?" Jongdae looks at him then nods as he agrees and goes on the bed while Yixing closes the window and locks it. He should listen intently and hope that Jongdae didn't really kill Jongin's dad. If he hopes, it won't be true. But if he's being real, if Jongdae really did, Yixing wouldn't mind running off with him. He just needs to come up with a good excuse to tell his mom, if she'll let him or Jongdae run away in the first place. Whether he did it or not, he won't let Jongdae go anywhere or have anyone take him away.

_This is a mistake though. Jongdae never killed anyone and it's just a mistake. It wasn't him. It was someone else._

"Why don't you start from the beginning?" Yixing says as he sits in front of Jongdae and reaches for his hand. At first Jongdae pulls away but then looks down as he feels guilty, Yixing doesn't say anything so Jongdae leans forward and takes Yixing's hand in his. He still won't look at him though.

"From the beginning?"

"Yeah. If you want though, you don't have to."

Jongdae nods. He takes a second to take in some air then tightens his lips into a line. He doesn't know where to begin, but it's alright though, Yixing won't rush him. _Take your time, Jongdae. Take all the time you need._ Jongdae looks up, small slow tears streaking his face, and begins.

"My mother was very young when she had me. She was with a guy who was older than her by 5 years while she was still in high school and she thought that she was in love with him and he..." Jongdae pauses. Yixing just squeezes his hand, letting him know that he won't leave anywhere. He _won't_ go anywhere. "He wanted to but she didn't at first, she said no, but he convinced her to do it and my mother…" Jongdae grows quiet. Yixing understands. He doesn't want to further think about it, or hear the rest, or anything. He knows. "She… confused it as love and was forced to marry him."

"She married him?" Yixing asks. Jongdae nods, squeezing Yixing's hand as he explains.

"My grandfather's close friend had a son who happened to be my dad and when they both found out what happened, they forced the two to get married. She wanted an abortion but had no money to get it done secretly or anything and they said no so they forced the two."

"Wow." Yixing says quietly but when he realizes how wrong his comment sounded, he shakes his head and apologizes. "I mean... I don't mean it to sound like that-"

"Its fine."

"Its just..."

"I know. Its fine. I said the same thing when I found out. I'll just... continue."

"Yeah go ahead." Jongdae thinks about where he left off for a second. Or thinks about if he should continue or not. Either way, Yixing won't comment anymore.

"So they got married and everything was good for the first few months but because my mother didn't know what to do, my dad would leave and wouldn't come back after weeks or after he spent all the money. As I grew, my father left and never came back, leaving me and my mom on the street, so we moved in with her mom. My grandmother sort of took care of me. She was the best and for a while I considered her more as my actual mother than my real mother. My real mother was so beautiful but she hated me so much, I had no idea why. Whenever I tried to hug her or hold her hand or anything, she would either insult me or push me away or walk away or switch her hands so I wouldn't touch her. Whenever I would draw pictures for her, she would rip them right in front of my face. She hated me and I never knew why until I understood, it was because apparently I reminded her too much of my dad. I never met him and honestly I think I never would want to. I hate him so much and if she says I remind her of him then I… would hate myself too if I'm anything like him." Jongdae stops for a second as he looks down at his lap. Yixing wants to say so many things to him and just wants to hold him but he feels he'll disrupt Jongdae's moment of telling him everything and he doesn't want that. He may never finish telling the rest of his story if Yixing disrupts him. So he squeezes his hand to give him reassurance. Jongdae seems to prefer it than Yixing speaking up about what he just said.

"Anyway, my mom... I don't know what happened but she went 180 when my dad left. She smoked and drunk more. She started doing drugs and sometimes I would find her passed out in the house somewhere. My grandmother would be working sometimes and would leave me alone with my mother and in order for her not to deal with me, she would lock me in my room or my grandmother's and she would just go get high or 'work'." Jongdae pauses for a second then continues. "I think those were the best ones. The worst ones were finding her on the floor somewhere and I had to run out and just cry to the neighbors, hoping they got the idea and would find my mom and call the police for me to make sure she was ok. Some cop would put me on the backseat of his car to wait until my grandmother got home. It felt so… wrong. It felt like I was going to go to jail or get taken away and I hated that feeling. Funny how I became used to it later on in life and the very same cop would show up and just keep me entertained or arrest me later on. I saw him more as a dad than my real dad.

So anyway, that very same day my grandmother yelled at my mom, something about needing to take care of herself and me or there will be problems. She ended up running away and never came back until maybe 2 years later. I started school and I had a good time but no one would be friends with me. I honestly didn't really care for that because I heard that my mom was coming back so I became preoccupied with that than the kids at my class or whatever. I would count down the days, make every arts & crafts project for her, quickly learn how to write down my and her name, learn how to read to read her my favorite book. I was just excited. But when she showed up, she pushed me away and ignored me and told my grandmother that she found a new man. A man that made her happy and loved her. She seemed so happy, I guess I was kind of happy that she was happy. I didn't care if she pushed me away or not. She looked so young and beautiful again, I was happy."

Yixing smiles a little. He's getting reminded of his grandmother. He's happy about his grandmother and the way she raised him. How she was always there for him for whatever he needed because his mom was too busy working and going to school to give Yixing a better life. He's also smiling at the fact that his mother, although she wasn't there much, she never treated him like Jongdae's mother did. She supported him in everything and anything and never hurt him. He's a bit grateful, but he's also smiling that Jongdae at least had some happy days. He at least had a grandmother that took care of him when his mother wouldn't, just like Yixing. He's happy about that.

But he also finds it hard to imagine a tiny baby Jongdae being pushed away after he was so happy seeing his mom. Hard to imagine a tiny baby Jongdae calling the police and telling them that his mom is not waking up when his vocabulary was limited, or crying to his neighbors to help him because his mom might have overdosed, or a happy tiny baby Jongdae drawing pictures for his mom but only for his heart to get shredded into pieces as she would rip them in front of him, or a tiny baby Jongdae crying for his mom to hold him or hold his hand only for her to push him away or shove her arm up into her sleeve so she won't have to touch him. Its so hard but yet he feels his heart breaking as the man in front of him is just a fake exterior of the boy he really is. A little tiny baby Jongdae who just wants his mother's love but is covering himself in tattoos and leather jackets and slightly bad attitudes towards everyone he meets because he thinks he would appeal to his mother that way. He thinks he would get his mom's attention if he does all this and it's so heart breaking for Yixing, he just wants to hold him.

"So the man ended up being Jongin's father and for a while I was a bit hesitant around him because I wasn't sure what I felt about him. I kind of hated him because he took my mom away from me but I also kind of liked him because he made her happy and was actually kind of nice to me. We ended up moving out from my grandmother's and the year I turned 6 was the year my mom announced that she was having a baby. She was having Jongin and I was so happy because I was getting a brother and I was getting someone to play with and everything and I was excited. But apparently she already had him and was at his father's grandmother's place in the meantime until we settled in. He was two years younger than me but he was so cute and so innocent, I didn't care that she lied. She was apparently pregnant with Jongin when she ran away. We moved away and became a small little family. But once again as the years went by, Jongin's dad started showing his true colors. He went out a lot but he would at least come back. There was a case that he apparently cheated on my mom but no matter what he did, whether they were true or not, I believed him. So he always stuck around. Around middle school I found out about him doing drugs, around middle school is also the same time where I met Junmyeon." Yixing sits up at that.

"He was really nice and friendly and everyone liked him. I thought that he was good looking and wanted to be his friend but Junmyeon and I were both from different social groups, we would have never gotten along. One day though he talked to me. Out of nowhere too. He just came up to me and introduced himself and I never thought that it was odd that he did so. We hung around a lot. Apparently Jongin and Sehun were friends so he thought that we should be the same. The thing though, Jongin always got invited by Sehun to come over to his house to play, I never did. Junmyeon was ashamed of me or something. I didn't pay too much attention to it either though because no matter what the situation was, I wouldn't be comfortable in his place anyway. One day Junmyeon tells me that he wants to talk to me. That we need to talk in private and that it's important. So I agreed. We'll meet at the park. I go over and he's already there and he's quiet for a real long time. I thought that he was broken or something because he would not say anything at all until I decide to speak up, but that's his cue to speak up too. He told me that he has feelings for me but he's not sure what they are and if it is OK for him to kiss me."

Yixing tenses up a little. His speculation between them was right. _So they did go out._

"I was slightly confused at the time. I didn't understand why he wanted to kiss me. To be honest I wasn't aware of the whole gay and lesbian relationships. I didn't know that gay people and lesbians existed. I didn't know the whole bisexual pansexual dynamic or anything related to sexuality existed. I never saw it and no one ever told me about it. So I never paid too much attention to it. I told him no though because I wasn't sure of it and he said OK and I told him to still be my friend and he agreed. At the time I sort of became a drug dealer because Jongin's dad was using and so was my mom, sort of, and in order for Jongin not to find out, I would steal their drugs and try to get rid of them, but I didn't know how so I would sell them to dealers. Junmyeon was the only one who knew about it. I begged him not to tell anyone or Jongin and he agreed. One day someone found out about him being gay and in order for him not to be the talk or get bullied, he told everyone that my mother was a whore and that she was nothing but a 'good fuck'. He wasn't lying though, at some point in her life she did sleep around with some men. That's how she kind of met Jongin's dad. But that wasn't enough. He told everyone that I was a drug dealer and that I tried coming onto him. Jongin doesn't remember because technically Junmyeon and I kept our friendship hidden. No one knew of us being friends. When he got to high school and being gay became accepted, he came out.

I hated him so much. He threatened to tell Jongin and my mom about what I was doing. If I were to tell anyone the truth, he'll tell them. I was so afraid. At the time my mom was sort of tolerant towards me. She was sort of like my mom and I didn't want anyone to ruin it. Jongin is so innocent, the thought of him finding out about his older brother doing that killed me, and Junmyeon was going to ruin it. Jongin's dad was sort of gone at the time too so it was just us three and it was the best time ever. When he came back, my mom had enough and would just fight with Jongin's dad. I always took his side though. He was the first real parent who took care of me, I thought that if I sided with him, we'll get to keep him and then later on fix things with my mom, but it didn't work out. They would fight and yell and I would try to keep Jongin away from that and I don't know if he remembers or not but there was a point where we had to sleep in the streets because it got bad. Sometimes he would sleep over with his friends, but I slept in the streets because I didn't want to be home. Junmyeon knew but he never was that 'friend' that offered to help or anything. I honestly wouldn't have taken it. But my mom fighting with Jongin's dad, sobered her up a lot. She cleaned up a lot and it hurts a little that she only did it for Jongin. I wish she did it for me too but she at least did it." Jongdae grows quiet once again. He stopped crying a while ago but now he's beginning to cry again. Yixing leans forward and wipes the tears away as Jongdae sniffles. His voice sounds cracked as he begins.

"One day when I had to sleep outside, I met my friends. Veronica as well. A lot of them were older than me but they offered help and I took it because I was desperate. The problem with being around people older than you, you want to fit in, and everything they did I would say that I did it too. Veronica is the same age as me, but she was cool enough to say no while I wasn't. I desperately wanted friends who understood me and would be there for me whenever shit happened at home. I even had sex with some of the older girls, I was so inexperienced but I thought that anything was better than nothing. I couldn't go with my grandmother because she lived far and my mom lied to her, so my grandmother didn't want anything to do with me. She told her that I was rebelling and going out late at night and possibly doing drugs and whatnot. So I would stay with my older friends whenever my mom and Jongin's dad would fight. I also did some drugs with them but I never got hooked. I kept thinking about Jongin and him finding out and I just couldn't get hooked. He knows I've smoked weed and would drink and maybe do small drugs but he doesn't know that I tried bigger drugs. It will hurt so much if he did find out so I threatened Junmyeon one day that if he ever told Jongin, that there will be consequences. There were never consequences, I just liked threatening him." Jongdae shakes his head at that part. "He threatened back too and our friendship or relationship or whatever we had developed like that. Kris was the only one who found out and promised that Junmyeon will never tell but I needed to keep away from Junmyeon or there was a chance that Jongin would find out like that. I took his word."

"Anyway, my mom had enough and kicked him out and divorced him, even though they were never officially married. She said that I had to go with him because I'm 'an ungrateful and good for nothing punk ass kid that is never going to get anywhere in life. And a screw up should stay with a screw up.' I hated my mother so much that day. 'How could she do that to her first born?' I would say and think that and I just became angry, I definitely started acting out more. I remember the first day I got arrested, I called her. She wouldn't bail me out but I liked calling her and telling her that her screw up of a son is in jail and that it's her fault for raising him that way.

At first it was vandalism then it grew and grew into something more and the only person who would bail me out was either Veronica, my other friends, or Jongin's dad but Jongin's dad started drinking more and more and I didn't know about it until Jongin told me. He told me so many things on why I shouldn't hate mom or be angry at her or the world for a mistake she did, I shouldn't hate his friends, or you guys I should say, because they're all nice to him and take good care of him and he's sure that you guys will do the same for me too if I just give you guys a chance, and I should 'please watch over my dad. He's not well lately.' Any request Jongin gave me I will do except being friends with you guys. Kyungsoo is OK and maybe Tao but I couldn't be friends with the rest of you. Especially with Junmyeon around." Jongdae stops once again and pulls his hand away from Yixing's. Yixing doesn't go after it. He sits still and watches him.

"I just couldn't. I didn't deserve any of it or any of you, whether you were nice to me or not. I've done things and seen things... you guys were going to think really bad of me if you were to find out. People judged me anyway, even though they never met me. I was also afraid that you guys will use Jongin or make fun of him or something, so I would tell him not to get near me during school and to lie about his older brother and who he really is, and to definitely not tell me anything about mom. I didn't want to hear it. Being separated from each other, I thought it would be good but, I just missed him."

Jongdae looks up at Yixing, tears still slowly streaming down his face. "He told me about you. I liked you but I didn't want to be friends with you or get to know you or anything. In a way I thought you were just putting on an act. Now I know you're not and that you're actually really good." Yixing can't help but smile a little but when Jongdae looks away from him again, he frowns. They're both quiet for a moment. Jongdae's hand still at his side, Yixing reaches for it and entwines his fingers with Jongdae's. He gives his hand a squeeze then gives Jongdae a small smile when he looks up, wiping his tears away. They're quiet for a long moment, Yixing shifting his body on his bed to sit beside him, still holding his hand but also giving Jongdae the chance to rest his head on his shoulder. When he does so, Jongdae continues.

"Jongin's dad would drink and would not go to work, then he got involved with bad men. One day he was out and those bad men came over and beat me." Yixing tenses a bit. "I blamed it on a small fight with my friends when Jongin asked. The second time, they told me the debt would grow, one of them cut me and left me there to bleed. It wasn't that bad. I just felt numb. That's when I got my first tattoo, to cover the scar." Jongdae subconsciously touches his rib. His first tattoo was his rib one. He also said that he was numb and didn't feel it. _How long have you been numb, Jongdae?_ Yixing doesn't dare ask that out loud. His stomach is starting to hurt right now. Jongdae has been through so much and Yixing is starting to blame himself for not being there for him at all. He also wants to cry too but he's biting the inside of his lip to keep strong for Jongdae.

"I got a job, but not just to pay the debt. I needed money for clothes and shoes and Jongin's dance classes and an allowance for Jongin to go to college, and going to concert shows are expensive as hell so I needed money. Not to mention to pay the rent. So I got the job and gave them some money to pay for the debt but they keep insisting for me to give them more. It just sort of became a cat and mouse game with them. If I see them, any of them, I just run and they chase after me. Its kind of fun sometimes but they can be scary. They carry guns and daggers or pocket knives, or whatever they're called, on them and won't hesitate to use them on me. So I just run. If I run they can't take my money. If I get caught, they take everything and raise it up some more. Jongin's dad didn't care what happened to me when I tried to tell him. In fact I think something snapped in him. He beat me. For the first time too. He beat me and I just took it. I couldn't fight back or defend myself or anything. I just took it."

Jongdae abruptly stops and stares at nothing. He's gone somewhere else and it worries Yixing. Does he let him continue or stop him?

"He was laughing, agreeing with my mother that I'm worthless and good for nothing. I just fuck everything up." Suddenly Jongdae's voice changes. _"Its your fault your mother kicked me out! Why the hell do you have to mess every fucking thing up, huh? I hate you so fucking much! You're the reason why I can't see Jongin anymore! Jongin is and will always be the better son in your mother's eyes. No fucking wonder she hates you!"_ Jongdae's voice suddenly gets darker, a bit more desperate for something. _Why did you have to kick me out? Why?! I love you! I only love you and together with Jongin we could've had everything! Why did you do it?!"_ Jongdae's voice changed again, giving Yixing an eerie feeling. He should stop him. Jongdae is going to a dark place, but how does he stop him?

"He slapped me and punched me and kicked me and insulted me and laughed at me and I took it. He would say that I reminded him of my mother, which is stupid really. If he really loved her and I reminded him of her, why would he hit me? He said I wasn't a man at all for not fighting back. How can I when he was my dad? He's Jongin's real dad, _but you were my dad too!!_ " He yells the last part out. He ends up slamming his free hand, now turned into a fist, down onto the mattress. Out of everything Jongdae has told him, Yixing sees that this is the one that hurt him most. This is the one that affected him so much, he never found a way or found anyone to help him cope with it.

Jongdae is crying harder than ever, his whole body shaking, his body getting colder, Yixing's hand getting squeezed so hard in pain, he can't pull away. Jongdae is losing it. So Yixing does what his heart tells him is the right thing to do. He wraps his arm around Jongdae and just hugs him tight against him. He sort of tenses up but when he becomes aware of what Yixing is doing, he just cries, burying his face against Yixing's chest and wraps his arms around him, holding him so tight that he's afraid that Yixing will disappear if he even loosens his arms a bit. Yixing can't help but cry too now, running his hands down Jongdae's back and placing a hand behind his head to craddle it. He can't help but whisper against Jongdae's ear. "You're safe with me, Jongdae. No one will ever hurt you ever again." Jongdae just cries and cries and Yixing just soothes and soothes. "You're so brave." He whispers. Jongdae just cries. "So so brave." He adds and presses a kiss on the top of Jongdae's head. Whenever he feels his shirt get grasped tightly, Yixing just holds him tighter.

"I killed him, Yixing. I didn't mean to. Please don't hate me. I really didn't mean to."

"I don't and won't hate you, Jongdae. You've been through so much. You don't have to tell me what happened to your dad."

"Yes I do." Jongdae pulls away, moves away actually to sit on the edge of the bed and look down at his lap. "I have to tell you. Can I please tell you?" He asks, turning around to look at Yixing. He's sitting on his ankles, and blinking at him. He doesn't need to ask for permission at all but he wipes his eyes and nods. Jongdae looks back down at his lap, his hands now on top of them. He looks much smaller like this, Yixing wants to drape himself over him and always protect him but Jongdae wants space right now. He's going to give it to him.

"Jongin's dad went missing for a week and I had no idea where he went. I wasn't home at the time either. I was too busy working or spending time with friends and Veronica. The one day I go home it's the one day he comes back. He's drunk as hell and determined to beat me. Veronica may be a shitty person at times but she was the one that told me that I should take the beating into something positive? I could handle it at the punk shows and if I could handle it there then I could handle it at home. At first I thought that she's crazy, but she's had a similar lifestyle like my mom. She has nowhere to run or go to and has no money whatsoever. She takes her verbal abuse in and holds it in for when the day comes for her to leave, or she turns into a legal adult, she'll leave. And she'll never look back. She'll never come back either. I thought I should do the same so I was determined to take it in but when I remembered that Jongin was supposed to meet up with him, I stood up to him. I told him that he's a shitty father for leaving Jongin hanging and for not giving Jongin what he needed. I told him to get a job and get his life right and blah blah blah." Jongdae stops to roll his eyes at himself.

"He just stood there and left. I don't know where and I didn't care. He..." Jongdae grows quiet. Yixing gets closer to grab his hand only to place it over his lap. He covers Jongdae's hand by placing his other on top of it and just holds it, rubbing his fingers across his knuckles to warm it up. They feel cold, he will never figure out how Jongdae turned cold the moment he started to tell his story. Maybe it's something he needs to do to finally feel warm again. For years he has been holding in pain and neglect and now that he's letting it all out, his body is letting all of the cold out for he can be ready to accept all of the warmth he can get. Yixing can't wait for that. But Jongdae is crying again, so Yixing rubs his back. _It will all be OK, Jongdae. I promise you._

"His drinking buddies came over the next day. Apparently he drunk so much, he died of alcohol poisoning." Yixing's eyes go wide at the confession. _Alcohol poisoning. Jongin's father died of alcohol poisoning. Jongdae didn't kill him. I knew that he didn't! But why do I feel so crappy about that?_ "I'm the reason he went out to drink! I'm the one who kicked him out and yelled at him! I'm the reason he's dead." _He thinks it's his fault that Jongin's father died. He blames himself. He's breaking into pieces because he thinks he's the one who killed him when it wasn't even him at all._

"Its not your fault, Jongdae."

"Yes it is!" He yells out and stands up from the bed. "It always is. And when you told me that you knew, and when I played it off that I didn't hear you and you looked so hurt… I wasn't trying to hurt you. I was just afraid that if you got hurt by me pretending that I didn't hear you, then I wondered how you would get if I told you everything. And it's totally up to you to decide what you want from me or don't, but the day of the rave, when we kissed in the motel room, I was really hoping that you were the one kissing me and not the drug. And I was hoping that you wouldn't hate me after when I would tell you everything, but... I don't deserve any of it. I don't deserve you, or Jongin who is a freaking miracle. He could've been dead or something but he was born alive and really well and I don't deserve him as a brother. I don't deserve any of his friends, especially when I hurt some of them, I don't deserve meeting your mom at all who was really nice to me and I would wondered if she's stressed or not or having a good day, and I don't deserve you Yixing. Especially you. I shouldn't have accepted you into my life at all but..."

"But what, Jongdae?" Yixing asks as he sits up, now on his knees and opening his hands wide to place them onto Jongdae's face to cup him and wipe his tears away, but Jongdae steps back.

"I don't want to let you go. I don't want you to hate me. I don't know how you do it but you just bring out the good in people. I seriously stopped smoking because of you when Jongin tried to do so for a real long time. I smoked today but when you came over I threw the cigarette away and I didn't smoke after. I haven't talked to any of my friends or Veronica because they're the ones who just bring negativity in my life. I... don't know how the hell you can say you love me when you don't even know me. I don't want to leave or let you go, but it's the right thing to do. You shouldn't be around people like me or me at all. I'll just end up dragging you down my 10 foot hole of fucked up shit when you don't deserve that. You deserve light and good and everything that comes with it. I appreciate you being my real friend, its something I always wanted, but if I want to be a good friend to you, I have to let you go."

Yixing is still. He doesn't know what to do. Jongdae is leaving him. Jongdae is leaving before it even started and something inside of Yixing is breaking into pieces. He can't let him go. He has to say something to get Jongdae to stay but he looks so determined to leave. He can't decide what's good for Yixing or not. He can't decide that he needs to leave in order for Yixing to have the best. He hasn't even left yet but Yixing is already breaking. He can't allow Jongdae to make that decision for him. He has let people decide what's good for him for so long, he's putting a stop to it and he will begin with Jongdae.

"You can't just decide that the best for me would be for you to go and leave me. You just can't, Jongdae. You're already part of my life, whether you like it or not. You haven't even left yet, and already I'm feeling something in me break into pieces. You don't get to decide. I do and I decide to stay with you. I don't care what you did or what you would do, I choose you and will always choose you. Please don't be like my other friends and decide for me. Let me experience this or get my heart broken or feel an immense amount of protection or love for you. You make things seem real. You make me feel that things are real. So please don't leave me."

Jongdae looks down at the floor. Jongdae loves him but he's afraid to accept it and admit it. Yixing stands up and stands in front of him. He's trying to look into his eyes but Jongdae's gaze is down. He's crying and so is Yixing and when he puts his fingers underneath Jongdae's chin and tilts his head up, he looks into his eyes. He looks angry but so so broken. He wants to fix him, he wants to protect him, and take care of him, and love him the way he deserves. He has to admit his feelings first and accept that he's capable of love.

"Say you love me." Yixing whispers. Jongdae widens his eyes then shakes his head. "I know you do. I won't force you but you need to know that the second you admit to yourself that you're capable of love, that you deserve all the love in the world, it will be the second you would start receiving it. You already do, but you need to know that. You weren't made to get hated on, I'm sorry your mother won't or doesn't see that. She's been through so much, she needs to see it like that too, but you're already loved so much by Jongin. Do it for him. Everything you've done so far is for him but you also need to accept that others are capable to love you. In the meantime, I hope you know that Jongin is not the only one who feels strongly about you. I do too and so does my mother, even if it was one meeting, and believe it or not, she was the one who wanted you to sleep over. She was worried about you. That shows she cares. I'm sure your mother loves you too, but she needs to accept that she's able to love too, she probably feels the same way as you. When she accepts that, she'll treat you differently. She'll love you like she loves Jongin."

Jongdae is quiet. Yixing wipes his tear away. He cups his face and wipes his tears and pulls him into a hug. Jongdae doesn't hug him at first but when he gets the courage to hug Yixing back, he whispers against his chest.

"I'm scared."

"Its OK to be scared. You don't have to do it alone."

"I don't want you to be buried in with me."

"Maybe I should, to help you dig your way out, or help you light the way, or hold your hand." Yixing pulls away but only to reach for Jongdae's hand and lace their fingers together. He gives him a small smile when he looks up and can't help but press a kiss right on his forehead. Jongdae closes his eyes and takes in a big long breath. Jongdae is starting to feel a bit warmer now. "So Jongin's dad died of alcohol poisoning. Where are you living, Jongdae? Please don't tell me that you're living in the streets."

He shakes his head and looks up. "I told his drinking buddies, or begged them to not say anything about me or Jongin to the cops. To not call my mom at all and to tell them that he lived alone. I'm the only one living in the apartment and paying the rent so I'm not in the streets, don't worry."

"Why haven't you told Jongin though? He needs to know that his father is dead."

Jongdae lightly pushes Yixing away, only to slide down the door and press his back against it while he sits on the floor. He's wiping his tears away, and sniffling. Yixing takes the opportunity to grab some tissues from the bathroom and clean his glasses as well. They're covered in small dots of dried tears and some wet ones. He hands some to Jongdae, who takes it and thanks him quietly.

"I wanted to tell him the day I found out, but… I don't know. I couldn't find it in me to tell him. I don't know how to tell him. I don't want him finding out that the person who has been paying for his stuff was me all along. There was also a part of me that wanted to keep this from my mom to make her suffer. What kind of fuck up does that? I shouldn't be thinking that way at all but I did, so I kept it from them. I also don't want either of them to know about his trouble with those bad men. They don't need to deal with them."

"You don't need to deal with them either."

Jongdae looks up and looks straight at him. "Of course I do. If I think messed up things to make my mother suffer or Jongin's friends, but more specifically Junmyeon to suffer, I need to deal with them."

Yixing sits on the floor beside him and takes his hand. "You're punishing yourself on something you shouldn't be punishing yourself for. Its normal for you to feel that you want to make those who hurt you suffer, but you and I both know that you're not really like that. You're thinking about your mother and Jongin by not telling them about those men and with Junmyeon, you're staying away from him."

"After I already hurt him." Jongdae adds. Yixing only looks at him. _What did you do?_ "I was acting homophobic around him and saying mean things to him. I'm pretty sure I hurt him. That's why he hates me so much. How can I be homophobic with him when girls weren't enough? Yeah I slept with some of them but there will be times when I wanted to be with a guy. I had a crush on a guy, well he was born a girl first then began the change to turn into a guy, and God I liked him a lot. I'm messed up for pretending to hate him for being gay when I'm probably just as gay as him." Yixing just taps Jongdae's hand with his free one then looks at him as Jongdae turns to look at him. "Once again I don't know how you can say you love me when I'm a horrible person."

"Love is weird like that. You may see yourself as a horrible person, but all I see is someone who is misunderstood and just wants love. All the love in the world too. I see a good person who is only doing things to protect the ones he loves. You're not horrible, Jongdae. You don't have to be Ok or accept everything that happened to you, but you do have to realize that even those that were abused and neglected will love and be loved the most in the long run. And I don't know how, but I'll make you see that. Mark my words." Jongdae chuckles a little at the end of the statement and squeezes Yixing's hand. His eyes may be red from all the crying, but he's still beautiful. "You liked a transexual?" Jongdae nods. "See? That just shows that you didn't care what the person's gender was, you liked him for him. That to me shows that you're an open minded person who likes whoever for them and not for their gender or whatever. Not a lot of people are capable of that."

"Its still not enough."

"Then always do the right thing and later on you'll see nothing but good." Jongdae tightens his lips into a line then looks at Yixing. He's doing the same thing but then smiles. Jongdae can't help but poke his dimple, while Yixing can't help but poke Jongdae's cheek bone. "What are we?"

"I don't know. But I guess you're stuck with me helping me dig my way out."

"I don't mind." Yixing says, lowering his head onto Jongdae's shoulder. Jongdae lowers his head against Yixing's too and lets out a long sigh. There's quiet once again, but it's a comfortable, comforting silence. "Did you ever love Junmyeon?"

"No. I saw him as a friend but when I saw that he wasn't really interested in me and that he was ashamed of being my friend, it changed. Do you… you know? Still... like him?" Jongdae hesitantly asks, Yixing can't help but laugh.

"No. I like someone else."

"Good."

Yixing laughs out loud. "What makes you so sure that it's you? I may like someone else."

Jongdae laughs too and shifts to look at Yixing. "You said you loved me and really meant it. You can't lie to me."

"You're right. I can't. You suck."

"You suck too. What kind of person likes a messed up person? A sucky one that's who."

Yixing just laughs and Jongdae laughs after. They grow quiet suddenly, Yixing staring at Jongdae and Jongdae staring back. The same magnetic pull they felt later that day is back and Yixing is leaning forward, Jongdae doing the same. Yixing is the one who places his hand over his face and leans forward to just do it. His lips presses softly against Jongdae's, who just grabs onto Yixing's shirt and pulls him closer. The kiss gets harder and harder and Jongdae whines. Yixing decides that he likes the sound of it. He sits up to sit in front of Jongdae to kiss him more and more but Jongdae pulls away.

"We shouldn't."

"Yeah. You're right. Sorry." Yixing says breathless. He presses his lips into a line but Jongdae's lips looking red and kiss swollen, he wants to kiss him again and again and show him love. Kiss love in all crooks and inches of his body. Touch him lovingly and hold him. Jongdae glances up at him then licks his lips.

"I want to but we shouldn't." Yixing nods. He understands. "But... I can't deny that I want to kiss you so fucking badly." Yixing smirks and leans forward to kiss him again. Jongdae's fingers bury into Yixing's hair, who groans a little as Jongdae pulls on it, while he wraps his arms around Jongdae and just squeezes him and pulls him right against him. They're moving in synch with each other and holding onto one another and it feels so so hot, Yixing wants to move away from the floor and move onto the bed to explore some more.

"Jongdae, can we get on the bed?" Jongdae tenses up a bit. _He's afraid._ "I won't push you to do more than you don't want to do. We can stop if you want. We can just lay there." Jongdae looks up at the bed then at the spot he's sitting on. He nods slowly, and with a small encouraging smile, Yixing stands up and pulls him up with him. He encourages Jongdae to get on the bed first and he'll follow after. Jongdae actually wants Yixing to get on first, and when he lays down on his bed, Jongdae climbs in after him. He shifts onto his side to face Yixing who lifts himself up with his elbow and watches him. He smiles at him, giving him a gentle smile that he won't do anything just yet but he is going to run his finger down his jaw and trace it. It makes Jongdae giggle which makes Yixing smile too. "Does it tickle or what?"

"Yeah. A little."

"Good." Is all he says before a long silence falls between them. Yixing can't help but lean down and kiss him, Jongdae wrapping his arm around him, running his fingers through his hair as he kisses back. Yixing won't deny it. He wants more and wants to do more but he doesn't want to push Jongdae. So he stops and pulls back.

"What's wrong?"

"I don't want to push you. And you don't have to do it for me. We should stop." Jongdae nods, moving to sit up. He licks his lips then bites it.

"Screw it. Lets just do it." He suddenly says as he pushes Yixing down and straddles him to kiss him. Yixing smiles at the bold moment and kisses Jongdae back, who is kissing underneath his chin then kissing right on his neck. Yixing can't help but put his hands around Jongdae's waist and just press him down against him. He's growing hotter and hotter the second. His hands are searching, he doesn't know what but they're searching to touch some more. He ends up putting his hands against Jongdae's bare skin and create markings as Jongdae keeps kissing him passionately. Jongdae grinds a little and Yixing moans. He's growing hard and hotter and just wants to get rid of Jongdae's shirt and flip him onto his back and kiss him all over. But Jongdae is good at making him grow weak. He keeps biting his lip to keep from groaning or moaning out loud as Jongdae kisses his neck, or sucks on a sensitive spot, or just bites him. He wants to do the same thing back but Jongdae is the one keeping control right now. He doesn't mind. He feels really really good.

"Let me take off my shirt. Its too hot now." Yixing sits up, trying to remove his shirt but Jongdae pushes him back and grabs the hem of it.

"I'll do it." He rolls the shirt all the way to the top, bunching it up underneath Yixing's chin, and skims his fingers all over his torso. Yixing giggles and squirms as it tickles, but when Jongdae stops and stares and soflty runs the pads of his fingers across Yixing's abs, he watches how Yixing relaxes under him. Yixing closes his eyes and focuses on Jongdae's fingers. Its setting him on fire and he wants more but when he tightens his abs, Jongdae laughs and can't help but lightly smack his palm against it. "You jerk."

"What? I'm not doing anything." He says with a laughing tone as he does it again. Jongdae just rolls his eyes and leans down to kiss. It goes on like that for a while. Jongdae kissing him all over and when Yixing tries to turn it on Jongdae, Jongdae distracts him with something else. He finally has enough and sits up, cupping Jongdae's face in his hands. "Can you please allow me to do the same to you? I won't hurt you, Jongdae. I will never hurt you. I just want you to feel the way you make me feel. Please? The second you say no, I'll stop. I promise." He wants Jongdae to know that he means it too, so he keeps eye contact with him, even with Jongdae looking away from him, Yixing's eyes are on him and him only. He sees the slight hesitation in his eyes. He's afraid. "Don't be afraid. I'll be here."

"OK." Jongdae nods. "OK you can do it." Yixing smiles a little but he feels a small kiss is best, so he leans forward and presses a hand on his cheek and pecks him on the lips. Jongdae hesitantly lays back and watches Yixing pull his shirt off. He straddles him then leans down to kiss him right on the lips. Jongdae wraps his arm around Yixing, who starts off slow then builds it up more and more. He can't help but bite his lower lip and tug it a little. He can't help but make Jongdae tilt his head to the side to kiss his neck tattoo and kiss his Adam's apple then kiss behind his ear. He likes making Jongdae melt and the small little sighs he let's out as he feels really good, makes Yixing melt as well.

He can't help but put his hand over his chest underneath his shirt and just create patterns on him. He can't help but pull his shirt off and start kissing down his neck again and towards his collarbones close to the chest tattoo. He watches Jongdae close his eyes and bite his lower lip, and with a small laugh, Yixing rubs his thumb down it to remove his lip away from his teeth. He continues his trail on kissing every inch and crook. When he gets to his chest, Jongdae whines. He's not sure if it's a good whine or a bad whine so he continues. "Yixing." Jongdae lets out. The tone traveling all over Yixing's body, raising goosebumps everywhere. He sounds so breathy and moany, Yixing continues as he wants to hear it again and again. He's pressing small slow kisses on his pecs when he moves down to kiss where Jongdae's rib tattoo is at, he stops. Its also where Jongdae has his scar.

"I'm going to kiss over it. Is that OK?" He looks deep into Jongdae's eyes, who bites his lip and shakes his head no. "Its ok. I understand. I just wanted to make sure." Jongdae nods then holds his breath as Yixing kisses away from his rib but starts kissing towards the other side. Yixing takes notice so he quickly kisses back to his mouth and places a hand onto his abdomen. "Please breathe, Jongdae. I don't want you passing out on me."

"I'm sorry. I'm not used to getting kissed like that from others."

"Like I said, we can stop. But I'm only doing it to show that even you deserve to feel like that and get kissed all over like that, but if you're uncomfortable we can stop."

Jongdae shakes his head at him. "No. I can do this. Just... just go." Yixing watched him gulp something down. Fear? Worry? Nervousness? Whatever it was, it makes Jongdae curl his fingers behind Yixing's neck and pull him close to kiss him right on the lips. They slowly kiss and slowly Yixing moves away from his lips to his neck once again. He kind of likes kissing the middle of his neck tattoo. Jongdae just giggles and squirms a little, Yixing feels the heat of Jongdae's fingers travel down his torso and ignite a small fire. He makes him feel good just by touching, Yixing wants to set him on fire too, but a very low small fire as Jongdae is afraid, so he kisses down his chest and towards his stomach. He watches Jongdae's skin dot up from goose bumps and he smiles. He's now breathing down his stomach to reach his abs, watching him suck his stomach in from the feeling he was getting. When he kisses the top of his abdomen, he tightens it just like Yixing did when Jongdae touched him there.

"Don't be nervous. Tell me stop if you can't handle it."

"Uh huh." Yixing smiles at the response and goes back up to peck his lips. He hesitates for a second then presses a small sensual kiss right in the middle of his abs. Jongdae let's go, he's no longer tightening his abs so Yixing continues. Jongdae seems to like it too as his hand suddenly hooks onto the waistband of his jeans and closes his eyes. Yixing goes lower and lower, reaching the top of the waistband of Jongdae's pants and stops. He starts kissing towards the side then goes up a bit, nipping a bit of his side where Jongdae squirms and laughs.

"You're ticklish, aren't you?"

"A little bit."

"I knew it." He nips again and when Jongdae squirms once again, he laughs. He goes back up to his lips again, Jongdae grabbing a handful of his hair and tugs, but only to kiss him better, Yixing pulls away and smiles. Its not rough and fast, it's slow and sensual and he hopes Jongdae feels loved, and he'll continue it until he finally does. He kisses his nose and his forehead, then shifts himself so he can get a bit more comfortable on top of him and press his forehead to his. Jongdae is smiling and closing his eyes and when Yixing pokes his cheek bone to get him to open his eyes and look right at him, he smiles back. "You're so beautiful, Kim Jongdae. I hope you know that."

"Prove it, Zhang." Jongdae says quietly back, then starts laughing as Yixing starts tickling his side.

"Should I show you a mirror? Do you not own a mirror?" He jokes, Jongdae laughs and shakes his head.

"That's not what I meant."

"I know what you meant. You know I can't lie to you, so you're going to have to take my word for it."

"Fine. I'll believe you." Jongdae lowers Yixing down and starts kissing him. Yixing kisses back, starting his mission on kissing every inch and crook of Jongdae's body until he realizes that he's very loved. Jongdae grows hard and so does Yixing after a while of touching and kissing but that's not an invitation for him to take his pants off, so he asks and Jongdae complies but only if Yixing takes his off too. He's somehow more nervous as soon as their pants are off. Yixing sees that and he kind of feels the same way too. The day of the rave they had the drug in them to make them more bold, now it's more intimate because they're now sober and very aware of what they want but don't know how to get there. Yixing is hesitating because he doesn't want to push Jongdae. He distracts him with kissing him again while his hand goes straight to his bulge and rubs. Jongdae gasps and Yixing stops. He should have warned him but Jongdae doesn't let him. He wants Yixing to keep kissing him so he keeps him down, gasping and moaning right against his ear and driving him to keep doing it.

Yixing takes everything in. The gasping and moaning and the way Jongdae tugs and grabs a handful of his hair. The way his cock twitches against his palm whenever he kisses a really sensitive spot or rubs him. He's not even thinking about his erection at all. He wants Jongdae happy, he wants Jongdae to feel loved, he wants to kiss down his chest and press a kiss over his heart. He wants him to have an orgasm for the very first time that was due to love and not because he was lonely or empty and needed some sort of escape. He's not even thinking about penetrating him at all or anything. He wants Jongdae to tell him what _he wants_ so Yixing can grant him what he wants for once.

"Jongdae, what should I do next? You can tell me. I'll do it." Jongdae hesitates, chews on his lip then gulps.

"Just suck or jerk me off. I don't think I'm ready for the other stuff." It makes Yixing smile and press a long hard kiss on Jongdae's mouth.

"You're so so cute. Don't worry. I wasn't thinking about doing that to you at all. I'm not that ready for that either." He cups his face then gives him a gentle smile. "Just say stop anytime, and I'll do it." Jongdae nods. He's tightening his lips into a line again. Something is on his mind. "What is it?"

"Can you not take my boxers off? I'll feel comfortable with them on."

"Sure. Do I keep mine on?" He asks. Jongdae shrugs. Its a cute shrug but he really doesn't know what he wants so Yixing helps. "I'll keep them on so you won't be weirded out. Is that fine?" Jongdae nods again, making Yixing laugh. "OK." He says then presses a small kiss on Jongdae's lips. "Here goes." He starts with a slow kiss, asking for entrance in his mouth to explore some more. Jongdae grants it and since he's familiar with make outs, the two sort of turn it into a game. Tagging one another and chasing the other back into the other's mouth. Yixing's hand is on his chest, hoping that he's tracing the dark font against Jongdae's skin, but he's sure he's not. His hand runs down the side, avoiding Jongdae's scar, then stops at his abdomen.

 _This is it. I'm going to do it._ Yixing thinks. His heart is beating so loud he's sure Jongdae could hear it and doesn't want to embarrass him by commenting on it. Any second now butterflies are going to burst out of him, along with his beating heart. He hooks his fingers along the waistband and pulls down a little, only to let go and hear it snap against Jongdae. He chuckles as he hears Jongdae curse but it's a distraction for him to wrap his hand around Jongdae's lenghth and move his hand up and down. He can't help but watch Jongdae's reaction. His teeth finds purchase on his bottom lip, his eyes are closed, his back is arched a bit, and he's hissing. Then Jongdae licks his lips and opens his eyes to look at Yixing. His gaze is hooded and dark with lust, Yixing can't help but moan.

Jongdae is so beautiful like this. He's giving in to Yixing, opening himself up to Yixing, trusting Yixing, and Yixing can't help but feel honored about it. It's not a full on sexual experience but it's a start. Yixing kisses him with all the passion he has and can foster up and he hopes Jongdae knows how Yixing really feels about him. Even if things between them are not sexual at all or doesn't involve kissing or holding hands or anything, Yixing will be happy being Jongdae's friend. Being the one to be there when Jongdae can't take it anymore. Be the one to guide him when he feels like giving up. Be the one to protect him when bad things happen or try to hurt him. Be the one to always love him and defend him when others won't. Yixing kisses him and when his hand gets a bit faster and tightens a bit harder around his length, Jongdae begins to cry.

"Jongdae, I'm sorry. Whats wrong?" He stops immediately and sits back. His hands are on his stomach as Jongdae sobs a little and covers his face. "I'll stop now. I'll go get you some water."

"No!" Jongdae says loudly as he sits up as well. He's face to face with Yixing, tears still streaming down his face. Yixing wipes them away. "Stay with me." He says, making a grab for his hand to lace his fingers with Yixing's. "God. I can't believe I became the loser who cries while getting jerked off." He jokes but Yixing doesn't laugh. "Its not you, it's just... I think I'll be ok. I still don't understand why you love me, but I think I can be OK with only you and Jongin loving me. You're the only two who I care and will care immensely about. It will take time, Yixing. But I guess you're stuck with me because... I guess I do have strong feelings for you. I'm not sure if it's loving feelings but I know when I figure out what real love is, I'll let you know."

Yixing is grinning. Dimple on full display. He's sure he'll be turning pink for love and joy bubbling up inside of him, so he kisses Jongdae hard on the lips who just laughs and places his hand on Yixing's face to cup his cheek. He's pressing his forehead with Jongdae's but that's not what he really wants to do. He wants to kiss him and kiss him again and again and so he does and when Jongdae has had enough, Yixing makes him lie back and finish what he started. He kisses the last of Jongdae's tears away, his mouth a perfect "oh" shape as he stills as the orgasm goes throughout his body, moaning out Yixing's name and sealing what just happened with a kiss. Jongdae wants to help Yixing with his erection but Yixing doesn't want it. He just wants to hold Jongdae and hope for next time where they'll both be ready for the next step. For now, make Jongdae feel loved and realize that he can have someone to love him for him, is done.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ≧.≦ I don't know what to say other than I hope you have a lovely wonderful day and week. ^^ Thank you once again for reading and for the hits and kudos. They really mean a lot to me. Thank you to XingDae for slightly interacting. It may not be a big interaction and it may not be what we wanted but it was enough to make the XingDae shippers happy and make them inspired. Once again I'm sorry for a triggering chapter and for making it really long and for the slight smut.and I give full permission for you to come kick my ass. Have a wonderful week and thank you once again. ^^ (Sorry for the failed smut. It was supposed to be loving and cheesy ≧.≦) Oh and sorry for any spelling mistakes or for misplaced words I forgot to delete all the way. OK bye now. I talk (write) too much. ✌


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't think I need to post a warning on this chapter at all but I do want to apologize for getting this chapter out really late. I don't usually have a schedule to post but posting on Friday when usually I post on Tuesday, it seems late to me and I apologize. I also apologize that this chapter is just word mess. It wasn't my intention to write Junmyeon like this at all, it just happened when he wasn't really suppose to come out much on this. I'm not that proud of this chapter and I'm sorry if it comes out across. I have so many things to apologize for but I won't because, well it would just end up being me apologizing for everything. Anyway, I hope you enjoy and seriously sorry for getting this out late.

Yixing carefully watches how Jongdae carefully tries to rip a piece of his donut off to eat so he can save the rest for later. It's so weird that he's trying to be precise with cutting it perfectly and it's so weird that he just wants to eat a piece right now then save the rest for later when Yixing bought about half a dozen donuts to school so they wouldn't have the problem of saving any. But still, it's cute how Jongdae is concentrating really hard, sticking his tongue out at the corner of his mouth, and leaning down towards the donut's level to cut a piece off. Yixing just smiles and takes a drink of his hot chocolate as he waits for Jongdae to finish, who is taking his time cutting the piece perfectly.

"You know I have more right? You could eat that one in peace and however you want and I'll give you more after." Yixing says, as Jongdae makes a face that makes Yixing laugh, but quickly wipes the laugh away as he hides behind his cup as Jongdae rips off a random piece of his donut to throw it at him. It ends up bouncing off of his finger though as Jongdae just glares now, taking a bite of the sugar donut he picked out from the brown bag, and turns away from Yixing, who just laughs and wants to kiss Jongdae so badly for being so cute.

Yixing and Jongdae spent the night together but Jongdae ended up going home super early that morning because he needed to go home and change. Yixing offered him some of his clothes, still really tired from sleep and not that aware of what was going on but he knew it had something to do with clothes, but Jongdae just laughed and kissed him goodbye, telling him that he'll meet him at school. Yixing ended up getting dropped off by his mom who gave him some extra money to get breakfast for him and Jongdae, in case Jongdae gets there early, but Jongdae never showed up so Yixing had to go by himself to the coffee shop to get hot chocolate and donuts and a giant cookie and coffee for Sehun or "he'll get upset if we don't bring him any." When Jongdae arrived, wearing a zip up instead of his leather jacket he always wears, and still looking really, really good and more relaxed and care free, Yixing lead the way towards the outside tables where they could sit and have "breakfast" together and peck him on the lips because Jongdae "left him hanging when he left."

So here they were, out in the open where anyone passing by can see the two being sort of loving to one another and staring at them and wondering how the hell did they happen and when and why, and Jongdae and Yixing don't care. At least Yixing doesn't and he's wondering if Jongdae finds it uncomfortable since he's not used to being around the area where everyone hangs out at. He seems to not mind though as he bites his sugar donut and takes a sip of his hot drink then smiles in satisfaction as he licks the sugar off his lips. Yixing just smiles at him and takes a bite of his glazed donut smiling in satisfaction as well.

"So what are the plans for today?" Jongdae asks, after a while of silence between the two. Yixing sort of held his head high when he noticed a small group of girls staring at him, no doubt wondering why the hell he was with Jongdae in the first place. Jongdae was too busy licking and sucking on his fingers to get the sugar off of them and wiping his clothes off, so he didn't notice. Yixing gives him his attention and smiles as he knows why Jongdae asked the question. He mentioned that he needed to talk to Junmyeon last night, especially to get his side of the story between the whole Junmyeon and Jongdae ordeal. Its not because Yixing doesn't believe in Jongdae, but because he thinks it will be fair for Junmyeon to explain why he did what he did. After a pout from Jongdae and a small kiss to his lips from Yixing, and maybe a small wrestling match between them and Jongdae ended up on top, he agreed that it's only fair for Junmyeon to do that. "I think I'll talk to Junmyeon during lunch and I kind of want you there when I do."

Jongdae gulps down the giant piece he bit off of his donut, followed with his drink. "You want me there? With him? Where I'll probably straight up punch him in his pretty face if he says something I don't like?" Jongdae says it seriously but Yixing can't help but giggle a little as he pictures a serious Jongdae sitting beside him with his arms crossed across his chest and making threatening faces at Junmyeon, and as soon as he opens his mouth, Jongdae punches him in the face.

"OK maybe not there. But there. With my friends, you know." Yixing explains but Jongdae is shaking his head no at him and keeps on shaking it as he doesn't want to further hear Yixing explain what he means. "Come on, Jongdae. Please? Jongin will be there and it will be a way for me, or us I mean, to announce that we're sort of together. They should see that we're together."

"They don't like me though. And I will hurt them if they even look at me funny or even tell you something like 'Ew! Why him? You can do so much better.' Which is true, but you know. I kind of like you a lot and want to keep you in my pocket forever." Yixing smiles at that. Jongdae is blushing a little and _seriously he's so cute when he does that._

"If anything you're the one that actually fits in my pocket, so I should keep you in my pocket forever." Jongdae makes a face that makes Yixing laugh and reach for his hand to give it a squeeze. "Please? For me?" He gives him his best puppy eyes ever, channeling Jongin while he does so and when he hears Jongdae groan, he knows he won.

"You suck. If you're going to always do puppy eyes at me to win on whatever, then you're going to have to give me some free ones because that's not fair."

"Deal. But I'm sure I'll give in just as much as you if you do it too."

"I don't think so."

"Try it." Jongdae thinks for a second but shrugs as he can't come up with anything. Then in a split second his smile turns into a devious smile then quickly reaches for Yixing's hands and gives them a squeeze.

"Can I punch Junmyeon if he says something mean?" He's not doing his puppy eyes so Yixing answers with no, he's getting the feeling though that he should have said yes because he's going to cave in. Jongdae pouts, and when the lower lip juts out more than his upper one, Jongdae gives him his best puppy eyes and is whining out the word please and _damn it!_

"OK fine. But only if he talks smack about you. And us!"

"Yes!" Jongdae says out loud, quickly leaning over to cup Yixing's face in his hands and give him a big kiss on the lips. Yixing doesn't want him to pull away though, so he quickly wraps the loose strands of the hoodie of the zip up around his hand to pull Jongdae close to keep kissing him right there where everyone can see. When they pull away, Yixing wants to brag, and brag to the girls who keep on staring about how he has Kim Jongdae and they don't and how Kim Jongdae is the best kisser, even though it was just a normal kiss, and he gets to kiss him and everything while they don't. Yixing wants to brag but Jongdae doesn't, as he drinks his hot chocolate and wipes his mouth with his hand and Yixing thinks he's right even with him not saying anything. Nothing will happen, nothing will come if he brags. So he smiles to himself and reaches for Jongdae's hand where he could trace the ink on his fingers that spell out KAI and the heart on his pinky.

"Are you going to talk to Jongin today?" Jongdae tenses but Yixing continues rubbing his thumb over his fingers, the touch making Jongdae relax a bit.

"I don't think I can. Its too soon."

"You don't have to tell him today, but you should tell him. He has a right to know."

"I know he does, but how do I tell him? 'Hey Jongin, your father is dead, and he has been for a couple of months now but I didn't want to tell you because, well I'm the reason he's dead.' That's something everyone wants to hear."

Yixing frowns. "You're not going to tell him that, are you?" Jongdae doesn't say anything. In fact he tries to play it off as him not listening and lifts his drink to his lips to take a drink. "Jongdae don't tell him that. Tell him the truth and I'm sure he'll see it the same way as me."

"But that is the truth."

"No it's not. You said that he went out after you stood up to him. No one obligated him to drink. That's something he did himself."

"But if I didn't yell at him-"

"He would've beat you."

"He could have beat me after."

"You got through to him." Yixing states. Jongdae and Yixing grow quiet and stare at one another after. Jongdae doesn't know what to say because he's sure Yixing will retort something back and Yixing doesn't want Jongdae to say something that's not true. Jongdae needs to realize that it's not his fault at all and that he wasn't the one who caused Jongin's father's death. He'll realize that as soon as he starts admitting what really happened. Jongdae pouts. And Yixing smiles, putting his fingers underneath Jongdae's chin to lift his head up and look into his eyes. "You don't have to do it alone, you know. I'll be there if you want me to." He nods and when he nods, Yixing leans forward to give Jongdae a tight hug, but it's short lived as suddenly Sehun and Tao come from nowhere and sit around the table, quickly reaching for the donut bag and reaching for the drinks.

"Did you bring me my cookie?"

"Why does he get a cookie and I get nothing?"

"Does it have sugar?"

"What the hell are you drinking?"

"Umm, what's up?" Yixing hears Jongdae speak up amongst both Tao's and Sehun's constant questions and when they notice that the voice doesn't belong to any of them or their friends, they both stop to look. Tao immediately changes his expression to a happy one as he greets Jongdae while Sehun looks to his right only to find that he sat next to Jongdae, confusing him as some one else. He immediately gets up and apologizes, taking the coffee drink with him and giant cookie as well and hurriedly walks away as Tao stays behind and laughs out loud. "See? They don't like me and I didn't do anything."

"Don't worry about him. He kind of has a crush on you lately. Now what did you get for me?" Tao says as he searches through the donut bag while Yixing and Jongdae stare at one another and laugh.

-

Yixing has never been much of a texter during class. Especially during class, where there was a risk of getting your phone confiscated, but right now he didn't care because he was texting Jongdae and asking him about his class while Jongdae gave yes or no answers or more hints. They were playing a game since Yixing didn't really know anything about Jongdae's classes except for the art class, and since Yixing didn't walk Jongdae to class, he has no idea what class Jongdae is in right now. Jongdae knows about Yixing's class and who he's with though and when Jongdae texts him to go talk to him, Yixing grumbles and grumbles some more when Jongdae sends him a laughing emoji and a _bye_ followed with a peace sign. Yixing looks over and frowns. Junmyeon is with Baekhyun and Chanyeol working on their class work and he hates to admit it because Yixing likes to think of himself as really loyal, but he hasn't been that loyal friend to any of them lately. He has no idea what's going on with them and he has no idea if Kris and Junmyeon still want each other or if Junnyeon really likes Kris or not. He doesn't know anything and he's not sure how to go up to them and ask if he can join them when he's sure that they'll tell him no. He sort of wishes for Jongdae to be there with him.

" _Go talk to him. Ask him, what's the deal with Dracula?_ Jongdae texts when Yixing feels his phone vibrate in his pocket and checks the message. He was holding his Dracula book and set it down when he read the message. _OK. How the hell is he doing that?_ He looks around the room just in case Jongdae was in his class but never noticed him, but he's sure Jongdae and him never had a class together. He looks out the windows in case Jongdae was outside but no one was there. His phone vibrates again and he checks it. _Check by the door._ Yixing looks up towards the door and with the door wide open, Jongdae was standing there and waving at him. Yixing can't help but grin and give him a signal to wait as he goes up towards the teacher and ask for permission to go to the restroom. He notices from the corner of his eye that Baekhyun, Chanyeol, and Junmyeon look up at him and watch him leave, probably finding it strange as Yixing has never been one to walk out during class. He knows that Junmyeon could clearly see though that Yixing is walking out and quickly reaching for someone's hand as he starts to run off.

Jongdae and Yixing make their way towards the bleachers where Yixing first went up to him, going to the very top to sit next to each other and hold each other's hands as they giggle because Yixing claims this as the most wildest thing he's ever done at school. Jongdae finds it cute and just nods, remembering when Yixing walked out of school and claimed that as the most wildest thing he's ever done. "So what's up?"

"Nothing. I just had to see you." Jongdae says, squeezing Yixing's hand a bit tighter. He's lying but Yixing doesn't implore. He squeezes his hand back and smiles, leaning forward to kiss Jongdae. He let's him and wants more of it too, as his hand finds the back of Yixing's head and grabs a small handful of his hair, pushing him closer to him. He would never get tired of the way Jongdae kisses, especially the way his hand automatically goes to touch him and whenever they pull away Jongdae laughs and smiles wide. He loves it but he promised himself that he won't be using that word that much or it would lose it's meaning. He also doesn't want to pressure Jongdae on saying it back. "Can I tell you something?" Yixing nods. "You said that your mom found out about Jongin's dad at the hospital, but how come she hasn't reported it to child services? I'm still underage and they have to report things like that to the police, right?"

Yixing nods then takes in a big breath. "Well she could get in trouble for not reporting it right away, but I kind of begged her not to say anything because I felt that maybe you had a reason to keep it hidden." Jongdae nods as he thinks about that.

"Is that why you asked me to sleep over that night?"

Yixing tightens his lips into a line then slowly nods. He's afraid of Jongdae's reaction but he only nods then stays quiet. "My mom was kind of worried that you were out in the streets somewhere so she told me to ask you to sleep over, that way she won't be worried and it would give her a peace of mind. I haven't told her that you're in an apartment at all so I'm sure she thinks that you've been sleeping over, especially since she caught you leaving this morning." Jongdae smiles at that. He ran into Yixing's mom in the hallway when Jongdae was leaving and had a pleasant small good morning talk with his mom. Yixing wasn't there to witness it but the things his mom told him when he got dropped off made him giddy.

"Your mom likes to joke around, doesn't she?"

"Sometimes." Yixing giggles. Jongdae just smiles as he nods again.

"Does she know about... you know… your sexuality?"

"You mean if I'm gay or not?" Yixing asks and Jongdae nods. "Yeah. She does. But she doesn't like to label it as that. She thinks it's ridiculous to put labels on everything. She knows I'm not gay, that I would like to be with a girl and have kids someday, or find a guy and adopt together, and that I do have a strong preference for guys than girls, but she wouldn't call it gay or bisexual or anything. It's just me falling for whoever I want to fall for."

"Your mom is pretty cool."

"Yeah she is. I think communication is key though. If I can't communicate with her at all I don't think she'll be this cool about things." Yixing looks over at Jongdae, something on his mind as he chews on the inside of his lip, and he's going to ask what's up. "Why do you ask?"

"Nothing. I just been wondering that. I won't be 18 until after graduation and I don't want your mom to get into trouble for keeping a secret for me. Its not right, so I've been thinking that maybe you should tell her to tell them what she found out. Get the whole thing over with I guess."

"Are you sure?"

"Yeah." Jongdae nods. "You want me around when you talk to Junmyeon, I think around the same time I can tell Jongin the truth. He deserves to know." Yixing smiles, pulling Jongdae into a hug and pressing a kiss to his temple. Jongdae laughs but hugs Yixing back, squeezing him tight as he needs whatever encouragement he can get to finally reveal the truth to Jongin. "I just hope Jongin doesn't hate me for this."

"He won't. He loves you a lot. Trust me." Yixing says pressing another kiss to Jongdae's head.

Jongdae nods then smiles. He trusts him.

-

When lunchtime arrives, Jongdae and Yixing are holding hands as they both stand still and watch Yixing's friends sit at their normal outside table. Jongdae is nervous, taking a breath and exhaling it out as he starts inhaling another. Jongdae is not sociable with many people and is a bit afraid of going towards Yixing's friends where he knows they don't like him at all. Knowing that everyone hates you when they don't even know you, Jongdae has always been away from that and never bothered being friendly towards them if they won't be friendly towards him. That's why Yixing never really seen him around. He isolated himself from everyone and didn't want to be around the same area as Jongin. Whenever the courtyard was empty and lunch was almost over, he would go towards the benches they had outside and sit and wait for the bell to ring only to quickly make his way towards class and avoid everyone. Jongdae is nervous but a small hand squeeze from Yixing makes him relax a little.

"If it gets too much, just leave OK? And I'll give you back your lighter in case you need to light up." Yixing says, pulling away to reach into his pocket and hand Jongdae back his lighter. He gave it to him in the first place to show that he doesn't need to smoke. Jongdae takes it and silently thanks him, watching Jongin and Kyungsoo make their way towards the round table and their friends. The only ones who are missing is Kris and Chanyeol. Kris and Junmyeon are still not in speaking terms and Chanyeol must still be in class or be with Kris himself. Jongdae let's out a breath then squeezes Yixing's hand, showing him that he's done.

"I'm ready."

"Let's go." Yixing says, leading the way towards the table or tables his friends are sitting at. They're all laughing out loud about something and when Yixing and Jongdae are in front of where Junmyeon is sitting, everyone grows quiet, except for Jongin.

"Hyung! What's up?"

"Umm, hey!" Jongdae stammers a bit. Yixing just squeezes his hand. He watches Jongdae's mouth open and close, reminding him of a fish as he doesn't say anything.

"I kind of need to talk to Junmyeon about something. Is it OK if you guys leave us alone for a bit?" Yixing asks, they all share a look while Jongdae looks like he's about to barf. Yixing has never seen Jongdae so un-Jongdae like, while Junmyeon looks so un-Junmyeon like. He places a hand to rub his back but when Jongdae looks at Junmyeon, his confidence goes back up, only it disguises itself into disgust towards Junmyeon. "Are you going to be OK?" Yixing whispers and he nods. He smiles and kisses his temple, everyone just witnessing what he did but neither Yixing and Jongdae look phased.

"Are you two dating now?" Minseok asks. Yixing nods, with a wide grin on his face while Jongdae just stares at Junmyeon to gauge his reaction.

"For real?!" Sehun yells out but Jongin smacks Sehun in the arm and starts scolding him, telling him what's wrong with Yixing dating his brother, Jongdae laughs out loud and shakes his head towards his brother, telling him it's alright.

"Are you guys, really?" Luhan asks, Yixing nods. He knows he's not happy, maybe no one is, but he really doesn't care because right now Junmyeon doesn't seem hurt or sad or happy or anything, he in fact looks a bit angry and he's sure it's because Yixing blew him off to go be around Jongdae.

"So can we talk?" He asks the question towards Junmyeon who keeps staring at Jongdae who is staring right back, he ends up breaking eye contact with him though and nods. The rest of the guys are getting up and moving away from the table as Yixing moves to sit down in front of him, he pulls Jongdae down to kiss him while Jongdae grabs onto Jongin's hand who starts pulling him away. He laughs and apologizes as Jongin is practically dragging him away now while Yixing looks at the two brothers walk towards another table, holding hands the same way him and Jongdae do.

"When did you two happen?" Junmyeon asks, getting Yixing's attention back. He clears his throat to answer but looks back one more time as Jongdae is sitting with Jongin and Kyungsoo while Tao drags Sehun with him to sit with them than sit with Baekhyun, Minseok, and Luhan. Tao must really like Jongdae while Sehun wants to avoid him completely. He must really have a crush on him since the last time Yixing had seen Sehun like that was when he had a crush on one of the teachers.

"Last night actually."

"Did you two hook up?"

"No. Well…" he thinks about it. A hook up is where two people sleep together and that's it. Yixing didn't really do much hooking up with Jongdae, just a lot of kissing and he did jerked him off, but he didn't "sleep" with him. What him and Jongdae have is- "We're working things out." He answers honestly but Junmyeon hums and that hum means that he doesn't believe him.

"Luhan and Minseok told me that you went out with him and got high, are you OK? You're not still high are you?"

"No." He shakes his head. _Damn Luhan lied._ "Junmyeon, I'm not here to talk about that. I want to know-"

"Know what?"

Yixing sighs and rubs his forehead. "Jongdae told me everything. Especially over what happened between the two of you."

"You don't believe him so you want to hear it from me." Junmyeon suggests but Yixing shakes his head.

"No. Of course I believe him. We-"

"We?" Junmyeon says skeptically. He doesn't believe him. Yixing sighs and tries again.

"Yes, Junmyeon. _We._ As in me and Jongdae."

"That's surprising." He comments but Yixing doesn't say anything. He just stares at him and after a second he tries again.

"Jongdae told me everything that happened to him and how and why you two hate each other but _we_ -" He puts emphasis on the word we. "Thought that it would only be fair for you to put your input and why you did things and why you hate him. So I'm here to hear you out."

"Shouldn't the two of you be here?"

Yixing raises his eyebrow at that. "He said that he would straight up punch you if you as far as open your mouth. I'm sure you'll do the same to him, and he also has to talk to Jongin about something."

"He's smoking. He's not doing a lot of talking." Junmyeon says, getting Yixing to turn around and look, watching Jongdae take a drag of the cigarette and then turn his head to his right and blow the smoke out, right at Baekhyun's face who just blinks at him. Yixing snorts a little finding it really amusing but clears his throat, straightens himself up, and calls out Jongdae's name.

"Remember what we talked about!"

"He's touching me!"

"Wha- I just put an arm around him!" Baekhyun yells back.

"We're not friends." Jongdae says out loud as Jongin reaches for Baekhyun's arm and pulls it off of Jongdae, shaking his head no at Baekhyun.

"Baekhyun, please don't touch him again. Jongdae, don't blow smoke at other people's faces. Jongin, please keep an eye on them." Yixing thinks he sounds like a mother. Or more like Junmyeon if he's honest.

"I'm done!" Jongdae yells out, putting the cigarette out and throwing the cigarette away, no doubt he only lit up to blow the smoke at Baekhyun's face. Yixing shakes his head in amusement and goes back to Junmyeon.

"He's such a dick." Junmyeon comments, the amused smile now faded away from Yixing's face.

"You wouldn't say that if you actually took the chance to get to know him."

Junmyeon looks angry at that statement. "You think I didn't take the chance to know him?"

"I'm just saying. You wouldn't be saying that if you actually know him."

"And you know him so well already?!" Junmyeon says. More like yells. Yixing jumps a bit as Junmyeon is angry. He has never heard his voice grow that loud before. He's sure Jongdae and the rest of them are listening as they never heard Junmyeon get that loud before either. "Do you, Yixing? Do you know him that well already?"

"No, but I know that he's actually a pretty decent guy who is just misunderstood. I know he works hard and cares so much about his brother but gets hate because of the way he looks or dresses. Gets hated on way before people take the chance to really get to know him-"

"Then you can't exactly say that you know him well already when you know nothing."

"That's the beauty of meeting someone new, Junmyeon. The more you get to know about a person, the more you realize how much that person means to you. If they will have a purpose to stick around you for life or not. And not to fake it after."

Junmyeon's eyebrow twitches, as if he got angry over what Yixing just said but automatically played it off as if what he just got told, didn't bother him at all. "Knowing you though, you probably already said that you love him. What happens when you find out the horrible things he's done? Will you still 'love' him then? How can you love someone when you don't even know him at all?"

Yixing doesn't say anything. Yeah he already said that he loved him. He probably shouldn't have but that's just who he is. He said it after Jongdae admitted what happened. Kissed him all over and hoped that Jongdae saw, realized, just exactly what Yixing feels about him. He hopes that Jongdae buried it deep within him, to let it grow in him that Yixing loves him. Yixing doesn't know much about Jongdae, they only became friends for such a short time and now they were together. A recipe that calls for disaster, but Yixing knows that both him and Jongdae are being spontaneous. That they rather have this be a spontaneous thing between them and see where it takes them, rather than getting to know a person then deciding later that they don't belong in their lives at all. How the hell will anyone have any adventure in them? How would anyone say that they met a person or knew a person that was so different than them, if they keep going on with their lives choosing people exactly like themselves? Yixing stays quiet, and he's going to stay quiet because, yeah he told Jongdae he loves him, he doesn't need anyone telling him right now that what he feels is wrong.

Jongdae is suddenly by Yixing's side, placing a hand behind his back and staring daggers at the person in front of him. Junmyeon is just calm and collected. Yixing is kind of hating that he along with Jongdae are getting worked up about this. "I told him what I did and he still said it, what's the problem in that?" Jongdae says, leaning so close towards Junmyeon, Yixing is sure Jongdae will punch him if Junmyeon says something wrong.

"He doesn't see what we see."

"And what exactly do you see? Who is 'we?' Because what I see is you being a jealous pre teen over what he claims is one of his best friends, hanging out with someone else that isn't you and you don't like it one bit because the guy you like is ignoring you and giving you the cold shoulder. You can't stand watching one of your 'best friends' put his attention on someone else that you're mocking jealousy right in the face. You can't stand that your 'best friend' is happy with someone else, when the love of your life straight up told you that he wasn't happy with you, so if you're not happy neither should your 'best friend'. You can't stand the fact that your 'best friend' went after the guy you used to like on while you're all alone and want your best friend to give you all of his attention than putting it on the guy you used to have feelings for. That's what I see. So tell me in detail what the hell you see?"

No one says anything for a bit and Yixing is sure that all of their friends heard everything so he's kind of thankful for them not saying anything about the situation either. Junmyeon seems like he's about to attack any second now but Jongdae is not done. He leans even closer to Junmyeon, close to his ear to say what he's about to say very quietly.

"I hear your brother has a crush on me lately. Doesn't that suck? Even your own brother has more of a bigger chance to be with me than you. That must hurt a bit, right?" He adds but that causes Junmyeon to immediately stand up and almost put his hands around Jongdae, but Jongdae is leaning away, a smirk on his face that slowly turns into a small laugh. Yixing quickly grabs onto Jongdae's arm to pull him away in case Junmyeon does throw a punch. He glances back and sees that Jongin along with Minseok and Luhan are standing up while Sehun doesn't know if he should go be with his brother or not.

"You were right about me. I guess I'm a bit of a fuck up. But what can you do? I do have a 'nothing but a good fuck' of a mother and an asshole of a dad who I never met, a step dad who is never home lately, and a brother who I never get to see except at school. I also have delinquents as friends, a girl lusting over me and drugging me whenever the chance she gets comes up, and maybe a small prison record. And I guess that will turn anyone into a fuck up or a screw up like me, but that's not even half of what people should know about me. I love my brother. I loved getting arrested but I only did it for my mom's attention. I don't mind this girl lusting after me and drugging me, it helps with the numb feeling. I actually feel something for once. And now I have Yixing. So say whatever the hell you need to say about me. I really could care less, but don't ever, and I mean _ever_ , judge him for the way he is. You hear me?" The last phrase was said loudly, Yixing jumps a little. "So he tends to fall in love immediately with people he meets or tends to see the good in people automatically instead of thinking about it for a second. So what? We need more people like him because he's the one who shows kindness and compassion to everyone, even the broken ones, and that causes a small little stir in them to be the best people they can be."

Yixing is staring at Jongdae, a sense of pride somewhat bubbling inside him and a smile forming on his face. Jongdae looks back at him, a smile hidden there somewhere as he turns to look really seriously at Junmyeon. He sits there staring back at Jongdae then sighs. "What did you tell him?"

"What do you mean 'what did I tell him?' I told him everything."

"Fine. I'll talk." _Junmyeon didn't want to talk. Just what exactly did Junmyeon do to Jongdae or the other way around that Junmyeon didn't want to talk?_

"Fine. I'm going to go talk to Jongin." Jongdae says mostly to Yixing who nods at him and watches Jongdae leave asking Jongin if he can go with him. He hopes Jongdae has better luck talking to his brother. He turns towards Junmyeon again but is looking towards the area the rest of their friends are at. Kris is with Chanyeol, sitting together now and away from Junmyeon and Yixing. Chanyeol is curious as to what he just missed while Kris is beckoning Tao to come over so he can give him money.

"Do you still have feelings for him?" Yixing asks out of nowhere. Junmyeon looks down at his hands and nods. "I mean Kris."

"I know who you meant."

"Did you ever have feelings for Jongdae?" Yixing tries again, Junmyeon sits there quietly for a long minute then nods. _I knew it._ "Do you still... do?" He asks again and Junmyeon doesn't hesitate, nodding his head yes. OK. Yixing nods. He wasn't expecting that. He rubs his forehead, not knowing what to say or do right now. He honestly was expecting Junmyeon to say no. He was honestly expecting to be the only one to like Jongdae, but apparently Sehun is lately having a crush on him and Junmyeon apparently still has feelings for him too. He thinks things just got complicated.

"I don't like him like before though." He speaks up. "Before you showed up to our middle school I was so confused. I liked Kris, I liked him, but I was afraid that my feelings were wrong. I used Jongdae to figure out what the hell I was or was feeling. I was afraid of telling Kris what I felt. I was afraid… that if I were to ask him for help he'll... well, we'll turn out like we are right now." Yixing nods, Junmyeon continues. Junmyeon stops for a brief second to sigh and grab onto his front hair and pull a little. Its a habit Yixing has noticed that Jongdae does sometime. They maybe picked up habits from one another.

"I didn't want to ask Kris so I befriended Jongdae to figure myself out. I was attracted to him but I wasn't sure what I felt. I also didn't really want to be seen around him because a lot of people spoke negatively about him. I realize that it was wrong of me to do that, but I was the good kid at school and if suddenly I was seen hanging around with the bad kid from school… I was afraid of what my father would say." Yixing arches his eyebrow at that. From what he knows is that Junmyeon's father and his mother divorced when he was little and when the divorce was final, Junmyeon lost contact with his father. Sehun and his step dad officially came into his life around the time Yixing transferred schools, and when word got out that Junmyeon had a new dad and a new step brother, his dad was never heard from again. Well in Junmyeon's case he never heard from him again, in the business world, there were news of Junmyeon's father moving his business somewhere else and marrying what Junmyeon calls is his step sister and not his step mom since the girl is so much younger than his dad.

"He may be away, Yixing, he may never call but, he knows everything. And if he found out about me lusting over the 'bad boy' from school, he would have my head." Yixing doubts that but he tends to forget sometimes that not everyone has a good relationship with their parents like Yixing has with his mom. Jongdae being an example, Kris being another by getting beaten by his mom just for being with a guy, and now Junmyeon who is afraid of what his dad would do if he finds any thing wrong with Junmyeon's actions. He wonders what his other friend's relationships with their parents are like.

"Wait. So you 'lusted' after him?" Junmyeon nods. "But I thought that you weren't sure what you felt about anyone?"

"With Kris I had… I guess loving feelings. I felt like… being with him, like all the time. I just wanted to be with him and wondered what it would be like to be his boyfriend. With Jongdae... I wanted to touch him and kiss him. Have him kiss me hard, push me against the wall, pull on my hair. Be the bad boy everyone dubbed him as and do it to me." Yixing blushes and looks away. He kind of doesn't want to look Junmyeon in the eye right now. He also can't picture his precious Jongdae doing that to Junmyeon at all. Doing it to him himself, maybe. Maybe Yixing can do it to him too, but that's not the appropriate time for him to think about that. He shakes his head and clears his throat and looks around to see where Jongdae and Jongin have gone. He sees that Kyungsoo is gone too. Jongdae probably invited him along, in case Jongin really needed a friend.

"So you became his friend but never acknowledge it in front of others, while you felt sexual feelings towards him?"

Junmyeon nods. "I guess I was never interested in being his friend when all I thought about was kissing the guy. That's all I wanted to do. He was also kind of shy around me too, it just made it so much harder to be cool around him." Yixing freezes a little. _Did Junmyeon do something to Jongdae that he did not want? Jongdae never mentioned anything like that. Maybe he left it out. He went through a lot, he must have left it out._

"What did you do?"

"Nothing. I asked him if I could kiss him but he was so confused and said no then asked me if I would still be his friend after. I said yes, because I was confused as well. I kept wondering why he turned me down. I thought he liked me too so I thought that if I ask, he'll do it, but he didn't so I grew a bit… angry. It made me so confused. Then the next day he came to me looking desperate for help, and said that he needed a drug dealer. He wouldn't say for what but when he said the word drug dealer, something... I don't know, switched in me. I asked him to tell me why he needs a drug dealer and when he told me, the first thing that popped into my head was my dad and I distanced myself away. He wasn't even interested in me either. He was interested in Kris."

"Kris?"

"Yeah. Well not in the whole, he likes him way, but because he respected Kris."

"He respected Kris?" Yixing is a bit lost. Jongdae definitely did not mention that. Junmyeon kind of smirks when he sees that Yixing just realized that Jongdae left some things out. Yixing makes no comment about it.

"I don't know if you noticed but Kris is kind of like a leader to some of us. Or like a higher up. Like an older brother. Jongdae saw him that way, I don't know if he still does." Yixing nods, remembering what Jongdae calls him. _The Captain._ Not because he's the school's basketball team captain. But because he's the captain to some of them.

"He probably does. I mean a lot of us respect him, I'm sure he does too, especially how well he takes care of Jongin."

"Maybe he sees him as an older brother or a father figure." Junmyeon adds. Yixing remembers Jongin making a comment once about how Kris looks after him and reminds him of a dad. There's no way Jongin would look at anyone else as an older brother, only Jongdae. Jongin telling Jongdae how Kris treats him, maybe Jongdae started to see him the exact same way his brother saw him. "Anyway, he was mostly interested in finding a drug dealer and learning about Kris, and I just got angry because… well, he wasn't interested in me. I hated it. Something in me just kept telling me that 'there goes another guy that won't be interested in me at all.' And I didn't like it one bit so I kind of started to hate him. I know it's wrong of me to do that but I was so confused, I just wanted to figure out what I was feeling."

Yixing frowns. He didn't know that Junmyeon felt that way. But like he said, that was no right for Junmyeon to hate on Jongdae. So what really happened for Junmyeon to hate on Jongdae so much and bad mouth him whenever he sees him? "Do you still have sexual feelings towards him?" _Please say no. Please say no. Please say no._

Junmyeon shakes his head. _Yes!_ "Not a lot I guess." _Boo!_ Yixing frowns. His lower lip jutting out a bit but quickly bites his lip as he's not phased by this. This doesn't bother him. Not at all. Not one bit. And he's not going to show it. "I mean I've seen him with some girl-"

"Veronica."

"Who?"

"The girl. Her name is Veronica. She's the girl who he said constantly chases after him and drugs him."

"Oh." Junmyeon says then stays quiet. Yixing looks over at him. His shoulders are hunched and his fingers are laced in front of him, while he looks down at them. There's something in his mind. Or there's something he wants to say. "Well I've seen him and Veronica?" Yixing nods. "I've seen them together and..." his voice trails off. So Yixing finishes for him.

"And you get jealous whenever those two kissed in front of everyone?"

Junmyeon nods, now looking up at him. "Exactly. Like, she doesn't seem to be his type at all but there he goes kissing her… and I guess now he's kissing you. All this time I thought he was straight, turns out he's not."

"Honestly, that still doesn't explain why you hate him so much. You can't possibly hate him just for turning you down. Did your dad find out about something? Why did you tell everyone about his mom? I thought that you didn't really take the chance to know him."

"I didn't. I mean not in the sense where I found out his favorite color, his favorite movie or music, even though that was a given. I didn't know about his hobbies or anything. All I knew was that his mom was well not a good mom, his brother is Jongin, and that Jongin's father was so-so. Remember when people thought I was gay in middle school and I told them that I wasn't but wouldn't believe me, and would threathen to beat me up?" Yixing nods. That's when Yixing felt like protecting him so much. That's all he thought about. He was worried for Junmyeon and would even tell him that if he needed anyone to back him up or to fight back to call him, but Junmyeon always told him that it wasn't necessary. That he'll handle it, but Junmyeon's way of handling it was to take the beating, even though no one ever did.

"Remember in high school when everyone suddenly congratulated me for coming out?" Yixing nods, he has no idea what this has to do with Jongdae, but he nods as he remembers. Everyone, even the school staff would tell Junmyeon that they were proud of Junmyeon for coming out. Which now that he thinks about it, he finds it ridiculous. There are more kids who come out or came out that are in their school campus and no one ever congratulated them. Junmyeon would get congratulated because-.

"Your father is the reason why you got bullied and why everyone suddenly became accepting with your sexuality?"

"Yup." Junmyeon pops the p then looks down at his hands again. "I used Jongdae's situation at home as something to get people off my back when people heard that I was gay. My father used my situation as gay to get more business in or publicity and that he was accepting towards it, so everyone congratulated me. I used him and he used me and I'm not proud of it but when Jongdae was being homophobic around me, and he threatened me that if I ever told Jongin or anyone the truth about him selling drugs to drug dealers, I hated him, but I was also glad that he did that because I for once had power or control to do what I want over a situation where it could easily be solved. It felt good to have the knowledge to hurt someone, and I may have called him a fuck up, but I guess I'm just as much as a fuck up as him. And what makes it even worse, knowing that I could hurt Jongdae by telling the truth, I know Jongdae would hurt me back by finding out something about me but the idea of him hurting me, it just makes it a bit more thrilling I guess. I don't hate him hate him, I just find him annoying at times, but I do hate that I still have those sexual feelings towards him, that no matter how badly he hurts me, it would always be exciting and I'll want more. I hate that he didn't choose me and that he was homophobic with me but whenever we go at parties and he's kissing that girl, I hate it. I also hate myself for not liking you back at all. You're a great guy Yixing and a great friend and I'm sorry, but stupid Jongdae and Kris make something in me come… alive I guess."

Yixing wasn't aware that Junmyeon knew about his feelings towards him. But what's the point now when someone else makes him feel "alive" too. The same guy who makes Junmyeon feel alive is the same guy that makes Yixing feel the same and this is a big dilemma. Yixing all this time thought that he was the only one who had feelings for Jongdae. Now there's Veronica, Junmyeon is just lusting after him, the same with Veronica, but they still like him, and Sehun is getting a crush on him. Who else is getting or has or had feelings for Jongdae? He still thinks Luhan probably felt something for Jongdae once. Junmyeon is hating him for all the wrong reasons he thinks, which makes things a bit complicated. He wanted to solve everything with everyone but Junmyeon ends up telling him that, and he's not sure what to do with the new found information. He's so confused, he doesn't want anyone to be liking Jongdae, especially the ones who always judged him or spoke negatively about him or are using him to hurt him. He doesn't want anyone getting close to him and Jongdae and constantly telling him that he shouldn't be with Jongdae or that his feelings towards Jongdae are wrong, only for later they could be with Jongdae or whatever. He doesn't want anyone to hurt Jongdae and he doesn't want anyone to hurt Jongin either. He's so confused and doesn't know what to do, he just sits there letting his brain process everything in. His phone vibrates in his pocket and he pulls it out as he got a text. Its from Jongdae, a bit of the tension easing away from him now.

_False alarm! I couldn't tell Jongin anything. I backed out. Sorry Yixing. I guess you can't tell your mother just yet. I'm deeply sorry to you and your mom. I hope you're having better luck than me. If he needs an ass kicking, let me know. I'll come running. ;)_

Yixing smiles as he texts back then shoves his phone back into his pocket. He looks at Junmyeon who was watching him then frowns. "You like him a lot and you do seem happier, I'm sorry I made you agree to the whole we hooked up thing when we didn't. If you want to be with him then be with him and if he told you the truth then I have no place to deny or tell you that he's keeping things from you. I'm sorry Yixing. I won't do anything to him or you and I won't tell Jongin anything either. Its going to take a while getting used to, to the two of you, but I'll work something out. As for my brother, I'm sure he won't do anything to get between the two of you. Its just a crush, it will go away. I promise."

Yixing reaches for Junmyeon's hand and gives it a squeeze, a smile forming on his face. "Thank you, Junmyeon. I'm sorry about your father. I'm sorry that Jongdae never had the same feelings you felt for him but I'm also not sorry because, well he's mine now." They both laugh at that part but Yixing quickly goes back to serious mode. "I'm sorry about Kris too. You two really need to talk things out. I know he likes you but he's just complying his mother's wishes when he shouldn't. He should do what he wants to do and if that is to be with you, he should do it. And the whole lusting after Jongdae thing, I guess I understand but seriously, just get to know him. You may actually like him."

"That's the problem. I may actually like him if I do. For right now it's fine like this I think. Speaking of him, here he comes." Yixing turns around to see Jongdae and Jongin walking hand in hand together, while Jongin has an arm around Kyungsoo. Jongdae looks a bit sad but when he looks up at Yixing, he smiles. He quickly hugs his brother then walks over towards Yixing, paying no attention whatsoever to Junmyeon, and sits next to Yixing, sneakily linking his hand with his under the table. "Well I'm going to go. Thanks for hearing me out I guess. And seriously I'm sorry."

"Don't worry about it. Thank you, Junmyeon." Junmyeon just waves and ends up walking away, Sehun and Tao following after him as soon as they see him leave. The rest of Yixing's friends are sitting somewhere else, and no doubt watching him and Jongdae but he can't help but turn towards Jongdae and cup his face with his hand. "How did it go?"

"I don't know. I thought I could say something but I couldn't. Can I still get more time?" Jongdae asks, a small pout protruding out. Yixing laughs and nods, moving his fingers under Jongdae's chin and tilts his head up, staring at his lips then into his eyes.

"You can have all the time in the world."

"OK that's a lie but I can see you really want to kiss me so I'll just smile and nod and pretend that I agree when it's not true, just so you can kiss me." Yixing just laughs and shakes his head then leans forward, pressing his lips to Jongdae, whose hands go around Yixing's waist and holds him still. He knows his friends are watching, he knows Junmyeon, Sehun, and Tao are sitting somewhere else and watching, and he really doesn't care if other kids are watching as well. He pulls away and smiles as Jongdae smiles too then wipes his thumb against his bottom lip. "How did it go with you?"

"Well, Junmyeon apparently has sexual feelings towards you. Sehun definitely has a crush on you and I really think I should talk to Kris next, which by the way, you never mentioned that you saw him as a father figure."

Jongdae frowns. "I'm sorry. I didn't think it was a big deal to be honest, so I never mentioned it. And Junmyeon has sexual feelings towards me? What the hell?"

"I know right!" Yixing says out loud as Jongdae laughs. "But he hates you for all the wrong reasons."

"I know that, but I didn't know about him and feeling sexually towards me. Should we... you know? Invite him sometime? To get those feelings over with?" Yixing suddenly gasps out loud and smacks Jongdae's arm who just laughs out loud then suddenly gets silenced as Yixing's lips are on his again, kissing him harder than before and a bit more passionate than before. Jongdae doesn't mind it. He laughs after when Yixing pulls away and mumbles out "mine" against his lips. "You're so the jealous type."

"Yes I am." Yixing doesn't deny and he won't deny it ever. As he pecks Jongdae again who just laughs and pecks him back.

"I'm all yours."

"Good. I'm all yours too." He says with a dimpled smile on his face, lacing his fingers with Jongdae's and giving his hand a squeeze, making a promise that he'll always be his.

~

"They really do look good together. It's cringely cute and sweet but they look good."

"Yeah. My hyung looks really happy. I never seen him like that before."

"What do you suppose he wanted to talk to you about?" Kyungsoo asks as he starts playing with some random twig he found on the table. Jongin leans backs to stretch then shrugs.

"Probably tell me that my dad is the one beating him and not actually at a punk show he claims it is." Kyungsoo nods then looks over towards Jongdae and Yixing who are sitting really close together and holding hands. They almost look like they're whispering or mumbling about something then they get up to leave.

"You know you have to tell him sooner or later. You can't keep this from him. He also has a right to know."

"I know Kyungsoo, but how? If I tell him, it will kill him. He may play it off that he doesn't care about mom, but he does. That he still loves her no matter what she did to him. How do I tell him that mom is sick and dying? I don't think I can tell him something like that."

Kyungsoo bites the inside of his lower lip and looks around. Jongdae and Yixing are getting food then walking away from the eating area altogether as they either want to be alone or Jongdae no longer wants to be around people who keep staring at him and Yixing. He then smiles as he got an idea. "You can talk to Yixing. He'll help, I'm sure of it. And I'm sure he'll help Jongdae with the news of your mother." Jongin is smiling too as that's a good idea.

"OK. I'll talk to Yixing. He'll help me tell my hyung that mom is dying and there's nothing we can do about it."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading, for the hits, and for the kudos, and everything in between. It really means a lot to me. ^^ I hope you an amazing weekend and week and until next time. ^^ Let me know if anything is confusing at all. Bye! ☺✌


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ugh sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry it's out late. So sorry. I hope you enjoy though, even though not much happens. Happy reading. ^^

Every since Jongdae and Yixing announced that they were dating, and it's been weeks, things with Yixing's friends became different. Tao tries to be around Jongdae and Yixing a lot more, while Sehun would be there too but won't make eye contact with Jongdae at all. In fact, he's always blushing and Yixing finds it cute, but the kid always blushing around Jongdae kind of makes it easier for Jongdae to mess with him. Its not his intention but he says he can't help it. He has to blow a kiss or two or stare at him and suck on his finger or do something suggestively right in front of him just for the purpose to mess with him. Yixing once said that he has thought about what will happen if him and Jongdae do it together. Jongdae just laughed out loud and told him to do it with him some time.

_"What about Junmyeon, though?"_

_"He won't do anything. He would've said something already."_

_"We're horrible."_

_"So horrible."_ Jongdae always agrees, then hooks his fingers onto Yixing's belt loops and pulls him forward to always kiss him on the lips.

Things with Jongin and Kyungsoo are about the same but Jongdae and Jongin hang around each other a lot more than before. Baekhyun keeps hooking his arm around Jongdae, asking him what's it like to date Yixing, and intimate details about if they've kissed yet and what not and trying to become his friend but Jongdae always pushes him away. Yixing thinks they can become great friends if Jongdae allows it, but he only makes a face and frowns, Yixing just laughs. He talks to Chanyeol a bit more than with Baekhyun as Chanyeol is open to any sort of music, and since Jongdae knows a variety, they somewhat get along. Luhan doesn't associate with Jongdae at all. In fact he always sits somewhere else whenever Yixing and Jongdae sit at their table for a bit, but they always end up leaving since Jongdae is still not comfortable being around that many people and the two of them just want to go away and kiss. Minseok sometimes sits with them, but Minseok is Minseok and doesn't really talk much, he seems to not mind Jongdae at all though. Junmyeon doesn't sit with them at all, and Kris is never around but he has mentioned to Yixing that he's happy for him but he's still not sure if Jongdae is the guy for him.

Things are slowly getting better but Jongdae still can't find it in himself to tell Jongin, and he can't help but always feel sorry towards Yixing's mom as she could get fired for keeping his situation silent. He still works and pays rent and saves money for Jongin. Luckily he hasn't ran into any of the men that keep chasing him, but Jongdae tells Yixing that it's a bad sign if he hasn't seen them around. Yixing worries, but Jongdae just smiles and tells him not to worry. He can get through it. Jongdae hasn't talked or hung around with any of his friends every since the rave and they seem to wonder what's up with him. They showed up at his work once asking him what's up, but Jongdae always lies and says he's busy with work and school. Veronica doesn't say anything but Jongdae knows she has her suspicions. He sometimes sleeps over at Yixing's, especially when he has the day off but if he has work, he always goes home. Yixing always asks him if he can sleep over at his place maybe once but Jongdae always tells him no since the area is bad and he doesn't want him to be in the house where Jongdae sent the man off to his death. Yixing just nods, then proceeds to pull Jongdae right against him and hold him tight, kissing the top of his head.

When it comes to kissing and making out and all things physical between them, all they do is kiss, and kiss a lot, hold each other; pressed up right against each other whenever they lay in bed or are on the couch, always hold each other's hands especially hook their pinkies together, sometimes smack each other's butts or give it a pinch in the hallway whenever they have to walk to their next class, but when it gets to the point where they get hot and hard, Yixing always tells Jongdae no whenever Jongdae tries to jerk him off. He always wants to do it to Jongdae, telling him that he deserves it, but he says no also because Yixing won't let him to do it to him. Yixing doesn't want Jongdae to do it to him until they're both ready to do it all the way, feeling that he won't be able to hold back if Jongdae starts, in the meantime he doesn't mind doing it to Jongdae. Sometimes Jongdae let's him, but Jongdae always ends up pushing him away and runs to the bathroom to finish himself off. He sometimes gets reminded of unwanted touches from the girls he's slept with, so he runs off leaving Yixing to feel guilty. They just lay in silence after, whispering to each other that they'll get there someday. They don't need to rush. In the meantime they enjoy kissing each other and holding each other's hands. Jongdae whispering apologies but also for Yixing not to feel bad at all. "It's not you. It's me. I'm sorry." _It's not just you. It's me also._

Jongdae is crouching in front of their mural one Friday as Yixing is painting a corner they still need to finish. They're almost done with the mural, which means that Jongdae and Yixing won't be able to see each other or work together anymore if they're almost done with it. Jongdae apparently has gym that class period while Yixing has art. Jongdae being the only senior in that class, the gym teacher told him he'll give him a passing grade if he works on the mural. Yixing has been pouty all day when he realized that they're almost done, while Jongdae just smiles and hugs him and tells him it's alright, they'll still see each other after school. But right now, Jongdae was watching Yixing work but also getting a good look of the whole mural to see if they needed to add anything else, while Yixing talked about going to the hospital to visit his mom to ask her if he can hold a sleep over that night.

"So a sleep over with all of your friends, just to make them like me?"

Yixing turns around to look at him to explain but ends up laughing, pulling out his phone to take a picture of Jongdae. "You look like you're about to drop the hottest album of the year." Jongdae laughs out loud then covers his mouth, remembering that a teacher once told him, because he laughed out loud at something at the time, "Class is in session" very seriously but neither Jongdae or Yixing could take her seriously at all. The two of them still laugh about that, even though it happened before the two of them became a couple. "So what do you think?" Yixing asks after showing Jongdae the picture, Jongdae nods, giving the OK for Yixing to post it up on his instagram while Jongdae walks towards the wall to add some detail on a character.

"I don't know. No offense but that's a lot of dude in just one tiny room. Where are they all going to fit?"

"In the living room. I'll ask my mom. I'm sure she'll let us move the couches and table away for everyone to fit. We could build a fort."

Jongdae hums after a second. "What if they don't come? One thing is hanging around at school and the other is hanging around each other outside of the school."

Yixing smiles, shoving his phone back into his pocket. "They'll come. I'm sure of it. If not then… it's set that your brother and Kyungsoo will come, and Tao and Sehun as well. We can post pictures and videos online for all of them to see and when they see how much fun we're having, they'll come over." Jongdae frowns, Yixing noticing, quickly walking over to him to lift his head up and cup his face in his hands. "What's wrong?"

"They'll probably think that I'm going to drug them or something. They won't come. You can do your sleep over Xing, but I don't think I should be there. Just tell them that I won't be there."

"But the point of it is for them to get to know you, Dae." Jongdae looks up after the nickname that makes him smile. They haven't really called each other any pet names yet, but so far they've stuck with Xing and Dae. Yixing likes it and so does Jongdae. They so far prefer it too. "If they don't show up, they don't show up. But if they do, I want them to do it to get to know you better not because they need to keep an eye on each other. I'll make that clear to them. If they all say no, well… we still haven't told my mom that we're dating so we should still go."

Jongdae laughs at that. "I'm sure by now she's figured it out. I mean, your bed is not that big for the both of us and there's never extra blankets lying around in your room. I'm sure she knows that we're at least sleeping on the same bed and she knows you sleep practically naked, so she must have figured it out."

Yixing blushes at that. "I don't sleep naked. You think she knows?"

"Its OK. I sleep naked too. Its fun." Jongdae says trying to comfort him, wrapping his arms around Yixing's waist as he still continues to blush. He kisses his cheek then laughs as Yixing blushes even more. "I think she knows something. But OK. Lets go today after school. We can tell her and I can tell her to finally reveal what she found out."

"You're going to tell Jongin?"

"Well, no. But it's kind of killing me that your mom is at risk of getting fired. So I'll tell her to say something about it." Yixing nods then kisses Jongdae's cheek bone, his hand slowly trailing down to Jongdae's butt to give it a squeeze. Jongdae ends up jumping away, letting out some sort of squawking sound as he blushes while Yixing laughs out loud at him.

-

When Yixing and Jongdae get taken to a private room to wait for Yixing's mom to show up, Yixing finds it cute that Jongdae is jealous over what just happened. He claims he's not, but the clear tone of jealousy that Jongdae used when he said "then why don't you marry her instead of being with me." has Yixing smiling like a love sick idiot over his precious Jongdae getting jealous over a girl Yixing wants nothing to do with. _Anymore._ He used to have feelings for her. Thinking that she's the ideal wife material, but when she announced that she got engaged, those feelings went away. Now Yixing has feelings for Jongdae, who is jealous right now and pouting his lip but claiming that he's not pouting at all, until Yixing opens Jongdae's legs apart and steps between them as Jongdae sits on top of the bed. Yixing stands in front of him and kisses him, Jongdae's arms crossed across his chest making no movement to ease down. Yixing pulls away just to smirk at his boyfriend who is still "pouting", all the while his tips of his fingers drawing circle patterns against Jongdae's thighs.

"Your mom is going to walk in and see us like this." Jongdae mumbles against Yixing's lips, who continues his pattern drawing. He sticks his tongue out to lick Jongdae's bottom lip then pulls away. He knows he got him. Jongdae suddenlygrabs a handful of his hair, just to keep him in place and kiss him back. Yixing smirks as he feels Jongdae's fingers run through his hair now, tilting his head up to kiss Jongdae even more. It takes more than a second to stop each other from kissing, Jongdae fanning himself with his hand while Yixing smirks and starts patting his palm over Jongdae's thighs.

"Sing a song while we wait?"

Jongdae freezes for a second as he blushes at that. He hasn't sang a song for Yixing at all. The thought of it makes him nervous. "Sing what?"

"I don't know. Aren't you taking choir at school? What song are you guys learning there?"

"We're mostly focusing on duets but none of the songs appeal to me or Kyungsoo so we haven't picked one. They're all mostly pop songs."

"What's wrong with pop songs?" Yixing asks, his hand automatically finding Jongdae's as he sits beside him on the bed. Jongdae immediately laces their fingers together, giving his hand a squeeze as he shrugs.

"Nothing is wrong, but we really don't want to sing a song about a man not feeling his face at all when he's with someone." Yixing laughs, nodding as he knows the song. Sehun and Jongin did a dance duet to that song. And almost everybody else at a dance competition they had last time. It got annoying. That's why Yixing rather do songs he composed, to add variety instead of repeating every song every time.

"So you and Kyungsoo are partners?"

"Yup." Jongdae pops the p. "We're really picky about song choices but Kyungsoo can pick some really amazing songs so I just leave it to him to decide things like that."

"Can I be honest with you?" Yixing asks. Jongdae nods as Yixing sort of grabs his arm to wrap it around his, still holding onto Jongdae's hand. "I've never pictured you as a singer at all but I guess it makes sense why your mp3 is fully loaded with a bunch of songs." Jongdae laughs, pulling out his phone to look at some of the artists on his phone. He has a variety of gangster rap all the way to heavy metal to Japanese rock songs all the way to songs only sung on musicals. He loves music, no matter the language, no matter the genre. But he likes the punk lifestyle most of all. He likes the leather jackets, and the patches and the pins, the different colored hair, the tattoos, the band t-shirts, the punk shows, the attitude, the whole sticking up and fighting over what they believe in, the people who treat him like family. He loves it. Plus he's more punk rock by sticking to his standards of listening to whatever he wants and looking the way he does, than listening to what everyone is listening to and dressing like them too.

"I don't know. I just always loved listening to music. I remember as a kid my grandmother would play like the old Rockabilly music and I liked it a lot. I remember my neighbor playing old school rap and it appealed to me. Finding out that I'm Korean, I listened to kpop and I liked it. Music… just calls out to me."

Yixing grins. Jongin feels the same way too and so does he. If he doesn't listen to music at least an hour every day, he'll go crazy. "That's nice. It also called out to Jongin, except he dances to it."

Jongdae laughs as he nods. "Yeah. He dances, I sing. I remember when we were kids and Jongin took ballet, he always said that we'll end up being a brother duo where I would sing and he would dance. I don't know if he still thinks like that."

"He probably does. He's kind of private and you really need to pay attention to know what he wants or likes or says. I think he mentioned one time, I think the first time we won an award." Jongdae nods as he knows what Yixing is talking about. "He mentioned something like 'the next award will be for me and my brother.' I didn't know what he meant at the time, now I do." Yixing smiles at the end, revealing his dimple and Jongdae's finger automatically goes to it to poke it. They sit in silence, Yixing watching Jongdae. More like studying him and taking in every feature. He would like to see Jongdae one day with glasses on, with no tattoos at all, or maybe more, he's not sure yet. His hair pushed back, revealing his forehead, a lip piercing or two or none since Jongdae's lips are attractive. And the way he smiles makes Yixing's butterflies in his stomach go crazy. The bright smile that illuminates the room as soon as he walks in. He would like to see him with a different hair color. A chestnut brown or maybe something drastic like a pale violet or something really bright. He wants to see Jongdae coated in a thin layer of sweat and breathing hard and having hooded eyes and a small lip bite then his lips turning into a small opening as he gasps, his tongue peeking out and licking his lips. He wants to see him peaceful after, clinging onto him and asking him to never leave him and Yixing nods promising that he'll never leave. That he'll stay. That he'll always stay with him. But it's just a fantasy. A fantasy he's not sure he's allowed to have since he doesn't even know what could happen between him and Jongdae. A fantasy that he's not sure if Jongdae has it too. A fantasy that gets mistaken as something Yixing shouldn't feel towards Jongdae because his friends are not sure about him. A fantasy that even his mom could say no to. He clings onto Jongdae's hand and arm tightly, hoping that nothing will separate them.

"What's wrong?" Jongdae notices the arm tightening. _Of course he will. I'm practically holding onto him for dear life._

"N-Nothing. Its kind of cold in here, don't you think?" Yixing asks, tightening Jongdae's arm a bit more.

"I don't know. Its kind of hot out so it's fresh in here."

"You are wearing a zip up. Of course it's hot out." Yixing laughs as Jongdae laughs too and pulls away from Yixing's hold to start removing his zip up off.

"Do you want it? You can wear it if you want."

Yixing kind of wants to but he's actually really warm and does find the room fresh. He just needed an excuse and that's the best he could come up with. He shakes his head but thanks him anyway, going back to clinging onto his arm once again. Yixing's mom finally walks in, Yixing jumping down to hug his mom and give her a kiss on the cheek, while Jongdae jumps down and bows his head, greeting Yixing's mom like that. She ends up surprising the two of them by pulling Jongdae into a hug and presses a kiss on his cheek as well. Yixing notices the slight pink on Jongdae's cheeks, making him smile as his mom is accepting towards Jongdae and Jongdae doesn't seem to mind what she does or says to him.

"What brings you boys here?"

"I wanted to ask you if I could have a sleep over today with the guys."

"Today? Do they know about it?"

Yixing frowns. "No I haven't told them. That's why we came straight here right after school to ask you. And if I were to text you, you wouldn't have replied until 6." Jongdae laughs as she blushes a little but nods it off, giving the OK.

"That's too much dude in one room though." She adds, Jongdae laughs out loud at that as Yixing chuckles. "What?"

"Jongdae said the same thing."

"Really?" She takes a second to look at Jongdae who is smiling and doing the same to her, when she suddenly steps forward and shows him her palm. High five!" Jongdae laughs and returns it, Yixing watching the two and somewhat shaking his head at them. They're dorky together. "But seriously where are all of you going to fit?"

"I'm not going."

"What?"

"Yes he is." Both Yixing and his mom say something at the same time. Jongdae just glances at the two of them and frowns.

"Why not, Jongdae?"

"He is, mom. He's going."

"Yixing." Jongdae whines as Yixing gives him a stern look. He puckers his lips, somewhat making a frowning face at the same time, then rolls his eyes. "Fine. I'm going too."

"Good. Have lots of fun. You guys can move the couches and coffee table and hang out in the living room. I'll go get you my card so you guys can buy snacks and food."

"Oh no no no no. I'll handle it." Jongdae speaks up. "I can pay for the food and snacks." Yixing frowns and shakes his head no, his mom doing the same, but Jongdae insists. He ends up giving into him as he used his pout and puppy eyes at him. _And he claimed that I will never give in to him. What a liar._

"OK. Well is that all? You guys should get going so your friends don't end up making other plans and not show up."

"Actually-" Yixing rubs the back of his neck, reaching for Jongdae's hand in his and pulling him to his side. "I have something important to tell you." He glances at Jongdae, squeezing Yixing's hand for encouragement. "Jongdae and I are sort of... dating?" He's not sure what he expects from his mom but her definitely sitting down on top of the hospital bed is not one of them. "Mom?"

"I'm fine. It's just-"

"Saint Zhang, if you don't want me around your son I completely understand. I keep telling him that he deserves some one else but he insists on sticking with me. And I guess... I kind of like him sticking with me. He's great but I understand-"

"Hold up. Did you just call my mom Saint Zhang?" Yixing interrupts, Jongdae's cheeks coloring as he doesn't know what to do or say. Yixing is just amused because he never heard anyone refer to his mom as "Saint Zhang" before. By the look of her face, neither has she. She's amused though and kind of blushing while Jongdae is wide eyed as he really doesn't know what to say or do. Yixing can't help but laugh and wrap am arm around Jongdae's waist and pull him close, pressing a kiss on his temple.

"Yixing." Jongdae whines then lowers the tone of his voice. "Not in front of your mom."

"Oh right. Sorry. Mom, please say something. I thought you were OK with me being... you know... into guys and girls."

"Oh." She seemed to react as she sits up straight suddenly or suddenly remembered about something or understood why Yixing will think that she's upset, she frowns. "Of course I'm OK. Its just... I never thought that I'll see you finally dating someone. I always thought that you'll meet someone when you're away at college. Then you'll bring that someone over for the holidays without warning and I'll be angry and upset because you didn't warn me and I could've made extra food and I'll take it out on them or him or her, but really I'll just be angry because they're lovely." Jongdae laughs at that as Yixing just smiles and reaches forward for his mother's hand.

"You're the best mom ever, you know that right?"

"I know. I have the best son ever and I had the best mom ever. I kind of have to be the best mom ever. But I really am happy for you. My precious baby boy is all grown up." Yixing groans and whines as she's suddenly hugging her son really tight against her and cooing at him. He's blushing, she knows it, and Jongdae is laughing as he thinks it's nice. A nice family moment between mother and son. He then frowns but quickly puts a smile on as he's happy. He's happy for Yixing. He should be. "You two are not having sex, are you?" She suddenly says, Jongdae's face goes bright red and looks away. Yixing is finally free and looks at Jongdae, his face bright red as well but also kind of worried. "Oh God. Please tell me you're at least using protection."

"Mom, we're not sleeping together. I mean we share the same bed but I promise you, we haven't... gotten there yet." _I want to. To show Jongdae about sex full of love._ Yixing wants to say but denies against it. _It all falls onto Jongdae's terms._ Yixing doesn't say that either. That may make Jongdae seem bad. "So you're OK with us... being together and stuff?"

His mom's hand stretches out to reach for Jongdae's hand, taking it in hers and giving it a squeeze as she smiles at him. Jongdae just watches as she looks up at Yixing and smiles at him as well. "I'm more than OK with it. Just, you know, don't rush things. Take it a step at a time. Alright? And maybe sleep separately for the time being. I'll feel a little more comfortable if you two didn't sleep so close, since you know, hormones." The two boys nod as they agree, Jongdae and Yixing reaching forward to grab each other's hands, and entwine their fingers together. "Please take care of my son, Jongdae." The silence that fell between the three of them got interrupted by her soft tone. Jongdae just nods, looking up at Yixing who smiles at Jongdae, promising that he'll do the same back with just a glance, turning his head to the side to kiss his mother's head. She takes in a big breath and pats her son's butt to get him to pull away so she can stand, getting the feeling that it's all over and they're all set to go. "Is that all?"

"Um actually." Jongdae stops. Yixing knows why. Jongdae doesn't know how to phrase it though. Neither does he, but he's proud of Jongdae for trying, so he won't speak up about it, knowing that Jongdae wants to do this for himself and without any help. His mom does help though.

"Yes, dear? You can tell me anything."

"Well it's about, my dad. You know about him, right? About what happened to him?" Yixing just stays quiet as his mom slowly nods and pats Jongdae's hand.

-

"So what should I do?" Jongdae asks as he pushes the cart behind Yixing who is looking through the cereal aisle, looking for cereal that all of them would love. Usually chocolate is the best bet. He's not sure if Cocoa Pebbles are better or Cocoa Puffs. They're at the super market now or giant store like Jongdae called it, the one close to Yixing's home, as any minute now his friends are either going to start showing up or bug him with messages about who is going or not, what are they going to do or eat, or if they have to bring anything. He rather focus more on the cereal brand and on Jongdae's conversation right now.

"I don't know." Yixing stops and halting the cart to keep from crashing onto him as he suddenly just stopped without warning. "Just stick to you not telling Jongin right now then. If my mom hasn't said anything and is waiting for someone to speak up about it, I'm sure you have time until you find a way to tell Jongin about his dad."

"I guess, but if I keep it in for a long time and not tell him about it, Jongin may hate me and that's the last thing I want. I also cannot not show up to the apartment anymore. They'll know that something is up."

Yixing steps forward and circles Jongdae's waist with his arms. Jongdae kind of blushes a bit as they're in public but Yixing doesn't care. His gaze is on Jongdae and Jongdae only. "My mom wants you home with me though. She'll take custody of you for the meantime if you really don't want to go home to your mom but if you really think that still renting that apartment will keep people off your back, then-"

"I can ask Veronica to stay there." Jongdae interrupts. The mention of Veronica, loosens the hold around Jongdae's waist as Yixing steps back a little.

"Veronica?"

"You know. The girl who dru-"

"I know who she is. I mean, why her?"

"She may be a bad person but she doesn't deserve the abuse she gets at home and she has nowhere to go. If I can talk to her and ask her to stay there for a while and I continue to pay the rent, I think it will be OK."

"Wouldn't she ask about why you're not staying with her?" Yixing asks, pulling away altogether as he reaches for Cocoa Pebbles instead and puts it in the cart as he starts hauling the cart after him. Jongdae just stays standing in the middle of the aisle as he hasn't thought about that.

"I could stay with her for a few days so she won't get the wrong idea."

Yixing turns and notices that Jongdae is far away from him. He heard him loud and clear thinking that Jongdae was beside him but when he noticed that he was far, he quickly walks over to him to take his hand. "What?"

"I said that maybe I can stay with her for a few days." Yixing doesn't want to come across as jealous but he's jealous. His mom asked Jongdae to live with them for a few days until they get things sorted, _not_ for Jongdae to go home and stay with some girl who wants nothing but to drug Jongdae and possibly sleep with him. Yixing doesn't want him to go. He doesn't want him to risk his life by staying with her but they need to keep up the facade of Jongin's dad still being alive and paying rent and giving Jongin money for whatever he needs. They need to keep up the facade of Jongin's dad working somewhere to pay off the debt he has with some men but luckily Yixing's mom doesn't know about that or she'll call the cops for sure. This is all a very big mess that should not be talked about in the middle of the cereal aisle at the super store so Yixing kisses Jongdae's lip corner and rubs his back.

"I hate to do this, but we should talk about this when we're in private, don't you think?"

"Yeah you're right. Its just bugging me and I know it will keep on bugging me especially when I see Jongin."

"Maybe you can tell him then."

Jongdae gasps a little and pulls away. "Not in front of his friends."

"No, Dae. I mean in private." Yixing says with a laugh. Jongdae laughs too at the mistake then shakes his head.

"I'm not thinking."

"Yes you are." Yixing presses another kiss on Jongdae's temple, his arms finding Jongdae's waist again and giving him a squeeze. "Lets go get the unlimited load of snacks then we'll leave. Cool?"

"Cool." Jongdae nods, pulling away from Yixing and walking towards the cart to push as Yixing holds on the side as they walk out the aisle and head to another. They grab a ton of different chips and maybe some cheese and salsa dips. They grab crackers and cookies and some chocolate candies then they head out as Jongdae comments that at this rate they'll end up buying the whole store. Yixing laughs and leads the way towards the "entertainment" center where Yixing wants to buy the most recent released movie. Jongdae notices some of the clothing they had at his left side, noticing that they're pajamas and he laughs. "Yixing, maybe we should buy sleeping attire since we both sleep in our underwear and you're having company over."

Yixing doesn't seem to get it as he turns then shrugs, finding it as not a big deal. "They sleep in their underwear too."

"So you'll be OK with the both of us walking around in our underwear and your friends staring at us?" Yixing thinks about it. His friends have all seen him practically half naked before but Jongdae is new to the group and he's actually damn hot shirtless and with the tattoo at his side-

"OK yeah. You're going to have to cover up." Jongdae laughs as he turns the cart around to head to the clothes section, Yixing following after him. He then stops as he remembers what Jongdae said. He probably mentioned sleeping with pajamas on as he has a scar and is probably not comfortable showing it to others especially with his brother going to be there. He smiles a little then reaches for Jongdae's belt loops from behind as he hooks his fingers with them and follows after Jongdae. He notices that they have onesies at the side so he stops to laugh out loud as he can picture all of his friends and him and Jongdae wearing them. He knows if he suggests it to Jongdae, he'll be game to buy it. "Jongdae, what about these?" Jongdae turns around to look then laughs out loud as well, reaching forward to touch the dinosaur onesie that caught his eye.

"I'm down if you are."

"Of course I am. And they're on sale too. Let's get them?" Jongdae nods as he reaches for the dinosaur one and throws it in the cart, Yixing reaching for the first few onesies to throw in the cart as well.

-

Yixing can't help but feel an immense amount of love for Jongdae as he sits by the window of the bus and looks out at it, his leg hooked over Yixing's and mouthing along to the song they're listening to. He looks gorgeous just looking out the window. He wants to turn his head to the side and kiss him right there, instead he tightens his hold on Jongdae's hand and smiles at him as Jongdae turns to look at him and smiles back. Butterflies going crazy and not giving a sign of settling down anytime soon. _I'm A fOoL fOr YoU._

-

"This fabric is too hot." Jongdae says as he runs to the kitchen, wearing the onesie, the hood up on his head. Yixing smiles as he's wearing his but Jongdae looks so bright and so bouncy and animated and captivating the room, he has to stop and look at him. "I took off everything except for my underwear."

"I know. I'm not wearing anything underneath either." Yixing says as he pulls the onesie open to show Jongdae nothing but skin and abs and black boxer briefs.

"Mr. Zhang, how naughty of you." Jongdae teases as he steps forward and places his palm over Yixing's abs and starts to tickle. "I didn't know sheep had abs underneath all that." Yixing laughs as he tries to squirm away but Jongdae ends up hugging him from behind and laughing against his ear, kissing the back of his neck as he pulls away. Yixing is quick though as he hugs Jongdae against him and opens his onesie up to expose his chest.

"Says the dinosaur that's covered in tattoos." He leans forward to kiss his chest, but let's him go to show that he won't take it any further. Jongdae just sticks his tongue out after at him, fixing the hood up and buttoning the onesie up.

"Should we just not wear them right now, until later?" He asks, reaching forward to fix Yixing's small tail. Yixing shakes his butt to avoid his tail getting grabbed but Jongdae laughs and smacks his butt to get him to stand still.

"No I like the animal onesie theme. If it gets hot then we'll expose ourselves. Or maybe we should just wear an undershirt." Jongdae clicks his tongue at that, does finger guns and winks at Yixing as he's with him on that. Yixing laughs as he found that random then wraps his hand around Jongdae's finger and starts leading the way to his room to give him an undershirt. Yixing is going through his drawer to find some when the door bell rings and Jongdae walks out to go answer. When he opens it he blushes a little as it's not Jongin or Kyungsoo but Tao and Sehun at the door.

"What's up?" Tao greets, lifting his hand up to greet Jongdae while Sehun is trying to hold back from laughing out loud.

"Who is it?" Yixing asks, now at the door and finding both Tao and Sehun there. "Oh you guys are here already. Come in."

"What are you wearing?" Sehun asks, now laughing out loud towards Yixing than Jongdae, as Yixing pulls Jongdae to the side with him to allow both Tao and Sehun in.

"Onesies, dumbass. What else?" Tao answers with an eye roll, Jongdae laughing as he runs to Yixing's room to grab the other onesies.

"We're having a onesie theme. Choose whatever you want." Yixing says closing the door as Jongdae is holding the packets of the different onsesies in his arms.

"Ooh can I get the panda one?" Tao says as he looks through the small pile. Sehun looks through it too, pulling out the wolf one and stepping to the side to put it on. Yixing watches Jongdae try to help Tao open the packet when his door bell rings again, going to open it again, this time finding Jongin, Kyungsoo, Chanyeol, and Baekhyun. Chanyeol and Jongin are laughing out loud while Kyungsoo just looks amused and Baekhyun comments.

"What are you wearing?"

"Just come in." Yixing, says stepping aside and letting his friends walk in only to find Tao wearing a panda onesie and Sehun wearing a wolf onesie, standing at the corner.

"What the hell kind of sleep over are we having?" Baekhyun asks, Jongin laughing out loud as Jongdae walks in wearing his dinosaur one.

"Hyung!"

"Jongin!" Jongdae yells out, starting to blush again as he's starting to feel a bit ridiculous now.

"What are you wearing?" Jongin asks, stepping forward to touch the onesie, but more like play with the tail. Jongdae laughs out loud as he blushes slightly but let's his brother play with his tail. He ends up pulling it away from him and smacking him with it instead.

"Seriously, what's up with the onesies?" Baekhyun asks but before he can add something else Jongdae comments.

"We're having an animal onesie orgy." He says seriously, Yixing laughs noticing that Sehun blushed a little while Baekhyun gasped a little and narrows his eyes at Jongdae.

"I was going to say that. See we're a lot alike you and I. We can be good friends." Jongdae turns his head to look at Yixing but he shrugs as he notices that Chanyeol brought stuff with him.

"Where's your furniture?" Chanyeol asks as he follows Yixing to his room. "Is your mom going to come home later?"

"No she has work. She had the day off on Monday and on Tuesday she went in at noon, so I'm sure they're making her work late."

Jongdae looks at Jongin and Kyungsoo then at Tao and Baekhyun and then Sehun who is still standing by the corner. "You ask the guests if they want anything to drink or eat, right?" He whispers mostly to Jongin who just laughs then nods, patting his brother's shoulder as he goes away to Yixing's room. "Anyone want anything to eat or drink?"

"I do!" Baekhyun says raising his arm up, Jongdae just ignores him and asks again.

"I do too." Tao says hooking his arm with Sehun's to drag him away from the corner and to the kitchen, Baekhyun wraps his arm with Jongdae's, dragging him to the kitchen too. Jongdae just let's him, hearing Kyungsoo laugh behind him, turning around to glare at him but Kyungsoo only waves and goes to Yixing's room as well. Baekhyun pulls away from Jongdae as he starts looking through the cabinets to look for the plastic cups and plates they bought. Tao brings out the cold drink from the refrigerator and opens it up as Jongdae handed him the cups to pour themselves what they want. He stands awkwardly just watching them when Chanyeol comes running out wearing a white tiger onesie and holding one of them in his arms.

"Baekhyun, I found the perfect one for you!"

"What is it?" Chanyeol holds the onesie in the air to show the whole thing, Sehun and Tao bursting out in laughter as Jongdae snickers at the side. "That's a damn flying squirrel. Since when am I a damn flying squirrel?"

"Since you're useless and all you're capable of doing right is flapping your mouth and since they're good at flapping their wings, you should be it." Kyungsoo says as he walks towards the kitchen as well, wearing a penguin onesie while Jongin is wearing a bear one and trailing after Kyungsoo. They all can't help but laugh out loud at Baekhyun, Jongdae as well, while Yixing just shakes his head in amusement, walking further in the kitchen and towards Jongdae to grab a cup. Jongdae points at which drink he wants but Yixing settles for coke so Jongdae pours him some. They end up whispering about how well Jongdae is doing and being a good host by offering them food or drinks already. Yixing just feels proud of him while Jongdae just blushes a little and denies it.

"So, you two lovebirds, what are we doing?" Baekhyun asks, Jongdae and Yixing turning around to look at the guys in the kitchen and blushing for getting caught whispering.

"Umm. Well, how about a movie first?" Yixing suggests as it's the only thing he can come up with especially with it being barely evening and the sun is still out. He didn't realize that it was early out until seeing the sun out at the backyard.

"OK cool. What movie?" Tao asks, going towards Jongdae to get more of the drink. Jongdae pours some more while everyone else decides on what movie to watch. They end up choosing an action movie and after that another action foreign movie later, the doorbell rings and in walk in both Minseok and Luhan after Sehun opened the door for them. Both Jongdae and Yixing are surprised as they really weren't expecting Luhan to come. Minseok, maybe. But Luhan, no. They even join in on the animal onesie theme, Minseok wearing a cat one while Luhan wears a deer one. It's also no surprise as Luhan kind of looks uncomfortable being there and only showed up because Minseok made him to but Yixing appreciates the effort and thanks him when they're alone in his room putting their stuff away. He just shrugs and walks away, sitting close to Sehun and shoving his hand into the giant bowl of popcorn to get a handful. They're all sitting or laying around with giant bowls of chips and snacks and laying against blankets and pillows but Jongdae is far away and sitting against the wall, kind of avoiding everyone but watching Jongin kind of fight with Tao over the bowl of chips.

"Why don't you sit closer to him?" Yixing whispers against Jongdae's ear, as he sits beside him and grabs his hand. Jongdae just looks at him and shakes his head, probably thinking it's a bad idea if he does. "Why not? You're not doing anything bad."

"I rather sit with you."

"You're a little uncomfortable, aren't you?" Yixing asks, Jongdae very shyly nods and leans forward to lean his head against Yixing's shoulder.

"Want to go outside for a bit?"

"Can I?"

"Yeah I'll go with you."

"No it's fine. Stay." Jongdae says as he gets up and tip toes away towards the kitchen to open the sliding door that leads outside. He slowly opens the door, not to make a lot of noise then slowly closes it to avoid noise again. Yixing peeks up, only to see Jongdae letting out some sort of sigh of relief.

"What's wrong with my hyung?"

"He just needed some air."

"He still can't handle crowds?" Jongin asks. Yixing is surprised a little. He didn't really know that, and that Jongin knew.

"How does he not handle crowds if he goes to punk shows and parties?" Sehun adds, Jongin just looks at him like he may hit him for asking that ridiculous question.

"If he's with people he's comfortable with he can handle it, but since he doesn't really know you guys, he's a bit uncomfortable. I'm going with him. I'll be back." Yixing nods at Jongin and watches him leave but when he turns back to his friends who are left behind he frowns.

"What?"

"He's not out there getting high is he?" Luhan asks, Minseok hits him while Yixing groans and rolls his eyes.

"Honestly Luhan, I was glad you came but if you came just to be mean and judge him then maybe you should leave."

"I would if I could, but I promised Minseok that I'll stay. I'm just asking. Sheesh."

"Honestly Luhan, you act like you don't smoke weed at all. We've all done it, what if he is getting high out there?" Baekhyun defends and Yixing has never loved Baekhyun so much than today. He then turns to look at Yixing. "Is he getting high out there? I could use a hit." Yixing just rolls his eyes then grabs a pillow and hits him across the face with it. Chanyeol ends up laughing out loud but gets abruptly silenced when Baekhyun hits him with a pillow as well. They suddenly break out into a pillow fight, Jongdae and Jongin walking into the scene and watching it unfold as they're hitting each other pretty hard with the pillows and they rather not deal with that. The door bell does ring so both Jongdae and Jongin try to go across the room to go open it, but Jongin gets pushed down so it's up to Jongdae to go open it. When he goes over to open it, he stills as Junmyeon is standing at the door and doesn't seem that happy that Jongdae opened it either. Jongdae looks past Junmyeon, noticing that Kris is making his way over towards the door, holding a bag with him. Junmyeon turns around to look, noticing that Jongdae isn't looking at him anymore, then stills as well. Kris looks up and freezes in place. The three of them not knowing what to do. Yixing walks over and notices, the only thing he can do is invite them both in. They hesitate for a second but walk inside nonetheless, everyone freezing as they notice both Junmyeon and Kris by the door.

"What's with the onesies?" Junmyeon asks.

Yixing just smirks in amusement. "This is going to be an interesting sleep over." He comments only for Jongdae to hear. Jongdae just nods as he agrees.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Honestly I had to add the animal onesie thing. Its mandatory and so so cute and the idea of Jongdae and Yixing wearing nothing under theirs makes me giddy, I don't know why. I'm weird. The song they're listening to on the bus is Zayn's fOoL fOr YoU. It seemed fitting at the time so yeah. My friend made me get an ask.fm thing so if you want to yell at me about anything or kick my ass about slow filler chapters you can go ahead [here](http://ask.fm/piratenat). Once again thank you so so much for the hits and kudos and reading and everything in between. It really really means the world to me. Thank you so much. Have a lovely Easter weekend and week. ^^


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I shouldn't even apologize because I have no excuses and I'm honestly not that proud with this chapter but I had to post it up or it will get forever lost in my abyss of unfinished work. I am sorry though but I hope you like it I guess. Thank you to the lovely anon about Jongdae and "his tail" and Luhan. I said I was going to credit you and credit you I'll do. He didn't straight up whip him though but he did something. Enjoy! ^^

The room is in silence as everyone is now sitting around the living room floor and staring at one another, giving glances to each other to be brave enough to speak up, but no one has the guts to. Yixing being the host doesn't even know what to say and he can't exactly make Jongdae talk either, even though he knows that the awkward silence is making him uncomfortable. He reaches for his hand though to play with his fingers, noticing that Jongin is trying to crack his fingers? on the other side of him. Jongdae ends up pulling away from both of them for a brief second, only to expose his chest to the others and start fanning himself as he's hot. The room is hot and with so many people sitting around on top of pillows and blankets and wearing onesies, Yixing finds it hot as well. He widens his eyes at him and starts giggling. _Jongdae never put on an undershirt as he went to go open the door for Sehun and Tao._

He looks over at his friends to see their reactions but none of them seem to notice yet. He's kind of secretly hoping for Sehun to turn and look and see what Jongdae is doing, but decides that maybe that's a little mean. Still, he leans forward to whisper to Jongdae what he's doing, making him laugh out loud and making all the heads in the room turn to look at him. He starts to blush as he caught the attention of everyone, Sehun blushing a lot, Jongin smacking his hand against Jongdae's exposed skin and laughing out loud, Baekhyun letting out some comment that sounds a bit sexual for Yixing's liking, Luhan glaring but away from Jongdae seeming a bit annoyed, Tao scooting forward and asking if he can see his tattoos, Chanyeol doing the same as he's been wanting one for a while now, and the rest either laughing or just trying to play it off as they don't want to see or notice. Mostly Kris and Junmyeon.

"Did you get new ink, hyung?" Jongin asks, as he tries to look too. Tao is holding Jongdae's onesie open, while Jongdae tries to cover himself, or more like cover his nipples, as he's feeling embarrassed and trying to play it off by laughing.

"No. Its old. The newest one I got is your name and heart." He answers, as Jongin takes his hand to look at it and trace it with his fingers starting to laugh as he remembers something.

"Your name is Kai?" Chanyeol asks but both of the brothers are shaking their heads. Jongdae is sort of squirming and flexing as Tao is trying to get him to sit up straight to look at the tattoo on Jongdae's rib, but it tickles him and he really doesn't feel comfortable being exposed and touched like that, especially with the scar there. Yixing kind of wants to rip Tao's hand away from Jongdae but he doesn't want to come across as the jealous boyfriend especially with Tao's brother, Kris, there. He also wants to shield him from Sehun who keeps somewhat glancing over and blushing, probably getting some sort of ideas in his head knowing how he's like, while Junmyeon is looking too and, _wait- he still somewhat has feelings for Jongdae. Stop looking at him! Kris is right there beside you!_

"Shit Tao. Are you done? You might end up making Yixing jealous if you continue to touch his boyfriend like that." Baekhyun comments, _OK I really, really love Baekhyun again._

"You're just saying that because you're jealous." Tao retorts back, Baekhyun copying him after.

"Yes I am." _OK. I hate you Byun Baekhyun._

"Sorry." Tao apologizes as he looks up at a blushing Jongdae now. "Your tattoos are really interesting. Where did you get them done?" Tao scoots away from Jongdae now, who immediately starts buttoning his onesie up. He clears his throat and looks down at the buttons of the onesie as he doesn't want to make eye contact with anyone right now.

"Umm, prison." He mumbles, Jongin laughing out loud and smacking his brother's back while the others seem to take his answer seriously as they heard him. Once again their attention is on him.

"Really?" Tao asks, but when Jongdae looks up at him and notices that all eyes are on him again, he turns to look at Yixing, asking for help over on what he said or did with just a look.

"You said prison." Yixing whispers, Jongdae's face growing bright red.

"Oh! No. Sorry. I was kidding. I meant a friend of mine who was in prison. The rest I got it done at some tattoo shop a friend of mine owns."

"Where's that at? I've been wanting to get one for a while. Hook me up with a deal?" Chanyeol asks while Tao raises his hand and asks the same thing as well.

"Tao shut up, you wouldn't be able to handle it. Besides, you know mom won't allow you getting a tattoo at all."

"Agh, Yifan. You have one. Why can't I?" Tao whines. Jongdae seems confused as to why Tao called Kris, Yifan. Yixing whispers the answer, Jongdae nodding as he understands now. "I could get a fake one. I don't necessarily have to get a real one."

"That's true." Jongdae says quietly, clearing his throat when once again the attention is all on him. "You could get fake ones done. He doesn't necessarily have to get a real one." Yixing smiles at him, a sense of pride bubbling up inside him while Jongdae doesn't seem confident for speaking up. He clears his throat again, as Luhan, Kris and Junmyeon are watching him, feeling their gazes on him and making his body temperature go hot. No one makes a sound or makes any movement, so Jongdae asks if anyone wants water or anything to drink, the same time he gets up from the floor, avoiding eye contact with everyone, as he walks towards the kitchen.

"I wanna know why Kris and Junmyeon haven't worn their onesie just yet. We're all wearing them. They should wear theirs too." Baekhyun speaks up as he moves to sit up to show off his onesie, flapping his arms to make the "wings" move. "And they're comfortable as hell."

"You got everyone a onesie?" Kris asks Yixing while Junmyeon seemed to ask something at the same time also but Yixing didn't hear him.

"What?"

"You got everyone a onesie?"

"What's with the onesie theme anyway? Why is Baekhyun a flying squirrel?"

Yixing stares at the two. He doesn't know who to answer first so he hopes one of his friends answers for him while he goes to his room to get the remaining onesies and give them to both Junmyeon and Kris, letting them sort it out while he goes to the kitchen to take care of Jongdae. He overhears Kyungsoo telling Junmyeon why Baekhyun is the flying squirrel, laughing as he walks to the kitchen. He finds Jongdae leaning forward against the kitchen sink as if he wants to barf or if he just put water on his forehead, either way Yixing knows that he's really uncomfortable and it's up to him to make him comfortable again no matter what.

"Hey." He says soothingly, moving forward to place his hand against Jongdae's back. He kind of jumps back so Yixing knows that Jongdae is on the edge.

"I can't do it, Yixing. I should leave. I'm just going to end up ruining the night for all of you."

"No, no, no. It's OK. Come here." He grabs Jongdae's hand, going down on his knees in front of him, Jongdae's face going bright red. Yixing can't help but laugh as he tugs on his hand, telling him to get on his kness also and follow him as he crawls underneath the table, pulling Jongdae with him. Somehow the other's voices sound muffled underneath and it's a little dark as well but Jongdae feels OK now, but he is a little confused as to why Yixing made him go there. Yixing clearly reads the question written across his face, giving him a smile. "When I was little I used to be bat shit scared of thunder."

"You?"

"Yeah me." Yixing laughs. "I know you find it hard to believe, I even find it hard to believe sometimes since now it's no longer a big thing, but it's true. I was scared of them and hiding underneath the table was like my haven, so think of it as your safe haven also. Don't you feel a little better?"

Jongdae looks around and nods. "Its probably the table cloth that's helping."

"Yea I think that's it too. It shields everything. Anyway, my grandmother would always find me in here, whenever there was thunder out and my mom wasn't home, she would hide with me and put those really huge headphones on me and just play music until it would stop. It always helped so I think I should do the same to you."

"What's music going to do?"

"Well music does a lot and you're feeling uncomfortable and maybe a little unconfident, so you should listen to something that boosts your confidence up. You're not going to ruin anything. Trust me. Everyone is just uncomfortable because it's the first time that both Kris and Junmyeon are in the same room together after what happened and they don't know how to act or feel or even say to them."

"But Lu-"

Yixing cups Jongdae's face. "He's an ass sometimes and right now he's being it. Just ignore him."

"Isn't he your best friend though? And you're calling him an ass, won't he get mad?" Yixing smiles, patting Jongdae's cheek but prefers to kiss his forehead instead.

"You're so precious, Dae. Who cares if he gets mad. Now, here." Yixing starts to pull out Jongdae's mp3 player out from his pocket, along with some earphones, putting both of them in Jongdae's ears. He lowers the volume a little just in case, goes through the songs and picks one that he thinks will give him confidence or at least makes him laugh. He can hear a muffled guitar riff followed with some drumming and when a female starts to sing, he smiles as he sees a grin spreading across Jongdae's face then laughs out loud.

"How do you know about this song?"

"I came across it one time trying to find music that reminds me of you and that song came out and, well you know the rest. I also noticed that it was one of the most played songs on your mp3 when I went through your music once so I figured it must be one of your faves." Jongdae suddenly kisses him on the lips, a smile on his face as he replays the song again, putting an earphone in Yixing's ear so he could listen too. Its not a song that he is into or the type of genre that he's into at all but if Jongdae likes it and it made him laugh, he'll give it a shot. The fast guitar riff starts again, followed with drumming that Chanyeol would love to do one day, then a woman, possibly a teenage girl starts to sing or more like complain, but it sounds good to him and the lyrics makes him laugh, Yixing can see why Jongdae would get his confidence up with this. It's definitely a song that Jongdae would listen to all the time to give everyone his "fuck you and fuck everyone" attitude he first had when he first saw him. Its a hate song towards someone and Jongdae definitely has hatred towards some people. Or at least have that sort of attitude towards those who hurt him. "I so give you permission to mess with Luhan if he's mean to you for the rest of the night." Jongdae just laughs, then presses another kiss onto Yixing's lips. They end up crawling out as soon as the song ends, feeling way better now than they were before.

They walk back into the living room, both Junmyeon and Kris wearing the onesies, Jongdae can't help but laugh out loud at how funny they both look. Junmyeon wearing the giraffe onesie, while Kris wears the bunny one. Yixing finds it funny too, a little ironic but he doesn't want to emphasize it. He sees Jongdae trying so hard to stay quiet but he can't as his laughter just gets more and more that the others can't help but laugh too.

"What's so funny?" Baekhyun whines, who was laying down on his side and propping his head up on his hand, poking Yixing's ankle. "Tell us."

"Kris is a bunny and Junmyeon a giraffe." Yixing says through laughs, the others understanding the joke while mostly Junmyeon and Kris don't get it.

"So? That's the only two you had." Junmyeon answers, looking down at the onesie. Sehun suddenly understands, and starts to laugh as he claps his hands also, followed with Tao who just laughs out loud, his laughter probably filling the whole house. Kris seems to get it now, as he blushes and covers his face with his hand. If anything, he's more of the giraffe while Junmyeon is more of the bunny. Kris is bigger while Junmyeon is smaller than all of them. He now gets what everyone was laughing about, grumbling how they're all dumb and idiots, unbuttoning the onesie up to take it off and switch with Kris. When the laughter dies down along with the jokes, Chanyeol and Baekhyun ask if they can play a game, Yixing agreeing, but neither of them know what to play and it's too early, and Yixing _knows_ he'll get jealous if he or any of them ask or suggest if they can play something childish like Spin The Bottle or Truth Or Dare. He's not sure he'll be able to handle watching someone else kiss Jongdae. Especially when Jongdae is really really good at doing it.

"How about musical chairs?" He suggests, everyone sharing a look then shrugging as it's better than nothing.

"You don't have 11 chairs though." Minseok says, standing up to stretch, Luhan reaching for him to pull him back down to sit beside him and not leave him alone, but Minseok steps away and goes to the kitchen where both Jongdae and Yixing are still standing by. He decides to get up and follow Minseok, glaring at Jongdae a little as he passes by him, Jongdae just snorts. That's not threatening to him at all and doesn't do anything while Luhan is being childish. Minseok feels Luhan's hand on his back, turning to look at him. "You should have just stayed over there. I was going to bring you something anyway." Yixing doesn't want to hear what Luhan has to stay, so he grabs onto Jongdae's arm and pulls him with him towards the living room where everyone is sort of pushing the blankets and pillows to the side while the others are looking for chairs.

"Want to be in charge of the music?" Yixing asks, stopping in the middle of the living room, but Jongdae shakes his head.

"Nah. I think I'll play. You have their taste of music anyways so you should be it."

"I kind of want to play though and beat you."

Jongdae laughs. "What does the winner get?"

"Hopefully a kiss from you." Yixing answers, Jongdae scrunching up his face as Yixing is being cheesy.

"So if someone else wins, do I have to kiss them?"

"Hell no." Yixing wraps his arms suddenly around Jongdae's waist and presses him close. Jongdae just laughs and blushes knowing very well that the others are looking and about to tease the two of them. "Only I get that reward."

"OK deal. Kiss good luck before the game and then a kiss for the beating for after."

"Beating?"

"Yeah. 'Cause I'm so totally going to beat your ass." Jongdae pulls away from Yixing and puts on a game face as he's confident he's going to win. He starts throwing different finger movements at him as he's trying to look cool, but is kind of failing.

Yixing just laughs. "I didn't know you had an ass beating kink. You're so going to get it after I win." He suddenly smacks Jongdae's thigh, Jongdae wincing as Yixing hit him pretty hard but he laughs anyway as they're both totally joking around but being serious about wining the other. Yixing likes this side too. Where they can be competitive and playful at the same time.

"We'll see." Jongdae says. "We'll see." Adding a "I'm watching you" kind of movement, going towards Jongin who called him over. Yixing just smirks at him as he's pretty sure he's going to win. He looks over as he heard someone call out his name, noticing that it's Kris and is by the door, beckoning him over.

"What's up?"

"I think I'm going to head out."

"What? Why?"

"I don't really have any business here. I just wanted to stop by for a bit since it's been a while that I see you guys. Especially you. Especially since now you have someone and you rather be with that someone, so it's hard to see you around."

Yixing blushes at that. "Yeah sorry. I don't know, I just-"

"You look really happy with him and you seem to care about him a lot. I'm sorry I doubted him. He's not the guy everyone says he is." Kris says quietly, looking over at Jongdae while Yixing does the same. He though, can't help but smile or grin as he is really happy, while Kris looks more a bit apologetic.

"He actually respects you. I'm sure it will mean something when he finds that out."

Kris frowns a bit. "Yeah Tao kept telling me that but I honestly wasn't sure what he meant by it. I don't get why he respects me to be honest. We never really hung out."

"There's just something about you that everyone should or just respects. But anyway, you can't be going now. Not when you brought a bag over full with clothes and other whatevers for you to use for the night." Yixing says seriously as he crosses his arms across his chest. He even gives Kris a challenging look as he raises his eyebrow at him, waiting for him to give him a poor excuse.

Kris just smiles sheepishly. Scratching the back of his head as he does so. "Alright fine. I was thinking of sleeping over, but-"

"Junmyeon is here and you're not sure if he even wants you here in the first place?"

"Exactly." Kris says it so quietly, Yixing could have missed it. He looks over to where Junmyeon is laughing about something that Baekhyun said, while Jongdae is sort of hiding in the kitchen again, or probably playing good host again and pouring drinks for the others.

"Yeah, about that. You two should talk. I'll even suggest playing 7 minutes in heaven and you guys can go to my room to talk or something." Kris smiles at that, but it doesn't reach his eyes. "He really misses you, but he doesn't know if you even want to be friends with him since you told him to stay away. I think it's just miscommunication between the two of you. It just needs to be talked about in order to fix it."

"I really hurt him though because of that. I doubt he'll want anything from me after I said that to him."

"You never know. Sometimes the ones who have been hurt the most are the ones who are quick to forgive." Yixing glances over at Jongdae who is now laughing, as Kyungsoo and Jongin are working hard on trying to make him laugh. He appreciates the fact that they're sticking with him when he's not that comfortable yet with the rest. His confidence is up but he's still being a bit hesitant.

"You say that like you have experience." Kris speaks up, looking at Yixing who keeps on looking at Jongdae.

"Its something I want him to learn. He's been hurt a lot but he's at least giving things and people a chance. He just needs to accept and forgive and he'll finally be happy like he deserves to."

"I'm sensing you're talking about someone else, and I won't ask about who. But it makes sense, I guess. I'll stay. If he wanted me out, he would've said something right?" Kris asks, a smile on his face once again, this one reaching his eyes.

"Yup. Or would've sent Sehun to kick you out." They both laugh, Yixing tapping Kris' back to walk further in the living room to join the others, but Yixing has something in mind. "Is your mom finally cool with you being, you know-"

"Gay?" Yixing nods. "Nah. But she should be, sooner or later, right? I have a thing for guys, and Junmyeon… I'm hoping we can have something at least, and if I'm happy she should be happy that I am, right?" Yixing nods again. "She's going to have to learn that."

"That's right. She doesn't have to, I guess be fully OK with that fact, but at least accept the fact that you're happy or going to be happy with a man in your life."

"Exactly." Kris claps Yixing's shoulder suddenly and grins. "God, it feels good talking to you again, Yixing. You make people feel good." Yixing just snorts a little and blushes, pushing the comment aside and somewhat pushing Kris to the living room, commenting that he can be in charge of the music since he's not that good at dancing or musical chairs. Kris just tells him that he'll remember that and won't forget it, using that as a threat that he'll do something to him someday. Yixing just laughs. Kris would never do anything to him.

-

After 20+ rounds of musical chairs, and Jongdae using his "big ass", but mostly his tail to push or whip Luhan off of a chair at least 10 times, Yixing decides to play something else or suggests something else as Luhan looks like he's ready to attack or murder Jongdae any second now. The others are oblivious on what's going on between them, but Yixing can see the murderous looks Luhan is giving at Jongdae while Jongdae's eyes twinkle in mischief or just straight up winks at Luhan, probably to just mess with him. _If looks could kill._ Yixing just thinks. _Luhan would be a psychotic murderer. He killed Jongdae at least 20 million times already in just a small time span._ He even pulled Jongdae to the side and asked him not to do anything else because if Luhan is set on attacking someone or murdering them, he'll do it. Jongdae just laughs and reminds him that he was the one that did in fact encouraged Jongdae to do anything to Luhan if he continues being a shit to him, and also Luhan is nothing to be afraid of. Jongdae has been through worse. Yixing just stays quiet as he's right. He wishes he wasn't though.

"Please Jongdae? I honestly would rather have you messing with Sehun and Junmyeon finding out since I'm sure Kris would say or do something to him if he launches himself at you. With Luhan, I'm afraid of what he can do."

"Fine. I'm sorry. I'll stop. But maybe then we'll finally settle the shit we got going on."

"Maybe. But I rather you not. I rather have you two hating each other right now than fighting until one of you becomes unconscious." Jongdae just laughs and nods, Yixing holding both of his hands in his, bringing him forward for a kiss. They go back to the living room and sit on the floor as they're now trying to figure out on what to do now since the musical chairs game got stopped. It got a bit darker out but the sun is not down yet and they still haven't ordered their food yet. Yixing feels bad as they don't have anything to do but at least it's better than most sleep overs he's had before. They always end up watching movies and playing video games and walking around in their underwear, while today they're all in the living room hanging out and wearing onesies and just got done playing musical chairs. Better than nothing.

"Let's just play spin the bottle or dare. We were going to wind up playing anyway." Baekhyun says, getting up from the floor to go grab an empty bottle from the kitchen. Yixing does not miss the hesitation some of his friends had when the games got mentioned. He notices that Jongdae stiffened for a second but quickly pushed it away as Luhan is once again glaring daggers at him and Jongdae's eyes are twinkling like the stars in the night sky and a mischievous smirk is spread on his lips. _Oh no._

"I don't mind playing, but I hope I don't end up kissing him." There's emphasis on the word him. Almost venomous. It makes Yixing's stomach queasy while it makes Jongdae laugh.

"Like if I'm dying to kiss you. But who knows, maybe I'll like it and so will you." The room is quiet as their attention is caught between Luhan and Jongdae. Yixing should stop it but maybe this may be a way for the two of them to resolve their conflict. Kiss and make up. Even though they never "made up" in the first place.

"Fuck you."

"You know you would." Jongdae smirks. Yixing oddly finds the smirk attractive but he's angry. He should be angry.

"No one is fucking anyone. Especially you, Kim Jongdae." He threathens but it only makes Jongdae laugh.

"You swear I'll let him." Jongdae whispers, Yixing giggling as Jongdae leans forward and kisses his cheek. _Damn Kim Jongdae for making me seem like a school girl with a school girl crush._

"The only thing Yixing is useful for in the relationship is putting his bitch on check."

"Luhan!"

"Jongdae!" Yixing hears Minseok call out Luhan's name while he called out for Jongdae's who is now straddling Luhan and pinning him down on the floor. He's pretty sure Jongdae pulled out a dagger somewhere in between but it's probably his imagination. He looks closely, trying to get his boyfriend off of his best friend and sees that he's wrong. He let's out a sigh of relief on that and feels a little guilty for thinking like that, but trying to pull Jongdae off is more important. Kris and Chanyeol are trying to get him off of Luhan also, Tao is trying to rip Jongdae's hands away from Luhan's onesie, while Jongin is screaming at his brother to let go. Apparently Luhan has his hand around Jongdae's onesie too and Minseok is yelling at Luhan to behave.

"Holy shit!" Baekhyun comments, Yixing realizing that no one has said anything. Not even Luhan and Jongdae, who are still holding onto each other.

"Holy shit is right. That was so fast."

"Sehun, shut up." Junmyeon scolds, trying to keep Sehun away, Yixing is not sure for what though.

"Jongdae, please let go. Ignore him." Yixing whispers against his ear but Jongdae seems to pin Luhan onto the ground even harder now.

"Hit me, punk ass bitch. Unless you need Yixing's permission to do so."

"Luhan, shut the fuck up!" Minseok yells, Luhan laughing now as he twists his hand tighter onto Jongdae's onesie to bring him down to him some more, almost as if using the onesie to choke him.

"That's what you've been wanting all night, huh? I'll gladly hit you but I've been playing good boy this whole time to ruin it now. I'll hit you some other time and I swear I won't hesitate to do so. But you're going to apologize to Yixing first."

"Why should I?"

"Jongdae, no. He doesn't have to. Just leave it. Come on, let go." Yixing pleads but Jongdae ignores him.

"You've been nothing but a shitty friend to him all night. I may deserve it but he doesn't, so apologize. Especially since you're his so called best friend and haven't been acting like it."

"Is that what this is about? Are you mad because I won't approve of you and him together?"

"I could give two shits if you care or not. You have so much pride on being a good friend to him when really you haven't been it at all, then you come here and try to start shit with me? I've seen what you've been trying to do. So apologize. Right now. He doesn't deserve that."

Luhan doesn't like it, but he realized something. "Fine! Get the fuck off me." He says angrily, almost through clenched teeth as Jongdae moves to get off of him. He ends up backing away from him as Yixing stands beside him and hooks his arm with his in order to stop him if he decides to launch himself at Luhan again.

"Yixing, I'm sorry. Minseok did made me come over tonight but I was the one trying to start shit with Jongdae all night. I'm sorry. I shouldn't have. I know you said to play nice when you invited us over but I don't know. I just couldn't help it. You don't have to forgive me but I hope you know that I really am sorry even if I don't want you with him at all. I'm just looking out for you."

"Luhan-"

"If you want I'll be leaving now."

"No." Yixing says, turning his head around as he notices that Jongin is taking his brother outside, along with Kyungsoo. Jongin and Kyungsoo can handle it. He needs to talk to Luhan, so he takes him outside the front door to talk. He just sighs as he doesn't know where to begin, the door closed now, while Luhan leans back on the wall, his arms folded across his chest.

"Yixing, I'm sorry. But I do have to admit though that the mother fucker is quick. I didn't see him coming at me." Yixing just glares, Luhan putting his hands up now in surrender. "Sorry."

"I just... I want you guys to like him but it's not working out. Everyone is kind of awkward in there."

"Its Kris and Junmyeon and maybe a little of him." There's emphasis on 'him' again but Yixing ignores it.

"Can you at least try? I mean Baekhyun and Chanyeol are trying, even with Baekhyun kind of flirting with him but whatever he's like that. Tao is friendly with him."

"Too friendly." Luhan adds, meaning that Tao kept touching Jongdae when he was looking at the tattoos.

Yixing breathes out a yeah. "At least he's trying. Minseok is being friendly, Sehun is being shy around him, Junmyeon is at least not trying to beat him up and Kris is finally OK with him and I. I want you to be OK with me and him together too. You know out of everyone, I'll always prefer your opinion."

"I know, but Yixing... I don't want you to get hurt because of him."

"You saw what he did to you in there. He made you apologize. _To me._ I didn't even know what you were trying to do but if he made you apologize, it's because he's looking out for me as well. And not just me looking out for him."

Luhan sighs, standing up straight now as he leans away from the wall now. "Fine. I'll try. Again. But if he does anything to hurt you, I swear I won't hesitate to kick his ass."

"I don't know, he did kind of pinned you down so fast-"

"Shut up!" Luhan yells out, smacking his friend on the arm. Yixing just laughs as he rubs the spot then hugs Luhan. He believes they'll be able to get along. Not soon, but later on.

-

Yixing is biting his tongue as Baekhyum dares Jongdae to kiss Sehun. Junmyeon looks like he's ready to burst, while Jongdae is just looking at him and sort of asking him to help him out of this one, but Yixing can't do anything about it. He got "dared" that any dare involving Jongdae with any of them has to be allowed throughout the whole game. He can't speak up about it or stop it or anything. He has to allow it. Some he's OK with, but it's mostly Jongdae who just keeps looking at him and sort of seeking permission as he's not sure if Yixing is or will be OK with some of the dares he has to do, Yixing just bites his tongue or the inside of his lip instead. He nods at him though, maybe the kiss will make Sehun realize his actual feelings towards Jongdae as he thinks he has a crush on him, but maybe he really just wants to be friends with him.

"You have to do tongue though!" Baekhyun adds, Chanyeol laughing and clapping maniacally as Tao laughs out loud and encourages Sehun to just do it. Sehun is blushing and turning so red, Yixing thinks he might explode while Jongdae is sort of begging Baekhyun if he can not do it.

"Yixing and I are together and he's right there. I can't do that to him."

"He got dared to be OK with everything you do, so he'll be OK with it. Right, Yixing? You don't think of it as him cheating on you?" Baekhyun asks him, an evil, Yixing thinks it's evil, smile on his face. He just nods as Jongdae is whining and saying no.

"Noooooo I can't do that to him." Baekhyun suddenly wraps his arms around Jongdae's neck, trying to kiss his cheek as Jongdae moves back and tries to push him off.

"Kiss me instead then. You are so cute!"

"Fine I'll kiss… him." Jongdae says loudly, mostly over Baekhyun, as he's sort of squealing and trying hard to kiss Jongdae on the cheek.

"Sehun." Jongin answers, amused at what his brother and one of his best friends are going to do.

"Yeah him." Jongdae adds, moving to the middle of the circle as Sehun gets pushed by Tao. Everyone is quiet and holding their breaths, possibly, as Jongdae sort of positions Sehun right to kiss him. Sehun is blushing so much, feeling Jongdae's hand behind his head. They're hesitating, everyone's patience, but mostly Tao's, running thin as he's the only one that yells out for them to hurry up.

"Do it Sehun! Jesus, hurry up and get it over with already!"

"Tao, please. This takes patience." Baekhyun whispers as Chanyeol laughs beside him. Jongdae moves back, everyone groaning at him for moving away but moves forward again, his hand finding Sehun's hair and sort of angling his head to the side as his lips press onto Sehun's. Sehun doesn't know what to do for a second, but his hand finds the back of Jongdae's head also while the other goes onto his waist. Screams and laughs and cheers get erupted, while Junmyeon and Yixing are watching, probably hoping for the kiss to get over with already. Jongdae ends up moving away and wiping his hand over his lips, going to Yixing to hug him tight and apologize. Yixing just smiles and pulls him into a kiss of his own as the others cheer again and tease them for being jealous or whatever. Yixing doesn't care. He just wants Jongdae's lips on his. There's more dares of Jongdae involving the others but Yixing thinks his favorite one so far is of Jongdae sitting on Luhan's lap to make up for what happened earlier. Jongdae has to feed Luhan pizza while he does the same to Jongdae. Luhan seemed so uncomfortable, it was hilarious and Yixing couldn't help but laugh out loud. He also couldn't stop laughing either, even when it was far over. He also finds that Jongdae and his friends are becoming more comfortable around each other, so maybe the sleep over wasn't a waste at all.

Playing Truth Or Dare or mostly Dare gets finished quickly with Tao taking off all of his clothes, thanks to Baekhyun and Chanyeol, and staying in his boxers for complaining or whining about something. Now that the game is over though someone suggests something else they can do but it's actually Sehun suggesting Spin The Bottle with 7 Minutes In Heaven. Yixing just groans as he can't believe they've gone back to middle school days. Whoever gets picked for spin the bottle has to go to the bathroom, or the laundry room, as Yixing thinks it's better, and kiss or do whatever for 7 minutes. At least maybe then he'll get 7 whole minutes with Jongdae alone and just kiss him as he misses him. They haven't really been kissing or being touchy or together the whole night. He can also make sure that Kris and Junmyeon get picked also so they can at least talk.

Jongdae suggests "suck and blow", Baekhyun liking the sound of that but when Jongdae explains what it is, Baekhyun groans and sticks with the kissing game as suck and blow is mostly the paper kissing game, only some people call it like that because it sounds appealing. Yixing admits that it does get people's attention but he rather have 7 minutes with Jongdae. He also thinks that maybe Sehun would love 7 minutes with him as well as he was the one who mentioned it. They're maybe having way too much fun now.

They sit in a circle, Jongdae on the other side of Yixing and smiling at him as Yixing smiles back, waiting for whoever to spin the bottle. By luck it lands on both Kris and Junmyeon, everyone cheering or chanting for the two of them to go to the laundry room, but Kris drags Junmyeon away to Yixing's room instead, the cheering getting louder as things might get hot between the two of them. Especially since they're in a bedroom, but when the doors close they all quiet down and comment on how they hope that Kris and Junmyeon work things out. Yixing follows Jongdae to the kitchen instead, watching him throw trash away in the thrash bag and pouring unfinished soda drinks down the drain to throw the cups. When he turns to look at him, he smiles.

"Why are you watching me? Come help me."

"Of course, King Jongdae."

"What? King Jongdae?" Jongdae asks as he laughs out loud, throwing some plates away.

"You're King Jongdae since you're bossing me around." Yixing jokes, throwing what seems to be dirty napkins that were on the table.

"Sure whatever, squire." Jongdae jokes back, sticking his tongue out a little to show he's teasing. Yixing fake gasps but licks his lips then leans forward to bite the tip of Jongdae's tongue. Jongdae just laughs as he sticks his tongue back in to get a kiss on the lips instead.

"I hope we get picked. I'm dying to have 7 minutes with you."

"Just 7 minutes?"

"Well, more, but they'll suspect something." Jongdae nods as he agrees. They grow quiet as Jongdae hands him the trash bag, looking for the broom to start sweeping now. "Are you having fun, Jongdae?"

Jongdae turns to look. He nods his head and goes back to sweeping. "I think the whole dare thing opened us up more, don't you think?"

"Yeah. I'm sorry I couldn't say anything to stop them. I know you really didn't want to do them."

"Its fine. I just actually wanted your approval. I wasn't sure if you were or going to be OK with me doing them. I don't want you to think of me as some sort of cheater or something."

"Oh, Dae. You're so precious. I mean, yeah I didn't like you kissing Sehun like that, but I know you're not that type of guy. Don't worry."

"OK good. Just making sure." Jongdae says, smiling as he's glad Yixing doesn't and won't think of him that way. He starts to move the chairs away from the table to sweep underneath, when Minseok and Luhan walk into the kitchen.

"Yixing, what are we doing after this?"

"We should watch movies after."

"Yeah. Good idea. Its already dark out to watch movies in the dark now."

"Its been dark out." Luhan says, Yixing groaning as that's not what he meant. He pushes it aside though.

"Never mind. What do you guys want to see?"

"Lets watch Iron Man." Luhan says, raising his hand as Minseok groans.

"We watch it all the time."

"So? Its a good movie."

"Yea it is." Jongdae mumbles, Yixing laughing as Jongdae made a big old deal last time that Iron Man is such a great hero movie when they talked about super heroes.

"He likes Iron Man."

"You like Iron Man?" Luhan asks, Jongdae nodding. Yixing smiles as he thinks this is a perfect opportunity for the two of them to get along. They both like the same super hero, but Jongdae's phone rings and Baekhyun and Chanyeol are walking into the kitchen also, Baekhyun asking who wants to be the next two couples to go kiss. Yixing watches Jongdae though as he seems confused about something but also starts to frown. _Something is wrong._ He walks over, Jongdae dragging him with him as they step outside and close the sliding door behind them. He puts the phone away from the speaker as he explains to Yixing.

"Something is wrong with Veronica."

"What's wrong?"

Jongdae shrugs, as he whispers, "She's a bit hysterical right now. She's crying." He goes back to talking to her on the phone, Yixing trying to listen as he's sure Jongdae doesn't want to put her on speaker or the others will hear. "Veronica, it's OK. I'll meet you there. Don't worry. I'll be right over." He hangs up the phone and shoves the phone back into his pocket.

"What happened?"

"Apparently the guys who are after me, found her and well... she's scared. I'm going to go meet her at my work. She's there right now. I'm sorry, Yixing. I need to go help her."

"Wait, wait, wait! I'll go with you." Yixing stops him as Jongdae was about to open the sliding door to go back inside.

"I don't know if that's a good idea. She doesn't know about us and I'm sure she'll flip if she sees me with you."

"That doesn't matter. If something happened to her we can take her to my mom. Let me go with you."

"What about your friends and the sleep over?"

"They'll be alright. Let's just go." Yixing quickly grabs Jongdae's hand and opens the door as they rush inside, Yixing explaining that he has an emergency with Jongdae while he closes the door behind him. They're obviously asking what's up but they don't explain, both running to the living room to head out the front door, Jongdae yelling at Jongin that he'll be back. As soon as their shoes are on and grabbed what they needed, they run out, Yixing closing the door behind him.

"Yixing, wait! I'll take you guys!" Luhan yells out as Yixing yells at Jongdae to come back so they can get in his car.

-

Jongdae rushes inside, looking around for Veronica frantically and finding her at the corner as she quickly rushes to him and hugs him. She looks upset. Really upset. Yixing wasn't sure that Veronica was able to ever look like that. Yet alone be a witness to it. She doesn't seem like she's hurt anywhere but her eyes being red and puffy shows that it could have affected her emotionally. Jongdae pulls away though to get a full look of her. "Are you OK? They didn't hurt you did they?"

"No. They didn't touch me. I just... they pulled a knife out on me and I thought they were going to use it but it was just a scare tactic thing. I'm so glad you're here." She hugs Jongdae again, but pulls away as she notices what he's wearing. "What are you wearing?"

Jongdae blushes as he moves away. "Umm. I was at a sleep over. I'm here now though. I won't leave you." He hugs her again as she nods then finally notices that Yixing is there.

"Oh. You were with him."

"Umm yeah. Listen, I don't think you should go home. I think you should stay with me." He says, pulling away from her but holds her hand. Yixing feels something in him drop. This is hurting more than the whole Sehun and his boyfriend kissing thing.

"Jongdae."

He turns to look at Yixing and frowns. "I'm sorry, Yixing. I think it would be best." Yixing grabs his hand and pulls him aside, away from Veronica and close to the restrooms. He doesn't know what to say but let's Jongdae explain why he should go with her. Deep down he thinks that's best too. "I don't think she should go home or her parents will give her shit for whatever. Is that alright? You're OK with it, right?"

Yixing frowns, feeling Jongdae wrap his arms around his waist. "To be honest, no. But you're right. She shouldn't be around any negativity or whatever. Take care of her. Text me when you get wherever or if anything comes up."

"Yeah I will. Are you going to be alright?" Jongdae asks. Yixing is pouting, sort of, and it makes Jongdae smile as he thinks it's cute.

"Yeah. But I'll miss you and I'll just think negatively about you being alone with her and possibly those guys going to your house. What if you bring her over to my place?"

"She'll freak out and your friends will freak out with her being there."

"You're right."

"Shit, I forgot about Jongin." Jongdae's waist getting hugged by Yixing now. He completely forgot that he told him that he'll be back.

"Don't worry. I'll handle it and tell him what happened. I'm gonna go, OK?"

"Yeah. I'll go buy her some food." Jongdae grows quiet as he looks down. Yixing moves away to lift Jongdae's head up to look him in the eyes.

"What?"

"I'm sorry about this. I know you want me there, but I can't leave her like that."

Yixing nods. "No it's ok. Don't worry. Its something you have to do. I know of it was me you'll drop everything in order to be with me or help me. Just... you know..."

"Be careful?" Jongdae suggests and Yixing nods. He pulls him into a hug and hugs him tight then kisses his lips as Yixing walks out the door and Jongdae goes over to Veronica to buy her something to eat or drink.

"Where's your boyfriend at?" Luhan asks as soon as Yixing gets in the passenger side. He closes the door and puts his seat belt on, waiting for Luhan to drive off.

"He's staying. He has to take care of someone right now."

"Why do you look so down then? Did he do something?" Luhan asks, big hero tone on display, as he's now driving away, Yixing sighs as he looks out the window. He's bummed out but this is right. This was the right thing to do.

"No, he didn't do anything. He just decided to stay and help out his ex."

"His ex? He has an ex?"

Yixing nods. "She's not really an ex but she's… something to him." Yixing stops then continues. "There's a lot you don't know about him."

"Then tell me."

"Its not really my place."

"I know it's not, but if you're bummed about it then it must be because it means something. So tell me. Whats the big 'emergency' that you go with him and then he decides to stay?"

Yixing sighs then shifts in his seat to look at Luhan and give him his undivided attention. "What I'm about to tell you, you can't tell anyone else. Alright? And I'm serious about it. You can't tell anyone, Luhan. Not even Jongin."

"Alright. I swear." Luhan lifts his right pinky up then twists it with Yixing's. Yixing sighs again then starts telling Luhan everything he knows about Jongdae and Veronica.

-

"You guys are back!"

"Where's my hyung at?" Yixing hears Jongin ask, as him and Luhan walk through the front door, looking miserable and pretty much giving everyone the wrong idea that something horrible happened but Yixing is just down because they left Jongdae behind and Luhan maybe is starting to see Jongdae and Jongin differently now.

"He stayed behind to help his friend out." Yixing answers. Going on the floor to lay down and kind of scream into a pillow, but he doesn't. He holds it in.

"Why do you look so miserable then?" Kris asks, Yixing looks up and notices that he's sitting beside Junmyeon and holding his hand. _At least they finally worked things out._ He sits up also, looks at Luhan who seems to not know how to feel at the moment, then looks at Jongin who is smiling, waiting for Yixing to explain why he's miserable.

"He stayed behind to help his ex out."

"His ex?"

"He has an ex?"

"Veronica?" Yixing only hears Jongin's answer and nods.

"What did she do now?" Jongin asks as if she's done something like this before and Jongdae is always the one to go over and help her with whatever, only for it to be fake.

"She apparently got threatened by some men or more like some men used her to get to Jongdae." Yixing watches Jongin and notices that his eyes go wide and Kyungsoo is sort of elbowing him to get him to talk. He looks at Kyungsoo and frowns but Kyungsoo places a hand on his shoulder and encourages him to speak up. Jongin sighs then looks up at Yixing.

"Please don't hate me or anything for keeping this in and I've been meaning to ask for your help but I didn't know how to ask or phrase it but-" Jongin stops to sigh then scoots forward towards Yixing and grabs both of his hands in his. Yixing is starting to get a weird feeling in his stomach. "I didn't want to tell my hyung because I know it will kill him but can you please help me on telling him?"

"Telling him what?"

"Our mom is dying."

"What?" Yixing suddenly groans as his stomach is hurting like crazy. He's thinking about Jongdae. Jongin is right. This is going to kill him and his stomach is hurting at the thought of Jongdae, _his Jongdae_ , losing it because his mother is dying. Jongdae who acts like he doesn't care about his mother at all but really all he wants is for his mother to love him back and the thought of her dying is going to kill him. The thought of her dying and never accepting or loving Jongdae like he wants to is making his stomach hurt, and something else hurt. Something deep inside as he just pictures Jongdae becoming a wreck. Jongdae has been through a lot and it seems like he's going to go through more with this. He's silently hoping for it to be fake but Jongin is always serious and wouldn't lie about things like this. Jongdae is hiding something from Jongin and it seems like Jongin is hiding something from Jongdae. Yixing can't help but cry now. A few tears trialing down his face as he thinks about both of the brothers being alone now and Jongdae taking responsibility about everything. "Its going to kill him."

"I know." Yixing notices that Jongin is crying now. "I didn't want to tell him anything because I know how he'll get. I don't want him to work himself up or wreck himself up for this. He acts like he doesn't care about her but deep down he's dying for her to tell him that she loves him. He sort of thinks of her as invincible but she's dying and there's nothing we can do about it." Yixing can't help but pull Jongin into a hug as the two silently cry as they think about Jongdae. They're always thinking about Jongdae. Yixing feels his friends huddle around them as they give them a group hug. If only Jongdae was in between the two of them, he'll know that he won't be alone when they tell him about his mother.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> One of the first versions of this story, Jongin was a little 5 year old along with Sehun, Tao, and Kyungsoo, Yixing was in college working as a part time dance instructor for kids, Jongdae was in high school and loved to smoke the smoke out at Baekhyun's face while they hid behind the gym wall to smoke and Chanyeol would strum his guitar with a cigarette in his mouth. I felt like sharing that. Lol.
> 
> -Thank you so so much for the lovely comments I've received. For the kudos and the hits and everything in between. I seriously don't know how to prove that they mean the world to me. Thank you so so much for even reading or glancing at it. I hope I'm doing justice. Send me questions or whatever on ask.fm if you have any questions about the story. I'll gladly answer them **[here!](http://ask.fm/piratenat)** ^^ Have a wonderful day and week!-


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I seriously owe you guys a double, or triple update on this. I'm so sorry. If you have anything in mind for me to make it up to you guys, anything at all, please do not hesitate on letting me know. I sincerely apologize. I'm sorry it's once again another filler chapter type thing, and after some writer's block, things will pick up. Hopefully. I hope you like it though. Enjoy! ^^

Yixing leaned against Luhan's hood of the car Monday morning, groaning as Luhan "scolded" him on how he wasn't happy with him right now for letting Jongdae hurt him. He didn't let Jongdae hurt him. He just let Jongdae spend the whole weekend with Veronica while Yixing stayed home and grew worried about him. Jongdae texted him Friday night, the day of the sleep over, telling him that he brought her to his place and that everything was ok and that was it. On Saturday morning he texted him that he had work both Saturdy and Sunday and that was it, but later that day, Baekhyun apparently saw a Facebook post about Jongdae, and how after work he and Veronica went to some party or some show. Baekhyun and Chanyeol dragged him out to some party to forget about Jongdae being with her Sunday night, and was hoping for them to run into him, but Jongdae was nowhere to be found. Now Monday morning, and Yixing waiting for almost an hour for Jongdae, as he showed up really early to school, to show up and didn't, Luhan dragged him to the parking lot to wait for their other friends instead to show up for the school day. He also dragged him to scold him like a parent for letting Jongdae hurt him, even when he didn't really. He's just upset that Jongdae basically ignored him all weekend all for Veronica, where he's now sure that she faked it to get Jongdae all to herself.

He had fun Friday night especially during the sleep over, and its safe to assume that his friends had fun also, but Jongdae being gone and Jongin announcing that his mother is dying, he's been nothing but a worried, Luhan is calling him a worried mother hen, all weekend especially when Veronica is kind of bad news. He's worried on how Jongdae will get or react to the news. He's worried for both Jongdae and Jongin and what's going to happen to the both of them. He's worried and scared at the same time and wants to help Jongin talk to Jongdae but he doesn't know what to do to help the both of them after. His mom already accepted Jongdae to live with them in the meantime, and he's sure that she'll gladly accept Jongin in as well, but both Jongdae and Jongin are kind of prideful. When Jongin was crying when he told everyone at the sleep over that his mother was dying and hasn't told Jongdae, he quickly stood up and yelled at everyone that he doesn't need their pity. He was angry and upset, but Yixing knew he was feeling that way because he's feeling guilty for not telling his brother first. He doesn't want anyone to feel sorry for him or his brother. He just wants them to tell the both of them that things will be OK and move on. They'll at least be together again and living with his dad under the same roof, but Yixing knows that it won't be like that at all. It will just be the two of them.

Luhan is still going on and on about bad decision makings and how he was going to regret it sooner or later but he ignores him and tunes him out then turns to look at him. "What am I going to do?"

"About what?"

"About Jongdae! He's going to flip when he finds out."

Luhan sighs then jumps off the car as he stands next to Yixing and places a reassuring hand on his shoulder, giving it a squeeze. He looks serious _and it has something to do with Jongdae_ , which it is a very weird combination. "You heard what Jongin said Friday night. He doesn't want our pity. We should just tell them that it will all be OK, and move on."

Yixing's mouth drops a bit as he blinks at Luhan. "You're seriously the worst. We're not giving them our pity or whatever. I'm really worried about them. I want the two of them to be OK, especially Jongdae. I know Jongin will be alright, but Jongdae... I'm going to lose him." Yixing whispers the last part, thinking about Jongdae acting out and ignoring him, doing something really reckless, it gives him chills down his back.

"Maybe you're wrong and Jongdae will be OK about it also."

"He went through a lot, Luhan. I just know he'll try to find some other escape to get through this. Or… not get through it." He can feel it in his gut that Jongdae will act out.

"Who knows, Yixing. Maybe he'll actually find a healthy escape through you and Jongin since you and his brother are the only two people he seems to care about. I'm sure he'll find a way."

"I hope you're right." Yixing whispers. He can't find it in himself though to look up at his friend, so Luhan pulls him into a hug as Yixing silently cries. He didn't know he had some tears in him, but he's grateful that his best friend is hugging him right now. He could really use one.

"Just be you and he'll be OK." Luhan whispers then pulls away as suddenly Yixing feels hands behind him sort of shake him then hears someone yell out a boo close to his ear, making him jump. He hears familiar laughter after then turns to look at the man that makes him so happy but also worried with what's going on with him. He also notices that his appearance looks different.

"You got your lip pierced?"

"Yeah. Veronica dared me to, so I thought why the hell not. Are you OK? Were you crying just now?" Jongdae reaches forward to wipe the tear away from Yixing's face, but he leans back to avoid his hand to wipe it himself. He notices that Jongdae quickly drops his hand and frowns, so he laughs and starts playing with his ear.

"You got them bigger also?" Yixing asks, referring to the fact that Jongdae got his ears stretched. Sticking his finger in and out through the small hole.

"A little. I know it's gross but I've been wanting to get them for a while, so again I thought-"

"Why the hell not?" Yixing and Jongdae say at the same time, laughing together at the same time after. He got his lip pierced and his ears stretched a little more, all for Veronica. _I wonder what he'll do for me if I ask him._ Yixing shakes his head to shake the thought away. He shouldn't be jealous boyfriend right now. _Still though. Would you say you love me if I were to ask you?_ He notices that Jongdae is looking over his shoulder, turning to look at what he's looking at also then laughs as Luhan is standing there, glaring at Jongdae, with his arms crossed across his chest. Jongdae can't help but let out an airy laugh as he finds it funny.

"What's up with him?" He asks quietly, Luhan continuing on his glaring.

"Nothing. He was just leaving."

"I'll be over there." Luhan more like grumbles, as he points towards another car full of people. It turns out to be Kris and Tao and the rest of the others. They watch him leave, Jongdae yelling out bye and waving his hand in the air at him, Luhan grinning and putting his hand up to wave as well, but suddenly pulls out a very serious face and flips Jongdae off, making Jongdae laugh out loud.

"I think he likes me." Yixing just snorts and shakes his head as Jongdae is definitely something else. "I'm sorry though, about Friday night and the weekend. I didn't want to leave Veronica alone for the whole weekend, just in case, you know-"

"The men show up?" Jongdae nods. "Don't worry about it. Did you find out anything?" Yixing asks, leaning back on the car again and pulling out a lollipop Luhan gave him from his pocket. He sticks it in his mouth then pulls it out to suck the top of it, then sticks it back in again. In a wonderful world, Yixing would be a vixen seducing Jongdae and getting him to think that he wants him that very damn second and doesn't care that they're outside in the parking lot. And to push it even further it would be so damn amazing if he does so on top of Luhan's car because honestly he's had enough of his friend not being OK with Jongdae at all, and after he'll blame it on the damn birds shitting on his car and not him or Jongdae, but he's not trying to be that vixen at all. In fact, he doesn't even want to share with Jongdae right now because, _OK yeah. I'm damn angry you were with Veronica all weekend. But I'm trying to be good boyfriend right now._ He smiles though as Jongdae stands beside him and leans back on the car, his elbows propping him up. Its hard to be mad at Jongdae though when he just looks so good and Yixing hates himself for not even being able to maintain an angry image for at least a second at him. He's wearing a white shirt with a black beanie that makes his tattoos and new piercings stand out. And _damn you Kim Jongdae! Why do you look so damn good?!_ But then, everything he went through, he shouldn't even think about being angry with him. He shakes his head again and silently groans at himself after a split second. _It wouldn't be fair if I keep using that excuse the whole time. It needs to be balanced between us._

Jongdae stands up but leans on his side against the car as he lowers his voice, Yixing finding himself leaning forward to listen. "Their main boss or whatever, is in some sort of gang war or something. So he wants all the men he can get to focus on whatever thing is going on. That's why I haven't seen them in a while. But whatever thing is going on apparently needs money, so they used Veronica to get to me since they thought that she's my girlfriend and if they hurt her, they hurt me." Yixing nods then pulls out the lollipop to chew on the inside of his lip. Jongdae suddenly takes the lollipop from him to stick it in his mouth and suck on the top of it, smiling around it as Yixing stares at him. "What?"

"Nothing. So what are you going to do? They keep adding to the debt right? How much do you have to give them?"

Jongdae pulls out the lollipop as he holds it, Yixing taking it from him to stick it back in his mouth. "They don't know about Jongin's dad being dead. They went to his work to find him but-"

"I thought he was unemployed." Yixing asks as Jongdae nods, shifting again as he's now sticking his butt out and leaning down on the car, propping himself up with his arms.

"I thought so too, but apparently as long as he showed up, they would consider him as an employee. He would show up shit faced though so they always sent him home but no one actually kept an eye on him and made sure he _actually_ got home. Turns out he would just go to the bar or gamble or something."

Yixing's jaw drops again. "Just what kind of crap did he get into?"

Jongdae shrugs, standing up now and stretching his arms up. He then sits on top of the hood of Luhan's car and takes Yixing's lollipop away from his mouth to stick it back in his. He laughs as soon as Yixing pouts. "I gotta go work out a deal with them to get rid of that debt thing or people are going to find out about it. I'm pretty sure flipping damn burgers at a burger place won't settle it, even though they gave me a raise."

"You got a raise?"

"A long time ago. Before the debt thing but it's not enough. The rent is cheap and everything and there's not much bills to pay, but I don't think it's enough to pay everything. I'm going to have to go look for another job." Yixing frowns. Its their last year. Their last semester actually and if Jongdae gets another job right now, he won't be able to graduate. Jongdae may not see it as big deal but Yixing thinks it can make a difference. Jongdae may not be thinking about college but nowadays you can't get a decent job without your high school diploma. He _needs_ to graduate.

"What about graduation?" He questions his concern, Jongdae sticking the lollipop out while staring at Yixing. He ends up shrugging, Yixing taking the lollipop away from him and standing right in front of him, his hands on Jongdae's thighs.

"You need to graduate, Jongdae." He's hoping he's coming off as serious. "You can't even get a decent job nowadays without your high school diploma. You need to at least pass the semester. You don't have to do the graduation ceremony, just as long as you get your diploma, it will be fine." He's staring into his eyes as Jongdae stares back. He nods his head once then smirks as he caught Yixing on his act. He's trying to be serious with him but the damn lip piercing just makes his lips so inviting, he can't help but stare at them then back up at his eyes because it is not the time to stare at the good looking little shit in front of him. And yea he really means shit because he keeps taking his lollipop to suck on it then lick his lips to get the sweet candy taste off of them but keeps on sucking on the top of the candy after and _he's being a little shit!_ "I'm serious. Will you do it for me?"

"I'll do anything for you." Jongdae's tone drops. Leaning forward as he licks his lips and stares at Yixing's own. He's starting to blush as Jongdae now looks up into his eyes, lifting the hand that's holding the lollipop towards his lips and sucks on the top, smiling around it as Yixing visibly gulps. He arches his eyebrow up then smirks, getting Yixing to groan and wrap his fingers around the back of Jongdae's neck and pull him forward as he smashes his lips against Jongdae's. He feels Jongdae's hand around his shirt, the other still holding onto the hand that's holding the lollipop, he hears Jongdae breathe in then somehow breathe out through the kiss, feeling his hot breath against his face, driving Yixing to further continue. He didn't want to at first because he was upset, but now he doesn't care that there are people honking their horns, at them no doubt, and teasing them but when the bell rings to go to class and he pulls away, he laughs as he sees Luhan yelling at the two of them to not do that on top of his car. Jongdae laughing out loud and flipping Luhan off as he pulls Yixing in for one more kiss.

"I love you." Yixing whispers as he pulls away, but Jongdae is more entertained at Luhan yelling and being held back by Kris, and Minseok shaking his head in disappointment at his friend than saying it back. Yixing doesn't repeat it.

-

"So when did the captain and guardian get together?" Jongdae asks, as he follows Yixing to his locker, after walking by an awkward make out session in front of Junmyeon's locker, courtesy of Junmyeon and Kris themselves. Yixing had to drag Jongdae away from the scene as he stood there watching for a second with the most confused expression ever. Yixing just laughed and pulled him away to keep him from looking at it some more.

"Guardian?" Yixing asks as he pulls out a book from his bag to stick it in his locker then take out a notebook from there and shove it in his bag. Jongdae just laughs and leans against the lockers besides Yixing as he turns his head to look at the two love birds talking amongst themselves about something then proceed to make out again. Yixing sighs then grabs hold of Jongdae's chin to get him to look the other way. Preferably more at him. Jongdae just laughs and apologizes. "Why did you call him guardian?"

"His name is Suho, right? It means guardian. He's the Guardian of the Galaxy." It takes Yixing a second to understand the joke and when he does, he laughs out loud as on Friday Kris referred to himself as "Galaxy" and Junmyeon as "Suho". Which now Jongdae has said that it means guardian and it's a funny joke to him. He may have a weird sense of humor.

"Guardian and Galaxy. I'm definitely changing their names to that." Yixing comments as he slams his locker shut then suddenly cages Jongdae against the lockers, his arms in between Jongdae's head and leaning so close to him, any second now, some teacher or dumb higher up school staff is going to walk by and tell them to stop that and pull away, but they won't say a single thing to Kris and Junmyeon because they're "good kids" and involved in school activities. Yixing has to admit though, a taste of the bad trouble maker side is calling out to him right now, and it's written in the form of Kim Jongdae. Kim Jongdae with his inviting lips and a look that's begging Yixing to get closer, and his body position saying he's open and all his. The only thing Yixing does and can think of saying right now is "Wanna come over to my house later and watch a shit ton of Disney movies?" _Such a fucking deal maker._

"I've never seen any of them." Jongdae blushes, Yixing smiling down at him and pinching his cheek for being adorable. He leans down and pecks his lips, reaching for his hand to take him to his next class.

"You'll love them. Trust me." Yixing says, swinging his hand, along with Jongdae's, front and back.

"Hold up. I should really check my locker." Jongdae says as he turns around and walks towards the lockers on the other side of the hall, in front of Yixing's own locker. Jongdae opens the small door and laughs as it is empty, except for some detention slip, while Yixing's jaw is hanging open.

"You had a locker in front of mine all this time and you've never used it?! We could've met a long time ago then." Jongdae just laughs and apologizes and crumples the paper up to throw it away, but Yixing takes it to throw it at Jongdae's chest. He harshly reaches for his hand and starts dragging him away out the building and head towards another building for their next classes. An amused happy smile on his face the whole time while Jongdae laughs. The best way to deal with everything right now is just ignore it for now, push it aside and let it handle itself. That's exactly what Yixing is going to do. Ignore it for the time being.

-

"When do you think we should talk to my hyung?" Jongin asks, as Yixing looks up from his phone and sees that Jongin is standing in front of him. He's sitting on the floor as Jongin is hovering over him then moves to sit down. He smiles but frowns. He hasn't been smiling lately, Yixing has noticed for a while now, now that he thinks about it. He feels bad about it now for not noticing sooner. He smiles. But it's not his genuine Jongin smile.

"How long have you known about your mom?" Yixing asks, ignoring Jongdae's text. They've been texting non stop all morning and when Yixing got pulled out of his math class to go to his dance class, Jongdae texted him to say hi to Jongin for him. Yixing ended up turning it into a small playful argument about how Jongdae never tells him hi, or something like that. He hasn't texted back until now.

"A month. Why?"

"Well we haven't really talked about it. And I know you don't want to, but I think it will help if you tell me exactly what happened. How did you find out?"

Jongin tilts his head back to groan then nods. He doesn't want to talk about it at all and it's not the right place for doing so but it'll have to do. He opens his mouth to say something but Sehun is walking in, along with Tao and it's a surprise to the both of them because Tao hasn't been part of their dancing class in a long long time. "Tao, what are you doing here?"

"Coach called me out. I don't know why?"

"I think she wants Tao to join in on the next dance rehearsals." Sehun answers, sitting on the floor next to Jongin. He avoids Yixing, who sits there laughing a little. He's not sure how to feel around Yixing, especially when him and Jongdae kissed and Yixing can get kind of jealous. Yixing finds it funny though and leans forward to clamp his hand on Sehun's shoulder, making him jump.

"How you've been, Sehun? Had a good weekend?" He asks, Sehun's face going bright red as he nods. "Anything Jongdae related recently?" He adds, Sehun growing even brighter and gulping down whatever is in his throat. Yixing just smirks as something definitely happened. He doesn't care if it's something small or something sex dream related, he wants to know. Jongdae definitely got to him as he's starting to think that messing around and teasing Sehun is a little fun.

"N-Nothing happened."

"Really? Are you sure? I just ask because you did kiss my boyfriend and the first time I kissed him I couldn't sleep, if you catch my drift." Jongin makes a disgusted face as Tao is laughing at Sehun's bright red face. Tao knows that something happened but Yixing wants to hear it from Sehun himself.

"Yes." Sehun squeaks out then clears his throat. "I'm sure."

"OK good. If anything at all, I mean _anything_ , let me know alright? I want to know every detail about it. Don't hold anything back from me." Sehun just nods, Yixing clamping his shoulder one last time then moves back as he continues to laugh by himself, taking his phone out to text Jongdae to tell him what happened. "Oh Jongin, your brother says hi." He says out loud as Sehun's eyes go wide and turns to look at Yixing. Yixing just looks up at him and smiles, glancing down as Jongdae texted him back. "He also says to tell you hi, Tao." Tao smiling and nodding as he wishes Jongdae hi as well. Then he seriously looks at Sehun, Sehun gulping once again. "He says to tell you that next time make sure you ask for permission if you can have a sex dream about him or I'll get mad." Tao and Jongin laugh out loud while Sehun nods and apologizes, his face once again going bright red. Their dance coach walks in just in time to save Sehun from further embarrassment as she explains why she called them all in and why she wants Tao to be in dance class once again. Ignoring everything and pushing it aside: so far so good.

-

"So you guys are going to compete?" Jongdae asks as he sits in between Yixing's legs and looks up at Jongin who is with Kyungsoo, Tao and Sehun on top of the bleachers Jongdae likes to sit at. Yixing notices that Sehun has been staring at Jongdae differently but he can't make out what it is. Its not the" blushing shy boy crush" look he had for Jongdae before. Its definitely not the "he's kind of hot and I had a sex dream about you" look either. Its different. Its more passive. Maybe sentimental towards him. Maybe more apologetic than sentimental. A little worried for him. Sehun looks at Yixing for a brief second then looks away from him and looks at Jongin instead. Almost the same look he had for Jongdae is now directed towards Jongin but it's a bit more clearly because him and Jongin are best friends. Of course he'll feel sad and worried for his best friend. _I feel it too, Sehun. Maybe more because that's just half of it. You won't believe the other half._

"Yeah. Apparently it's nation or city or state wide. I'm not sure, but it will mean going to different locations to compete."

"And Tao used to be in your team?" Jongdae asks, now looking at Tao who is smiling and nodding.

"I used to be in it, but I became more preoccupied with my martials arts so I left, but since the competition is big, and the least amount of members they'll allow up to is 4, she wants me to join."

"We can ask Luhan and Minseok but they have soccer practices and everything, so we have to stick with 4." Yixing adds after as Jongin and Tao nod.

"Luhan and Minseok?"

"They help sometimes. They're pretty good at dancing but rather play soccer than dance so they don't do it much. Especially when they're now captains."

"Oh. I see. And do you guys think you'll be OK with 4 guys?" Jongdae asks as they all share a look with one another and shrug.

"Truth is. We may not even qualify at all. Bigger dance groups get more attention and offer more variety while little groups like ours don't even get the attention at all. Its kind of ridiculous she wants us to compete with such a small group, but since it is a huge dance competition and good opportunity for all of us, we have to do it." Yixing says as the others nod. Jongdae grins at him and pats his leg as he's right. They have to at least try.

"Can you guys maybe host auditions before starting all the dance rehearsals? There's maybe secret dancers in the school you don't know about."

Jongin nods. "Yeah we should do that. We're not an official school dance team. We're more city than district. That's why we're able to compete with just three. We can announce that we're looking for dancers and maybe then we can get at least 6 for this competition."

"OK." Yixing nods. "We can do that. It will be better than just us 4. We can maybe have a chance." Jongdae just grins at all of them while Jongin and Yixing share a look as they only want to do it for a whole different reason. There's money involved in this. Money that can be used to pay hospital bills or pay a debt without Jongdae finding out. But its also a competition where neither Jongin and Yixing kind of don't want to do, due to the fact that they have to leave Jongdae alone during the dance competitions. Yixing frowns and forgets that Jongdae is pretty good at reading him. He already noticed the look on his face.

"What's wrong? You've been... off since this morning. Is there something you're not telling me?" He asks, half jokingly but Yixing and Jongin share a look while Sehun and Tao along with Kyungsoo share glances with one another also. Jongin decides to laugh half heartingly and pat his brother's knee.

"He's just sad that he's going to miss you, hyung."

"Miss me?"

"We have to go up north for the competition for a few days. I don't know when and where we have to go and how long, but we have to go if we want to at least qualify." Yixing answers, his voice kind of quiet. Jongdae just blinks, realization hitting him that for once since getting with Yixing, he's going to be alone, especially with Jongin not around. He then smiles, reaching for Yixing's hand, entwining his fingers together with his and gives it a squeeze.

"Is that what you're worried about? You'll be OK without me for a few days. And don't worry. I'll be in my best behavior. Just don't put me anywhere with Luhan." Yixing laughs and pulls Jongdae into a hug. A tight one. The whole telling Jongdae everything and Jongin as well, is going to be put on hold. _I just need more time to figure this whole thing out. I swear I'll fix everything._ He looks at Jongin who seems to agree also, giving him a small nod.

"There you guys are!" They all hear a high voice yell out, as they all turn around and look down as Baekhyun and Chanyeol are walking towards them, with Minseok, Luhan, Kris and Junmyeon coming from around the corner. Jongdae's eyes go wide in horror as he doesn't want to deal with clingy Baekhyun at all. Yixing just laughs as Baekhyun is pointing at Jongdae and smiling wide. "I've been looking all over for you. Its time for your daily cuddle!" He yells, Yixing noticing that Kyungsoo was wide eyed also. Probably thinking that Baekhyun was looking for him to cuddle. He just laughs and clamps his shoulder as Jongdae stands up to leave. "Where are you going? Don't go!"

"No! Fuck you and your cuddles! I said no!" Jongdae yells out as he starts going down the bleachers, Baekhyun quickly walking over to wrap his arms around Jongdae. He ends up runing towards the field as fast as he can as Baekhyun tries to catch up to him but Jongdae jumps over a small fence that uncoordinated Baekhyun can't do so at all and gives up. Yixing just laughs along with the others as Baekhyun is motioning for Jongdae to come back while Jongdae continues to yell obscenities at him.

"I'm going to go get him. I'll see you guys!" Yixing says as he goes down the bleachers, while he continues to laugh over Jongdae's and Baekhyun's actions. Yixing ends up taking him away where the two just kiss and no one around stops them or tells them anything.

-

"When I leave are you going to stay here or are you going to stay at your place?" Yixing asks, cuddling Jongdae on his bed. He put on Disney movies for them to watch but he's pretty sure that Jongdae is not even paying attention to any of them. He really isn't either as he's focusing on running his finger down Jongdae's jaw and up to his cheek bone and tracing his lips. Jongdae just hums every now and then, moving his head forward a little to try to bite Yixing's finger but is too slow. Yixing's hand is now on Jongdae's hair, running his fingers through the dark locks. He swears that Jongdae is purring so he shifts to look at him fully. Jongdae just smiles and hums with his eyes closed, leaning towards the touch some more. "Jongdae?"

"Hmm?"

"Does it feel good?" Yixing asks instead, smiling after when Jongdae nods, wrapping his arms around Yixing's waist and presses himself against him some more. "Good." Yixing just whispers, leaning forward to kiss Jongdae's cheek. He watches Jongdae's face scrunch up but smiles after as Yixing continues his ministrations. Its soothing in a way and comforting and it makes the two of them sleepy. When Jongdae falls asleep, and Yixing makes sure that his breathing is in sync with Jongdae's, he falls asleep after placing another kiss onto Jongdae.

He doesn't know how long they slept when he wakes up, finding Jongdae still sleeping by his side but when he wakes up he checks his phone and finds a text from Jongin. A random text that has him confused as Jongdae is sleeping beside him.

_"Did you show my hyung Disney movies?"_

"Yeah why?" Yixing texts back, thinking that Jongin won't text back right away, but to his surprise as he's about to set his phone down, receives a text from him.

_"He told me that he'll be there for me until infinity and beyond. What else are you showing him? He may never shut up with the Disney songs. He also sent me that one Mulan song and a part of the Aladdin song. You're going to create a Disney monster!"_

Yixing laughs then texts back. "A wonderful Disney monster."

 _"Eww!_ Jongin texts immediately. Yixing is about to text back but gets another from Jongin. _"Please love him forever and ever. He's a cheesy good guy, I swear."_

Yixing hesistates. He's staring at the text then looks at Jongdae who shifts a little then turns onto his side. He can't help but smile, the butterflies going crazy, but he also can't help but feel a bit saddened. "I want to." He texts back then turns his phone off and puts it away. _I want to. Forever and ever, but Jongdae_ may not _want to._

"Yixing." Jongdae says groggily, lifting his head up to look for him. His hands on the search for him as well, as he'll be reassured by a small touch, so Yixing stretches his arm out and laces his fingers with Jongdae's.

"I'm here. What's up?"

"N-Nothing. I thought you left." Jongdae says, stretching Yixing's arm by placing his cheek on top of his hand. He closes his eyes while Yixing laughs as he wants to go back to sleep.

"You already slept so much. Time to get up."

"No. I just fell asleep." Jongdae snuggles some more against the hand, takes in a big breath then slowly let's it out through his nose as he's satisfied.

"You fell asleep before me."

"I did but I woke up then went back to sleep." That explains why Jongin got messages from Jongdae and why Yixing found it weird. He didn't see him do it as he was asleep. He smiles anyway then leans down as he was sitting up and kisses Jongdae right on the lips, a slow smile appearing on his face. Yixing smiles back and kisses him again, resting his forehead with Jongdae as he closes his eyes for a second. He feels Jongdae's fingers on his cheek then trail up to his hair as he begins pushing it back. He doesn't really like showing his forehead that much, but being in the dark room, he's OK with that fact. He focuses on the hair stroking Jongdae is doing, feeling small little kisses on his nose as Jongdae tilts his head up to reach him, and smiles. He can stay like this. But they need to talk.

"Jongdae."

"Hmm?"

"Promise me you'll stay here when we leave." Jongdae doesn't say anything, in fact his hand going through his hair has stopped so Yixing opens his eyes to look. He pushes himself up and hovers over Jongdae, looking down at him. "Please? I'll feel better knowing that you're staying here."

"You don't know when you're leaving though. Can't you ask me until then?"

"Why don't you want me to ask now?" He's starting to get a bad feeling about it, moving back to sit against the wall. Jongdae moves to sit up also.

"I told Veronica to stay at my place from now on, but... she thinks I'm at work right now so-"

"She wants you to stay with her?!" Yixing doesn't mean to yell but he can't help but make his voice come out loud. He's sorry as he noticed that Jongdae flinched a little but he's angry. "I don't want to be jealous boyfriend but what the hell, Jongdae? Can't you see she wants to keep you away from me?!"

"I'm sorry. I am. But I owe it to her. She's been needing me and I've been... neglecting her. The least I could do is keep her there and stay with her." Yixing suddenly gets off the bed and starts pacing in his room. He's trying to control his anger, something he finds hard to do because he's not the type of person to get angry so easily. Its so rare for him to get this angry, that he even forgets how to tone it down, and he doesn't want to be angry but Jongdae clearly isn't seeing the big picture with Veronica. _Is this how Luhan is like towards me and Jongdae?_

"Yixing!" Jongdae says as he gets off the bed and wraps his arms around Yixing from behind, his chin pressing into his back. "I'm sorry. I'm trying to do the right thing like you always do and I think this is what I should do. I know how you feel about her, but I'm the only person she has." Jongdae whispers the last part. Yixing realizes then that Jongdae is not like Veronica any more. He has some one that will be there for him, now that he does , he wants to make sure that Veronica is not in the same shoes as him. He doesn't want her to feel alone and neglected. He doesn't want her to go through what he went through. He wants to protect her like Yixing is protecting him, and saying it's the right thing to do. Because it is. _But I'm doing it because I love you and care immensely about you. Are you doing it because you feel the same way about her?_

"Jongdae."

"I'm sorry, Yixing. I swear I don't feel anything about her. But I need to do this." He feels Jongdae's arms go tight around him, his mouth pressed onto his back, then buries his face against him. "I'm sorry." He hears him mumble, his hands going over Jongdae's and begins to rub his palms against them, turning around to face him and place his hands against his cheeks to kiss him. Jongdae kisses him back, an intensity between them that's flooding the room suddenly, they drown in it. Yixing walks him backwards towards the bed, Jongdae's back of his knees touching the bed and sitting himself down as Yixing leans down and continues kissing him. He pulls away to look at him, the dark room poorly lighting up Jongdae's face but even in the dark he can see a look he hasn't seen on Jongdae before. Its not lust but _love? Does Jongdae really love me?_ He doesn't bother asking because that look he's giving him, almost as if he's becoming vulnerable right in front of him makes Yixing want to show him that he'll love him no matter what. The strong side of him, the weak side, the broken and vulnerable side, any side of him, he'll take it all. He wipes his thumb across Jongdae's cheek bone, looking into his eyes one more time, then smashes his lips hard with Jongdae's. He feels his hands go on his chest. He thinks that maybe Jongdae might push him away, but his hand grips onto his shirt to pull him closer. He could sigh in relief right there and then but rather focus on kissing Jongdae.

He wants to forget. Forget everything, and for once have a simple normal night with just Jongdae where they don't talk about anything or anyone but about each other. He wants to just hold him and hold him tight and whisper I love you as Jongdae plays with his hand. He wants to laugh and maybe watch Jongdae cry over the emotional scenes of the Disney movies and reassure him that everything will be OK from now on. He wants Jongdae to say that he loves him back and that he'll do anything for him, the same way Yixing will do anything for Jongdae and to stay away from Veronica. He wants to kiss Jongdae and talk to him about future plans and get him to stay the night, trace the scar on his rib and the tattoos he has, maybe draw beautiful sceneries down his back or on his torso and call him beautiful. Because he is, and he needs to hear it all the time until he believes it. He wants to forget and never leave Jongdae behind but he's afraid of what he'll come back to when he leaves for the dance competition. Everything could stay the same between them, but there's guilt eating him up inside that some way Jongdae may find out about everything and break things with him. _Please just let me forget. Just this once and enjoy this moment with him._

"You're crying." Yixing opens his eyes and looks down at Jongdae, a tear trailing down his face, but it's not Jongdae's at all. Its his. "What's wrong?" Jongdae asks, pulling him down to sit beside him and take his hand in his. He doesn't know where to begin. "Did I do something wrong?" Yixing looks up at him, a stoic look on his face.

"Why would you think you did something wrong?"

"I don't know." Jongdae shrugs. "We were just kissing then out of nowhere you started to cry. I thought I maybe did something wrong."

Yixing shakes his head. "No. Its not you. Its me." He answers, Jongdae suddenly laughing as Yixing is confused. "What?"

"Isn't that what people say before they break up with someone?"

"I don't know. But that's not what I meant."

"Oh OK. Good. I should stop watching tv then. All they give out is false information." Yixing can't help but laugh at that then wipe his tears away. "Tell me what's wrong. You've been upset about something since this morning. I may suck at these things, but I know it's better to let it out then in. I know that now." Jongdae whispers the last part, squeezing Yixing's hand a little. Yixing watches him, once again realizing that Jongdae is not the same guy he used to be. He's slowly learning about everything around him and what is right to accept and what is not.

"Honestly." Yixing hesistates. _Just say that you want to forget everything. That for once you want to clear your mind and actually have a healthy relationship with him where you're not keeping secrets from him. Or jealous over a girl that he swears feels nothing towards to._ "I'm a little upset about the whole Veronica thing and leaving you alone for a week or something." _I swear if Jongdae wasn't holding my hand, I'll fucking facepalm myself._ He expects Jongdae to groan or maybe pull away but Jongdae sits still and waits for him to continue, his hand still over his. "I know you want to help her, and I'm happy for you wanting to help, but... what exactly do you feel for her? Do you love her or what? Why exactly haven't you said you loved me back?"

Jongdae pulls back, looking around the room for anything to get his attention and avoid answering but all he settles on looking is on Yixing's shoe. "I thought that you were OK with waiting for me to say it when I'm ready." He mumbles, Yixing turning his head to look right at him and cup his face to keep it in place.

"I am. I'm willing to wait for a long time, but Jongdae-"

"I swear I don't like her!" Jongdae yells out. "I just... I rather say I hate you and have you know what the hell I mean than actually saying it out loud. I know how you feel about me and a part of me feels that way too, but showing it or expressing it to you…, you deserve someone that would make love to you and not just do it to escape or feel disgustingly full of something that doesn't represent an emotion at all. I see it in your eyes whenever we reach that step but I always hesitate and pull away because I'm afraid and you always feel guilty when you shouldn't be, but Yixing... I don't know what true love really is. I never once in my life been told that. Not even from Jongin but I know he loves me. I love him too. And I guess what I'm trying to say is..."

He stops to groan and scratch his head as he doesn't exactly know how to phrase it or say it. Yixing wants to pull him into a hug but now it's Jongdae's turn to get up and back away from him. "I know what love is." Jongdae begins. "But I just feel that everyone has their own versions of love, you know? Like the type of love that cause chaos together, the kind that balance each other out, the kind that let each other go for them to be happy, the let's 'fuck all the time because I love you' love. But what the hell kind of love do we have? You seriously loved me since day one, and I don't know why you did and I appreciate it but for me... I just can't say it just yet until I know it comes from deep within. Does that make sense?" Jongdae asks, Yixing just smiles, showing his dimple and leans forward to reach for Jongdae's hand to pull him onto his lap.

"You want to say it until you hear your mother say it at least once."

"What?"

"I'm sorry." Yixing apologizes, snuggling his face onto Jongdae's neck. "You're right. I just... I don't know what gets over me and I don't want to rush you, but I guess it will be nice to know what would happen to the both of us later on. I mean we haven't really formally asked each other out at all yet. But you're right. I'm sorry. I do love you and hopefully me saying it doesn't rush you at all, but I feel that I should tell you all the time to let it sink in that you're not alone and won't be alone until you want me to go."

"But I don't want you to go." Jongdae half whines, jutting his lower lip out a little then groans. "OK I know that's one type of love but..."

"I get it. I'll wait." Yixing says, cupping Jongdae's cheek with his hand. "Take all the time you need, but-" Yixing groans and Jongdae laughs, leaning down a little to kiss his cheek. "Veronica!"

"I'll tell her that I'm staying with you."

"No. It's not that. I mean yes! Stay with me. But I mean, I just get a bad feeling from her. I don't know what it is, but she is your terror, toxic, friend that was with you through so much, I shouldn't keep her or you away from each other. Just you know, watch out for her. Stay safe."

"What? Terror, toxic, friend?" Jongdae laughs, wrapping both arms around Yixing's neck as Yixing laughs. His arms tightly wrapped around Jongdae's waist.

"Like terror, toxic, twins. But you know, friend, because you're cuter and Veronica is not, and don't mean this to sound in a bad way, but she's so blah. Not my type at all."

Jongdae laughs out loud, his head tilting back so much, it causes him to fall back onto Yixing's bed. His legs still draped over Yixing's lap. "You mean not a guy at all?"

"No, I really mean not my type at all. She's just... I can't explain it and won't. There are no words to do so." Jongdae just nods, sticking his finger out and moving it for Yixing to come closer to him, Yixing doing what Jongdae commands, because he's such a sucker for Jongdae. If he's being honest. Jongdae suddenly wraps his arms around him again and pulls him down, hugging him onto his chest then let's him go as he remembered something.

"I got something done."

"What did you get?" Yixing sits up as Jongdae continues laying back on the bed and begins pulling a side of his jeans and boxers down, while the other pulls his shirt up to reveal his hip, and upon closer look, Yixing sees a 7 and a small little y beside it, both inside a heart.

"I wanted to show you sooner but we'll get in trouble if I showed you at school, and you seemed kind of bummed out earlier today, I wasn't sure how you were going to react if I showed you, but screw it! I'll just show you now." Jongdae says, still pulling his pants down and shirt up. "7 is considered as the lucky number and 13 as, unlucky. You're my 7 while I hope I'm your 13. And I don't mean in a bad luck kind of way. I just mean it as I represent 13 and you-"

Yixing leans down and presses his lips hard onto Jongdae's as he loves it and wants him to shut up as he gets it and loves it and wants to kiss him for it. Jongdae laughs into the kiss but brings Yixing closer as he wants to kiss him just as hard as he is doing as he's gald he liked it. Yixing's thumb trails over the marking, linking his fingers with Jongdae's as he finds it placed on top of his stomach. He moves to straddle him, pinning his hand down as the other strokes his thumb over a cheek bone. _Fuck!_ He just loves Jongdae so much, he wants to show him again.

"You're afraid. I understand. You want me to wait, and I'll do that, but Jongdae... I love you so much... I just... fuck. I just want you and I know you don't want that-"

Jongdae places a hand over Yixing's cheek and smiles. "Its just practice, right? Practice until the day we really mean it?" He asks. Yixing doesn't understand but then it hits him. They've made out and touched each other so many times and _yes!_

Yixing nods, pressing a kiss onto Jongdae's palm as he takes it for a second and looks deep into his eyes, making sure he has his attention. "Until the day we both mean it. This is just practice." Jongdae smiles. His arms still wrapped around Yixing tight and giving him a smile that makes his heart swell up. Jongdae is looking directly back at him. Back into his eyes and Yixing sees that Jongdae trusts him. There's trust in them, Yixing can't help but lean down and kiss his face all over, making that beautiful sound Jongdae sometimes calls his horrible laughter come out, squirming underneath him to get him to stop but really doesn't want him to at all. And Yixing is so in love, he's happy and promises to never break that trust. To never break the man underneath him and to never leave him. He swears it.

"Good." Jongdae whispers, closing his eyes as Yixing slowly kisses down to his neck, and noses his head to tilt back as he's slowly, once again, going to show him just how much he loves him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so so much to every single one of you for being patient with me and for reading or even glancing, subscribing, voting, giving kudos and hits and everything in between. It really really means the world to me. So seriously, if you have anything in mind for me to make it up to you guys, please please please let me know. I'm sick and under some meds right now so I'm sorry for any spelling mistakes or errors. I may have some writer's block, but I promise to get started on the next chapter right away. ^^ Stay With Me is now on Asianfanfics! So if you're interested on reading there, you can do so **[here!](https://www.asianfanfics.com/story/view/1110551/stay-with-me-chenlay-xingdae-highschoolau-laychen-kimjongbros-minorcharacterdea-punkau/18)** Any questions or comments or you just want to say hi or yell at me for whatever, you can do so **[here.](http://ask.fm/piratenat)**  
>  Thank you so so much and I hope you have a lovely day or night and week! ^^


	12. Chapter 12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ahh I'm so excited posting this but also nervous at the same time and I seriously hope you guys enjoy it but at the same time I'm nervous and ahh I don't know what to feel but WARNING! There's smut in this chapter, in fact this whole chapter is smut, that's why it's kind of short but if you don't like smut at all, whether good or bad, then do NOT read. Seriously don't read if you don't like it. Thank you! ^^ To those that wish to continue, I seriously, seriously, SERIOUSLY hope you like it. Its my first ever guy on guy smut in like ever so constructive criticism of any kind is welcomed. I'll shut up now. Happy reading. Enjoy! ^^

Jongdae slowly inhales a big breath, and slowly releases it as Yixing is hovering above him and is kissing down his chest, the hem of his shirt around his fingers as he's holding it underneath his chin. Jongdae is nervous. He shouldn't be. He's been with girls before and Yixing has done something like this before, where Jongdae just felt the tips of Yixing's fingers dance all over him and felt hot kisses all over his body as well, but this time it's different. This time… Yixing loves him and Jongdae knows it and he sort of feels it too but can't bring himself to say it out loud. He's afraid of saying it, and doing this step, the biggest step anyone could do, Jongdae is afraid that it will come off as him having just another lay while Yixing deserves to feel all the love in the world as well. He's just afraid of doing it. But this is just practice. He said it and Yixing said it and it should be just that. It doesn't have to be super passionate, or super hot and kinky or whatever, it should just be the two of them exploring each other and taking notes for the next, _real_ , time they do it. He has decided, so Jongdae sits up, Yixing immediately moving away from him as he watches him.

"Did I cross the line already?" He asks, Jongdae quickly shakes his head and smiles at him. He reaches forward, tangling his fingers through Yixing's hair, then pulls him in for a deep kiss onto his lips. He makes sure that Yixing leans back and lays flat against the mattress as Jongdae now moves to straddle him and focuses on kissing his lips as his hands rubs down his chest and towards the hem of his shirt to move his hand underneath it and run his hand up and down flush Yixing's chest. Yixing gasps a little, Jongdae feeling his body temperature go up, so he decides to pull Yixing's shirt up towards his chin and keep it tucked there as he moves back and starts blowing air on him. Yixing giggles as he finds it a bit random. "I never had this in mind when I pictured you blowing me."

"I just don't want you to heat up so much." Jongdae says, skimming his fingers up and down Yixing's abs.

"Isn't that the point?" Yixing asks, his hands finding Jongdae's waist. Jongdae doesn't say anything. Neither does Yixing, but he doesn't mind just watching Jongdae above him as he seems to have something in mind. He wants to ask him what he's thinking about but Yixing likes to think that he can figure out what he's thinking so well. He notices that Jongdae's jaw is clenched a little and is looking up at his wall, his fingers tracing circles right on his abdomen. "We don't have to, you know. We can 'practice' some other time." Jongdae looks down at him and smiles, shaking his head as he can do this.

"It's not that. It's just... you're my first male."

"You're my first male too."

"I mean as in actually doing this. Don't we need lube and condoms and all sorts of things? We should really use condoms for this-"

"Jongdae." Yixing stops him by placing his hand over his cheek. He gives him a smile and a small stroke of his thumb over his cheek bone. "Don't worry. We have everything we need. But if you really want to be careful, we can go to the pharmacy and buy fresh supplies." Jongdae nods and gets off Yixing as he sits up now and looks at Jongdae right in the eye. "Just say no anytime, and we'll do something else."

"No it's fine. Its just... I've been with girls and now I'm with you... I just want to be in the safe side."

"I understand." Yixing says, standing up now and pulling his shirt down. He runs his finger underneath Jongdae's chin, then reaches for his hand to pull him up from the bed. They put their shoes on, grab their wallets and maybe a jacket, and head out the door. They walk hand in hand towards the bus stop and wait for the bus on the bench. They're both being eerily quiet but neither one of them want to break the silence. They both get up from the bench at the same time as an older lady with a ton of bags shows up, both of them offering their seat to her as she places her bags beside her, hogging up all of the bench. They don't mind though, as they start ripping some leaves off a nearby bush, and Jongdae ends up throwing about three pieces of leaves inside Yixing's shirt. He manages to put a ton of small flower petals on Jongdae's hair and somewhat tangling an actual flower on his hair by his ear. The older lady just laughs at the two as Jongdae tries to put a flower on Yixing's hair as well but Yixing runs away. When they get on the bus, after helping the lady of course, they sit side by side but once again they don't say anything to each other at all. They both have a lot on their mind, but mostly on how they're actually going to take a huge step together.

They walk around the pharmacy, too shy to ask the pharmacist behind the counter for the key to get some condoms, and too shy to go to the register and actually pay for them. Jongdae thinks it will be better to steal them but Yixing shakes his head and sighs, walking towards the counter and asks for help on proper condoms, pretending that he doesn't know a thing about them, that way he doesn't feel too embarrassed. Jongdae sort of lurks around the area as Yixing asks about the lube trying to listen. Jongdae ends up paying, giving the woman at the register a dirty look as she thinks that her judging looks are being subtle and to further make things fun for him, Jongdae pulls Yixing in for a deep kiss, not even bothering to look at the woman as he slams the money down on the counter for her to take. Yixing is oblivious to the situation but once they're on the bus, he laughs out loud and shakes his head at his boyfriend as he realizes what happened. Jongdae laughs besides him and leans his head onto Yixing's shoulder, taking in his scent to make himself feel comfortable. He knows people are staring at them. He could feel their glances burning holes right at them but Jongdae tries to ignore them as the best comfort in the world is Zhang Yixing holding his hand really tightly and humming a tune as he looks out the window. Nothing and no one else matters that very moment except for Yixing and him. Bad opinions about "odd couples" are really irrelevant and unheard of that very moment.

As soon as they get off the bus, they walk hand in hand back to Yixing's place, once again silence falling between them, but when they reach closer to the house, the atmosphere between them changes. They almost rush to quickly get inside and when they do, Yixing kicks the door close, pining Jongdae against the wall to kiss him. There's something different about Yixing and Jongdae but neither of them can't quite put their finger on it. Jongdae seems more... comfortable to Yixing. While Yixing seems more… Jongdae wouldn't say dominant because that's not the case at all. He almost seems like a leader. Ready to lead Jongdae throughout this. And if Yixing leads, then Jongdae would follow. Giving him trust and everything, and anything he can offer, and if Jongdae can give him his trust then that's why Jongdae seems different to Yixing. Before he was hesitant, now he's a bit more OK with the fact that they can do this. Its a cycle. If Jongdae feels OK, then so does Yixing. But the fact that Jongdae is comfortable with Yixing taking the lead makes Yixing love him even more. Jongdae's way of showing that he really loves him is by showing he's comfortable with him in so many ways. He kisses him hard on the lips and gently bites his bottom lip to test his theory, and when Jongdae moans instead of shrug or push him away Yixing knows that he's right.

"Are we just going to stay here, or are we going to your room?" Jongdae breathes out, as Yixing peppers kisses down the side of his neck, noting which little area makes him gasp, makes him moan or groan, or makes his head tilt back or to the side giving him permission to keep exploring. To keep taking notes.

Yixing pulls back to look at him but can't help but laugh. "I don't know. I kind of want to take you here." He kisses his cheek, a small laugh bubbling inside Jongdae. "Over there." Another kiss on his other cheek. "Somewhere over there." He kisses the corner of his lips this time. "Anywhere." He whispers against Jongdae's inviting lips and kisses them, loving the feeling of his lips over Jongdae's. The piercing kind of being a bother but he doesn't care because when he pulls away, he tugs on it with his teeth, Jongdae's tongue quickly peeking out to lick on his bottom lip.

"What if I don't show you how I really feel about you if you take me here, and over there, and anywhere? You may think of it as me seeing it as just another fuck, Yixing and I don't want that." Yixing smiles, moving his arms away from Jongdae's waist to cup Jongdae's face instead and look into his eyes.

"You're so precious, Dae. I know you said that this should just be practice, but you already shown me what you really feel about me." Jongdae's face shifts into the most adorable confused face ever, Yixing can't help but laugh and kiss his nose.

"What do you mean?"

"I mean, the second that you showed me that you were OK with me leading you, shows that you're perfectly OK with trusting and finding comfort in me. I know you've showed signs that you were more than OK with being comfortable with me, but when you showed trust in me and that I'm free to lead you in any possible way, shows that you really love me. You don't trust people that easily, but to those that you do trust you feel something huge for them and to me that feeling you feel is love, Jongdae. I know you love me and you don't necessarily have to say it in order for it to be out there and for me to know. I already know now, and I love you too Kim Jongdae. Thank you for trusting me."

Jongdae's eyes are wide with his mouth hanging open a little as he either can't believe it or is shocked to say or do anything. He even stumbles on his words as he can't get them out there. Yixing just laughs and holds Jongdae close as he continues to let the shock go around him. Yixing kisses his cheek to get him to react but Jongdae's jaw is still hanging open and his eyes are still wide. "I-I don't know what to say."

"You don't have to say anything. You could say you love me but once again it would just be another speech and whatever and I just really really want to kiss you and you should kiss me back." Jongdae laughs as he nods, sticks his tongue out to lick his lips then crashes them onto Yixing's. Yixing more than happily kisses him back, his hands finding Jongdae's waist, Jongdae's fingers finding purchase on Yixing's shirt and it's so overwhelming and it's getting so hot, Yixing makes the first move to lift Jongdae's shirt up. He pushes him away though and laughs as he runs off to Yixing's room taking the shopping bag with him, Yixing chasing after him, once again pinning him against his closed door. This time Jongdae let's him remove the shirt, watching how he looks standing there with his shirt off and jeans on. He can't believe someone as beautiful as Jongdae is standing in his room right now and has the chance to call him his. He can't believe he can just stretch his hand out and just run his finger over the dark ink on his chest, tracing the permanent calligraphy then lean forward and kiss him right in the middle of it. He can't believe that Jongdae tilts his head back against the door and closes his eyes and Yixing gets to see him do it, slowly running his fingers over Jongdae's side as he leaves a trail of kisses over collarbones and broad chest.

Jongdae's fingers find the end of his shirt and begins pulling up to remove it, mumbling something about how it's not fair that he's the only one who is shirtless. He shivers as Jongdae's fingers gently skim down his chest to his abs, whispering along the way about something on how he's beautiful to look at. Yixing blushes a little as he's never heard that before. _But you're the true work of art._ He let's Jongdae switch places with him, suddenly pinning him against the door to start attacking his neck with open mouth kisses and small butterfly kisses, a mixture of both that make him feel like it's the most sweetest moment ever but setting his skin on fire when he feels the open mouth kisses against him.

He's growing hotter and hotter by the second as Jongdae continues, palms running up and down against his chest or side, kisses creating trails to find a perfect spot to put his claim of a small bite or suck or both, and Jongdae's body pressing into his. He feels Jongdae's heat radiating off of him and going straight to him, it suffucates the room so Yixing gasps, wanting more and more, pulling Jongdae's head up with a small grip on the back of his hair and begs to be drowned with a deep kiss. He walks Jongdae back to the bed, his knees touching the bed first, gently pushing him down to sit as he stands over him. Something about these looks they're sharing with one another, their mouths slightly agaped, swollen bottom lips begging to be kissed or bitten, Yixing takes it all, his fingers automatically tracing over Jongdae's jaw, running through the dark hair, slightly pulling on it as he needs a haircut, but whether long or short he loves him either way.

They're taking in some air, their bodies falling into a synching rhythm of breathing in and out and staring at one another, wondering who will make a move. Its Jongdae that suddenly hooks his fingers onto Yixing's belt loops and pulls him towards him, kissing his abdomen and slowly moving towards the side of his hip, his hand wrapping on the other side to hold him still. Yixing rolls his head back and bites his lip feeling the sensation of Jongdae's mouth over him. He should be the one doing this but when it comes to Jongdae, he'll let him do this anytime he wants. Let him take the reigns and enjoy the ride.

He reaches into his back pocket to pull out his phone and puts some music on letting the atmosphere take a different turn. Its a bit pointless though because he rather drown in Jongdae right now. He feels Jongdae work his pants open, his eyes opening and automatically looking down at him to watch him. He groans a little as Jongdae's hand rubs up and down his crotch, working him on getting him hard, he blushes a bit. He bites the inside of his lip, a shy smile on his face as Jongdae presses his hand harder and harder against him, kissing his navel and moving dangerously close to his clothed shaft. Jongdae's bold move bursts out suddenly as he pulls his boxers down to reveal the top of his cock and kiss him right above there. A pleasure shiver running down his back, a small moan escaping his lips, Jongdae smiling against him, he leans down and takes Jongdae's lips hard against his. His ears fill him up with heavy breathing, lips smacking with one another and bass thumping with lyrics that seem to fit the mood. He manages to find his way towards Jongdae's crotch, feeling his erection against his hand and begins to rub, getting him to move towards the head of the bed, loving the feeling of his arms wrapping around him.

"Yixing." Jongdae whispers, sounding almost desperate as Yixing kisses down his neck and bites on the top of a collarbone.

"Hmm?"

"Its so hot."

"I got you. Don't worry." Yixing whispers against Jongdae's lips and kisses him as he begins pulling Jongdae's jeans down. Jongdae sighs in relief feeling the cold air hit his legs, but he wraps his legs around Yixing, his hips moving back and forth, rubbing his erection against Jongdae's. He feels so good, Jongdae tastes so good, he wants more. He moves back to take his jeans off, watching Jongdae underneath him bite his lip. He chuckles at him, makes a face at him to get him to laugh, rubs on his erection then leans down to claim what's his. Jongdae claims him back by once again wrapping his arms around him, wrapping his legs around his waist, and kissing him so much. His hips once again find a rhythm, Jongdae finding a rhythm of his own as he moves against him. His head rolls back, his bottom lip gets bitten down, and his neck gets grazed by Jongdae's teeth. He gasps into the room, Jongdae moving on top of him and straddling his lap.

He likes Jongdae on top of him. Likes the way Jongdae cups his face to kiss him. Likes the way Jongdae's tongue explores every centimeter of his mouth, as if every time he does so its his first time. Likes the way Jongdae looks down at him, a dark hooded look on his eyes. Likes the way Jongdae's hips move against him. Its sloppy but he likes it, feels so good because of it, so he guides his hips into a steady rhythm on top of him. Likes Jongdae kissing every part of him. Likes Jongdae moaning, breathing hard, gasping, whining, biting or licking his lips, everything. He inches his hand towards his erection to pull him out and starts moving his hand up and down Jongdae's cock, making him moan out. He feels it throb against his hand, putting a bit more pressure around it as he jerks his hand down and gives it a small twist as he jerks up. Jongdae kisses down his chest, hooking his finger around the waistband of his boxers and let's it go, the elastic hitting against him. Yixing laughs at him, feeling more than one finger hooking around his waistband, pulling down, _down_ , his erection springing free. Jongdae gives him no warning or a chance to react as he suddenly leans down and takes him in his mouth.

"Oh shit, Jongdae." Yixing moans out, Jongdae smiling around the head of his cock. He watches him move up and down him, one hand pinning him down to keep him from bucking up, while the other wraps around the base to twist his wrist around it. Yixing's fingers itch to run across Jongdae's scalp, his mouth hanging open watching him suck up and down. He bites his lip, rolls his head back and feels Jongdae lick underneath his cock, feels Jongdae kiss the side of his cock, feels him suck even lower, feels his shaft hit the back of his throat, and _fuck!_ "How are you so good at that? I thought I was your first."

Jongdae laughs, wiping the side of his lips from his saliva and sits up. "I just know what I like I guess." He says with a shrug, suddenly getting pushed forward as Yixing sits up and kisses him. He laughs as Yixing kisses his nose, gets him to straddle his lap, and wraps his hand around his erection, moving up and down it.

"I guess you know what I like too." He adds, linking his fingers together with Jongdae's, bringing their clasped hands up towards his lips to kiss his wrist, to kiss his knuckles, to kiss him. Jongdae moans, closing his eyes as Yixing's hand gets faster. He whispers words of how beautiful he looks like this, how Yixing likes Jongdae looking disheveled, how everything feels good and right, it makes Jongdae grind against his hand, wanting more. "Let me take them off, yeah?" He asks, referring to Jongdae's boxers, Jongdae nodding as his eyes are closed, focusing on his cock getting pumped up and down. He pushes them down Jongdae's hips, down his legs, and falling around his ankles as Jongdae moved a little to help him take them off better. Jongdae is officially naked in his room, on his bed, breathing hard onto his face as he's straddling his lap and somewhat tensing up above him as Yixing's hand kneads onto Jongdae's ass. He should've asked if he could do that, but he thinks Jongdae tensed a bit because he probably thought that Yixing was going to penetrate him already. "Its OK, baby. Just relax. I won't do it yet."

Jongdae nods, placing his forehead over Yixing's to look into his eyes. "How are you so good at all of this?" Jongdae whispers, gulping down whatever was in his throat, breathing harder as Yixing pulls him closer against him, pumping his hand hard and fast. He kisses his chin to get him to relax, gripping Jongdae's ass and kneading his fingers in it. He wants to answer with a short answer like porn but that's a lie. He could say that he knows what he likes, but really he pictured this moment with Jongdae for a long time. Pictured every second and detail, imagined what Jongdae would like and wouldn't, and so far he's not disappointed and he's hoping that he's not disappointing him.

"You made me good at this."

"How?" Jongdae breathes out, gulping once again as another moan escapes his lips. Yixing is not relenting and he doesn't want to.

"Shut up." He whispers, Jongdae smiling into the kiss that Yixing leans forward to do so. Yixing wants him to lay back but he likes holding Jongdae in his arms, likes Jongdae wrapping his arms around him and resting his forehead with his. Likes Jongdae's mouth over his shoulder but he really should prep him. "Lay back." He orders, Jongdae quickly moving off of him and laying back. He spreads his legs to get between them grinding his hips towards Jongdae who comes alive whenever his cock comes in contact with Yixing's. He kisses down Jongdae's chest and to his stomach, his hands gripping his thighs, running his fingers over them to tickle him or send shivers down his back. Jongdae's fingers run through Yixing's scalp as he's suddenly above Jongdae's cock, but he presses a kiss then moves lower. Jongdae's breath hitches as he thinks Yixing will take him in his mouth, but Yixing just smirks and starts kissing the inside of Jongdae's thighs. He squirms as Yixing laughs, finding a sensitive area, continuing his kissing. He kisses Jongdae's balls, taking one whole in his mouth to suck on, making Jongdae sing as he groans out loud. Making him dance as his back arches off of the bed, biting on his lower lip to keep quiet. "Nuh-uhh. None of that." Yixing scolds, hovering above him to pull his lower lip away from his teeth. Jongdae whines, so Yixing kisses his lips. He places his hands flat against the mattress, grinding his hips against Jongdae. He takes hold of his own erection into his hand and jerks his hand, looking into Jongdae's eyes to ask him the following. "Want to try?" Jongdae bites his lip and nods.

He doesn't reach for the lube right away, instead he explains that he'll run his erection right on him to get some sort of feel. Jongdae agrees and focuses on Yixing leaning forward and running the head of his cock over Jongdae's ass. He jerks a little as it feels a bit foreign, the two laughing but falling into focus as they want this to feel pleasurable. "Can you try a finger?" Jongdae asks so Yixing nods, now reaching for the lube and coating his finger and Jongdae's ass with a ton of it. "I seriously hope we wash your sheets after or your bed might stain."

Yixing laughs out loud at that, losing his balance as his whole body is shaking in laughter. "That's what you're worried about? Your dirty talk is amazing honestly." Jongdae laughs, kissing Yixing as he leans down to kiss him but also distract him while his finger goes around his puckered hole, over it, and a little inside, causing Jongdae's body to jerk from the foreign feeling. "Its OK. You're OK." Yixing comforts, kissing Jongdae's face. He kisses his nose, his eyes, his forehead, his cheeks, his lips. "Relax, baby. I got you." Jongdae nods and forces his body, forces himself to relax. Yixing's finger goes inside and slowly pulls it out, creating a slow rhythm. Jongdae groans a little, getting used to the small intrusion. He gets used to it after maybe three more thrusts, thanks to Yixing helping stretch his legs wider, get him more comfortable and press kisses on his knees and encouraging him that he's doing great. He adds more lube for a second finger then a third and when Jongdae thinks he's ready for the actual thing, Yixing opens a condom, rolls it on and squirts a ton of lube over his cock to make sure he doesn't hurt Jongdae at all. He asks if he's sure one more time, Jongdae nodding that he's ready. Yixing takes in a breath then exhales, pushing Jongdae's legs forward, grabbing his cock to place it over on his entrance and slowly go in, Jongdae encouraging him by moaning so loud, it's music that he rather hear.

He kisses his face all over as he stills for a second, as they actually made it to this stage. This is their first time together, but Yixing won't consider it as their first time until Jongdae says he loves him. So Yixing takes note on everything, studying on different things that will make Jongdae comfortable but feel so much pleasure. For the both of them. He kisses his lips, feeling Jongdae's hot breath ghost over his face, whispering that he should move. He smiles and nods, one more peck onto his lips, and moving his legs over his shoulders as he starts a slow pace. Jongdae's mouth hangs open, gripping the sheets underneath him, closing his eyes tight as he feels good. Yixing can't help but find him cute. _If this is how he's like with me going slow, how will he get if I move faster or harder?_

"Shit, Yixing. Just what the hell have I been missing out on?"

Yixing laughs, leaning down to kiss him. "You're fucking cute." He mumbles on his lips, Jongdae's fingers searching for his to take. They grab tightly onto each other's hands, Yixing's pace slowly picking up more and more. He loves Jongdae around his cock, squeezing him just right, he leans down to kiss the side of his knee, kissing his fingers as he places them over his lips. He watches him and he watches him so intently he loves him even more. He just loves him, so he stops fucking him altogether to just kiss him. "Wanna ride?" He asks, Jongdae laughs as he nods, switching place with him. Yixing lays back on the bed, Jongdae's hand wrapping around his shaft to place it over his entrance, slowly sinking down on him, both simultaneously releasing a moan. Yixing watches Jongdae above him, his lip under the bite of his teeth, releasing moans and encouragements whenever the timing feels right. He likes the focus in Jongdae's eyes as he focuses on bouncing up and down his length, or focuses on grinding his hips against Yixing's. When Yixing thrusts up, they both groan as it feels so so good. Jongdae stays above him until he feels Yixing marking crescents into his hips, guiding him on how to move. He kind of likes being on top too, controlling the pace, kissing Yixing, feeling Yixing's tight hold around him, but likes the feeling of Yixing pounding into him.

Yixing sits up, holding Jongdae above him as he straddles him, bouncing him more and more on his cock. He rolls his head back as Jongdae bites his shoulder, buries his face into the crook of his neck and begs for more. He lays Jongdae back, taking his erection in his hand to jerk him as his hips pound into him, his body pushing Jongdae's legs towards him. There's nothing but Jongdae whining and getting louder and begging for more, as his skin slaps against Jongdae's, the room suffocating them both with the smell of sweat and sex, the light out getting darker, Jongdae's matted hair sticking onto his forehead, so he pushes it back and blows on him like Jongdae did before to cool him off. Jongdae just laughs but closes his eyes tight as Yixing's hips move on autopilot, getting harder and harder and faster and faster. Yixing's hand slams against the wall as he can feel himself get close and he's hoping that so is Jongdae. His mouth hangs open as he's not afraid to moan or groan, whispering how Jongdae feels good around him. They've officially drowned in each other and there's no lifeline for either of them, as they're each others and they're going down.

"Fuck, Jongdae. I'm close."

"Me too."

"Yeah?" Yixing asks, looking down at him as he smiles at his beautiful boyfriend. He holds himself up as he continues to pound into Jongdae's hole, Jongdae jerking himself off. He stops to shift a little to go a little more deeper, hoping to hit Jongdae's sweet spot, but he's not sure if he's even doing so. If not, there's always another time. In the meantime he just watches Jongdae, leaning down to kiss the side of his arm, watching Jongdae's hand go furiously up and down his cock. "Baby, cum with me?" Jongdae nods, going faster as he feels on the edge as Yixing pounds into him even more than before. He closes his eyes tight as he feels himself slowly tipping over the edge, Yixing groaning as he's slowly tipping over also. "Look at me." Yixing groans out, Jongdae opening his eyes to look, suddenly falling over and feeling his body grow stiff as he succumnbs into ecstasy, his mouth open wide as he moans out loud, his body arching off the bed, whispering out Yixing's name.

Yixing gasps for air as he gets close and when it hits he curses out, whispering out Jongdae's name into the crook of his neck. "Fuck that felt so so good." Yixing laughs, slowly pulling out from Jongdae, so glad he spilled into the condom. Jongdae laughs too, his body glowing from the sheen sweat all over his body. Yixing can't help but kiss him, Jongdae wrapping his arms around him to pull him down to kiss him back. Yixing laughs when they pull away, pressing his forehead with Jongdae's and feeling his hot breath hit against his face as he's trying to get his breathing back to normal. Once again the overwhelming feeling of love creeping up in him as he watches Jongdae under him close his eyes, slowly breathing in and out. "I love you." He whispers, he feels it come to him from deep within, he means it. Jongdae opens his eyes to look directly at him. He opens his mouth, Yixing thinking this is it, he'll say it back, instead-

"I-I'm hungry. Want some cup of noodles?" Yixing laughs out loud at that and kisses him. This is Jongdae's way of saying 'I love you' he knows that now and he loves it. He nods and sits up, pulling Jongdae up with him as he carefully removes the condom, Jongdae slowly moving to get something to clean him up. To clean their mess up, singing along to whatever song just came on, falling into the comfortable atmosphere once again. Yixing kisses him, thanking him for what they did, while Jongdae just blushes and complains that his ass will hurt forever. Yixing just laughs telling him that he'll heal his aas forever then, kissing him again, this time Jongdae kissing back and smiling into it.

"I'll miss you when you leave."

"I'll miss you too. We at least have this time right now." Jongdae rests his head onto Yixing's shoulder, after kissing over a mark he did on him. Jongdae is not marked as much as Yixing first imagined it but it was still perfect. He will never change a thing about it. He will never change him. He's amazing the way he is now.

-

"Hey. Does a Kim Jongdae work here?"

"Yeah. He's not in though, should I call him up for you or something?"

"No that's fine. I just-"

"You're looking for Kim Jongdae?" A girl in black with a nose piercing asks, almost sounding and looking kind of angry.

"Yeah. Have you see him?"

"Nope. The fucking jackass lied saying he'll be at work but he's not here. What do you want with him?" She asks. There's a hint of fear but also interest? She's kind of interesting.

"Just wanted to talk to him. Do you know him?"

"He's my fucking boyfriend, of course I know him."

"Really?" His interest is officially piqued. He steps forward, his hand stretching out for her to shake. "I'm Luhan. What's your name?"

"Veronica." She answers, a smile on her face as she stretches her hand out to shake Luhan's hand.

"Tell me, Veronica. How long have you and Jongdae been dating?"

Veronica smirks. She's kind of charming, Luhan thinks, and maybe not so bad as he continues looking at her. His phone rings once again but he silences it as he can talk to Minseok later, especially now that he's about to get good details and he's sure that Minseok would be interested in hearing them.

"Think you got time to sit and hear the details?"

"Of course. Anything Jongdae related, I'm interested in." _Screw finding him and trying to talk to him. This is way better._ He follows Veronica towards a booth, sitting across from each other as Veronica tells him on how long her and Jongdae have been dating and whatever else he could find out from her.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Luhan you shit! Jk. No but things might get interesting from here on out. I hope. I seriously hope the smut was at least enjoyable or decent. If you have anything in mind that can maybe make it better, don't hesitate on letting me know. ^^ Thank you to Mr. DeanTRBL for an album that kept me up and helped me write this. Lol you're the best. Thank you to every one of you for liking, subscribing, voting, commenting, reading, glancing, kudos, hits, and everything in between. You have no idea how much in the world it means to me. Sincerely thank you. ^^
> 
> Stay With Me is now on Asianfanfics! So if you're interested on reading there, you can do so **[here!](https://www.asianfanfics.com/story/view/1110551/stay-with-me-chenlay-xingdae-highschoolau-laychen-kimjongbros-minorcharacterdea-punkau/18)** Any questions or comments or critiques or you just want to say hi or yell at me for whatever, you can do so **[here.](http://ask.fm/piratenat)** Thank you so so much once again, I hope you have a wonderful day or night. Until next time! ^^ ✌☺


	13. Chapter 13

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is probably eh so I apologize if it seems rushed and not at all angsty and once again filler like. I'm also sorry that it's posted late. I also must warn that even though there isn't much but just in case there's bad words. So if you don't like that then DO NOT READ! Thank you! ^^ There's also more dialogue so yeah just letting you know. Happy reading! Enjoy! ^^

Yixing waits patiently as he lays on his stomach on the bed for the call to get answered. He looks around the hotel room as both Sehun and Jongin are on the small couch looking through some videos on Sehun's phone, while Tao stands in front of the mirror working on his facial expressions. He laughs as Tao pulls a sexy lip bite look then quickly smiles and winks at his reflection. It's a bit awkward pulling those kind of faces by yourself, but Tao doesn't care if others are looking or not. Its such a Tao thing to do, but Yixing thinks it's kind of cute. Tao is cute in that sort of way.

He looks at his computer screen to check the call but no one has answered yet. You would think that Jongdae would answer automatically but Jongdae is just as bad as his mom is with technology. His mom takes at least 2 long tries to finally answer, and so far Jongdae hasn't answered at all, Yixing is sure the call is about to end. He looks up one more time as one of their new dancers, one of Jongin's friends from his history class, Taemin, walks into the room and sits with both Jongin and Sehun, telling them that they need to watch a video. Tao quickly walks over to check it out, calling Yixing to check it out also, when he hears the call get answered and his screen automatically changes into a scene of Jongdae's nostrils.

"Hi baby!" His mom yells out, probably waving but he can't see it because their screen is probably tilted wrong. He laughs at them.

"Momma, tilt the screen back. All I see is Jongdae's nose." He says, growing quiet as he hears both Jongdae and his mom laughing. He smiles at the thought of the both of them hanging out, wishing he could be there, but under push and command of Jongdae, he's up north in a different city, in a somewhat fancy hotel that both Kris and Junmyeon paid for because they're suckers for their younger brothers and spoil them rotten. He watches the screen move, revealing the ceiling but then slowly move down to reveal both Jongdae and his mom sitting together on the smallest couch, leaning forward to wave at the camera. He laughs as he waves back, noticing that Jongdae has curlers in his hair. "Are you trying to play dress up with him?" He asks his mom, as she widens her eyes and shushes him, smiling at Jongdae as if she didn't just shush her son. Jongdae noticed though and just laughs.

"He said that he didn't mind, so here we are."

"Be careful, Dae. She might convince you to do your nails too."

"Too late." Jongdae says, revealing his nails as they're painted black with stars, moons, planets and something that looks like hearts. His mom makes some sort of cheer at the back as she leans forward and shows her nails too. Hers are painted red with some sort of person on them. He leans forward to get a closer look, and sure enough there's a pin up looking woman painted on one of her nails while the other is a profile of a woman with a flower in her hair. Its so detailed, he's sure that Jongdae was the one who painted it on.

"Wow. Did you guys do those?"

"Just the rose. We sort of bought little nail stickers to put them on." Jongdae answers, leaning back as his mom leans forward for Yixing to get a better closer look. They're hanging out and having fun without him. He's jealous. But he's liking the idea of his mom and Jongdae hanging out together. Jongdae never had that with his mom. "How are things over there?" Yixing blushes a little, looking over at the small group of boys hanging out on the couch. They're growing loud and by his mom's and Jongdae's expression, they could hear them.

"Sounds like someone is having fun over there."

"They're watching videos on their phone." He answers, getting up from the bed to head to the bathroom and close the door behind him. He sits on the floor by the toilet and sets the laptop down on top of the bath, angling it so he could see them better. He smiles and waves as he hasn't really greeted them. "What are you guys doing over there without me?" His mom takes hold of Jongdae's hand as he laughs.

"Told you he'll be jealous. We're doing nothing, honey. Just hanging out."

"Right." He drags it out, smiling at the two of them as they're trying to deny that they're not having fun without him.

"We're serious. Jongdae is kind of boring. So I'm just here wasting my week when I could be working." Yixing gets his mother's humor, but when Jongdae looks all wide eyed at her, his mouth slightly agaped as if he's shocked or surprised, both Yixing and his mom laugh at him. "No, sweetie. I'm kidding. I'm having fun with you and like being around you. I'm only kidding. Don't listen to me." Yixing laughs at his boyfriend as his mom pulls him into a hug. He then grows quiet as he remembers Jongdae and his own relationship with his mom. Yixing's mom hugs Jongdae tight, the kind of tight hugs she gives him or would give to him for whatever little thing he did. The warm tight hugs that just show that she loves him and now she's doing it to Jongdae who hugs her just as tight back. Taking the hug in as he never had that with his mom. Probably wishing he did. It makes Yixing sad and miss Jongdae even more as he wants to hug him that way also. But it's only been two days of him being gone from him and already he misses him so much.

"How's the competition looking so far? When do you guys compete?" Yixing laughs as Jongdae's hair curler suddenly falls on his lap, laughing out loud at the action and the fact that it curled his hair. He watches his mom laugh also, taking the curler in her hand to put it back in his hair. "He was sure his hair wouldn't curl at all, seems like it worked."

"It will probably flatten in a few hours. Or at work."

"You have work today?" Yixing asks, reaching for his phone to check the time. Its an hour after 6. He should have been at work already. Probably getting off of work.

Jongdae sits still as he answers. "I have a late shift today. Also Saint Zhang sort of did call me to get out school early for lunch because she was lonely, so I traded shifts with someone." Yixing looks over at his mom very seriously while she snickers to herself and fixes Jongdae's curler back in his hair. She knows her son is giving her the "parental" look.

"What? I was! You get lonely too. I take you out early from school sometimes to have breakfast or lunch together. You know that. Plus you did make us promise that we'll spend the whole week together, so that's what I'm doing."

"Yeah but mom-"

"Its seriously alright. I don't mind." Jongdae adds. He knows that Yixing was going to "scold" his mom in his favor. He really doesn't mind his mom making him leave early or anything. He likes her company. He'll do anything for her. Yixing now gets that now, as he watches his mom fix the other curlers, Jongdae seems to smile so bright as his mom mumbles something about not wanting the others to fall off.

"Sorry. At what time do you get off then?"

"Midnight."

"That late?!" Yixing yells out as his mom nods as she agrees.

"Its not that late." Jongdae defends, playing with the corner of one of the pillows he suddenly started to hold against him.

"For a young man like you, it's late." His mom adds, sitting back down as she finished. She looks at Jongdae's hair one more time to check if they look alright, her hand reaching up to fix one of them one last time.

"Its not so bad. I've gotten off much later before. Its actually a bit better doing late night shifts. There's less people."

"How much is much later?" Yixing asks. Jongdae tightens his lips into a line then laughs out of nervousness.

"6 am later."

"6 am?!" Both Yixing and his mom yell out as Jongdae continues to laugh his nervous like laughter.

"It was during summer break and I had nothing better to do so I said that I'll do it. They gave me the day off the next day, so it's alright getting off at midnight. I'll even go home after so I won't wake you Saint Zhang."

"Honey, I'll be awake at midnight waiting up for you. I'll even pick you up and bring you back myself. Its no problem." Yixing loves his mom so much. He can't help but smile and agree with her.

"That's true, Dae. Just call her after work and she'll pick you up. It won't be a problem for her."

"Oh but... it's late for you to be out and about by yourself at that hour though." Jongdae says shyly, scratching the side of his face as he wasn't sure on how to word that whole sentence. Yixing smiles at him as Jongdae was worried for her safety, while his mom seems offended?

"What? You don't think I can handle myself. I come off from work at 4 in the morning every day. Maybe later and I'm still here. I'll be alright. Trust me."

"Sorry." Jongdae whispers, looking down to avoid making eye contact with her. "I didn't mean to offend you."

"If anything those who are out there and think about messing with me should be offended. I'll be OK. Just call me after, OK?" Jongdae nods as he finally looks up at her and smiles. Yixing's mom smiles back and pulls Jongdae into a hug, quickly letting go to gather her stuff as she seems to be leaving now. "I'm going to go work some more on our little project. Clearly my son is interested in talking to you more than me, I'll be outside if you need anything. OK?"

Jongdae laughs as he nods while Yixing is flustered. "That's not true mom. I love you."

"I know, I know. I love you too. But talk to Jongdae. I know you miss him. Good luck over there and remember to have fun. I love you."

"I will. Love you." Yixing watches his mom leave but hears her mumble something to Jongdae as he nods then laughs. She probably said something about Yixing or something about removing the hair curlers from his hair as soon as they're ready. He doesn't care. He finally has Jongdae to himself. He loves his mom and doesn't mind his mom being there with them, but really, he really misses Jongdae the most right now and knows that him and Jongdae would've had a blast together if Jongdae went with him. He sits there smiling as he watches Jongdae mess around with his phone then sets it down on top of the coffee table. He looks so happy and relaxed. Yixing feels nothing but happy for him.

"How was school?" Yixing asks first, laughing as Jongdae's face turns into disgust.

"The worst. I really wish you didn't tell your friends to 'take care of me'. I have Baekhyun's scent all over me now."

Yixing laughs out loud at that. He can imagine what Baekhyun did. "Did he rub himself all over you?"

"Yeah! He said, 'that way he can pick up my scent and find me faster'. Is he some sort of hybrid or some shit? Does he think of himself as a werewolf?" Yixing can only laugh as he doesn't know what to say.

"Baekhyun is something… else. He's special."

"Yup. Figured that out today. He's alright company I guess." Jongdae adds with a small shrug after. Yixing smiles as Jongdae is slowly getting the hang of being around Yixing's other friends. He likes that. Or likes that he's at least trying.

"What's this project you and my mom are working on?" Yixing asks, reaching for his phone as he got a text. He doesn't bother looking at it, just looks at the time.

"Oh!" Jongdae's face lights up but then laughs as he shakes his head. "I shouldn't tell you it's a surprise, sort of. Your mom will kill me."

"No she won't." Yixing laughs. "She's probably down to adopt you. Come on. Please tell me." He sticks his lower lip out to pout and gives him his best puppy eyes he can pull off, hoping it works and makes Jongdae tell him the surprise. Jongdae though is still shaking his head.

"No. I can't. Well it's mostly something about your grandmother, but your mom did say that you'll like it... I don't know."

"My grandmother? OK now you have to tell me."

"Fine. We're working on like a small gardening thing for your grandmother. I know she liked sunflowers and things like that so we went to go buy a small statue thing and fountain thing and a bunch of flowers, sort of like making something to honor her memory."

Yixing is speechless. "A memorial for my grandmother?"

"That's what they're called? I always called them statue things. But yeah a small memorial for your grandmother for your backyard. Is that OK?" Yixing doesn't know what to say. Jongdae who gets praised as the bad guy is working on a memorial for his grandmother, with his mother, and using it as a way to surprise him. He's more than OK with it. But he just can't believe that Jongdae is doing this for him. He doesn't have to but yet he's doing it.

"Thats more than OK, but Jongdae why-"

Jongdae shrugs a little. "I know she meant a lot to you and your mom talked about wanting to do some work for the backyard so I asked her if I could help her and she said yes. I mentioned to her doing a small memorial thing for your grandmother and she loved the idea so that's our special project. It was suppose to be a surprise but now you know I guess. If you say no I'll let her know and we can-"

"Jongdae."

"Yeah?"

"I love you. You know that?"

"Yeah-"

"I wish I was there or you were here so I can hug you or kiss you. Thank you for that. It really, really, means a lot to me."

Jongdae laughs then nods. "You're welcome. I miss you."

"I miss you too." They stay quiet for a minute. Jongdae decides to speak up now, hating the silence between them.

"So how's the competition over there? Are you guys having fun? Is Jongin OK?" Yixing just laughs and answers every question Jongdae throws at him. Jongdae hums after then nods his head. "Are they pretty girls?" He suddenly asks, making Yixing laugh out loud.

"Not as pretty as you."

"I meant for Jongin. But thank you. I feel better already." Yixing laughs as he grabs his phone and looks through it to show Jongdae something, meanwhile he sits there watching Yixing. "You forgot your contacts, didn't you?"

"What?"

"You're wearing glasses. You forgot your contacts?"

"Oh yeah. Good thing I always bring my glasses. I just take them off when we perform." Yixing says, shoving his glasses forward as they were slipping off a little. He hears Jongdae laugh at him, blushing a little as he knows what Jongdae was thinking. "I'm not cute."

"Yes you are." Jongdae retorts. "So cute. And also hot. Especially with your hair pushed back." Yixing continues to blush as he finally found what he was looking for and leans forward to show Jongdae his phone screen.

"Can you see it?"

"What is it?"

"A picture of Jongin with some of the girls we met."

"Its too pixely. Why don't you send it to me?"

"I just realized that." Yixing says with a laugh as Jongdae laughs along with him. He looks down on his phone to send Jongdae the picture.

"My sexy nerd is a dumbdumb sometimes." Yixing laughs out loud at that, looking up at him to stick his tongue out while Jongdae laughs.

"My sexy punk ass guy is wearing curlers in his hair and playing dress up with my mom. That's so punk rock!"

"Hell yeah it is! I wanna see the next fucker play dress up with their mom's, see if they'll do it or not."

"I seriously love that you call my mom your mom, yet you keep calling her Saint Zhang."

Jongdae laughs at that. "Her name is Zhang and she's a saint, so Saint Zhang." They continue their small conversation like that for a real long time until Yixing's mom walks back inside and announces that Jongdae needs to go to work. Yixing frowns as he forgot about that but feels a bit better that Jongdae agreed for his mom to drop him off. She starts removing the hair curlers off of Jongdae's hair, laughing out loud as the curlers worked and his hair is now a giant mess of thick curls. As soon as his mom ran her fingers through his hair, the curls loosen a bit and instead of being thick curls, they were now small wavy curls spread all around. It oddly suited him. Yixing smiled as he remembered picturing Jongdae once with curly hair. Yixing's hair himself gets curly sometimes and now that Jongdae's hair is curly, they would probably look like siblings or distant cousins with the same type of hair.

"Curly hair fits you really well, hun. Maybe you should get it permanent."

Jongdae laughs at the comment as he stands up and starts ruffling his hair. "I don't think so, Saint Zhang. I'll probably get annoyed with my fingers getting caught in the curls." He shoves his phone into his back pocket then leans down to give Yixing a peace sign then runs off.

"Where's he going?"

"To probably grab his stuff from your room. I didn't even ask you if you were OK with him staying there while you're gone."

Yixing smiles as he nods. "Yeah mom it's fine. I don't mind. He didn't like grandma's room?"

"Its not that." His mom says shaking her head. "He felt that maybe he'll intrude if he slept in there. He's also probably more comfortable staying in your room, but I'm sure he's sleeping on the floor since I, not once seen that bed messy, or it could be that he makes the bed before he leaves. Who knows. How's his brother doing? Is he OK?"

"He's OK." Yixing answers. He smiles as he remembers how Jongin got when they were meeting some of the other dancers. He seemed so excited to meet them all but was also a bit shy to talk to any of them, especially when it came down to asking about tips or pointers on dancing. Or it could be because the girls were really pretty and he becomes a shy awkward mess around them. According to Jongdae it's probably the latter. And also because his dream is to dance on stage and there's a ton of dancers competing that have done so already, Jongin is probably feeling a little ashamed for not reaching that level yet when kids his age have already accomplished it. Yixing did noticed that after, Jongin grew serious, as if determined to work extra hard than he already does. He knows that feeling well. "He's having fun but he also wants to work hard to at least get to finals. He also misses Jongdae but is trying not to show it."

His mom laughs at that then looks up as Jongdae walks back into the room, his backpack at his side, and his work uniform hanging on his arm. "Ready to go?" She asks him. Yixing frowns or pouts actually. He wants to tell Jongdae bye by kissing him or hugging him but he can't because he's not there. He wants to talk to Jongdae some more but he is sitting on the floor in a hotel bathroom, any minute now the guys are going to try barging in because they need to use it pretty badly. Jongdae notices his pouting and laughs.

"You know I'll text you at work."

"I know. I just... you suck for making me come without you." Jongdae can't help but laugh out loud some more, his mom rolling her eyes at him for being so dramatic but secretly finds it cute.

"You'll be OK. I'll just get in your way anyway and you need to focus to at least qualify."

"Fine." Yixing pouts, crossing his arms across his chest as he looks away. Jongdae laughs as he sits down on the couch while his mom leans forward to probably end the call already.

"We love you. Be safe, OK? Have fun."

"I love you." Yixing answers back, waving at the two of them, smiling as he watches Jongdae wave with one hand while the other moves a finger to his lips and winks at him, his mom mumbling something on how to bloody turn off the thing. Jongdae laughs then suddenly the call ends, leaving Yixing pouting. His phone then rings as he received a text then laughs as Jongdae sent him a picture of himself pouting and holding one of Yixing's stuffed bunnies he had hidden in his closet. "We miss you." He read out loud, quickly pressing reply to reply back. "I miss you more." When he walks out, giving Sehun his laptop back as he left his at home for them to use, he expects some teasing but it never comes. They know that it would just make him miss Jongdae even more.

-

According to Jongin, Jongdae is apparently back into his Disney mood as he once again is sending him "inspirational" Disney quotes for Jongin to do great. Its barely Wednesday and already Yixing wants to go home and cuddle with Jongdae and watch all the Disney movies he can watch, until he gets distracted by his neck or lips or anything really. They've been rehearsing all day trying to come up with dance moves and get inspiration everywhere so they can get in the mood of dancing instead of sitting around all day. They watched a ton of videos that other dance groups have done and so far they feel that they need to step it up if they want to qualify. Some of these dance groups are pretty known already and Yixing is feeling the pressure of not being a good leader as he's the one in charge of all of them. Their dance coach who went with them is just there to be there and hasn't done any effort at helping them at all. So when she said that she'll help them rehearse, Yixing made everyone grab their stuff and ditched her as they all took the bus to go wherever but there where she could find them. Its hard though because she's good at picking up people's dance styles pretty quickly while Yixing needs at least a week to figure that out and they don't have a week to do so.

They're sitting outside on some steps of what seems to be a court house, talking amongst each other while Yixing scratches his head as he's trying to figure out some of the dance moves. This could've been easier if it was just him, Jongin, and Sehun but this is everyone's biggest shot and he doesn't want to let any of them down. Its hard though as he hasn't had his daily dose of inspiration yet but apparently Jongin is getting it right this moment, hearing from Sehun and Tao that Jongin didn't sleep much as he was too busy practicing his dancing. Jongdae somehow found out or maybe Jongin told him, so Jongdae is busy doing that. Disney quotes and songs seems to be working though as every time Jongin gets a message, he laughs.

"Do we have a song to dance to?" One of the new guys yells out. Yixing blushes a little as he honestly still doesn't fully remember their names and who it belongs to. The stress of trying to come up with something decent is getting to him.

"He makes up the songs by himself. We don't need to pick a song." Tao adds, Yixing feels relieved that he's not fully alone in this.

"Well has he _'made up'_ a song yet? We compete on Saturday and so far we have nothing." Yixing feels Jongin look up and glare daggers at the new guy. He should step up or else people are going to walk all over him and if he doesn't step up there could be a fight and that's the last thing he wants. He's starting to think that the new guy is one of the guys that Jongin didn't really want in the team. Yixing is kind of starting to see why.

"No he hasn't _made up_ a song yet." Jongin mocks him just slightly. "If he made up a song already, he would've told us. In the meantime, sit back and wait until we figure this out." Tao nods as he crosses his arms across his chest and Jongin goes back to texting his brother. Yixing feels a small weight off his shoulders but he still wishes for Jongdae to text him some inspiration or some encouragement because right now he doesn't know what to do.

"How about we just dance to see everyone's dancing style?" Sehun suggests. Yixing nods as he has been thinking about doing that, he's just not sure how to get to it.

"We also need to get the word out on us being a group." Tao adds, crouching down now to quietly tell both Yixing and Sehun. They both nod but Yixing shrugs as he has no idea how to do that.

"YouTube?" Sehun suggests, letting out a small whine after as Tao smacked his arm.

"We don't even have a group name, how are we going to get our name out?"

"Aren't we using the same old name?" He asks as he looks at Yixing. Yixing looks at Jongin who just shrugs.

"I don't know. Maybe? I mean our name fits our style, now we have new members, we need something that fits all of our styles."

"Then let's figure out everyone's style then." Tao stands up then claps his hands to get everyone's attention. "Alright listen up! Leader is about to talk!" Yixing rolls his eyes but smiles after as he appreciates his friends helping him. He clears his throat then begins explaining what they need to do today so they can quickly get started on actually coming up with something. They all listen and they all nod after as they agree with the plan. They spent the next few hours dancing and taking note on every individual dancer, Yixing trying to come up with pairs that will work or not. When that is done he pairs them off and sees of they work or not. He's starting to get a good feeling about the new dance group. When he tells them to take a break, he checks his phone and smiles as Jongdae texted him and sent him a picture.

 _If you're scared, just be scarier than whatever is scaring you._ He opens the picture and laughs as Jongdae is making a claw with his hand and is "roaring" at him.

"How is that scary? That's too cute, Dae."

_Use your imagination and pretend it's scary, jeez Xing._

"Lol. STOP TEXTING ME! You're making me miss you more than I already am."

_Good! I miss you too. Seriously though, scare these kids and show them you're top alpha. You can do this. I believe in you._

"Thank you, love. I really needed that. You're alpha's mate but there's nothing scary about you. How are they going to take me seriously with you being cute though?"

_I'll go over there right now and kick some ass. Is that what you want?_

Yixing laughs again then looks around to see if anyone is watching him. He noticed that Jongin, Sehun, and Tao were staring, knowing looks and smiles on their faces, causing him to blush a little. He clears his throat then looks down at his phone to reply back. "If you do come up here, we won't be seen by anyone. I'm keeping you all to myself." It takes Jongdae a while to text back, and when he does Yixing laughs out loud and almost chokes on his food.

_Damn, Yixing! Someone is trying to be a fuckboi over there. Just be straight up and ask for a naked pic of me already and that's it._

"Shut up! I'm not trying to be anything but if you really want to I really don't mind getting them." Once again Jongdae takes a while to reply but it's only because he took his time to actually send a picture to him. Yixing is a bit nervous on opening the message. Just what exactly can the picture be? Jongdae could be fully clothed, or not wearing anything at all or if he's really trying to be a little trolling shit, it's probably a picture he found on the internet. Yixing doubts it though as he doesn't even know how to do that on his phone. Its definitely a picture he took. He opens it and sure enough Jongdae is shirtless and taking a mirror pic but there's mostly focus on his stomach area where there's something written across it.

 _NO MEANS NO YOU CREEP!_ Yixing laughs then quickly replies.

"I'm glad you're keeping your priorities. I love you! I'll talk to you later." Jongdae replies back with a small video or gif thing where he sent a series of pictures that turned into a video. He did a heart with his hand then leans forward and sends a kiss towards the camera then waves goodbye. Yixing grins and can't help but continue watching the little video. Jongdae sort of said that he loves him too. Its not actually him saying it out loud but it's a start. Jongdae is slowly getting there. He feels happy and both encouraged and inspired to get this day done with good positive outcomes.

-

On Friday night Yixing was nervous. He had some sort of gut feeling that something was going to go wrong. For the life of him he could not figure out what it was. He got the song that they were going to do, the choreography is all done, the guys already went out and bought matching stuff for the competition, he just didn't know what was wrong or what exactly he was missing out on. He made sure that everyone knew their parts and everything. He got Chanyeol's permission and his band's also to use some part of their songs for the choreography. He got Jongdae to send him some songs he's singing along to, to compose it to the music he was working on, but the horrible gut feeling in his stomach won't go away. It's not like they were performing that night. They were performing on Saturday but somehow he felt that maybe his horrible stomach feeling was a sign of something. Possibly a warning to keep his eyes open. To stay alert.

When they went back to the hotel, after watching the first half of the competition, Yixing received a phone call from his mom that once again made his stomach hurt. Jongdae was missing and Yixing couldn't do or say anything due to the fact that he was somewhere else and all he really could do is stay put and call Jongdae. So that's what he did. He called Jongdae and kept calling him and calling him and calling him but Jongdae would not answer at all. He tried again and apparently whatever is going on, made Jongdae turn off his phone as Yixing went straight to voicemail. He asked Jongin if he knew anything, but it only made Jongin grow worried. Something he shouldn't have done because he didn't mean to make him worry. Still though, the both of them tried calling their friends at home if they heard anything from him, but they all gave the same answer.

"We didn't see him at school today."

"That's impossible though, my mom said that she dropped him off." Yixing says as he paces back and forth in the room as Sehun and Tao are in the room trying to help the two figure out where Jongdae could be. There's only two people that keep coming up in Yixing's mind who may know where he is. That's Veronica and possibly those men who keep looking for him. Unfortunately he doesn't have any of their numbers and Yixing doubts anyone would have those men's number or if they'll even tell him the truth so that leaves Veronica. He can't ask Jongin if he knows her or any of their friends. He's hoping to whatever higher up is listening that they're just overreacting and Jongdae is OK. That there's been a mix up with his mom and Jongdae will show up any minute now.

"Maybe she dropped him off and he snuck out. Or he disappeared before any of them saw him. That's why they think that he wasn't at school today." Sehun says, following Yixing pace back and forth. Tao got off the phone the same time Jongin received a text.

"He was apparently in our class today."

"He wasn't in Kyungsoo's. He just told me." Yixing frowns. Something is wrong. Something is not right. He tries Jongdae's phone once again in case he turned it back on, but all he got was the voicemail. He calls his mom but she hasn't heard anything from him at all.

"He didn't tell you anything or act differently or something?"

"No, sweetie. I dropped him off at school, told him I'll pick him up after, but he never showed up. Baekhyun told me that apparently he wasn't in school today since they haven't seen him all day. I went to his work and they haven't seen him either. They said that he hasn't showed up."

"He has work today?" Jongin asked, since Yixing put his mom on speaker phone. He feels that Jongin has every right to hear what his mom has to say.

"Yeah. Right after school actually. They said that he hasn't called to get the day off or that he'll be late or anything. We can't exactly go to the cops since it hasn't been 24 hours that he's missing."

"That's such a stupid rule." Tao mumbles while Jongin says loudly that they shouldn't go to the cops at all.

"He'll get in trouble with them." He whispers for Yixing to hear but he knows his mom heard loud and clear.

"I'm sorry, sweetie but if your brother is missing we need to tell the cops. You never know nowadays. He could've gotten kidnapped."

"She's right, Jongin." Sehun says, placing a hand on his friends shoulder to give it a squeeze. "But whatever is up, he's a strong guy. He'll be OK." Yixing wishes he had someone to comfort him, preferably Jongdae, but he can't… doesn't want to think too much about Jongdae at all because the second he let's those thoughts of Jongdae being missing take over is the second he'll let fear and heartache take over him. He wants to cry and run out and look for him himself. But where does he even begin? He doesn't even know where Jongdae's place is at to at least get someone to look for Veronica and ask her if she knows where he is. He doesn't know what to do other than stay in the hotel room and hope for great news.

"Honey, how are you doing?" He hears his mom ask but he doesn't even know what to say. Tao takes the phone from him instead and answers in mandarin. Sehun and Jongin watch him, but Jongin stretches his arm out to grab hold of his hand and give it a squeeze. Doing it exactly the same way Jongdae does. He flinched a little, thinking for a second that it was Jongdae touching him, but when he realizes that it's Jongin he stands up and pulls him aside.

"Do you know where your dad lives? I think there's someone there that may know where he is."

"You mean my dad? He's not going to know where he is. Why do you think I haven't called him up yet? He's a piece of shit." Yixing frowns. He needs to tell him the truth. He shouldn't be the one to tell him, but he needs to know in order to find Jongdae.

"Ge!" Tao yells out, getting Yixing's attention and handing his phone back to him. He hasn't heard that in a while. He takes the phone and places it over his ear as his mom tells him that it will be OK and that Tao's brother and Sehun's as well will go out and look for him. He just nods and promises that he won't do anything and stay put. When he ends the call, Yixing frowns then takes in a big breath.

"Jongin..." he sighs, to hesitate to get his words together to let them out. This isn't easy but he needs to tell him. It wasn't the way Jongdae planned to tell him but- "Your dad is dead."

"What?"

"He died. Of alcohol poisoning. Jongdae wanted to tell you but he was so sure that if he were that you were going to hate him forever. We planned on telling you together and earlier but then you came out with news of your mom and, I don't know everything just sort of got pushed back especially with this dance competition happening and Jongdae wanted you to have fun and everything during this and I'm sorry Jongin." Yixing tries to read his expression but it's unreadable. He doesn't know what he's thinking.

"Does he know about mom?"

Yixing arches his eyebrow at that. "No. I didn't tell him anything. Jongin, your dad-"

"So he died. What can I do? It was bound to happen anyway."

Yixing is confused. He was so sure that Jongin would be upset. "Aren't you? You know..."

"No. I mean yes, but my shithole of my dad stopped being my dad when I found out that he started beating on Jongdae. He stopped being my dad when he stopped giving a shit about me and him. Its upsetting and even more so that Jongdae tried so hard to act that he was still alive and that I still cared about him but I honestly don't care. That may come off as me being a really horrible son or whatever but my hyung was more of a father figure than he ever was. I know that all this time it was him working and sending me money. I just didn't know what my dad is dead."

Yixing doesn't know what to say. What does he even do? All this time Jongdae was worried that Jongin would hate him but it turns out that Jongin knew all along that Jongdae was the one actually taking care of him. He's even angry at his dad, who used to take care of Jongdae as his actual son, then started beating him, and now won't even consider him as his dad anymore. "I'm still sorry Jongin. We shouldn't have kept it from you. Jongdae was just afraid."

"I know. Its that what you wanted to tell me or there's more?"

"There's more."

"What is it?"

"Jongdae has a friend living there in the meantime to, give the illusion I guess, that your dad is still alive. The thing is though she may know where he is. He may actually be there with her right now."

"You mean Veronica?"

"You know who she is?"

Jongin smiles as he nods but then grows serious. "Of course. She's just as bad as my dad I think. Maybe worse. You think she may know where he is?"

"If he's not answering his phone then she may actually have something to do with him missing." Yixing adds, getting his phone ready to call Luhan or Minseok to go look over at the apartment. Jongin widens his eyes then shivers a little as he tells Yixing the address of where his dad used to live. Tao and Sehun both tell Junmyeon and Kris while Yixing tells Luhan. No one gives them news right away.

-

Its around early morning when Yixing wakes up abruptly from some banging on the door. He fell asleep on the couch, not meaning to but no one gave him news of where Jongdae could be and as much as he tried to stay up, he couldn't. Apparently Veronica wasn't in the apartment at all so he called the search over seeing how there wasn't a point if their only lead was missing also. Now he thinks that the men are actually the ones that took him. But like his mom said, they have to wait 24 hours to get police involved, even though it's only been a couple. He gets up to answer the door, probably some of the new guys excited that they finally get to compete today and they should get ready and go rehearse so they can be ready. He's not feeling it today, in fact he's getting that horrible stomach feeling again that's giving him a warning that something is about to happen. He doesn't like that feeling at all. He opens the door slightly to tell the guys that he doesn't feel well but the door gets pushed open all the way and in barges Jongdae dragging Veronica with him.

"Jongdae?! Oh my God. Thank fuck you're OK. Where you've been?" He steps forward to hug him or to kiss him but Jongdae suddenly moves back as if he didn't want him to touch him. He doesn't know what he did for Jongdae to react that way. "Are you OK?"

"Is it true what she said?" Yixing could hear a broken tone coming out from him, his stomach ache getting worse. What did Veronica say to him? He seems so hurt and upset, she probably lied to him.

"What did she say?"

"THAT MY FUCKING MOTHER IS DYING!" He yelled out. Yixing could see the guys waking up on the bed, they all slept together as they didn't want Jongin to sleep alone. When Jongin sits up and rubs his eyes then notices that Jongdae is in the room, he quickly gets off the bed and runs to him but Jongdae pushes him away also. Jongdae is clearly hurt if he even doesn't want Jongin near him. This is what he had feared.

"Hyung, you're OK. Where you've been?"

"Driving my ass all the way over here to confirm what the bitch said." Yixing flinched at the word bitch. He may not like Veronica at all but the way Jongdae called her that, there was so much hatred and anger. It didn't sound like Jongdae at all.

"What did she say?" Jongin asks. His voice grew quiet as if afraid to ask and what the answer would be. Jongdae pushed Veronica forward, it was then that Yixing realized that her arms were tied behind her. Jongdae must've done that. She must have fought to try and get away but Jongdae tied her up so she wouldn't run off.

"Tell them what you said to me!" He yelled out, making everyone in the room flinch. Yixing noticed that both Tao and Sehun flinched also.

"Hyung. Did you tie her arms?" Jongin asked, stepping forward to probably untie her but Jongdae grabbed hold of her elbow and pulled her back as he now stepped in front of Jongin.

"Why didn't you fucking tell me that mom was dying?!" Jongin's face has gone pale at the outburst. Yixing is standing still as he doesn't know how to react. That's not Jongdae. That's Jongdae that will leave him and hate him forever for keeping this from him. That's Jongdae who aside from getting labeled as the bad guy all the time is actually a good guy but right now is actually playing the role that everyone has labeled him as. That's Jongdae who hasn't made eye contact with him at all and doesn't seem like he's going to anytime at all. That's Jongdae that is hurt and betrayed by the two people he never imagined would hurt him. Yixing messed up and it's too late to turn it around. "Did you think that I was never going to find out?!"

"How did she know?" Jongin asks quietly. Jongdae looks beyond furious as he doesn't care how she found out but Veronica looks up and looks right at Yixing and sneers.

"A good friend named Luhan." She answers.

"Luhan?" Yixing questioned as Veronica very bodly nodded yes.

"He told me everything. How Jongdae was apparently with you the whole time instead of being with me, how he kept the news of Jongin's dad being dead from him, how you guys kept the news of his mother dying from him. Someone had to tell him the truth and how you guys were the bad guys all along." Jongin steps forward to say or do something to her but Jongdae pushes him back, Yixing trying to hold him back too. Both Tao and Sehun get up from the bed to pull Veronica back to help out.

"You had no fucking right to tell him that!" Jongin yells out, still trying to get to her but Jongdae won't let him.

"You're my brother and you didn't tell me anything. Why Jongin?!" Yixing thinks Jongin is going to play the whole "you didn't tell me about my dad thing" but Jongin thinks that's reaching a low. He's not going to use that against his own brother, especially when Yixing told him and he didn't get upset about that at all. He sees no point on using that on Jongdae, instead he looks down and cries as Jongdae is crying now.

"I was afraid that you'll act out, hyung. You were doing so well and so good, that if I were to tell you, you'll get devastated and who knows how you'll get. You can't handle news like that well at all, hyung. I also didn't want to make you worry. You have so much on your plate."

"I don't care Jongin! You're my brother. We tell each other everything! You could've at least brought it up or something. I would've... I don't know, understand or something. Help you out more."

"I don't want you helping me out! I know that all this time it was you who has been working and sending me money. You thought that I'll believe that dad was the one sending money? When he's been a shitty ass dad for a while now. The same reasons why you didn't want to tell me about dad are the same reasons why I didn't want to tell you about mom. I appreciate everything you've done for me, hyung. But for once I wanted you to focus on yourself. Be yourself and be happy. Especially with Yixing."

Jongdae then looks at Yixing, but it's a different look compared to others he's given him before. "I don't think I can be happy with Yixing if he kept that fucking thing from me."

"Jongdae-"

"I don't want to hear it! I fucking trusted you but you kept things from me. I thought we were supposed to tell each other everything, Yixing but you knew all along and didn't tell me. How do you think I feel? Especially when I've been nothing but honest with you. Especially when I opened up to you." Yixing feels tears roll down his face but they don't matter. The only tears that matter are Jongdae's. He wants to wipe them away and hold him close and apologize but when he steps forward, Jongdae backs away. Yixing broke him and it was never his intention to do so.

"We were going to tell you Jongdae I swear but-"

"But nothing, Yixing! It sucks even more that I had to hear it from this crazy bitch. Do you know why Luhan told her everything? She told him that I was her boyfriend and he believed her. Your friends don't want us together Yixing, and if this is their way of wanting us to be apart, then so be it. I never want to see any of you again."

"But hyung I'm your-"

"I don't care! I'm so done! This is what I get for opening up to someone. I'll help you pay for mom's bills Jongin, but she was right. We were better off not being around each other at all." Jongdae takes one good look at Yixing but he doesn't tell him anything. He begins walking towards the door, Yixing grabbing a hold of his hand but Jongdae slips it away and shoves him as he walks out the door. Yixing can't allow it to end like this so he runs after him, not caring that they have a dance competition later or that Veronica, the cause of all of this, is still in the room. Yixing is going to go after Jongdae and make him understand that he never meant to hurt him. He's going to beg him to stay with him and together they'll work something out. His gut feeling keeps hurting him, not to mention that his heart is aching and it's all telling him that it won't be the same again. He wants Jongdae back. He _needs_ him back.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to every one of you for liking, subscribing, voting, commenting, reading, glancing, kudos, hits, and everything in between. You have no idea how much in the world it means to me. I seriously dont know how to repay every one of you. Seriously thank you. ^^
> 
> Stay With Me is now on Asianfanfics! So if you're interested on reading there, you can do so **[here!](https://www.asianfanfics.com/story/view/1110551/stay-with-me-chenlay-xingdae-highschoolau-laychen-kimjongbros-minorcharacterdea-punkau/18)** Any questions or comments or critiques or you just want to say hi or yell at me for whatever, you can do so **[here.](http://ask.fm/piratenat)** Thank you so so much once again, I hope you have a wonderful day or night. Until next time! ^^ ✌☺ Seriously though every hit and kudos and comments and everything in between make my day so thank you for that. Let me know if there's a way I can repay you and I'll do it. ^^


	14. Chapter 14

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry I'm going to rant here so you can skip ahead and just read the chapter but it's mostly just me apologizing (again -_-) on how I keep releasing chapters later in the week or I don't know it just feels that way, so I'm sorry. I also didn't really like how I ended things in the previous chapter, so I hope this makes up for it, maybe a little because honestly as I write this I'm starting to get doubts on it and I don't want to rewrite it or this chapter might come out later than usual and I don't want that. I also feel like I'm letting a lot of people down so I'm sorry, but seriously if you can think of anything that can make it up to you, let me know. I'll shut up now, I hope you like the chapter, or not, but enjoyed it at least! ^^
> 
> *I completely forgot to mention that there's a small part that has some Spanish. I did not include the way you pronounce it on here but Jongdae explains what it is or what it means. The thing that's in parenthesis it's the translation and the little star next to it explains what it means at the end of the notes thing. I'm so sorry it completely passed my mind. Happy reading. ^^*

Yixing sat alone on the bleachers as he cried by himself. He didn't mean to start crying, he in fact thought that he was done crying altogether but when he went to the spot he and Jongdae liked to hang out at, he couldn't help but start to cry. He hated himself that very moment. He hated crying in front of others. He hated what he did to Jongdae. He hated that he didn't try hard enough to get Jongdae to stay. He ended up losing him. He ran out after him as soon as Jongdae walked out on him. He went down the millions of steps as he went down the stairs as Jongdae took the elevator, thinking he'll get to him on time. He did. He saw Jongdae walk out the elevator and walk towards the front door of the hotel. He called out his name but Jongdae kept on walking, he probably didn't hear him or just ignored him. When Jongdae walked out and Yixing ran out to reach him in time, Jongdae was gone. He camouflaged himself in a sea of people and just like that Yixing knew that he had failed. He should have looked around. Ask the people if they've seen him but he gave up. He chose to stay behind and cry and accept that he wouldn't find Jongdae anywhere. When he went back to the hotel, he kicked Veronica out. He could have done worse, but he honestly didn't want to see her for another second. He didn't even show up at the dance competition. He couldn't do it. He felt heavy. As if his body turned into lead and his heart grew heavy and dropped down and Yixing had to drag it around to move. He hates himself. And he's going to keep on hating himself until he finds Jongdae and fixes everything. Even after he'll continue hating himself.

He misses Jongdae so much. He can't concentrate on his schoolwork at all, all he's thinking about is him. He hoped that he'll see him at school today but no one has seen him around. He thought that he'll find him at the bleachers, angry but smoking, but he's not even there at all. He looked everywhere, even went back to the bleachers to see if he was finally there, but nothing. He went to the top bleacher, where the two of them would sit and just cuddle or hold hands or kiss, but he ended up sitting down and starting to cry as those memories hit him hard. He won't answer his calls or texts and... he doesn't know what to do. He looks up at the sky, something the both of them would do during lunch, hoping for some stupid answer but he knows he won't get it. His imagination won't even work and form a cloud arrow to show the way to Jongdae, but it all becomes blurry as his tears are blinding his sight, begging to get released but Yixing won't let them. He _needs_ to do something. Take some sort of action. He punches the bleacher hard in frustration, but he doesn't even feel the sting of pain or his hand throb. He's gone numb. He feels arms wrap around him, hoping that it's Jongdae, but he knows damn well deep down that it's not him. Still though, he grabs onto those arms hard as he begins to sob. His body shaking from the sobbing.

"We're sorry, Yixing. We looked everywhere but apparently he didn't show up to school today." He feels a kiss at the top of his head as those same arms are still holding him. He thinks it's Junmyeon and when he looks up and sees that it is him he pulls away. Junmyeon doesn't even look mad or upset. Maybe he's good at masking it. Maybe Junmyeon could see just how much he's hurting, it will be pointless for him to get upset over something so trivial.

"Why are you guys here?" Yixing asks, his voice is soft and quiet, almost like he doesn't have strength to even talk. Baekhyun sits beside him and leans his head down onto his shoulder, while Sehun sits on his other side and takes his hand in his and starts rubbing it.

"You're cold. You're not even wearing a jacket. You'll get sick."

"I don't care. I don't even feel it. I just want to find Jongdae. He's the only warmth I really need right now."

"We know you're upset, Yixing but you shouldn't put your health at risk. Your mother told us that you haven't eaten anything. You should eat something." Yixing looks up at Junmyeon and finds that half of his friends are missing, including Jongin.

"Does Jongin know anything? Has he heard from him yet? Is he OK?"

Junmyeon shakes his head. "He's with Kyungsoo and the others, trying to get him to eat something. He's just as wrecked as you."

"Maybe more." Sehun adds. Yixing closes his mouth. He didn't think about that at all. He completely forgot that Jongdae also cut ties with his only brother. He needs to go to him and be a better friend, he just can't find it in himself to move in that instant. He looks at the sky one more time and finds that instead of it being sunny with big white fluffy clouds everywhere like he first thought, the sky looks dreary. Almost like it wants to rain but instead it's only teasing and mocking Yixing. He can't even get the sky above to be sunny, to shine down on Jongdae so he can be warm and OK.

"If you're going to fucking rain, then rain!" He yells out, lowering his head down as he now expects the thunder gods above to smite him. He looks down at his free hand, remembering whenever Jongdae would grow bored and would randomly start drawing on his hand. He always drew thunderbolts, he never knew and never asked why. Now he wishes that he knew or at least asked.

_"Mí luna llena y mis estrellas. Isn't that neat?"_

_"What is that?" Yixing chuckles, holding Jongdae tight against him._

_"Spanish. It means my full moon and stars. Mí cielo means my sky but I think it sounds better in Spanish. Almost like you're the whole sky package. You're the clouds, the moon, the stars, the millions of galaxies, the thunder, everything. In English it seems like it's just the blue sky and white clouds. I want everything up there._ You're everything. _You're all that in one."_

_"Since when do you know Spanish?"_

_"Since it sounded neat. A woman showed up to work and bought her kids the kids meals with the toys and they seemed excited, almost like they saved money just to buy a 3 or 2 dollar meal for each of them. She ordered in broken English, but she spoke to them in Spanish. Like she didn't want them to forget their roots. I thought it sounded nice the way she spoke. It was soft... and mother like. She kept calling them mí cielo and mí vida and I wondered what it meant and I looked it up and I liked it. It's nice. Its a beautiful language. She also seemed so grateful when I gave her the money back, I told her that I paid for it instead and gave them free ice cream. The kids were so happy. I think I'll remember that for a long time."_

_"Why are you so freaking great?" Yixing asks, leaning down a little to press a big kiss right on the side of Jongdae's face, blushing and denying that he's not, that he's just a normal guy. The two of them laugh as Yixing is really trying hard to kiss Jongdae while Jongdae tries to pull away from him._

"Why don't you guys like him?" Yixing asks, his voice breaking as he keeps getting hit with memories of Jongdae. "He's not a bad guy. He's a great guy. Saint like even. You just have to get to know him." Yixing said softly, the guys had to lean forward in order to hear him. Fresh tears rolled down his face. Baekhyun was the one who wiped them away then reached for his hand to take it in his. "I want _mí vida_ (my life*) back!" He cried out, breaking into sobs once again.

"We know. We're sorry." He answers back, placing his head down against Yixing's shoulder. He nodded as he agreed with everything Yixing just said. "We're horrible people. We're sorry. We miss him too. He's alright somewhere. Wherever he is, he's alright." Baekhyun means it too. They regret not being a great friend to Yixing and not giving Jongdae a chance right away.

"No." Yixing shakes his head then sniffles. "He's not. He trusted me and I betrayed him. His mother is dying, and now he thinks that he's all alone. That he will never be loved again. All he wanted was his mother's love and now that I hurt him he thinks he will never get it, especially with her dying."

"Do you maybe think he went to go see her?" Junmyeon asks but Yixing quickly shakes his head as he doubts Jongdae would go see her. What would he say to her if he even does go see her?

"No. I don't know. He's probably out getting high or drunk or something. You should have seen him. He wouldn't even look at me. I hurt him and I don't even know what to do or where to begin to even search for him. That day he was actually the guy you guys all dub him as. He tied her up and dragged her into our room… I think he would've hurt her. Or actually did... and his eyes were so dark, and so broken and betrayed. He has every right to hate me."

"Who is she anyway? I thought that you two were together." Baekhyun asks the question everyone has in mind every since they found out about what happened. They don't really know much about this girl that hurt their friends. And how Luhan even met her.

"He was into her. Or… was interested in hooking up with her. I think he never meant to though because he always said that she's actually a pretty fucked up person. I think he only said that to his other friends just to get them to leave him alone. When we got together I guess, she felt betrayed because Jongdae was always going to her or was always with her, but because he was with me he stopped."

"How the hell did Luhan even meet her?"

"I don't even know. But Jongdae said that she lied to him to get him to talk. Honestly I swear if I see him I'm going to straight up hit him." All three of them share a look with one another. Its so unlike Yixing to do that but they guess they understand why Yixing feels that way. Luhan is his best friend and he told her everything Yixing trusted him with. Jongdae also sort of opened him up. They were wrong to think of him as a bad guy when really they didn't know anything about him but they never would have done what Luhan did. He not only betrayed Yixing but Jongin as well. Especially when he made everyone promise that they wouldn't say anything. The funny part, no matter how much teasing they did to Luhan on how he's not a manly man but a pretty boy, it turns out they were right. Neither of them have seen him anywhere. "Is he even here?" Yixing asks. Sehun clears his throat and shakes his head. "That coward." No one says anything after. Yixing stopped crying and decides to go be with Jongin to see how he's doing. Its the least he could do he thinks.

"Yixing... I think we all need to apologize to you. And you too, Jongin." Junmyeon speaks up as they're all sitting around their usual table spot. Its probably too weird to be out in public where literally everyone can see them and hear them, but because the sky is showing signs that it might rain, people are inside just in case. Yixing looks up while Jongin seems like he doesn't want to make eye contact with anyone. His eyes are bloodshot as he seemed to be crying the most and didn't get any sleep at all. He also hasn't eaten anything at all. Yixing is devastated and heart broken but he can't even imagine how Jongin must be feeling. "We were horrible friends to you, Yixing. Especially when you decided to be around Jongdae. We feel horrible. Maybe not the way you're feeling but we still feel bad." Yixing sees a couple of heads nod while the others glance over at him.

"We were wrong and we should have gave him a chance since the beginning but we chose to believe rumors and judge appearances. And I know that on behalf of everyone, we want to apologize. _I_ want to apologize. All he wanted was a friend but, I hurt him and I shouldn't have. I chose to be angry at him and hate him but really he cares and loves you so much Jongin and would do anything for you... I don't think anyone has a right to judge him when everything he did, he did to protect you. Those who do that shouldn't get judged by the world so harshly or get treated so badly. So I'm sorry, Jongin. And you too Yixing. I should have been upfront to you."

"Don't worry about it. At least you know now that my hyung isn't so bad after all." Jongin's voice comes out cracked. He hasn't been talking to anyone by the sound of it or drinking water or anything. Yixing believes that Jongin is doing far worse than him. He feels bad. _I need to do something._

"Jongin." Yixing clears his throat after. Jongin looks at him but doesn't answer. Yixing just continues. "Do you know if Veronica is still living at the apartment?"

Jongin shrugs. Kyungsoo is the one that answers for him. "We went over last night and there seemed to be no one there."

"You guys went over last night?" Yixing hears a tone of parental figure come out of Junmyeon. Jongin gives him a look that says he's not in the mood, so Junmyeon blushes and stays quiet. He gets protective at times and right now it isn't really a good time for him to do so.

"She wasn't there?"

"The place was empty. I think he must have said something or done something."

"We went to his work, and he apparently doesn't work there anymore either." Jongin adds after Kyungsoo. Yixing frowns. "He's trying so hard to make himself disappear. He doesn't want to be found." Yixing could feel his lip tremble but he bites the inside of it hard until he draws blood to keep himself from crying again. But he can't help it. His Jongdae doesn't want to be found. How else is he going to go look for him and bring him back? He won't allow himself to give up. Not like he did when Jongdae ran out on him. He won't accept defeat when it comes to Jongdae ever again.

-

It takes Yixing a whole week to realize that Jongdae is never coming back to school. According to Kyungsoo, Jongdae apparently turned in his final project and told his teacher that he's dropping out. He didn't even give a reason as to why he's doing so. He just told her that then walked out. Yixing went to Mrs. Lee, Jongdae's favorite teacher, and who may or may not have seen Jongdae last, to confirm it and apparently Jongdae did drop out.

"He came over after school on... Wednesday… I think, and said that he'll do the final project but won't be coming to school."

"He didn't say why?"

"Nope." Mrs. Lee says as she pops the p. "Just that he won't be coming in. Poor kid looked wrecked. Anything happened?" Yixing can't help but feel disappointed. He shakes his head at her as he doesn't know what to tell her. Does he tell her that they broke up or that Yixing betrayed him or what? How does one even begin to describe what happened between them? Other than saying I betrayed him and hurt him and now he wants to fall off the face of the earth to avoid being found by me so I can apologize. "You look wrecked also. Did you two break up?"

"You knew about the two of us?"

Mrs. Lee laughs then goes back to cleaning, or packing the supply closet. She's probably taking some supplies home to put them away properly or take back some of her stuff as she tends to bring a lot of her own items from home to use during school. "Everyone knew about that. And I also did see the two of you making out on top of some car. I'm pretty sure if the bell didn't ring you two would've been coming back from suspension right now." Yixing blushes a little and looks down. He's not ready to make eye contact with Mrs. Lee right now, especially after that. "You two were cute. I honestly never seen you or him so happy than when you were with each other."

Yixing decides to look up at her and frown. "You thought-"

"You opened him up to trust and he opened you up more. You were really quiet. You only spoke to your friends but even then it seemed like you didn't even want to talk them, as if every little thing that came out of your mouth was going to be seen as wrong. Jongdae I think made you more confident on speaking up. And you made Jongdae accept trust in his life. He didn't trust easily, not even himself, you made him see that every failure and every accomplishment he'll do is OK and to embrace it. Not to mention trust in people. You changed him a lot and that's saying something. I know him all throughout his high school years and I never seen him happy or confident in himself. Whatever happened between the two of you, I know it can be solved."

"I don't think it can, Mrs. Lee. I hurt Jongdae badly. I don't think he'll trust in me or anyone ever again."

Mrs. Lee suddenly drops everything on top of the counter and reaches forward for Yixing's hand. He slowly gives it to her, watches how her face turns into sentiment, her eyes looking at him as if he can do anything in the world and she'll still see him highly if he messes up, a small smile spreading on her lips. "Whatever thing you two had was real. It hurts right now but I know you two will work it out. Just have patience in him and he'll come around. I think that's one thing he never had with everyone. No one had the patience to wait to let him show his true colors. You did. He may be hurt or angry now, but he'll come back to you. He knows what he needs and doesn't and you're it, Yixing. He needs you so he'll keep you."

"Thank you, Mrs. Lee. That means a lot. I'm just afraid that he won't even at least consider letting me explain to him everything, but I think that may sound a little selfish on my behalf. I should worry about him."

"There's nothing wrong with being a little selfish. But you're right. He just needs someone right now that is thinking about him and not as a _we_ or _me_. Find a way to let him know that you'll be there for him no matter what. When he sees that, then maybe you two can focus on the we again." Yixing wants to hug this woman but she is his art teacher and if anyone were to see the two they'll get the wrong idea. Yixing doesn't care though. He pulls her into a quick little hug then walks out of the supply closet, wishing Mrs. Lee to have a good day. Mrs. Lee just laughs and waves goodbye at him, going back to cleaning the small little storage room.

"I'm going to find him." Yixing says to himself as he starts walking towards the parking lot area. "I'll find you, Jongdae. Please don't do anything reckless or stupid." Yixing then stops as he noticed Luhan getting off of a car he's never seen before, making his way back from somewhere, strapping his bag tight onto his arm as he waves goodbye to whoever. When he noticed that Yixing was standing there, Luhan froze in place. Yixing doesn't know how he hasn't seen Luhan all week either, especially when they share a class together and no one really knew where he was hiding at, but Yixing knows that he's been showing up at school. Yixing oddly feels calm. He claimed that he'll hit him as soon as he'll see Luhan but now that they're standing in front of each other, Yixing doesn't want to waste any of his time with him. He starts walking away, trying to walk off campus, completely disregarding Luhan as if he never saw him there.

"Yixing! Wait! Just hear me out. I'm-"

"Hear you out? What exactly do you have to say now that you couldn't tell me all week, instead of hiding like a fucking coward?!" Yixing yells out. He's usually a very patient guy, can control his anger pretty well, but Luhan asking to listen to him just made him snap.

"I-I-"

"You what? Couldn't fucking face me like the 'manly man' you claim you are? Couldn't stand up to Jongin, who you also hurt pretty badly!"

Luhan let's out some sort of sigh then looks down. "I had meetings with representatives from different schools all week. I couldn't do it. I'm sorry." His voice was quiet, but Yixing thinks it's bullshit so he shakes his head at his friend and starts walking away again, Luhan quickly looking up at him, reaching for his arm to stop him. "I'm telling the truth, Yixing. I wouldn't lie to you!"

"Noooo, but you'll fucking betray me and betray my trust on some random girl you don't even know." Yixing shoves Luhan away and continues to walk, Luhan once again running in front of him and stopping him by placing his hands on his shoulders. Yixing pushes his arms off of him as he doesn't want to be touched by him. Doesn't want to be there and hear him where he could be looking for Jongdae right now.

"I swear to you I wanted to talk to him. I went to his work to talk but he wasn't there, then she came up to me, heard that I was looking for him and when she said that she was his girlfriend, I snapped OK? I thought he was lying to you all this time and I thought I finally had fucking proof to show you that you and him shouldn't be together or you'll end up hurt. You're like my brother, Yixing. I don't want you to get hurt at all. I honestly never thought that she'll tell him anything."

"But she did. She hurt him and Jongin. The kid hasn't eaten anything or hasn't gotten any sleep because apparently he's going out in the middle of the night trying to look for him, Luhan! I don't care if you apologize to me or not but you better damn well apologize to him. Jongin doesn't deserve that. Neither does Jongdae and we don't know if he's hurt somewhere or in trouble or anything because he's pretty good at making himself disappear all because you had to fucking open your mouth and spill secrets out to strangers! If you were really my brother, you would've trusted me. You wouldn't have betrayed me like that." Yixing shoves past him one more time and leaves Luhan standing there. He doesn't know if Luhan is crying or not, doesn't really care. Right now he's set on walking off campus and going out and trying to find Jongdae anywhere. His mom would understand.

"I never meant to hurt you, Yixing. I just... you're all I have left. I couldn't lose you too." Yixing stops as he barely caught that. What exactly did Luhan meant to get out of that?

"You lose me? You haven't exactly lost anyone Luhan. How can you say that? If anything you already did when you decided that me and Jongdae weren't meant to be together and you took action to separate us."

"No I never lost anyone!" Luhan yells out, turning around to look at Yixing, whose back is facing him. "I didn't lose a parent or anything like you and Jongin did. I didn't get an older or younger brother like Kris and Junmyeon. I did get parents who don't give a shit about me and are constantly away on 'business trips' leaving their only fucking son alone and not bothering to take him along or give him a phone call to see if he's well or not. I did get good friends in my life and one of them I saw as a younger brother. The thought of you being with someone else all the time and someone who has crazy stories down his back that could match a prisoner, I couldn't allow it. You were going to get hurt and you're the worst when it comes to love and emotions. Just months ago you were sure that Junmyeon was the one, then you fall in love with crazy punk guy and all your attention goes to him. You didn't even care if he was a bad guy or not, you were into him and no one was going to stop you, but you can't do things like that Yixing. What if he really was a bad guy? Would you still be in love with him? Would you even have thought about it if his crazy rumors were true? You were going to get hurt and I swore that I'll always protect you. I had to figure things out. I had to find proof that he really was something that you didn't want to believe him to be. I made a mistake for hurting you and I'm sorry, but he still hurt you and I can't allow that. In a way I'm kind of glad I did that."

Yixing is biting the inside of his lip so hard, he's sure he drew blood. He's trying not to cry. Especially in front of Luhan but he can't help it. He _wants_ to believe him. He really does, but he can't find it in himself to believe him anymore. He nods his head as he understands but Yixing, stubborn Yixing, is not going to accept that. "He only hurt me because you did it first." He turns to look at Luhan now, he's never seen him so upset before, but he can't find it in himself to believe the pained expression either. "You go on and on, on how you're loyal and how you face your consequences and blah, blah, blah, but yet you didn't step up to the plate and took responsibility towards your actions, Luhan. Like I said before, I honestly don't care if you ever apologize to me or not, but you better apologize to Jongin. He may not forgive you, or maybe he might since he's a good kid like that, but if you want to do the right thing, start with him. As for you and I, I don't think I want a friendship with you right now especially after what you did. You'll go on and on, on how you're a great loyal friend but who knows, you might pull that stunt on someone else again and I don't want to be there if you do. You were never that good of a friend anyway. You acted like you did care about me, but yet you always pushed me aside. Like if you were embarrassed to be seen around me, or you never gave a shit about my opinions but you wanted to seem nice so you asked but were never interested in them. The others at least apologized as they relaized that they were somewhat being horrible to me, but you haven't and I don't think you ever will. Want to protect me? Keep away from me from now on. I'm done with you."

"Yixing! I'm sor-"

Yixing starts walking backwards now as he looks at Luhan and shakes his head as he doesn't want to hear it. "Done! So done!" He yells out, turning around to sprint away from him and run off campus. He's going to make sure that Jongdae is at least alright and bring him back to Jongin. He wants to bring him back for himself also but if he wants to be a true loyal friend, he'll only do it for Jongin. Luhan watches him run away, realizing that he never meant to be that way with Yixing or that Yixing ever felt that way. He genuinely did want to know about his opinions and everything, but he never knew that Yixing felt that he was being ignored or neglected. He needs to find their friends and talk to them. That's if they want to talk to him. He should also apologize to Jongin as well.

-

Yixing thinks the best place to go looking for Jongdae or a good place to ask around if anyone has seen him, is at the bridge. The place where both him and Jongdae went to when they walked off campus together and had to run away from the men that were chasing them. It would be even better if they happen to be there to ask if they have seen him but if they're looking for Jongdae, and Yixing is looking for Jongdae, things could go ugly, so he's kind of hoping that they're not there at all. He doesn't really remember exactly where the bridge is at as it keeps coming up as a blur, but he remembers the bus he has to take as he remembers very clearly what happened when him and Jongdae got on. He wouldn't stop staring at him, taking in his features as he's trying to remember every single detail about him, every single song, whether he knew the name of it or not, that played while they listened to Jongdae's mp3. The way Jongdae would smile at him as they sat closely together and whispered to each other jokes as they thought that they weren't allowed to make noise as the bus was eerily quiet. The way Jongdae would point out the different people walking on the streets or driving in their cars or the different buildings and stores. And the way he quickly got up from his seat, and almost hurt himself, to reach the cable thing to pull on it to announce their stop when he could have just pressed a button by the window.

He won't forget that every single time him and Jongdae would get on a bus together, Jongdae always said thank you whenever they would get off. He misses him a lot but he's afraid, that horrible stomach feeling he got when he was up north was back but this time it was a very dull feeling, that when he finds Jongdae he would be drunk or high off of his ass. Maybe worse. What will he do if he finds like that? What would he say? His mom might get mad at him for getting off of school early to go find Jongdae, and if he brings him to her while he's in that state… Yixing doesn't know what to do. He leans forward and hides his face in his hands as a little tiny part in him wants him to cry. He's sitting at the bus stop, according to the little marquee above him, he still needs about 13 minutes for the bus to arrive, so he's basically wasting time sitting there as he waits. He's tired and hungry but doesn't want to eat or sleep, not when Jongdae is out there somewhere. He begins rubbing his eyes then pinches the bridge of his nose when he hears a car horn in front of him. When he looks up he groans and rolls his eyes as he doesn't want to deal with this again.

"Didn't I tell you to leave me alone?"

"You said to start with Jongin, but I want to start with you. Get in. I'll take you where you want to go." Yixing stubbornly crosses his arms across his chest and looks away. He is _not_ getting in. "Come on. You're going to sit there for 13 minutes doing nothing when you could be on your way already to wherever you want to go to?" Yixing turns his head to look at Luhan inside his car. He doesn't want to get in with him but he also doesn't want to wait for the bus. He's never rode the bus before by himself except when he took the metro home, but somehow he finds that there's more creeps in the bus than in the metro. _Maybe Luhan might know where the bridge is at. I should ask him._

"You know where the bridge is at?"

"Umm the river one?"

"Yeah."

"Umm no not really, but we can find it together."

"Fine." Yixing says standing up now as he walks towards the car and opens the door for the backseat and climbs in, taking his backpack off and placing it beside him. "I'm not sitting in the front with you."

"That's fine." Luhan says, pulling away from the bus stop to get back onto the road. "Just… you know, put your seat belt on." Yixing does what he says, stretching his hand back to reach for the seat belt to put it on. The drive is quiet between them, only the sound of the radio playing low in the background. Yixing looks out the window, remembering every street and shop he's seen when he was on the bus with Jongdae. He thinks they're going on the right path, and maybe Luhan does know where the bridge is at but tried to play it off as him not knowing at all. Yixing rolls his eyes at himself. He's already in the car with Luhan, he can't exactly open the door and jump out or anything. He's going to have to deal with it.

"You do know that I'm looking for Jongdae, right?" Yixing asks after a while of silence. He watches Luhan nod his head, honestly expecting Luhan to stop abruptly and maybe kick him out of the car, hoping that Yixing was done with Jongdae altogether probably.

"I know. You wouldn't walk off campus for anyone except for him."

"Is that suppose to mean something? Like there's some sort of hidden meaning there?"

"No there isn't. I'm just saying... that out of all of us, all of your friends I mean, you'll do it for him. You really love him."

"Yeah I do." Yixing answers softly as he looks out the window. He's been expecting sunny days with beautiful blue skies and white puffy clouds but so far it's either been windy with chances of rain but it never does or its been cloudy. Today is a warm cloudy day. He hates it.

"Has he said it back?" Luhan asks with a slight hesitation. Yixing notices and sighs.

"Honestly if it's anything about Jongin or Jongdae, I rather not tell you anything. I'm still... I wanted to punch you, but now I just... don't waste my time. Alright?" He watches Luhan nod from the rear view mirror, then looks out his window, maybe there's a chance that Jongdae is out there and if he catches him, he'll make Luhan stop the car and he'll run out to him and bring him back.

"Sorry. I get it. I won't ask anything anymore." The drive once again becomes quiet and it's maybe around 10 whole minutes that pass by that Yixing finds the burger place him and Jongdae went to when they went to go buy food to eat at the river. It was a walk from there to the river as Jongdae said that it was a short walk but they actually walked around 5 to 6 giant blocks to get there. Jongdae is so obviously used to walking everywhere that giant 5 or 6 blocks to him is nothing. Yixing convinces Luhan to park the car somewhere as they finally found the river. Now they had to climb over the wall and go down the steep hill to go down to the flat area and see if there's anyone around to ask if they've seen Jongdae around. The first time Yixing showed up there, there was no one there, now and luckily too, there's a small group of guys skating around. Since meeting Jongdae, Yixing won't deny that he's been finding the whole skate scene interesting, as he walks closer towards the group and watches one of the guys land some cool trick.

"Whoa, whoa, whoa! Who the hell are you and what are you doing here?" Some guy with long curly sweaty hair says. He's pushing Yixing back to keep him from getting closer to their group. Luhan immediately stands in front of Yixing to push him behind him and push the guy away from Yixing with his other arm. Suddenly there's 4 more guys around them either helping their friend push or pull Yixing and Luhan back.

"I just want to ask some questions. I swear I'll leave after. Just, can I ask you guys some things?"

"Hell no! Leave. You don't belong here!" The guy yells out, pushing both Luhan and Yixing harder. Yixing is hating that Luhan is the one standing up to this guy for him, but it at least gives him the chance to think to do or say the right thing.

"I'm looking for Jongdae!" He yells out, the guys stopping their pushing and looking at one another. "Have you guys seen him around or anything?"

"Are you Yixing?" One of the guys asks. Yixing nods while Luhan shakes his head.

"Luhan!"

"I'm sorry, but you don't know them! You shouldn't trust them so quickly!" Luhan yells out as he's trying to hold the guys back from Yixing. He scoffs and shoves Luhan away, nodding as he tells the guys he's really him.

"How do you guys know my name?" He asks. The guys share another look with one another then frown as they all turn around and look towards some guy that's sitting on the broken down couch. He's licking some paper then folds it down then starts twisting it, blowing something off of his hand. Luhan can see that it's weed while Yixing doesn't care.

"Jongdae came by and told us to tell you that if you were to ever come here looking for him to just tell you to go home. Along with his brother."

"He's been here? When?!"

"Like a week ago. We haven't heard or seen him since." The guy says, pulling out a lighter from his pocket then lights up. When the joint lights up and he releases a huge cloud of white smoke into the air, he stands up and walks towards Yixing. He oddly looks scarier than the rest of the guys, but he seems more nicer than the ones who were pushing him or holding him back. "This is his warning to you. He asked us to pass this message along. You need to leave now! Its not safe for you to be here. So I would do what he says." The guys says, lifting the joint up to his lips again and takes a hit, offering some to Yixing and Luhan who both shake their heads. He shrugs then takes another hit then passes it to his other friends. "This place isn't exactly Disneyland, especially with what's going on lately so I would do what he says."

"Thats all he said?" Luhan asks. Yixing looks over at him then at the guy. He seems to be telling the truth, but then again Yixing has never been good at reading people.

"Yeah. He doesn't want you to go looking for him and that you shouldn't even try because you'll never find him. Whatever is going on with him, can't be good and if he says to back off, I would do it."

"I need to know though where he is." Yixing pleads as Luhan steps forward and looks at the guy straight in his eyes.

"You must at least have some idea on where he could be or what's wrong with him? Can't you give us a hint or something? Its really important that we find him."

The guy suddenly raises his hands up as if in surrender then shrugs. "Look man, I swear to you I don't know anything. But you seriously shouldn't be here. You'll get into shit that you don't want to get into. If Jongdae says to leave then leave." Yixing notices that the guy seems panicky all of a sudden. His eyes looking elsewhere, as if looking behind Yixing and Luhan, and Yixing wants to look to see who's there or what's there but he feels that if he turns something could happen.

"Try his place." One guy says, Yixing notices that he's starting to get panicky too.

"We did. He no longer lives there." Luhan answers instead, growing annoyed by them now. They're not going to get any answers if they keep playing that they don't know anything when clearly they must know something.

"I'm serious, bro. I would leave right now. If you think Jongdae doesn't care about you guys at all, he wouldn't have left a message to pass along, so just do what he said and leave. Now!" The guy who lit up the joint says, his eyes going wide for emphasis, shoeing some sort of warning through them. Yixing discreetly turns his head around to look behind him, a small group of guys are slowly making their way over to them, and they look like the same group of guys that chased both Jongdae and Yixing. The same group of guys that are looking for Jongdae. He starts to get the dull stomach ache feeling again, reaching over for Luhan's arm to grab it and give him a sign that they should leave now. He doesn't get the message though. _Shit, Luhan. You suck._

"We're not fucking leaving until you guys tell us where the hell he could be at. It doesn't even have to be specific place, just an idea and we'll take it from there."

"Alright, alright, alright. But you guys can't blame us after, deal?"

"Deal!" Yixing quickly answers, stretching his arm out and offering his hand for the guy to shake. The guy quickly takes Yixing's hand and shakes it, looking behind Yixing to see if the guys are looking over.

"Last I heard, Jongdae was at the beach. He's living with some guy or girl there. That's all I know. You should at least look there."

"The beach?" Luhan questions and looks right at Yixing. "That's at least an hour and a half away from here. How did he even end up there?"

The guy shrugs then looks at Yixing. "He was high and drunk off his ass when he came over to tell us to pass the message. If he's even telling us to pass this message along, even in the state he was in, he must seriously give a shit about you guys." Yixing frowns but smiles a little. Jongdae still cares but Jongdae is already starting to wreck himself. They need to find him fast or it will be too late.

"Thanks, man. It really means a lot. You guys will be alright?" Yixing asks the guy, who nods then quickly makes Yixing turn around and gives him a slight shove to get him to start walking.

"Nothing we can't handle. Just go. Or Jongdae will be the one having our heads." He comments, turning Luhan around also and giving him a shove. "Just go. And good luck I guess."

Yixing nods, then grabs onto Luhan's arm and starts dragging him after himself, telling him to quickly jump over the fence and run to his car to get away.

"Why?"

"Those are the guys that are looking for Jongdae and chased us around when me and him came here once. Those guys you told me not to trust, were helping us out. Not everyone is bad. Some of them could be trustworthy and you had no idea that they were even coming, so you don't have to watch out for me all the damn time, Luhan. I can take care of myself." Luhan just looks at his friend, slowly letting the idea of Yixing not needing him all the time sink in. He needs to start understanding that now.

~

Kris is walking out the mall doors and towards the parking lot where he notices a very familiar looking guy leaning against one of the pillars outside of the mall, holding a cigarette and letting out a puff of smoke. He was suppose to be at school today but his mom let him get out early to buy new clothes he can wear to meet with a basketball representative, also some clothes for graduation. It would have been easier with his mom or brother there to offer their input, including Junmyeon but Junmyeon is in very serious mood right now, especially with school only being a few weeks left for all of them.

"Jongdae?" He watches the guy who looks just like Jongdae suddenly push himself off of the pillar and walk towards a car that suddenly stopped in front of him. He leans forward, sticking his face in the car as he seems to talk to someone inside. Kris being far away, can't exactly quite hear or see what Jongdae is doing. He decides to get closer, watching Jongdae stand up straight now and step back, the car quickly driving away. Jongdae turns around to look then freezes as he spots Kris.

"Kris? What are you-"

"We need to talk."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Honestly Yixing was suppose to be upset Yixing like in the Go Fighting episode where he gets upset, and I won't go into too much detail in it and I think I portrayed him badly. Sorry Yixing. And in case it gets confusing, he didn't exactly forgive Luhan so quickly, he's just letting him help him, if that makes sense. Anyway!
> 
> Thank you to every one of you for liking, subscribing, voting, commenting, reading, glancing, kudos, hits, and everything in between. You have no idea how much in the world it means to me and makes my day. Sincerely thank you. ^^
> 
> Stay With Me is now on Asianfanfics! So if you're interested on reading there, you can do so **[here!](https://www.asianfanfics.com/story/view/1110551/stay-with-me-chenlay-xingdae-highschoolau-laychen-kimjongbros-minorcharacterdea-punkau/18)** Any questions or comments or critiques or you just want to say hi or yell at me for whatever, comment below or you can do so **[here.](http://ask.fm/piratenat)** Thank you so so much once again, I hope you have a wonderful day or night. Until next time! ^^ ✌☺
> 
> *I completely forgot to mention the Spanish part, I'm so sorry. I tried to write the way you pronounce it down but couldn't find a good website that could do that. Although I do speak Spanish myself I just wanted to make sure that I wrote it right but I'm also not that good at the little accent lines so if they're misplaced I'm sorry about that. Yixing saying he wants his life back means that Jongdae _is_ his life and wants him back. I'm seriously sorry that I forgot. Have a great day. ^^*


	15. Chapter 15

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WARNING: There's mention of drugs, prostitution, mentions of weapons like guns and knives, mentions of abuse but nothing going into detail about it but since there is talk about it I think I should mention it. If I missed something, please don't hesitate on letting me know. I'll gladly add it on here. If you do not like anything with any of these topics at all, PLEASE DO NOT READ! Thank you! ^^

Kris actually thought that he may have to drag Jongdae inside the mall to go get something to eat. To his surprise, Jongdae followed him inside, his head hanging low and a couple of feet away, but followed him toward the food court and towards an isolated table away from the people. He looked bad. Like really bad. His eyes were dark, like he hasn't gotten sleep in days, smudged eyeliner, he doesn't know why but he'll make sure that he'll ask him about it, his cheekbones seemed to be protruding out more than usual, as if he lost a lot of weight, his eyes were bloodshot, smelled like alcohol and something else, kind of seemed like he was high, and it seemed like he was wearing his shirt inside out. Kris looked a bit closely at him and noticed a busted lip, some dark bruise like mark on his neck on the other side of it instead of by his tattoo, and he's starting to think that one of his eyes are purple as if he got hit there. He's a wreck. More than both Jongin and Yixing. He doesn't want to scare him away or make him grow angry, so he watches Jongdae pull out the chair from the small table and sits, asking him if he wants anything to eat.

"I'll pay for it. My treat."

"I-I'm not hungry." Jongdae says softly. He cleared his throat after then glanced up at Kris as if he didn't want him to notice that his throat was raspy or anything.

"You should eat something. When's the last time you ate?" Jongdae shrugs and Kris let's out a sigh, looking at the different foods the food court had to offer. "Do you like Chinese food?" He asks. He thinks it may be a little bit healthier than burger and fries or some pizza or deep fried chicken. At least with Chinese food he can order some rice and vegetables and maybe some grilled chicken. A meal that would fill him up and not be so bad on his stomach. Jongdae just shrugs then shakes his head.

"I don't want... I'm not hungry." He whispers.

"I know, but Jongdae, you should at least try. You don't even have to finish it. Just eat some."

Jongdae shakes his head again, tears welling up in his eyes. Kris kind of feels bad. Maybe Chinese food is something him and Yixing had something to do with together and the thought of it is making him emotional. "C-Can you... eat it with m-me?"

"You want me to eat with you?" Jongdae nods but doesn't look up at him. Kris leans down to look at him then nods. "I'll eat it with you. Don't worry, Jongdae. I'll go order for you too. Stay here, and watch my stuff?" He asks him. He thinks if he keeps Jongdae occupied with something so small then maybe Jongdae won't leave. Jongdae nods and Kris smiles at him, patting his arm then quickly goes to order the food. Jongdae sits there awkwardly, looking at the bag in front of him that Kris left behind, then reaches for it to somewhat roll it and place it neatly in the middle of the table. He watches it closely and only it, not watching the people around him or even paying attention to them. Kris would call Junmyeon or Jongin or Yixing, but he feels right now it's the best time to respect Jongdae's wishes. He needs help right now, but if he were to call them up without Jongdae's permission he'll feel even more betrayed, and right now Kris needs to get his trust. He orders something small for both him and Jongdae then quickly pays for it, walking towards Jongdae who is sitting there somewhat rocking back and forth and somewhat shaking. He's probably hallucinating or something. Kris gently places a hand over Jongdae's shoulder, making him jump a little, giving him a gentle smile after.

"Are you OK?"

"Yeah." Jongdae nods, putting both hands on top of the table, and clasps them together. Kris puts the food down in front of him, then gives him another pat on the shoulder and another smile.

"Eat up. Thanks for watching my stuff for me."

"N-No problem." Jongdae answers, reaching for the fork in front of him and waits for Kris to dig in first. Kris didn't get a lot of food for himself but reaches over for his fork as well and starts picking on his food to take a bite to get Jongdae to start eating. As soon as he starts chewing on a piece of chicken, Jongdae starts to eat, eating a bit too fast also. Kris was right. Jongdae hasn't been eating much. He watches him eat up the chicken and vegetables and rice, Kris grabs the cold drink he bought for him and opens it up, handing it to Jongdae to take a drink to help him swallow down the food. He wants him to have something solid in his stomach, and if it makes him sick, it's a bit better so he can rid of whatever is in his system. Kris sits back and watches, smiling a little as he thinks about Tao and the amount of food he can take down. He thinks Jongdae can be good competition for him but there's a chance that Jongdae is starving himself or has no where to get food, and that wouldn't be right to put him in any competition like that. He also thinks about Tao and how easy it is for him to talk to Jongdae while he doesn't know where to start. He just told him that he needed to talk to him to _help_ him. He didn't really think about what he'll say to him other than tell him to go back because Jongin and Yixing need him.

Jongdae is almost done now, reaching for the cold drink to take another gulpful to help him swallow it down, while Kris just laughs and relaxes into his seat. "You were hungry. Want some more? I don't mind buying you seconds."

"No!" Jongdae chokes out, then forces himself to swallow all of the food down. "That's alright. Thank you."

"Are you sure? I'll even go order for you."

"I'm sure. I should get going." Jongdae stands up, the chair scrapping against the floor, he grabs the tray of food and reaches for Kris' also but Kris just looks up at him and gives him a look. "Th-Thank you for the food."

"Jongdae." Jongdae just stares back then swallows a lump down. Kris looks very serious and it's honestly a look Jongdae has never seen before on him. He's seen him serious. He thinks of him as a very serious guy, but this look is different. As if he's telling him to sit back down or there will be consequences. "Sit. We need to talk."

"I-I have to-"

"I heard you dropped out." Jongdae looks around, he's starting to look nervous. He seems paranoid. If he's high then his paranoia is kicking in. Kris watches him closely. He's hoping that Jongdae didn't take too many drugs or drunk too much. So he watches him carefully in case he starts to pass out or starts to notice a slight change in him. "Isn't it your last year at school? And at the last weeks of school also. You should go back to at least graduate." He's sure that Jongdae is drowning him out right now. He seems sick. Kris smiles a little and watches Jongdae run off towards the direction of the public restrooms. He slowly puts his tray back, packs up his food, grabs his stuff, and makes his way over to make sure if Jongdae is OK. He finds Jongdae throwing up at the last stall so he sets his stuff down on the counter where the sinks are at, and buys him a water bottle from the vending machine outside the restrooms. "It's alright." Kris tells him as he pats Jongdae's back. Jongdae is hunched over and throwing up a lot. Kris should look at the color but since Jongdae is kind of starting to cry, no doubt from embarrassment, he decides against it.

He reaches for a couple of paper towels and hands them to Jongdae as soon as he's done. He opens up the cold water bottle and hands it to him, who very shakily takes it and takes a sip, Kris' hand going to Jongdae's forehead to check his temperature and sort of wipe his hair away from his forehead. He's not warm or anything, which is good, so he pats his back one more time and helps him up, using his foot to flush the toilet. He wets a couple of paper towels for him and hands it to him, watching him finish up the water bottle. He thinks he looks better now, as his skin color doesn't look as pale and somewhat a sickly yellow now. He's still somewhat pale looking but it's not as before.

"Why are you doing this?" Jongdae asks, his voice clear as day now.

Kris just smiles and grabs his stuff. "There were kids in my team that would do drugs thinking their performance levels will become better, I know when someone is high or not and who needs help. And you really needed my help." Jongdae tightens his lips into a hard line as he doesn't say anything. Instead he finishes up the water bottle and starts to screw the cap up on it and hands it to Kris for him to throw away. "Come with me." Kris tells him, now that Jongdae's face is somewhat cleaned, and a little bit of color are now on his cheeks, and doesn't look as bad as he was before, he follows Kris out with his head a little high and not low like it was before. They head outside the mall and towards the parking lot, Kris is no doubt leading the way towards his car. When they reach a black car that lights up when Kris touches an alarm, Jongdae watches him open up the trunk to put the stuff inside, closes it then opens the passenger door for Jongdae to get in. Jongdae hesitates but Kris gives him a smile and a small laugh telling him to get in. "I won't drive anywhere. I just thought that you may want to talk here instead." He gets inside and looks around, the interior of the car is just as nice as the exterior. It's also more private than the food court.

"You're not going to tell anyone about you finding me here and throwing up in the restroom, are you?"

"Is that a threat?" Kris asks. Jongdae quickly shakes his head. Kris laughs after he shakes his head. "I promise I won't. I'm trying to gain your trust." He adds, Jongdae closes his mouth and looks out the window.

"You heard?"

"Every one of us did."

"Are you trying to mock me?" Jongdae asks, now looking at Kris. He seems upset. But Kris is smiling at him and shaking his head.

"I'm trying to figure out why you respect me so much. Why are you talking to me when you could've run away? I'm sure if it was any one else you would've ran. So I think that if you respect me so much and are not running away, I should, I don't know... help you. Understand you better. Gain your trust." Jongdae just looks at him then nods. He turns to look out the window again, but when Kris turns the car on, Jongdae immediately panics and looks right at him with so much fear in his eyes. "Sorry. I just turned it on in case you wanted the window down." Jongdae shakes his head, so Kris immediately turns the car off, quickly lowering his window down a bit for some fresh air to get in the car. "May I ask why you're so scared of me turning on the car?" He expects Jongdae not to answer but is proved wrong when he does.

"You might take me to _him_."

"Him being?"

Jongdae can't say the name but he says it anyway and it sounds a bit foreign to him. "Yixing." Kris just nods, reaching into his pocket to pull out his phone to hand it to Jongdae.

"You can look through it. You can see if I contacted any of them or not. You can also keep it beside you so you can see that I won't contact any of them at all. Its just you and me. I swear." Jongdae looks at Kris then down at the phone. He presses the button by accident and a picture of Kris and Junmyeon together is on the screen. Kris blushes and reaches for the phone, forgetting that he had a lock screen on. "I completely forgot. Sorry."

"That's OK." Jongdae says, handing the phone back to Kris. "I believe you." Kris smiles at him then sets the phone down onto the cup holder. They stay quiet for a long time, both looking out their own windows, when Kris sees that Jongdae's leg is bouncing up and down beside him, almost like he's being impatient about something.

"Do you need the restroom again? Are you hallucinating or-?"

"No not that. I just… need to go. I have to… meet with someone." Kris doesn't believe that for a second, but he still nods at him and smiles as if he has believed the lie but never unlocks the car for Jongdae to get out, and Jongdae doesn't even try getting out. Kris quickly wipes the smile off of his face and looks straight ahead, both hands on the steering wheel now.

"Where are you really going, Jongdae? Who was that guy you were talking with before? Who hit you?" Jongdae doesn't answer right away. He in fact stays quiet and starts to cry. "I know you don't want help but you're not well at all. You were so high you were rocking in your seat when I asked you to watch my stuff. You threw up so much, your body worked too hard to get whatever was in you out, but even now you don't look like you used to. You still look pale, you look like you haven't eaten in days, and I know someone has been hitting you. That mark on your neck looks like it was done purposely and not accidently. I promise I won't tell Jongin or Yixing, not even Junmyeon. But you are going to tell me what or who it is that's doing this you. What are you doing to yourself?" Jongdae continues to cry, his body shaking as he's now sobbing. Kris knows that what he's saying is getting to Jongdae, that's why he's crying. But he wants to get to him to get him to talk and open up instead of staying quiet. "Are you going to tell me? Should I really call Yixing or your brother up?"

"No!" Jongdae yells out. "Please don't call them. They can't see me like this."

"Then tell me and I'll do anything to help you. Whatever it is, I'll help."

Jongdae nods. Repeating the word OK over and over again like a mantra, as if the word itself is keeping him sane. He looks around, as if looking for something, then when his hand goes into his jean's pocket and pulls out his phone and hands it to Kris, he talks. "I've been selling drugs and sleeping around to get money for my mom." Kris' eyes go wide them pinches the bridge of his nose and shakes his head. He can't believe he just heard that. Now he repeats the word 'No' over and over again until it sets in.

"How long?"

"Two weeks."

"And have they been doing this to you?" He asks, mostly over the fact that Jongdae has been high and beat up. Jongdae nods, Kris once again goes back to pinching his nose and repeats the word no. He may not know Jongdae well but he oddly feels like a parent to him. He always has since Tao came into his life, and since Tao always talked about Jongdae to him, he can't help but feel upset that someone like Jongdae is out doing these sorts of things all for money. That Jongdae is taking this sort of abuse just for money. "Why, Jongdae?"

"It first started when I was angry. I didn't want to be found anywhere by anyone, mainly Jongin and _him_ , so I quit my job and told the landlord that I'm leaving and to tell anyone that I left, I even told my friends that they never seen or heard from me again no matter who asked. I was angry and numb and I just got high. All the time. I only went to school once to tell the teachers that I actually liked, that I won't be coming back. They tried to stop me but I didn't listen. I just left. So I got high and drunk and I completely forgot about everything, until one day it hit me that my mother was dying and I needed money to pay for, well everything, so I needed to look for a job that helped me get money quicker. They wouldn't hire me if I was high or drunk, so I looked for a dealer, plus more faster money that way, he said that he could help, and when he found me something, I took it. I didn't care what it was, I took it. His boss apparently has a thing for sleeping around. I wasn't open to the idea at first, but I thought _'I fucking slept with Yixing, I could sleep around with this guy too'_ , so I did it. But he put word out that apparently I was good, I don't believe him since the first time I ever slept with a guy was with _him_ so I don't have practice, but I thought whatever at least I get paid. So I slept around. Some are guys and some are girls and I have to try to sell drugs to them at the same time too, but most of them won't buy unless I do whatever they want first, and you won't believe the amount of hardcore mother fuckers out there. Almost all of them like the hard core style. So they hit me, or mark me, or bite me, or call me names. Some almost choke me, and tie me up, but at least they buy double the amount than originally planned. So it's all good."

Kris looks shocked at what Jongdae just said just now. At the way he siad it also. He tried so hard to make it come out like it was paradise but the way he was crying and shaking on the seat, that was more of a cry for help. "How can it be good Jongdae, when you're practically shaking and crying?" Kris almost yells, but Jongdae does not need a scary yelling Kris right now. "Just go home. You miss your brother and I know you really miss Yixing. You keep saying _him_ with fake venom, but I know that you really don't want to say his name because you'll miss him more than you already do. I know you want to help Jongin and your mother, but this _is not_ the way to do it. Go home to your brother, Jongdae. He really really needs you right now. _You_ need him."

"I can't go back." Jongdae whispers. "I _won't_ go back!" He yells the last part out, putting his legs up suddenly, craddling his head between his hands, as his elbows rest on top of his knees. He keeps crying and he sounds so broken, it's breaking Kris' heart. He's so used to hearing and seeing Jongdae _so_ badass and confident and cute at times, seeing him like this is something no one could even imagine. If anyone were to see him like this, they'll automatically change their point of view of him.

"You don't have to go back to Yixing if you don't want to. He'll understand. But you should go back to Jongin. He needs you more than anything right now, and it's clear that you need him. Your mother is dying, it sucks and I'm sorry you two have to go through that, but this time more than ever is when you two really should be together. He's lost without you. He needs his older brother right now. He can't eat or sleep. He goes out in the middle of the night looking everywhere for you. He can't concentrate in his schoolwork because he's worried sick. He should be this way for your mom but he's not. He's this way because of you. And I don't want this to come out as if the blame is being put on you, but if you really think that you'll be alone, you're wrong. We all made a huge mistake with you. We shouldn't have treated you badly. We should have given you a chance, but we're all worried about you and Jongin and that should show that you two will not be alone throughout this whole thing. Go home, Jongdae. Its where you belong."

Jongdae sits there quietly, but his movements are not. He's grasping his hair and cries silently, mumbling something that Kris can't make out. He then remembers that Jongdae has handed him his phone. He doesn't know what to do with it other than set it down, but when it starts to ring, Jongdae sits up straight and looks right at him. "He's looking for me. I should go."

"No." Kris says sternly, answering the call, Jongdae's eyes go wide eyed as he watches Kris tell the man on the other line that Jongdae won't be going and to find another hook up. He quickly ends the call, gets sent to the home screen where a picture of both Jongin and Yixing are set as the screen background, then turns off the phone. "You miss him don't you? That's why you don't want to go back? You're afraid of him seeing you like this?" Jongdae doesn't say anything so he knows he's right. "He's a wreck but he's trying to stay strong. He feels that if you were to see him in the state he was in, you'll scold him. Right now though he's not even thinking of bringing you back for him, he's doing it for your brother. He loves you and will love you for a long long time. Don't think that he'll stop loving you, that's not the kind of guy he is. Trust me on that." Jongdae looks up at him, using his palms to wipe his eyes hard, leaving a red mark around them behind.

"Yixing moved schools when we were in 6th grade. No one knew him, yet he greeted everyone like he's known them all his life. He fell for Junmyeon but Junmyeon at the time didn't know what he was, so Yixing settled on just being friends with him. He's so nice and so patient with everyone, you kind of start thinking if he's even real or not. There have been times where his own friends hurt him, but he loves so much, knows forgiveness, knows everyone so well, he forgave us easily and quickly. When his grandmother died, no one was there for him. That's all he wanted, but we failed him yet he forgave us. He said that he understood why we weren't there for him. That some of us couldn't make it or didn't know what to tell him when we found out." Kris pauses then looks ahead as if remembering something.

"When he found out about me and Junmyeon, he didn't flip out or anything. There was heartache in his eyes but he was strong. He said that he was happy for us. You could tell he wasn't. He can say anything to get you to believe him, but he can't hide what he really feels through his eyes. When he met you, everything changed. He became different. A good different. He's more outspoken, tells us how he feels, almost like he's not afraid of anything. And those eyes he gives only to you, he loves you. A lot. I never seen those eyes shine so brightly and seem so full of life and love, especially towards someone. He only has those eyes for you, and only you, Jongdae. You told him what you've been through haven't you? Yet he still stayed by your side. I'm sure if he finds you like this, and you tell him everything, he'll forgive you so fast. He'll love you no matter what. He thinks that you'll only come back for Jongin, he doesn't care that you two are no longer together or anything after. He wants you to be OK and safe and sound and back with your brother. He'll later on maybe finally talk to you about where you both stand. He'll even settle on just being friends with you. He'll love you in any way, no matter what." Kris stops and looks over at Jongdae who just looks down at his hands on top of his knees. He's not sure if Jongdae even heard or not.

"You're wrong." Jongdae whispers. He then looks at Kris, fresh tears welling up in his eyes. "I'm fucking sleeping around with both guys and girls. He will never want to be with me if he finds out! I hurt him now. It's all over between us. You think my mom would want me back after she's the one who threw me out?! If I hurt Yixing and my mom won't let me go back, where else could I go? I'm better off here. In the streets where I fucking belong."

"You can always come with me and Tao. It doesn't have to be just Yixing and your mom's place. We'll gladly take you in, if that's what you want."

Jongdae laughs, it's sounds sarcastic though which Kris kind of thinks it's good. "You guys never wanted me and Yixing together anyway. You guys would've flipped if me and him held hands or kissed. I wonder what in the hell you guys would do if you found out that we slept together? You guys already broke us up, what else can you guys do? Huh? Nothing! He's free and I'm away and you all should be fucking happy that I'm gone. He should be too. I'll just end up ruining his life after. Bring him nothing but pain. So it's not about where the hell I can get a good night's sleep or a good home cooked meal. Its about me finally being gone and everyone moves on happily."

Kris laughs after. He sets Jongdae's phone down and turns to look at him. "I'm going to tell you something. Love is the most fucked up thing ever. Love is where you give and he takes and vice versa. Love is letting someone go but feel like you can't breathe without them. Its taking a fucking beating from anyone, even those that swore to always protect you, just so the person you love won't have to go through hate from that said person that beat you. Its you thinking about them and how they'll have better lives without you there, but thats where love kind of fucks up because they won't. And you know they won't but you want to stay away from them. Love is hurting them because you think it's the right thing to do but at the same time it's the wrong thing. Love is scary and crazy but it's what makes your heart beat, your brain get filled with thoughts or images of what could happen next between the two of you, it's where you feel complete as a person with that person by your side. You think Yixing won't take you back? You think we're going to hurt you or him if you get back together? We already did and we're sorry but we're not the ones who should be telling you this. Luhan and Yixing should. What Luhan did was wrong but he was doing it because he cares immensely about Yixing. You'll do it too if it was Jongin."

"You're saying I'll hurt him because I love him?"

"Didn't I just say that?" Kris asks but decides to let out a sigh instead. "Yes. That's exactly what I'm saying. Luhan… I know he's deeply sorry for what he did. He hurt the one person he never meant to hurt but he did so because he loves him. Luhan's parents don't give a single shit about him. They're always away on 'business trips' never bothering to give him a call or make sure if he's OK. They never have once shown up to any of his games. He has us but he still feels alone and Yixing is the one person who he calls his home. You and Jongin have each other, I have Tao and even Junmyeon has Sehun. We all have brothers, something he's always wanted. He's close with Minseok and even acts like an older brother with Sehun and Tao but they will never be Yixing. Yixing has been with him through thick and thin, when he found out that he was interested in you, he panicked. He shouldn't have, but he was afraid that Yixing will get hurt. So sit here and look me in the eye that if it was Jongin, wouldn't you do the same? If your brother or sister suddenly has interest in a person that has the baddest reputation ever, wouldn't you worry? Wouldn't you want them to go after someone else? I know Luhan is sorry and should be here apologizing to you, but like I said before, love is fucked up in a way. He rather fix things with Yixing first, his home and family, then apologize to you."

Jongdae is quiet for a real long time. He grabs his phone then shifts, his hand going to the handle of the car door and opens it. He doesn't look at Kris but sighs. "I'm not going back. Sorry. Thanks for what you did. I guess it doesn't matter if you tell them about this or not. I won't be here anyway. Later." Jongdae closes the door then quickly walks away, leaving Kris behind calling out his name.

-

Luhan and Yixing arrive at the beach, not knowing where to start looking, so they settle on walking around trying to find someone that may or may not know a thing or two about Jongdae. Its so far going poorly as no one seems suspicious or no one seems like the kind of person that may associate with Jongdae. Yixing feels defeated and wants to give up, bug Luhan thinks that maybe getting some lunch might help. They head into a shack looking place, Yixing's sense of smell filling up with the smell of hamburgers and fries. Thoughts of Jongdae filling his head, as he starts to pout.

"I'm sensing coming to a burger place was a bad idea?"

"No it's fine. It just reminds me of Jongdae."

"Oh. Sorry. We can go." Luhan says, trying to break away from the line, but Yixing holds his arm to hold him in place.

"Its really fine. I'm starving and would rat anything."

"OK." Luhan nods. "Whatever you say." They order their food, then pick out a table as a waiter will deliver their food to them. They sit in silence for a bit, Yixing decides that he rather talk about Luhan than about him at all. Luhan doesn't want to but does so anyway as he doesn't want to sit in silence with him. He begins talking about how he's meeting with representatives from different schools for soccer, Yixing comments that Kris is doing the same but with basketball. Luhan nods, stays quiet for a second, then continues. Yixing comments on how Tao is working hard to get first place in his martial arts competition. Luhan once again comments then stays quiet. It goes on like that for a while until their food arrive. They eat in silence only satisfied sounds are shared between them. Yixing practically inhaled his burger and is now eating his fries when he notices a man with a leather jacket sitting by the corner close to their table. He can't help but stare at the man, as he presses his phone to his ear and starts talking to whoever. Yixing freezes when he hears the name Jongdae come out of the man's mouth. They found someone that may know Jongdae. He doesn't even take a chance to think or tell Luhan what he found out. He just gets up and goes over to the man's table, sitting in front of him as the man glares daggers at Yixing and asks him what he wants.

"You know Kim Jongdae?"

"Yixing!" Luhan yells out but doesn't go up to him at all. Yixing ignores him instead.

"Yeah. He's my hook up. Why?"

"Do you know where he lives?" The man sort of looks at him funny. Yixing takes the chance to think. "I want a hook up and I… hear he has the best around. Know where… I can find... him?"

"He doesn't do that anymore. You have to sleep with him for him to make you a deal."

"What?" Yixing swears he heard something shatter. His jaw feels numb all of a sudden, he's frozen solid in his seat, and he's sure he's gone pale. He didn't hear right, did he?

"You don't even have to make him cum, just fuck him senseless and he'll make you a deal." He did hear right. He kind of wants to stand and beat the guy, for lying, but why does he feel so horrible by this? Deep down inside he feels that Jongdae may be out doing these things that's why he kind of believes the man. He doesn't know what to do other than sit there. "Hey! You kind of don't look like you're looking for a deal. Maybe we both know different Jongdaes."

"No, no. That's him alright. Whe-Where does he li-live?" Yixing stutters the words out. He's having a hard time with this information but he's trying so hard to come off as someone who doesn't care when he cares a lot. He wants to break down and cry. He wants Jongdae back and safe and sound in his arms where he doesn't have to go out in the world doing the things he's doing now.

"Shit. I haven't been to his place in a while, but I know it's by the apartments around here. Go around there maybe you'll find him, and tell him that I'm fucking waiting for my deal also." Yixing gives the man a fake smile. He shakily gets up, nods his head and walks away. He doesn't say thank you or anything. He sits in front of Luhan and drops his head down, a small little sob escapes him as he cries quietly.

"What's wrong? What did he say?"

"He said that Jongdae is sleeping around with people and dealing drugs."

"What?!"

"He said that he's no longer just dealing. That you kind of have to sleep with him for him to make you a deal. I'm going to lose him, Luhan. Jongin is going to lose him like that. I don't know what to do right now other than cry."

Luhan stretches his arm out to pat Yixing's head. When he sort of lifts his head up to look, Luhan starts grabbing onto his arm for support. "What else did he say? Did he mention something else?"

Yixing nods then wipes his face. "He said that he lives around here. That he lives in some apartments and if I were to find him to tell Jongdae that the guy is waiting for his hook up also."

"Fuck that, that disgusting perv! We should go find him then, before this man does. Lets go." Yixing nods, aa he wipes hos face one mlre time and gets up. He's kind of glad that Luhan showed up to help him. He'll be so lost without him right now.

They head into the first building of apartments they find, there's a nice elderly woman walking out the front door and they ask her if they know a Kim Jongdae. She shakes her head and together they walk out. They head into another building, this time there's no one there to ask, but the residents apparently have their names on top of the mailboxes adjacent to the wall, so they look through each name but no one there is named Jongdae or even Kim. They head into another building, and it hits them that Jongdae may not even have his name down at all or may be using a different name.

"But didn't the man call him by Jongdae?"

"That's what I heard." Yixing says, looking around to look for someone they can ask but no one seems to be around. They sit to think about the situation when Yixing's phone starts to ring, the caller being Jongin. "What's up?" He asks, putting the phone on speaker for Luhan to hear also.

"I told my mom about my dad."

"What did she say?"

"Nothing. Only that, she wants to see my hyung. She wants to see Jongdae. What do I tell her?" Yixing and Luhan share a look. What can they tell him? But Jongdae's mom wanting to see him can be a good thing or a bad thing. This can be the only thing that may bring Jongdae home. Yixing _hopes_ it's the thing that brings him home or what else can they say or do to get him to come back?

"Don't tell her anything. We're trying to look for him right now."

"We?"

"Me and… Luhan."

"Luhan is there?!" Jongin yells out, but he doesn't sound like he's mad, just surprised.

"Yeah, he's here. He drove me to the beach. Apparently Jongdae is staying here but we're not sure what building he's in."

"He's by the beach? But my hyung hates the beach. Unless he goes there to skate. There's this underground skate place where a lot of people go for parties or to just hang around but I don't know where that's at. Did you ask anyone if they've seen him?"

"Yeah." Luhan answers. "No one knows him."

"Try using Chen. He may be using Chen as his name."

"Chen?" Yixing has never heard that before. He thinks he hears Jongin nodding as he makes noise then suddenly whispers.

"I used to call him that when we were younger. He sometimes uses it for people to not know his name. I gotta go. Please find him. It will mean a lot if you bring him safe and sound."

"Don't worry, Jongin. He'll be back." Luhan makes a motion that someone is coming in, so he quickly ends the call and shoves his phone into his pocket. The man is wearing a black zip up with the hood up, Yixing is getting a feeling that he may know Jongdae, so he motions Luhan to ask the man as he's closer to the man than him.

"Hey, do you know anyone by the name of Chen?"

"What?" The man asks, pulling his hood down to reveal that he was wearing earphones. He pulls one out and asks again.

"Know anyone by the name Chen?"

"Chen? No. Oh wait yeah. Come with me. I'll take you to his place." The man says, leading the way up the stairs as both Yixing and Luhan follow. They don't know how many flights of stairs they go up to but when they stop at some random floor, Yixing could tell that there's more flight of stairs to go up to the top floor. The man suddenly turns to them and lowers his voice. "You guys act cool, alright. The man who lives here is kind of, intense."

"We're just looking for Chen." Luhan says as Yixing nods. He's starting to get a bad feeling.

"No I know. But you kind of have to go through this man to get to Chen. He may pull a gun or knife out on you so don't flinch or anything. Just do as he says. Understood?" Yixing and Luhan both look panicked. They shouldn't be here, yet alone dealing with guns and knives, but they need to bring Jongdae back. He shouldn't be dealing with this either. They're already here, they might as well get this over with. If Jongdae could do it, so can they.

"Why is he like this?" Luhan asks the man. He was about to knock too but he turns around to look at them to answer.

"He wasn't always, just that every since he met Chen he became paranoid. He thinks everyone is after Chen to take him away from him. He brings in a ton of cash so he's afraid of anyone that comes here and asks for him. He threatens them but doesn't act upon it. You guys will be fine, just act cool and do what he says." They both nod and take in a huge breath of air as the man knocks, some crashing and yelling can be heard from the other side of the door. When the door opens, a short man who reeks is standing there and looks somewhat drunk and high, holding a small hand gun in his hand.

"What do you want?!"

"These guys here are looking for Chen. I'm here to get my next order." The man says as he walks past the short man to walk inside the apartment. Both Yixing and Luhan stand there not knowing what to do, until the man yells at them to get inside, making both of them jump in place. He slams the door after them, and pushes them both onto some couch behind them. Yixing thinks the couch is completely unsanitary with the way it looks. He looks around then freezes when he feels something cold press underneath his chin.

"You're looking for Chen, huh? What do you want with him?"

"Just a hook up. That's all." Yixing quickly answers, hoping that Luhan will use that as his excuse also.

"Funny. You two don't seem like the hooking up type. Maybe this guy, but I think others might be interested in hooking up with him than the other way around." Yixing side eyes at Luhan, who seems to have a knife pressed on his throat. He watches the man sort of run his fingers through Luhan's hair, mumbling things on how he'll get a shit ton of money if Luhan worked for him. Yixing watches the man they came up with go into the kitchen and look around for some snacks, taking a bite of some cookie then takes a handful with him to sit back down onto the couch. He seems to be interested in what's about to happen to both him and Luhan instead of helping them out, when the door swings open and- _Jongdae! Holy Shit!_ His eyes went wide a little when he noticed Yixing sitting there with what feels like a gun is pressed onto him, but didn't say or do anything, just threw his jacket at the man sitting on the couch with the cookies.

"What the hell are you still here for? Leave!" Jongdae yells at the man. The man just laughs and throws a cookie at Jongdae as he walks past him and heads into a room. Yixing wants to call out for him, Luhan wants to call out for him too, but they're scared for their lives with the man pressing weapons against them. "I won't ask again. Leave already! Unless you want to watch the threesome!" Jongdae yells out, walking back into the living room shirtless and holding a shirt in his hands. The man makes a sort of disgusted face, as he gets up now and heads one more time into the kitchen. The man threatening both Yixing and Luhan turns to look at Jongdae, his back towards the three of them as he looks at the man who went into the kitchen.

"You're having a threesome? Are they it?"

"Yeah, so don't fucking scare them away with your lame ass threats." Jongdae puts the shirt on, the man stepping away and heading into the kitchen with the other man. Luhan and Yixing feel relieved but Yixing is afraid of what may have happened to Jongdae. He has scratch marks down his back, had some sort of bruise on the side of his neck, and he's sure he saw some scars down his chest and stomach. He seemed to have lost a lot of weight also. Yixing wants to cry as he's relieved that Jongdae is not hurt and is OK, but he won't make eye contact with him at all. He's trying to make it seem like he doesn't know them or care about them at all, he just goes into the kitchen and starts yelling at the man to leave.

"We should go. We at least found him and know that he's alright. We can come back next time when he's alone-"

"No. I'm not leaving without him." Yixing whispers back, keeping an eye out for the men in the kitchen and for Jongdae. "I think he's trying to help us."

"That's ridiculous. No he's not. Come on we should go." Luhan whispers back then sits back straight as the man is coming back.

"Are you sure they're you're hook up? They seem, inexperienced."

"Well they're about to become experienced." Jongdae says coming back into the room, making slight eye contact with Yixing then looks at Luhan. He then smirks and elbows the short man in the rib. "I think it would be fine tying up this one. Don't you think?" The short man laughs, but then shakes his head and places a hand on Jongdae's cheek.

"You should convince him to work with us. You two together can bring in lots of cash."

"Yeah... no. He seems like a betrayer." Jongdae says then looks right at Luhan. "I don't work with that." He then turns and groans as the other man hasn't left yet, he decides to grab his arm and drag him out instead, locking the door behind him so he won't go back in. He cracks his fingers then stretches his arms up in the air then suddenly hits the guy and knocks him out, making him fall onto the floor. "You're free now. Get out. And don't ever come back here!" He yells out, going to some room.

"Jongdae what the hell?!" Luhan yells out as he checks the man to see if he's alright, Yixing stands there and watches him leave, wanting to make his legs go after him but he can't make them move.

"Not without you!"

"Leave! Now!"

Not without you, Jongdae!" Yixing yells louder, tears well up in his eyes as he got this far and Jongdae still won't look at him. He's still hurt. "At least come back for Jongin. He needs you."

"Yeah? Well I don't."

"Your mom is looking for you!" Luhan suddenly yells out, it seemed to work as Jongdae steps out from the room, a cigarette between his lips.

"What?"

"Jongin called us just now, he said that your mom is looking for you. He told her what happened to his dad and she started asking about you. He doesn't know what to say to her. We told him that we'll bring you back, don't let us disappoint him. At least come with us so you could see him."

Jongdae looks from Luhan to Yixing, who nods as he agrees with what Luhan just said to him. He seems to get angry instead. "Why are you even with him? He's the one who started all of this!"

"He's helping me bring you back. Just come back Jongdae. Not for me but for Jongin at least. He's so lost without you. He _needs_ you."

"Thats exactly what Kris said to me." Jongdae mumbles.

"What? Kris?"

"Nothing. I'm not coming back. Sorry. Now leave before this jackass wakes up."

"Not without you. Why won't you come with us?"

"There's nothing for me over there."

"That's a lie and you know it. Tell me truth." Yixing says as he steps forward. He's trying to get close to Jongdae, to touch him, but he doesn't want Jongdae to notice what he's doing. Jongdae shakes his head, so Yixing takes another step forward. "Is it me? You don't have to come back for me. I'll be OK with you just being back and with your brother but if it's me, then why did you help us just now? You could've let the man hurt us, but you didn't. You also told your friends at the river to tell us to leave or the men were going to go after us. If you no longer feel anything towards me, then why did you do all of this?" His hand lightly touches Jongdae's cheek, as he's now in front of him, tilting his head to look into his eyes. "Tell me."

"I don't know." Jongdae shrugs. "I'm scared. I don't know what to do."

"Come back with us. If you want me to say that I need you I will. I need you, Jongdae. If I can just, I don't know, save you, you'll save me too. You always will and you know I always will. Just come back, please." Jongdae doesn't say anything, just shakes as his tears are uncontrollable right now. Yixing wipes his eyes, and slowly and softly presses small kisses around his cheeks, his nose, his forehead, his temples, the corner of his mouth, then kisses his lips, his thumbs grazing across his cheek bones as Yixing holds his head in place.

_"You know what? I think I'm losing respect for you."_

_"What?"_

_"Respect. I never realized until now. I'm losing my respect for you." Kris says, as he stands outside and leans against the car. Jongdae was making his way towards the mall not expecting Kris to get out of the car at all and call out for him. Instead he got this and is wondering why Kris would say that._

_"What do you mean by that?"_

_"I mean it exactly how it sounds. You have respect for me, I still don't get why, and now that I see you walking away, I'm starting to realize that I had it for you too, but now I'm slowly losing it."_

_"Why? Because I'm walking away?"_

_"Damn. You figured it out. Yes! Because you're walking away. You're throwing your life away just because Yixing and Jongin betrayed you, because your mother is dying, because you rather give up instead of stepping up and accepting what you really feel. You won't admit it but at least admit it to yourself. You love Yixing, you love Jongin, but you can't say it because you think you're not capable of love just because your mother never showed it to you? Bullshit! Yes she's your mother, but the world doesn't revolve in just your mother's love. How the hell were you even functioning before? Before you found out that your mother was dying? You went on through Yixing's and Jongin's fuel. They're the ones who made you keep on going, and now that you know your mother is dying, you're deciding to give up on that. Give up on them. It sounds so fucked up, I know, but your mother shouldn't be the only reason why you need to move on or shouldn't. Yixing should be it, Jongin should be it, you may not really think of us as friends but they should be it also._ YOU, YOURSELF SHOULD BE IT! _Do not make this mistake, Jongdae. You'll regret it for the rest of your life. Go home. Go be with Jongin and Yixing. They need you and you need them and there's nothing wrong with you needing someone."_

_Jongdae is crying once again. He's standing in the middle of the parking lot, looking at Kris and somewhat shaking, until Kris goes over and hugs him. He holds on tight onto him, crying hard into his chest, as Kris pats his back then places his hand over Jongdae's head and shushes him to get him to calm down. "I want to go home." Jongdae mumbles, Kris nods as he finally got through Jongdae._

_"You will. I'll take you. Don't worry about it. Lets go."_

_"No." Jongdae says as he pulls away and shakes his head. He wipes his face then looks up at Kris. There's something I need to do first."_

"Hey! You never came down. Are you-?"

"What are you doing here?" Luhan asks, as he opens the door as soon as he heard Kris on the other side. Kris is standing there with his arm up ready to knock, looking surprised that Luhan and Yixing are both there.

"What are you two doing here?"

"Why are you here?" Yixing asks, pulling away from Jongdae but still holding onto him as Jongdae sniffles and wipes his eyes.

"He's taking me home." Jongdae answers. We came here to get my stuff so he can take me back and when I saw you guys in here, I had to do something."

"Did you knock him out?"

"Yeah."

"Good. Let's go." Kris says as he leads the way, Luhan running after Kris and both Yixing and Jongdae run off holding hands together. Neither wanting to let go of the other at all.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I can't believe I actually posted today. And on Friday the 13th too. Story Jongdae's number is 13 so it's his good luck day? Lol I don't know sorry. Once again I'm sorry that Jongdae once again has to go through so much but I swear swear that he'll have a happy ending. He deserves it. I'm sorry if I made the chapter triggering and maybe no one was expecting Kris to make Jongdae go back, but it seemed fitting. This is not how I wanted this chapter to go but it's better to post it now or regret the whole thing later. In another world, both Yixing and Jongdae are at home watching the Friday The 13th movie Marathon because they're cute and nerdy like that I guess.
> 
> Thank you to every one of you for liking, subscribing, voting, commenting, reading, glancing, kudos, hits, and everything in between. You have no idea how much in the world it means to me. It always makes my day! So thank you! ^^
> 
> Stay With Me is now on Asianfanfics! So if you're interested on reading there, you can do so **[here!](https://www.asianfanfics.com/story/view/1110551/stay-with-me-chenlay-xingdae-highschoolau-laychen-kimjongbros-minorcharacterdea-punkau/18)**
> 
> Any questions or comments or critiques or you just want to say hi or yell at me for whatever, you can do so **[here.](http://ask.fm/piratenat)** I also give full permission for you to kick my ass for making Jongdae go through so much. Thank you so so much once again, I hope you have a wonderful day or night! ^^ ✌☺ Happy Friday the 13th everyone, stay safe out there.


	16. Chapter 16

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Last paragraph of the previous chapter. Just in case people need a small reminder of what happened previously. (I know I do sometimes.)
> 
>  
> 
> _"What are you two doing here?"_
> 
> _"Why are you here?" Yixing asks, pulling away from Jongdae but still holding onto him as Jongdae sniffles and wipes his eyes._
> 
> _"He's taking me home." Jongdae answers. We came here to get my stuff so he can take me back and when I saw you guys in here, I had to do something."_
> 
> _"Did you knock him out?"_
> 
> _"Yeah."_
> 
> _"Good. Let's go." Kris says as he leads the way, Luhan running after Kris and both Yixing and Jongdae run off holding hands together. Neither wanting to let go of the other at all._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have so so much to say so this may be a long rant type of thing. Sorry. You can skip ahead if you want. You don't have to read at all but I want to apologize once again like always for getting this chapter out really late. I ended up moving away so I didn't have internet for a bit and when I finally got it, I couldn't post anything up because I had no chapter whatsoever.
> 
> I started it but I didn't like where it was going so I erased it and started again, it was kind of hard to focus on it though because we had to settle in and do a bunch of stuff and blah blah, I won't get into it and it basically gave me a writer's block and I had no inspiration for it so I'm so so sorry if that comes across the chapter at all. I may have rushed it or some parts don't make sense and I'm sorry for it but I'll gladly explain if anything doesn't make sense.
> 
> I also didn't want to post during Exo comeback season but it oddly brought inspiration. People apparently are focusing on finals and I didn't know that so yeah sorry. Focus on finals then on the comeback Lol. Anyway sorry for making this too long. I always ask if there's any way I can make it up to you guys but no one gives me suggestions, seriously I'll do whatever, so I tried to do a small surprise thing so please check out the ending notes also. Thank you so so much and I hope you have a fun wonderful comeback and good luck on finals. ^^

It was dark out when Kris and Jongdae finally arrive to Kris' place, Luhan and Yixing arriving just seconds after them. Its been a quiet drive back, Kris telling Jongdae to go to sleep but Jongdae refusing as he's never been good at napping anywhere or anytime. He will never understand how Jongin can do so whenever he wants to. After that, it was mostly quiet, except for the background music playing quietly and Kris asking Jongdae if he's hungry. Jongdae finds it a bit unusual that Kris is being attentive with him, it's something he's not used to, except maybe when he was with-

_Yixing._

Jongdae bites the inside of his lip to keep from crying right now. He's not ready to face him. He let Yixing kiss him at the apartment but he's not sure if he even wants to be with him for the time being. He missed him a lot. He stayed up so many nights just thinking about him and feeling sorry for hurting him. If he didn't before, he hurt him now with him doing what he had to do. Kris kept telling him that Yixing won't even think about taking him back right now if _he_ doesn't want it. Yixing himself told him that he won't do it either, but sooner or later they have to talk to see where they stand. If they'll stay together or end things. If Jongdae is capable of saying what he really feels or choosing not to say anything and just move on from there. Falling for someone and being with them is easy, but moving on from them and forgetting, that's the hard part. Jongdae sighs as he moves to open the door but stops as something else is bothering him.

"Luhan said my mom wanted to see me. Do you have any idea for what?" Jongdae asks quietly before Kris could get out of the car. Kris stops then turns to look at him. He's quiet and serious but then he shrugs and shakes his head. "I thought maybe you would know."

"No. Sorry. But if she wants to see you, that could be a good thing, right? You can talk to her."

"I doubt it will be good. It will be unpredictable that's for sure, but..." Jongdae trails off, looking down at his legs for a second then looks back up at Kris. He's confused. At least that's what's written across his face. "What the hell am I going to say to her? What can I say to her? She won't hear me out at all. What would she say to me?"

"I don't know. You can start with that though." Kris answers. He places a hand on Jongdae's shoulder and gives it a squeeze. He gives him a warm smile as Jongdae thinks for a second about what he said. Letting it process in to come up with an answer. He can ask her to just hear him out on what he wants to say to her then just go from there. He nods as he's OK with the reply, then opens the car door to get out. He's barely closing it when Jongin is standing by the front door of the house then runs on over as soon as he sees Jongdae. Jongdae barely reacts as Jongin suddenly hugs him tight and buries his face against him as he begins to cry, hugging Jongdae tight against him. Once Jongdae figures out what just happened, he buries his face against Jongin and cries as well.

There are sobs being heard coming from the two of them. Mumbles, small laughs, pulling away for a second to look at one another then wipe the tears away, but Jongin shakes his head as his lower lip trembles and pulls his brother into a hug once again. Jongdae begins to shush him to comfort him, telling him that everything is OK now, his hand going to Jongin's hair as he starts to smooth it down, while Jongin shakes in his arms as he sobs. Jongin pulls away again, only to smack Jongdae's arm as he's angry and yells at him for leaving him or asking why did he leave him, but Jongdae shakes his head and apologizes. His voice cracks and looks broken for betraying Jongin like that. Its no longer about Jongin or Yixing betraying him, but about Jongdae betraying his brother, and he thinks it's way worse than what they did to him. He always swore that he'll be there, but this time he wasn't and Jongdae knows that Jongin hates him right now for leaving him behind.

"I-I don't want to hear it, hyung! You left and, and…" Jongin trails off, his hand going to his nose as he sniffs. He's crying a lot. His emotions are mixed. He's upset but also happy that his brother is back. He wants to yell at him for leaving him, but he also wants to hug him and hold him and tell him how glad he is that his brother is back and make him promise that he'll never do it again. On the other hand, he doesn't know what to do because Jongdae is back and looks in horrible shape and he wants to ask him what happened to him, but at the same time he doesn't even want to do anything at all, but go out and find the person who did this to his brother.

"I'm so sorry, Jongin." Jongdae whispers. "I was just so angry and upset and I let it get to me when I shouldn't have and... you know you're the only person I would never hurt… in the end I guess I did, but I-"

"Fuck, hyung. You'll never stop apologizing if I don't stop you. I just... I want you to hug me and tell me that you'll never let me go. That's all I want right now." Jongdae smiles as he watches Jongin wipe his face with his hands again. He smiles also but starts crying as Jongdae pulls him into a tight hug and whispers something for him to hear. He nods as he agrees, then smiles again. Jongdae is smiling at his brother back, using the hem of his shirt to wipe Jongin's tears away. When he notices that everyone is outside watching the two of them, he clears his throat and laces his fingers with his brother as he does the same and leads the way towards the front door of the house. Jongdae follows at first but when they're right in front of the door, Jongdae stops and hesitates. He's not comfortable going inside at all, so Kris walks over to him and places a reassuring hand on his shoulder, telling him he'll be OK and that it's alright to go in, but Jongdae doesn't want to. Tao tries to convince him also but it seems like Jongdae doesn't want to go in at all. He rather stay outside or go home than go in.

"Our parents aren't home I swear." Tao says, holding his hand out for Jongdae to take. He feels that Jongdae will never reach for it but it's at least a sign that invites Jongdae inside.

"No. I uhh. I still have to go do something."

"You just got here hyung, where are you going?" Jongin asks. Jongdae looks at everyone but when he looks at Yixing he quickly looks away to look back at Jongin. He reaches for his free hand and gives it a small squeeze, taking out a big wad of cash from his jacket to hand it to Jongin. "Where did you-? I can't take this hyung!"

"I rather not say right now, but I need to go finish your father's business. Take the rest and buy whatever medications or whatever mom needs right now. I promise I'll come back."

"Then let me go with you!"

"No! I should go alone. I swear I'll be fine and come back, you'll be here, right?" Jongdae asks, noticing the fresh tears that are falling from Jongin's eyes. He reaches up to wipe them away, he understands why his brother is being like this but he swears on his life that he'll come back and won't leave him again. "Jongin, I pinky promise you that I'll come back, just get some rest and get something to eat-"

"You should too, hyung. You need it more than me. You've lost weight." He whispers the last part. He sort of pokes Jongdae's cheek, noticing that his cheekbones are sticking out more than before. "Whatever it is could wait."

"I won't be able to rest until that matter is set. Please do this for me, Jongin. I won't leave you again." Jongdae sticks his pinky out to show Jongin that he's being serious. Jongin sniffs and wipes his face with his sleeve then sticks his pinky out as well but doesn't cross it with Jongdae just yet as he has something else to say.

"At least take someone with you. Please?" Yixing wants to volunteer really badly. He knows why Jongdae wants to go and handle the situation at hand. He finally has money and money is what's needed to pay off the debt. But he doesn't want to volunteer in case Jongdae doesn't want him to go with him. They haven't exactly gotten a chance to talk since they went in separate cars, if Yixing goes, maybe he can talk with Jongdae about their situation, but a gut feeling is telling him that it really is not the right time to do so.

Luhan suddenly raises his hand and volunteers to go. "I'll go with him." He yells out, getting everyone's attention. Some of their friends seem surprised as if they never saw him standing there. Yixing watches Jongdae carefully. He kind of glares as if he doesn't want Luhan to go with him, but then he nods saying he approves of him. Kris also raises his hand to volunteer, Jongdae looks shocked right at him.

"No you should stay. You already did enough for me."

"And I said that I'll help you in everything, and if this is something you need to do, I'll be there for you."

"You don't even know what I'm about to do."

"That's fine." Kris smiles then ruffles Jongdae's hair, turning around to head to the driver's side of the car. "You can just tell me in the car." Jongin nods, a sign that he's OK with both Kris and Luhan going with him and Jongdae should be OK with it too. He looks at his brother to see his answer then pulls him into a hug one more time. Jongin is the one to pull away only to take off something and give it to his brother.

"You should wear it." Jongdae looks down at his chest then shakes his head, trying to pull it off of himself while Jongin holds his wrists and insists for him to keep it. "Please, hyung, I'll feel better knowing you have it." Yixing can't exactly see what it is. But it looks like a necklace. He never thought Jongin would be the necklace wearing type. Especially when he's never seen him wear them before. It must mean a lot to Jongin though if Jongdae is refusing on wearing it.

"It's your favorite though."

"You were the one who gave it to me in the first place when things were bad, remember? I want you to wear it, hyung. Just for the mean time." Jongdae nods then pulls Jongin into a quick hug. He whispers something one last time to his brother, reaches up to his eyes to wipe his tears then turns to walk away. Baekhyun yells out something then quickly runs to Jongdae and hugs him. Everyone expects Jongdae to push him away, but instead he hugs him back and whispers something to him also. Yixing doesn't pick up what was said betweent them, but he could see clearly that the thing that Jongin put around Jongdae's neck is a silver chain necklace with a stone as the pendant. It looks almost fiery red, and very vibrant looking too, but under some light or sunlight it seems to change colors. He wants to wish Jongdae some good luck, but Luhan touches his arm to get his attention, as Jongdae walks towards the car after him and Baekhyun pull away.

"Are you going to be OK? You should come-"

"No. I don't know if Jongdae even wants me to go. He would've said something already."

"You should still go. Its not fair that he's letting me go and not you when you and him-"

"I don't think so, Luhan. Just go with him. Take care of him, please?" Yixing asks. Luhan nods, squeezing Yixing's arm to say goodbye but Yixing settles on hugging him better, and hugs him tight, whispering "bring him back safe and sound."

"I will." Luhan says, pulling Yixing away at arms length and smiles at him. "You know I will."

"Just making sure." Luhan starts walking towards the car, everyone waves good bye at the three of them, but Yixing stares at Jongdae who is staring back, not bothering to wave at each other or say anything out loud. He then looks away, giving a smile to Kris as he starts the car and starts driving away. Its not a real happy genuine smile, and Yixing knows that whatever happened to Jongdae can't be good at all. _"I'll teach you to love. I'll teach you to love again."_

-

Yixing doesn't know what to say. Jongin asked him to tell him what happened when they went looking for Jongdae, but he doesn't know what to answer as he himself doesn't really know. He knows Jongin is asking because of the way Jongdae looks. But Yixing doesn't know because he didn't witness anything. All he knows is that his brother has been selling drugs and probably himself, how can he tell Jongin that?

"Was he living by the beach?"

Yixing nods. "There were some apartment buildings by there and he was living in one of them. You were right though. He was going by the name of Chen."

"Chen? Isn't that your cousin or something?" Sehun asks. Jongin sort of smiles as he shakes his head.

"No, it was my hyung all along. I don't have cousins."

"Not even from your dad's side?" Tao asks. Now that Yixing thinks about it, neither Jongin or Jongdae ever mentioned anything about other family members. Its just them. It always been _just them_.

"Nope. Well he did have a brother but I don't know what happened to him. I think he died young or him and my dad don't like each other or something. I never heard or seen him. My brother calls me Kai and I call him Chen. It sort of just stuck with him since he doesn't really look like my brother at all so everyone sort of believe that his name is Chen. He also tends to use it a lot whenever he doesn't want anyone learning his real name."

"I don't want to be mean Jongin, but he looks really bad. Are you sure he was living there?" Chanyeol asks, mostly at Yixing. _What the hell do I say?_

"I don't know." Yixing answers. "We... it happened so fast. I think. We asked a guy if he knew anyone named Chen and he said yea that he'll take us to him. When we went upstairs he stopped at some door and said that there's a man in there kind of intense and crazy and to be careful and do what the man says. I honestly thought that he was talking about Jongdae but when he knocked, some short man opened the door then suddenly we're inside sitting on some couch having a gun or knife on us and-"

"He pointed a gun on you guys?!" Junmyeon yells out. Yixing looks at Junmyeon who seems horrified but he thinks it's not a big old deal when he's sure Jongdae went through much more. So he nods and continues.

"Yes. A gun. Luhan had a knife on him."

"Honestly though, how can you say that so calm? I would've been freaking out about it." Baekhyun comments and everyone seems to agree as they all nod along.

"Its not a big deal. I mean, how can it be when I'm sure Jongdae went through much more."

"What do you mean?" Jongin asks. Yixing gulps. _Its time to tell him the truth._ He changes his body position so he can face Jongin then reaches for his hand to take in his. He hesitates for a second as he looks down on Jongin's hand, his own lightly tapping Jongin's knuckles. "You're making me worry, Yixing. What is it?"

Yixing sighs, his vision getting blurry as tears are suddenly welling up and he refuses to release them. "Jongin... your brother..."

"Yeah?"

"Jongdae… apparently was dealing drugs and sleeping around with people to get the money that he gave you, I'm sure he has more to go pay off your father's debt, that's why he wanted to leave so badly so he can finally pay the guys off. But... I think these people who he's been sleeping around with... I think they've been hurting him. That's why he's in bad shape. I didn't want to tell you because I didn't know _how_ to tell you, but it's the reason why this whole thing even started in the first place. Keeping things from one another shouldn't be a thing between all of us at all, especially with you and Jongdae. You guys have been hurt enough and-"

"Honestly though." Jongin interrupts. He's crying again but it's not full on sobbing like he done so when he went to hug Jongdae. "I should be given a big old shit about my mom but… how come I'm not? Am I a bad kid for not doing so or what? My brother was getting abused by these assholes and that hurts more than my mother dying?! Am I a horrible person?!" Jongin yells out. Suddenly everyone huddles around Jongin to hug him or wipe his tears away, telling him that he's not a bad son at all. Yixing just sits there, holding onto Jongin's hand, not knowing what to do or say to him.

"You're a great brother. That's what you are, Jongin. Your mother didn't give a shit about your brother so you did, that's why it hurts. He's the one that's been there for you through everything. He took care of you like a father and an older brother, that's why it hurts. You're not a bad son. If anything, you're a great one, an even greater brother, and an amazing human being. You of course care about your mother but because you feel like no one is out there caring about Jongdae, you're doing so yourself. There's nothing wrong with not being upset about your mom. You're obviously being strong and brave throughout this, especially knowing that Jongdae would rather bend and break than dealing with it, so you're being strong for the two of you." Yixing looks up at Junmyeon as he holds Jongin in his arms and comforts him. Junmyeon took the words right out of his mouth or more like Junmyeon is being able to comfort Jongin really well, while Yixing is upset because he doesn't know what to say to him or what to do. Jongin and Jongdae are not the same person. And the fact that Jongdae rather bend and break than deal with his mother's news has Yixing feeling horrible.

"I feel like crap for somewhat feeling the same. I should be worried and concerned but all I keep thinking about is him never taking me back. Not even being my friend, which I'll gladly be it. I want to be there for him but because I hurt him and he doesn't trust easily… I can't picture my life without him." Yixing cries. Jongin immediately pulls away from Junmyeon to go towards Yixing to hug him. Together crying into each other's chests.

"You really, really love him don't you?" Jongin mumbles. Yixing nods, Baekhyun offering tissues to the both of them as the others go over and huddle around them to hug them both.

"It's weird picturing anything without him. He's my everything, Jongin. Everything just feels so empty with him not here, but I don't think he'll want me back at all so it's something I gotta get used to." Yixing's tone suddenly lowers, fresh tears falling down, sniffling to keep his snot from coming out for crying. "I don't want to get used to it at all though. I want him back. I _need_ him back with me. I suck for even thinking like this, but I swear I can save him and protect him. I can show him love and he'll never have to turn to the dark side of anything again. I'm falling apart without him, I swear. I'm trying to be strong and brave but it's so, so, hard. I just want him back and to stay with me." Yixing whispers.

Jongin nods. "Same with me. But I believe you're the only one who can get him to stay. He loves you and I don't want him to throw that away at all. You two are meant to be together." Yixing just looks at Jongin. He doesn't know what to say especially when the rest of their friends start mentioning how him and Jongdae are meant to be and how good they look together.

"He won't come back. Kris got him to come back. It wasn't me at all." Yixing explains, trying to wipe his face clean as if he never cried in case Kris, Luhan, and Jongdae come back. "I can't get him to stay if I can't get him to come back."

"That's where you're wrong. I've seen people come and go from his life, but with you is different. I don't know what it is and I didn't know what it was until I realized that he loves you immensely. He'll say no at first but he'll never keep away, especially if you keep insisting. He'll come around, especially when he loves you. He just... give him time to admit it. I know he loves you. After all, the actions that he's done or doing, we may not like them at all or find them too much, he's doing it because he cares." Yixing nods as he knew that all along. People just needed to be a little bit open minded with him to see it.

-

Jongdae grew quiet as soon as he told Kris why he wanted to leave and handle the situation by himself. Kris and Luhan were being quiet, a little weird since they're friends and Jongdae is sure that they're on speaking turns with one another. Them not speaking or music even playing quietly as background noise, is making Jongdae go on the edge. He sort of expected a plan getting processed right now as soon as he told them where he was going. But nothing. Just silence. So he looks out the window, the different scenery passing him by. Hard to make a mental memory of it though as it is just a blur. So far everything seems like a blur to him. Especially those really hard nights. He doesn't want to think about it that much, he should forget about it and move on. Move on from _him._

"Hey."

"What?" Luhan's head is turned to look at Jongdae from the front seat. He's trying to make conversation with him, which makes him roll his eyes. Jongdae thinks it was better off with the whole car being quiet, than Luhan trying to talk to him.

"You saving us. Or… you helping us, I mean. Thanks for that." He says. Jongdae just nods then looks away thinking the conversation is over but Luhan continues staring at him. He doesn't say anything so it makes Jongdae uncomfortable, really uncomfortable. He's looking out the window watching everything blur by until Luhan speaks up again.

"You didn't have to save me but I'm glad you saved Yixing. So thanks." Jongdae just looks at him to nod then goes back to staring at whatever is out the window. Luhan sighs then turns away, Jongdae somewhat relaxes his body as he was tense in his seat. Kris doesn't say anything as he noticed from the rear view mirror Jongdae relax into the backseat. Jongdae probably thought that Luhan might've done something to him. Kris kind of expected Jongdae to do something to Luhan, but once again the drive is quiet and since Kris lives a bit far from the brigde and river, the car ride is going to be long. "Screw it." Luhan suddenly says, unbuckling his seat belt to go to the backseat with Jongdae, Kris asking Luhan what he was doing, while Jongdae immediately presses his body towards the door so he won't be close to Luhan at all. He shifts for a bit to get himself comfortable and properly seated, then puts the seat belt on as Kris can be kind of strict when it comes to seat belts and his passengers wearing them. "If I don't do it now, I never will. So..."

"So?" Jongdae repeats.

"Hey! You two better not fight back there or I'll go back there myself also." Kris adds. Luhan laughs while Jongdae smiles. But everything about it screams fake. He's not really in the mood to be smiling about anything, but he's trying. And Kris finds it admirable. Especially the things Jongdae went through and what happened today and what he's about to do.

"I just... I don't know... I'm horrible at this, but I guess I can start on why I'm going to you last." Jongdae is confused. His eyebrow is arched, though he has some sort of idea of what Luhan is talking about. "You have Jongin and I have Yixing. I wanted my relationship to work more than anything with him so I went to him first when I should've gone to you since the beginning. I hurt you and Yixing and... I'm-" Luhan stops. He groans then scratches his head to take a second then starts again. "I'm sorry, Jongdae. I never meant to hurt you or your brother at all, I was just... I was afraid that you'll hurt Yixing. I wasn't thinking at all when I told her everything. To be honest I looked for you to talk, but when I saw her I thought it was too easy to get you two to break up, but honestly I was never expecting this. I'm sorry Jongdae. I truly am. You don't have to forgive me, but I hope you know that I regret it." Jongdae just watches him and watches for a long time that Luhan asks him on what he's thinking or if he'll forgive him or not but Jongdae-

"I'm so tired." He says with a soft voice. "I just... I'm angry I'll admit, but I'm tired of everything and just want to sleep and not wake for a real long time or until I figure everything out, but at the same time I don't want to sleep. Jongin would forgive you. He'll ask me to forgive you also so I guess I'm going to do that. I don't want to be angry anymore, so I forgive you. I'm sorry for hurting Yixing and you I guess." This time it's Luhan's turn to look confused. Kris listening to the two of them, is confused as well. "Before you ask why I'll tell you." Jongdae pauses to clear his throat to speak a little louder, to include Kris in on the situation as well. "I think you know, but Yixing and I slept together. It was our first time too but in a way we didn't count it as our first but more like practice with one another. It was my first time with a guy also and... we blew each other off from time to time but I slept with him and yeah. When I left and I started sleeping for money, I slept with both guys and girls. I hurt Yixing by doing that." Kris figures it out right away, knowing where Jongdae is going with this. It takes Luhan a second to figure it out also.

"Oh no."

"Yeah."

"You're sick?" Luhan looks and sounds upset, Jongdae doesn't think too much about it. He doesn't want to think if Luhan's reaction is real or fake but he shrugs to give an answer.

"I may be." He says. Luhan closes his eyes and shakes his head. He can't believe it. He may not have liked Jongdae at some point but _this_ is too much. For any of them, for Jongin, for Yixing, for _Jongdae_ to even handle. Too much. Which includes their mother dying, their dad dying and somewhat putting a huge debt on them, Jongdae going through so much. So much, no one could ever imagine. Luhan feels sick. Kris is gripping the steering wheel hard and Jongdae… _how is Jongdae even real? how is he not breaking down at this?_ "A lot of them didn't use protection on me and I definitely didn't use protection either. When Yixing finds out, it will crush him and I will hurt him and that's why I'm apologizing. I should apologize to him but I can't face him. I'm afraid of facing him. I've spent so many nights staying awake the whole night because I was afraid of falling asleep. When I was with others I pictured him and everything was going to be OK, but then again when they were rough on me I still pictured him and I grew to somewhat hate him. I just thought that Yixing would never hurt me but thinking about that day, which is a bit ridiculous I know, I just... he hurt me and if he done it before he'll do it again and its ridiculous that I had that mindset throughout those hard nights, but I don't want to face him right now. I'm scared and so tired and I'm so, so, sorry for hurting him." Jongdae is sobbing, Kris slams his fist down against the steering wheel and yells at Luhan to hold him since he's the one closer to Jongdae and Kris is stuck driving. That's what Jongdae needs right now. Someone to hold him. He quickly scoots closer and very slowly and very gently, pulls Jongdae into his arms and holds him. He doesn't offer words to comfort him but he offers arms and silence, as the three silently cry in the car, making their way towards the bridge.

-

Jongdae begged them not to get out with him but they were both set on getting out and being Jongdae's backup no matter what since the beginning. He said that he'll just go and turn the money in, but Kris knows that it would never be that easy especially when it came down to things like this. They were either going to ask questions or hurt Jongdae and Kris wasn't going to allow him to go by himself at all. After the three of them crying and Luhan basically holding Jongdae throughout the car ride, Luhan kind of became more caring towards Jongdae, he thinks because the fact that he may or may not be dying by aids or something, Luhan is trying to be nice towards him. Or is really good at pretending that he gives a shit when he probably doesn't. Jongdae doesn't dwell on it, as he just wants to get the whole thing over with, since there's still so much more to deal with. He sighs as they now jumped over the fence and were now making their way towards some of the kids skating around. Jongdae doesn't see the men that go after him around, but they're sneaky as hell as they can suddenly pop out from nowhere. He still smiles though as the guys skating around are actually his friends.

"Shit, Jongdae. You look bad." One of the guys says, giving Jongdae some sort of hand shake that pulls him in for a quick hug. Jongdae laughs then pulls away from the guy, both of them doing some sort of finger snapping move after. Luhan notices that it's the very same guy who helped both Yixing and him earlier but he doesn't quite seem to remember him.

"Really? I fucking feel like a million bucks."

"Are you back for good?" The guy asks, another skateboarder stopping beside the guy who asked, pulling Jongdae into another handshake hug thing. Kris and Luhan silently watch from the side, Luhan may be a bit alert as he remembers the last time he was here.

"Yeah. Sort of. I kind of want to handle business first and then we'll see if I get to stay or not." Jongdae turns to look at both Kris and Luhan but some skater arrives and looks angry at Jongdae, moving his head as if motioning at both Kris and Luhan.

"Yo! Who brought outsiders?" The skater asks. Jongdae turns back to look at the guy, giving him a "not in the mood" kind of glare.

"I did. Why?"

"You know the rules, Jongdae. No fucking outsiders allowed." Jongdae scoffs then walks past by the guy, moving towards the couch to sit on it. He makes some sort of hand sign towards Kris and Luhan, not wanting the others to notice. They don't catch what he's trying to tell them at first, but when Luhan turns around, he sees that the group of guys who probably wanted problems with him and Yixing before, were coming forward. Luhan nods then looks at Kris, getting him to look at who's coming. After he looks, he nods at Jongdae also, who continues talking to his friends. The guy who keeps getting ignored, groans and runs on over to the other side to tell the guys what's going on. Its obvious though, since Kris and Luhan are sticking out like sore thumbs, the guys don't care at all. All they care about is Jongdae and their money.

"Well, well, well, if it isn't Kim Fucking Jongdae. Where have you been hiding at? Huh?" A short man asks, who seems to be the leader of the damn group gang. Jongdae gets off of the couch, stepping forward towards the men. He looks fragile and broken with his physical appearance, but somehow Jongdae looks bigger, like he's confident and can take on anyone right now.

"I haven't been hiding anywhere. I'm here to pay off the debt." The men laugh but when he reaches into his jacket for the money, he throws it at the man in charge, checking to see if the money is real or fake. The man smirks, rolling his finger across the bills to make them fan out. Kris and Luhan both notice that the skaters are now long gone, skating far away from everyone to stay away, but also watch on what's about to happen.

"Before we do, who are they?"

"None of your business. How much do you need?" Jongdae asks. He shoves his hand into his jacket again, as if pulling out something but never does. He's calculating the man's every move and every situation thag pops into his head as the man talks to the "gang members". _So far so good._ Kris and Luhan stepping closer to Jongdae to help him in case something quick happens.

"Alright. Let's talk." The man says, a look on his face that has all three of them really alert just in case. Hopefully it goes by really smoothly between them. Jongdae would like to go home now.

-

"What the hell happened?!" Junmyeon yells out, as soon as he notices that Kris' plain white shirt has blood, Luhan is somewhat limping, and Jongdae has a swollen eye and some sort of pain on his rib cage. They look really crappy but from the way Kris is smiling at both Jongdae and Luhan, it must be really good news.

"We took care of business." Kris answers, laughing out loud as both Jongdae and Luhan join him. Kris then hisses as Junmyeon presses a cotton ball onto his lip, the others laughing at him. He doesn't care though. Someone can relax tonight and he feels really good about it. "They will never bother you or Jongdae, or your mom ever again." Kris says to Jongin mostly, while Jongdae nods.

"You paid the debt?" Jongin asks.

"Yup. It took some ass kicking-"

"And Jongdae's skater friends to join us, but we did it." Kris pumps a hand up in the air but it's kind of short lived as Junmyeon is pressing another alcohol covered cotton ball onto his eyebrow. "Ow Junmyeon!"

"Your mom is going to kick your ass for showing up to graduation all beat up." Junmyeon says, passing the bag of cotton balls and alcohol around to get everyone to help clean out and disinfect the cuts and bruises. Jongdae is sitting by Jongin though, his hand laced with his brother and tightening his fingers together. He's a bit nervous right now.

"I completely forgot about that. Totally worth it though." Kris comments, him and Luhan high fiving each other as Luhan is bleeding from his face also, but not as bad as Kris.

"Want to go home, hyung?" Jongin asks quietly. Yixing wants to help Jongdae with his cuts but he's afraid of approaching him. He instead stays at ear shot length, listening to both of the brothers talk quietly amongst each other. Its called eavesdropping but Yixing wants to know if Jongdae is OK or not. If he's not, he'll step up to the plate and just help.

"I'm scared."

"She wants to see you."

"Maybe we should wait. I don't think this is appropriate appearance."

Jongin laughs and squeezes Jongdae's fingers a little more tightly. "She won't care. She's seen worse, remember?" Jongdae nods. He looks around at everyone in the room then looks at his clasped hands with Jongin.

"You won't leave right? Like I promise that I would never leave you again?"

Jongin nods. "I pinky swear, cross my heart. I'll stay with you." Jongdae nods. Sticking his pinky out in the air then suddenly moves it towards his chest, where his heart is, then crosses his finger across it. Jongin smiles, Jongdae probably trying to do the same but his face is swollen, Kyungsoo is the one who hands Jongdae a bag of ice to make the swelling go down. When Jongdae nods at Kris, he gets up and gets his car keys again, Junmyeon asks him where he's going.

"Gonna drop the Jong brothers up. I'll be back." Kris leans down to kiss Junmyeon on the lips, Junmyeon moving towards Luhan to help him heal his cuts after. Jongdae looked away and looked right at Yixing who was looking right at him. He immediately turned his head, remembering what Luhan and Kris said to him. Yixing just sighs and helps Luhan and the others with the cuts. Jongdae definitely doesn't want anything to do with him anymore. The Jong brothers wave goodbye and walk out the door, Yixing hating himself for not having the guts all day. Maybe next time. Right now he's wondering how Jongdae's meeting with his mom would go. He seriously hopes it goes OK. He's been hoping on that all day. _Relationship with his mother is more important than you and me. I understand._ Yixing is not too sure on that.

-

The small little house looks just the same as the last time Jongdae has been there. He's kind of expecting Kris to say something about the size of it or the look of the small house, but he never says anything. He probably has been here more than Jongdae himself so he's used to it. He takes a big huge breath then steps out of the car. They both wave good bye at KrisI , Jongdae thanking him so many times, telling him that he'll find a way to make it up to him, Kris laughs and tells him to stop.

"Remember, if you two need anything, then let me know. I'll help you guys out."

"OK. Thanks Kris." Jongdae just nods then waves goodbye as Kris drives away. Jongdae is hesitating so so much. A giant lump dropping inside him and weighing him down every single time he takes a step forward towards the front door of the house. It takes Jongin dragging him inside, not having any memory whatsoever of the inside of the house, Jongdae stops to take a look around trying to see if he remembers anything. Jongin disappears for a bit, while Jongdae is looking around the living room. There's a small couch and an old tv and by the side there's a shelf with some of Jongin's dance trophies and pictures of Jongin with mom and dad, but Jongin never smiles in them. In every picture of Jongin with their mom or dad, he's not smiling. There's nothing there that belongs to Jongdae so he looks away, almost bumping into a small side table with a lamp. He sees the kitchen, a small fridge and no stove but a stove top and a small kitchen table, full of random medicine bottles, glass cups, cereal boxes and a ton of papers. Jongin walks in and smiles at him.

"I hate that side table too. Everyone always runs into it." Jongdae stays quiet and looks around one more time. There's a window with probably the most hideous curtains ever, there's a picture frame on the wall but it seems that no one has ever put a picture in it as the people of the picture that's there are people Jongdae has never seen before. Jongin is handing Jongdae a small picture frame of the both them as Jongdae turns back to look at him. Its a picture of him and Jongin together as kids. Jongin is sort of on top of Jongdae as Jongdae struggles to hold him up but also pose at the same time, showing a small finger peace sign while Jongin is laughing and doing the sign as well. They're both shirtless, and wet and Jongdae could see by the side that there's a small swimming pool besides them. "Do you remember that? Grandma sent it a while back but every time I look at it, I don't remember that day at all."

Jongdae thinks he does. "Wasn't that during summer? Before we moved from grandma's place?"

"Oh and Grandma bought us an inflatable pool and we ate outside in the backyard?" Jongdae nods as that is exactly what he remembers. "Oh yeah... I remember now." Jongin says, taking the picture frame in his hand to look at the picture closely. "Its so weird looking at pictures you don't even remember taking. There's also hardly any pictures of us as kids, it's weird."

"Yeah. At least there's some of you now. When you get old and have kids you can show them a picture of you when you were younger."

"Hell no. I am not showing them these." Jongin says, moving away from them and heading into the kitchen to look through some cabinet.

"Why not? You look good and it's on the days that you won your trophies." Jongdae stands by the kitchen, watching Jongin take out some ramen cups and some medications. He takes about 6 different pills in total, all from different bottles then reaches for a glass to fill it up with water. Jongdae decides to start biting the inside of his lip now to keep from bursting out whatever.

"You weren't there, hyung. I was happy that I won but when I saw that you weren't there to see me during the competition, I never smiled for those pictures. Mom always got mad, saying that I ruined a perfectly good picture, but it was because they never told you to come and because they never asked you, I never showed that I was happy. If you were there, I would've even fucking laughed." Jongdae stays quiet, a small smile gracing his face but it's short lived. He should've done better effort to be there every single time instead of just giving up. He would ask his dad but he would always say that his mom doesn't want him there or that he's not even going at all, but apparently he went all the time. "Is it weird coming back here?"

"No." Jongdae shakes his head. "Its just... it feels like I don't even remember anything about this place. Like I have no memories here. I'm trying to remember something but nothing. Except maybe that one time we came home from school and they were fighting and they slammed the door to my face."

"I guess you only remember the bad things, huh?"

"No. Thats not true. I just don't remember anything from here. Only the good times where I was away from here and I had to take care of you." Jongin smiles a little, stepping forward toward Jongdae to give him a hug. They hug for a long minute, Jongdae notices that Jongin wiped his eye, looking down to avoid eye contact with him. He grabs the glass full of water then wipes the counter down so the pills can fall onto his palm so he can hand them to Jongdae.

"I told her that you're here. No matter what, see it as the glass still full. Take this to her. I'll be here cooking some ramen for the both of us."

Jongdae is confused. "Glass still full? What? Wait, what does she have? Are you the only one taking care of her?"

Jongin nods, crossing his arms across his chest as he leans against the counter. "You'll figure it out, but umm..."

"What?"

"She has terminal lung cancer." Jongdae's face just dropped. He was expecting it to be at the early signs of cancer, not terminal. What is he going to do now? A part time fast food job doesn't pay much, and the money he got is probably only useful for maybe one kind of medication. How are they going to get through this? "Hyung, please don't freak out. We can make it. She doesn't even need much medication actually, a bunch of these are vitamins, don't worry. She's set on leaving and not doing much actually." Jongin whispers the last part but it's loud enough for Jongdae to hear and get upset.

"She's what?"

"She keeps telling Grandma what's the point of her trying to stay alive when it's already at the last stages."

"Is that why-"

"I don't know." Jongin shrugs. "But she wants to see you. Go to her. I'll be here. Grandma may come later or in the morning. She's staying with us for a bit to help out. Don't think or worry too much, hyung. We'll both be OK as long as we're both together. You know that."

"Yeah." Jongdae nods. "Together." He repeats but Jongdae doesn't move from his spot. He's afraid of going to go see his mom. He's actually shaking a little as there's so much going on and he doesn't know how to deal with it other than lightening up and taking a hit or drag of something. He slowly turns around to leave the kitchen and slowly makes his way over to the room. A million scenarios are running through his mind, a million images of how he'll find his mom keep flashing at him. He's nervous and scared but worried and also upset that just like him she's willing to give up.

"Just tell her how you feel." He whispers to himself. He takes a big breath in then slowly exhales it out, knocking on the closed door and waiting for the come in. His eyes are closed tightly shut and when he hears a faint raspy come in, he opens his eyes and opens the door. There's a table lamp on by the bed, a couple of oxygen tanks by the side of the room and his mom sitting up on the bed hooked up to one of the tanks. Her dark hair looking lifeless but in a bun, her skin almost pale white, her hand up close to her mouth as if she was about to cough or sneeze but when she sees Jongdae she stopped midway. He can't read her expression at all. Is she mad or sad that he's there? Is she happy or excited, seeing him stand there? Or what?

"Jesus Christ kid, you look like shit."

"I could say the same thing about you." Jongdae says, stepping a little more inside of the room to close the door behind him. And for the first time ever, Jongdae sees his mom smiling around him. Smiling _because_ of him and the same old thoughts he had of her as a kid are still the same as before. She still looks beautiful to him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I was going to write a small Xingdae related thing that has nothing to do with the story, or maybe it does but more like in the future, but since the Exo teasers are out I got struck with inspiration from that. This story is coming to an end soon, hopefully 21 chapters to be exact but we'll see. (Even though deep down I wanted it to be like around 30 or 60 chapters of xingdae doing nonsense cute things but it will just ruin the story plot if I do, so I'll write them here.)
> 
> One of the teasers has Jongin with a fake watercolor tattoo so picture story Jongdae taking Jongin to get his first tattoo done. A watercolor type of tattoo where Jongin winces and whines that it hurts and Jongdae stays by his side throughout the whole thing. They later have to go to the hospital because Jongin may have crushed Jongdae's hand. Or both Yixing and Jongdae dressing up in all black during Halloween and just going around scaring everyone, not even bothering to get candy. Or dressing up like priests and just full on making out in front of people just to throw people off. Things like that pop into my head and won't go away and I thought I should share them with you as a way of saying thanks for even glancing at this story. Thank you thank you thank you so so much it really means the world to me. Thank you to every one of you for liking, subscribing, voting, commenting, reading, glancing, kudos, hits, and everything in between. ^^
> 
> Stay With Me is now on Asianfanfics! So if you're interested on reading there, you can do so **[here!](https://www.asianfanfics.com/story/view/1110551/stay-with-me-chenlay-xingdae-highschoolau-laychen-kimjongbros-minorcharacterdea-punkau/18)**
> 
> Any questions or comments or critiques or you just want to say hi or yell at me for whatever, or want to freak out over the comeback, you can do so **[here.](http://ask.fm/piratenat)** You don't have to sign up or anything. You can remain anonymous on there or just tell me your name to remember you as or something. Thank you so so much once again, I hope you have a wonderful day or night. Have fun and good luck on finals! You can do it! ✌☺


	17. Chapter 17

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh Jesus, I miss you guys. I miss updating as well. I miss Jongdae and Yixing and everyone in the story and outside of the story, and although I want to say much much more, I just really really hope that I didn't disappoint any of you guys with this chapter. This was hard to write on so many levels but seriously if one little thing is disappointing as hell, please please let me know so I can try again.
> 
> I don't think this chapter needs a warning. Just in case though, there's bad words here and the word rape does come up. So if you don't like any of that please please PLEASE DO NOT READ. Thank you. Enjoy. ^^

It takes Jongdae a lot of persuasion from his mother just to get him to sit by her and hand her her medications. It took a long time for any of them to speak up to each other. Both of them wanting to say something first at the same time, then both of them wanting the other to go ahead only to be filled with silence once again. It was awkward in the room, Jongdae wanted to leave, and when he made motion of him getting up from his seat, his mother looked over and asked him where he was going.

"I'm just going to help Jongin out in the kitchen." He said, pointing behind him towards the door as he was halfway standing up from the chair.

"Are you really going to help him, or you're trying to get away from me?"

Ok. Jongdae was not expecting that. "Umm... Both?" He answered honestly, it made his mom chuckle.

"Can you stay with me for a bit?" She asked. Jongdae wanted to say no. This whole thing was making him uncomfortable, he wanted to run out and avoid her. He thinks though that maybe this is what Jongin meant when he said to think of the situation as "glass full". _See things in a different perspective. Say yes. Be positive._

"Umm sure." Jongdae says then sits back down on the chair, glancing over to the bedside drawer where a stack of children's books were neatly placed by the lamp. He hasn't noticed them until now.

"Jongin reads them to me sometimes." She speaks up. "Whenever he stays in, which is a lot lately, he sits right there where you're sitting and reads. A little weird, don't you think?" She asks.

Jongdae gives her a guarded look. "How so?"

"I should be the one doing the reading, not the other way around." Jongdae decides to bite his tongue on this. He doesn't remember his mom ever reading to him or Jongin, so yeah she _should_ have been the one doing the reading to them went they were kids, but it's no surprise to him that Jongin is staying in, when he could be out, reading storybooks to her. It's just something he does. It's something he'll always do. To anyone, at whatever age. Hell, he does so whenever Sehun or Tao or even Kyungsoo don't want to do the boring reading they have to do for class, just to answer some questions about the book their teacher is making them read. Yixing has said so. Jongdae took his word because it's believable. And so so true.

"Jongin likes to read." Jongdae comments instead. His mom sort of smiles at him for speaking up and not choosing to stay quiet.

"Yeah. I noticed. He took the books out from the library. I didn't even know he had a library card. I never once took him to go get one."

"That's because I did." Jongdae adds. He sort of avoids eye contact with her right then, fearing what her reaction may be. Or maybe he doesn't care what her reaction is. Still though, he sits still and avoids looking at her. "He needed some book for his history class, so I took him. He didn't want to leave actually."

"Well I'm glad you took him."

Ok. Jongdae has had enough now. "Bullshit! You never wanted me and Jongin to be around one another! Don't act like you're glad! Why the hell did you ask for me, _mother_." The way he says mother sounds venomous. A bit sarcastically too. It's sarcastic that he's calling her mother when she never really was a mother to him. "Why did you want me to come? Why aren't you just being straight up with me and telling me what you want!" She sits there quietly just watching him and before she could answer him, she goes through a small fit of coughs. Jongdae then gets reminded that she is not well, so he softens up a bit. He waits for her to finish coughing and when she does she laughs.

"Smokers cough. So attractive." She hits on her chest lightly then clears her throat so she can continue. "I know you're angry with me, kid. I know I have no right, but I just... I'm dying Jongdae." That really throws him off guard. Not the whole she's dying thing but the fact that she called him by his real name when she never really used it. He was always some clever interesting come up insult that was used _as_ his name. Never Jongdae. "Jongin told me about you and his dad and I was worried. I want to make things right with you. Before... You know... I kick the can."

Jongdae sneers a little. "Nobody says 'kick the can' anymore. Jeez." Jongdae laughs. "What are you? 50?" His mom doesn't laugh but smiles. He's not trying to ease the situation between them at all. In fact, it's the opposite. He just finds it funny that his mom, the one person who used to think of herself as the epitome of cool just said "kick the can" instead of something along the lines of "before everything goes to shitstorm". She also seems to have made herself sound 50 instead of her actual age of 33.

"What do people say nowadays then?"

"I don't know! And quite honestly I don't fucking care."

"Then why were you laughing at me a second ago?" She asks but Jongdae shrugs then sits up straight in his seat.

"It's just weird hearing you say that. Weren't you once the top ace around the neighborhood? Calling everyone a little bitch if they ever looked at you wrong or did anything to you. Calling your own son a worthless little shit and never knowing the meaning of being an actual mother, just top, I guess, bad ass bitch is what you used to say. The bad bitch that smoked and got high and got really fucked up while she had to watch her son but would lock him in the room and wouldn't let him out for whatever reason. Wasn't that you? Why are you making yourself seem older than what you really are? Is it because you're dying? Won't make it past 40 so you're making yourself seem that age-"

"That's enough!" She says loudly. Quickly gulping down the lump in her throat as Jongdae leans back on the chair and smirks. Crossing his arms across his chest.

"There's my mother!" He grins. "Where have you been?"

"I get that you're angry-"

"I was beginning to worry."

"And that I have no fucking say at all-"

"I hear that you're sick. Are you doing ok?"

"But Jongdae, I really am trying here."

"Why do I care anyway, right? After all you never gave a shit about me."

"That's not true." She says. Jongdae just sits on the chair, keeping his arms crossed. He doesn't care what she has to say now. She's probably lying and he won't believe her. "I thought about you a lot. Especially after I kicked you out. I wondered if you were ok or not. I thought about bringing you back. I really did. We were happy that short while when your dad disappeared on us for a bit. I wanted that. But I knew that no matter what I said or did you were going to fight for him to stay. That our lives were going to be better with him in it as well. But I couldn't stand being with him anymore. I had to do what I felt was right for all of us. So I kicked him out and I told you to go with him because you were genuinely happy living with him and you were never going to be happy living with me. I thought what I did was right but when Jongin said that he died and that he would hit you... I just had to see you. I had to see you and tell you that I'm so so sorry. Again. I know I have no right to, but you're _my_ kid. My beautiful baby boy who I neglected and hurt so much and only kept getting hurt by others who had no right to hurt him either. They may never make things right with you, but I want to, right now, this very moment. I want to apologize. You didn't deserve any of the crap I gave to you. None of it. And if I'm coming off as some 50 year old woman it's because I want you to now see me as a mature woman and not the woman who hurt you. Let me be your mother for this short time I have. Both to you and Jongin. That's all I want. Please grant me that wish, Jongdae. That's all I want from you. To allow me to treat you the way you should have been treated all those years ago."

Jongdae stays quiet for a long time watching his mother's expression. Then he snorts. Then he laughs and the laughter grows more and more, causing him to laugh out loud now, leaning forward as he clutches his stomach and smacks his palm right on top of his thigh. This is comedy gold. He thinks. This. This is some sick twisted joke his mother is trying to pull on him. And it just makes him laugh out loud. He then thinks about the glass full thing and really now it just makes him laugh even more. He can't stop laughing, tears forming in his eyes as his mom tries to speak up over his laughter, but the laughter just grows and grows and he can't make himself stop. Eventually he tries to breath and the more he tries to get air in his lungs, the more his laughter begins to die down.

"I'm serious."

"Please don't. I just stopped. I don't want to laugh again." Jongdae says as he wipes a tear, or tears is more accurate, from his eyes. "You should have thought about doing stand up. You're fucking good at it."

"You think this is a joke to you?"

"Yes! This is a joke to me. You had years, fucking years, to try and be a mom to me and Jongin, and maybe you were, to him, but to me that parental figure never existed. A stranger who I never met before immediately became a parental figure to me in a short amount of time, excuse me for not wanting you or giving you that chance at all. So I find it funny that now that you're dying, you want that fucking role badly."

"Jongdae. I-"

"No wait. But you're right. You should get that chance, but how can I trust that you'll take it seriously when you're planning to just give up just like that. I think that you shouldn't even try if you have that fucking mindset going on."

She sighs. Then the room is quiet once again. This time Jongdae has every intention to use the moment to yell at her. To yell at her about everything she has done. About everything that she has caused. He just wants to yell and yell and yell until his voice becomes hoarse and he can't yell anymore. And even then he'll find a way to yell some more.

"It's hard, Jongdae. Of course I'm going to choose to quit. We don't have money to pay for any of the bills. For the medications. For anything. So yeah. I'm quitting. What's the point if I'm going to end up dying anyway. And until that day, I want to spend my time just us three. That's all I'm asking. You don't even have to be happy. You can be angry rebellious teenage son. I wouldn't mind."

Jongdae is shaking his head throughout her little explanation. She's wrong. Everything is wrong. "YOU'RE FUCKING HURTING JONGIN BY CHOOSING ON GIVING UP ON YOURSELF!" He yells out. And there it is. The truth is out and Jongdae can't take it back at all. Yeah he said Jongin's name but you have to be dumb enough not to realize that Jongdae was really talking about himself. A little side of him is hoping and wishing that his mom didn't pick up on it but the way she's smiling and looking at him is saying that she did. He can't even come up with anything clever to not turn it on him. For the first time, he's stuck.

"Hurting Jongin, or hurting you?" She asks, stretching her arm out to reach for Jongdae's hand and place hers on top of his. He freezes as he watches her hand over his. It's smaller than his. Her fingers long and slender, almost bony and cold and much much lighter colored than him. She's not even pale. That doesn't even begin to explain what color she is. She's a sickly yellow. A pale sickly yellow. It contrasts against his skin and he doesn't like how it looks at all.

"Even now I'm still hurting you." She says as she hooks her fingers in between Jongdae's fingers to lift his hand up and place it over her lap. She's holding his hand then also covers it with her other as she begins to cry. Jongdae just watches as he doesn't know what to do. Never in a million years did he ever think or even imagined his mom touching him. Ever. It's something he couldn't even dream of it happening. Her hand is cold but oddly it feels warm under and over his own hand. It's a different warmth too. It's not like Jongin's warmth or even like Yixing's or even Luhan's, remembering the way Luhan held him in the backseat of Kris' car. Her warmth is different and it makes Jongdae want to cry. He's pushing it down of course, but the kid inside him wants to cry that for once she's not pulling away from him or pushing him away. For once _she's_ the one doing the hand holding. The fact that she's also crying makes Jongdae want to cry too. He never wanted to make her cry. He wanted to upset her and anger her but never cry.

"I've been nothing but a shitty parent to you, kid. I wish I could take it all back. Every word I said to you. Every push. Every action that fucking hurt you. Everything. I regret it all. Everything I did to you, I regret it and I'm so so sorry. I don't expect you to ever forgive me. But I do want to spend the rest of my time with you and get to you know you." She looks up at Jongdae as she sniffs, wanting to make eye contact with him to show that she's really being sincere but to her surprise Jongdae has his head down, his forehead pressing down onto the mattress as he listens to her intently. She could hear him mumbling out something but can't make out what he's saying. Whatever it is though, he hasn't pulled his hand away from her so he's probably contemplating on forgiving her or not. She still continues though . Wiping her nose with her hand as she sniffs, hesitantly hovering her hand above his head, not knowing if she should do it or not, and when she decides to, she lowers it and starts running her fingers through his hair. "I'm so sorry, my little Chen Chen." That stiffens him. Growing so quiet so he can hear what else she has to say. "You grew up so much. So handsome and beautiful. Just like your mother and father, covered in tattoos. So open minded and strong and rebellious." Jongdae finally looks up at her, smiling at him as his eyes are red from trying to hold his tears in for so long, refusing on even letting a single one fall. She slowly reaches her hand out to wipe his eyes as tears start to gather at the rim.

Jongdae speaks up as he glares at her. "What father?" He asks. It's a stupid question. One he knows the answer to because mainly the man he sort of considered his father may be it but also because she mentioned tattoos and Jongin's father does not have any tattoos whatsoever. The only tattooed father she could be talking about is his real father. So yeah. He knows the answer to his ridiculous question. He just wants to make sure who she's referring to. His mother gulps and he noticed it so Jongdae pulls his hand away from her and asks again. "Which. Father?"

"Your real one."

"Tell me about him." His tone is angry. And he doesn't care. After so many years she never mentioned him to Jongdae. Never wanted to and honestly Jongdae never cared about the man, but why the hell would she bring him up, or mention about him, especially now when all life long, Jongdae always thought that his father was a real live nightmare to his mother, especially after what he did to her. "TELL ME ABOUT HIM!" He says louder.

"He was so handsome." She quickly speaks up. "You look just like him. Especially with the tattoos. Every time I look at you I get reminded of him. The way your lips curl, the dark marks on your skin contrasting with your skin tone, the way your eyes crinkle when you laugh or smile, the troublemaker side of you, you're a lot like him. A lot. I loved him a lot." Jongdae is so confused. He's not getting a good feeling about this at all. "Your dad though, he was a good man, but he chose someone else. Someone who wasn't you or me. Someone who was younger and more stupid than me. And when he chose her it hurt so much, that whenever I saw you... Well you know the rest."

Jongdae quickly moves away and covers his mouth. He's going crazy. He's shaking his head at her, repeating the word no over and over again. Everything is wrong. Everything he _thought_ he knew is wrong. His dad... "All this fucking time he was actually a good guy?!" He yells out. His mom is crying again and is nodding. _No._ No no no no _no_. "All this fucking time I actually had a decent fucking parent in my life but never knew about it because you were angry that he chose someone else that wasn't you?!" She nods again and Jongdae stands up from his chair, his hands going to his hair just to have something to grab. He's so livid right now, he... "how the fuck do you want me to pretend to be happy living with you when all this fucking time you lied to me!"

"Believe me I-"

"No I'm not going to believe you!" Jongdae yells out, stepping forward to his mom just to get close to her face. "You're telling me that all this fucking time he never even fucking touched you?! He never raped you or hurt you or anything? You just fucking made it up because you were angry with him leaving you?!" His mom should be afraid. The way he's standing by her bed and leaning forward to yell at her face, she should be asking him to back away, but she's not. She just cries and nods to answer his questions and every fucking nod she gives to him angers Jongdae more and more. He's actually surprised that Jongin hasn't barged into the room to stop him. He also knows that he should back away, maybe even run out as he no longer has to be there anymore now that he knows the truth but he wants to hear everything. He's here now. He should know about everything.

The thing about Jongdae and getting furiously angry though is that he cries. He cries so much, he sobs. He curls himself up into a ball and cries. He never expects anyone to touch him or hold him, he's so used to never having anyone there when he cries it's a surprise to him that his mom is standing right beside him, a hand on his back rubbing circles, her head leaning down to rest against his arm. But the biggest surprise to him is that she actually got out of bed to stand beside him. He thought that she couldn't get out of bed at all because she's too weak, but here she is, standing beside him and trying to comfort him.

"What are you doing out of bed?" He asks. He turns to look at her. He actually looks _down_ at her. She's maybe two inches shorter than him, and he's looking down at her. He always thought that she's taller than him for some strange reason. Jongin is taller than him so he always thought that Jongin's height came from their mom. Or maybe it's the first time she's actually not wearing heels around him, it's a surprise to him that she's actually a bit shorter. She's placing both hands against his cheeks and looks into his eyes. Her eyes are a different color than his. Her eyes are lighter while his are dark. He does though, have her long eyelashes and maybe her nose and when he looks into her eyes as well, from the corner he could see that she does have tattoos just like him. Not a lot and they're not big pieces but she has them and they're kind of hard to make out. The dark ink on her wrists fading away. His anger is fading away. His sadness is fading away. Only concern is growing deep inside as she's standing in front of him. "You shouldn't be out of bed."

"Please don't be like Jongin, and just let me hold you." She whispers. Jongdae could feel her thumbs wiping across his cheekbones, the same way Yixing used to do. The same way Saint Zhang used to do, and getting reminded of that, Jongdae decides to finally break down that dam and let's everything flow out. He closes his eyes and sobs, placing both hands over his mom's and presses them some more onto his face just to feel that her hands are actually there and won't leave until he moves his hands away from hers. He won't open his eyes but he does lean his head more into the touch, feeling the once cold hands warm up his cheeks. She's crying too so when Jongdae looks he takes his hands away from hers and very slowly and very gently, he hopes, places his fingers on her face and wipes the tears away. He wipes the loose hair away from her face too, then very softly traces his index finger down her nose, letting it stop at her top lip, then frames her face with his hands. He just confirmed that he very much so has his mother's nose. She wipes his tears as well but surprises Jongdae once again by pulling him into a hug, her hand cradling the back of his head. It takes a second for Jongdae to realize what she's doing and when it sets in, he wraps his arms tightly around her and holds her tight as his face buries into her shoulder and just cries out loud. The very little kid in him crying, finally having his mother hold him for the very first time, making sure that every sadness and pain goes away from her precious baby boy.

-

Jongdae denies his mom's request of him sitting down or even laying down beside her for the umpteenth time because she needs all the room she can get or he'll squish her or whatever excuse he said not to sit or lay beside her. The truth is that he does want to, but he thinks that if he sits next to her on the bed or even lays beside her, she won't get proper rest so he rather sit on the chair by the bed and hold her hand. But her insisting once again has Jongdae giving in and removing his shoes off before he climbs onto bed and lay beside her.

"Told you the bed is big enough for the two of us. If Jongin was here he'll fit on here as well."

"I guess so." Jongdae mumbles, making himself more comfortable as he wraps his arm around his mom and buries his head somewhat against her and on top of her upper arm. He feels a kiss on top of his head then quickly moves it away and makes a disgusted face at her, quickly apologizing to him for kissing him but Jongdae explains why he doesn't want her kissing his head at the moment. In fact it makes him self conscious and tries to get off the bed altogether, but his mom won't let him.

"But I haven't had a proper shower in days. I'm pretty sure I stink, especially with blood on me." With that being said his mom asks questions which leads to Jongdae telling her every thing about the debt, about the money, about the fight, what he did to _get_ that money, which leads to her breaking down, and Jongdae comforting her then quickly grabbing the waste basket as she's starting to feel sick but mostly sick at herself that the mistakes _she_ did made her son do the things that he did. Then Jongdae decides to tell her everything. The men chasing him down and for once actually catching him and hurting him, the whole Veronica thing and how he was into the idea of fucking her and that he didn't care about her drugging him he just wanted to be with her because he sort of thought that she was the one, the nights him and Jongin spent sleeping on the streets including the nights he slept alone while Jongin slept over with his friends including the nights he slept with some random strange girls just to have a bed for the night, his older friends and the drugs and the arresting, he tells her everything and she has to stop Jongdae for a bit because she no longer can't stand the bile rising up in her throat and feels the need to get some air or shower.

Jongdae is not telling her to make her realize just what a bad mom she was. He's telling her because he feels it's the right thing to do. It doesn't seem fair to him to go on and on on what a bad mom she was to him when Jongdae has done shitty things himself. Things he himself decided to do all on his own. Things he thought would hurt her. If she's been a shitty mom he's definitely been a shittier son. After a bit she urges him to continue, telling her everything. Every decision, every pain, every hit both drug wise and physical. _Everything._ The only thing he leaves out is Yixing.

_Yixing._

Yixing's every touch, every kiss, every hug, every gasp he let out because of Yixing. He leaves it out. Every moment he spent with him and Saint Zhang, he buries it. He tells her of the good times too. The new friends he's made, the funny and serious moments he's spend with them, he tells her, but Yixing and Saint Zhang are deep within. He feels that if he talks about Saint Zhang she'll probably take it as him mocking her. And the reason he avoids talking about Yixing altogether is because he's not ready to talk about him at all. He should, but right now, he rather not, not right now, not to her. She'll ask questions. Questions Jongdae is not ready to answer so he grows quiet about them. And when he's done and they're both somewhat done crying, it's her turn to explain everything. To tell him the truth. And Jongdae listens to every little detail intently only for the conclusion to be that his real dad did do things to his mom, things she didn't want, things that resulted on Jongdae being born and his dad leaving both him and his mom alone and when he tried to come back, they killed him. His father dying at a really young age because the girl that he decided to be with, when he tried to leave her because he wanted to be a father to his son, she killed him. And it hits Jongdae then and there that if he still tried to stay with Veronica he'll be in the very same place his father is at at the moment. Dead and buried. He curls into his mom some more, his mom holding him tight against her side, and despite what Jongdae said, she doesn't care, she'll kiss the top of his head because she's lucky to have her son beside her alive and well and an amazing man, better than Jongin's and his real dad combined.

-

Jongin decides it's safe to come in when he basically hears nothing coming from the room. He stopped listening to screaming and crying a long time ago and when he hears nothing, thinking they probably fell asleep, he decides to walk in to check on them only to find his hyung curled onto his mother's side and clinging onto her tightly as she runs her fingers through his hair while her other hand rests on top of Jongdae's arm, once in a while tapping her hand against it. Jongdae looks like he's starting to fall asleep, and looks very small and child like, it makes Jongin smile.

He heard everything from the kitchen. Sitting down by the kitchen table and pressing his hand hard against his mouth to keep from sobbing out or wiping the tears away from his eyes hard to show signs that he wasn't crying at all. Hearing everything his hyung went through, hearing the truth from his mom, he's so so glad that both his mom and hyung can find peace now. Now they can be together. Just the three of them. Happy and peaceful and together as a family.

"You're just going to stand there or you're going to join us, kid?" Jongin smiles wide, his hyung sticking his head up to look over at him and smile at him, jerking his head for Jongin to join in as well. He quickly walks over to the bed and makes himself comfortable on his mother's other side, that isn't being clung by Jongdae, and curls himself close to his mom as he closes his eyes and takes in a deep breath. He feels a kiss on top of his head then opens his eyes to watch his mom press another kiss on top of Jongdae's head as well. He smiles as his hyung just sleeps, looking so peaceful for the first time ever. And with his hyung's image permanently etching into his mind, his mom holding both of her boys in her arms, playing with their hair, Jongin finds himself falling peacefully asleep as well.

-

When Jongin wakes up the next morning, it takes a lot for him to startle awake, this time it takes feeling his mom beside him sleeping but not feeling his hyung there at all, to fully wake himself up. He automatically thinks of the worst. His hyung is not there because he left in the middle of both him and his mom sleeping. Jongdae could very well be showering or even cooking but he doesn't hear the shower running or any noises coming from the kitchen. He looks over at his mom before he bolts out of the room, a smile on her face, and kisses the top of her head.

He quickly runs out, almost crashing into the wall close to the kitchen when he hears voices, one of them being his hyung's. When he steps close to the kitchen he sees his hyung standing shirtless in the middle of the tiny room and their _grandmother_? standing in front of him and smacking him on the arm. It's not a hard slap. It's lighthearted and playful and his hyung is _laughing_?

_"I watched over you from when you were a baby to a tiny baby boy and I never would have imagined you marking your skin like that. Time sure does fly."_

Jongdae laughs then slips on his shirt, Jongin noticing a type of scar on his hyung's back, close to his shoulder. _"You're still my mama."_ Jongdae says with a smile, making grandma smile back and place a hand affectionately on his cheek. To Jongin grandma is grandma, but to Jongdae grandma is mama and he tends to forget that sometimes since Jongdae was under her care for a while, while Jongin wasn't. It's odd how things turned out for the both of them. She moves further in the kitchen to grab a bowl from one of the cabinets, looking up as Jongin finally makes himself known.

"Baby, you're awake. Good morning. How'd you sleep?" She asks, stepping forward to pull Jongin into a hug and press a kiss onto his cheek. Jongin looks over at his hyung and smiles as he looks nice and clean now, now that he showered. He's glad that his hyung didn't run away.

"I slept ok. When did you get here grandma?" Jongin asks as he sits on top of the counter beside Jongdae, who is leaning against the counter biting into some fruit grandma no doubt brought. He reaches over for some mystery fruit to eat as well, satisfied with a plum, taking a big bite out of it that makes Jongdae laugh as the juice starts falling down his chin. He smacks his hyung for a napkin but Jongdae just laughs and shakes his head, telling him he's screwed because they ran out of them this morning when grandma arrived and noticed that Jongdae was the one who opened the door for her. "You two talked?"

"Yup. Now grandma is set on staying for a long long time." Jongdae answers as their grandmother nods and hands Jongin a rag so he can clean himself off. Jongin likes the sound of that a lot. The idea of his whole family under one roof, is a dream come true for him.

-

Jongdae figures it out when he sees his mom walking around the house normally, that she's technically not that sick and fragile like he supposed she was. She can walk, clean, cook, scold, exercise, anything really. She just can't smoke, push her limits and must be hooked on an oxygen tank whenever she can. Or whenever she's exposed to "bad" air. Since the air in the house is not that clean she needs to be hooked on it to help her breathe, needs to be hooked on it when she's sleeping, and it would help if she was hooked on it if she goes outside. All things his mom hates.

Since she smoked since she was a teen she's somewhat addicted to smoking, but it's what caused her to fall sick in the first place. She doesn't like being hooked on it inside the house because she feels she's being limited. She can't cook or clean right if the oxygen tank is always in the way. And when it comes to going outside, she doesn't want to be seen hauling the tank around everywhere she goes. In a way she's being childish about the tank thing, but Jongdae thinks it's because, just like him, she never really had a normal childhood. She was forced to grow up pretty quickly. So Jongdae let's her have her childish tantrums.

They had a nice breakfast together. The first time as a whole family. And also the longest breakfast in Jongdae's whole life, taking perhaps two bites at a time then falling into a long talk about a memory he honestly doesn't really remember having at all. It was nice though because there were a lot of laughs, his mom scolding everyone that she can't laugh or it will hurt, and a lot of talk of how Jongdae and Jongin were like as kids and how they were inseparable, even now. They also talked about his tattoos and piercings and agreed with grandma that he'll remove his lip piercing because she doesn't like how it looks and it "distracts from the beauty that is his mouth". She was always a fan of the way his mouth curled at the end and the piercing was a bad idea. His earrings have to stay since it's too late now since they are stretched and the tattoos, she just wishes that he could've waited until after high school to get them. Fearing that Jongdae won't get a good job with having them. Still, Jongdae just smiles at her and she gives in quickly, leaning forward to pinch his cheek or kiss him.

After brunch, since they got started on breakfast really late and it was now noon, Jongin tried to get everyone to go take a nice walk together. He thinks with his hyung's help, they can convince their mom to go and since she wants to make up for lost time with the two of them, she agrees. Jongdae thinks it's a perfect time to talk to her privately about some things but he honestly doesn't know where to begin. The number one thing though is Yixing. He mentioned that he slept around with guys, and her reaction was, well her getting sick, but he honestly feels that he should come out to her the right way. As in mention that he had a relationship with him and slept with him. He's afraid of how she'll react. But he made it this far. He can tell her everything.

After Jongin and Jongdae ran around the playground meant for little 7 year old kids, and Jongdae was now pushing Jongin on the swing to get a good start so they can see who can jump the farthest, he quietly asked him if he can take grandma somewhere else while he talked to mom about Yixing. Jongin stopped dead in his tracks, planting his feet firmly on the ground to keep from swinging.

"What are you going to tell her? Are you going to ask for advice?"

"Advice?"

"Yeah. You know, on how to take someone back." Jongdae just stares at his brother then shakes his head no, Jongin immediately stands in front of him to place his hands on his shoulder and shake him as he whines. "Why not, hyung? You were genuinely happy with him and I know you miss him a lot!"

"I uhh. I'm just going to tell her that I was with him. I'll see later on about asking her for advice." Jongin doesn't like it but agrees to the plan anyway, quickly running over to beg grandma to buy them ice cream from the ice cream truck that so happens to be located at the other side of the park. She agrees to go while Jongdae stays behind to stay with mom.

"Can I ask you something?" She asks him, Jongdae takes her hand and helps her up from the bench so he can take her to sit under some shade, they walk slow, giving her a nod to go ahead and ask, hooking his arm with hers as he carries the small tank over. "You mentioned 6 tattoos but you only showed 5. Where's the other?" When they reach the shaded bench and they both sit down, Jongdae blushes a little.

"That's actually why I wanted to talk to you, but I'm kind of afraid of how you'll react." He feels her hand over his, looking up to meet her gaze and find her smiling at him.

"You know you can tell me anything."

"I know. It's just... I don't know where to begin."

"If it's about the tattoo sort of, start with that." Jongdae nods at that. _Ok. That makes sense._

"Well the last tattoo is actually on my hip bone and it's small and it's a long thin heart with a 7 and a lower case 'Y' beside it." 

"Interesting." She nods, trying to picture the tattoo in her head. "Kind of like math?" She asks, meaning that in math you'll find things like a 7 and a lower case letter beside it. Jongdae nods but then shakes his head. 

"It's not to represent how I feel about math though, but about someone." 

"A girl?" She asks, Jongdae sucks in a breath then slowly shakes his head no. "A boy?" He nods, then closes his eyes tight so he won't see her reaction. She doesn't say anything except for the word oh so Jongdae opens his eyes to get a good luck at her. 

"Oh? You said oh?" 

"Yeah. Should I have not said oh?" She asks but Jongdae quickly shakes his head hoping that she won't change her answer. 

"No. It's just... I'm glad you said no. I thought you were going to flip." 

"Well..." She begins, looking down at their hands then wraps her hand around his to give it a squeeze. "You sort of prepared me last night when you said that you... Well, did what you did with both guys and girls." She can't bring herself to admit what Jongdae has done, and he finds that he doesn't mind. He thinks he will never come to terms with what he did also. 

"Oh. Right. Well I thought I should tell you that he was in my-" 

"Was?" Jongdae grows quiet, realizing what he said then nods to answer her question. "What happened?" And just like last night, Jongdae tells her everything. Every little thing about him and Yixing and about Yixing himself, he tells her. He even tells her about Saint Zhang and how he kind of stayed to live with her for a whole week. He notices an indescribable glint in her eye, but when she starts to cry again, Jongdae thinks that she's probably feeling grateful that Saint Zhang took him in when she had no idea that Jongdae was alone at the time. He tells her about what Luhan and Veronica did to the both of them, and decides that if she was a few years younger, she'll definitely go after Veronica and kick her ass. She understands why Luhan did what he did but admits that if Jongdae is still angry about it, then so will she but Jongdae admits that he's no longer angry at him either, he'll do the same if it was Jongin. 

"I just hate his pretty little face sometimes, even if he is a decent guy." Jongdae confesses, making his mom laugh a little. She squeezes his hand once again, using her free one to pat on his knuckles as she takes the time to figure out what to say. Only it's something, that once again, he's not expecting. 

"It sounds like you love him, kid." 

"Luhan?" 

"No, babe. Yixing. You really love him, don't you?" 

Jongdae could feel his cheeks grow hotter than the sun. He can't even blame it on the sun itself when they're sitting under some shade. He doesn't know what to say or even react. He just... Stutters. "I-I-I" 

"You haven't told him, have you?" There's no use denying it so he answers with the truth. He nods as he looks down, looking almost a bit ashamed of himself. She cups his cheek and tilts his head up to get him to look at her. "Why not?" 

"I'm afraid of saying it to him. Afraid of what will happen if I do." 

"And what do you think will happen if you do?" Jongdae shrugs, so she smiles. "Exactly. You don't know, kid. For all you know, every fucking good thing would happen. The skies will open up and rainbows all across the world will spread far and wide. Unicorns will shit even more rainbows out of their asses." Jongdae chuckles at the image but he still chooses to beat himself up. 

"I'm... Honestly so afraid that he'll finally open his eyes and realize that I'm shit to him. That he deserves someone a million times better that isn't me." 

She smiles at him. "Baby, he has and that better someone is you. You and _only_ you." She says, putting her hand on his hair as she starts to play with it. Jongdae pouts, and with her free hand, runs her finger down his chin to get him to look up at her. "You said it yourself that even after you told him everything, he decided to stick by your side. That after _every_ thing you told him that you did or happened to you, he still looked you in the eye and said I love you. He means it. You know he meant it. And honestly that to me shows that there won't be another but you. Love is scary, but you should never be afraid of how you feel. If you feel it and you know it, tell him. Nothing, and I really mean nothing, good will ever come out of keeping those feelings inside. Trust me, kid. Tell him how you feel or you _will_ lose him. 

Jongdae stays quiet as he stares down at their hands, then decides to link his fingers with hers and give her hand a squeeze as what he's about to tell her, she may take it wrong. "There's also a little part of me, and he kind of said something about it also, that the reason why I couldn't say it is because..." He stops then let's out a sigh, his hand automatically moving away from hers to scratch his head. 

"You can tell me." 

"I-" He tightens his lips into a thin line then tries again. "I couldn't say it because there was a big chance that because you never told me those exact words, I couldn't tell it to others." His mom gives him a look that read as understanding and it further confirms as she begins to nod. 

"I should have told you sooner." 

"No. I-" he stops then scoots closer to his mom as he's about to whisper to her. Something he can't find himself saying out loud. "I don't think I could ever be with him ever again if I'm..." 

"If you're what, babe?" 

Jongdae then begins to cry, his mom immediately pulls him to her and hugs him, rubbing soothing circles down his back, whispering that everything will be ok. "No. Not if I'm STD positive." He finally says. He could feel his mom stiffen around him, but she doesn't pull away from him, even hugs him even tighter as Jongdae cries some more against her. 

"Oh, baby. Do not worry. We can get you tested to see if you are or not. In the meantime, let's just fucking hope that you're not. I know deep down that you're not. Don't worry or think too much about it. Everything would turn out great." Jongdae just stays quiet as she rambles on and on, on how everything would be fine. He knows she means well, but Jongdae, he doesn't know. That's how he feels right now. He just doesn't know. 

"I love you, kid. I seriously hope you know that. I'm with you though thick and thin." Jongdae nods against her, his hug getting tighter than before as he lets that sink in, deep within. He starts to cry some more as he can finally say what he's been wanting to say for a real long time. 

"I always loved you, mom. No matter what. I always had and always will." 

"Jesus Christ, kid. I fucking don't deserve you." She mumbles as she buries her face against him and cries, trying to get Jongdae closer to her to hold him so so tight, that he feels her love deep within his bones and cells and molecules. "I'll _always_ love you too. Now you can tell Yixing how you feel, after you get tested of course." Jongdae laughs out loud at that, pulling away from his mom to look at her and kiss her forehead, knowing very well that she definitely means the part of her always loving him, and the part about Yixing was just to lighten the mood between them. He hugs her once again but his mom turns it around by holding him and pressing a kiss onto his head. Telling him once again that everything will be ok. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Your messages really meant a lot to me so I updated to thank you for the lovely messages (I seriously hope that doesn't come out wrong. I'm not sure when I'll update again so I hope you guys don't think that I'll only update if I get something out of you guys. And now I'm hoping that doesn't come out wrong. I'm so sorry.) Also I'm going crazy not being able to update. I love you all. Seriously. I wish there was a way for me to thank you all individually. It really meant and means a lot. I want to cry. I'm gonna go cry.
> 
> Thank you so so much for everything. For the kudos and the hits and upvoting and everything in between. I seriously don't know how to prove that they mean the world to me. Thank you so so much for even reading or glancing at it. I hope I'm doing justice. Send me questions or whatever on ask.fm if you have any questions about the story. I'll gladly answer them **[here!](http://ask.fm/piratenat)** ^^ Have a wonderful day and week!
> 
> Stay With me is now on AFF! If you're interested on reading there, you can do so **[here!](http://www.asianfanfics.com/story/view/1110551/stay-with-me-chenlay-xingdae-highschoolau-laychen-kimjongbros-minorcharacterdea-punkau)**
> 
>  
> 
> *If you're interested in messaging me on tumblr in case I don't reply to you soon, since there's a zero chance right now that I'm able to check ask.fm, or just want to check it out, you can do so [here](http://sjabe.tumblr.com/)! Its a bad edits side blog so I can't follow back, but if you want me to, I'll follow back from my main. ^^ Have a great day!*


	18. Chapter 18

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I completely forgot to add it in the notes for the previous chapter but in case people were wondering about Jongdae's mom's situation. The reason she still has hair is because she hasn't gone through chemo. The reason why I didn't really wrote her having coughing fits or not being able to breathe right, not because she's hooked to an oxygen tank, but because Jongdae even though he knows she has terminal cancer, kind of sees her or thinks of her as her having the flu. When she gets up from the bed that's when he thinks of her as having cancer and shouldn't get up because she's weak. Anyway, I'm sorry if this took so long to get out, had guests come over then my dad came over for the weekend so yeah. I hope you guys had a good fourth of July or just an amazing week and weekend in case you don't celebrate. Happy reading! Oh and I finally got a new phone so I may start updating weekly again. Yay! OK too long now. Sorry. Bye!

When the Kim family get back from the park, both Jongin and Jongdae are surprised at the person waiting outside their doorstep. Maybe Jongdae is a bit more surprised than Jongin, especially when the said person is looking right at him and asking if they can talk. Jongdae doesn’t give an answer right away, just turns around to look at both his grandmother and mom and answers them instead, that he’ll stay outside and talk for a bit.

“Ok. We’ll be inside if you need anything.” His grandma says, as her, Jongin, and their mom walk past Luhan, give him a small polite hello then walk inside. Luhan offers them a smile and a small head nod as they walk by him then waits for Jongdae to either start beating him up or begin yelling at him to leave. Jongdae though has no idea why Luhan is even there so he doesn’t want to start yelling, or he’ll scare everyone inside the house, when Luhan seems to be wanting to keep peace between them at the moment. So he steps forward and sits on the small step outside the door, patting the spot beside him so Luhan can sit as well.

“That your mom?” Luhan asks, after maybe long minutes of silence between them. Jongdae just nods then throws a small leaf he ripped off from the bush beside him, in front of him, noticing that Luhan is doing the same.

“I caught you staring at her. No way in hell I’ll ever call you daddy.” Jongdae says, throwing another leaf in front of him. Luhan is surprised for a second but then laughs.

“I was just… I never expected your mom to look like that. She’s really young… and beautiful. You sort of look like her.”

Jongdae snorts then proceeds to throw another leaf in front of him. “You think I’m beautiful? That’s a fucking first.” It takes Luhan off guard for a second then laughs again as he figured out what exactly he said for Jongdae to say that.

“I meant that you-”

“I know what you meant. I just like fucking with you.” Jongdae smirks as he makes Luhan let out some sort of air from his nose, making it pass as some sort of laugh. “She had me when she was young, so yeah she’s young looking. She also said that I look more like my dad than her, so I don’t really believe you.”

Luhan “laughs” again, throwing another leaf ball in front of him. “Your grandmother is young too.”

“I also won’t be calling you grand pappy either.” Jongdae adds as Luhan just accepts defeat and nods amusingly. They stay quiet for a bit once again, as it’s expected, things between them are awkward and since Jongdae hates awkward moments, he thinks that things could be worse so it’s not so bad. They do continue on ripping leaves off of the bush, rolling them into a ball in between their fingers then throwing them in front of themselves, seeing which leaf went the farthest. So far it’s a tie. Jongdae is determined to win though so he rips another leaf off and rolls it as small as he can to make it into a hard ball then throw it as far as he can.

“So how you’ve been?” That throws Jongdae off, turning to look at Luhan who keeps looking forward but seems to be smiling. Jongdae just threw the little ball but didn’t get far with Luhan’s out of nowhere question throwing him off. “And I really am asking.” He adds, knowing Jongdae would ask if he was being sincere or not.

“I just saw you yesterday. What do you mean ‘how am I doing?’”

“A lot can happen from last night to now.” Luhan says, throwing a leaf ball as hard as he could throw it, sending it flying over the fence. “I want to know. And I win.” He whispers the last part, a grin spreading across his face.

“Cheater.” Jongdae mumbles, ripping a bunch of leaves off and throwing them all at Luhan, his celebratory win. “Not to be rude, but why do you care?”

Luhan doesn’t answer right away. He stays quiet, that at this point, Jongdae doesn’t expect him to answer. He just continues throwing leaves in front of himself then some at Luhan, who doesn’t seem to mind. It surprises Jongdae when Luhan finally does speak up though, putting all of his attention on him. “I thought a lot about what you and Jongin have gone through. You especially. And I never really apologized to you. Properly, I mean.” He turns to look at Jongdae, who also happens to be looking at Luhan as well. “You don’t have to accept my apology at all, I know it’s a bit weird that I even showed up at your place just to say sorry, but I want you to know that I didn’t really mean to hurt you or Jongin. Especially Jongin, I guess, when I know him more than you, but with you, I feel or felt like shit when I hurt you. And I didn’t realize that hurting you meant hurting Yixing as well. So I’m really sorry, Jongdae. None of you deserved what I did. Whatsoever. I sincerely apologize.”

Jongdae holds his gaze, not saying anything for a real long time, and Luhan understands. What can Jongdae do or say when he’s probably still upset over what happened. He doesn’t have to say anything at all or do anything, he just hopes that Jongdae sees that he means it. Because he does. Things won’t be right again until he apologizes and at least accepts Jongdae into his life. They don’t have to be the best of friends, but he should at least acknowledge Jongdae.

Jongdae groans, then throws a leaf at Luhan. “I’ll feel like shit if I don’t accept your apology, so I accept your apology.”

Luhan brightens up at that. “Really? You mean it?” He sounds like a child but he doesn’t care. He was actually expecting Jongdae to never accept his apology and actually beat him up and yell at him to never come back. So this is a freaking surprise.

“Yeah. I just hate your pretty little face. You’re not a bad guy. What you did, I think I would’ve done the same. Maybe 10 times worse. Plus it’s over now. We should just forget about it. And honestly…” Jongdae trails off. It’s a little hard admitting this to Luhan when the said person is Luhan himself and they’re not really buddy buddies but if he wants to change that, Jongdae thinks he should just “man” up and say it. “Ok. I’ll just say it. If it wasn’t for you, I’ll probably be on the same pathway as my real dad and well, let’s just say he’s no longer in the picture.”

Luhan is a bit confused on that. “What do you mean?”

Jongdae groans again then sighs. He drops his head down, looking at the ground between his legs then looks up to look at Luhan. He doesn't want to repeat it again so he's making sure that his gaze never falters. Especially looking into Luhan’s eyes. “If you and Veronica didn’t exchange information, I guess that’s what you two did, I’ll probably still be running after her and she’ll be drugging me and doing who knows what on me and I’ll probably end up dead. So, in a way, you kind of saved my life and if I don’t accept your apology, I’ll feel like shit. So I accept and thank you for saving my life.”

Luhan is still confused. “What?” He laughs as Jongdae groans again and just decides to throw more leaves at him. “I mean I get what you’re saying but I don’t understand your whole dad thing.”

Jongdae blinks. “My dad, my real dad, not Jongin’s dad." He says with a head shake. "He died because the girl he was with was just like Veronica.”

 _Oh._ Now Luhan understands. “What happened to him?”

“He left my mom to be with someone else who is or was just like Veronica. She would drug him or use drugs to get him to stay with her. When he found out about me and tried to leave her, she didn’t like it. She didn’t like that he chose me and my mom and chose to try and live a sober life, so she drugged him. And kept drugging him, and drugging him, and he died. From an overdose. It took me a second to realize that the very same thing could’ve happened to me, if it weren’t for you.” Jongdae looks at Luhan, for an answer, but he seems a bit bewildered. He laughs then throws a leaf at him to get him to change his expression.

“That’s the kind of person she is?” Luhan asks. It almost sounds like a yell, but Jongdae knows that he’s just surprised.

“Yup. Well not really. She was cool. She was… Well I wouldn’t say innocent but she was different. Till this day I still don’t understand how she ended up being friends with my friends but I guess when things at home are bad, it does shit to you. Parents don’t realize it because they’re too hung up with their own problems they don’t realize that one little thing affects their kids, and she had a lot of problems at home, so she changed.”

“Weren’t you dating her?” Luhan asks. Jongdae wants to ask how the hell does he know, but at this point, everyone knows every little thing about him now, so he continues.

“I wasn’t at first. I was just interested in wanting to fuck her to be honest, and I know it makes me shitty as fuck, but all my friends saw her as just a lay and for some strange ass reason that I will never understand, she was interested in me, so I kind of just started seeing her as a girlfriend so she won’t be alone when things got bad at her home and also so my other friends won’t see her as nothing but a good fuck. And for a while I started to see her as the one I’ll end up with, but she was more interested in drugs and getting really jacked up and partying and using my money sometimes, I saw no way out. She would make comments that I thought she would actually do if I were to leave her so I never really tried. That’s why I never told her about me and Yixing. She either would’ve done something to herself or something to me or even do something to him. And I can’t have her doing anything to him or herself at all. I wouldn’t live with myself if something _did_ happen.”

“Wow.” Luhan comments. Jongdae just nods as he agrees. Everything is just… wow. What can anyone say or even do after everything Jongdae just told him? Now he just accepts a small reaction as a comment. "I mean I do feel bad for her, but if I was interested in her and she grew interested in me-"

"Then you and I would probably be on the same path right now." Jongdae finishes as Luhan just shakes his head as he thinks about becoming friends with Veronica and quite possibly more. He did think she was kind of cute, but now, he's glad that the whole thing is getting past them.

"I thought my life went to hell just this morning, but finding this out, I'm so fucking glad I didn't stick by her." Jongdae laughs but there's a little curiosity creeping inside him, he wonders if he can ask or not. Luhan seems to notice though, starting to blush a little. "I didn't get accepted into the college team I wanted to play in. Now though, there are other schools I could play for. It's no longer a big deal."

"Oh." Normally Jongdae wouldn't care. It's something that doesn't have his interest, but since it is their last year and everyone is focusing on getting into good schools and following their dreams, and he knows Jongin would be in the very same shoes as Luhan and the others next year, Jongdae cares a little. "How come you didn't get accepted?"

"Something about 'not having a good performance'. Whatever in the hell that means. Plus the guy who went to go see me didn't even seem interested in the first place so-"

"You think he may have some sort of say in your acceptance?" Jongdae asks, waiting for Luhan to answer to see if he's with him on the same page. When Luhan nods, Jongdae smirks. "Then you know what you have to do, don't you?"

Luhan’s eyes widen as he starts shaking his head. "No fucking way. Then I won't get accepted into any other schools if they find out."

"Who says they will? It seems to me that the guy just gave you a bad review because he's either interested in someone else, and by that I mean money or something fucking else."

"No way!" Luhan says loudly as he still continues shaking his head from side to side to emphasize that he's putting his foot down on this, but Jongdae knows that he's at least tempted to try. He knows he'll give in.

"Come on. You won't be alone. I'll go with you. Who do you think you're talking to anyway? I'm like the king of vandalism."

That perks Luhan's ears up. "Vandalism. We're going to vandalize the guy's house?"

"Does he live here?"

Luhan shrugs. Jongdae let's out some sort of noise that sounded like his tongue clicking on his teeth then hums. "One of them lives here, the other was just a representative of the school."

"Is the guy that lives here the one who may have given you a bad review?"

"I'm almost positive it was him because he's not from our school." That just confuses Jongdae so Luhan takes the initiative to explain. When he finally understands, Jongdae stands up and stretches his back out, his hands going in the air, then twists his torso to the side to fully stretch.

"You're driving right?" He asks Luhan, as he still needs a bit more convincing. "If you want us to be friends or be cool with one another, you're going to have to trust me. This could also be our bonding time."

"Fine. But I'm still not done talking to you."

Jongdae frowns. "You're going to ask about Yixing."

Luhan nods as he stands up. "I'm going to ask about Yixing." Jongdae sits back down, resting his arms on top of his bended knees. He's solemn, so Luhan sits back down beside him. "You know I was going to ask about him eventually-"

"No, I know. It's just… I don't want to think about him or even go talk to him until I get that done."

"The test?" He asks.

Jongdae shakes his head. "The std-"

"That's what I meant."

"Oh. Well yeah."

Luhan stays quiet. He's thinking about what to say. "Did you talk to your mom about it?" Jongdae nods. "What did she say?"

"That we'll go together to find out."

"That's not so bad, right? At least you won't go alone."

"That's not it." Jongdae sighs. "For the first time in my fucking life, I'm afraid of the outcome."

"You're worried about the results?" Jongdae nods, not meeting Luhan's gaze at all. He's actually stuck as he doesn't know what to say so Luhan sticks on telling him the truth. "You know, that no matter what the results say, Yixing will always choose to be with you." That gets Jongdae to lift his head up.

"You say that now. What happens in 10 years? Maybe 5? Let's give it 5 years. He'll get sick and tired of me and _that_ is not the life that he deserves to live. He needs someone that will give him everything, that isn't sick, that would make him happy-"

"And you think he's happy being so far away from you, knowing that you could use a friend right now, but he's not sure about what you're feeling about him? Do you think he was happy with you being gone this whole time, not knowing if you were OK or not?" Luhan asks, but its not really a question that needs an answer.

"Sure the reason he wanted to bring you back was for Jongin, but he's dying to be with you. Even if you just want him as a friend, he's more than perfectly fine being it. He just wants to be with you, in any way that _you_ want. If you want to be with him, like you were before, he'll gladly take that role back. He doesn't mind, doesn't care, he just wants you in any way you'll let him. He's miserable without you, Jongdae. He doesn't know if he should call or come over or give you space. He doesn't even know if you two are OK or not. He's not thinking about you and diseases. And if he does find out, you know that he'll come running straight to you and help you out in any way he can. He'll never leave your side, because he's crazy about you. He loves you in so many ways and so much, you're hurting him if you don't at least talk to him. And you and I know both know that you're also hurting yourself if you keep holding back. So talk to him. Or go see him. You both need it."

Luhan is right. In some way, whether Jongdae admits it or not, he's doing this because of Yixing. If he's clean, he'll tell Yixing. If he's not, he has to let Yixing go. He doesn't want to but deep in his heart, deep within, something tells him that Yixing _will_ be happier without him there if the outcome is him being positive. And he knows Yixing will fight to keep him there with him but Jongdae has to at least be open to the idea that him and Yixing will no longer be a thing. He's not going to ruin his life with that. He doesn't want anyone going through what he went through. Especially him.

"I cant, Luhan. I need to know."

"Then do it. And when you get the results, go straight to him and tell him how you feel."

"No! Not if I'm positive!" Jongdae yells out. It takes a quick second to see that Jongdae has tears welling up in his eyes. He sighs and scratches the back of his neck, tentatively putting his hand around Jongdae’s shoulders to bring him close, as Jongdae curls into him and cries silently into the crook of his neck. He never saw it before, and it's starting to pain him as he realizes that Jongdae is just like a child sometimes. A tiny child that just wants to be held when he cries because he's so lost and confused and doesn't know what to do other than cry. And there's nothing to do but hold the crying child and just let him let it all out.

"What would you do if you were negative?" Luhan asks, trying to make his tone come out as soothing and comfortable as possible, afraid that he'll scare Jongdae if he uses his normal tone.

"I'll tell Yixing everything. Even that I love him."

"And if you're positive?"

"I'll tell him to forget about me and to move on and that I don't love him."

Luhan nods. "Ok. Do me a favor though, yeah?"

"What is it?" Jongdae sniffles. Sitting up straight now to look at Luhan, and also to use the hem of his shirt to wipe his eyes.

"When you tell him that, promise me that you'll tell him when you actually mean it."

"What?"

"When you tell him that you no longer love him and to forget about you, promise me that you'll go when you really mean it. If you tell him when you don't mean it, you're going to suffer and he's going to suffer, and honestly I don't want to witness that. Believe me or not, but I don't want to see you suffer, Jongdae. Tell him when you're positive you'll forget about him, and when your heart doesn't love him. Promise me that."

Jongdae is at a loss of words for once. Luhan knows it too but he's not smirking at him or laughing or making fun of him. He's dead set serious. Looking straight into Jongdae's eyes, his gaze not faltering or anything. "I-I don't think I can promise you that."

"Then I guess you're going to have to tell him that you love him and no matter the outcome, you'll stay with Yixing."

 

"I-I…"

"Like I said. Believe me or not, I don't want to see you suffer, especially him because he's like my brother, but if this is what it would take to make you go to him, then I'm OK with you hating me for it for the rest of my life.

"I don't know-"

Luhan laughs, patting Jongdae's shoulder as he's still at a loss for words. He decides to change the subject so Jongdae won't mumble out incoherent words, but he's still strung up on the previous topic, Luhan decides to rip a bunch of leaves off from the bush and throw them all over Jongdae's head to get him to think about something else. "Are you going to be in the senior performance?" He asks, Jongdae finally getting out of it, sweeping the leaves off of himself.

"I don't know. Maybe. It's our final project, supposibly, but I'm not comfortable going up there, especially when I dropped out."

"About that. Why don't you go back? Especially when it's the last year and you're almost done anyway."

Jongdae shrugs. "It's too late now. I missed weeks. And also I rather worry about my mom than schoolwork."

"Oh. Ok. Well I can't make you. But you should still go to the senior thing. At least pass the classes that you like."

"Yeah. I'll think about it." Jongdae says, he has a lot on his mind now, so Luhan finds it in himself to stand up, stretch the same way Jongdae stretched a while ago then asks him if he's coming. "Where are we going?"

"To vandalize, remember? It's time to go have some bonding time." When Jongdae laughs as he stands up, Luhan smiles. He can become friends with Jongdae, he's honestly starting to grow a soft spot for him. He walks out the yard and walks straight to his car, waiting on Jongdae as he goes inside to tell his mom that he's going out for a bit. "This will be fun." He tells himself, almost believing it.

-

"I can’t believe I just got arrested." Luhan says for the thousandth time as he paces back and forth in the cell that is full of other people Jongdae apparently seems to know so well. He doesn't want to look up and make eye contact with anyone other than Jongdae or a cop. Afraid that he'll look at someone differently, and afraid of how the person would look like or look at him. Jongdae on the other hand, is leaning against the wall, his arms crossed across his chest and laughing at Luhan no doubt. "It's not funny."

"I know, but it is funny. It's not so bad if you think about it. It's not like we're going to the big old jails where they'll make us wear orange jumpsuits all the time." Jongdae knows he's not helping but he can't help but tease. That's the kind of friend he is. The only kind of friendship he knows well. But really, if Luhan didn't go back for him, he wouldn't be here, only Jongdae himself. "Take showers with hundreds of guys, some old and fat and wrinkly and smell like ball sweat. _This_ is paradise. Trust me." Luhan stops pacing altogether to look at Jongdae menancingly. Jongdae just laughs out loud, and pushes himself off the wall to walk towards Luhan and get him to sit down beside him. "You're driving me crazy with the pacing. But seriously this is not so bad. We're getting bailed out. We don't even have to spend the night. It's just for an hour or couple of minutes, then you're a free man."

"That's what you think. But my parents are going to fly in just to kill me. I'm in deep shit."

Jongdae laughs again, setting his hand on Luhan's shoulder to get him to ease down. It miraculously works a little. "It's not like they're going to know. You're of age already. They don't need to call your parents unless you called them to bail you out." Luhan shakes his head. "Then see! Nothing to worry about."

"Again. That's what you think. My parents may never be home but they fucking find out everything. And if they see that I took a huge amount of money out to give to Kris to pay him back for the bail, they'll kill me even more."

"Then don't pay Kris back for the bail."

"I'm not that kind of guy, Jongdae. I need to pay him back."

"Fine. Whatever you say." Jongdae crouches down now, next to Luhan, giggling to himself at first then full on laughing out loud as he remembers what they did. "You have to admit though, the thing was priceless." Luhan smiles, giving into Jongdae, joining him as he starts to laugh also.

"I thought you weren't going to use the fireworks. As soon as the first one went up I knew we had him." Luhan adds, making Jongdae laugh even harder as he nods at him. "You really are the king of vandalism."

"Told you so. But shit, Luhan. When someone tells you to run, you fucking haul ass."

"I told you I'm fast."

"Apparently not fast enough if we got caught." Jongdae teases, getting a punch on the arm from Luhan. He rubs the spot but continues to laugh as they recall what happened.

"Did you have to play that song though the whole time? Where do you even know a guy from a toilet paper company?" Jongdae just laughs then shrugs then laughs again, as Luhan laughs harder, clutching his stomach as they can't stop laughing.

"Jesus, fuck, Luhan. You're ugly when you laugh." Jongdae adds, getting another punch from Luhan but Luhan doesn't seem to mind the comment as he continues laughing. They try to stop or at least control their laughter, it takes a cop banging on the cell to get them to shut up, and even after they giggle to themselves.

"Seriously, Revenge by the Plain White T's on loop made it funny."

"Also the fireworks."

"And the toilet paper tied it all together." Luhan adds after Jongdae, the two laughing one last time, as they get closer and closer to each other as some of their other inmates seem to get annoyed with the two of them and look like they're about to say or do something to them. As long as they're sitting together and they see that Luhan is with Jongdae, they can't really do anything to him. "Seriously how do you know a toilet paper guy?"

"I met him here. That's his son over there by the corner." Jongdae points out, a 30 something year old man passed out from drinking too much, was not what Luhan was expecting. "Told you this place is not so bad."

"Well I just hope the schools don't find out about this or I may never get accepted."

"Don't worry. You will. If the way you run is any indication at how well you play on the field, then I'm sure you'll be getting begged into going to all kinds of schools."

"That's nice of you. Which to be honest it sounds weird me saying that to you." Jongdae laughs, nodding as he agrees. They grow quiet, looking around at the different people inside the cell with them. Some are people Luhan would never expect to find here. One man looks like a business worker, with the suit he's wearing giving away clues, and one looks like a mother, constantly asking about her kids whenever a cop walks by. His world just became different with Jongdae by his side, he doesn't mind it.

"Hey."

"Yeah?"

"Please don't tell Yixing anything until I get the results, ok?"

"Ok. This time, I swear, my lips are sealed." Jongdae laughs at the choice of words and so does Luhan. Considering that the first time Luhan's lips were not sealed, so now it's funny.

"Well look at that. You boys had fun bonding?" Jongdae and Luhan immediately move away from each other and stand up, grabbing the cell in front of them as Kris is standing there with both hands on his hips, smiling at the two of them. He almost wants to coo at them, the two of them looking like a pair of puppies wagging their tails at him at the thought that they get to get out soon. He also wants to take a picture of the two of them, he's tempted to as his hand reaches for his phone to pull it out.

"Wu Yifan, do NOT fucking dare!" Luhan threatens as Kris laughs then shakes his head, saying that he won't do it.

"What was he going to do?" Jongdae asks, both Kris and Luhan remembering that Jongdae is kind of new to their friendship, so things that Kris or Luhan had in mind and the other picked up on it, Jongdae wouldn't be able to because he's barely getting to know them.

"He was going to take a picture of us."

"Oh. Well let him. That way everyone will believe the two of us being the best of friends now." Luhan laughs, nodding his head as he let's Kris pull out his phone and take pictures of the two of them together. When he puts it away and a cop shows up to open the cell, he stops him as he has something to say. Jongdae hopes it's not about Yixing.

"Before we go, promise me that neither of you are going to pay me back. Especially you, Jongdae. You guys don't have to pay me back, and if your integrity tells you otherwise, too bad. Alright?" Jongdae wants to say no, but he thinks that the reason why Kris mostly emphasized on him is because of the things he went through to get money. So he kind of grows grateful towards him, that Kris understands that Jongdae would do anything to pay him back, but the fact that he doesn't have to, it's the first time he ever hears someone tell him that. It's the first time he hears "You don't have to pay me back" and those 7 words are always going to be treasured to him, because its the first time he doesnt have to give any kind or form of payment. When both him and Luhan nod and the cop finally opens the cell door, Jongdae quickly walks into Kris' arms and silently thanks him. He's flustered at first, doesn't understand why he's being thanked, but he hugs Jongdae back, giving him a pat on the back and a smile as soon as he pulls away. He supposes that one day he'll understand.

"So, did you kiss Junmyeon's ass to let you come get us?"

"What?" Kris asks, while Jongdae laughs out loud and leads the way towards the exit. "What do you mean by that?"

"I mean that lately you and him are inseparable, it seems like there was ass kissing involved just to get him to let you out of his sight for a few." While making their way to the car, they fall into a discussion about Kris and Junmyeon. Luhan and Jongdae were just made to be partners and pick on the little people. Kris hates it a little, but also, secretly likes it.

-

Jongdae was nervous. Really nervous, as he was biting his fingernail, his leg bouncing out of impatience that his mom had to stop him, placing her hand on his knee. "Kid, you're driving me crazy here."

"Sorry. I just…"

"You're nervous, I get it. But you being nervous is making me nervous and I don't want to be nervous. Positive vibes, remember?" Jongdae nods as she smiles at him, a smile that is just like his. He's slowly starting to realize that although he may look like his dad, he has some of his mom's features. Like her smile, and her nose, and eyelashes. It comforts him knowing that. And he gets comfort some more when she reaches over for his hand and laces their fingers together. "Do you think Jongin and grandma will be fine?" She asks. Jongdae shrugs then laughs. Jongin and his grandmother can be kind of awkward with each other. Jongin didn't really grow up visiting their grandmother, or talking to her on the phone or anything. While with Jongdae, it's been years since he last saw her and there was also a situation where his grandmother probably didn't want anything to do with him, they're still close, all because she took care of him as a child. And since Jongdae and his mom woke up really early to head to the hospital and never mentioned anything to the two of them, he can see why his mom would ask that.

"Jongin is very likeable, I'm sure they'll get along."

"Yeah. I guess so." She says turning away after, smiling at an elder couple as soon as she makes eye contact with them. She seems happy. And she wants to show it to everyone because for once she's not hooked to an oxygen tank. She feels free, but her main concern is Jongdae right now, so instead of walking around, she sits beside him and holds his hand. They make small talk, every once in a while laughing at some comments the other made, and every once in a while Jongdae becomes a worried parent and it makes her laugh and pinch his cheek. "You are so so cute." She coos, making Jongdae grow embarrassed, which makes her do it some more. " I'm fine. Don't worry about me. But I am worried about you. Do you want some breakfast? We haven't really eaten."

"I'm fine." Jongdae lies. The thought about eating something right now is making him feel more sick than he already thinks he is. "If you want something I'll go buy it for you."

"Nah. I'm ok. I'm just wondering when they'll call your name to get started already. Unless you need food inside you?"

"I don't think so." Jongdae replies. "They would've said something, right?"

"Well we did show up at a hospital instead of making an appointment at a clinic, so… I don't know. Usually they tell you these things, right?" Jongdae shrugs as he doesn't really know, the two of them falling into laughter once again. Jongdae yawns soon after. His mom quickly sticking her finger in his mouth, quickly and repeatedly, laughing once more as his face twists into confusion, wondering what she was doing. "It was a game." She admits and Jongdae doesn't ask, nodding as he's ok with it. "Are you going to tell me who bailed you out?" She suddenly asks, Jongdae chokes midway his other yawn. She laughs at him and pats his back until he stops, looking at her amusingly, pretending as if he doesn't know what she's talking about. "I know you went out to do something. You were gone the whole day. Plus, Jongin told me that you got arrested. What did you do?"

Jongdae blushes. There's no use lying now. "Don't get mad ok?" She nods, waits for him to continue. "Me and Luhan went to go thrash some guy's place. The cops showed up, and when we tried jumping over the fence, I got caught by one of the hooks, he stayed behind to help and that's when the cops caught us. We called some guy named Kris, I don't know if you know him, but he bailed us out. That's what happened." Jongdae expects his mom to tell him that what he did was wrong and to never do it again. But she's being quiet. Eerily quiet, her hand covering her mouth, probably not knowing what to say. But when Jongdae hears muffled laughter and sees his mom leaning away from him, he knows that she's laughing at him. "Whhhaaaattttt?"

"You got caught on a hook?" Jongdae laughs out loud. It sounds so ridiculous. He's jumped over millions of fences before, not once ever getting caught, but last night as he waited for Luhan to jump down, his pants got stuck and Luhan had to climb back up to help him out. If he jumped down, just like that, it would've been bad.

"It's not that funny." He whines, his mom laughing even more now.

"I'm sorry, babe. I shouldn't laugh. You're right. But come on, how did you get caught on the hook?"

"I don't know. My pants, I think it was the belt loop, or maybe even my pocket, got caught and if I jumped then I wouldn't-"

"Have pants." She finishes for him as he nods. She laughs one more time then looks right at him. "So you two cool now?"

"Yeah. I think so. We talked about stuff. Plus it was fun vandalizing the man's house. Too bad we didn't really get away with it."

She smiles at him, taking his hand in hers again. "What did you guys do?"

"Bought fireworks, went to a toilet paper company and just threw a ton of them all over the guy's house."

"Good thing his house didn't catch fire with the fireworks."

"For real." Jongdae laughs. "Then Luhan will never get accepted into schools and I'll feel so so bad about it." They grow into comfortable silence after, but Jongdae has something he's been wanting to say for a while now, just never found the right moment. He looks around the waiting area. It's almost like deja vu all over again. He turns in his seat to look at his mom, then leans forward to lower his voice. "Umm, this is the place that Saint Zhang works at."

"Really? Is she a doctor?" She sounds so surprised and not intimated, Jongdae thinks this is a good sign. A part of him thinks his mom might be intimated or resentful over Saint Zhang because in such a short amount of time she became a mother figure to him while she never really was until now.

"No. She's a nurse. I just don't know if she's in today or not."

"What will you do if she's in?"

"I don't know." Jongdae shrugs. "I guess talk to her about this."

His mom nods. "Ok." She says. "Then maybe it would be better if I stayed here."

"What? No. You should come with me."

"You owe it to her to talk about this situation, babe. I'll be fine by myself." She placed her hand over his cheek, giving him a smile, reassuring him that she'll be OK and that he'll be OK as well. Jongdae understands, kissing the side of her palm. "After you're done, you can introduce us." He smiles, decides to pull her in for a hug, thanking her for being amazing about this. When he pulls away to say something, his name gets called out, by a different nurse that isn't Saint Zhang. He's a bit disappointed but tells his mom that he's going, she wishes him good luck, and goes towards the nurse that called him, giving him a warm smile and asks him to follow her. They pass by the room where him and Yixing were waiting at the last time they came together. He tightens his lips into a hard line as he looks away, memories of him and Yixing kissing in that room come flooding in. He closes his eyes for a quick second to shake his head to make those memories go away, looking up to see the nurse stop in front of a room, smiling at him.

"You'll be in room number 7." She says, waiting for Jongdae to walk in first. _Great._ He tells himself, along with an eye roll. "A nurse would be in shortly to take your measurements and everything." Jongdae's eyes go wide at that.

"You're not going to-"

"I'm sorry. I cant. It's a busy day today so we're trying to put patients in quickly as possible. But if you want me to be the one to check you, I'll let them know."

"No. Its fine. I was just surprised."

"Usually the nurse that calls you in checks up on you?" She laughs, Jongdae laughs along with her, except his sounds like a dry laugh.

"Yeah." He nods. "Well thank you."

"No problem." She says, closing the door behind her, setting his clipboard down outside the door. Jongdae waits. And waits and waits and waits and it's ridiculous that he already wants to leave when he just walked into the room. He lays back on the bed, staring up at the light since there's basically no ceiling, just one long rectangular light. _It just had to be room number 7._

"Number 7." He says quietly into the room.

"Yixing." He whispers to himself.

He tightens his lips together. Yixing who keeps popping up in his head. Yixing who kisses him. Yixing who laughs with him. Yixing who _loves_ him.

"Please let me be negative." He whispers. Jongdae was never one to "pray". If this even is considered as praying. He never was one who believed in a higher up and asking and getting what he wanted, but never in his whole life did he want this to become true. "Please, please, _please_ let me be negative for once. Just this once." He whispers, using every fiber in his body to wish this, to show that he really wants this. From the bottom of his heart, all the way to his inner soul, he wants this. "Let me be negative, and I'll tell Yixing that I love him. I'll tell him everyday. I won't take him for granted. I love him. So please just let me be negative so he can at least know. He _deserves_ to know. That's all I ask. For now. Whoever is listening, please grant me this. I'll never doubt you again." Jongdae doesn't know how to end it, so he sits up instead and hopes that that's the end of that and hopes that his wish or whatever he just did comes true. He truly wants this, and before he starts to think about trying again because maybe he did it wrong, the door swings open and Saint Zhang is walking in, looking so surprised that he's sitting there waiting.

"Oh my God. It really is you." She says, stepping further in the room and striding towards him, as he stands up and pulls her into a hug, as she had her arms wide open to hug him. She hugs him tight, and he hopes that he's hugging her just as tight back, and if he's not, he hopes that him crying indicates just how much he missed her and means a lot to him. And also that she won't hate him for what he's about to tell her on why he's really there. _Please just grant me this wish._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for another filler like chapter, but Luhan and Jongdae talking and spending time together seemed fitting and a must have. I also have a long list of songs that remind me of the story or want to include in the story and Revenge by the Plain White T's definitely fit for them vandalizing the guy's house so yeah. Lol anyway. Thank you for reading. ^^
> 
> Thank you to every one of you for liking, subscribing, voting, commenting, reading, glancing, kudos, hits, and everything in between. You have no idea how much in the world it means to me. It always makes my day! So thank you! ^^
> 
> Stay With Me is now on Asianfanfics! So if you’re interested on reading there, you can do so **here!**
> 
> Any questions or comments or critiques or you just want to say hi or yell at me for whatever, or just want to talk about whatever, you can do so **here.** I also give full permission for you to kick my ass for making Jongdae go through so much.
> 
> *If you're interested in messaging me on tumblr in case I don't reply to you soon, or just want to check it out, you can do so  **[here!](http://sjabe.tumblr.com/)** Its a bad edits side blog so I can't follow back, but if you want me to, let me know and I'll follow back from my main. ^^ Have a great day or night! ^^ ✌☺*


	19. Chapter 19

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wanted to post weekly again but things came up. Sorry. I hope you're enjoying your weekend and dying over this Exo concert that is apparently trying to kill everyone. I know I have died 20 times now all thanks to Kim Jongdae and Zhang Yixing. Mostly Jongdae because I feel so so proud of him. Please love him if you dont. Lol jk. But please really do. Enjoy! ^^

"Oh my God. I've missed you so much." Saint Zhang says, as her hand goes to the back of Jongdae’s head and starts petting his hair. He likes how she doesn't pull away from him the second he buries his face against her neck. Likes how he just keeps hugging her tighter and tighter and yet she doesn't complain. Likes that she's saying she missed him, and meaning that her _herself_ missed him and _not_ because Yixing is missing him, because if Yixing is missing him then so should she because she's his mother. And it means so much to him hearing her say that. Feeling her hug him just as tight back. Listen to her cry about how she was worried and that if something did happened to him, she'll go straight to his mom to tell her that it was her fault that she lost him when he was under her care. Jongdae laughs a little, pulling away from her, but not really stopping the physical touching. He takes her hands in his, and kisses one of her knuckles.

"I'm so sorry I put you through that, it wasn't, and please don't ever think that it was, your fault. It was just something that I did in the spurt of the moment." Her hand frees from his and goes to his face, gently put there as her palm warms his face and her thumb runs across his cheek to wipe the tears. He looks like a mess. Well compared to her he looks like a mess. He still has scratches and bruises and a busted lip because of the fight and she looks worried. So so worried. "I'm so sorry, Saint Zhang." He says as he reaches up and wipes her tears as well.

"Don't be. Please tell me that you're not really out in the streets. Yixing mentioned that you went home, but I-"

"Don't worry." He nods, a smile plastered on his face, just to get her to smile back at him. "I am home. Everything is ok. Well in a sense, everything is ok."

"Did you and your mom…?"

"Talk?" He suggests and she nods. "Yeah." He answers, moving towards the bed now so they can both sit on it. "It was scary at first, now… I'm scared of losing her." He admits. There's an indescribable amount of sadness in his eyes, Saint Zhang has to pull him forward to hug him. In that very second, Jongdae starts to cry again. "She's at the last stages but doesn't want to do chemo. She says there's no point, especially when we don't have money for it. I thought what I did was enough, but apparently not." He adds. He hears a small sniffle, and it registers in him that Yixing may have told her everything about him. So she knows what Jongdae did to get money. "Yixing told you what I did, didn't he?"

She nods, using her thumb to wipe her tear. "Yeah. He told me."

"Did I hurt you?" He asks. Hearing him ask her that, it sets in, that Jongdae also cares what she thinks of him and if she says that she's disappointed in him, or something similar to it, she _will_ hurt him.

"No. I was just worried about you. I hoped that you would be safe, and you are. Beaten up but safe." He smiles, her hand automatically cupping his cheek as she smiles back. "I missed you so much."

"I missed you so much too." Jongdae says then grows quiet, he removes her hand away from his face to place it down on the bed, just so he can start rubbing circles around her knuckles. He remembers the day they did their nails and how she complained on how her hands look so old and wrinkly and constantly hurt. He told her that they remind him of mom hands, where the two of them laughed out loud after and proceeded with painting their nails. Now being around his mom, he started to learn how to massage them, so when he rubs his thumb deep into Saint Zhang's knuckles, he hopes he's doing a good job. "She told me about my dad."

Saint Zhang gasps a little. "What did she say?"

"He died from an overdose." He says so bluntly, it takes a second for it to register in Saint Zhang.

"He died? When? How? Do you know?"

Jongdae nods, now moving to massage each individual finger. He likes that she hasn't asked what he's doing and hasn't pulled her hand away. "He died before I was born. When he found out that my mom was pregnant, he wanted to leave the girl he was with at the time, but when she found out about my dad wanting to leave her, she used drugs on him and she overdosed him and he died."

"Oh honey. I'm so sorry. I know you had hopes of your father being alive somewhere." She says as she once again immediately pulls him into a hug, rubbing his back to comfort him. Jongdae never told Yixing about his hopes about his father being out there somewhere. The only person who knew was Saint Zhang. It was something he never really avoided, it only seemed that way because he never got asked. Yeah he hated the man, but deep down he wanted to one day find him and tell him that he's his son, maybe hit him, then after they'll go for a drink or buy some food. He never knew why he never told Yixing. When he found out about his dad, he knew why. He didn't want to tell that many people about it and get his hopes up in case the man turns out to be dead. Now that he knows, he can move on.

"She also said that I look like him. That I remind her of him. Apparently he was a punk ass kid like me covered in tattoos." Saint Zhang smiles at that when they pull away.

"Your father must have been a handsome young man then."

"You really think I'm hamdsome?" There's a hint of a blush warming up his face when he asks. Also a child like moment. Like a child getting told they'll grow up to be handsome and smart from a parent.

"Of course." She answers, a small laugh escaping her. "How are you so cute, Jongdae? Of course I think you're handsome, but I also got to be faithful to my son and say that 'maybe not as much as Yixing.' But you're still good looking." Jongdae laughs out loud at that, nodding his head after.

"Yixing is good looking. He probably gets his looks from his mom."

"Yeah he does actually. Yes he does." She says, the two falling into comfortable laughter after. They then fall into silence. Comfortable silence that reminds Jongdae of Yixing, getting reminded on why he's really there. He inwardly frowns. He doesn't know where to start. Saint Zhang suddenly stands up, walking over to the small sink to start washing her hands. "I take it you didn't come here just to talk. When I heard that a Kim Jongdae was here I wasn't sure if it was you or not, now I get the feeling that you're actually here to get a check up or something. Am I right?" Jongdae nods. "Alright. Should we get started or should I find another nurse for you?"

"No. No. I actually…" _Now's your chance, Jongdae._ "I have something really important to tell you and I also ask you to please not tell Yixing about what I'm about to say. Please?"

She's hesitant and quiet for a second. "Ok. Pinky promise." She says, holding her pinky out. Jongdae hesitates for a second then holds his pinky out and wraps it around hers. "What is it?"

"I- Remember what Yixing told you and what I did to get money?" She nods. He takes in a big breath then slowly exhales it out. He's really nervous and really scared right now. He can feel butterflies in his stomach going crazy, he has to physically put a hand over it to make them stop. "What did he tell you?" She doesn't seem to understand where he's going with this, but answers him anyway.

"That you slept around for money."

"That's partially right." He says.

"Partially right? What do you mean partially right?"

Jongdae takes in another deep breath then slowly exhales it out. "I slept with both guys and girls, and all those times I didn't use protection and they didn't use any on me." He says it so fast and quickly, just to put it out there. No hesitations, no more hiding it. He hears a small gasp, looking over at Saint Zhang as she has a hand over her mouth as she finally understands.

"You mean…"

"I think I may have an std, Saint Zhang." He says while his voice starts to break, a wall starts to break, and Jongdae is standing there crying, shaking, growing afraid every single millisecond that passes between him and Saint Zhang not approaching him and comforting him. When she finally reaches him and pulls him into a tight hug, he eases into her. His body goes limp, he feels safe but is quietly begging her, with so much tears in his eyes and sadness in his tone, "Please don't say anything to Yixing. Please, Saint Zhang, I beg of you not to say anything to him until I find out if I'm positive or not."

She sniffles and nods. A hand going to his head to protect him. It's too late now but she wants to protect him. He deserves to know that he'll always be protected by her. "I promise I won't." Her voice sounds so shaky, it kind of worries him. "But honey, what will you do if you are positive?" She asks, pulling away from him to look him in the eyes. Jongdae makes eye contact, to show he's serious about this and means it.

"I'm going to have to let him go. He's going to need to forget about me. I guess that also includes you too, Saint Zhang." Jongdae says, his eyesight immediately going down, as if ashamed to say that out loud to her. He will never know why he feels like shit whenever a grown woman cries in front of him. Whether he knows them or not, it physically hurts him just seeing them cry. Women like Saint Zhang and his mom, and even grandmother, he wishes he could make everything right. Wishes he wasn't such a bad guy to make them cry in the first place.

He watches her lower lip tremble, trying not to cry in front of him, but she knows that he knows that it's useless. She sees him as a son. Someone he can confide in and never take him for granted. Knows that he's the source to her child's happiness. And also a bit of her own happiness as well. Claiming him as her family member when he thought he had no one other than his brother, now it will all get taken away. It's selfish really but she's learned a long time ago that selfishness is not so bad if both people benefit from it. It's wrong for her to make him stay, when he's not really hers in the first place. He's her own son's, so she nods her head and accepts it. If he's going to keep away from her son, it's only fair that he keeps away from her too. She just wishes for it not to be true. It wouldn't be fair to Jongdae if it was true.

"God, I hope to whoever or whatever, that you're negative. And not because I want you to stay or have pity in you or anything. But because you don't deserve it, Kim Jongdae. You're an amazing human being, you may think otherwise, but I know someday it will set in and you will be OK with it. You deserve happiness, and if my son is that source, then I really hope and wish that everything works out for you."

"Thank you so much, Saint Zhang." Jongdae says as he pulls her into a hug, the two starting to cry against each other. They both laugh, finding it ridiculous that they keep crying and hugging as if they're saying goodbye for a real long time, in a way they are but they don't want to really say goodbye if he turns out to be positive. They just want to hug and cry and accept it and just leave without saying a single word. It would hurt less than hearing the other say goodbye for good. "You have no idea where I would be without you." He adds, Saint Zhang just cries, holding him tighter, making sure every single cell in his body is stitched with her love. "I love you." He whispers, she stiffens in his arms for a second, realization hitting her that he said that. She pulls away, cupping his face to make sure it really is him, that he really did say that. Jongdae smiles at her and nods, confirming that he did, and with tears in her eyes and a smile spreading across her face, pulling him into a hug once again, she says it back.

"Oh. I love you too!" She hears him laugh. A laugh that says that he's happy to hear that, so she says it again. "So so much!" She adds after, pressing a kiss on the side of his head. "Promise me that you'll never forget that."

"I promise." And he promises with all his heart.

-

When Jongdae finishes with his testing and his checkup and physical, he gets the option to wait with his mom or wait back in the room he was in. He chooses to wait by himself, texting his mom the progress and if she's ok. When he gets a reply, he lays back on the bed and eases his body to relax into the hard mattress. Usually it takes weeks or days to get results, but since Saint Zhang knows people down at the lab and this is crucial, like she told him she'll say to them, it would only be a few hours. A few looonnngg hours. Long hours of his mind thinking that he'll be positive and he should get ready for when the news are announced. He should never be alone with his thoughts because when he thinks about everything and everyone, it always turns to him hating himself. Him wanting to go back and change everything. Him always saying that he'll change, be a different person, be a better person, and when he tries to do the right thing, it always backfires. He decides to text Luhan and tell him about the progress instead.

Texting Luhan is something that he thought would never happen. When he told Luhan that he's going to get tested, Luhan made him promise that he'll let him know how it goes. Jongdae promised, got his phone number and everything, but texting Luhan or even thinking about texting him feels surreal. It feels odd. He was never that friend. He only texted the ones who knew about drugs, parties, and asking for a place to stay the night. Some of those places included really uncomfortable couches, high off his head, or really comfortable warm beds, with girls who wanted someone for the night. Texting Luhan is definitely weird. Especially texting something along the lines of "I'm in the hospital. Just finished testing. Bye." Because he doesn't know how to end a text, and also he's not sure if he wants to continue even talking to him.

He puts his phone away and stares up at the ceiling. The white ceiling and the yellow ugly light is boring him, so he puts his arm over his eyes. He sees colors and shapes and patterns, and hears music and laughter and singing. _This is when we worked on the mural._ He then sees a face. A beautiful face that's laughing out loud. A face that the laugh slowly turns into a smile that reveals deep dimples. A face that he knows so well and loves. So Jongdae smiles. He smiles so wide, his fingers ache to touch, so he stretches his arm out, the tip of his fingers slowly gracing the side of the face. The beautiful face just smiles and let's him continue touching him. When Jongdae places his palm over the face, he feels tingly. A good warm tingly. It makes him happy. So so happy and he thinks that he could fall in love everyday. If its him, love is not so scary. If it's him, he can live his days with his breath taken away everyday. If it's him, he can dream about forever.

He then sees a frown. A sad frown, but the eyes say differently. _This is when I revealed everything._ He sees sadness in the eyes but also something else. Something that reminds him of beauty. It reminds him of when he sees something weird or something broken but there's a hint of beauty in it. When a person cries, Jongdae finds them beautiful because true emotions, or true feelings came out. When he listens to a song that no one likes because they're screaming or its not their favorite genre and they find the sound ugly, but when you really listen, the lyrics speak to him. When he looks at a blank canvas, and just one line or one small circle or a simple mistake, it turns beautiful. Yixing saw him that way when he told him everything. When Jongdae said things that sounded ugly and horrible to him, Yixing saw it, thought, it was beautiful. Even when he came to get him back, when things could've gone really badly, even with worry filling his every nerve, he still saw him as something beautiful.

He can't take it anymore.

He sits up on the bed, looks around to see where he's at, but its hard when tears keep blinding his eye sight. He's having some sort of panic attack, crying really hard and sobbing, feeling so lost and afraid, his breathing getting harder. "I fucked up!" He yells out. "I fucked up so badly." He cries. He hasn't felt this way in a long time, filling the hole with unnecessary things, now he just wants Yixing. And Yixing only. Yixing will fill him up. Yixing will save him and protect him and Jongdae will promise to always stay with him. To never leave. To never fuck up again. To never hurt him or anyone ever again. To make things right. To get rid of all of the ugly and cover it with beauty. "I fucked up. But _I'll_ make things right."

He pulls out his phone to look through the contacts, finding a specific person he hasn't spoken to in a while. He swallows a lump in his throat, feeling his fingers shake as they hold his phone, contemplating on whether he should press down or not. His whole body is shaking from the sobbing he went through, so he looks up at the ugly ceiling again to control his breathing and calm down, and maybe decide if he should press the number or not. He decides to do it, pressing the phone to his ear as he hears the line ring.

_"Hello?_

"Hey. It's Jongdae. Can we talk?"

-

Junmyeon would have never expected his brother falling for someone like Jongdae. Especially when he had fallen for him first. He also never pictured his brother becoming friends with him, but he thinks better Sehun than him because that relationship is long over. He never expected Yixing to be with him and fall in love with him, and he never expected his boyfriend to become so caring and protective of him as well. He doesn't mind. He doesn't mind at all. He likes that his boyfriend talks about Jongdae like a father figure or even an older brother. He likes that his boyfriend is willing to help Jongdae out in anything and everything. He just feels bad because him and Jongdae may never have a decent friendship with each other again. He sort of feels left out while all his friends and brother and boyfriend are on the Jongdae band wagon. And really he doesn't mind at all, Jongdae deserves good people, and the good people Junmyeon knows are his friends, so he doesn't mind. Doesn't mind at all. But him and Jongdae… it's over and he feels that he'll be the one getting left out.

Junmyeon never really liked getting left out of anything. That's why when Jongdae and Yixing were hanging out, he was angry and upset. And since at the time he was still hung up on the whole Jongdae hurting him thing and him hurting Jongdae back, he didn't want Yixing with Jongdae at all. But only a fool would say that they don't match at all. The evidence was crystal clear. Jongdae and Yixing were made for each other. And when Jongdae left and Yixing was left all alone, Junmyeon could see that Yixing was hurting. He was going crazy without knowing a single thing about him. Even when he told the others that he'll find Jongdae to bring him back for Jongin, Yixing was completely lying. He just wanted to see him. Just once.

One day when they tried to get Yixing out of the house so he won't be alone during the weekend, Yixing thought he saw Jongdae everywhere he went. Yixing talked about Jongdae every time he saw something that reminded him of him, and it was literally every thing he saw that he would get reminded of him. Yixing was going crazy being out with them so they took him back home and made sure that he got sleep, but it only made Yixing cry on his bed and clutch his pillow and comforter against his chest. "I hope he's ok. Do you think he's ok?" He would ask and everyone had no choice but to nod their head to comfort him that Jongdae was alright.

He would break down in the middle of class because he saw a figure pass by the hall, thinking it was him. He would try to sit with the smokers during lunch, only because he missed the smell of cigarettes Jongdae sometimes carried around him. Yixing claims that he stopped smoking, and maybe he did but the smell of cigarettes was always around him. It became engraved in him. But Junmyeon only thinks that Yixing wanted to be around the smell of cigarettes because the first time he ever noticed Jongdae was when he was smoking. Gets reminded of Jongdae because he was a smoker before. So every smoker out there reminds him of Jongdae. He tried to talk more with Chanyeol and Kyungsoo but only to get song recommendations from Chanyeol that will remind him of Jongdae and hear what Jongdae is like during choir class when Kyungsoo and him shared the same class. He wanted to talk to Jongin about their childhood but since Jongin was depressed that his brother was missing, he never bothered him. It never once occurred to Yixing himself that he was becoming depressed as well.

Junmyeon accepted Jongdae and Yixing together, he accepted his friends trying to be friends with him. He was surprised that Sehun and Jongdae made out at the party and his brother really liked it, but he accepted it. Accepted that Sehun even became worried about Jongdae being gone for so long. Accepted Luhan and him finally finding peace with each other and even becoming friends, but one thing he cannot accept is Kris doing anything and everything to help Jongdae out but he gets or has to stay at home because him and Jongdae are not cool with each other. He wants things right between them, they both deserve to close that chapter of their books down, but Junmyeon doesn't even know where to begin with that. He can't do what Luhan and Jongdae did to get close to one another, and deep down he feels that if he were to ever go to Jongdae, Jongdae might tell him to go away. So he stays put.

That day he decides to go see Yixing to see if he's alright, since apparently Jongdae and him haven't talked ever since Jongdae came back. When he rings the doorbell, Junmyeon has to really look at him when he opens the door. He's never seen him look so miserable before, not even when his grandmother passed away. He looks so lonely and since it's been a while since they last hung out as friends, he's glad to walk inside and pull his friend into a hug because it seems like he really needs one at the moment. "How you holding up?" He asks him. Yixing just scratches his head, grumbles, and heads towards the kitchen, leaving Junmyeon to close the door behind himself. Yixing is wearing nothing but a shirt he only put halfway on and seemed to give up on putting it properly all the way. He also seemed to be putting it on inside out. One sleeve on and the other hanging out. His hair is messy and sticking out everywhere and his pajama pants are hanging really low, like he only pulled them up halfway. He didn't want to get up today. Let alone change to open the door for someone.

"Do you want something?" Yixing asks, opening the refrigerator door to take out a water bottle. He looks up at Junmyeon, who shakes his head no at him. He then closes it and drinks the whole bottle down, refilling it with more water to stick it back in the fridge. Junmyeon takes it as a sign that Yixing hasn't been eating or drinking anything.

"When's the last time you ate something?" He asks, watching Yixing leave the kitchen and head to the living room to sit on the couch. He leans back, his legs spread out in front of himself, getting one of the couch cushions to put on top of himself. Junmyeon just watches him. Yixing is trying to make himself become one with the couch it seems. "Yixing."

"I haven't ate since two days ago." He yells out, sounding annoyed. Junmyeon is kind of used to hearing that tone from his friends. He tends to nag them, but he only does so because he's worried about them.

"Two days, Yixing? How are you not starving?"

"I don't feel hungry." Yixing says as he squirms around trying to find a comfortable spot.

"Is it because Jongdae hasn't contacted you yet?" Junmyeon kind of expects him to lie but he's not surprised that Yixing is being blunt with him. He seems to want to keep things short so he can be alone but Junmyeon thinks that it's not a good idea for him right now.

"Yeah. But I also don't know if i should contact him. I'm trying to give him space especially with dealing with his mom, but I know that whether it's good or bad, he needs someone. And I can't shake the feeling that something happened to him when he was away but… ugh!" Yixing groans. "I don't know. I don't know what to do. We kissed but… I don't know if it was a 'we'll talk later' kiss or 'goodbye' kiss and if it is goodbye… I don't want that to be our final one, you know? I don't want that to be our final anything, but I keep backing out on contacting him. And ugh Junmyeon. I don't know!" He then drops his head down on the cushion to hide the fact that he's starting to cry. Junmyeon is quickly by his side, rubbing his back in comfort, telling him that it's ok to cry.

"I know how you feel. I felt that way with Kris. But this is not about me or him. It's about you. And I know you're confused, but maybe you giving him space is the right thing that you're doing so far. I know you're dying to know how he's doing and to be with him, but the space you're giving him may make him see just how badly he wants you in his life."

"What if he doesn't?" Yixing asks. He's looking up at Junmyeon and he could see that Yixing has been crying a lot lately. His eyes got red really quickly for someone who was trying to come off as he hasn't been crying at all. "What if he doesn't want me to be part of his world? You ever felt like your world suddenly became better, opened up, all because of one person? I thought for a while that you were going to be that person for me. But meeting Jongdae, and no offense, but I think my world became better because of him. I see things in a different light, and my grandmother always said that that's the greatest gift anyone can give to you. And to never take it for granted because once it's gone, your whole world can fall apart and that's how I feel without him, Junmyeon. I don't know what to do. Everything is breaking into pieces."

Junmyeon sighs. He feels bad. Really bad. Yixing is one of his best friends and seeing him like this hurts him. He almost wants to go to Jongdae and make him go to Yixing, but that's not the right way to make things right between them. No one should force anyone to do anything or the foundation will start off very wrong. Nothing will work out. He wants to tell him what he knows. About Jongdae and Luhan getting arrested last night and Kris bailing them out, but Junmyeon wasn't there. He has no right to share that information, not to mention that sharing information that wasn't theirs to share was what started this whole thing with Yixing and Jongdae. But he knows it would at least give Yixing a peace of mind if he knows. He sighs again, putting his hand behind Yixing's neck to massage it.

"Jongdae and Luhan got arrested last night."

"What?" Yixing yells out, more shocked to hear that than asking again because he didn't quiet hear him, but Junmyeon repeats it again in case Yixing is asking because he didn't hear.

"They got arrested last night. Something about vandalism."

"I need to go see him then. I'm sure my mom would lend money to bail him out." Yixing says as he stands up to go to his room. _It at least got him to move._ Junmyeon thinks, reaching for Yixing's arm to stop him. "Did Luhan get out and not bail Jongdae out?"

"They're out, Yixing. Kris bailed them out last night. I just wanted you to know so you could know that Jongdae is ok."

Yixing scoffs. "You expect me to believe that Luhan and Jongdae are out? That they spent time together?" Junmyeon nods. "I'm sorry, but no. Luhan is my friend but why do I feel that Luhan may have been the reason to get arrested and he got out and promised Jongdae to get him out, but left him in there instead because they don't like each other."

Junmyeon shrugs. "According to Kris, they seemed like the best of friends. And apparently are a deadly pair. They kept teasing him."

"Oh please." Yixing scoffs. "You and Kris are the most easiest targets to tease. I just don't do it that much to you because… well I had a crush on you. And if I were to treat you like I treat Kris, we probably won't be good friends anymore." Junmyeon nods as that makes sense. He's seen Yixing tease others before. Its not a harsh tease but it's teasing all the way and if Yixing were to suddenly start teasing him in any way, he'll take it seriously and their friendship might end.

"Luhan confirmed it. He came over last night with Kris to hang out for a bit and he said that him and Jongdae became close because of the vandalism. They even exchanged numbers and everything."

Yixing shakes his head. He's finding this a little too hard to believe. He just can't picture Jongdae and Luhan becoming close at all. Yet alone exchanging numbers. There's probably a hidden motive as to why they would do so. He can see Luhan apologizing and Jongdae accepting the apology, but not hang out and do something crazy together, like vandalism. "Did he say why they went vandalizing?" He asks. Junmyeon nods.

"He didn't get accepted to the school he wanted to go to, so Jongdae convinced him to vandalize the guy's house who apparently gave him a bad rep when the school's representative came over to see him play."

 _Ok. Something still doesn't add up though._ "Why did they get caught though? Luhan is a pretty fast runner and Jongdae is good at running, I don't think either of them would've gotten caught. How did they get arrested?"

Junmyeon tries to remember for a second before he answers. "Something about Jongdae's jacket or pants got caught on the fence when they tried to jump over it. Luhan came back for him to help him get unstuck but when they tried to free him, the cops caught them."

Yixing's shoulders slump. His best friend and boyfriend, or ex boyfriend, hung out together and Luhan didn't tell him anything. They're probably hanging out right now. Luhan could be falling for him right now. Jongdae is a pretty lovable guy once given the chance. Jongdae can charm anyone any way he wants. Jongdae and Luhan can probably be a great duo together. Luhan may probably never get upset at Jongdae for not telling him he loves him. Jongdae may actually even say it to him. They'll spend amazing times together. Inside and outside Luhan’s bedroom since Luhan has a high sex drive and Jongdae probably wanted sex more but never told Yixing because Yixing is not that kind of guy. Luhan will take care of Jongdae and Jongdae although may not admit it, will be cute and smiley all the time and it will be the most amazing sight to see, because Jongdae is like a beautiful sunrise that brightens up everything and Luhan will be a lucky guy. A lucky lucky guy because he has Yixing's world. Yixing's whole world and universe and more. Yixing then starts to cry. "I'm going to lose him forever."

"What? What are you talking about?" Junmyeon asks, confused as to why Yixing is starting to cry and saying he'll lose him. Who exactly is he going to lose if Jongdae and Luhan suddenly become friends? If anything it could be a good thing. Yixing won't lose his best friend and the guy he loves. The three could actually hang out and be around each other. He doesn't understand why Yixing would say otherwise.

"Jongdae and Luhan. They could fall in love with each other. I mean who wouldnt. Jongdae is an amazing guy. You fell for him, your brother did too, now Luhan. He's had his time with me, now he'll move on. He'll definitely move on after what I did to him."

Junmyeon shouldn't laugh. But he can't help it. He covers his mouth to keep from laughing but Yixing is really cute. He puts his arm around him and pulls him close. "Yixing they're not going to fall in love. If anything they may become friends but they both love you too much to hurt you like that."

"Really, Junmyeon? Jongdae has not once told me that he loves me."

"You don't have to hear it to know that he does. You feel it."

"I know that. But it's good to hear it every once in a while."

Junmyeon grows quiet. "And you think he'll say it to Luhan just because the two are hanging out together?" Yixing nods, which makes Junmyeon smile. His friend is a little innocent sometimes. He doesn't think Yixing is naive, because he's not. He just thinks a bit like a kid. When you first make friends with someone and it feels like they're your best friend in the whole wide world, but then that said friend becomes friends with someone else and it hurts because just moments ago you two were suppose to be close. Yixing is feeling that way right now. And it's a bit cute that he feels like that. But it also reminds Junmyeon of someone else. It reminds him of Jongdae.

"Listen, Yixing. I want to talk to you about something." Yixing sniffles then wipes his tears away with his thumb. Junmyeon reaches into his pocket and pulls out a small pack of tissues to hand to Yixing. He wants to ignore the look that Yixing gave him but he can't help it when it makes him feel a bit embarrassed. "I was expecting for myself to cry, not you."

"Right. What's up?" Yixing asks. Junmyeon stays quiet which makes Yixing worried because he's shaking his head no at him and repeating the word no over and over again.

"I haven't even told you yet and already you're-"

"I don't care. I'm sorry, Junmyeon but I'm done with secrets."

"It's not a secret!" Junmyeon laughs. "It's actually about Jongdae."

That perks Yixing's ears up. "What about him? Are you going to tell me about another adventure my friends had with him and didn't tell me about it?" The whole thing with Luhan and Jongdae hanging out together bothered him, so Junmyeon hopes that what he's about to tell him doesn't bother him at all.

"No. Well it's not about that, I just… wanted to seek your help on wanting to rebuild a friendship with him. Or hear things about what he's really like, since you know, you know him pretty well." Yixing stares skeptically up at him. He looks like he didn't buy it or doesn't want to buy it. Junmyeon just laughs out of awkwardness, reaching for Yixing's hand to plead with him. "I know it sounds strange but, I honestly want to be friends with him, even after everything that happened between the two of us… but I feel that there isn't anything to build on but I really want to start over with him. I'm starting to realize-"

"That he's not a fucking bad guy?" Yixing finishes and Junmyeon slowly nods his head in approval. "You're not just trying to be friends with him just because the rest of our friends are trying to be friends with him?" Yixing asks. Junmyeon could lie, but he chooses to shrug instead, because a little part of him is saying that that's exactly what he's trying to do. He doesn't want to get left out. "Well…" Yixing sighs. "At least you're being honest."

"It's not just that though. Like you said, I used to like the guy. I shouldn't have used him or seen him as a sexual object, I shouldn't have hurt him, but… I feel bad for what I did so I want to start over and be the friend he wanted me to be." Yixing appreciates the honesty. He places a hand on Junmyeon's shoulder and squeezes to get him to look up at him. Yixing smiles then points towards the direction of his room.

"I'm going to go change. In the meantime, why don't you wait outside in the backyard?"

"Uhh. Ok." Junmyeon says, getting up from the couch and walking towards the sliding door in the kitchen that leads outside, before that though he turns around to look at Yixing who is smiling at him and encouraging him to go.

"I'll be right out. Then you can buy me food." Junmyeon nods then walks out after sliding the door open. It's the same old backyard as always. A wooden backyard porch that covers half the patio, a fake glass round table with chairs all around for people to sit. Some small garden patches for different types of flowers and plants and trees to grow and something in the corner of the backyard that catches Junmyeon’s eye because he's never seen that before. Its beautiful from far away and when he walks up to it he sees almost like a medium sized bamboo water fountain with pebbles all around and green plants all around it, almost trying to hide it. It's peaceful and relaxing and Junmyeon likes the small succulent plants around as well. It gives off the whole relaxing theme but when he spots a bright yellow sunflower close to the bamboo fountain and a fake lotus flower floating in the middle of the small fake pond, he sees a picture of someone he's met before, protected by stones all around her picture, almost like a barrier cementing the picture up to see the pond and fountain clearly. Protected from harsh weathers and never bring the picture frame down because it's covered with a plastic clear container, but its kind of hard to tell.

Junmyeon sits in front of it and bows his head in respect. Yixing’s grandmother was all about respect. They didn't have to bow their heads in front of her, but she liked to tease them and play around with them, as did they, and always bowed their heads at her and called her the queen. She always laughed but she would always quickly change personality and say that whenever there was an elder around, whether they were familiar with the culture or not, they must always bow their head and be respectful to them. That stuck to all of them. Another thing that also stuck in them was the whole telling her about their day whenever they saw her. She liked to offer advice in everything but also liked to hear about everyone's days because just listening to anyone talk about it, made them feel special. It made her feel special too. Even after she was gone, the guys would all tell her about their day whenever Yixing wanted to go and see her. Sometimes Yixing came alone when he wanted to go with his friends, but when one of them or even some came, they knew the rules.

"Hello Grandmother." Junmyeon greets after a long minute of thinking of what to say to her. "It's Suho. The guardian. Like you called me." Junmyeon blushes a little, but when he looks up at her picture he frowns. "I'm sorry I haven't been visiting you. I had things going on… I know you would like to hear them, but its all over now. Except for this one thing. I guess I should tell you about that." He says. He stays quiet once again, then clears his throat to continue. "There's this boy named Jongdae, you never met him… but I want to make things right with him, but I don't know where to begin. Everyone says that he's not what they expected, and I know that, but a little part of me can't help but wonder if he'll even be interested in wanting to be friends with me when I hurt him. I don't know what to do, Grandmother. I asked your grandson for advice but I don't want him to feel used like I made that guy feel. Yixing is really hurting over that guy. I hope you can give me a hand on cheering him up. He's been lonely when he has you but I guess that's not enough. Thank you, Grandmother. I'll try to visit more."

He closes his eyes to make a wish. Something she always told them to do, and when he finishes and opens them, he smiles, spotting something in the corner of the fountain. A small plaque with her name and birthday and date of her passing, and the names of Yixing's mother and Yixing's, along with "Kim Jongdae?!"

"He was the one who came up with the idea of building something for my grandmother." Yixing says behind him, wearing a shirt now with some jeans. His hair is still a bit messy but Yixing’s always been a fan of having messy hair. He sits beside Junmyeon in front of the fountain pond thing and bows his head, closing his eyes and keeping them closed for a long second until he opens them again and smiles at the picture of his grandmother. "He didn't get to finish it or build it, but it was his idea."

"How come he-?"

"Wanted to build it for her?" Junmyeon nods while Yixing shrugs. "To be honest, I don't really know. Just that he knew how much my grandmother meant to me and wanted to build it to surprise me when I got back from the dance competition. But because of what happened, he never did. My mom got depressed and felt a bit guilty, she did it for him. I'm glad she did, it kept her occupied." Yixing says as he rips some grass from underneath him and throws it in the air. He doesn't want to throw it in the water, that would probably be disrespectful in his grandmother's eyes if he did so. "I think my mom told him that she's too far away and we can't see her often so he wanted to do it so we can be close."

"Did you guys clean out her room?" Junmyeon asks. Yixing shakes his head. She used to sleep in the room in front of Yixing's, maybe a few feet away down the hall. Everyone knew that. And everyone knew that it was hard for both Yixing and his mom to clean out that room, so it would surprise Junmyeon if they did.

"No not yet. Mom did offer Jongdae to sleep in there, but he didn't want to. He felt that he'll be a bother if he did and disrespect my grandmother. And honestly me and my mom were both ok with Jongdae sleeping in there. It didn't feel wrong at all like it felt before when we had other guests sleep over. Remember?" Junmyeon nods as he remembers. One of Yixing’s uncle had to sleep at a hotel with his family because they didn't want anyone in that room. And honestly Yixing never felt bad about it. He was actually a bit more happy that they both felt that way since his uncle didn't really care much about his mother or Yixing's grandmother he should say. "They really did well with this, don't you think? It reminds you of her."

"I thought your mom did it."

"Yeah but she took Jongdae’s idea on how it should turn out. They bought everything, they just had to put it together." Junmyeon smiles then nods.

"Yeah. I guess they did do well."

"Don't pity him or Jongin." Yixing suddenly says. Junmyeon turns to look at him to see what he means by that.

"What?"

"If you really want to be friends with him, don't do it because you feel pity over him and his brother. Do it because you really want to be friends with him. Do it because you really care." Junmyeon nods again, taking note of it. "You at least know now that he's loving towards others. Look what he was trying to do by building this. Get the idea of Jongdae being a bad guy out of your head, because he's not."

"Yeah. I see that now. He really cares about everyone, regardless of what they did."

"Exactly." Yixing nods then smiles. He's smiling at his grandmother, then whispers something that sounded along the lines of "I wish you two would've met. You'll adore each other." Junmyeon just smiles and nods as he agrees. Yixing’s grandmother and Jongdae would've loved each other to pieces. "Well let's go get me some food then, that's what you wanted right?" Yixing jokes, using Junmyeon as leverage to stand up. He groans but let's Yixing put his weight on him to help him stand, and when he's up, Junmyeon uses Yixing’s arm to get up as well. They both laugh and joke that they're getting too old and heavy for a task like that then laugh some more as they're both sure that Yixing's grandmother would scold them.

Yixing comments that he'll be back, that he's just going to lock the doors and grab his stuff so they can walk out from the backyard. Junmyeon nods and tells him that he'll wait, walking around the backyard trying to figure out what kind of plants and flowers Yixing's mother is trying to grow. He feels his phone buzz in his pocket, probably Yixing texting him to go to the front instead so he can lock the sliding door. Or maybe his brother Sehun asking where he's at or even Kris himself asking. The number showing on his screen though is unknown. It could be Sehun calling from someone else's phone or even Kris himself calling from somewhere else, so he answers it in case it's an emergency.

"Hello?"

 _"Hey. It's Jongdae. Can we talk?"_ Junmyeon has never been so nervous throughout his entire life until now.

-

When Jongdae finished the call with Junmyeon, ending it quickly as soon as he found out that Yixing was there, Saint Zhang walked in, giving a knock on the door while holding a file in her hand. She doesn't look happy, she looks serious so Jongdae turns serious too even though he's scared shit less at what the results could be. He doesn't know what to feel other than try to copy the feeling of the bravest person in front of him. Good thing him and Junmyeon made plans to meet somewhere later on so they can talk, but nothing revolves around him other than Saint Zhang and the news she's about to share with him.

"The results are out. I asked the doctor if I can be bearer of the news, unless you want someone else to do it, or call your mom in here for support?" She asks but Jongdae is quickly shaking his head no and gulping down the lump that's starting to form in his throat.

"No Saint Zhang, I would prefer it if you were the one to do so." He says, keeping his fingers busy because he's becoming really nervous and scared so his body is starting to shake. He's not even sitting down because he just wants this over with.

"Ok, honey. I'll do the honors." She says, flipping open the file to reveal the results but she doesn't look down on the file right away to see what it says, she takes his hand in hers and squeezes. "If it's positive, we don't say anything. Ok?" He nods. "We just cry and hug and then walk out like nothing. But know that we'll always love you." Jongdae nods, beginning to cry now, hoping that he gets what he wants. Hoping that everything goes well for once. He sees Saint Zhang starting to tear up as well but he doesn't reach over to wipe her eyes. He just watches her pour out her emotions she's feeling right now, the same she's doing to him. They shouldn't hide what they're feeling right now. His stomach is growing crazy with butterflies, but he holds his breath as he nods at her for her to continue. She nods back then looks down to read what it says. She squeezes his hand as she starts to read out loud.

Jongdae felt time go by really slowly only two times in his life that actually mattered. The first time him and Yixing made love to one another because it wasn't fucking, if he's being real. It was love. And the moment right now. It maters because it could change everything. He closed his eyes, wishing one more time that he's negative then opens his eyes to look at Saint Zhang.

"Kim Jongdae." She says. "Your results…" he's engraving this moment in his head so he can always remember this feeling. "Are negative."

Jongdae puffs out the air he's been holding in.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm honestly getting emo because I want to finish at 21 chapters and that's only 2 chapters away but I don't want this story to end. But honestly it may be more than 21 because at the rate this story is going and I don't want to write super long chapters and bore you all. But thank you all for being so cool about the already long chapters. ^^
> 
> Thank you to every one of you for liking, subscribing, voting, commenting, reading, glancing, kudos, hits, and everything in between. You have no idea how much in the world it means to me. It always makes my day! So thank you! ^^
> 
> Stay With Me is now on Asianfanfics! So if you’re interested on reading there, you can do so **here!**
> 
> Any questions or comments or critiques or you just want to say hi or yell at me for whatever, or just want to talk about whatever, you can do so **here.** I also give full permission for you to kick my ass for making Jongdae go through so much.
> 
> *If you're interested in messaging me on tumblr in case I don't reply to you soon, or just want to check it out, you can do so  **[here!](http://sjabe.tumblr.com/)** Its a bad edits side blog so I can't follow back, but if you want me to, let me know and I'll follow back from my main. ^^ Have a great day or night! ^^ ✌☺*


	20. Chapter 20

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh hey I finally updated! I'm so sorry everyone for taking so long to update this word dump, and I say word dump because it's basically another looonnngg filler like chapter that's a bit disappointing, but I hope it makes up for taking so long to update. Thank you for being patient with me though. Also good news, I decided to expand the story a little longer, so its no longer going to end in 21 chapters but maybe 20 something chapters as there's still more that needs to happen and I didn't want to rush things or leave things out and give you guys and Jongdae and Yixing (in the story of course) the proper ending they deserve and you guys as well. So yay! Thank you again for being patient with me and happy reading! Enjoy! ^^

Jongdae puffs out the air he's been holding in and looks at Saint Zhang with wide open eyes.

"What?"

"You're negative, hun." She says, showing him the clipboard so he can see for himself. He takes it in his hands and it's all somewhat gibberish to him, but when he sees the word NEGATIVE in text form right in front of him, in bold like letters, and in capitals no less, Jongdae laughs, a dry laugh. A dry laugh that shakes his whole body that shows amusement. A dry laugh that just makes his whole body _react_. When he looks up at Saint Zhang, he can't help but smile. She's smiling too and it's contagious so he smiles, tears welling up in his eyes as he's relieved and she's relieved too so she starts to cry as well. It's the most happiest moment Jongdae has ever felt, and sharing the moment with someone who means so much to him, it just doubles. Saint Zhang laughs a little more happier now as Jongdae laughs too, and they can't help but pull each other into a tight embrace and laugh and hug and cry.

"I can't believe I'm negative." Jongdae whispers. The weird butterfly feeling long gone but they're still there fluttering in excitement. It just makes him happier and happier, as the news settles in some more and more, that he can't help but laugh and cry. "I'm negative, Saint Zhang." He says a bit more louder now, causing her to squish him some more against her. "I'm fucking negative. Holy shit!"

"Something or someone out there loves you and is taking care of you. I honestly can't believe it either." She says as she continues hugging him. Neither of them want to pull away from each other. They won't even dare try because this moment is all about positive vibes and positive contact. And when two people are happy and are sharing the moment, they shouldn't be far apart. They should be close with one another. And although there are tears involved, they're happy tears. And Jongdae doesn't want to forget this moment ever. So he pulls away to look at the color of scrubs she's wearing, the type of hairstyle she has, the tiny room they're in, the clothes he's wearing, the shoes, the date and time and makes a mental note to write it all down. Even turn it into a song that he can sing to himself so he can remember. There are tears blinding his vision but there's a wide bright smile spreading across his face.

"I'm so happy, Saint Zhang." He says as he sniffles and wipes his tears away while Saint Zhang reaches forward, her smile never faltering either, and cups his chin to wipe the tears away that managed to roll all the way down. "I'm so relieved and happy that I can't believe that I'm negative."

"I can't believe it either. When I saw that you had Chlamydia, I panicked a little, but when I read the rest I knew you were ok."

That surprises Jongdae a lot. "I have Chlamydia?!" He yells out, taking the clipboard to read throughout the whole thing carefully since he apparently missed the part that he has it. Saint Zhang laughs a little as she shakes her head then takes the clipboard from him.

"There's possible signs of Chlamydia, honey, but some antibiotics and you'll get rid of it in no time. But for the most part you're negative, Jongdae. You're STD free."

Hearing those words come out of Saint Zhang again has Jongdae grinning so wide, it causes the butterflies in his stomach to flutter crazy out of happiness and excitement. "I love hearing you say that, Saint Zhang. The Chlamydia thing is expected, to be honest. I knew one way or another I was going to have something, but something big and life long was what had me worried, but oh my God! I'm negative!" Jongdae yells out.

"You're negative!" Saint Zhang yells back, a grin spreading across their faces. She should honestly tell him to quiet down and so should she, since they're in a hospital, but they're so so happy, they should be allowed to let that happiness out.

"I feel like those people who have been waiting days or hours for news, expecting them to be really bad but they're good. So so good and it's such a great feeling… I-I don't know what to do."

Saint Zhang chuckles, taking his hands in hers. "Tell your mom. I'm sure she's worried sick. Then after, tell the love of your life how you really feel."

"Tell Yixing I love him?" He asks.

She nods. "Tell my son you love him." Jongdae grins one more time, stepping forward to pull Saint Zhang into a hug one more time and hold her tight against himself.

"Thank you so much Saint Zhang. I don't know what I'll do without you. I love you."

"I love you too, Jongdae." She sniffles. Jongdae laughs as he pulls away from her at arms length to look at her. He wipes her face to wipe her tears away. She's genuinely happy for him and can't stop crying. "I'm seriously so so happy for you. Things are finally going to go right for you. You deserve everything and much much more. I don't know what I'll do if you were to turn out positive to be honest."

Jongdae smiles, pulls her into an embrace again, only this time tucks her under his chin as it rests on top of her head, and rubs her back. "I think rebel misfit me would hate myself because I think I won't be able to get away from you or him."

"And I think I'll hate myself too for letting you stick around." She adds, her voice breaking a little for crying.

Jongdae shakes his head then kisses the top of her head. "Nuh-uhh. I won't let you. You'll be the coolest mom ever for letting me stick around and I'll make sure you know that." Saint Zhang smiles up at him then pats his back to get him to let go of her. If anyone were to walk in to ask them to keep it down and they see the two hugging, they could get in trouble. Jongdae understands that so he steps back and wipes his eyes. He had a few tears left to shed, and when he walks out to go find his mom, he doesn't really want anyone to know that he's been crying or they'll assume that he heard bad news. "Saint Zhang."

"Yeah?" He notices that she's been wiping her face too and he smiles, stepping forward to reach for her hands.

"I want you to come out with me and meet my mom. It would mean the world to me if you did." Saint Zhang widens her eyes a little at the suggestion, which makes him laugh. "Please Saint Zhang, I want you to tell her the great news and I want you there to share in the moment too."

"Honey, I don't know if i-"

"Pretty please?" He asks, giving her his best puppy eyes. When she groans, he laughs because he knows he got her.

"You and your puppy eyes… ugh. Fine. I'll go out and meet her." She seems uninterested in doing so, but Jongdae knows that deep down she's curious.

"Yes!"

"Next time don't use your cute puppy eyes on me ever again. It's a weakness." She says as she steps towards the sink to wash her hands. Jongdae just sits on the bed to wait for her to finish, laughing as he reaches for the clipboard to reread the word NEGATIVE over and over again. He also thinks about the whole Chlamydia thing and if Saint Zhang says it's treatable, he trusts her and believes in her word.

"I can't make any promises." He says while Saint Zhang grabs a paper towel and wets it to clean her face. She wets another and cleans the area around the sink to make sure the room is clean while Jongdae waits. "I called Junmyeon while waiting." He speaks up.

She stops as she froze upon hearing that then looks at him. "What did he say?"

"He was with Yixing when I called. We made plans to meet up." He adds, swinging his legs back in forth now as he watches them swing in front of him. Saint Zhang knows about the situation with Jongdae and Junmyeon, and she honestly doesn't know how to feel about it. She can't pick a side because it would seem a little unfair. They both hurt each other badly, and she knows them both. She knows Yixing was in love with Junmyeon for years, but what Yixing feels towards Jongdae is very real. What Jongdae and Junmyeon have gone through personally does not compare to one another at all. She knows that they both got hurt from it differently, it doesn't matter that one situation is bigger than the other, or isn't bigger than the other, it's something that no one should pick a side on but have the two of them work it out themselves. And that's what she wants for the two of them so her reaction is to best not react much to it at all. Its hard though when Jongdae looks up at her and looks amused.

"What?"

"You don't know how to feel about it, don't you?"

Saint Zhang sighs, throwing her paper towel away to sit beside him. She hands him the other paper towel she wet for him so he can wipe his face clean also. "Honestly no. I just think you two need to talk about what happened between the two of you. Or not talk at all, but just make up."

"I guess we can do that. I mean, Luhan and I became friends pretty quickly even though I was sure that I was going to hate his guts for a lifetime."

"You and Luhan became friends?" That's surprising since she was sure that the two would never become friends at all. "When did this happen?"

"Last night when we got arrested."

"You got arrested?" She almost yells out. Jongdae just laughs out loud and leans his head on her shoulder, wrapping an arm around her. She probably thinks that the two got into a fight and got arrested for it, that would explain his somewhat busted lip and scratches here and there.

"Kris bailed us out. Don't worry. It wasn't anything big. Just… vandalism on the guy's house for picking favorites." Saint Zhang just looks at him very seriously which makes him laugh out loud and press her tight against his side. He explains the situation on how Luhan had to have a different coach by his side to represent him instead of his own in case of favoritism, but the coach did just that by giving Luhan a bad review, so Jongdae wasn't going to let that slide by. "It was honestly kind of fun. We really became friends over that."

Saint Zhang just smiles then pats his arm. "I'm glad. I guess that just leaves Junmyeon?" Jongdae nods then repeats the question to answer. "I'm so happy for you Jongdae. I seriously am. I don't know what to say or do to prove it, but I'm just so glad you'll be OK from now on. I don't know what would happen if we lost you. If Yixing _lost_ you. Including your brother. But I know that here on out you'll be OK and loved by many." Jongdae smiles, reaching forward to wipe her tears away. She groans a little, complaining about crying again, but saying that she's crying out of happiness, Jongdae nods and pulls her into a hug one more time.

"Thank you." He whispers, closing his eyes to give all of his love out towards her while he gains all of her love towards him. He kisses the side of her head, starting to pull away now so they can leave, but when he feels her arms still around him, he automatically hugs her back and waits for her to pull away. He doesn't mind, he realized that he likes hugging people, something he wasn't really aware of or even into doing before. Now he just wants to hug as many people as he can, hold their hands, especially towards those that he really cares about and care for him. He can't wait to show Yixing just how much he cares and loves him.

When they finish and walk out, they walk out hand in hand, with Saint Zhang's arm crossed with his. They're walking towards the waiting area, Jongdae finding his mom sitting on the other side of where they were originally sitting. She seems happy. Jongdae knows why, but when she looks up and sees her son walking out with a nurse in tow, she frowns, and he knows that she's starting to think of the worst. So he smiles at her, reassuring her that it's nothing bad, but she doesn't get the hint because she's standing up and looking right at him only.

"Jongdae…"

"Mom. I have someone I want you to meet." He says, carefully removing his arm away from Saint Zhang's. She seems a little nervous, Jongdae finding it a bit cute, but he knows that she's only nervous because Saint Zhang spoke a little ill towards his mom. She just wasn't happy with the way his mom treated him. Said that his mom wasn't a real mother if she kicked Jongdae out and treated him like a dump. Jongdae at the time didn't care. He was just glad that he wasn't living in her home, and that he got to meet Saint Zhang and got to know her a little more. So he knows that she feels bad on what she said especially when his mom happens to have terminal cancer. She feels horrible about it, but his hand reaching for his mom's and holding on to Saint Zhang's hand and smiling at the two of them, they have nothing to feel bad about. They both love him the very same way. "Mom, this is Saint Zhang. Saint Zhang, this is my mom."

-

Yixing remembers the day him and Junmyeon hung out together and he saw it as a date. He remembers how Junmyeon looked, how happy he felt being around him, how he wanted more but knew he would never get it because Junmyeon was in love with someone else. Is _still_ in love with someone else. Now the tables have turned in a way. Now Yixing thinks that no one can compare to Jongdae's beauty. Junmyeon is really good looking but picturing Jongdae sitting in front of him with the weird lights around them, he knows Jongdae would still look beautiful. He knows he'll be laughing and having a good time if he was there, while with Junmyeon, he's trying to have fun, but really he just wants to be at home and cry about how badly he misses Jongdae.

Junmyeon took him to some sports bar restaurant so he can order his favorite hamburger, but Junmyeon doesn't know that hamburgers remind him of fast food, which reminds him of Jongdae. Still though, he orders a giant glass of Sprite, extra fries and his favorite burger because Yixing likes burgers and he's glad that his friend remembers that small detail about him. But really, he sort of wishes that they went to go get some pizza instead. The place is loud, the opposite of what Yixing really wants right now, but appreciates that Junmyeon is thinking the opposite of what Yixing wants. If they're somewhere quiet, Yixing knows he will grow upset, if they're somewhere loud, then maybe Yixing will grow loud too and possibly change his mood.

"I heard somewhere that they're thinking of opening up a bowling and arcade and karaoke and I don't what else kind of place here for older kids and adults. We should go sometime." Yixing looks up at Junmyeon and smiles a little. That does sound like fun but he rather- "We could bring Jongdae along too. I'm sure he'll have lots of fun there."

"Jongdae?" _Ok? Why did Junmyeon mention Jongdae?_

"Yeah." Junmyeon nods, leaning forward so Yixing could hear him better and doesn't have to talk so loud amongst the noise. "I'm sure Kris and Luhan could convince him to come if we go." _Oh._ That hurts Yixing a lot, he's not going to lie.

"Umm I don't think he'll come if he knows I'm going." Junmyeon smiles then shakes his head, sitting up straight to reach for Yixing's hands to take in his. He doesn't care what the other people around them would think.

"You think that now, but I'm sure you and Jongdae would be OK by the time the place opens up. You could convince him to come too." Yixing stares at him, finding a bit of hope in his eyes to believe in that, but the idea that he didn't really or couldn't convince Jongdae to come back home, kills him. Kris was the reason, not him, so how could he convince Jongdae to go with them to this new place if he couldn't do that. He pulls his hands away and leans all the way back in the booth, both arms tucked away underneath the table so Junmyeon can't reach. "You still think that Jongdae didn't want to come back, don't you?"

"I don't think so, I know so. A little part of him didn't want to come back because it was me asking him. How could I convince Jongdae to come with us to this place if i failed to get him to come back home?"

Junmyeon sighs then leans forward. "Yixing, listen to me. I don't know if Jongdae told you, or even Kris, but when Kris found him, he found him at the mall and he looked bad. Really bad. You said it yourself that Jongin and Jongdae see Kris as a higher up, like an older brother or as a dad. They respect him. I know you really wanted to be the one to bring him back but think about it this way, if it was you, would Jongdae really come back? And I mean really think about it. Would you want him to come back no matter who was able to convince him or would you want him to stay? I know deep down you really wanted him back. I know it hurts a little that it wasn't you, but really, would you have preferred it that he stayed or that someone else brought him? Really think about it. And isn't it good that it was Kris? What if it was Luhan or me? Do you think he'll come back if it was any one of us? I honestly think that we would have pushed him to leave or do something worse, if you ask me."

Yixing hates it, but Junmyeon has a point. If it was Yixing, there was a 50/50 chance of Jongdae coming back. He may come back with him or Jongdae would get angry and disappear. Especially if Jongdae saw him with Luhan. If it was Luhan or Junmyeon, Jongdae wouldn't even give it a second thought, he'll disappear or do something worse. With Kris, he probably didn't even give it a second thought at all. And just thinking about Jongdae staying longer, doing what he had to do, thinking about what people said or did to him, it makes him sick. He reaches for his glass and starts to drink to settle his stomach.

"I'm sorry about this Yixing, but I really think that if you were to see Jongdae in the state he was in when Kris found him, you wouldn't do a very good job at convincing him to come back."

Yixing nods, because its true. "I know. I just…"

"Wish that it was you?"

"Yeah." He whispers, starting to mix the ice cubes in his drink with his straw. "If it was me and he saw me with Luhan, he would probably run away from me, and the thought of him running back to that place, it hurts. It makes me sick." His mind slowly starts to wander off to that memory. Where Jongdae walked out of the room and Yixing was sure that he saw marks down Jongdae's back. Marks he didn't have before. Marks that looked painful. He physically shivers to erase that memory, to get himself to think about something else that isn't about people hurting Jongdae.

Junmyeon nods. When Kris told him everything that happened, Junmyeon felt sick as well. He felt bad too. "Do you sometimes blame me?" He suddenly asks. Yixing looks up at him to see what he means but Junmyeon is looking down at his own drink, squeezing the tip of his straw hard.

"What do you mean?"

"I mean… I know Jongdae told you what happened between me and him. Did you ever think, because of me, maybe Jongdae is the way he is? Maybe I'm the reason why so many bad things happened to him? Did you ever think like that? And be honest. I don't mind at all." Yixing looks down without answering, so Junmyeon frowns as he takes his silence as his answer. "So you did."

"No. I Uhh…"

"I mean, I know not all of Jongdae's problems are based on me or that I'm the root of all his problems I should say. I just… what if I was a better friend to him? Maybe he wouldn't have gone through so much. That's how I feel. I don't want to make things right with him because I feel pity towards him. I want to make things right because it's the right thing to do. I mean, during the sleep over I know he wasn't comfortable with me being there but he still made out with Sehun and he knew that if I were to say something to him about it, he'll deal with it _himself_ and not involve you at all. But because I didn't say anything, he kept his distance and I kept mine. There's some weird sense of honor and loyalty there. He kept his word and space to make you happy and because after what happened between us, we would always keep away from each other, and he kept doing that throughout the sleep over. He didn't use the opportunity to continue where we left off. He was just away. The whole thing with Luhan was surprising as well because he made _him_ apologize to _you_. I didn't even know what Luhan was up to until he pinned him down and made him apologize. He's a good guy, but I feel because he didn't have a friend, all these things happened to him. Because I chose not to be a friend to him, I hurt him the most in a very different way."

Yixing stays quiet for a long time. He sees Junmyeon frowning and looking down at his drink, feeling horrible about himself, but Yixing doesn't make an effort to comfort him. He honestly never thought about Junmyeon being the reason why so many things happened to Jongdae. He did wonder, on how things would be like of Jongdae and Junmyeon became friends, but wondering is not the same as thinking. "I did wonder what would have happened if you and Jongdae were friends. You two would have become the best of friends and maybe you and I would have never met. You and Kris would probably not be together, and I wouldn't be here being sad and thinking about Jongdae. I thought that maybe you two would have ended up together, but no matter what, the whole situation about his mom, and Jongdae trying to find a way to help her and help Jongin, would happen no matter what. I don't blame you. I never have and never will. I just wonder, and it's selfish, but I'm glad you and him never became friends. But now that you're trying, maybe you two will have a great friendship after. It seems like that's what you really want."

Junmyeon looks up then nods. "I do. I just… I feel like I had to ask you on how to approach him. This whole thing with his mom though, it feels…"

"Like it's not the right time to talk about personal relationships with him?" Yixing suggests. Junmyeon nods then looks down. He honestly doesn't want to tell Yixing right now about plans with meeting up with Jongdae to talk. The whole idea of them going out to eat was to hang out and get Yixing's mind to wander somewhere else instead of towards Jongdae, but since Junmyeon showed up to Yixing's house to talk about Jongdae, he's doing a really bad job.

He decides to clear his throat then make small talk. It would at least lead somewhere else. "So have you thought about doing the dance competition all over again or you're just going to quit?" Yixing shrugs. He hasn't really thought about it. He feels horrible about the way things happened during the dance competition but he's honestly not in the mood to even think about anything like that when he feels a little lost. He's also going to be going to college as soon as high school is finished so he's not really thinking about being in a dance competition kind of mood.

"I don't even know. I don't feel like dancing lately."

"That's really surprising to hear. You eat, sleep breathe, dancing. So I guess you're not going to be in the seniors performance?" Yixing shakes his head, throwing the paper that covered the straw in front of himself. He kind of doesn't want to look up at Junmyeon so he's trying to seem distracted.

"Are Sehun and Jongin doing OK? I mean with me not dancing with them?" He asks. Junmyeon shrugs then laughs a little out of embarrassment for not really knowing.

"I know they're doing something, but I don't think Jongin is going to be involved much, you know… because of his mom."

"Right." Yixing answers, playing with the small paper from the straw. "If he does decide to join last minute, he'll pick up the choreography in no time." He adds, still avoiding eye contact with Junmyeon.

"Yeah." Junmyeon laughs. "It's crazy how he's good at that. It's really crazy how him and his brother are really talented. The mural you and Jongdae worked on is really good. And Kyungsoo always says how well Jongdae sings. It's just a little funny how one of them is a dancer and the other is a singer." Junmyeon says, that made Yixing crack a little smile.

"Jongdae used to say that Jongin never even needed to take dance classes at all. It helped him improve a little, but dancing just comes naturally to him. While Jongin used to say that his brother doesn't need singing classes either because he just has a natural voice made for singing. When I mentioned to him that Jongdae never really sang in front of me, he grew sad. He said that maybe the music he had in him faded away, and that saddened me so much, I would try to sing in front of him or even danced to get him to sing along but he never did. I think Jongdae's talent is there and he's good but… I think someone crushed his dreams."

"I think working so hard to keep Jongin's dreams going, he forgot about his. Did he ever tell you what he wanted out of life?" Yixing finally looks up at him but only to show that he's surprised with the question. He shrugs then looks back down, feeling a little ashamed for not really knowing what Jongdae wants most. They never really talked about it.

"He just mentioned that he'll work, like two jobs, so he can save up money for Jongin to go to college."

"He's not going to college?" Junmyeon asks. Yixing shakes his head, a frown probably making its contour permanently etched onto his face by now. "Why not?"

"I don't know, Junmyeon. I never asked him." Yixing closes his mouth and just stares at the strip of paper in front of him. "Now that I think about it… I feel like I was never a good… whatever… to him." The word whatever makes Junmyeon frown. _Why would Yixing refer to himself as whatever when he was clearly Jongdae's boyfriend?_

"What do you mean by _whatever_? Aren't you and Jongdae together? Like boyfriends?" Yixing shakes his head to answer, Junmyeon's eyes going wide and leaning forward to sort of yell but not really yell out loud for the whole restaurant to hear. "You two are not together?! But… what? Why not? We all thought that you two were together-together!"

"Nope." Yixing says, popping the p. He's playing with the strip of paper, rolling it in between his fingers and once again not looking up at Junmyeon. "I never officially asked him and he never really asked me. We just sort of happened, and at the time I didn't care I thought it was a good idea, but now…" Yixing trails off, even stopped playing with the strip of paper, only for it to get crushed together in his palm.

"Now what, Yixing?"

"Now, I feel like maybe I wasn't being a good partner? To him. Now it feels like I just wanted nothing but physical intimacy with him. I feel really shitty about that now. Maybe the reason why he even said yes to me was because he figured that out first? What if he thought that I only wanted to sleep with him and and… Junmyeon!" Junmyeon immediately gets up from his seat and sits beside Yixing to pull him into a hug. He regrets taking Yixing out of the house. The way Yixing cried out his name just now, it sounded like a cry for help, it scares him that his friend thinks like this, but he can't do much but just calm Yixing down, take him home, and meet with Jongdae to talk. He knows deep down that Jongdae never thought that way at all. But telling Yixing that right now will just cause him to break down some more. "What if what happened to him when he left was because of me? What if the reason he decided to sleep around with so many people was because he thinks that's what everyone wants from him? Junmyeon, I can't… I just can't… what if he thinks like that? I can't Junmyeon. I don't want him to think like that at all. He needs to know that I love him and that I love him for real. That people love him for him and not because of what he looks like or is into. But because he's his own person and no one can change that. Junmyeon…"

Junmyeon nods, gulps down the knot in his throat and just holds Yixing tighter. He feels like a really bad friend right now for causing his friend to break down, but after the break down, there's beauty and maybe this is what Yixing needed to feel ok again. "I know, Yixing. I know. I'll make sure to let Jongdae know that. For now… just let it all out. Ok?" Yixing nods, as he holds onto Junmyeon's shirt tight and buries his face into his friend's shirt. He just cries silently and is glad that Junmyeon no longer cares what other people say or do or think about him holding his friend. If it was the other way around, Yixing thinks that he'll quickly convince Junmyeon to make a run for the door so they can do this in private.

"It must be nice to have someone tell you how brave and great you are. I wish I would've done that with Jongdae." Junmyeon doesn't ask but he knows that Yixing is referring to Kris. Junmyeon used to care what others thought about him. Being with Kris changed that a lot, so he knows what Yixing means by his statement. He holds his friend tight and reaches over for some napkins so Yixing can wipe his eyes. When Yixing takes the napkins and is sitting up straight now, it seems like he's ok now, only needed to cry for a little to feel ok again.

"You ok?" Junmyeon still asks, making sure that his friend is alright now. Yixing nods but then shakes his head. Junmyeon understands what he feels. "You're OK but you're not really ok, right?" Yixing nods, a smile gracing Junmyeon's face. "I shouldn't have made you go out, I'm sorry Yixing."

"Don't worry about it. It's fine. Its what I needed. At home I wasn't eating or drinking or anything. I wasn't even crying, this oddly helped." Junmyeon laughs then reaches over for more napkins to hand to Yixing who takes them all and laughs. He whispers a small thank you to his friend, Junmyeon nodding as he reaches over again, this time for his drink.

"You don't really think that way, do you?" Junmyeon suddenly asks after taking a swift of his drink. Yixing looks up at him, then looks down at his hands as he nods. "Why, Yixing? You know you were the best you could ever be to him."

"I know."

"Then why do you think that way? You got him to open up in so many ways, got all of us to at least be OK with him, how could you think that you weren't good to him?"

"That's the thing. I don't want to be good, I want to be better. When you asked me that question, I panicked because I didn't know, and all I could think about was me and him and constantly hugging each other, touching each other, and… there was probably no communication between us. And that… I can't believe that we didn't communicate at all." Yixing keeps looking down at his hands while Junmyeon looks down at Yixing's hands as well. Junmyeon's body is blocking Yixing from everyone so Yixing feels comfortable and not watched on by the other people eating around them or passing by. His body is also turned towards Junmyeon's while Junmyeon is sitting forward, blocking Yixing in the booth by making sure Yixing has the wall behind himself and Junmyeon between him. For the first time he felt vulnerable and being in between makes him feel safe.

"I think you're mistaken, Yixing. Out of everyone you were the only one that was good to him. And not just good, you were better. And if you think there was no communication at all between the two of you, how did you two get so far then? There are going to be things that you talk about and things that you don't. Talking about the future between two people is something that doesn't happen much between so many people, you don't even know. You two are barely in the beginning stages of a serious relationship. You two also happened so fast, you two decided to just jump on things instead of talking about it, it's good but it's also good to keep in mind that no matter how long a relationship may be, there are always going to be new things you will find out about each other. You shouldn't feel bad about it, Yixing. You know deep down that Jongdae would've loved to talk to you about a future, but because he had his own personal problems going on, and never had anyone to show him the right healthy way to be with someone, he doesn't know. And you didn't know either. There are going to be things that you'll regret and he'll regret but just know that after talking about it, everything would turn out ok. And with Jongdae, you know it will take time, so just stay patient with him like you always have and he'll come around. Trust me." Yixing stays quiet as he looks up at his friend. His chest swells up with this sense of calmness and pride, he reaches for Junmyeon's hand and gives it a squeeze. He feels much better now, feels glad that he wasn't locked in his room all day and that the guy he once used to be so in love with is taking care of him and giving him strength for when he sees Jongdae, or decides to go to Jongdae, he can be a strength that Jongdae may not know that he needs.

"Thank you, Junmyeon. I don't know what I'll be doing at home right now if you didn't show up." Junmyeon just laughs then shakes his head.

"I should be thanking you. You were always there for me when I wasn't there for you, now I want to repay you, and make things great with Jongdae as well."

"I miss him so damn much, I just keep thinking that any little thing I did or didn't do its my fault, but… I feel like he's trying to make things right with everyone first to make me happy, make things right before he makes things right with me? Is that weird?" Junmyeon thinks back on how Jongdae called him and made plans to meet later in the week. He shakes his head no nonetheless to answer Yixing.

"No. Its not weird. Sounds about right." Junmyeon says, their order getting out just in time before Junmyeon could add anything else. He moves back to his spot on the other side of the booth, asking Yixing if it's alright first, thanking the waiter that brought their food, then quickly digging in, Yixing moaning out in satisfaction as to how good the burger tastes after 2 days of not eating much.

"It's so good, I could cry." He says, stuffing another bite into his mouth. Junmyeon just laughs and shakes his head in disapproval, reminding Yixing of his mother.

"I honestly don't know how you can go through two whole days of not eating anything. What would your mother and Jongdae say? You could've easily fallen into starvation like that."

"Nothing. They'll probably order two more orders of hamburgers and fries, possibly add a shake as well. Besides I wasn't really starving myself. I ate… some… things." Junmyeon just laughs as he watches Yixing almost inhale the whole burger, grabbing some fries to stuff in between bites somewhere.

"You should really do a senior performance of you eating like this on stage. It will be unforgettable. And some things is not food!" Junmyeon yells out. Yixing just arches his eyebrow at him and reaches over to steal one of Junmyeon's fries for even suggesting a dumb idea like that, then getting mother like on him. Junmyeon just let's him after a sigh and a head shake in disapproval, he then smiles because his friend is slowly becoming himself again.

-

"And what would you like?" The kind waitress asks Jongdae, as he looks at the menu trying to seem like he's trying to figure out on what he really wants to eat, when he's been craving a burger and fries all day.

"I'll have the cheeseburger and fries, please." He says, closing the menu up and handing it to the waitress as she finishes writing his order down in her pad. Saint Zhang invited both him and his mother out to late lunch as they were all starving and hospital food is gross sometimes. So they headed to a diner down the street from the hospital to eat and talk a bit more comfortably. They haven't really talked seriously, just introducing each other, the reveal of the big news, and the happy tears all three of them shared when Saint Zhang announced that he's negative. She mentioned the possible signs of Chlamydia that had his mother worry, but when Saint Zhang mentioned the medications Jongdae needs to take and what he needs to do, she sighed in relief. Jongdae sighed in relief as well when he saw both Saint Zhang and his mother hugging each other, and holding each other's hand when the news were revealed. He honestly thought that they were going to be awkward with each other.

"And you, ma'am?"

"Will it be weird if I order a salad and a side of kids size nuggets?" Jongdae's mom says as she makes everyone around the table laugh. He reaches for her hand and squeezes it, telling her that it's not weird at all while Saint Zhang nods as she agrees. "Then I'll have that."

"Great. And for you?"

"The same as him, just add a shake for me." Saint Zhang says, making Jongdae gasp out loud and look at Saint Zhang with narrowed eyes.

"I want a milkshake as well." He whispers.

"We can replace your coke with a shake. Is that ok?" The waitress asks as Jongdae nods and Saint Zhang laughs. During the week Saint Zhang stayed home with Jongdae, they both liked to do health smoothies or shakes but because Jongdae preferred shakes with lots of weird toppings and ingredients, Saint Zhang had shakes all week instead of healthy smoothies like she originally wanted. Now every now and then she indulges herself with a small shake or frapp from the cafe nearby. The waitress repeats the orders one last time to make sure she got everything right before leaving, and when they all confirm that she's correct she smiles at them and gives them an estimate on when the food will be ready. They all thank her watching her leave, and as soon as she's gone, Saint Zhang leans forward and smiles at Jongdae.

"She was so checking you out." Saint Zhang says quietly, only for the three of them to hear. Jongdae's mom laughs out loud then nods as she agrees.

"Seriously?" He asks, not believing them but when they're both nodding at him, confirming that the waitress was indeed checking him out, he can't help but blush a little. "But… Yixing." He whispers, both mothers starting to coo at him and lean towards him to pull on his cheek to tease him or poke his cheek. He just sits there patiently and waits until they're done. "Oh mom. I almost forgot. Are you OK? Do you need to go to the hospital for cleaner air? Should I call grandma and Jongin and tell them where we're at?" His mom places her hand over his and shakes her head, a beautiful small smile on her face.

"I'm ok, sweetie. I don't honestly have to be hooked up on that thing so much. I just do it for Jongin's sake. I can breathe ok here." Jongdae slumps in his seat, as if relaxing, then sighs in relief.

"Are you sure?"

"Yeah I'm sure. Thank you though." Jongdae smiles then turns his attention to Saint Zhang. He didn't think it would be awkward at first, but now he's starting to sense some awkwardness between his mom and Saint Zhang. He stays quiet to think about what to say, but just ends up clearing his throat and getting their attentions on accident.

"Sorry. I…" He trails off then looks over at Saint Zhang. He then smiles at her and turns to look at his mom. "Can you believe that she's actually the first adult human ever to actually be OK with me having tattoos." He comments. His mom seems to become interested by that.

"Really?"

"Yeah. Yixing brought me to the hospital to meet her, and she didn't seem disappointed or told me that I made a huge mistake for having tattoos." He says excitedly hoping to get his mom to perk up. Since she has some tattoos as well and always got told that a "beautiful young lady like her shouldn't have tattoos," she kind of figured that everyone out there thinks the same way, meeting someone who thinks the opposite is rare for her. Rare for him also, so mentioning that Saint Zhang is ok with tattoos might get his mom to open up a little with Saint Zhang like it did with him.

"Wow. You must be the first person then that is actually ok with them. Do you have any tattoos of your own?" His mother asks Saint Zhang. Jongdae smiles as Saint Zhang blushes a little, shaking her head no at her.

"No I don't. I mean, I wanted one growing up but I think it was just a phase. Now that I'm older I think they look great on other people, but not on me so I'm kind of glad that I didn't get one done."

"Oh."

"What did you want to get done, Saint Zhang?" Jongdae asks, as the two of them fall into awkward silence again. He's starting to think that maybe Saint Zhang and his mom, won't get along or grow close liked he hoped. Like he thought the great news would bring them together once it was announced.

"A star… around my ankle or on my wrist somewhere."

"A star? Wow! How come you wanted a star?" He asks, watching his mom from the corner of his eyes to see her reach for her drink and drink from her straw but still pay attention to what Saint Zhang is saying. _At least she's trying._

"I don't know, to be honest. I just always liked stars. When Yixing was born I really wanted to get it done because he was my little star, but now… eh." Jongdae laughs out loud at that while his mom just smiles. She suddenly asks about Yixing, making both of them surprised but Jongdae realizes that his mom is just curious about him, especially when her son is in love with Saint Zhang's son. She talks about Yixing's childhood and why she wanted the star tattoo to represent him, and it was because Yixing has always been a star. He always danced, and would sing, just needed a stage that would suit him well. She talked about how Yixing would sometimes cry whenever she had to leave for school and leave him alone with his grandmother, and talking about leaving a son behind for their grandmother to take care of them brought memories to both Jongdae and his mom, but his mom was the one who got emotional about it while Jongdae tried to not show emotion at all.

"I'm sorry. I don't know what came over me."

"It's ok." Saint Zhang says, handing some napkins to his mom so she can wipe her tears away. Jongdae just sits silently, watching the two. He doesn't know what to do anyway other than rub his mom's arm as she continues wiping her face.

"I guess in a way, both your son and my son are a lot alike, just that he had an amazing mother and Jongdae got stuck…"

"Don't say that." Jongdae whispers, Saint Zhang nodding along. "Please don't, mom."

"I'm sorry, hun, but you know it's true." His mom cries, wiping her tears away but finds it pointless when she continues to cry. Jongdae just shakes his head as he _really_ doesn't want to hear it. Especially with Saint Zhang there.

"We're already past that, mom. You know we are. You know how I feel about it too. That even though it hurt, I always loved you because you're my mom." He says. He's still rubbing his mother's arm, when he feels a touch on his arm he jumps a little, realizing that Saint Zhang is trying to comfort him because his voice broke a little and there are tears welling up in his eyes. "Damn it. It was suppose to be a happy time." He whispers, a smile at the end that Saint Zhang matches with him.

"It's an emotional time, you know that. It's need to be let out." She says to him. Jongdae understands, giving her a small nod, turning his body towards his mom so all of his attention is on her, including his hands over hers to get her to look up at him.

"Mom. Tell us what you really feel. Or tell me what you really feel, or if you want you can even tell Saint Zhang as well. She doesn't mind. Just let it all out." He then turns to Saint Zhang and reaches for her hand as well. "You too Saint Zhang. I know since we got here you two have been awkward with one another and I don't want the two of you to be. I wanted the two of you to be happy and maybe be a little close but I know that I won't always get my way, but if you two at least talk it out, I'll be fine with that. I'll even leave if you want. Just please, the both of you, let it all out." Both his mother and Saint Zhang share a look then look at Jongdae. They both nod but they don't tell him to leave at all. In fact they both squeeze his hand, letting him know that he can stay and when he squeezes their hands back, he let's them know that he'll be right there for whatever they need. His mom decides to go first and he smiles at her, proud at her for wanting to speak up first.

"Umm… I don't even know where to begin."

"Just speak from the heart. Whatever is in there. Good or bad. Just let it out." Jongdae encourages. His mom nods then clears her throat, still holding on to her son's hand.

"Ok. Umm, I know I've been a bad mother to him. I chose my other son when I should've chosen Jongdae as well. When I heard that my son's father was dead I immediately grew worried about Jongdae. When he came to me and he was all bloody and beaten up, and still won't tell me why, and we talked, I was the happiest mother ever. I didn't deserve him accepting my apology at all. I actually expected him to just leave and walk away. He would accept my apology and that would be the last I would see of him. I wondered about the perfect mom out there for him. Or any mom in general. And for a while she didn't exist. She was just a fragment of my imagination. She was the mom that took Jongdae in. The mom that took care of him. That cooked for him, that loved him and accepted him for who he really is. That mother wasn't real until Jongdae mentioned that she was in fact very much real and that you were it. When Jongdae mentioned that he met you and that you took care of him and never saw him differently, I grew jealous and I knew that I officially failed as mother to him. I wanted to meet you, and now that I have, I can't help but say thank you and please continue looking after him." Her hand suddenly gets held tight coming from Jongdae's side while a new touch is over her other hand coming from Saint Zhang. They're all crying now, but neither Jongdae or Saint Zhang break the atmosphere. They just let her continue.

"Please continue watching over him, because you're the real mother Jongdae needs, deserves, probably wanted for a long time, he just doesn't want to hurt my feelings by admitting to it." From the corner of her eyes she can see Jongdae shaking his head no repeatedly, but he still won't break the atmosphere or speak up about it. "I'm dying. I'm sure he told you. I don't want to let him go because I _just_ got him, I want to spend all my time with him, but if anything happens, please watch over him? I know he'll listen to you. He loves you like a mother and I know its asking for much, but please love him like one of your own, I mean I know you do, but please make sure that he knows that. It would mean the world to him and to me. I'm happy he's negative and I don't know about your son much but I'm glad Jongdae had or has someone like that in his life. Thank you for accepting Jongdae into your son's life and into yours. It's a blessing and an honor getting the chance to meet you. Thank you for what you done. I don't know what I can do to show you just how thankful I am for doing what I should've done in the first place."

"Mom…"

"You don't have to do anything at all." Saint Zhang says as she stands up from her seat and pulls his mom into a tight hug. They hug really tight and cry, while Jongdae sits there quietly using his fingers to wipe his tears away. He sniffles and as soon as they're done hugging, he hugs his mom as well, taking a bit more longer than the previous hug that was shared. When they pull away he whispers I love you to his mom who whispers it back. "I promise I'll watch over him and I swear I already love him like a son, it was hard in the room telling each other what we'll do if he was positive, but please know and always keep in mind that you'll always be his mom. I'll never replace you, you'll always be his number one mom. Always, always, _always_. He may have five other moms before me but you'll always be number one to him. No matter what happened between the two of you, no matter what you did or didn't, he'll always see you as a mom and always love you. And I know you love him and your other son as well, but please at least try getting help for them. I know there's a big chance that everything will be alright. It's scary, but I know you want more time with the both of them, and just keeping that in mind should be more than enough for you to at a least try. I'm not saying you should, but at least think about it. Do it for them." Jongdae nods at her giving her hand a squeeze. His mom just smiles but at least agrees that she'll think about it. Words that make Jongdae so happy, he gets up from his seat so fast, dropping the chair over and pulling his mother into a hug, kissing the top of her head, not forgetting Saint Zhang also.

When he sits back down and puts his chair back and apologizes for dropping his chair, Saint Zhang continues with her feelings as well. An emotional roller coaster ride for both Jongdae and his mom on how Saint Zhang didn't like his mom at all and admitting it to her, on how she thought about taking custody on Jongdae, even for a short while, maybe even suing his mom for what she did to him but at the end deciding against it because she would just be another person in Jongdae's life that would hurt him and she didn't want to do that at all. She saw that Jongdae loved his mother no matter what, and if she were to tell him that she's thinking about suing his mother, she would just be another person that Jongdae won't trust anymore, and she likes being someone that Jongdae can trust, seeing how very rare he has trustworthy people in his life. She mentioned that she wasn't sure on how to feel about Jongdae and Yixing together at first but later grew to accept it because Jongdae wasn't a bad kid at all and that the two of them are really in love with one another. And by the time they finished, their food magically arrived a long time ago and was probably now cold. They still ate it anyway.

"So, Jongdae, tell us on how you're planning to tell Yixing the big news?" Saint Zhang asks, which makes him blush because just a few minutes ago they were crying and are now focusing on him and Yixing as if they never cried or were not crying just moment ago.

"I uhh… I don't know. Go over and talk to him? Tell him everything."

"Come on, kid. You can do way better than that." His mom says, stealing one of his fries. Saint Zhang nods as she agrees.

"I don't know what to do other than that."

"You could sing to him?" His mom suggests, Saint Zhang's eyes going wide at that as she likes that idea so much.

"Ooh yes do that! You could sing to him in the senior show." Saint Zhang suggests, hitting the top of the table in excitement. Jongdae laughs out loud at the action but the idea of singing to Yixing in the senior show, in front of people, is making him nervous. "You should do it so I can hear you sing as well."

"Yeah. And so can I. I mean I hear you sometimes sing to Jongin so he can go to sleep, but I mean finally see you sing on stage."

Jongdae frowns, tightening his lips into a tight line. "I don't know. I never sung in front of anyone before. Especially on stage to a crowd of people."

"Not even Yixing?" Saint Zhang asks in surprise, lowering her milkshake glass down as she was about to take a drink of it.

Jongdae shakes his head. "Not even Yixing. I think I did sing something in front of him once. And I remember singing something for his dance competition, but never really in front of him."

"Then you should definitely do it." His mom says, reaching for his hand to squeeze to encourage him to do it.

"Yeah. I'll even get Yixing to go. Or do you want me to talk to him?" Saint Zhang asks. Jongdae shakes his head but then clocks his head to the side.

"He's not going to be in the seniors performance?"

"No. He doesn't feel like dancing much lately." That saddens Jongdae so much but also gets him to make a decision right away.

"Ok I'll do it. If you can get Yixing to go, I'll go up on stage to sing for him, just don't tell him that I'm going. It should be a-"

"A SURPRISE!" Both Saint Zhang and his mom squeal out together, while Jongdae sits there laughing out loud. _I hope it's the best surprise ever. Just wait a few more days, Yixing. I'll make it up to you. I swear._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I just recently found out that my story was featured in one of the tumblr's fic rec blogs and that's just *a million shocking emojis here* I don't know who to thank, what to say or even do but wow!!!! Thank you so so much. Lol it would explain why I got a ton of readers out of nowhere, but I really do hope you're enjoying the story so far. If you're not, let me know. We can discuss, lol. Thank you to every one of you for liking, subscribing, voting, commenting, reading, glancing, kudos, hits, and everything in between. You have no idea how much in the world it means to me. It always makes my day! So thank you! ^^
> 
> Stay With Me is now on Asianfanfics! So if you’re interested on reading there, you can do so **here!**
> 
> Any questions or comments or critiques or you just want to say hi or yell at me for whatever, or just want to talk, you can do so **here.** Seriously, come talk to me.
> 
> *If you're interested in messaging me on tumblr in case I don't reply to you soon, or just want to check it out, you can do so  **[here!](http://sjabe.tumblr.com/)** Its a bad edits side blog so I can't follow back, but if you want me to, let me know and I'll follow back from my main. ^^ Have a great day or night! ^^ ✌☺*


	21. Chapter 21

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ugh another long word vomit/filler like chapter. I'm sorry you guys I really am. I hope you enjoy though. ^^ Things should start picking up and heading towards the ending in the next update. Thank you! ^^

During Monday morning, when Yixing was sitting outside the lunch area, with a bag full of mini donuts, Yixing hoped that Jongdae would show up that day. He looked around at the different people that just arrived at school, spotted different students he's sure he's never seen before until now, but none of them were wearing a leather jacket or carrying a skateboard or anything that symbolized Jongdae. None of them were wearing head to toe black, none of them had tattoos or facial piercings like Jongdae, and none of them _were_ Jongdae. When the bell rang for the first class, he decided to look again later. Maybe Jongdae was coming in late. After his first class finished and students had to go to their next class, Yixing was lucky enough to have free period. He once again went to the outside eating area where him and his friends hang out at, and decided to write down some notes from his history book so he can prepare for his final exam.

By the end of next week he was going to be a free man. Him and his friends were going to be high school graduates, except for Kyungsoo, Tao, Jongin and Sehun. Jongdae could be free as well, but if he's not showing up, then he could repeat the year again. Yixing is not even sure if Jongdae is done with school in general, but he hopes that Jongdae at least shows up for finals. He also hopes that Jongdae at least showed up today. He just wants to see him. Even if it's briefly, he just wants to see if he's doing ok. He pulls out his pen and notebook out, opens up his history book and decides to start taking notes, but those notes turn into small little heart doodles with a 7 and a lower case Y beside it, remembering the tattoo Jongdae showed him that represented him. The only notes he's taking are lyrics or song titles that are playing from his phone of songs that make him think about Jongdae. He just misses him so much, but he's not going to show it. He got the chance to let it all out with Junmyeon, he's not going to let it all out during school.

He let's out a sigh and looks up, sees both Jongin and Sehun walking over to the lunch area, both talking animatedly about something. When Jongin let's out a roar of a laugh, Yixing can't help but grin. _It's nice to see Jongin so happy again._ Jongin was miserable when Jongdae was gone. He wouldn't laugh or smile or anything, now that Jongdae is back and it seems like he had a good weekend with his brother and mother, Jongin is nothing but laughs and smiles, pushing Sehun away out of joy. Something Jongin does when he finds something so funny. He tends to hit or push the people who made him laugh, away. The only person Yixing has seen that Jongin doesn't hit even if they made him laugh out loud, is Jongdae. Once again he sighs for thinking about Jongdae, he then looks down at his phone as it vibrated as he got a text, reaching forward for his phone to read it.

 _He's not here._ It reads. The message coming from Tao. He tightens his lips into a line and hopes that someone else has good news. When he's about to put his phone down, his phone vibrates twice. A message from both Baekhyun and Kyungsoo.

_He's not here today. He didn't show up._

And…

 _I don't see him. Sorry, Yixing._ He sighs and sets his phone down. He doesn't want to ask the two of them to search because they're at a choir gathering with all the choir kids from school. They're going to be busy, but he knows that if any of them see him, they'll text him. There's still lunch time as well, but Yixing is sure he got his answer already. When Sehun and Jongin get closer, he looks up at Jongin with big hopeful eyes hoping Jongin will give him better news. Jongin just looks down and shakes his head.

"He's not here. He stayed home with mom. Sorry."

Oh. "No, don't be. It's ok. I expected it, to be honest. He finally has the chance to spend time with her, of course he's going to spend every second with her." Yixing says, starting to scribble all over the heart doodles so Sehun and Jongin can't see, too late though because Sehun saw.

"What's 7y?" He asks. Yixing just stops and closes his eyes. He remembers when Jongdae showed him. Remembers that Jongdae pulled his pants and boxers down to reveal it. Remembers what he told him. Remembers his thumb tracing over it. Remembers what happened after. He wants to cry. He wants to cry. _He wants to cry._ But he's _not_ going to cry. So he swallows the lump forming in his throat and looks up at Sehun to answer him.

"A tattoo he got of me."

"7y?"

"It's a heart with 7y in it. Heart, which means love. 7, the lucky number, and Y for Yixing. He's 13j. He thinks he's 13 because it's the worst bad luck number ever, but really it's actually lucky number 13 and J for Jongdae."

"Oh. Cool." Sehun says trying to sound interested but really doesn't know how to act in this situation, Yixing doesn't really pay too much attention to what he said though anyway. He just keeps scribbling out the different heart shapes with his number in them. "Are you getting a tattoo done also? I mean getting the 13j." Yixing looks up at him. He's thought about it. His mom would kill him if he did. Jongdae would kill him if he found out that he did also. He wants to, he might, he will, but he can't.

"He can't. He has that blood coagulation thing remember?" Jongin answers him. Sehun looks a little mortified for forgetting, quickly apologizing to Yixing.

"Sorry. I forgot. I just figured that if Jongdae got a tattoo done, I thought so would you, like a couples thing. But I guess he just did it to do it."

Jongin then turns to Yixing, to really look at Yixing. "He doesn't know does he?" Jongin asks. Yixing shakes his head and proceeds to look down at his notebook. "How come you didn't tell him?"

"I didn't think it was a big deal. I mean, it's not a big deal. I could get it done if I wanted it to."

"You're not getting it done at all!" Jongin yells out. "You were thinking of getting it done, weren't you?" He asks. When Yixing stays quiet, they all know the answer. "You were seriously going to get it done? If Jongdae found out, what do you think he will do if he found out?" Yixing doesn't answer, just shrugs. "He'll flip out, that's what he'll do. He'll hurt knowing that you've hurt yourself in that way. Do not get this done. You hear me? If I find out that you're getting this done, I'll tell him." Jongin yells out. Sehun then puts a hand on Jongin's shoulder to get him to stop, realizing that Yixing is crying now. The paper is getting wet with his tear drops, the blue ink of the paper reacting to it, mixing in with some parts of his black ink pen. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to yell at you. I know you're hurting, I just don't want him to get hurt anymore. He's happy, Yixing. He's really happy. I know he misses you… my hyung is just too dumb to admit it sometimes."

"It's ok. I'm happy he's happy. I just… I want to see him. I just want to see for myself how happy he is. I also want to have something that shows that he's really loved and I thought getting it done was it. Please don't tell him anything. Ok? I swear I won't get this done." Jongin doesn't say anything for a long second, neither does Sehun but they both nod and agree, not really liking the idea of keeping things from Jongdae, again, but when Yixing mentions that he'll tell him, they sigh in relief.

"Are you going to the senior's performance on Friday?" Jongin asks trying to change the atmosphere and topic. Yixing groans, Jongin takes it as something that the others may have asked him already.

"No. I don't know. I don't think so. Why does everyone keep asking me that?"

"Well you're a senior, and it's a show for seniors and their families, like a farewell gift and good luck out there from the school. We figured you'll go."

"I don't think so. I know you'll be performing, Sehun but I just-"

"I'm going to be performing." Jongin interrupts. Both Sehun and Yixing look over at him, both sharing a similar expression on their faces. "So, my hyung, mom, and grandmother are going to be going too."

"You're going to perform?" Yixing asks. Jongin nods, a smile on his face.

"It will be the first time that my brother actually gets to go to one of my performances with my mom being there. I was going to stay home that night, but I really wanted to perform for them and grandmother, so I just went and asked the guys if I could join and they said ok, so I'll be performing and my hyung will be there watching." For the first time, Yixing looks hopeful. Sehun looks relieved and Jongin just smiles knowing very well why Sehun is relieved. Jongdae told Jongin that he'll be in the performance show but made him promise not to tell Yixing about it. Jongin told the dance team that he'll be joining in last minute so they can have the excuse of Jongdae showing up and Yixing showing up as well, he told his friends about it and when Jongin opened his mouth to reveal that Jongdae will be there, Sehun really thought that Jongin would reveal the surprise. He doesn't want an angry Jongdae going after him if he finds out that Yixing found out.

"So are you going to go?" Sehun asks, looking through his phone to seem casual.

"Do you think he'll talk to me if I do?" Yixing asks, mostly to Jongin. He nods so Yixing nods after as well.

"Yeah I guess I'll go. My mom might finally get to see him also." He says, a small smile forming on his lips at the idea of finally seeing Jongdae and talking to him.

 _He's going._ Sehun texts then puts his phone away, starting a whole different conversation, mainly about owning a pet and what's an ideal pet for him but Yixing and Jongin ignore him as Yixing is curious as to why Jongin's and Jongdae's grandmother will be going to the performance.

~

"Did he text back?" Baekhyun asks. Kyungsoo looks up the steps of the town's theater to look at the person standing at the top. He gets an ok hand sign then smiles.

"Yeah, he's going."

"Yixing is going to flip." Baekhyun comments, reaching for his water bottle to take a sip. Kyungsoo agrees, pulling out his phone to check his messages just in case someone else texted him. They're at their choir gathering with all the levels of choir classes in the school coming together to rehearse for the senior's performance, but also put on some performances around town. Most of the choir kids will be performing with a couple of performances from the dance team, and a couple of bands will be there too. But most importantly, Jongdae will be there, and everyone is going to be surprised about that.

"So how good is he at singing?" Baekhyun asks, sitting down beside Kyungsoo. Kyungsoo just smiles, paying attention to Jongdae who is about to sing in front of all of the choir kids. _For the first time ever._

"You'll see." He smiles.

~

Jongdae sighs as he sits in the passenger side of the car. He's really nervous. Really afraid too. But also wants to laugh out loud because he's sitting in the car with Luhan, and it's funny because he never thought that he will be here. Luhan offered Jongdae a drive to Junmyeon's house as soon as Luhan finished the school day. He gets out in the middle of the afternoon lately and since Jongdae only went to the choir gathering today and Junmyeon didn't go to school because he had to do something at home, Luhan offered to take him, offering Junmyeon a ride as well so they can eat lunch together. In a way Jongdae is glad that Luhan is going to be there. He doesn't think he'll make it if it was just him and Junmyeon, but at the same time he's regretting calling Junmyeon up so they can talk.

"You'll be ok. He won't eat you. I didn't eat you, did I?" Luhan asks, turning the air up in his car a little.

Jongdae looks over at him then laughs. "I think it was more the other way around. You were afraid that I was going to eat you."

"Shut up." Luhan tells him, making Jongdae laugh but lean forward and clutch his stomach. "That's what you get! How could you go all day without eating? That's bad for you." Luhan tells him, lowering the volume of the music down. Jongdae looks up at him to glare but Luhan is oblivious to his stare.

"I've gone way longer than this. Trust me, this is nothing." Jongdae says, rubbing his stomach as the nervousness in his stomach won't settle down. When he gets nervous he gets stomach aches. "I'm just really nervous."

"What is there to be nervous about though? I'm here, and honestly Junmyeon is harmless. He's like a fish." Luhan says as he looks over to see if Junmyeon is coming but there's no sign of him. He looks over at Jongdae, noticing that Jongdae is looking at him with an arched eyebrow. "What?"

"A fish? Really?"

"Well I would've said bunny, but we both know those little fuckers can be vicious."

"Maybe you're just bad with animals in general." Jongdae comments, removing his snap back to push back his hair. He kind of wants to remain mysterious. Or maybe come off as a familiar face so Junmyeon's family won't see that he's going off with some bad people if they see Jongdae and his tattoos. Luhan told him that it was very unnecessary but since Jongdae does have history with Junmyeon and he's sure Junmyeon might have mentioned it to his family, Jongdae is very much so choosing to remain very mysterious.

"I'm very good with animals. I'll have you know that I have a cat of my own, thank you very much."

Jongdae just looks at him as if he can't take him seriously at all. "Oh wow. A cat. Are you sure you own the poor thing, or it owns you?"

"Fuck you." Luhan says as he shoves Jongdae away, making him laugh.

"You know you keep saying that but you don't do it. Are you afraid that my feline features will dominate your ass?" Jongdae jokes but Luhan is playing the silent treatment game with him now. "I'm serious about the feline thing. I was raised by stray cats. I'm pretty sure my dad was a fucking stray cat too. I mean look at me. Don't I look like a cat?" Luhan then bursts out laughing, looking at Jongdae like _he_ can't take him seriously.

"What are you talking about?"

"Don't I look like a cat?" Jongdae asks but Luhan just laughs and shakes his head, checking to see if Junmyeon is finally coming.

"I guess. Your mouth does make you look very feline like. Why are you bringing it up?"

"I've been checking myself out a lot lately in the mirror, I couldn't do so for years. I would just look and see me and say fuck you to my reflection because I was disgusted with myself. Now I just look to see if I look anything like my dad." Luhan looks over at Jongdae. Jongdae is looking down and playing with the back of his cap, every now and then running his fingers on the plastic part. For the first time, Luhan sees Jongdae and really thinks that Jongdae is beautiful and actually a human being. He thought of him as attractive before, and sometimes cute, he also thought that Jongdae was some sort behemoth for believing in the rumors that were said about him and his reputation that made Jongdae seem like the bad guy, but Jongdae just sitting there in the passenger seat playing with the snap back is very comforting to him. Very cute, and very unmonster like. He's wearing simple clothing but yet he looks good. Looks like someone that could only be found in magazines. Luhan touches his shoulder and smiles at him.

"What do you say now?"

"Damn. I look good." Jongdae answers, both of them laughing out loud. "Jongin is still handsome as fuck though." He adds after the laughter dies down.

"Yeah, he'll forever, always, be the best good looking KimJong brother." Jongdae suddenly shoves Luhan's arm, as Luhan laughs, grabbing onto his arm to rub on the spot Jongdae just shoved. "You know what? I'm glad we're friends, or becoming friends, but I still won't hurt Yixing. Not again, so don't expect any fucking any time soon." Jongdae looks over at Luhan then laughs out loud. Luhan is a bit surprised but smiles as he knows what's coming next.

"Ok good. Glad we settled that. It would probably feel weird getting fingered by you anyway." Luhan shoves Jongdae, who laughs out loud and tries to press himself closer to the door to get away from Luhan who is now leaning forward and hovering over him to hit him. Jongdae just continues laughing as he tries to shove Luhan back to his seat. When they finally see that Junmyeon is coming out, they finally stop messing around. Jongdae starts fixing his hair and hat while Luhan checks himself out in the rear view mirror. It will probably look really suspicious but Luhan has always been good at hiding things, and Jongdae is no different.

"Finally! I thought you were never coming out."Luhan says, starting the car to pull out of Junmyeon's driveway. When Junmyeon is seated and the door is closed, Luhan drives, putting his music up a little and glancing over at Jongdae to see if he's still nervous. He sees him sitting up really straight and looking ahead, his leg bouncing up and down in desperation. "Jeez. You two could at least say hi to each other."

"Oh. Right. Hi, Jongdae." Junmyeon greets first. He's kind of glad he's sitting in the backseat by himself.

"Hey."

"I almost didn't recognize you. I thought you were someone else." Junmyeon adds, secretly hoping he's not crossing any lines or boundaries.

"What do you mean?" Luhan asks for Jongdae.

"I saw you guys from my window. Jongdae was wearing his hat, I thought it was Yixing for a split second." Luhan and Jongdae share a look, but it was just that. Jongdae didn't really react he just wanted to see how Luhan would react, but it seemed like he had the same idea as well.

"Sorry. I shouldn't mention-"

"No. Its fine. I just… didn't know that I looked like him." Jongdae replies. Luhan looks over and smiles, glad that Jongdae is speaking up.

"Well from the way you were looking down and I could only see your mouth, it sort of looked like Yixing's."

"Yixing is not a stray cat." Jongdae whispers, Luhan heard him but Junmyeon didn't, asking him what.

"Jongdae thinks he's a stray cat. Just mumbled on how Yixing is not." Luhan repeats again, looking over at Jongdae to gauge his reaction.

"Oh. Sorry?" Confusion evident in Junmyeon, but Jongdae just laughs out loud then turns in his seat to look at Junmyeon. He sort of freezes in place but looks at Jongdae, because he's showing signs of trying and Junmyeon should be trying too. It's what he wanted anyway.

"Don't you think that I look like a cat? From my mouth I mean?" Junmyeon gulps then shrugs. He would _really_ look but he doesn't want to because Yixing wasn't the only one who thought about Jongdae's mouth. Those feelings are long gone, but there's always a chance that they were just buried. One little look and things could change.

"Jongdae! Sit fucking straight. You're blocking the side mirror!" Luhan yells out, shoving Jongdae back in his seat to sit right. Junmyeon silently let's out a sigh of relief, but answers Jongdae anyway, now that it's easier with Jongdae not looking at him.

"You do sort of have kitten shaped lips."

"You think so? See I told you! Fucking stray cat!" Jongdae yells out, smacking Luhan's arm in between. Luhan just smiles and smacks Jongdae back, raising the volume up of the music a little. It's really shocking to Junmyeon on just how well the two of them are getting along. They hated each other. Everyone thought that they'll end up as enemies and when Kris told him just how well the two got along and how quickly it happened, he didnt believe him, now seeing it with his own eyes, he's sure no one else will believe him either unless they witnessed it themselves. He now owes Kris an apology, but he doesn't want to think about that right now because he's entranced with the way both Jongdae and Luhan are like with each other. They seem close. As if they've known each other for years, teasing each other, hitting each other, but deep down knowing that they're not really doing it to hurt one another. That's just how their friendship works. Junmyeon can't help but wonder if him and Jongdae would be like that if they actually did become friends. Now that he's trying, would it end up like that or will it be totally different? He can't wait to find out.

"Oh! I forgot to ask. Where are we heading? Pizza? Chinese? Burgers?" Luhan offers more options but Jongdae seems to be making faces at half of the choices Luhan is providing, which earns him a threat that Luhan would hit him, but Jongdae just laughs and points at Junmyeon.

"Ask him. I'm ok with whatever. Just… please no burgers or chinese." He says, a frown on his face. Luhan smirks, there's probably some hidden meaning behind it but Junmyeon doesn't ask. He does agree though.

"I don't want hamburgers either. I got some with Yixing last night." He mumbles, Jongdae looks over at him for a split second from the rear view mirror but quickly turns his head to look out his window. He figures it out and feels bad about it. Yixing and Jongdae share Chinese food and burger memories. Now Yixing and him share burger memories as well. It also happens to be a shared memory between the three of them when Junmyeon and Yixing hung out and ran into Jongdae at his work. "How about seafood?" He suggests.

"Ok. I can go for some sushi."

"He said seafood, not sushi!" Jongdae howls with laughter. Luhan reaches over and smacks Jongdae in the arm for laughing at him but Jongdae just blocks it and smacks Luhan back.

"Sushi _is_ seafood, dumbass. You're just saying it's not because you never had it before."

"Yeah you're right. I never had it before, and what? Is there a problem? But I know for sure that sushi is _not_ seafood. Who's the dumbass now?"

"No. There's no problem. And ok fine. You're right. It's not seafood, but you'll like the seafood kind of sushi. Come on and pick, you'll like it."

"Ok then take us!"

"I will!"

"Fine!"

"I'm starting to think that you two could be long lost brothers or cousins." Junmyeon comments as he laughs at the two of them from the backseat. When Luhan turns to look at him there's some fear in the air as the glare from him was not normal.

"Haha! He just called you a freaking stray cat!" Jongdae teases but when the glare is directed at him there's no sign of fear anywhere. "Hurry up Stray cat! We're hungry."

"I rather be a stray cat than share riches with you."

"You're just afraid that I'll waste all that money and turn you into a stray after."

"Yes I am." Luhan admits. "Yes I am." Junmyeon just laughs and shakes his head, glad that he's sitting in the backseat by himself, that way neither Jongdae or Luhan can hit him when he starts teasing and joking around with them.

-

Luhan can't help but take pictures and record video of Jongdae's reaction towards the sushi place they went to eat at. He also can't help but record the eventful reaction of Jongdae's first time eating sushi. He tells him he won't post it online or send it to Yixing but that he'll send it to Jongin so he can see his brother's reaction, but Jongdae doesn't like it. He doesn't want Jongin to show anyone, especially Yixing, and he doesn't want Jongin to get mad at him for eating sushi when Jongin probably hasn't tried it either.

"He has. We took him once. You're the only one who's left." Luhan tells him, getting his camera ready as a large platter of sushi was placed in front of them and Jongdae couldn't help but look at the food in amazement. 'You're the only one who's left' starts ringing in his head. Jongdae looks up at both Luhan and Junmyeon. The very two people who Jongdae never pictured ever being around with, are now here with him buying him lunch and laughing towards his reaction at being in a sushi place. The very two people who hurt him and he's hurt back are now here with him, waiting for him to take his very first bite of the food. It kind of scares him, thinking that he's out and about with the enemy and any second now something will happen to him, but waiting for it is useless. _'You're the only one who's left.'_ He hears in his head over and over again and Jongdae knows that they're not trying to be the enemy and hurt him. They're really being genuine with him and he can't help but take that as a way of them finally accepting him into their group.

"If I eat this, I'm in?" Both Luhan and Junmyeon share a look of confusion but nod at him anyway. Jongdae doesn't want to explain so he sighs, preparing himself because for some reason he's expecting it to be spicy, opens his mouth wide because Junmyeon said you're suppose to eat it whole instead of in bites, shoves the roll in his mouth and starts to chew. Both Luhan and Junmyeon seem to be holding in their breaths and when Jongdae's eyes go wide and he let's out a satisfying noise that the food fits his taste buds, both of the guys laugh as Jongdae reaches for another roll, this time doesn't hesitate on eating it.

"That was kind of cute." Luhan says, saving the video in his phone and putting it away so they can start eating. Jongdae glares at him for a second until he starts to chew and starts to smile.

"I'm not cute. Shut up."

"Oh you're right. I'm sorry, Mr. Punk rock kid, sir." Luhan does a small salute at him while Jongdae laughs then flips him off. They eat in silence, Jongdae looks around as he likes the colors and atmosphere around the restaurant, while Junmyeon and Luhan seem to get lost in their own world. Jongdae decides to interrupt, this time with a question in mind.

"So I guess I'm part of your guys' clique then?" Luhan and Junmyeon both look over at him, both having very different facial expressions on their faces. Luhan seems a tad bit confused while Junmyeon understands now on what Jongdae meant before.

"That's what you meant before?" Jongdae nods to answer Junmyeon. "Then yeah, you're now officially part of the group."

"Oh I get it now." Luhan comments while Jongdae snorts at him. "Honestly I think you became official when you started dating Yixing, it was just a matter of us accepting it." They grew quiet once again but Jongdae is nodding his head as he let's it sink in. He wants to ask why they didn't do so in the first place but he knows why. He just wants to know why they chose to believe rumors instead of getting to know him, but the way things went with Junmyeon he knows why Junmyeon would believe lies, Jongdae told him himself on what he wanted to do.

"If I didn't tell you about looking for a drug dealer back then…" Junmyeon looks up as he knows Jongdae is talking to him. "Would you have still believed in those rumors about me?" He asks. Junmyeon doesn't answer. Jongdae understands because it's something that really needs to be thought about. If Jongdae didn't tell him what he was doing, would he still have believed the other kids? And without hesitation he nods. He's going to be honest, and if Jongdae didn't tell him, if Jongdae chose to not do so but the rumor was spread, Junmyeon would believe the others.

"I was really ignorant back then, I kind of think I still am, but honestly I would've believed them no matter what." Jongdae accepts the truth. He slinks back in his seat and crosses his hands in front of himself and stares down.

"What's the biggest rumor you heard about me? And be honest." Luhan and Junmyeon don't understand what Jongdae is trying to do or where he's trying to go from there but they indulge him anyway.

"Honestly the biggest one I've heard was that you killed a man." Junmyeon widens his eyes in surprise that Luhan would even tell him while Jongdae just laughs out loud. He quickly places a hand over his mouth as recently he's been told that it's impolite to laugh out loud in a restaurant from his two moms, especially with food still in his mouth, then clears his throat and acts like he's done nothing. He smiles though, his lips curling at the end, showing them that there's no possible way that a guy who looks like him is capable in doing so. Knowing him a little now, they know he's not capable in doing so. He's tough and has gone through a lot and a lot of people have hurt him, but Jongdae knows the difference between right and wrong. Even when people hurt him, he forgives them and knows that no matter what they don't deserve whatever was done to him. "But really looking at it, the only time I ever seen you come close to 'killing a man' was at the bridge."

Jongdae smiles as he remembers what happened at the bridge. Luhan and Kris were both impressed with him, especially when Jongdae was able to disarm one of the guys, then proceeded to beat the crap out of him along with the others that interfered. Luhan and Kris weren't going to let Jongdae do all the fighting either so naturally they joined too. When they finished and called the police, they were able to go home with scratches and bruises and blood stained clothes and maybe a new respect for each other. Junmyeon almost forgot about that. Maybe that's why Luhan and Jongdae are close to each other, not because they got arrested but because they fought together and who knows what happened or what could have happened that day. They probably saved each other's lives and it's the biggest reason why they got along so quick. It makes Junmyeon a bit jealous that he didn't get to go, but maybe it's for the best. He has that chance now.

"Now that you sort of know me, do you still think I'm capable of doing that?" Jongdae asks. Luhan answers right away, turning it into a joke to make Jongdae laugh but Junmyeon chooses to stay quiet. It's not because he thinks Jongdae is capable of doing it. It's because he _knows_ Jongdae would do it. And that is his answer.

"I think you're capable of doing it."

"Junmyeon!"

"No it's cool." Jongdae tells Luhan, even has his hand up to stop him. "I would like to know why you think that."

Junmyeon nods, but won't look up at Jongdae at all. "I think you'll do it if it had Jongin or your mom or grandmother on the line. Even Yixing. I know you won't do it if they asked you to do it, you'll do it if they're in danger, that's why you kept things from your brother because you were afraid of what they will do to him. You're a good guy, it's taken me so long to realize that, but you're also the guy that will do anything for your loved ones and that includes taking the danger yourself instead of having them go through it as well." Luhan thinks about that, his hand going to his chin to hold it, reminding Jongdae of some character on TV. 

"You know what? Now that you mention it, you could've left me and Kris at the bridge. You could left me in jail when we got arrested but you stayed with me. You're slowly starting to include us in that list of yours, aren't you? You're pretty loyal, Jongdae." Luhan says, that now has Junmyeon nodding along as well, while it makes Jongdae start to blush.

"I'm not that-"

"But if you still want us to think of you as Mr. Punk ass kid, don't worry we will." Luhan adds. Junmyeon smiles while Jongdae glares at him but starts to slowly laugh about it.

"You're horrible, stray cat." Jongdae says, reaching for his drink while Luhan laughs, gets up from his seat and sits beside Jongdae to press him hard against his side and sort of shake him a bit. Jongdae can't see anything with the way Luhan has his arms around him, but laughs out loud anyway, glad that Luhan is sort of muffling his laugh.

Junmyeon sits and watches and smiles at the two of them. He wants this. He wants to be friends with Jongdae and include him in everything. He wants Yixing to be happy and Jongdae to be happy and be themselves, especially around everyone instead of hiding what they're feeling. He wants to make things right with them. Especially make things right with Jongdae. When Luhan finally let's Jongdae go and goes back to his seat, Jongdae speaks up about going to the restroom since apparently Luhan squished him too hard and now has to use it. Luhan laughs and points towards the direction he should go to use it while Junmyeon gets up and tells him he'll go with him.

"Isn't that a little weird?" Luhan asks.

"If it's all three of us, then yes it will be weird." Jongdae tells him but secretly he does find it weird going with Junmyeon because they haven't really been alone with each other. He still follows Junmyeon anyway as he let's him take the lead. He's also so glad he has his snap back still on. Even though it's around lunch time, there are a lot of people there and he doesn't feel comfortable making eye contact with anyone right now. So he follows Junmyeon with his head down, passing by two Japanese dragons that apparently lead towards the restrooms. At the end of the hall there's a cherry blossom painting, catching Jongdae's eye, making him stop to look at it. Junmyeon stops as he notices that Jongdae stopped, asking him if there's something wrong.

"No. They're just nice to look at."

"Yixing says the same thing." Junmyeon says, turning around to go into the restroom. Jongdae doesn't move, he just stays quiet and thinks about Yixing. He misses him. He can't wait until Friday to perform in front of him. For once he could get everything he wants. He's living at home with his mom and Jongin and now his grandmother, even if it's just for a month, he could get Yixing back after Friday, Saint Zhang has officially declared herself as his other mom while his real mom approved. Everything is going well, he just doesn't know if Yixing will actually take him back or not. He doesn't know what Yixing feels at the moment. It's chewing him up that Junmyeon is the only one who knows when he should know too. Then again, Yixing doesn't know what Jongdae feels either.

"Is he ok?"

"Sorry?"

"Yixing. Is he ok?" Jongdae asks again. Junmyeon comes closer to Jongdae now. They're going to have the talk under the cherry blossom tree painting. Better than the restroom he supposes.

"He's... he broke down at the restaurant yesterday. He just misses you a lot. Thinks that you'll never take him back. But he's trying to be strong."

 _Right._ Jongdae nods once. "I miss him too. I just had to take care of some things first but I'm planning something for him, just promise not to tell him anything?" He asks, Junmyeon without hesitation nods. This is his chance to prove to Jongdae that he can be trusted and be a friend to him. "Your brother and my brother already know, and I guess so do Baekhyun and Kyungsoo since I saw them today, and I guess Luhan as well since he did pick me up today-"

"Jongdae!" Junmyeon laughs. "Just tell me already."

"Sorry. Umm… I'm going to perform in the talent show thing."

"You mean the senior's performance?" Junmyeon asks, Jongdae nods. Junmyeon's eyes widen on that. He can't believe Jongdae is going to perform in front of everyone all for Yixing. He never did do it before because he had stage fright. _He probably overcame that fear._

"I'm scared shit less, but I want to do it for him. I also want to do it for my mom and grandmother and Jongin as well. They never heard me sing, except for Jongin, but he thinks that lately I haven't been singing and it saddens him. Anyway, that's what I've been doing lately and I was wondering if you could help me out in it." If Junmyeon wasn't surprised before, he definitely is now. Jongdae wants his help. He'll do everything he can to help him, but first he's going to talk.

"Umm Jongdae?"

"Yeah?" He reaches for Jongdae's hand then drags him to some bench the restaurant had close by the dragons and makes him sit. He remains standing while Jongdae is sitting, looking up at him. He doesn't know where to begin. He should have thought about it some more but he can't keep using any little thing as an excuse to not talk to him. He needs to do it now.

"Jongdae, I-"

"I'm sorry too."

_What?_

"Well actually, I'm sorry first. I hurt you pretty bad. I shouldn't have hurt you like that. No one should get told they're wrong just for being who they are. If you're into guys, you're into guys. That's cool. In the end I did turn up falling for your best friend, didn't I? I shouldn't have judged you at all, and I'm sorry. I wanted to make things right, that's why I called you, but I didn't know how to get it out there, and it seemed like you wanted to get it out there as well, I just cheated and said it first." Junmyeon smiles. He then laughs then shakes his head and sits beside Jongdae now. It was easy as that. They could've become friends a long time ago if he knew it was this easy getting it out there. The hard part will be if Jongdae forgives him or not.

"I-I don't know what to say other than I'm sorry that I even used you in the first place. I'm sorry for being a crappy friend to you when that's all you wanted, I'm sorry for calling you names, believing the rumors about you and even spreading them some more. I'm sorry for everything I've ever done. I really mean it."

"You spread rumors about me?" Jongdae asks but it makes Junmyeon laugh out loud, telling him that it's not that important right now.

"I didn't start them, I just talked about them some more when I shouldn't have. I'm sorry, but I swear I didn't start them. I… I should've been a friend to you. I asked Yixing if he ever blamed me for that, he said no but deep down I felt that if I was a friend, then maybe you wouldn't have gone through so much. I started to feel guilty, I still do, and one of the reasons why I went to see Yixing was for advice on you, I wanted to approach you and talk to you but I felt that you weren't interested in being near me at all, and when you called I was so surprised, I didn't tell Yixing about this of course, but I… I'm so sorry Jongdae. I really am. I hurt you and Yixing as well. I should've been ok with you and Yixing since the start."

"But you werent." Jongdae speaks up. Junmyeon thinks that maybe Jongdae will tell him something about it. Like a confrontation, but it's not like that at all and once again he's surprised with Jongdae.

"What do you mean?"

"You weren't ok with the fact that your best friend was interested in me. You had a crush on me, apparently you still had it or maybe you were jealous, I don't know, I'm not good at these feeling things, if you were OK with it from the start you wouldn't have felt that way. And it's ok that you were feeling like that. At the time you weren't sure about your status with Kris, you were upset that I was going to take your friend away. I would've been too. In the end I did take him away, sort of, but you never confronted me about it or anything. You weren't ok with us being together but I appreciate that you didn't come between us like _some_ people."

"Hey!" Luhan suddenly yells out as Jongdae laughs. Junmyeon jumped a little as he wasn't expecting to see Luhan there at all.

"What are you doing here?" Junmyeon asks, Luhan comes over and sits in between the two of them. The small bench could barely fit two people, but Luhan must think he's some sort of lap dog thing, trying to squeeze himself in but ends up sitting more on top of them than in the middle.

"I came to see if you guys were ok since you two were taking forever. I started to think that maybe you two started throwing hands at each other." Jongdae laughs out loud as he finds it strange that Luhan used "throwing hands at each other" while Junmyeon laughs out of embarrassment.

"No. We'll never do that. Besides you think I'll go after Jongdae when I know he's capable of kicking my ass?"

"I don't know. You can be kind of scary when you're angry." Jongdae silently adds. Luhan roars in laughter as Junmyeon blushes. "Sorry. I meant-"

"It's ok. I get it. All is forgiven."

"He's right though. You can be scary when you're angry." Luhan adds after. Junmyeon suddenly pushes him off and stands to go to the restroom. He asks Jongdae if he's going to go with him, getting a nod in return. Jongdae helps Luhan up, telling him that's what he gets. "Whatever. So you and him are good now?" He asks.

Jongdae nods. "Yeah. I think we will be."

"Good. I told you he was like a fish. He's harmless."

"I'm gonna go tell him you said that." Jongdae tells him as he quickly turns away and heads towards the hallway to head to the restrooms. Luhan's expression quickly changes into fear as he runs after Jongdae to stop him.

-

Yixing doesn't get to go home in the middle of the day like Luhan does. Junmyeon didn't show up that day, no one knows why other than Sehun who claims his brother had a doctor's appointment or something of the sort. Kris had to meet with some school representatives so he can play college basketball. Minseok had the same thing going on as well only with soccer. Chanyeol had band practice, Baekhyun and Kyungsoo had their choir gathering that ended in the middle of the day as well and were welcome to go back to the school, but they decided to stay out and head to lunch together with the group. So that only left Jongin, Sehun and Tao but they were all busy with their dance performances for the senior's show Yixing didn't want to intrude, even though he's the captain of the dance team. He just doesn't feel like dancing lately and he's not going to barge in the dance room and demand to know what's going on when he has no right to. So he just goes home.

Thanks to Jongdae and showing him how to ride the bus now, that's all he takes. Luhan used to give him rides everyday after school and they would hang out. He never learned how to ride the bus because he felt that it wasn't needed, now that his friends are off doing other things, he's glad he got to learn. And since being with Jongdae meant riding it because neither of them can drive because they have no licence, they rode it together. Sometimes when Jongdae had work, he always made sure to call in late so he can ride the bus with Yixing home, but never got off as he had to go the other way. Yixing always appreciated it though. They would kiss goodbye, tell the other to call him or text him, then wave bye at each other from the window. Yixing misses that.

He also misses the way they would sit together and share earphones and listen to each other's music. The way their hands played with their fingers then slowly become one as they entwined with one another. The way their heads will rest against each other, whispering about their days because they're tired and don't want to be loud. And when things got loud it would be because someone didn't approve of them being like that and Jongdae wasn't going to tolerate anyone calling Yixing wrong. Sometimes it would be full of laughter but it's because they can be horrible people at times especially when it came down to judging people's outfits. It's wrong but it was right to them. He misses Jongdae and he can't help but think about him the whole bus ride.

 _Hey! Are you going to the senior's performance?_ Junmyeon texted him. He sighs as once again that question is thrown at him, he's made up his mind already so there's no wrong telling him what he decided.

"Yeah. Decided this morning. Jongin told me there's a chance that I'll get to talk to Jongdae if I go. I may see him there."

 _Oh cool. Just wanted to know so we could meet before the performance._ Junmyeon texts back not a minute later. Yixing is confused. Why do they have to meet? Half of his friends are going to be performing anyway, and Junmyeon will be one of the hosts along with some other girl from their class year. He won't be doing much sitting down since he'll be backstage. _It may be the last time we hang out before graduation. Just want to make plans with everyone so we can all hang out together._

"Can't we do it after the performance?" Yixing texts back.

_Won't you be talking to Jongdae after?_

"I was thinking more like before, but yeah I guess you're right."

 _Ok cool. See you then. I'll call you later or something._ Junmyeon texts back. Yixing is not going to lie but he's surprised at how quickly Junmyeon texted him back. Right after he pressed send, maybe two seconds later Yixing got a reply. He's about to text back but the bus is making a stop as more passengers get off and on. He hasn't been noticing where he's at so he looks out the window only to find that he still needs a couple more stops left to arrive home. He looks down to text back when he does a double take and looks at the couple getting on the bus.

"Holy shit! It's Veronica!"

_What?!_

"Veronica just got on the same bus I am on and she's not alone. She looks really bad."

~

"He says that Veronica is on the same bus as him."

"What?!" Both Jongdae and Luhan yell out. They started making plans about the senior's performance, asking Yixing if he's going to show up or not, in case he changed his mind since Jongdae asked Jongin earlier and Sehun texted him earlier that he was. They also wanted to make some sort of event happen like making sure Yixing sits where they want him to sit so Jongdae can surprise him. But the news that Yixing just dropped on them is more surprising than the surprise they're trying to plan.

"He said that she just got on with some guy and she looks really bad." Junmyeon passes the message along. Both Jongdae and Luhan share a look. They're both wondering just how bad she looks and who she's with and that Veronica is even around when they haven't seen her around either.

"What does he mean by bad?" Luan asks. Junmyeon shakes his head as he doesn't know.

"Oh wait he texted. He said 'like really bad. Really strung out.' I think she's under some heavy drugs." Junmyeon adds.

"This is bad. Do you know if he knows where they're going?" Jongdae asks. Junmyeon nods as he texts away asking Yixing that while Luhan has a hand on Jongdae's wrist.

"What the hell are you thinking of doing, Jongdae? You know you shouldn't interfere. This is Veronica."

"I don't care. She may have done shitty things but even she doesn't deserve that kind of faith. I'm the only one who can help her."

"What if she doesn't even want your help? You're not going to force her, are you?"

Jongdae shakes his head. "No. That's all on her. But she should still know that I'm there for her." Luhan doesn't like that idea at all and it seems like Junmyeon isn't up for it either. But Jongdae is trying to be a good friend to everyone. And Veronica is one of his first friends. She may have done bad things but he owes it to her. "I swear I won't fall for her tricks. I just need to help her."

"Fine. But we're going with you." Luhan tells him, waiting for Yixing to text back. And when he does, judging from Junmyeon's face, the reply isn't good.

"I think they're going to the bridge. I'm gonna follow them to make sure." Junmyeon reads. Jongdae's face goes really pale, his eyes go so big, and his mouth is slightly agaped, both Luhan and Junmyeon know that Jongdae just lost his spirit in fear.

"No! Tell him not to follow them! I need to go! Call him and tell him not to go!" Jongdae yells out, standing up now and getting ready to leave while Junmyeon furiously texts back while Luhan seems to follow Jongdae along, getting up and shoving his phone and wallet down in his pockets, slamming a 100 dollar bill on the table after.

"I told him. I don't think he'll listen but hopefully he does listen this time."

"Fuck, fuck, fuck! Yixing! Even now it's still Veronica." Jongdae mumbles out as the three of them storm out of the restaurant, ignoring the looks everyone is giving them. There are some waiters yelling at them to stop because Luhan didn't pay, but he did leave money on the table. It was just a matter of them going over to look.

"What are you going to do if Yixing did follow them and you find him there?" Junmyeon asks. Jongdae stops and sighs. He doesn't know.

"He's going to hate me but I'm going to Veronica and you guys take him home. No one tells him about the surprise, we'll stick to it."

"Ok. He's going to be furious, we're furious that you want to help her also, but you have your reasons. We'll respect them."

"Thank you, stray cat." Jongdae says seriously as they get to Luhan's car and wait for him to unlock the doors. Luhan stops to sigh over what Jongdae just said, but ignores it and opens the door. Jongdae is sitting in the backseat while Junmyeon sits in the front, announcing what Yixing replied.

"He's going to follow them."

"Dammit Yixing!" Luhan yells out, starting the car now. "I guess we're going to the bridge?"

"We're going to the bridge, I just hope they don't touch him."

"If they do there will be consequences?" Luhan asks. Jongdae nods.

"There will be consequences. I just… I hope he doesn't hate me for wanting to help her. She really doesn't deserve that. It's horrible." Junmyeon and Luhan understand. Jongdae has been through it, he knows, and if they understand it, they know Yixing will too. It will just take him a while to get it.

"Don't worry. He loves you. He'll understand eventually."

"I hope so." Jongdae replies. "I really hope so."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ok. Honestly the ending of this chapter was not planned at all. Oops. Sorry. I hope you enjoy though. I swear I won't make this story too long. Lol it needs to end sometime and sometime soon. I feel like I already written too much angst and I don't need to write more angst than originally planned.
> 
> Thank you to every one of you for liking, subscribing, voting, commenting, reading, glancing, kudos, hits, and everything in between. You have no idea how much in the world it means to me. It always makes my day! So thank you! ^^
> 
> Stay With Me is now on Asianfanfics! So if you’re interested on reading there, you can do so **here!**
> 
> Any questions or comments or critiques or you just want to say hi or yell at me for whatever, or just want to talk, you can do so **here.** Seriously, come talk to me.
> 
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>  
> 
> **Lol sorry I forgot to add one thing on the whole stray cat thing. There's this song called Stay Cat Strut, and I wasn't listening to it but it must've been on my head if I decided to use it. Anyway the whole stray cat thing is kind of like paying tribute to Jongdae's kitten/cat like features. There are people who see him and think of him as a cat, write stories on Jongdae being a cat so I guess that's my way of paying tribute to it. I hope that's ok. And in the story it's mentioned that he's lived in the streets, was sort of a stray, so hence stray cat. Plus it's mentioned that he looks like his dad so his dad is a stray cat also. And Jongdae wants to call Luhan pretty boy, but decides on stray cat instead. It's a stray cat kind of day apparently. Sorry for forgetting this part. I hope you enjoy it anyway. Have a good day!**


	22. Chapter 22

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter was originally going to include a playlist for the songs that are mentioned for the performance, including songs that were already mentioned as well throughout the story, but I don't really have a working computer to create the playlist, so I owe you guys a playlist lol. You don't have to listen to the songs that are mentioned at all, I just thought it would be a nice listen or visual on what the songs sounded like when they were being performed. I'll definitely try to release the playlist at the end of the story or something. In the meantime if you have any song in mind for the story in general, or for any of the people in the story, let me know, I seriously want to know what songs or song remind you of this whole thing. ^^ Happy reading. Enjoy! ^^

Yixing tried to keep himself hidden during the bus ride so Veronica won't see him. There's a chance that she may or may not remember him, so Yixing wasn't going to take that chance. He was just going to follow her, he wasn't really going to engage her. Even then he wasn't even sure why he chose to follow her. He just saw her, saw that she looked really bad, and well now he's watching her from afar trying to see where she's going. She seems to be going towards the faithful bridge where a lot has happened, he didn't even know that she even knew that place existed, but that seems to be her destination.

Yixing continues to stare subtetly but not at her, he already established that she's high off her mind, but the guy she's with seems familiar. Not in the sense that he's seen him somewhere before, but that the guy sort of reminds him of someone. The way he's dressed, the way he looks, there's just something about him, and when he figures it out, even after all this time, she's still hung up on him. Yixing shakes his head in disappointment.

He looks a lot like Jongdae. The guy of course is not identical to Jongdae at all, his face structure is different, is a bit more taller and lankier, and is mostly covered in tattoos than Jongdae is, but anyone would definitely confuse him with Jongdae. He's wearing a leather jacket, ripped jeans, and a cut up shirt that exposes his tattoos and torso, and a devil may cry smile. Deep down he knows he's not Jongdae at all, but he can't help but wonder if she knows that. He's also starting to wonder if it was a good idea of him to follow her or not.

He just knows he's doing it for Jongdae.

-

When Luhan, Junmyeon, and Jongdae arrive at the bridge they start to worry as they can't find Yixing anywhere. They figured he'll be waiting on their side of the fence of the bridge watching her, but he's not there. He's not walking in the pathway that is there and he's not sitting anywhere in sight.

"Do you think maybe Veronica-?" Luhan asks but Jongdae quickly shakes his head and looks over at Junmyeon, asking him to call or text Yixing again.

"No. I hope not. If she's really high like he said she was, I don't think she'll remember him at all. I'm gonna climb the fence and go over to check." Jongdae says, but a hand on his chest is stopping him. "What?"

"I don't think you should go. He'll see you." Luhan whispers.

"So? I'm not going to say anything to him, I'm just going to go straight to Veronica and talk to her."

"Yeah, but Jongdae-"Luhan speaks up again as he pushes Jongdae back. "You're trying to get him back, I don't think you showing up out of nowhere for her is a good idea. He'll get hurt. And trust me, you don't want to hurt him, not when you're trying to make things right. It seems bad."

"He's not picking up or answering. I don't think he has service here." Junmyeon speaks up, shoving his phone back into his pocket. He looks at both Jongdae and Luhan, both of them looking a bit hostile towards each other, so he automatically thinks of the worst. "You guys! This is not the time to fight with each other. We have to get Yixing!"

"Don't yell. He may- We're not- Never mind. What do you suggest we do?" Luhan asks him, still trying to keep a low profile. Jongdae just finds it funny because it's the river and bridge, where anyone could see them making their way, plus they also never established to keep a low profile. Junmyeon looks at them then shrugs, a groan escaping the both of them. They look around in case they missed Yixing but he's really nowhere in sight.

"I'm climbing the fence." Jongdae says as he starts to make the climb, but now both Luhan and Junmyeon are stopping him. "Come on! Let me climb!"

"Sorry, Jongdae. But I'm with Luhan on this. Yixing will flip if he sees you, plus I'm the one who he's been texting, he'll understand if he sees me with Luhan, but he won't understand if he sees us with you." Jongdae jumps down after a long groan and grumbles. He leans against the fence then crosses his arms, looking down at the ground to think. 

"Fine. But how do you suppose I get to Veronica?" He asks, now looking up at the two of them. They both share a look then shrug. "This is becoming too ridiculous. Let's just go. Come on!" Jongdae yells out, starting to make the climb again. Once again Junmyeon and Luhan share a look then start climbing after Jongdae. They make their way down to the river, when they look around they find a group of guys, no doubt the skater guys that always hang around there, while on the other side Luhan spots Yixing sitting underneath the bridge by the pillars, trying to keep himself hidden in the dark.

"He's over there!" Luhan yells out.

 _Way to keep yourself subtle._ Jongdae thinks. "Where?"

"Under the bridge." He points out. When they look over, Jongdae smiles. Last time he saw Yixing was at the apartment by the beach. He was so glad to see him but when he saw that Yixing was in danger there was so much fear in him that something bad will happen to him, he pretended that he doesn't know them. Avoided eye contact with him no matter what. When they went home, he rode back with Kris, and when he said he needed to leave to handle something important, Jongdae left Yixing feeling disappointed that he didn't ask him for help. Yixing looked so worried and concerned for him, and he knew that Yixing has seen the marks down his back, but he didn't want to go back. Not when he still had things to do. Things to figure out, but Kris convinced him and knowing that Kris was the one who convinced him to come back and not Yixing, he knows Yixing's killing himself for it. Now, seeing him trying to hide, being the stubborn Yixing he knows and loves so much, he wants to run to him and help him, but he promised that the next time Yixing sees him it would be under a new light. A new beginning for the both of them. He knows he's risking it by being here and helping Veronica out, but she's part of that list that he wants to make things right for. After that, he's done.

"You guys keep him busy, I'll take Veronica with me."

"Where is she?" Luhan asks, searching for her but can't find her anywhere. They look around to spot her anywhere, but Jongdae thinks she may be with the group of skaters he's friends with.

"She's probably with my friends over there. You guys go to him, distract him or whatever, and I'll take Veronica somewhere else."

"Where are you going to take her?" Junmyeon asks, Luhan nods as he had that in mind as well. Jongdae shrugs, looks away to see what Yixing and Veronica are doing, then turns back to look at both Luhan and Junmyeon. Luhan was handing him some money for him to take.

"What's this for?"

"Take it. You don't have money to take the bus back."

"Yeah I do." Jongdae scoffs, searching his pockets for his wallet, but then remembered that he didn't take his wallet with him at all. Luhan said it was his treat for lunch, and that morning when he went to the choir gathering, he left his wallet at home because he was in a rush. "Damn! I forgot it!"

"Take it. Do _not_ pay me back." Luhan emphasizes the word "not", making sure that Jongdae understands that.

"Fine." Jongdae grumbles, taking the money from him, pocketing it in his zip up. "Now go. Please, don't tell him I'm here. Make sure he doesn't see me."

"We promise." Junmyeon answers, holding his hand out to give Luhan a push. He smiles at Jongdae, wishes him a quiet good luck, then goes with Luhan to distract Yixing. Jongdae watches over them in case they get caught… by anyone actually, he then sees Veronica and the guy Yixing was talking about go towards the dark side of the bridge. It's where the pillars of the bridge are at. It's also the place where people sleep, smoke, get high, take a piss, have sex, whatever. Obviously people can see them from the river, but since it's somewhat secluded, they think they have privacy. Veronica thinks no one would notice her making out with this guy she's with then pull out something from her pocket as he pulls out another thing from his. When Jongdae looks over to his right where Yixing is, he's glad that they got Yixing to look away from Veronica. He makes a run towards his friends, asks them to keep it down, then runs towards Veronica.

They've both done heavy drugs before but nothing like this. She was trying to get high off of heroin. She had everything they needed to inject it in themselves, so Jongdae knows that she's been doing it for a while now. This was definitely not her first time. And Yixing was right. She did look really bad. Jongdae feels sick to his stomach now. He hates her so much for everything she's done, kind of doesn't want to help her at all now seeing her like this, but this was not how she was suppose to end up as. She had dreams, they both did, but his dreams are now different than hers, he knows it, and if she thinks this is her new dream, he's going to change that.

He quickly walks over to the two of them, can't keep the urge to himself to beat the shit out of this guy, so he does so. Hitting the guy and kicking him while Veronica yells and tries to pull Jongdae off, Jongdae is sure he has everyone's attention now, but he seriously hopes that both Luhan and Junmyeon got Yixing to leave already. He pushes Veronica back, as he continues to hit this guy, doesn't care how hard he's hitting him, if he's in pain or not, he's doing it, letting all of his frustrations out, the long nights he spent awake when him and Jongin were better off sleeping in the streets, nights where he would spend with Veronica to make sure she was ok and protect her from her abusive father, those long nights he had to spend with strangers and getting high and touched by them, missing Yixing so much but also growing a bit of hatred towards him because for some reason those people who touched him reminded him of Yixing himself, thinking that if strangers could hurt him, then so could Yixing, hating that it was Veronica who made him think that way, that she would do anything to keep Jongdae by her side, even if that meant playing Romeo and Juliet, but deep down hates himself for caring about her because despite of everything they went through, they were always there for each other and he has to make this right.

"Jongdae!" He hears someone yell out and he stops. Stops altogether, backs away from the guy, and turns around. _Fuck._ "Jongdae! Why are you- Don't hit him anymore, ok? You'll kill him."

"Yixing." _Fuck. Fuck. Fuck!_ He looks over at both Junmyeon and Luhan, letting him know that they tried to stop him but stubborn Yixing always wins. He looks at Yixing, wants to run to him, and hug him and hold him and cry, but this is not how he wanted it to happen at all. Yixing also has his hands up to stop Jongdae from whatever move he makes next. He has to run now. If he stays longer, things will become worse and that's far from what he wants right now. "I'm sorry." He whispers, grabs Veronica's wrist and drags her away. He hears the guy yell something out at him, but he kicks him one last time and runs away, holding on tight to Veronica's wrist as she runs with him. He doesn't look back or stops, not even once. 

"Yixing?" Junmyeon speaks up but Yixing turns around and starts walking towards the steep to get out of the river and bridge for good.

"Let's just go." He whispers.

-

Just like before, Jongdae took Veronica to eat. Before that though they went to the park, made her throw up whatever she had in her, holding her hair back, while patting her back as she cried. He helped her clean herself up, washed her face, and hair, made her change clothes by throwing away the ripped shirt she had on and handed her his zip up for her to wear. During the bus ride, she cried as Jongdae just held her, softly running his fingers through her hair, covering her face so no one could see what she was doing. Now they were in his old workplace, ordering food for her while she sat alone. He was always an admirer of people wearing his clothes. It made him feel trusted and someone who was able to provide warmth. Plus in his opinion, they always look good when they wear his clothes. He set the tray of food in front of her and watched her closely. She only glared, she was angry, she had every right to be but Jongdae was going to insist for her to eat.

"Eat."

"I'm not hungry."

"You need some food in your stomach."

"I don't want-"

"Fine. Don't eat. Who was he?" Jongdae asks. His voice is very neutral right now. Not angry and not calm either, sort of in between and she's not sure if she should answer or not. "I'm not going to yell, just... who is he?"

"No one. Why the hell do you care anyway?" Jongdae sighs, reaching for one of the fries to eat. He's trying to get into the old habits he used to do when he was always with her, but it's been so long, he doesn't quite remember them all.

"I've fucked up, I know, but-"

"You really fucked up!" Veronica yells out. He looks up at her and smiles. Not because he's happy that he messed up, or that he hurt her, but because he remembers always calling her angry passionate red. When she gets angry she seems to turn into a shade of red, and her hair being dyed close to red just proves it more, aside from having some shades of blues and lavenders and pinks in there too.

"I'm really so so sorry but we were never really together. You know that. We were just friends, close to having benefits I'll admit, but just friends and when…"

" _He_ happened." Veronica offers. There's malice on the way she said He. He knows she hates Yixing so much but that's probably not even half of the way she really feels about him.

"He happened." Jongdae agrees. He stays quiet, looking up when he hears her sniffle. She's crying again, and with his arm slowly stretching outward to wipe her tear away, afraid that she'll push him away, he smiles when he comes into contact with her. "I really am sorry. I want to help you but I don't think I could be around you if you do decide to get help."

"What?" Veronica asks, moving away from him so he won't touch her anymore. Jongdae nods as he gulps.

"I'm going to help you get into rehab, but I don't think I'll be around visiting you and all that while you're in there, and if you're cured, I won't be around you after it either."

"Why not?" She's starting to cry again. He's honestly a bit surprised that she's not crying about going into rehab but crying because Jongdae won't be there for her.

He takes a deep breath in then sighs it out. He has to tell her even if it will hurt her. "We were never meant to be anything, Veronica. You know that. We just gave each other false hope, hurt each other, and badly, and in order for you to start fresh, for me to start fresh, we need to stay away from each other. You'll always mean a lot to me. You're also a constant reminder of everything bad that happened and I don't want to think that way about you, at all. And if I stick around you, I feel like you're never going to get the help you deserve because you don't deserve this at all. You had dreams, dreams to get the fuck away, dreams that didn't involve me, remember? But... you changed those dreams because of me, I shouldn't have done that. I hurt you badly, but now it's up to me to make things right. You need help, but that decision is all on you. I'm not going to force you to go into rehab, you have that choice now. If you agree, I'll help you. If you don't, don't contact me or find me or anything later on because I won't help you at all. This is your last chance, I know I should give you more, but to be honest I'm saying it's your last because I trust you'll make the right decision. So what decision are you going to make?"

Veronica just stares at him and stares at him for a long time. She's going through the decisions in her head and whatever she conjures up just makes her cry, he wants to stretch his hand out and wipe her tears away but this is the last time he'll be a friend to her. So he wants to keep contact with her limited. She gulps a knot that probably formed in her throat, pushing her hair behind her ear, then looks up at him. "You're choosing him?" She asks. Jongdae nods. She let's out a sigh, crying a bit harder now than before, then nods. Jongdae smiles, getting up from his side of the booth and goes to hers to pull her into a tight hug. He'll miss her but this is really the right thing to do.

-

When Friday came around, Yixing was relieved that none of his friends were around him nagging him, especially Junmyeon and Luhan. He was so tired of them asking him if he was ok or not, if he was still going to the senior's performance or not, and if he's not then he should go to "cheer up". He already decided to go and he honestly made up his mind that he'll talk to Jongdae about the other day. He wasn't going to leave until he got some sort of explanation. It's not really his right to know, but damn it it's his right to know.

Both him and his mom dressed up and went to the school where a ton of cars were either parked or looking for a parking spot. It must be a big deal to a lot of people if the place is full. So far Yixing just thinks it's only a big deal to him because Jongdae will be there and he'll be able to talk to him. Everything else doesn't matter. When his mom finally finds a parking spot and they make their way towards the school's theater, Yixing finds it inconvenient that the doors are still closed and all of his friends are all there except for Jongdae and Jongin. He's really not in the mood to get flooded with "are you ok?" or "how are you?" questions. And when he stands back while his mom mentions that she's going to greet the other parents, his friends quickly make their way over to him.

"Yixing! You came! I thought you were going to bail on us. We're all going to eat after this, are you coming?" Kris asks. He has a strong urge to say no but that's not the first thing on his mind.

"Where's Jongin and Jongdae?" He asks. "Have you guys seen them?" 

"They're probably not here yet." Minseok speaks up. Yixing just looks away and sits down on the small border around the grass area by the big tree that's there. It's also where he went to Jongdae when he wasn't in the mood to be around his friends so the two walked out of campus. He looks up at his friends to see what they're doing. Junmyeon and Kris are talking, Tao and Sehun are talking also, while Luhan and Minseok seem to be holding back from each other because their parents are nearby, and Chanyeol and Baekhyun seem to be enjoying touching Kyungsoo and don't care that their parents are there or not. Everyone is sort of paired up today and it's making Yixing pretty fucking miserable.

"Hey Chanyeol! Aren't you performing with your band today?" Yixing asks, noticing that Chanyeol is not inside rehearsing or getting ready for the show. He also notices that Sehun and Tao, including Kyungsoo and Baekhyun are not inside either. _Why are they all out here?_

"Oh, they're coming a bit later. We don't perform until halfway through the show and one of my band mates needs to get his drum set from his father's house."

"Oh. What about you guys? Aren't you guys opening the show?" He asks, referring to Sehun, Tao, Baekhyun, and Kyungsoo.

"They let us go outside for a bit to greet our parents since we've been rehearsing all day." Baekhyun answers. Yixing just nods then looks away for any sign of the Jong brothers. He sighs again as more and more people show up but none of them are who he's looking for. He wants to leave. He really doesn't want to be here. When he gets up and walks towards his mom, asking her for the car keys so he can wait there instead, she pulls him aside and hugs him. He told her what happened at the river the other day, so she understands why Yixing is not in the mood to be out anywhere, but since Jongdae planned a surprise for Yixing, she wants to make sure the plan follows through.

"How about we stay halfway through the show then we'll leave. Does that sound ok?" Yixing nods against her chest then pulls away as he hears Minseok call out his name. Tao, Sehun, Baekhyun, and Kyungsoo are making their way inside as the show is about to start. He sighs one more time, hoping that he'll catch a glimpse of Jongdae inside and maybe get him to step outside for a bit to talk. Maybe just run off together and spend the rest of the day like they used to. They don't need to talk at all. He just wants to be with him.

-

"He's here! He's here! He's here!" Baekhyun yells out as he runs backstage towards Jongdae. Him and Jongin were getting ready while their friends were outside. They were trying to give the illusion of them not being there yet but they were secretly worried that their mom and grandmother won't be able to find their seats. And because they had that mindset, Jongdae was starting to have doubts while Jongin reassured him.

"You're going to be great, hyung. Trust me. You'll wow everyone."

"I don't want to wow everyone. I just want to wow-"

"He will be. Trust me." Jongin says, as he reaches forward and pushes his brother's hair back. Jongin swears that Jongdae becomes a different person when he wears his leather jacket, or pushes his hair back. A confident, not afraid of anything, covered in armor, kind of person. And right now Jongdae _needs_ to be that person. "Our wish is coming true today." Jongin speaks up. Jongdae looks up at his brother with a frown as he doesn't understand what he means by that. "Remember when we were kids? When we talked about singing and dancing on stage together in front of mom?" Jongdae laughs as he remembers. Jongin will dance while Jongdae will sing. Those times though were Jongdae's attempts at keeping Jongin's dreams going. Those times were when Jongdae will lead Jongin all the way to the park or all the way to the bridge to stay the night, so Jongdae always brought it up to comfort his brother. To make him hopeful of the future while Jongdae seemed to be on the verge of giving up in his dreams. "I can't believe that day is here."

"Yeah. I can't believe it either. You're going to wow them." Jongdae says as he throws a towel at his brother. He quickly gets up as he sees Baekhyun running towards him, yelling out he's here, he's here, he's here, like a maniac. He feels the need to step away or Baekhyun will jump on him, and he was right.

"Yixing is here. The moment you've been waiting for is finally here. Are you ready?" Baekhyun asks, as Jongin tries to pull Baekhyun away from his brother. Kyungsoo just sighs and shakes his head as he helps Jongin out as well.

"He seems upset though, so I hope that your performance makes him change his mind." Kyungsoo says as he now smacked Baekhyun's arm as it was still wrapped around Jongdae.

"What are you kidding me? Jongdae is going to be the fucking highlight throughout this whole thing. He's going to explode everyone's minds away." Baekhyun says as he tries to stick himself onto Jongdae and have pre-show cuddles with him. Jongdae doesn't seem to mind, but he is a little uncomfortable that Baekhyun always wants to touch him all the damn time he sees him.

"Thank you Baekhyunie. It really means a lot." Baekhyun suddenly gasps at the nickname Jongdae just called him as, pulling away to make sure it really was him that said it and not his imagination, then continues cuddling Jongdae's arm to his side. Jongin and Kyungsoo just watch while Baekhyun looks like a kid holding their favorite toy by their side.

"How does Chanyeol not get sick of him?" Kyungsoo asks as the two brothers laugh at the comment.

"You guys!" Sehun yells out as Tao is running after him. "We're about to start the show." Jongdae and Jongin share a look, pulling each other into a hug after Baekhyun pulls away from Jongdae, whispering last minute encouragements to each other then pull away to run to their positions. Baekhyun quickly pulls Jongdae into a hug as well, doing the same thing as Jongin did then runs away. Jongdae appreciates the no physical contact with Kyungsoo but does thank him for the encouragement he tells him. When he runs towards his position and Jongdae goes to his spot behind the curtains because he's not part of the opening act, he sees that Jongin stopped Kyungsoo from running off by holding his wrist and whispering something into his ear. Kyungsoo just smiles up at him, pulling each other into a hug after, then walk away from each other, smiles still etched on their faces. Jongdae smiles at the interaction the two of them just had. He's really happy for his brother. So so happy. And he has the best spot out of everyone to see his brother shine on stage.

-

When the doors finally opened and they allowed the guests to come inside already, Yixing's arms were hooked from both sides by Luhan and Minseok, dragging him inside as quickly as they could so they could pick good seats. He's complaining on how he's separated from his mom and won't get a good seat either, but when he turns around to see where she is, he sees that his mom is being escorted by Kris and not getting dragged like Yixing is being dragged right now. They sit Yixing close to the end of an aisle, Luhan sitting at the end of the aisle on his right while Minseok sits on his left. When Kris comes over with his mom, the two of them laughing about something, neither Luhan or Minseok get up to offer their seats to his mom so she could sit next to him, and when he tries to offer his own, they immediately push him down while his mom says that she doesn't really mind. Yixing should think that they're up to something, especially when he asked them if they're going to sit with their own families or not but both of them denied and claimed that they were already planning on sitting together as friends. A whole row was going to be full of their friends, so the ones performing could spot them right away. Yixing didn't ask though because he was too busy looking for someone else.

He did noticed though that two seats in front of his aisle were not getting occupied at all. The whole row was filling up and when people would try to sit in those very seats, they seemed to notice something then they would walk away. Yixing figured that they were reserved seats, and since the place was filling up quickly, only one thing came to mind. Jongdae wouldn't reserve seats, especially just two of them when Jongin was going to perform. He was either sitting way in the front or at the top part of the theater where it would probably be a bit crowded but still have a good view of the performances.

He was about to get up to go look, when the lights started to dim down, a sign that everything was about to start. When he got up to leave he noticed two women being escorted, making him stop dead in his tracks as he noticed that they sat in the seats in front of him, somewhat giving off an aura that he felt or seen before. He immediately sat down and couldn't help but look at the women. One was older than the other. They both looked young but they still had some age gap between them. The older woman looked like the mom of the young one while the young one seemed sick but happy to be there. She was wearing a sweater, despite the weather outside being hot, and also seemed to be hooked on to something as she had tubes in her nose, Yixing figured that it was an oxygen tank. But he feels like he knows them. He's never met them before, but he's oddly getting pulled in by them. He can't figure out what it is.

Music suddenly starts playing, snapping him back to reality as the lights on stage go bright revealing a big group of the choir kids. He can spot Baekhyun and Kyungsoo easily, the choir group dancing along to the beat of the song, smiling at his friends as they look funny and uncomfortable with the swaying. When they start to sing, what Yixing figures is Turn Me On by Kevin Lyttle, a group of dancers come out, quickly spotting Sehun, Tao, and Jongin on stage dancing along to the singing of the choir. Yixing then figures out that the song is actually a remix of the original song, an electronic type of remix from some Dj group he knows as Cheat Codes. It's the perfect summer song that has everyone feeling good and goes well with the group's singing and the guy's dancing. It's also a very good opening act as it's a cheerful atmosphere.

When the performance is over, the place gets erupted into cheers, all of the people on stage leaving while two new people go up. It's Junmyeon and some girl from their graduating class, welcoming everyone and hyping the place up even more, telling the crowd what's about to come and what to expect. Yixing feels good seeing his friends on stage, kind of wishing he was up there as well, but also wondering what would Jongdae's reaction be seeing his brother dance on stage. He can hear his mom comment to Kris on how handsome Junmyeon looks on stage and how well Tao did while Luhan and Minseok whisper to each other about the performance. Yixing's attention though is on the two ladies in front of him. They don't really say much, just look at each other and nod with big smiles on their faces as they clapped. When Junmyeon finishes talking, Yixing having no idea when he finished, the lights go dark again. This time there's music playing first, recognizing the song as Frank Ocean's Thinkin Bout You, and when the person starts to sing the lights immediately shine on them, revealing _Jongdae?! On stage, by himself, sitting on a stool, and... SINGING._

Yixing is awestruck. He can't close his mouth, he can't form words, he can't react. He just watches as he swears that Jongdae is looking right at him and singing with so much emotion, admitting to him that he's been thinking about him. That no matter what was happening, no matter what Jongdae was going through, Jongdae has been thinking about him. And all Yixing can do is form tears in his eyes as he finally got an answer. Yixing has been thinking a lot about Jongdae, that he wondered if he was doing the same thing too. Now he knows. He knows that his mom is watching his reaction, that Luhan, Minseok, and Kris are watching his reaction, but Jongdae makes him feel that it's just the two of them. That Jongdae is singing just to him, hitting those high notes, somewhat telling a story of what he's been through but always had him in mind. Somewhat admitting that after this, everything will be alright. That's why Jongdae was nowhere in sight, Jongdae was planning this. When the song is over and the place once again erupts into cheers, very loudly coming from Minseok, Luhan, and Kris, very surprised that he could sing very well, his mom reaches over for his hand to give it a squeeze.

"Surprise." She says to him, realizing that they were all in on this. That's why they kept asking him if he was going or not, why Luhan and Minseok dragged him away, why Jongin decided to join the performance the very last minute. It was because Jongdae was planning this and got his friends in on it, including his mom. He wants to go backstage to see him, and talk to him, but Luhan tells him that there's plenty more where that came from. And he wasn't lying.

Baekhyun and Kyungsoo got a solo and a duet together, Jongin, Sehun, and Tao got solos each, and a three group performance, including a whole group performance. Another choir and dance performance. Chanyeol's band got to perform on stage, singing some Japanese rock group's song. More solos from Jongdae, a duet each with Baekhyun and Kyungsoo, then a three person performance that Jongdae wrote the song to. A beautiful song called She's Dreaming, combining the three of their voices so well together, that also included a small rap part from Chanyeol. Then an acoustic performance of Jongdae and Chanyeol of a song named Have Faint In Me. Songs that Yixing felt were all dedicated to him. And according to Luhan and his own mom, the two women sitting in front of him were Jongdae's mother and grandmother. And one of the songs that Jongdae sung to was dedicated to her.

It was mostly the lyrics that reminded Yixing of their relationship. Anyone would confuse the song as a love song, but Yixing knows it's a song about Jongdae always relying on his mom no matter what happened between them. _That explains why the two of them were bawling whenever Jongdae came up on stage._ When the song was over he sang another as Chanyeol continued to play on his guitar, an acoustic song about a girl, Yixing automatically thought about Veronica and wondered if she was there, but when the music stopped and three more guys came out with instruments of their own, they started to play the song again, this time a bit faster and a bit more cheerful, Jongdae jumped down and quickly grabbed some bright sunflowers from somewhere and made his way towards his mom and grandmother, handing both of them the flower and giving them a hug each, he then stepped right at Yixing's aisle, giving him a smile, but the last sunflower was givento his mom. He couldn't pull her into a hug but he reached for her hand and gave it a squeeze. When he went back on stage, Yixing was glad that even his mom got acknowledged, she wouldn't stop smiling or blushing.

Everything was so well thought out, as everytime Jongdae came on stage he would only look at Yixing and Yixing only, somewhat sending him secret messages through the songs he was performing, that whenever someone would cheer loudly for Jongdae, he would snap out of his reverie and get reminded that he's not alone. That other people are watching him too. That the whole school, or at least the whole senior class is seeing Jongdae in a whole new light. They're seeing him like Yixing always saw him as, and he can't help but feel so so proud of him. A smile plastered on his face whenever Jongdae was on stage, whenever he heard whispers of the people around him saying that he's good, whenever the crowd erupted into very loud cheers, whenever his mom and friends will stand up and somewhat give Jongdae a standing ovation, even though the show wasn't even close to being over. He was happy, and deep down he knew that Jongdae was happy too. He didn't want the show to be over at all, but he hoped that the show will be over soon. He has and wants to go see him and tell him how proud he is of him.

-

It took Yixing by surprise when his mom tapped Jongdae's mom's shoulder to get her attention then suddenly pull each other into a tight hug with giant smiles on their faces. Yixing can't help but stare at Jongdae's mom as she pulls away from his mom and holds his mother's hands as the two talk about Jongdae and how it was hard not to turn to each other and comment to each other about everything. He feels a bit bad that no one is really mentioning Jongin, but knowing him, he's probably the first person to even bring up Jongdae in the first place.

The show was now over, some people getting up to leave to wait outside or hanging around as they talk to other people, Yixing and his mom, along with his friends, are waiting inside the theater as they wait for the stars to come out. He doesn't know what he'll do when he sees Jongdae walk out. What can he do when he doesn't know if Jongdae's mom is even ok with her son and Yixing. He wants to ask her but she's very distracting as her smile is a lot like Jongdae's. Her tattoos remind him of Jongdae, her style and personality just screams Jongdae, he finds her to be very beautiful. He finds it a bit hard to believe that she was always there for Jongin whenever they had a dance competition, he swears he's never met her before. In fact none of his friends have actually seen or met her before, so it's no surprise that Minseok, Luhan, and Kris are gathering around him and mumbling out similarities between her and her sons.

"She reminds me of Jongin a bit."

"Not even. She's Jongdae all the way."

"I agree with Minseok." Kris says, after Minseok. Yixing hears Luhan scoff, looking over to see what he's doing.

"Add one or two tattoos on Jongin and they'll look alike." Luhan grumbles, Yixing just laughs and shakes his head as Luhan has it all wrong.

"Its definitely Jongdae." He answers, watching his mom get introduced to what he assumes is Jongdae's grandmother. "They're a good looking family." He whispers as they all agree.

"I just can't believe how young they are though." Yixing looks up at Kris after his statement. He's right. Jongdae's mom went through a lot and it seems that maybe his grandmother had the same fate. Luhan suddenly laughs out loud, catching everyone's attention as he places a hand on Kris' shoulder.

"Don't even think about it. Junmyeon would kick your ass and the KimJong brothers will never accept you as their grand pappy." Minseok laughs out loud while Kris and Yixing share an expression of confusion. Luhan doesn't explain, just laughs with Minseok. Kris and Yixing just choose to ignore it. When they hear a familiar yell coming from the stage, gathering everyone's attention to look over, Yixing swears his heart stops. Jongdae is coming out from behind the curtains, smiling over Baekhyun's antics, looking over to find his mom but his sight falls onto Yixing instead. Yixing is shaking in place but a smile is spreading across his face while butterflies are trying to break free. He's not in his usual leather jacket, cut up shirt clad, but something simple. Something that makes him look young and fresh. He wants to run to him but he's hesitating, waiting for Jongdae to do anything.

"Go to him!" Luhan yells out, giving Yixing a small push. His friends suddenly start chanting to kiss him which makes the two of them laugh but walk to meet each other halfway. Yixing starts to sprint to him now to get to him faster, colliding with him and pulling Jongdae into a tight hug, feeling the familiar warmth that he's missed so much. When they finally make contact, he hears claps coming from their friends. They hug for a long time, their bodies curving into one another, when they pull away, not caring that everyone is watching the two of them, Yixing cups Jongdae's face, his thumbs sweeping across his cheeks like he always used to do, then leans forward to kiss him right on the lips. They hear wolf whistles from everyone, comments about getting their own room, but Jongdae is smiling into the kiss, his arms around Yixing to keep him in place so he won't pull away, so Yixing stays, kissing Jongdae as hard as he can, smiling as well from the teasing but still kissing Jongdae as much as he can. When Jongdae laughs, _God, that fucking laugh that breathes life into me_ , they pull away to hug each other once again, their foreheads resting against each others.

"I've missed you."

"Fuck, I've missed you too." Yixing whispers back, his hand never leaving Jongdae's face. Jongdae smiles, taking Yixing's hand away, pressing a quick peck on his palm then lacing his fingers together with his.

"I'm so sorry, Yixing." Jongdae cries. Yixing quickly shakes his head.

"No, No, No. Don't be. Don't apologize. We'll talk later if you want, but I want you to know that I'm freaking proud of you." Jongdae laughs then nods, his head still resting onto Yixing's, he's giving Jongdae some sort of shield to hide away from everyone. He doesn't want to look up right now, and Yixing holding both of his hands let's him know that he doesn't have to look up at all.

"I made you proud?" Jongdae asks. Yixing laughs also, pressing a quick kiss onto Jongdae's forehead, going back to resting it onto his.

"Of course you made me proud. You _always_ make me proud."

Jongdae laughs, a genuine laugh bubbling up from the inside and bursting out with the most brightest beautiful smile ever. "I love you, Yixing."

Yixing's world just stopped. His heart just skipped a beat. He can't breath, and he doesn't want to, unless it's Jongdae. His butterflies have officially burst out, feeling high and giggly just from hearing that. He can't help but laugh, squeezing Jongdae's hands hard as he feels like bouncing in place, and if he's not holding onto Jongdae he's sure he'll float away. "I love you too, Jongdae. I love you so much." Another round of wolf whistles and cat calls are erupted as the two can't help but kiss each other. A hard passionate kiss. A kiss full of love. They finally have each other once again and it feels so complete and so so _so_ damn good.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **The End.**
> 
> No I'm kidding that will really suck, sorry. There's maybe two? three? chapters left then it's the end. It's finally coming to an end omg. I'm so excited. Something huge is going to happen that may end up with everyone hating me forever, but it's ok because it's been really fun. Thank you for loving this story so so much, I honestly can't believe it and probably never will, but seriously from the bottom of my heart I never expected this to get where it is, so seriously thank you.
> 
> Also…
> 
> IT'S JONGDAE'S BIRTHMONTH!!! THERE'S ONLY 10/11 DAYS UNTIL HIS BIRTHDAY AND I'M SO EXCITED AND HAPPY FOR HIM! My beautiful precious twin is turning 24/25 and I can't wait to see what other amazingness he blesses us with. Please please love him, he deserves more love. Him and Yixing but next month is Yixing's month, so this month make it all about Jongdae. And hopefully by Yixing's month this whole story will officially come to an end. I wish I could end it by the end of this month but since it's now taking me at least two weeks to update, this may end up finished by Yixing's month or around his birthday. We'll see.
> 
> Thank you to every one of you for liking, subscribing, voting, commenting, reading, glancing, kudos, hits, and everything in between. You have no idea how much in the world it means to me. It always makes my day! So thank you! ^^
> 
> Stay With Me is now on Asianfanfics! So if you’re interested on reading there, you can do so **[here!](https://www.asianfanfics.com/story/view/1110551/stay-with-me-chenlay-xingdae-highschoolau-laychen-kimjongbros-minorcharacterdea-punkau/18)** See you there! ^^
> 
> Any questions or comments or critiques or you just want to say hi or yell at me for whatever, or just want to talk about anything, or ask me really random questions, you can do so **[here.](http://ask.fm/piratenat)** Seriously, come talk to me. Let me know about songs that you would like to see be part of the playlist.
> 
> *If you're interested in messaging me on tumblr in case I don't reply to you soon, or just want to check it out, you can do so  **[here!](http://sjabe.tumblr.com/)** Its a bad edits side blog so I can't follow back, but if you want me to, let me know and I'll follow back from my main. ^^ Have a great day or night! ^^ ✌☺*
> 
> (This got too long. Oops. Sorry. You may skip. Bye!)


	23. Chapter 23

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This was suppose to come out yesterday but I couldn't post it until now so happy late birthday to Jongdae, but at least it's the 21st here. I hope you had a fantastic fun day filled with cake and lots of love. This update is long mainly because it has short parts and it does mention some past abuse so slight warning. Send in song suggestions for the Playlist that will be posted at the end of the story. It can range from any genre and any type of songs as long it reminds you of the story or any of the characters at all, it will all be posted in the Playlist. Thank you so far to those that suggested songs already. It means a lot. Enjoy ^^

When Yixing and Jongdae finished their scene that the others claim came straight out of a movie, they immediately get pulled into a group hug by their friends. Congratulating them for getting back together, receiving comments on how they're so glad they're together again and how nothing or anyone was going to separate them, ever. They thanked Jongdae and Yixing for finally being with each other because it was hard for all of them seeing the two of them look so lost. They were like puzzle pieces. They looked fine, sort of, but being separated from each other wasn't complete. They were just lost and had no idea where to go and what to do. Now seeing them together again, as a whole, they look very, _very_ complete. It's a good sight to see.

When they all finish their little group hug fest, Jongdae and Yixing finally get to their moms. Jongdae and Saint Zhang finally hug, what Yixing thought was for the first time, but it turns out its not, promising him to explain later. His mom thanks Jongdae for the flower as the two hug really tight and sort of sway in place as the two of them laugh. "You didn't have to, you know."

"I know." Jongdae says, pulling away. "But you know I was going to anyway." He adds, as Saint Zhang cups his chin. He then turns to his own mom and grandmother and hugs them both, talking to each other about the performance and how proud they are of him and Jongin, but Jongdae doesn't want to hear it because he stops them both and reaches out for Yixing's hand. Yixing hesitates on taking it because he knows what Jongdae has in mind and he's nervous. _What person wouldn't be nervous about meeting someone else's family?_

"Mom, Momma, this is Yixing. The guy I told you about." _He's told them about me?_ Yixing doesn't know what to expect other than a handshake from the both of them, but when Jongdae's mom pulls him into a tight hug and is starting to cry, it's definitely something that he wasn't expecting at all.

"Thank you so much for everything you've done, Yixing. Thank you so, so, much. I don't know how to repay you." She mumbles. Yixing squeezes her once then pulls away to look right at her. _She's so beautiful up close._ He thinks, but he has something else in mind. He reaches for Jongdae's hand and tucks his arm to his side. She immediately understands, laughs a little then smiles. "I've approved the second after Jongdae told me everything about you. If it weren't for you, we wouldn't be here where we are right now. Thank you for doing what I couldn't do." She adds, pulling Yixing into another tight hug.

"I really did nothing." He mumbles to her, adding that she doesn't have to thank him at all, but she insists and continues on hugging him, so he continues hugging her back. When she let's go of him and he hugs Jongdae's grandmother as well, getting reminded a bit of his own grandmother, especially with the way she thanked him also and placed her hand behind his head, Yixing feels welcomed. Something he thought that will never happen, mainly because he thought that if there was ever a chance of him meeting Jongdae's mom, she will never agree of Jongdae being with him. Today he's just being proved wrong and he likes the feeling of it.

When they all head outside to greet the other parents, Jongdae and Yixing stand aside from everyone as they hold hands and watch their friends. There's suddenly eruption of cheers of girls making their way towards Jongdae, commenting on how amazing he sings, and if he could sing to them some other time. There's definitely flirting, so Yixing bites his tongue and watches as Jongdae starts to blush, but not at the girls, but blushing that he doesn't know what to do or say and that he's getting complimented on. He doesn't know how to react other than jut his lower lip out and pout at Yixing to get him to make the girls leave. With a smile he opens his mouth to tell the girls to back off but Baekhyun is suddenly there telling the girls to scatter, making noises at them like they're some sort of animal that run off whenever he makes a noise. Jongdae laughs out loud, Yixing squeezes onto Jongdae's hand a little harder to show Jongdae just what a little thing like laughter makes him feel. Clenching his heart and squeezing like the owner of it. And he submits without restraint. It doesn't hurt, but every little thing he does, Yixing feels a small tug or shock right in his heart with how much love he feels from it. Feels for him.

"We're all going out to eat, and I know you two want to be alone, but screw it you're going to come and eat with us and enjoy it." Baekhyun tells them, wrapping his arms around Jongdae. If it was someone else, Yixing will definitely say something, but Baekhyun is his friend and wants to make it his goal to become the best of friends with Jongdae, so he doesn't mind. He definitely and shouldn't mind because he thought about his friends being friends with Jongdae as well, and if it takes some of them also becoming clingy and cuddly towards him as well, he definitely does not mind it. _Jongdae deserves all the love in the world. No matter how it comes to him._

Jongdae looks up towards his mom and Saint Zhang, the two talking to some other parent that Baekhyun whispers is his own mom. Jongdae pouts from the lack of not getting her attention a little then drags Yixing with him, because neither of them want to let go of each other at all. They're not ready to feel one second away from each other either. He asks his mom if she's going to dinner as well, in which she says yes which makes him frown because he thinks that he has to go too, but she smiles at him and understands what Jongdae wants, she jerks her head to the side then Jongdae grins, leaning forward and pressing a kiss to her cheek.

"Sorry Baekhyun, we'll meet you guys at the restaurant later on, text us the place and we'll go, but right now I really need to talk to Yixing." Baekhyun whines and pouts, making it a big deal that the two of them need to be there, but immediately understands what Jongdae wants, pulling Jongdae into a hug then walks away, giving Yixing a sign that he'll text him later. Yixing nods, looks to his mom for permission, then starts backing away as she says it's ok while Jongdae starts moving.

"The two love birds are not going with us, but they'll join us later." Baekhyun explains to the others, some of them asking them to talk later and to join them, while Luhan asks if they need a ride somewhere or if they need money at all. Jongdae just shakes his head and waves goodbye as Yixing does the same, disappearing into the night and heading towards the area where the legendary bleachers are at. There's comments on how they can no longer keep it in the pants, which makes Yixing blush and laugh along with Jongdae, while Jongin scolds them that their parents are around and will definitely get the wrong idea. But they're too far away now to see how it will turn out.

-

Yixing can't help but laugh as he starts going up the bleachers when they get there, still holding onto Jongdae's hand so tight they're sure they're losing blood circulation, but Jongdae is holding him back, standing at the bottom while Yixing is already on the first step, turning around to look at him and wonder what's wrong. And by the look on Jongdae's face, something serious is about to happen. "What's up?"

"I just... Before you take another step up to the top bleacher I need to know if you're OK with what's about to happen. If you take another step up, you can't go back."Jongdae says, letting go of Yixing's hand to let him decide. Yixing looks at him, there's dull lighting outside from the lamp post, there's sounds of cars driving by or honking, there's crickets chirping somewhere, the night is warm but the moon is big and bright and giving so much light onto Jongdae, there's only Jongdae in front of him and not the small baseball field fence in front of him, or the car sounds or the crickets or anything. It's just Jongdae. Jongdae frowning, being nervous, maybe a little afraid, but it's him and Yixing could lean forward or take the step down and be face to face with him and touch him. Turn his frown into the smile he missed so much. Turn his worry into something else. Something positive that says that Yixing will take the next step up with him and let Jongdae continue what he had in mind, but first... 

Yixing takes the step down, looks deep into Jongdae's eyes and smiles, reaching for both of his hands and pulls him up with him, pulling him into a deep hard kiss on the lips that makes the two of them smile after. "Let's go up the steps together."

When they reach the top bleacher together, Jongdae leans forward into Yixing's space to just kiss him. Kiss him hard, kiss him soft, kiss him with so many emotions, so much love, their hands searching for each other, their bodies becoming familiar with each other one more time and Yixing hopes it's the last time. They'll never separate again. Never, never, _NEVER_. It's too hard not feeling that sense of familiarity around him. Too, _too hard_. So Yixing kisses him back with just as much passion he can muster up, chasing Jongdae back to kiss his lips, cradle his face in his hand to keep him in place. But then Jongdae begins to talk and it's about Veronica and Yixing can literally feel himself freeze from head to toe. He promised to stay and stay he'll do, no matter who the topic is about.

"What about Veronica?" He asks, moving away now but still holding onto his hand.

"I left her. For good." He says and Yixing is confused. He shakes his head a little then moves his hand to get Jongdae to back up.

"What do you mean you left her? _You left her?_ " Yixing says in the most incredulous tone ever. Jongdae can't help but laugh towards Yixing's confusion but nods as he repeats what he just said.

"I left her, and I left her for good, she's no longer going to be part of my life or your life ever again."

"I don't understand. What happened?" A part of him doesn't want to ask because Jongdae is grinning. He's happy and he's happy for him but he's so confused. The other day he saw Jongdae go with Veronica. Just what happened between them that has her saying that she'll back up and that he's finally free from her?

"When I took her away the other day at the river, I'm so sorry if I hurt you or upset you over that, I had to do it. I... I was with Junmyeon and Luhan." He pauses, Yixing just squeezes his hand to get him to continue. He probably thought that Yixing will be mad at him for being with them, when he's not. He's curious as to why they were together but he's not mad. "I called Junmyeon one day asking him if I can talk to him so I can apologize about what happened between us and he said yes, but I also sort of asked Luhan to come because I didn't want it to be awkward just the two of us, anyway when you told Junmyeon that you were going after Veronica..."

"You were there and showed up to get her?" Yixing asks, Jongdae lowers his head then nods. He's ashamed, which he shouldn't be. So Yixing puts two fingers underneath Jongdae's chin and raises his head up to look him in the eye. "Don't be sad. I'm not mad. It did hurt when you left with her and didn't even look at me, I thought you hated me, but I think I know why you did it. I think it's one of the reasons why I even followed her in the first place."

"Why did you follow her in the first place?" Jongdae asks. Yixing leans back to look up at the sky. There's no stars around which he finds it OK. "I did it for you."

"For me?"

"Yeah. I mean what she did, I don't think I could ever forgive her. She's a horrible person. But she's someone who, I hate to say this, but she was there for you for a long time, she's someone you care about whether you admit it or not. So I thought if I wanted you back I had to accept her to be part of your life too because you'll want her in it no matter what. So I saw her and I followed her and I realized that she wasn't right. She seemed so out of it and that guy she was with looked a lot like you, so I couldn't help but follow her and see what she was up to." Jongdae can't help but stare at Yixing. Yixing is still looking up at the night sky and when he feels Jongdae staring at him, he turns and smiles, asking him what's up.

"You know you're the best human being, right?" He asks which makes Yixing laugh.

"Why are you saying that?"

"You were willing to accept her when she was the reason this whole thing between us happened. You figured that if I still wanted her in my life that you'll try to come up with some sort of agreement with her so the two of us could be together. No one has done that sort of thing before. Especially towards me. So you're amazing Zhang Yixing." Yixing is blushing and scratching the back of his neck as he doesn't know what to say. Jongdae laughs at him then leans forward to peck him on the lips instead.

"Well you're amazing too, you tried to make things right with Luhan and Junmyeon as well, right?" He asks with a slight hesitation in his voice. Jongdae makes a face then frowns. Yixing doesn't say anything after. He looks down at their joined hands and gulps down the lump that formed in his throat.

"It's not like that at all though." Jongdae says with a smile, as he cups Yixing's face in his hands to make him look up at him. "I mean, yes I did it for you too, but I also did it for myself." Yixing looks into his eyes as that has his attention. "I wanted to do it for you, and only you, but I thought that if I do it just for you then a part of me would never be ok with what happened between me and Luhan and Junmyeon. So if I wanted to start over and with a clean slate, I had to do it for myself too. I'm sorry Yixing, I wanted to tell you everything, but I had to make things right with the others first so I can make things right with you." Yixing doesn't say anything after that. He just puts his free hand over their joined hands and starts rubbing his palm over Jongdae's knuckles. Jongdae doesn't say anything either, just watches what Yixing is doing. When Yixing decides to speak up again he asks him about what Jongdae did during the time when he was away. Jongdae looks scared, but Yixing reassures him that he will never leave him and won't judge him. He didn't before, he wasn't going to start to now. When Jongdae agrees, Yixing listens intently and not once does he let Jongdae's hand go at all.

He starts with the whole drug and alcohol thing he did when he first ran off then moves on to talk about him leaving the apartment and his work and asking everyone he knows that if anyone is looking for him, to tell them that no one has seen him. He then talks about selling drugs then moving up to sleeping with clients instead. Yixing starts to cry but doesn't let go of Jongdae at all. It hurts him and makes him sick sitting there and listening to Jongdae tell him all the sick things people did to him or tried to do. The only time they pull away from each other is when Jongdae pulls his shirt up and shows Yixing some of the markings that he didn't have before down his back. With shaky hands he runs his fingers over the dark markings, then can't help but put himself over Jongdae's back as if protecting him then cries on his back. He hears Jongdae crying as well so they stay like that for a real long time. When they stop crying, Yixing kisses his back very softly, and pulls Jongdae into a hug and stay like that for a while. When Jongdae feels OK to talk again, he starts when Kris found him and what happened. That was the day Yixing and Luhan were there and how he felt really scared that the guy he lived with will do something to them. Yixing thanked him, kissed him for doing what he had to do but Jongdae was not done yet.

He talked about the fight that happened at the river when he went to go handle Jongin's dad's debt. How the cops showed up and arrested the men while everybody else ran away, including Jongdae, Kris, and Luhan. He talked about what happened between him and his mom that night he went home for the first time. Yixing cried,but mainly cried out of joy. He's glad that things between him and his mom went OK. That worried him a lot. He talked about going to the hospital and meeting Saint Zhang there and telling her that he wanted to get tested for any STD's. That made Yixing freeze in place and ask Jongdae to repeat it. Jongdae at first didn't want to, but Yixing reassured him that he wasn't going to leave or say anything bad to him, he just wanted to make sure if what Jongdae said was really true. So he repeated it again and started to cry harder than before. Apologized hundreds of times for doing that, for sleeping around, for thinking of Yixing during those nights that people beat him and wanted something else from him. For imagining Yixing hurting him when Yixing was just trying to protect him from himself. He keeps repeating sorry over and over again, that Yixing, who is crying as well for seeing Jongdae like this, can't help but pull Jongdae into his lap and just hold him.

"I love you so much, Jongdae. I love, love, _love_ , you no matter what. You're amazing, never forget that. You truly are the bravest person I've ever known. You don't have to apologize at all, Jongdae. Especially to me. You did what you had to do and it's over now. You never have to go into that life ever again. I'll protect you no matter what. I'll love you no matter what. I'm so proud of you. Remember that. _I love you, Jongdae._ No matter what you do or say can ever make me change my mind." Jongdae sobs into his chest and very shakily nods and says I love you back. He starts to smile as he feels Yixing start to kiss him all over his face, every now and then wiping his tears away and whispering how much he loves him, and neither Jongdae nor Yixing get tired of saying it or hearing it. "You know I'll love you with or without any STD. You're still Kim Jongdae to me, no matter what." Yixing speaks up after a while of the two of them crying and hugging and kissing and whispering I love you to each other. Now they were leaning back and holding each other's hands.

"I know, but good thing I'm negative."

"What?!"

"I'm negative. Well I do have some chlamydia, but your mom said that it will go away in no time as long as I keep taking medications, but other than that I'm negative."

"You're negative?!" There's so much joy in Yixing's tone, so much happiness in the way he smiles and looks at him, Jongdae can't help but sit up and laugh out of joy as well.

"I'm _fucking_ negative!" He yells out, along with a cheer while Yixing laughs out loud and pulls him in to kiss him hard on the lips. He immediately pulls away and looks at him worried. "You won't get infected unless we engage to sexual-" Jongdae gets interrupted.

"No, not that. I know it's not like that, I'm just... Are you ok? You're not in pain right?" He asks which makes Jongdae laugh out loud and shake his head.

"No I'm fine. Which it's weird, but I'm fine. Hopefully it goes away soon. I want to be officially done with it. And also, no one knows except maybe my mom, your mom, Kris and Luhan and maybe Junmyeon so can you please-"

"Not tell anyone? You got it." Yixing tells him. He's rubbing his thumbs over Jongdae's hands as he's holding both of them. There's silence between them again but it's easy to enjoy it when it's with each other. And it's actually not that quiet between them. Jongdae keeps leaning forward and presses kisses onto his lips or nose or right under his nose above his top lip. "I'm so happy for you, Jongdae. I just..."

"Want to scream to the world that we're finally here and together?"

"Exactly!" Yixing says as he stands up and yells out loud that he's happy and he loves Kim Jongdae. Jongdae laughs out loud and quickly stands up and does the same thing as well, except he yelled out his own name instead of Yixing's so Yixing smacks his arm playfully for not yelling out his name, but Jongdae makes it up to him by wrapping his arms around his waist and pulls him close.

"As cheesy as it sounds, you are my world so I'll whisper it out to you everyday. I love you, Zhang Yixing."

"And you're my stars, moon and universe. I love you too, Kim Jongdae." And they kiss one more time before pulling away and walking off of the school campus to head to the restaurant they promised to show up at.

-

When they get to the restaurant where they find out that it's actually a buffet instead, and yells are coming from their friends as they all hold their drinks up in the air as the two of them walk into the private room. Jongdae and Yixing laugh as once again they're holding hands, so everyone is joking around and commenting about that detail, that they've never let go of each other not even once. Baekhyun makes a joke that if someone needs the restroom they'll go together and hold each other's hands while the other stands in front of the urinal, Luhan jokes on how it could have been awkward for the two of them to have sex like that but Jongdae scoffs and smacks Luhan in the back of his head.

"Don't be nasty. We didn't do that."

"Sure you didn't." Baekhyun sneers but immediately quietens down when Jongin is the one who smacks him.

Yixing and Jongdae greet their mom's in the other table then sit down with their friends after. They're trying to listen to the conversation at hand but when their attention is on the two of them instead they share a look then stare at the group in front of them. "What?"

"Are you two not going to eat?" Junmyeon asks. Yixing and Jongdae share a look then shake their heads.

"Why not? Unless you two had your share of saltiness-"

"Oh my God, Luhan shut up!" Jongin yells out, as he reaches over and smacks Luhan's neck. He jumps in his seat for getting smacked while Yixing and Jongdae laugh at him.

"We didn't. I swear. We're just..."

"What's the point of eating if we're leaving soon." Yixing finishes after Jongdae, who nods.

"Where are you guys going?" Kris asks but both Yixing and Jongdae shake their heads as once again they answer together.

"Nowhere."

"Oh my God, can you two not be one. It's kind of freaky." Baekhyun yells out, as the others nod. Yixing and Jongdae laugh, share a look then say no at the same time.

"You guys are all done now, right? What's the point of eating when you're leaving now." Yixing answers now while Jongdae once again nods beside him.

"We can wait for you guys. Besides, we're not leaving yet since these guys insisted on eating desserts first than actual food." Kris answers as he motions towards Baekhyun, Chanyeol, Tao and Sehun who have a ton of cakes and cookies and other treats piled high on their plates. The rest of them have different foods or empty plates in front of them.

"Seriously? Won't they get stomach aches?"

"I'm not going to stop them." Kris answers Jongdae, as Baekhyun leans forward and feeds Jongdae a brownie. As soon as he takes a bite, they all start stuffing their faces with the desserts while the others watch or get up to get more food for themselves. Jongdae and Yixing get up and go get food together. They spent the whole time picking food for each other, piling their plates high, then going back to sit together and eat quietly as they watch the others around them still stuff their faces while the others ignore them and continue eating or start a conversation. Every now and then the others would include the two of them in, some just Yixing, or some just Jongdae, and whenever they included Jongdae in, Yixing couldn't help but feel really happy that he finally got what he wanted all along. He was even surprised that some of the parents even complimented Jongdae's voice and performances. Jongdae would just blush and say thank you. Yixing on the other hand would just smile and lean forward and kiss his cheek. He didn't care if anyone saw them or not.

When they finished eating and they all laughed at the four idiots for eating dessert first, and were complaining about having stomach aches now, Yixing would put his arm behind Jongdae's chair and sometimes poke his side or rub his hand over his arm while Jongdae would laugh or join in on the dessert eating challenge or engage in conversation with the others. He found that Luhan and Jongdae talked to each other like they've been friends for a long time, while with Junmyeon they looked like they've been the best friends this whole time. It was different. But it was interesting to look at. Baekhyun would feed Jongdae whatever he wanted him to try, while Jongin did the same thing as well. Kyungsoo and Minseok would talk to Jongdae, while Tao would try to butt in the conversation with Sehun but Sehun seemed to be blushing around Jongdae again. Which Yixing found it to be cute. Kris acted like an older brother to Jongdae, while him and Chanyeol would laugh at the dumbness that was Byun Baekhyun. Yixing was happy and it was clear to Kris that he was.

"Let's just talk for a bit." Kris told him when he tapped his arm to get his attention. Yixing got up and told Jongdae he'll be back, kissing him on the cheek, then following Kris towards the chocolate fountain the place had by the desserts for the kids to stick their food in. Yixing decided to get some chocolate covered strawberries while Kris decided to get some gummy bears for himself and fruit for Junmyeon. They didn't talk for a bit until they finished making their desserts and sat somewhere else to talk.

"You look very happy, I'm so happy for you."

"I am. You guys accepted Jongdae and he looks so happy too. I'm happy."

"Did he tell you what happened?" Kris asks, shoving a gummy bear into his mouth. Yixing nods, breaking a piece of chocolate on his plate. "So... Is he clean or not?" Kris asks. Yixing hesitates on answering but Jongdae did mention that Kris and Luhan knew, Jongdae must have forgotten to tell them the results.

"He's clean. He has chlamydia, but with medications he'll be cured in no time." Yixing answers. He watches Kris let out a sigh of relief, smiling after.

"I'm glad. He told me and Luhan in the car when we went to the bridge but he didn't tell us the results at all. I was starting to worry." Kris adds. Yixing wants to tell him that he told Luhan actually but must have forgotten to tell him as well, but stays quiet about it. There's no use telling him that now.

"Just don't tell anyone about it though. I don't think he wants to make Jongin worry about something that has no use now. Or maybe he'll tell him later."

Kris nods. "Yeah. He'll probably tell him later on." He stays quiet, shoves another gummy bear in his mouth, then speaks up. "I'm really happy for the two of you. You look like you're in heaven, but I think I have to ruin things for you for a bit, I'm sorry Yixing."

That makes Yixing worry. "What is it?" He frowns. Kris is frowning now, looking down at his gummy bears and shoving them on one side while he shoves Junmyeon's fruit onto the other side.

"Graduation is like... in a week. You're going to college, what about Jongdae?" He asks. Yixing looks down at his plate as well and frowns. He completely forgot about Jongdae and graduating. What are they going to do? How will things work out with Yixing in college and Jongdae, hopefully, staying another year to graduate? He didn't think about it. "I'm sorry I brought it up and ruined the mood-"

"No its fine. You're right. I didn't think about it. We're going to have to talk about that."

"Are you still planning on going away for school?" Kris asks. Yixing is very surprised that he brought it up because he honestly hasn't thought about that in a long long time. Now that Kris mentioned it, those talks about him talking about going away for school came rushing back, only this time he's not sure if he even wants that anymore. "I know you two just got each other back, but don't put your dreams on hold just for the two of you to be together. He'll understand. And I'm sure if it was the other way around, you'll understand."

"No, I know. I just... Haven't thought about going away for a long long time. It just caught me off guard."

"So you're going to stay?" Kris asks. Yixing just looks at him as he doesn't really know.

-

When they finished their talk and went back to their table, Jongdae giving a small performance requested by the parents, including Baekhyun and Kyungsoo because he was shy and nervous, Yixing couldn't help but hug him tight and kiss him in front of everyone. They all finished eating and were ready to go, but Yixing didn't want to let Jongdae go. Jongdae wanted to invite him to sleep over but since their house only has two rooms and their grandmother was sleeping in their room and Jongdae and Jongin were sleeping in the living room, he didn't want him to sleep in the living room with them at all where it will be really uncomfortable for him.

"Jongdae can sleep over, if it's alright with you?" Saint Zhang speaks up, referring to Jongdae's mom. She smiles as she's ok with it but whispers quietly to Saint Zhang that she doesn't want the two of them to be doing more than sleeping. Saint Zhang laughs and promises that they won't do anything else other than sleep. So the two go home together, wishing everyone else a good night and good bye, as they all go off their own ways. Yixing is really quiet throughout the car drive as he let Jongdae sit in the front for him and his mom to talk. He only talks a little when they talk to him then listens quietly as he hears the two of them continue their conversation. He wants to deny that Kris didn't get to him, but Kris got to him. He needs to talk to Jongdae about what's going to happen between them, but he just wants to enjoy the time they have together right now. He doesn't want to think about the future but think about Jongdae. 

"Yixing?"

"Hmm?"

"You're being really quiet." Jongdae says, pulling Yixing out of his thoughts. He then realizes that they're in his room and Jongdae is shirtless. He can't help but stare now. "Are you ok?" He asks. Yixing smiles then turns to him and steps forward to pull Jongdae close to him.

"I am now." He answers, trying to kiss Jongdae but Jongdae blushes and steps back as his mom is going to show up any second now. And when she does she makes the two of them step away and throw Jongdae some flowery pajamas for him to wear.

"I don't want neither of you sleeping in just your boxers tonight or your hormones will act up." She tells them. Jongdae laughs out loud as he understands while Yixing busies himself with spreading blankets on the floor. "You too, Yixing."

"Got it, Mom."

"Good. Alright you two. I love you both. Good night." She tells them, pulling them both into a tight hug then kisses their temples. She tells them that she has to wake up early for work tomorrow but Yixing is out of it once again while Jongdae promises to keep it down. As soon as she's gone and Jongdae closes the door, he gets Yixing out of his thoughts again by kissing him.

"What's wrong? You've been quiet since you and Kris got back from the desserts. Is something wrong?" He asks. Yixing could deny it but it's evident right across his face that something is on his mind and it's bugging him. He sighs, squares up his shoulders and makes sure he sits Jongdae down onto his bed as he stands in front of him, holding his hands tight as he takes a second to sort of word things out.

"Jongdae..." That's all he could bring himself to say and he feels pathetic for not being able to square up and just blurt it out. Jongdae just smiles at him. The bright sunshine like smile that lights up any room he's in, so Yixing pulls him into a hug and whispers into the crook of his neck. "I love you."

"I love you too."

-

That night they didn't fall asleep until the early hours of the morning. Jongdae wasn't done telling Yixing everything and the biggest reveal to him was that Jongdae was curious about his dad. His real dad. But when he revealed that his real dad is dead, Yixing felt bad. He seemed like he really wanted to meet the guy, especially when his mom told him that he looks and is a lot like him. Yixing thinks that Jongdae looks more like his mother but if Jongdae looks more like his dad, then they're maybe close to identical. They're definitely the phrase of "like father, like son."

"Why don't you ask about your grandmother or grandfather from your dad's side?" Yixing whispers as him and Jongdae are laying on top of the blankets, cuddling against each other and playing with each other's hands. They may be wearing pants but shirts are definitely off and every now and then Yixing kisses Jongdae's bare chest or the other way around. Sometimes Jongdae rolls over on top of him and rests his chin onto Yixing's chest and looks into his eyes like that while Yixing's fingers run over Jongdae's hair. Right now they're both laying on their backs, holding hands and hovering them in the air as Jongdae traces the bumps of their laced knuckles and fingers.

"I would, but my mom lost contact with that family a long time ago. When my grandfather died and my dad left my mom, they also lost touch with my grandmother, even though they were the best of friends. I guess they were embarrassed that their son knocked up my mom but decided to be with someone else instead of sticking around and help raise a child."

"That sucks." Yixing whispers while Jongdae nods beside him. "You don't have to answer but your grandmother is pretty young too. Did she have your mom at a young age?" Jongdae stays quiet for a long time but Yixing didn't pay attention that Jongdae nodded beside him. He completely missed it. "Jongdae?"

"Sorry. I nodded instead of answered, but yeah. She had her at a young age too. Well not young-young like my mom, but young. When they found out that they were pregnant, they got married and… yeah. My grandfather didn't have a job or any "skills" so he joined the military. He was a hard ass and a military guy all his life. Then one day he died and that was it. I never met him and I think it affected my mom really badly and since she didn't have any siblings whatsoever to get their guidance she turned out the way she did. My dad leaving her affected her so much as well. She lost contact with so many people, she has no idea where my dad's parents or family could be at."

"Did he have siblings?" Yixing asks, turning his head to look at Jongdae now. Jongdae turns onto his side as well to look at Yixing and shrugs. "You don't know?"

"I never asked."

"If you had a chance to find them, will you meet them? His parents and family, I mean." Jongdae stays quiet as he thinks about it. He then shrugs and pouts, his eyes welling up with tears. Yixing gasps a little then hugs him into his chest. He didn't want that reaction out of him at all. "Don't cry, Jongdae. I'm sorry."

"Its not that." He chokes out. Yixing moves back to look down at him. "I don't know if they're going to be accepting towards me. I never met them, they never met me, once they see me covered in tattoos and found out what I did... They're not-"

"They're going to love you, Jongdae. You're charming as hell, one of the nicest people I've ever met, and I'm sure they'll be interested in getting to know _you_ and not what you've done. You should give it a chance. If you don't like it or them, then that's it. At least you gave it a shot." Jongdae looks up at Yixing with a cute pout on his lips. Yixing can't help but to smile at him, telling him what he wants to hear. "I'll be with you throughout the whole thing. I promise."

"Thank you, Yixing."

"You're welcome." Yixing whispers back, holding Jongdae closer to him. "What happened to Veronica?" Yixing asks before they fall asleep. Jongdae sits up as he never really told Yixing what happened with her.

"I convinced her to go to rehab. She's no longer tied down in this town. She's somewhere far from here." Jongdae says, Yixing could practically hear him smile.

"Do you see yourself doing the same? Or sticking around here for a while?" Yixing asks but Jongdae doesn't answer as he fell asleep already. With the sun slowly peeking in through the window, the two finally sleep in each other's arms after a long time.

-

Around late afternoon and a phone call from Jongin to wake them both up, Jongdae and Yixing spend their whole Saturday together, including his mom, grandmother, and Jongin. Yixing definitely does not mind it one bit as they all tend to do things together. They showed up late but were able to help Jongdae's grandmother or mom do some work in the kitchen as they prepared lunch. After lunch, what seemed to take about 2 hours, everyone still sat around and talked while Jongin ran off to go get a board game. Yixing was surprised that they can get competitive, but still had the greatest attitude towards each other. If one of them won they would cheer and give random kitchen items as "prizes". Yixing loved the environment around them, he didn't want to leave. They were really family oriented. But when Jongdae's mom had a huge coughing fit that took her a while to stop, Yixing felt out of place. The only thing he could do was sit back and watch as Jongin and Jongdae will do anything to get her to stop.

That evening when their grandmother went out to run some errands, and Jongin decided to go to sleep with his mom for a few minutes, Jongdae stepped outside and cried in Yixing's arms. Yixing could see that even though he looked fine, a small part of Jongdae still craved cigarettes or drugs, that a tiny part of him wanted to go out and do whatever he can to make money and pay for his mom's chemo. It was selfish to do so but Yixing saw it as the perfect time to bring up the future. And with a scared tone in his voice Jongdae answered very truthfully.

_"I don't know. All I know is that I don't want to lose her, or you. I'm happy, Yixing."_

"I don't want to lose you either, Jongdae. But right now the future is happening and I want to know... What are your plans? You know I'll help you in any way that I can. But if I decide to stay or leave... I want to know what you decide so we could be together. I know I'm asking a lot, but... I just want to know."

Jongdae doesn't say anything. He doesn't get a chance to answer at all because his grandmother came back with a couple of bags, so Jongdae hurries over to help. Yixing decides to leave right that very moment as he thinks he won't be able to handle the answer right there. He didn't even say good bye or thanked them for a great time, he was already feeling tears threatening to escape. Later on that night when he's at home alone he gets a text.

_Can I pick you staying with me? That's what I want. Whether you're here or there or anywhere, promise you'll stay with me?_

"I'll always stay with you. But that's not the answer I'm looking for."

_What is it then?_

"I guess we'll find out until the end of the new week."

-

Sunday morning, Yixing is surprised to find Jongdae outside his backyard with his mom. The two are looking over at the small area they were supposed to do together, but couldn't. Jongdae compliments Saint Zhang like there's no end though. She did an amazing job. Yixing wants to step outside and ask why Jongdae is there, or more like hear what they're talking about as they sound a bit muffled. He wants to step closer but he doesn't want to make his appearance known. Not yet. When his mom turns to leave and sees him standing by the sliding door, she doesn't say anything to get Jongdae to turn around. Just smiles and jerks her head to the side towards Jongdae's direction. He quietly steps outside then stops in his tracks as Jongdae suddenly bows in front of his grandmother's picture. _Jongdae is bowing at my grandmother?_

"Hello." Jongdae greets. There's a second that Yixing thinks he's greeting him, but let's out a breath as Jongdae continues. "I'm Jongdae. Kim Jongdae. I heard a lot about you and I'm sorry that I'm barely greeting you now." Yixing is starting to feel guilty for being there while Jongdae is paying his respects. He's about to turn around and go back inside until Jongdae speaks up again and mentions Yixing. "I'm in love with your grandson, Yixing. He's a wonderful guy. I've never met anyone like him. You did an amazing job at raising him, Mrs... I'm sorry, I don't know your name. I should've asked your daughter before." Yixing covers his mouth and laughs as he finds it really adorable.

"You can scold me all you want. I definitely need it. Your grandson and daughter have told me multiple times that you'll like me and we'll get along great. But to be honest I think I need a firm hand to put me in place. I messed up a lot and I heard that you were that kind of woman. Putting the trouble makers in place. I definitely need it now when I hurt your grandson."

Yixing's eyebrow arches up as he doesn't recall Jongdae hurting him. _When did you hurt me, Jongdae?_

"Yesterday your grandson asked me about the future. And the truth is, I don't want to think about it because it scares me, but I do know that I want him to stay with me. But I can't ask him to do that, especially when he mentioned something about leaving. If he's leaving to go chase his dreams I should definitely let him go, right?" Jongdae asks. But like others, he gets no answer. Unless he turns around and looks directly at Yixing. Yixing who is shaking his head no and wants to run to him and tell him not to think that way because that's not what he's planning at all. He wants to stay with Jongdae no matter what, but since he did talked about leaving, in the back of his head he still sees it as an option. An option that if Jongdae takes it, he'll follow him. "My mother is dying. She doesn't want to go through chemo." Jongdae continues. "I want her to, so badly, but she seems set on it and no one can really change her mind. She says she'll think about it, but honestly I don't think she even knows what she wants. She's probably scared and it's OK. I understand her, but it's not fair for me to ask Yixing to stay by my side when he should be out there chasing his dreams. And I honestly don't want to make a decision until my mother decides on what she wants. If she chooses chemo, I'll do anything to get that money to help her, if not then... I'll go back to school. I know I should make my own decisions but... I just got him and my mother back. I don't want to lose any of them. What should I do?"

Yixing is quickly inside before Jongdae turns around and catches him eavesdropping. He didn't hear the ending other than Jongdae asking what should he do. Yixing feels crappy but when Jongdae walks inside, a bright grin on his face and greeting him good morning, everything melts away and he just wants Jongdae. That moment there's no future. Just the two of them.

"You're here."

"Yeah. Is that ok?"

Yixing nods. "That's more than ok. I'm actually glad you're here. I want to take you somewhere." Jongdae cocks his head to the side adorably as he doesn't know where Yixing plans to take him. Yixing just smiles and takes his hand to lead him into his room so he can get ready. "I hope it's not a horrible surprise." Yixing tells him as he changes into a different shirt.

"Honestly, I think compared to what I've been through, it would never be a horrible surprise." Jongdae says honestly but Yixing just ignores the comment as he continues getting ready.

Saint Zhang was going in late for work so she had the opportunity to drive the two of them to the destination Yixing wanted to go. She had to leave quickly so Yixing and Jongdae were going to be stuck taking the bus after they finished with the surprise. Yixing was excited, not just for the surprise itself but because he gets to ride the bus and go in adventures with Jongdae around the city once again. Thanks to Jongdae, Yixing has been to places he's never been to. It was always a fun thing to experience while with him. Saint Zhang makes a right turn then a left and stops in front of a gate. The place is very green with lots of trees, Jongdae mistakes it for a park.

"Its not a park, sweetie. It's a cemetery." She tells him as Yixing gets out of the car and opens Jongdae's door so he could get out too.

"Why are we here?" He asks, turning to Yixing who has been quiet throughout the car ride, now that he notices.

"You'll see." He answers, kissing his mom goodbye as she pulls away from the gate and waves at Jongdae goodbye. Jongdae just takes Yixing's hand and follows him inside, walking down a long winding path that just leads to more grass and trees. They make small talk throughout the walk, Jongdae once again asking if it's really not a park, or at least a golf course but Yixing just laughs and denies it. Jongdae then talks about the last time he's been to a cemetery and apparently there are some places that host Halloween events by showing old monster movies at a graveyard.

"We should go sometime."

"Yeah. It sounds like fun." Yixing answers, starting to slow down as they come across some steps covered in grass. The place looks more magical than graveyard like, making Yixing wonder if they really are at the right spot. He looks around once then leads Jongdae down the steps and towards another wooded like area. There's less trees here but there's still trees around, some with colorful ribbon wrapped around the trunk. When Yixing spots a tree with light blue ribbon around its trunk, he starts to run, leading Jongdae after him.

"I found it!!!"

"Found what?" Jongdae asks. Yixing smiles and points to a small headstone. They walk a bit closer to see what it says and who it belongs to, and when they're in front of it, Jongdae gasps. He looks at Yixing skeptically, then around the whole place then down at the headstone. There are tears blinding his eyesight as he stares down then looks back up at Yixing.

"You found him? How?" His voice is breaking, it doesn't take Yixing one second to step forward and cup Jongdae's face in his hands and wipe the tears away.

"My mom has been looking for him. She told me that you've wondered if he was alive, so she started her search, but when you told her that he was dead recently, she felt that she had to search harder. She found him yesterday when I left your place. She was going to take you to him whether you wanted it to or not. You deserve to know who he was." The two of them have their backs turned towards the headstone as Jongdae noticed something there but did not want to take a good look at it until he asked Yixing questions. And also until he was ready to face what it says, how his father looks like, and if he really does look like him.

"My stomach hurts so bad right now." Jongdae jokes, clutching his stomach with his arms. Yixing laughs and nods as he knows how he feels.

"It's the butterflies. You're nervous. It's ok." He encourages him, but Jongdae continues to cry, wiping his tears away with his thumb. He's trying to smile but the smile fades away as he grows serious but goes back to trying to smile again. He doesn't know what to feel.

"My mom is going to flip." He laughs.

"She'll get mad?"

"No... She'll want to know how it went. I'm nervous." He laughs again, Yixing laughs with him. He's suddenly pulled in as Jongdae grabbed his shirt and pulled him in to kiss him. Yixing kisses him back, but pulls away so Jongdae can turn around to look.

"I'll be here."

"Ok." Jongdae nods, swallowing the lump that formed in his throat, counting silently to himself to three, when he turns around to be face to face with the headstone, there's a moment where they both feel that time stood still for them. Jongdae doesn't make noise and neither does Yixing. A long minute of Jongdae not reacting, is making Yixing nervous. When he hears a laugh coming from Jongdae, he quietly asks if there's something wrong. "I really do look like him."

"What?" 

"I look like him, Xing. I look like my dad!" Jongdae is so excited, he can't help but laugh, and laugh, and grab onto Yixing's arm and pull him close so he can see for himself. He reads the headstone first. _A son and brother and someone taken from us too fast. May he rest in peace._ Jongdae has an uncle or uncles. Maybe even Aunts! When Yixing looks down to see what's there he notices a silver flask, some flowers, and a picture of the man and-

"Oh my God! You really do look a lot like him."

"I told you. Oh my God! I can't believe I'm here!" Jongdae laughs. Tears of joy trailing done his face. "Thank you, Yixing. I'll thank your mom later but right now... I dont know how to repay you." He has tears welling up again, Yixing laughs and leans forward to wipe them away.

"You don't have to repay me at all. I'm glad we did it. Just talk to him. Introduce yourself." Yixing suggests. Jongdae looks a bit nervous but takes a big breath in then exhales as he begins. Yixing watches from a few feet away to give him privacy and smiles. Jongdae is happy. Laughing that he looks like his dad and that the two of them are very alike. If Jongdae is happy, then so is he. He watches as Jongdae stands there and talks to his dad. There are moments where Jongdae just grows quiet, but Yixing thinks that it's just Jongdae taking a moment to think about what to say. The smile on Jongdae's face is indescribable. It's beautiful and Yixing is glad that Jongdae finally has happiness in his life. No one is going to take that away from him now. Yixing will do anything to protect it.

"Who are you?" Yixing turns around as a light voice behind him asked. There's a woman with a little girl holding her hand as she carries a basket in her other hand. Yixing smiles at the two of them but frowns when the woman doesn't look too happy that they're there. Yixing can't help but clutch his stomach now as he's getting a bad feeling. _Oh crap._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Honestly I don't know what I'm doing at this point lol. I hope it turns out for the best. I'm including a playlist at the end of the story with songs that were mentioned on here, so if you have a song in mind that you would like to be part of it, let me know. It can be anything. If it reminds you of the story or any of the characters in it, let me know and I'll add it in. ^^ Thank you to every one of you for liking, subscribing, voting, commenting, reading, glancing, kudos, hits, and everything in between. You have no idea how much in the world it means to me. It always makes my day! So thank you! ^^ I really don't know how to repay all of you.
> 
> Stay With Me is now on Asianfanfics! So if you’re interested on reading there, you can do so **[here!](https://www.asianfanfics.com/story/view/1110551/stay-with-me-chenlay-xingdae-highschoolau-laychen-kimjongbros-minorcharacterdea-punkau/18)** See you there! ^^
> 
> Any questions or comments or critiques or you just want to say hi or yell at me for whatever, or just want to talk about anything, or ask me really random questions, or want to discuss, you can do so **[here.](http://ask.fm/piratenat)** Seriously, come talk to me. Let me know about songs that you would like to see be part of the playlist.
> 
> *If you're interested in messaging me on tumblr in case I don't reply to you soon, or just want to check it out, you can do so  **[here!](http://sjabe.tumblr.com/)** Its a bad edits side blog so I can't follow back, but if you want me to, let me know and I'll follow back from my main. ^^ Have a great day or night! ^^ ✌☺*


	24. Chapter 24

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Noooooooo I really wanted to post this on Yixing's birthday. I have failed! Anyway, happy late birthday Yixing. I am so so proud of you, words cannot explain how much you mean to me, am proud of you, and how grateful I am of you. Thank you for everything you've done. I hope you had a fantastic day filled with love and balloons and cake. Happy birthday!!!
> 
>  **WARNING: This chapter is angsty. It has mentions of suicide, death both major and minor, depending on your Pov I guess, slight homophobia and talk about drugs and abuse. If you DO NOT like then I suggest you DO NOT READ AT ALL.** Thank you and enjoy or not enjoy since it's angsty and I'm really sorry for this. Bye ^^

Yixing smiles at the two of them but frowns when the woman doesn't look too happy that they're there. "Do you guys know him or something? Or are you guys here for someone else?" _She knows Jongdae's dad!_ Yixing is internally screaming as he stands there staring at the woman like he's been caught doing the most heinous thing ever. He wants to turn to look at Jongdae, but he's honestly scared of moving. The woman doesn't look too frightening. Or none at all actually. She's harmless, but Yixing finds that if he suddenly moves he'll scare the little girl, and if he scares her, Jongdae will turn and the woman will definitely think that they were both there for bad intentions. _But who is she? Is she the_ other _woman? Or maybe an aunt? Or is she actually here for someone else?_

"Are you not going to answer me?" She asks, her eyebrow arching perfectly up as she looks at him like he's the most oddest thing in the world. She then gasps a little then leans forward. "I'm sorry. Are you a mute?"

"No! I mean, no. I'm not a mute. I'm sorry. I just... Didn't know how to react." Yixing tells her, looking down at the little girl who is trying to hide herself behind the woman's legs. He smiles at her, hopefully to give the sign that he's not there to do anything harmful.

"Who are you guys? Why are you here?" She asks again. The tone of her voice sounds different than before. Before she seemed like she wanted to sound a bit threatening that they were there. Now it's almost the same but a bit curious, more toned down. _Should I ask who is she and why is she here?_

"I'm... We're..." The woman cocks her eyebrow at him as if asking him to hurry up and answer. Yixing is overwhelmed. He doesn't know what to say. He's glad that Jongdae is a couple of feet away from them to avoid the situation but he could turn any second now and wonder what's going on.

"Mommy, who is he?" The little girl asks. _She just spoke up in Spanish?!! The little girl speaks Spanish!_ Yixing doesn't know what to do. He's frozen and staring wide eyed at them. 

"Its ok, Sofia. Mommy will figure it out." The woman answers in English. _The little girl must be bilingual if she could speak Spanish and understand English._ "Do you guys know him? Who are you guys?" She asks again.

"I'm his son." Jongdae suddenly says behind Yixing. Yixing turns around to look at him as Jongdae stands there watching the two of them. He's nervous and maybe a little scared, so Yixing turns to look at the woman's reaction instead. He's surprised that she's gasping and looking at Jongdae wide eyed like he was seconds ago. She drops the basket onto the grass and lets go of her daughter's hand so she can run into Jongdae and pull him into a hug.

"I can't believe you're alive." She mumbles. Jongdae is frozen still as the woman's arms are around him and is crying. He looks to Yixing for help but he's just as startled as him. He shrugs then turns to the little girl who is confused as to why her mom is crying and hugging a strange man. "You're alive. I can't believe it." She pulls arms length away to wipe her eyes then look up at him. "I-I'm... so-sorry. I couldn't help myself. We've been trying to search for you for years but we never found anything. We all thought that you were dead. I can't believe that you're alive, Jongdae."

"You seriously know who I am?" Jongdae asks, eyebrow going up. The woman nods and wipes her eyes again, she turns around to call forth her daughter but the little girl is shaking her head as she seems shy and doesn't want to go.

"It's alright." The woman tells her, the little girl takes one step forward but then gets picked up in the air from her mom as she walks towards Jongdae and introduces the little girl to him. "This is my daughter, Sofia. Your dad used to spoil her rotten."

_What?!_

"Hang on. My dad was alive when she was alive?! I thought he died around his early 20's." Yixing tries to do the math in his head and Jongdae is right. The little girl must at least be 6 years old. Jongdae right now is still 17. There's no way his dad would've been alive when he was 11. Yixing finds himself going to Jongdae and stick by his side as he's starting to feel that maybe Jongdae won't like what's coming next.

"He died when she was three. Believe me, we all thought he died early too since he disappeared. But he apparently was alive, didn't have any memory of who he was other than he knew he had a son and grew attached to her. He later on passed away." Yixing can feel his hand getting held really tight. Or he's not sure if he's the one doing all the hand tightening. Either way, Jongdae is really frigid and staring at the woman and child as he can't wrap his head around what he just got told. Yixing feels the same way.

"Jongdae?" Yixing whispers, rubbing Jongdae's back to get him to do anything. He got him to at least shake his head and look up at her.

"Who the hell are you? Why have you been looking for me?" The woman frowns, setting her daughter down and telling her in Spanish, what Yixing assumes to go get the basket since that's what the little girl ran off to do. She struggles a little but brings it over as the woman smiles at her, leaning down to kiss the little girl's forehead to thank her.

"I'm really sorry. Like I said, I couldn't help myself. The second you said that you're his son, I... I grew overjoyed and just had to hug you. I'm actually- "

"Oh god. Please don't tell me that you're the bitch who tried to kill my father?" Jongdae asks but Yixing shushes him as the little girl is right there and shouldn't hear such foul language. Jongdae looks at him for a split second then at the little girl. He apologizes in Spanish to her, making her smile.

"You speak Spanish, Jongdae?" The woman then asks, her tone sounding hopeful and surprised, but Jongdae immediately crushes that hopeful tone when he tells her no.

"Who are you?"

"I'm... Actually no one to you. I'm not related to you or anything like that. I'm more of... your aunt."

"You're my dad's sister?" Jongdae asks, the woman shakes her head no. "My uncle's wife?" She shakes her head again. "Then what the f-" He quickly stops himself as he remembers that the little girl is there. "Then what are you?"

"One of your dad's best friends. Only, I married our other friend, who was raised with your dad like a brother." Jongdae looks over at Yixing. He's trying to gauge his reaction, only Yixing doesn't know how to react so Jongdae just stares at the woman then at the child. _Maybe Jongdae deep down thought that the little girl would be his half sister or niece._ Yixing looks at the little girl again. But to really look at her. She looks a bit more like Jongin than Jongdae if he's honest, the resemblance with Jongdae, there's nothing there.

"Jongdae?" Yixing speaks up.

"We have a lot to talk about. Have you two had breakfast yet?" She asks. Yixing looks at Jongdae but it seems like he's not in the mood to answer so he answers for the both of them.

"We actually didn't get a chance to eat much."

"That's good. Good thing I brought enough food for all of us then." She motions towards the basket, then smiles at the little girl so they can start setting up. Yixing doesn't know where they could set up to eat, he's not even sure if Jongdae even wants to stick around, but when the little girl brings out a blanket from the basket and starts extending it out on the grass, Yixing thinks they're going to set up right on Jongdae's dad's grave.

"Umm. Is this OK?"

"Of course it is. As long as we don't leave any mess behind, then all is good." He continues watching as the little girl even sets up colorful rocks down in each corner of the blanket to keep the blanket from moving, then runs to her mom as she hands her food packaging for her to set down neatly in a circle. There are containers containing lettuce, another has tomatoes, while others have fruits, Yixing starts to think it's more of a picnic than breakfast. Jongdae is standing still as he doesn't know what to do so Yixing tries to coax him by rubbing his back.

"Jongdae?"

"Do you think I should stay?" He suddenly asks. Yixing admits that he smiled in relief that very moment. "I mean, she said it herself that she's nothing to me. _They're_ nothing to me. Should I stay?"

Yixing doesn't miss the emphasis on "they're". He smiles at Jongdae for that. "You were hoping that the little girl meant something to you, weren't you?"

"Of course!" Jongdae says out loud. He then clears his throat and apologizes, not to the woman, but to the little girl. The little girl only blinks then smiles at him. "Look at her. She's so cute, Yixing. I just... I honestly was getting angry at the thought of my dad finding another girl and getting her pregnant, getting angry at the fact that this woman might have been the one who would drug him, but seeing her..."

"You wanted to be different to her from what people are used to?" Yixing suggests, Jongdae lowers his head then nods.

"I wanted to be the Kim Jongdae that no one knows about. The one with a clean slate and starts over. That no one knows anything about him but that I'm a good friend or person and maybe even a good brother. The one who will protect whoever is by his side no matter what." Yixing smiles at him. Jongdae then realizes that Yixing might see what he said wrong. He immediately looks up at him and shakes his head. "No wait, I mean it... Of course I'll protect you no matter what, I just..."

"I got what you meant and it's OK. Really. I'm actually a bit disappointed that she's not related to you at all, but she did say that your dad and her husband were raised like brothers. Maybe you should stick around and find out what she means by that. You came all this way, don't you think you should go towards the end of it?"

"Why am I so fucking scared though?" Jongdae whispers.

"You're not. You're nervous. You're afraid of what you'll find out and what she'll find out. Just be honest. In the end, you at least found out things about who you really are." Yixing offers Jongdae a smile to get him to smile back. When Jongdae smiles back and they pull each other into a hug, a quick peck on the lips when they pull away, they're suddenly staring at each other in horror as they realize what they just did. The little girl, Sofia, saw them and gasped out loud then ran to her mom to tell her what she just saw. Yixing couldn't understand a single thing the little girl was saying and he's sure Jongdae wasn't understanding anything either, but the way the little girl climbed onto her mother's lap and was giggling and covering her mouth then looking over at the two of them, she seemed happy.

"Jongdae?" Yixing whispers.

"Does she seem-"

"Happy? Yeah. We could be wrong though."

"Umm Sofia tells me that you two kissed. Are you two..." The woman speaks up. Jongdae and Yixing share a look with one another then at the woman in front of them. They could deny everything but they'll just seem like ass holes for doing that to the little girl. So it's best to tell the truth. But Yixing feels like denying anyway. What if she's homophobic? It could ruin Jongdae's chance at meeting his other family. But there's also that really strong half of him that wants to say yes and say it loud and say it proud. Yes he just kissed Kim Jongdae. The guy he's crazy in love with and is crazy proud of and if his family won't accept Jongdae for who he is then it does not matter because Yixing will love him with his every fiber in his being. He loves him and he'll do anything to make him happy.

"Is it a problem?" Jongdae asks. He's reaching down for Yixing's hand and starts to squeeze as hard as he can. _He's afraid that she'll say yes. He wants to stay and get to learn more, he's afraid that this could change that._

"If it's a problem, then you have no idea what you're losing!"

"Yixing!"

"Jongdae is a great guy and if you think that him liking guys is a pretty big problem then you're doing the biggest mistake in your life if you don't want anything to do with him. Whoever he likes should not be anywhere near considered a problem. Because honestly that should not matter. What matters is that he's a great guy and will never do anything to hurt you or your little girl or the rest of your family. If anything, he'll probably bring more sunshine into your lives. Accept him for who he is. Not for the sex he likes or the things he's into. He doesn't deserve that at all. All his life he's always been pushed away for being different. Well that stops today. Are you ok with him being into guys, yes or no? If you say no, I swear we'll walk away and you'll never hear or see him anywhere near here again."

"Yixing." Jongdae whispers, turning his back towards the little girl and woman. "Its ok. If they say no I'm OK with it. I just..."

"If they want to get to know you then they should get to know the real you, Jongdae. Don't hide anything from anyone anymore. I know I may have ruined that chance now but they really need to see you for who you are. I'm done with people treating you differently. That changes right now, I'll make sure of it." Jongdae takes a second to look into Yixing's eyes then gulps down whatever fear was trying to get out. He gives him a nod then turns back to face the little girl and woman, the two of them staring at him then staring at each other.

"Tell them what you told me." The woman says in Spanish. Jongdae understood a little while Yixing just stares at them trying to read their body language instead. The little girl blushes then shakes her head. "It's ok. Tell them."

"They kissed and they looked so cute doing it." The girl says in Spanish while her mother translated what she said. Jongdae and Yixing look at each other then at the little girl. They're confused and possibly scaring the little girl for staring at her but they can't believe that the little girl thought that they looked cute. What about them makes people think they're cute?

"She thinks we're cute?" Jongdae asks. The girl nods.

"She could understand us?" Yixing asks this time and the little girl nods again. "Can you speak English?" Yixing tries again but the girl frowns, trying to make herself seem smaller in her mother's lap.

"She knows some of it but since her father and I are trying to get her to learn Spanish first, she uses that as her way to communicate with others. That's why I was surprised that you knew Spanish, Jongdae. Your father spoke some of it as well." When Jongdae gives Yixing a subtle look, that's when he knows that Jongdae decided to stay. They both sit down on top of the blanket, holding tight onto each other's hands, listening to what the woman has to say. She starts with introducing herself, her name being Stacy. Jongdae and Yixing have to admit that they didn't really catch her name at first because they were busy paying more attention to the little girl. She was trying to make them sandwiches, so watching the little girl delicately put the lettuces or tomatoes on top of the bread was really cute and distracting for them.

"Your dad, my husband, and I were high school friends but your dad and my husband grew up together. Your dad was a foster kid growing up. He went from house to house and from families to families. He never had a set place." Yixing turns his head to look at Jongdae, to see his reaction, but he just seems to be paying attention intently at her. _So far so good._ "We never really learned what happened to him and his family and I think a big part of all of us did not want to find out. When he came into my husband's home, my mother in law decided to adopt him since he fit in well with the family. He got along with my husband and everyone in the family loved him. The thing though was that he didn't really speak the language since they are Hispanic, unless my husband translated for him but he liked being there, he felt like he belonged, so the two of them grew up together. Like brothers."

From the corner of his eye, Yixing sees Jongdae nodding. He doesn't say anything, thinking there's more. And he's right. She goes on, on how the two of them grew up, and how Jongdae's dad started learning the language, how he messed up and got involved with bad people. And by bad people, Jongdae's dad sort of joined a gang and got into so much trouble, he had to have a probation officer on him for almost two years. He started to calm down but a part of him still wanted to run around and do what he wanted. And he did, he got hooked on drugs and hooked up with girls then wouldn't call them back.

"He always said that he was never addicted, that the drugs were addicted to him. Stupid, really but that's the kind of guy he was. He joked around a lot, we weren't sure when he was being serious or not. But no matter what, my mother in law always took him in with warm arms. He loved her a lot. He always wanted to change for her but he couldn't. It was hard for him so they did what they thought was best. They moved away and became friends with your mother's parents." Jongdae sits up straighter at the sound of this. "It was a new town, and a new neighborhood so becoming friends with their neighbors seemed like the best idea. Everyone got along and your dad fell in love with your mom, but he couldn't really commit to her. He was messed up. He knew that and didn't really want to get involved with her and mess her up either. She was too good with maybe a small hidden bad girl side that was trying to get out. When she met your dad, little by little it happened."

Yixing keeps rubbing Jongdae's back as he's too stiff right now. He's not really moving much and not saying anything, it's making him worry a little. When Sofia suddenly climbs into Jongdae's lap and wipes his face, Yixing is shocked to find him crying. "Jongdae, you're crying?"

"I'm sorry." Jongdae speaks up, his voice breaking a little. He's been keeping it to himself this whole time. Yixing scoots closer and pulls Jongdae into his arms, Jongdae trying to keep Sofia from being crushed between them. "I just feel... Damn it, I don't know how to explain it, but I feel like I'm finally learning who I am."

"Its ok, Dae. You're emotional because you're happy. You're finally finding out about your parents."

"Yeah." Jongdae says, pulling away as he wipes his eyes with his hands. Yixing kisses his forehead while Sofia smiles up at Jongdae. Yixing doesn't want to say it, or even let it go to his head, but a little girl on Jongdae's lap just looks and feels really right. Sofia keeps reaching up and wiping Jongdae's tears while Jongdae half smiles and laughs as he pokes Sofia's cheeks. Yixing wants to jump in as well but right now he feels that Jongdae needs it more, became Sofia's chosen one. He doesn't want to ruin that.

"You remind me a lot of your dad, Jongdae. I think Sofia thinks the same way too."

"How is it that Jongdae's dad was still alive though? Why did everyone think he was dead?" Jongdae looks up after what Yixing said then nods. He wanted to ask that as well. Or had that in mind as well.

"Well when your dad and mom hooked up, it wasn't really a good hook up. It was... Different."

"Different how?" Jongdae asks, as Sofia is no longer on his lap but sitting on top of Yixing's and Jongdae's legs. Yixing uses it as his opportunity to somewhat play with her while Jongdae asks the questions. "You mean my dad sort of... You know, forcing her to do it?"

Stacy shakes her head. That surprises both Jongdae and Yixing. "Yes your father did do some bad things to her, your mother did some things to him too." That doesn't surprise Jongdae if he's being honest. He didn't know that about his mom but it's not a huge surprise. "Your mom... Your mom loved your grandfather a lot. When he passed away, she took it really bad. But apparently the reason why your dad and mom had... You, was because an 'uncle' abused her. She was afraid of what your grandmother and grandfather would say when they find out about her and her uncle so your dad said that he'll take the blame. That he was the one who got your mom pregnant and that all this time it was him hurting her and not the other way around." Yixing's hand automatically finds Jongdae's. There's tears streaming down Jongdae's face and its Sofia that is reaching up with a napkin and wiping his tears away.

"Your mom was afraid that if she told her parents-"

"They wouldn't believe her." Jongdae says, Stacy nods as he's right.

"Your dad did fall for another girl, a very stupid horrible girl, but he wanted to do this for your mom, because no matter what, he felt strongly about her. I wish he would've stayed with your mom to be completely honest, but your dad always did what he wanted, so he got your mom pregnant, took the blame then ran off. But in the back of his head knowing that he was leaving behind a pregnant girl and an unborn son, it was always in his thoughts and he regretted it so much. Even after, he always thought about his son. About you. His family lost contact with your mom's family, being ashamed and embarrassed that their son would do this and wouldn't stick around to raise his son, they left and lost contact with your mom's family. They also didn't want to stick around when he chose another girl and another round of drugs. When he left, we didn't hear from him for a real long time. We all thought he died.

When my husband found him, he wasn't right. He lost his memory of everything and everyone, almost reverted back to a little kid, but deep down knew he had a son somewhere. His actions were somewhat child like. He even sometimes spoke like a child, but there were moments where he would act like his normal age self. Asking about his son, and where is his son and why can't he see his son. So we went on a search. We couldn't find anything about you or your mom or grandmother. At some point we thought that you guys moved from the state but when we found out that your mom was still alive and was mistreating you, we became worried for you. We made it our mission to find you, eventually we figured that you were dead and we never got the chance to take you to meet your dad, then he passed away."

It takes a real long time for Jongdae to say anything. He's sitting there watching Stacy and letting his tears fall nonstop. Sofia doesn't even try to wipe his tears away anymore, because no matter how many times she does it, they won't stop, instead she curls up in his lap again and tries to hug him as best as she can. Jongdae just holds her while Yixing bends his knees and makes sure Jongdae and Sofia are in between his legs as he rests his head behind Jongdae's back and rubs his arm. He's crying too, but not as much as Jongdae. He can't imagine what Jongdae is feeling so he wraps his arms around him, and whispers things against his back that he's sure is just going through one of Jongdae's ear and going out the other. Maybe Jongdae wasn't expecting this but at least now he has a further understanding of his father and mother.

"What did he have?" Jongdae finally speaks up. Stacy shrugs, something Jongdae did not want.

"We don't know. Whatever drugs he took while away messed him up really badly. Like really bad. He would become aggressive sometimes, the only one who would stop him was Sofia."

"What?" Both Jongdae and Yixing yelled out. _How was Sofia not scared?_

"We don't get it either. And Sofia was a baby then. He would just yell and yell loudly and threaten to beat people up or whatever but when Sofia would go to him, he would stop and break down. He loved her so much. One day, whatever was in his head messed with him and he passed away from an overdose. He couldn't take what was in his head anymore so he took his life. That was the end of him. We miss him so much, Sofia misses him so much, she likes coming here and visiting both him and her dad, when I saw you two... I was afraid that you two were trouble makers but then I remembered that you will be around this age, I thought maybe one of you was him and... Here you are!"

"Here I am!" Jongdae says, his voice breaking. Yixing doesn't care that his tears are blinding him, he reaches forward to wipe Jongdae's tears away and pull him into a kiss. They rest their foreheads together as Yixing whispers encouragements of _you did it or here you are and I'm so proud of you._ Jongdae just nods as he can't believe he pulled through it. He pulls away and makes sure to thank Sofia for comforting him also, she smiles at him and wraps her arms around his neck, her face pressing against his cheek. Yixing can't help but pull the two of them into a hug also and thank Sofia as well for doing his job really well. She can't help but kiss both of their heads now as she feels closer to them and a bit more comfortable with them now.

"So you're not my real aunt?" Jongdae asks after finally stopping his crying and cleaning himself up a little. Stacy just smiles at him and very discreetly wipes on her eyes as she was crying also.

"Not by blood, no. But in a way, yeah I'm your aunt, if you want me to be." Jongdae doesn't answer right away, just looks down at Sofia and smiles as he plays with her hand.

"I honestly wasn't expecting to come here at all. Yixing and his mom were the ones who surprised me and brought me here. I was excited and didn't know what to say to him just stare at his picture. I really do look a lot like him." Stacy and Yixing laugh as they've noticed. "Now, I feel like I got a lot to say to him."

"That's good." She comments as Sofia suddenly gets up and goes to her mother. She whispers something in her mom's ear, getting a nod from her then runs off. "She's going flower picking down by the field over there."

"Oh, should we go with her?" Yixing asks but Stacy shakes her head and tells them it's fine. "She knows not to go too far."

"Oh. Speaking of which, what happened to her dad?" Yixing asks. Jongdae looks at him then at Stacy to find out the answer. He's been thinking that since she said that Sofia likes visiting both her dad and his.

"He died during his service overseas. They could have buried him somewhere else but... it wouldn't feel right if he was away from home and brother. So we come here a lot to visit the two of them."

"We're sorry for-" Yixing speaks up for both him and Jongdae.

"It's ok. It's something... It hurt a lot, especially when we lost our first child, but he felt that he needed to go and... I'm proud of him... Of the both of them... But it would be nice to have them around from time to time, especially today."

Jongdae frowns but nods as he agrees. "I would've met him sooner but... A part of me wasn't interested in getting to know him."

"It's understandable. You went through a lot. I'm just glad you're not dead and that you're here and from what I've seen, you look really happy."

Jongdae smiles, turning to look at Yixing and pat his leg, reaching for his hand to take in his and squeeze it. Yixing smiles back at him as he feels the same way. "I am happy. And for a long time it didn't feel that way." This time it's Jongdae's turn to tell Stacy his story and Yixing never let's go of him for a single second. She cries in some parts, grows really surprised in others but in the end, they both stand up and pull each other into a hug. Jongdae accepts her as his aunt and she accepts him as her nephew, he also accepts Sofia into his arms as she runs to him and gives him the flowers she picked out to put on his dad's grave. He accepts them and goes with her so they can put the flowers down together while Yixing and Stacy pack up everything. When they walk towards the front gate and towards the small parking lot where Stacy had her car parked, Sofia wishes both Yixing and Jongdae goodbye while Jongdae and Stacy exchange phone numbers. She offers them a ride but Jongdae denies, as him and Yixing walk towards a bus stop so they can go home and tell every single detail to his mom. While they waited for the bus though Jongdae cried in Yixing's arms and against his chest as he thanked him for what him and Saint Zhang did for him.

_"We did it because we love you."_

_"I know. I love you both too. Thank you so much."_

_"No problem."_

-

The rest of the weekend evening was spent in Jongdae's mom's bed as she was feeling really tired and didn't feel like moving around much. They all sat around her bed while Jongdae told her and Jongin everything him and Yixing got told from Stacy. She cried when Jongdae told her what happened to his dad as she really loved him and apologized to Jongdae again for not giving him the chance to meet him and for not telling him that her and her dad hurt each other. Jongdae accepted the apology quickly and changed the subject right away as he didn't want everyone to spend the evening being sad. Instead his mom tried to knit while the boys held the string for her or tried to learn how to knit themselves since apparently there was nothing to do other than that and watch Game of Thrones and talk about their feelings towards each other since she seriously didn't feel like moving around much. While Jongin and Jongdae talked about something that was about monsters and Yixing and Jongdae were focusing on their knitting, Jongin was the first to realize that their mom fell asleep and they should leave her alone.

"I think I'll call Luhan and ask him if he could give me a ride back home." Yixing says as he slowly and very quietly tries to get off the bed. He then noticed that his pinky was tied with a red bow from the red thread leading all the way towards Jongdae's pinky, who hasn't noticed that his pinky had a bow as well. When he did and looks up at Yixing and figures out that it was his mom that did it, the smile he did towards the two of them was so beautiful, Yixing's heart did a flip. It did a small flip finding out what Jongdae's mom did, as if he finally got her approval and they'll be together forever, but seeing Jongdae smile and approve of it as well, Yixing can die happily now.

_"Together, forever?"_

_"Together, forever!"_

_"Because faith wants it to?"_

_"Because faith, and destiny, and our old souls want it to. It was meant to be."_

_"We were meant to be."_

-

"Seeing how it's lunch time and you're not sucking face with a specific someone, I take it Jongdae isn't going to be coming back to school?" Yixing looks up from his phone as Luhan sits across from him, placing a lunch tray in front of him. The others haven't shown up yet so it's just him and Luhan right now. "Is he spending his day with his mom?" Luhan adds, taking a bite of his sandwich after.

"Yeah. Actually they're driving down south to meet up with his dad's family." Luhan almost chokes on his sandwich over that statement. His eyes went comically wide, Yixing laughs out loud at him.

"You're serious?"

"Yeah"

"How did it- How did you? Jongdae met him? Or is going to meet him now? Or what?"

Yixing shakes his head then reaches forward to take one of Luhan's tater tots. He almost smacks his hand away, almost, but since it's Yixing, he lets it pass. "They already met, yesterday actually, but it didn't go how you think it went."

"How did it go then?"

"His dad is dead, so my mom and I took him to the site he's buried in."

"WHAT?! How did Jongdae take it?" Luhan takes another bite of his sandwich as Yixing once again reaches forward for another tater tot. He was never really a fan of the fries or the tater tots they served at school, but he's finding that today they taste pretty decent. They're salted just right and not too hard or still too frozen.

"He actually knew that his dad has been dead, it turns out though that his dad died recently like a couple of years ago and not around the time he was born."

Luhan's eyes go comically wide again, Yixing can't help but laugh at him again. "Shut the fuck up. For real?!"

"Yeah. He apparently went crazy... Well not crazy but he never became right again, lost his memories, only remembered that he had a son, would become super aggressive sometimes and took some sleeping pills because he couldn't handle whatever was going on in his head and passed away from that."

"Wow." Luhan breathes out. Yixing nods as 'wow indeed.' "How did Jongdae take it?"

"Pretty well actually. We cried, but he's grateful he got to hear his dad's story. Now knowing that his dad's family has been looking for him and they found him, they're going to go visit them today." They stay quiet for a bit until Luhan speaks up and asks how did they find out on what happened.

"Jongdae's aunt, well not real aunt but they're considering each other like family, showed up at the site with a basket and little girl and told us everything."

"Is the little girl like his half sister or something?"

"No, they're more like cousins, but you should see her. She's really cute. She already loves Jongdae and he's freaking great with her. You should see the two of them together."

"You sound so smitten right now, wow."

"Shut up!" Yixing says as he laughs and playfully punches Luhan's arm. He rubs the sore spot but smiles at his best friend anyway as he sounds happy and he's happy for him and Jongdae. Especially Jongdae.

"I can't believe he went from his small little family to a bigger family. He must be happy. Especially Jongin since he's always been a fan of big families. Did he go with them? Or is he at school?"

Yixing reaches for another tater tot to pop in his mouth. "They came for him just now, so they're all going together. Jongin was really happy when Jongdae and I told him and his mom over what happened at the grave site. He really wanted to meet Sofia." Luhan makes a facial expression asking who Sofia is, so Yixing answers. "The little girl. He'll be surprised since they kind of look like each other."

"Are you sure it's not Jongin's family instead they're going to meet?" 

"No. It's Jongdae's. The thing is though they're not related by blood to him. Jongdae's dad was adopted. No one knows what happened to his real family and nobody really wants to find out. Family is family no matter who raised you or didn't. They've been searching for Jongdae as their legitimate blood family I don't think they'll think other wise now." Luhan nods as Yixing is right. Yixing and him may not be blood related but the brotherhood is there. He goes back to eating his sandwich and offering more of his tater tots to Yixing but he declines and goes through his phone. They're being silent, which is really rare for them since they're not the silent type, especially around each other, but since Yixing never really accepted Luhan's apology and the two of them haven't really talked about what happened, things are kind of off between them.

"Listen, Luhan."

"Yeah?"

"I never fully accepted your apology when you apologized to me last and I'm sorry. You've been a great friend and it really does seem like you and Jongdae have been getting along. I don't really know much on what happened between the two of you, but thank you for being there for him when I wasn't. I accept your apology and I hope you can accept mine, especially since I'm apologizing to you really late."

Luhan laughs, shoving his tray away from himself as he finished eating, then wraps his arm around Yixing. Yixing groans as he hates when Luhan squishes him hard to his side but he admits that he's missed it. And when Luhan does it and Yixing groans out loudly, he's glad to hear that Luhan accepts his apology.

"It sucks that Jongdae won't graduate but at least you two are going to Kris' graduation party, right?" Yixing pushes Luhan away and starts fixing himself, frowning because Jongdae is not graduating with them at the end of the week and also because Kris hasn't really invited them to a party at all. "It's a surprise party. He doesn't know."

"Oh then yeah, I'll get Jongdae to go. I wish there was some way to get Jongdae's diploma though. He could really use it." Yixing finishes the rest of the tater tots as Luhan now starts eating his little bowl of grapes. He offers Yixing some but he's set on the tater tots instead. They eat quietly until Luhan almost chokes on a grape as he suddenly thought about something.

"I think he can. He won't be part of the graduation ceremony but I know they'll be sending the diplomas home to the people who decided to not be part of the ceremony or who have to stay a little longer in school." Yixing stares at Luhan wide eyed and a bit angry for not telling him sooner, but he quickly gets up and goes with Luhan to the main building to go talk to some teachers and counselors and ask about that option. They're going to get Jongdae that diploma no matter what.

-

Graduation day was finally here and Yixing was extremely nervous. Jongdae wasn't going to graduate with his class at all but nothing was going to stop him from sitting with his family and friends and cheer loud for his friends that were graduating, especially when they announced Yixing's name to go up and get his diploma. Jongdae's voice was heard loud and proud all over the stadium, Yixing smiled wide and cheered, waving his hand up in the air for Jongdae to see.

"I fucking love you, Zhang Yixing!!!"

"I fucking love you, Kim Jongdae!!!" The two yelled loud and proud across the stadium, the stadium filling up in laughter and applause for the two of them. There was also an "I fucking love you too, Luhan!!!" but Luhan hid his face in embarrassment as he wasn't expecting Jongdae to yell at him as well. That same day at Kris' house, during the surprise graduation party for families and friends, Jongdae and Yixing were nowhere to be found. They were alone and laying down on top of Luhan's hood of the car and looking up at the stars. They spoke quietly to each other about how it's going to be like between them from now on, and how happy they are of each other and that they're together, but they couldn't help themselves when all they wanted was to touch each other and leave their mark all over. They also wanted to whisper to the night sky how much they love each other and all in different ways as well. Some breathy and moany, some whispery, some loud and some quiet and some they didn't have to say it out loud at all. It was there between them and sometimes it would come out as a different way also.

"Thank you, Yixing, for always staying with me."

"You're welcome. And you know that I always will."

"I know. I'll always stay with you too."

-

Another weekend was spent together, only this time Jongdae was at his other grandmother's house, getting to know his very extended family and Yixing was there with him every step of the way. They all loved Jongdae and they were all OK with the fact that Jongdae and Yixing were together together. Some of the family members didn't approve but Jongdae didn't care much about their opinion anyway since they were really not related at all. The only family that mattered was his grandparents, Stacy and Sofia and some of his grandmother's sisters or brothers. Everybody else was there to be there. Some of them only spoke in just Spanish but the majority of the time they would speak in English to him, the special case was just Sofia as they wanted her to know about her roots and where her family came from. Jongdae really admired that. He really liked the fact that Sofia would never leave his and Yixing's side at all. She played with them, held their hands, kissed them, sat on them, lead the way so they can get food and get to know the people she called family better. Yixing's heart will swell up every now and then whenever he spotted Jongdae carrying her in his arms.

_He's happy, so I'm happy._

The weekday, the first weekday Yixing had off since graduation, he decided to go to Jongdae's house and surprise him. He just came from school too as he had information to share with Jongdae. And he hoped that Jongdae will take the news as really great news.

"I just came from school and they told me that if you go to class this week or next week and take the finals and pass with really good grades, you'll be considered a graduate and get your diploma." Jongdae doesn't say anything. In fact Yixing is starting to get the feeling that something is off. He looks around the room, he's in Jongdae's mom's room, only she's not the one in bed but Jongdae is and he has his back turned towards Yixing. He's not liking this feeling at all. "Jongdae? What's wrong?" Jongdae doesn't answer, doesn't even turn to look at him. So Yixing thinks back. Who opened the door for him? It wasn't Jongdae's mom. He thinks he remembers seeing Jongin in the corner by himself but Jongin should be at school. He doesn't remember seeing his grandmother either, he can't seem to figure out who opened the door for him. Or was the door wide open when he arrived? Still though, that weird horrible feeling is growing bigger and bigger and thinks he might be sick, not liking the idea of what could happen. "Jongdae?"

Jongdae suddenly sits up, his eyes really red and puffy and full of tears, and yup Yixing is definitely not liking this feeling at all. Something is very, _very_ wrong.

"She's gone, Yixing! My mom passed away this morning!"

 _Oh no. Oh no, no, no, no, no. This can't be happening._ Dread just went down inside him, paling his skin white over what he just heard.

"She died in her sleep, Yixing. She stopped breathing in her sleep, and... She's gone, Yixing. She's gone." Jongdae's voice cracked in that last sentence, sounding so broken and so lost, Yixing immediately gets on the bed with him and holds him against his chest as Jongdae sobs. It breaks Yixing's heart because he thought he's seen Jongdae broken before, this time it's beyond compare. He cries with him but tries not to show it, because Jongdae is shaking in his arms and gripping his shirt really tight and sobbing and crying out how she decided to go through chemo, that she was going to fight and now... She's not there. Yixing needs to be the strong one here for Jongdae, no matter how it kills him to see Jongdae again like this.

Yixing was there when she told them that she has decided to go through chemo, that she was going to fight and she seemed OK with the fact that it wasn't going to be easy but she'll pull through it and she'll make it with her boys and family by her side. Yixing was so happy to hear her say that. Jongin and Jongdae ecstatic and pulling her into hugs and kisses for agreeing to do it. She seemed happy to announce it too. She was tired but she was happy to tell them. And now... She's not there.

"It hurts so much." Jongdae cries out. Yixing feels like crap that Jongdae feels this way but he can't find it in himself to say the right thing, so he holds him and holds him tight and rocks him from side to side on the bed as Jongdae straddles his lap and cries against his chest. He kisses his head but doesn't tell him it's OK or it will be OK because he knows that's not what Jongdae wants to hear. That's not something anyone wants to hear. He just let's Jongdae cry himself out, ending up laying back on the bed and Jongdae curled up on his side with his back turned towards Yixing while Yixing is the same, only his back is turned towards Jongdae's back. It's quiet between them. Only sounds of Jongdae's sniffles are heard. Yixing wants to turn over and touch him and hold him but Jongdae did pull away from him, maybe wanting some space between them, especially over the fact that Yixing didn't tell him anything. He feels really crappy about it.

"I-I think I should-"

"Yixing."

"Yeah?"

"C-Can you stay with me? Stay with me a bit longer? You don't really have to go. Just… stay with me?" Yixing is getting the feeling that he doesn't mean to stay with him in that moment but to stay with him forever. And he answers what he's sure Jongdae really wants to hear in that moment.

"Yeah. I'll stay with you. I'll always will." He climbs in bed with him again, this time pulling Jongdae against him and holding him tight as Jongdae turns to him and cries into his chest silently. His head is tucked underneath Yixing's chin, their legs tangling together, forming one. A perfect fitted puzzle piece.

_"You two are the most beautiful perfect fitted puzzle pieces I've ever seen."_

_"What do you mean?" Jongdae asks, trying to get this complicated knot in his knitting right but is struggling a bit while Yixing has it down to a T. Yixing quickly shows him how it's done only for Jongdae to get it right after._

_"You two just click. You're both alike but you're both different in many ways but yet together you're twisted but beautiful and perfectly fitted. A perfect fitted puzzle piece. That, is very hard to find. The people around you are just connected pieces that will never be broken. No matter what happens, we're all one but you two, the connected pieces around you may change but you two will always be together. No matter what."_

"She loves you Jongdae. Always has and always will. She's part of our perfect fitted puzzle, I promise. Always will be, and nothing is going to change that. She'll always be here. She'll always stay with us."

"Always?"

Yixing nods. "Always. And forever and ever. She'll stay with us. I promise."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I DESERVE WHATEVER YOU WISH TO THROW AT ME. I AM SO SO SORRY EVERYONE PLEASE DON'T HATE ME. PRETTY PRETTY PLEASE DON'T HATE ME. OK YOU CAN HATE ME BUT... PLEASE DON'T HURT ME. NO OK YOU CAN HURT ME I DESERVE IT. IT'S SERIOUSLY BEEN PLANNED SINCE DAY ONE THOUGH SO... I'M SORRY. WE STILL NEED ONE MORE CHAPTER. IT'S NOT THE END I PROMISE. THINGS WILL GET HAPPY AGAIN I PROMISE.
> 
> Anyway..., 
> 
> Thank you for loving this story so so much, I honestly can't believe it and probably never will, but seriously from the bottom of my heart I never expected this to get where it is, so seriously thank you.
> 
> Also…
> 
> LAST CHANCE TO SEND IN SONG RECOMMENDATIONS FOR THE PLAYLIST. If you have a song in mind, any at all that you would like it to be part of the Playlist at the end of the story, send them in. It can be anything at all, just as long as it reminds you of any of the characters or the whole story in general, I'll add it in. ^^
> 
> Thank you to every one of you for liking, subscribing, voting, commenting, reading, glancing, kudos, hits, and everything in between. You have no idea how much in the world it means to me. It always makes my day! So thank you! ^^ I don't know how to repay any of you at all.
> 
> Stay With Me is now on Asianfanfics! So if you’re interested on reading there, you can do so **[here!](https://www.asianfanfics.com/story/view/1110551/stay-with-me-chenlay-xingdae-highschoolau-laychen-kimjongbros-minorcharacterdea-punkau/18)** See you there! ^^
> 
> Any questions or comments or critiques or you just want to say hi or yell at me for whatever, especially over what I just did in this chapter, you can go ahead, or just want to talk about anything, or ask me really random questions, or want to discuss, you can do so **[here.](http://ask.fm/piratenat)** Seriously, come talk to me. Let me know about songs that you would like to see be part of the playlist.
> 
> *If you're interested in messaging me on tumblr in case I don't reply to you soon, or just want to check it out, you can do so  **[here!](http://sjabe.tumblr.com/)** Its a bad edits side blog so I can't follow back, but if you want me to, let me know and I'll follow back from my main. ^^ WE can be friends! Or not after what I did in this chapter, I understand. Again I'm sorry. You're welcome to yell at me there. Have a great day or night! ^^ ✌☺*


	25. Chapter 25

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ahh it's the final chapter!!! I seriously hope you guys like it, if not then I hope it was at least decent enough to be considered an ending. **WARNING: This chapter is really long, and it has mentions of blood, blood sucking, wound to wound or cut to cut contact, funeral services, or death mention, depending on your pov I guess and lots and lots of cheesiness. (XingDae is cheesy as heck, and I'm cheesy as heck, so why not make it double the cheesiness.) If you do NOT like then DO NOT READ AT ALL. I'M SERIOUS.** Other than that, I really hope you enjoy the chapter. I guess this is for the last time but happy reading! Enjoy! ^^ *The playlist links that was promised will be available at the end notes. Thank you to every single one of you who have been in this ride since the beginning or joined halfway, I hope you guys enjoyed it. And to the people who have suggested/recommended songs, thank you so so much for doing so. Enjoy! Bye! ^^*

"Did he fall asleep?" Jongin asked as soon as Yixing walked out of the room. He quietly closed the door behind him as he nodded at Jongin. When the door was fully closed, Jongin immediately walked towards Yixing and pulled him into a tight embrace. It surprised Yixing a little, but what surprised him even more was when Jongin started to cry as he set his chin down on top of Yixing's shoulder. It wasn't normal tears streaking down his face, it was full on sobs and whole body shakes, Yixing tries to remember the last time Jongin was like this and all he can remember is when he told the others that his mother was dying and that he was worried about Jongdae.

Yixing _knows_ that he shouldn't think that Jongin is crying about Jongdae, because of course he's not. He's crying about his mother passing away. He's crying because his mother told the two of them that she'll see them in the morning. He's crying because his mother didn't wake to tell the two of them good morning or to have a great day. He's crying because she didn't wake but because she _couldn't_ wake. She was already gone and there was nothing neither Jongin or Jongdae could do to bring her back. This is why he's crying. But a part of Yixing, a really small part of him thinks Jongin is crying because of Jongdae. If Jongin really was crying about his mother's passing, he would be crying to Jongdae and not to Yixing. Maybe they already did, and Jongin just wanted to cry that moment but Jongdae fell asleep so he went to Yixing instead, but Yixing is sure that it's something else. Something Jongdae related.

"I'm sorry, Jongin. I was being a bad friend when I walked in, I didn't even realize-"

"No its fine. To be honest I'm not upset about my mother passing away." That surprises Yixing even more. In fact he knows Jongin felt him stiffen up in his arms since he's now starting to pull away from him and look right at him. "I mean, of course I am upset, but that's not the reason why I'm so upset."

Yixing was right. "You're worried about Jongdae?"

Jongin nods. "We just got him back, he may be devastated... He... I promised mom that I'll watch over him no matter what but... She died so suddenly... My hyung..." Jongin couldn't finish anything that he wanted to say. He in fact broke down even more, fat tears rolling down his face, his face changing into sorrow, his heart literally breaking right in front of Yixing at the thought of losing his brother too. The only thing Yixing can do is pull Jongin into a tight embrace and just hold him, the same way he did to Jongdae. There weren't many people that were there for him when his grandmother passed away. And maybe a big part of it was because he didn't want anyone to think of him as pathetic for crying so much for losing his grandmother. Now he was presented with the opportunity to be there for the ones he cares about and do what he wanted others to do to him. Hold them and tell them that everything will be ok. She's no longer suffering but she'll always be with them.

Always, always, _always_.

People sometimes tend to forget that. They won't be there physically but Yixing knows that they'll always be watching over them. Those moments when they'll feel the sun's warmth more than others, or the gentle breeze caressing their faces, or a random happy memory pops to mind when they listen to a certain sound, word, phrase or song, that's them showing them that they're with them every step of the way. It took Yixing a long time to get that when his grandmother passed away, now he hopes that Jongdae and Jongin will understand as well. They'll have moments where they'll miss their mom's touch and sound of their voice, but the words she told them or the way she would hold them will always be with them. The most important thing though, they won't be alone.

"I miss my mom. I miss Jongdae and her laying in bed and talking and always inviting me in their arms as soon as they spotted me at the door. I miss... I miss them arguing. I miss them laughing. I miss them trying to comfort each other. I miss watching them. For the first time... I thought things were going to be great... She was going to get help and we were going to struggle but stay strong together... Now... I'm afraid that my hyung will disappear and leave me alone. I don't want to be alone, Yixing. Please make sure he doesn't leave me too. He's all I have left now. Please, Yixing. Promise me that? Promise that he'll always stay with me."

There are no words from Yixing. Only an even tighter embrace and a head nod as he promises. They stay like that for a while until Yixing suddenly feels arms from behind him, startling both him and Jongin.

"Hyung?" Jongin asks, Yixing feels a nod against his back.

"I'm sorry. I didn't mean to interrupt. I didn't feel you on the bed, I thought… you left."

"You know I will never do that, especially today. The two of you need me." Yixing answers as he keeps an arm around Jongin and the other arm goes behind him to wrap it around Jongdae's waist. Yixing feels something wet behind him, his shirt getting wrinkled from Jongdae's hands. 

"This may be weird to you, isn't it?" Jongin asks as he buries his face into Yixing's chest. Yixing smiles then shakes his head, kissing Jongin on the top of his head.

"No, it's not. Who cares if it is anyway? You two are my friends and I care about the two of you so much. I wouldn't be anywhere else but here."

"I don't deserve you, Zhang Yixing." Jongdae mumbles, moving a hand away to wipe his eyes. Jongin moved away to let Yixing turn and hold Jongdae tight against him.

"You know I love you and will be here for you for anything and everything. And this moment right now, you need me and I'll always be here. I'm sorry about your mom but remember what I told you."

"I know." Jongdae says. "She'll always be here for us. It just sucks so much and it hurts so much also, and you're here being super nice... What did I do to have someone like you in my life?"

"Hyung." Jongin speaks up, getting both of their attention. "You saved us. You protected us from bad men that could've hurt her or me. You decided to not do something really life changing and gave mom a chance. You could've done something else when it came down to that girl, but you've reached out and helped her and thanks to you she's away from her family and getting help. You've done so much, and Yixing... There's no one else for you but him, hyung. I don't mean this to come out wrong or really cheesy, but... If anyone deserves anyone is you two. You two deserve each other and mom knew that. She knows you'll be in good hands if you're with Yixing. And mom will always be watching over the two of you from above, I know that with my whole heart, I just... A part of me is afraid that you'll leave me too." Jongin admits.

"Oh Jongin." Jongdae whispers, pulling away from Yixing and heading straight to his little brother to pull him into his arms as Jongin starts to cry again. "You know that I, never in a million fucking years, will ever, _ever_ leave you. You're my brother in this life and the next and the others to come. I swear I'll never leave you, it's a blood promise, remember? I may be with Yixing now, but you're always going to be my brother. He's not going to change that. I love Yixing but he knows that you're part of my package, he knows that I'll drop everything for you. I promised you when we were kids, I promised mom, I promised the whole fucking world and I swear, and tend to keep that promise. I love you Jongin, and from above, mom will be watching the two of us. I know it."

"So you're not going to run away like you did when you found out about mom?" Jongin lifts his head up to look at Jongdae in the eyes. There's a mixed feeling in Jongdae's eyes but he smiles at his brother and shakes his head. He then presses his forehead with Jongin's, closes his eyes as he takes a breath in, then slowly exhales out.

"I swear I won't do that anymore. A part of me wants to run, _wanted_ to run when we found out this morning, but what's the point of running if later on it'll catch up to me. You're important to me, Jongin and I'll do anything to take care of you and stay by your side no matter what. I love you."

"I love you too, hyung." Jongin whispers as he closes his eyes as well, as Jongdae and him stay pressing their foreheads with each other for a while, Yixing just smiles at the two of them then goes into the kitchen to boil some water while the brothers have some privacy. He makes some tea and decides to clean up a bit and cook some late afternoon breakfast knowing very well that neither Jongin or Jongdae have had some food yet. When he comes back to the living room he finds both Jongin and Jongdae cuddling on the couch but Jongin is asleep while Jongdae quietly sings and runs his hand through Jongin's hair.

"Oh. I made you guys some tea and some egg sandwiches." Yixing whispers setting the plates down on top of the coffee table. He also takes a seat as well, sitting in front of the brothers as Jongdae squirms a little to sit up. "I guess they'll have to wait then."

"He's always been a fast sleeper." Jongdae whispers, quietly and very slowly, trying to sit up so Jongin can sleep. Yixing takes Jongdae's hand as he helps him sit up while Jongin's body is spread across Jongdae's. It's not a comfortable position but it will do in the meantime.

"You should get some sleep too, Jongdae. I'll still be here, I promise." Jongdae shakes his head and waves his hand over the egg sandwich Yixing made. He hands Jongdae the plate, Jongdae holds it underneath his chin to take a bite and make sure the crumbs fall on the plate and not on Jongin's legs.

"No I need to stay awake. I already slept anyway. I'm sure when my Mama gets back she'll want to talk to us about my mom's burial ceremony."

"You guys are going to bury her?" Yixing asks, handing Jongdae a napkin now. Jongdae takes it, wipes his face once, then scrunches it into a ball to hold it in his hand that's also holding the plate up.

"If Grandma decides to then that's what we'll do." Jongdae finishes up one half of his sandwich then starts on the other while Yixing watches, he then gets up to go back to the kitchen to bring Jongdae his cup of tea he made for him.

"I know it's too early, but what are you going to do now Jongdae?" Jongdae stops chewing to look at Yixing. He gulps down the food and leans forward to set the plate down but Yixing does the task for him while Jongdae looks at Jongin then looks up at Yixing.

"I don't know, Yixing. But I'm scared now."

"Why's that?"

"I'm still under aged. We can go live with Grandma but her life is in another town while ours is here and she wouldn't move here due to her job and everything, and it wouldn't be fair for Jongin to move him schools at the last minute when he only has one year left to graduate and if people find out that we're living here without 'adult supervision' they'll take him away and... I won't be able to keep my promise to him."

Yixing frowns. He didn't think of any of that at all. He honestly was expecting Jongdae to answer something about the funeral service not about... Well the long run. Hearing it now though, he's starting to get worried. It may not seem like it at times but nosy people were everywhere. If people did find out about Jongin and Jongdae living by themselves they'll call child services on them and they will get separated from each other. If teachers or counselors in school heard about his mom passing away and his dad being dead they'll immediately take him away from Jongdae. Jongin only having one year left of school, there really isn't a point to take him out of it just so he can go to another if they do move away and end up living with their grandmother. Jongdae and Jongin living with their grandmother though, Jongdae will be so far away from Yixing… He...

"You two can always live with me and my mom." Jongdae suddenly coughed and almost spilled his tea over Jongin's legs. Yixing stared wide eyed at him wondering what he said wrong while Jongdae wipes his mouth and clears his throat.

"Sorry. I just... That surprised me. But... As much as I love you and your mom we can't just... Saint Zhang is a Saint and I know she won't hesitate in taking both of us in but... Yixing we can't just live with you and your mom just like that. We'll be intruding-"

"You know you two won't be intruding at all. You're always with me and at my place anyway. Jongin has been at my place before countless of times, I'm sure mom will let you and Jongin stay in my grandma's old room."

"That's the thing though, it's your grandmother's old room with her stuff still in there and everything, I don't want to ruin that for you and your mom. It will feel like we forced the two of you to clear that room because of us when you two were probably not ready to clear her stuff just yet. "

Yixing smiles at the thought but places a hand on Jongdae's knee and gives it a small squeeze. "Maybe us clearing up that room will finally give us the opportunity to let her go?"

"You really think that way?" Jongdae asks, a frown still evident on his face. Yixing scoots forward and sticks his index fingers out on both hands and softly spreads Jongdae's mouth into a closed smile. He lifts his eyebrows up a little to change his expression. It looks forced but it makes Yixing stare at Jongdae for a second then lean forward to kiss his lips.

"You know I love you right?" Jongdae nods. "Then move in with me. I know it's super early for us but I really don't want to lose you or have a long distant relationship with you when I just got you back. And I know you don't want to be separated with Jongin at all, so... take the offer, you know something else won't work out. And it doesn't have to be permanent. You could always leave until you turn of age, mom won't mind." Yixing is trying and hoping to change Jongdae's mind but by the look of Jongdae's face he knows he's failing miserably and instead of hearing Jongdae admit that he's failing, he leans forward, taking Jongdae's chin in his hand and kisses him on the lips. "I love you."

"I love you too, Yixing, but... you know it's not up to me anymore. My mom dead, the only family member we have left is grandma, so automatically-" 

"She has full custody of the two of you." Yixing finishes as Jongdae nods. "Fuck." Yixing grumbles as Jongdae starts to cry again. When Yixing notices, he scoots even closer to Jongdae and puts his arms around him. "Hey. Hey, it's ok. Really, Jongdae it'll be OK it will just be for a year right?" Yixing asks but he knows the answer to that. He hopes Jongdae will catch on and tell a lie but Jongdae is blunt sometimes and he knows Jongdae will be that just that very moment.

"I'm sorry, Yixing. We can make long distance work, right?" Yixing swallows the giant lump that formed in his throat. Jongdae didn't lie but he also wasn't being honest either. "I can't leave Jongin alone. Especially now. I'll try to convince her but it wouldn't be fair for her to drop her life over there just to keep the two of us together. I really am sorry, Yixing."

"I'm sorry too." Yixing says after a moment of silence. "I'm sorry too." He repeats as he pulls Jongdae into him, but this time it's Yixing's turn to bury his face onto Jongdae's chest as he cries and Jongdae kisses the back of his neck and touches his ears softly or runs his fingers through the back of his hair. Yixing stays like that for a long moment, the two of them crying silently, when Yixing looks up, looks into Jongdae’s eyes and wipes his tears away, he smiles.

“Want to go to the store with me for a bit?”

“For what?” Jongdae asks, leaning forward to wipe Yixing’s tears away as well.

“I want to do something for your mom.” Yixing doesn't say anything else and neither does Jongdae, but he does hold onto Yixing’s hand to get off of the couch and stand up. He reaches for his plate and his teacup then smiles at Yixing.

“I’ll go get my jacket, and shoes.”

“What about Jongin?”

“He’s a heavy sleeper, he’ll be fine. I’ll leave him a message though.” Jongdae tells him as he walks to the kitchen then comes back out. He reaches for a small notebook and pen and starts to write Jongin a note. When he rips the page out and sets the note down, Yixing smiles then stands up, taking Jongdae’s hand with his and heading out the door together.

-

When Jongin wakes up he’s surprised to find Jongdae and Yixing not there, he’s not surprised though to hear his grandmother crying in the kitchen. _When did she get back?_ He sits up and finds a note on the coffee table from Jongdae, the two of them went to the store together and did not want to wake him up. He’s not upset or happy being alone at the moment, he’s always been a heavy sleeper anyway. When they were kids and their mom and dad will fight, and Jongdae and Jongin ran away so Jongin won’t see them fighting due to Jongdae's request, whether it was hot or cold out, Jongin always slept while Jongdae stayed awake to keep him safe. It always helped though that Jongdae is a good singer and Jongdae singing him to sleep always comforted him and relaxed him so he would easily fall asleep. Sometimes though he wished for Jongdae to be the one going to sleep while Jongin stayed awake. He thinks because Jongdae stayed awake every night to keep him protected, it made him stronger, it made him braver while Jongin was always shielded. He wishes he was like Jongdae in that way. He wishes he could shield Jongdae, but instead of going to the kitchen to comfort his grandmother, his mom’s mom, he can't. Instead he sits on the couch and wishes that he went with Yixing and Jongdae to the store. He has no idea why they even went but at this point he doesn't care, anywhere is better than being with her.

Jongin doesn’t hate her, he doesnt like her like her but he doesnt hate her. And its not that he doesnt like her, he’s just not comfortable being around her. In fact he feels resentment come from her towards him. She was happy living with Jongdae when his mom ran away. It was just her and him. But when his mom came back and announced that she had another child and that child was already at least 4 years old while Jongdae stayed home and wondered where his mom was at, she grew some sort of negative feelings towards Jongin. Because of Jongin, Jongdae got taken away from his grandmother because their mom gave Jongin the image of having a brother to play with and together they'll be a happy family. Because of Jongin, Jongdae moved with his mom to another town far away from his grandmother that was raising him. Because of Jongin, there was a moment that she believed that her grandson was a bad kid and wanted nothing to do with him when Jongdae could've lived with her and she would've raised him properly.

Jongin loves his grandmother, maybe not as much as Jongdae, and he's grateful towards her because she did what his mom couldn't do, but there are moments where he wishes that she could be more open minded towards Jongdae. She's too old school. He knows that she's not comfortable looking at her grandson be with another guy. Or be covered in tattoos and piercings. Have the back story that he has in order to survive. And he knows that now that his mom has passed away, she now has custody of the two of them, whether they like it or not, and that means she has to separate Jongdae from Yixing. And whether she says that it's not easy for her to do to them, deep down he feels that this is exactly what she wants. Keep her favorite grandson away from the guy he loves hopefully to get him to think differently while being away from each other.

He wants to run away with Jongdae if it comes down to that. He's willing to sleep in the streets if they have nowhere to go. The most important thing to Jongin right now is Jongdae's happiness and he'll do anything to achieve it.

_"Hyung... You're bleeding!"_

_"It's ok Jonginie, it's just a scratch."_

_"No it's not, hyung. You're bleeding a lot. Here, let me heal it for you." Jongin says as he starts to rip a piece of cloth off from his shirt. Since his shirt got ripped when it got hooked on the fence when they were crawling through it to get to the bridge, he might as well add more damage to it since it's useless now. Mom and dad were fighting again and Jongdae thought it was best to stay out of their way for the night or they'll turn their anger against them. Jongdae always did that when they fought. Jongdae was smart like that._

_Jongin takes Jongdae's finger into his mouth then sucks, Jongdae scrunching up his face in disgust while Jongin waited for the bleeding to stop._

_"You're going to turn into a vampire now, Jonginie." Jongin smiles then pulls Jongdae's finger out to check if the bleeding has stopped. Its at least slowing down, that's a good sign he thinks. He starts to wrap the cloth around Jongdae's finger while Jongdae carefully tries to get the piece of broken glass again to throw it away from them so Jongin can sleep in the little pile Jongdae made for him. When Jongin is almost done wrapping the cloth, he reaches forward to help him keep the cloth in place, unfortunately getting cut as well._

_"Ow!"_

_"Crap, here give me your hand."_

_"No hyung, it's fine! I'm OK! Honest! Let me finish healing you up!"_

_"Its going to get infected if we don't treat it now, come on Jongin." Jongdae says extending his hand out for Jongin to place his hand on top of his palm. He hesitates at first but decides to do what his brother says, placing his hand down so Jongdae can tie the cloth on his hand. As Jongdae wraps the small cloth around his palm, Jongin notices that Jongdae is bleeding again, his blood trailing down towards Jongin's._

_"Hyung!"_

_Jongdae notices, gasping a little and looking around to find something to clean it up with but instead he decides to do something else. He takes the cloth away from Jongin's hand then places his cut finger on top of the cut of Jongin's cut, pressing them together and looking at Jongin directly in the eyes._

_"From here on out, I make a blood promise to you that I'll always be here for you and will always keep you safe. I promise, Jonginie. Forever and ever. Nothing will ever separate us and nothing will ever hurt you."_

_"Hyung…"_

_"I love you, Jonginie. I swear on my life to always keep this promise. And now that I did it with blood, that promise will never be broken. No one could break that promise either. Not mom, not dad, no one. This is my promise to you."_

"You forgot about grandma." Jongin whispers to himself, as he gets up and heads to the kitchen. When his grandmother looks up she gasps then quickly wipes her tears away.

"You're awake. Want me to-"

"You're sending us to live with you, aren't you?" Jongin asks. His grandmother looks taken aback a little then tightens her mouth into a tight line.

"Yeah. It's the best I can do right now."

Jongin doesn't say anything, just nods. When she turns around to turn the stove on, Jongin speaks up. "Promise me though that you'll let hyung have his freedom. If he wants to see Yixing, let him see him or you'll lose him."

"What?" 

"My hyung. If he wants to see Yixing, let him see him, don't say no to him. I know you're not ok with Jongdae being with him and if we go live with you, promise me that you'll do that. Not for me but for him. Promise me that." The two stare at each other for a long time and before she could answer Jongdae and Yixing are walking in, Jongdae quickly walking into his grandmother's arms and asking her how it went. Before Jongin could say something, he could feel Yixing's hand on his arm getting him to turn around and look towards the door as Kyungsoo, Sehun and Tao are by the door looking upset. Yixing and Jongdae must have called them to tell them to come over for Jongin. He doesn't hesitate on walking towards the door and go into Kyungsoo's arms as he starts to cry again.

-

When the sun started to set and everyone showed up to Jongdae's house to offer their condolences, Yixing made every one walk towards the closest park so he could start on what he planned. Yixing has asked for Jongin's and Jongdae's grandmother to come but she said no as she felt that it was a matter that both Jongin and Jongdae had to do while she called to make arrangements to bury her daughter. They understood and since no one knew what Yixing has in mind but did invite everyone to come, they felt that it was something for Jongin and Jongdae anyway. While at the store Yixing bought white balloons, glow sticks, fake candles and a small piñata. Jongdae though didn't ask why but he figured that Yixing will tell him later on. Now as they walked towards a secluded area of the park he thinks he has a good idea of what Yixing wants to do.

He hands everyone a fake candle, each of them to hold and light up while Yixing sets the piñata down in the middle as he stands beside it with a some decorated stick, no doubt to use to hit the piñata with.

"Today, Jongdae and Jongin lost their mother due to cancer. They don't have to move on right away but accept the fact that she's gone and there's nothing either of them could do. She's in peace now, but when I lost my grandmother I found that there were some things that I still kept in that I probably didn't like that had to do with her. I think we all felt that or feel that way sometimes towards the people we love, so tonight you two are going to hit this piñata until it's smashed into pieces as a way to let out those negative feelings you may have kept to yourself. Things you wanted to tell her but kept to yourself because you were afraid of her reaction. Things you wanted to do but kept to yourself because you were afraid of what her reaction would be. Whatever thing it is or was, let it all out towards this piñata however you want. I know lately you three have shared really good memories together and no one is going to take that away from you, but in order to think of her in the most positive way, or remember her in the most positive way, let those bad memories out right here."

Jongdae is crying. He didn't expect this and when he looks at Jongin he knows that Jongin wasn't expecting it either. They hesitate for a second, the two of them holding each other's hand tightly, when Yixing explains that this is how he handled his grandmother's death the two of them decide to give it a try.

"You go first, hyung." Jongin tells Jongdae, taking the stick from Yixing. He stares down at the colorful fake donkey then sighs. "It's ok, hyung. You could try later." Jongin adds, walking to his brother to rub his arm. Yixing smiles at him then nods as he agrees with Jongin.

"We could do this next time, I just thought that it was a way to relieve yourself from the negative memories you have of her."

"No, no its fine. I just... What if we need more than one of these guys?" Jongdae asks, no tone of joking matter in his question yet everyone sort of laughed.

"If you want another, I'll go get you one." Yixing tells him, making Jongdae smile. "But it's not wrong for you to feel that way, you went through a lot with her but at the end you ended up making happy memories with her. Keep those memories in and let the others out. You'll feel good, I promise." Jongdae nods once then pushes Yixing back gently as he begins. He swings the stick up in the air, pauses for a split second then swings down onto the piñata to crush the poor thing. He makes a dent but doesn't break it, but it makes Jongdae swing at it over and over again. Everyone stays quiet, watching him swing every bad memory out of his system, but the piñata doesn't break. Yixing smiles to himself a little feeling proud that he got a hard one but also smiles because Jongdae is doing something good. He's cleansing himself, and all that would be left will be good memories he shared with his mom. As the piñata keeps denting and Jongdae swings at it as hard as he can, the piñata finally breaks in half, making Jongdae stop and stare at it as he cries. Jongin quickly runs to him and hugs him, the others wanting to join as well but Yixing stops them as its a moment only between Jongdae and his brother. Yixing though doesn't hesitate on crying, feeling proud of Jongdae as it maybe didn't clear up all of the negative things he's gone through but from now on he'll think of all of the happy memories he made with his mom.

When it's Jongin's turn, Jongdae goes into Yixing's arms to hug and thank him for that. Yixing just smiles and kisses his temple as its Jongin's turn to do what he just did. It's easier for Jongin to smash the piñata into pieces but even as the pieces were flat, Jongin still had the need to smash something around. And he didn't stop until he broke the stick in half. Jongin felt liberated now, sharing a hug with his brother then with his friends then with Yixing to thank him.

"You're welcome." Yixing tells him, letting go of him as he goes to grab the bag he left at the side. He pulls out the bag of balloons and glow sticks, once again handing one of each to everyone then going back to stand in the middle for everyone to see him. "Now we get to focus on the positive. We'll light up her way in different colors, all colors she affected all of us with. Some happy, and some bright. Some it may have been negatively before," Yixing says as he looks Jongdae at this point "but later it turned into something bright and beautiful. We'll blow them up with all of the positive things, good energies and wishes, and happiness that she'll no longer be suffering but be at peace, and as she provides both Jongin and Jongdae the light for their paths, we'll provide her with hers with these." Yixing closes his eyes for a second then starts to blow the balloon up with his positive wishes, sticks the small glow stick inside the balloon then blows again to make the balloon bigger. He ties a knot at the end then gently sets it down on the ground, letting the others do the same. As they all start to blow as many balloons up as they can, Yixing runs off somewhere coming back with a huge bag full of already inflated balloons, Saint Zhang coming over as well with another bag full of balloons along with the other parents, all of them holding a small candle.

Jongin and Jongdae start to cry, as they spot their grandmother, showing up with even more people, Jongdae spotting Sophia with her mom amongst them, they can't control their tears as they can't believe what's happening. A lot of people showed up for their mom when they thought that it was just going to be them and their friends. They walk over to hug the new arrivals, Jongdae carrying Sophia into his arms as she kisses his tears away. She has no idea what's going on but due to her mother's request, Sophia only knows that Jongdae is very sad because his mom is away like her dad and uncle are that's why Jongdae keeps crying. When they gather around, Yixing and Saint Zhang tying the balloons they all blew up, Jongdae thanks them both, having no idea how they planned everything and how they got the other parents to come but he's thankful and he knows that both him and Jongin will never forget about it.

"It's the least we could do for her, Jongdae, and for you and Jongin."

"Still. This means so much to the both of us and I know for her as well."

"We know." Saint Zhang says, pulling Jongdae to her side to kiss the side of his head. "That's why we're doing it today and not at her burial so she knows she won't be alone throughout her journey."

"I fucking love you guys."

"We fucking love you." Yixing says, pecking Jongdae's lips once then goes back to tying all of the balloons up together. Jongdae is a bit overwhelmed at the people who have shown up and are giving both him and Jongin and grandmother condolences. It's a bit off that some of them just met their mother recently but it still means a lot to Jongdae that they at least showed up to honor her. When Yixing and Saint Zhang finish, they call both Jongin and Jongdae up so they can give a few words. Jongin being the one who is a bit more comfortable speaking in front of others compared to Jongdae, he goes first. When he finishes they all clap but now it's Jongdae's turn and he doesn't know what to say.

"Just tell them how you feel." Jongin whispers, giving his brother a small push. He stands in between Yixing and Jongin, turning his head to look at them both then at Saint Zhang then at his grandmother, followed by his new friends and Sophia and her mom, who is holding Sophia in her arms as she watches Jongdae. He feels brave all of a sudden as he thinks about his mom and what she would've felt if she was here.

"To be honest I wasn't expecting any of this at all. I'm pretty sure the cops will show up any minute and kick us out for 'trespassing'." They all laugh, making Jongdae continue. "I'm sure my mom would've loved for the cops to show up though, after all, she had a bad reputation with them and she was always one for having fun, no matter if the cops showed up or not. They weren't going to ruin her fun at all. I guess in a way I get that from her." Jongdae pauses, feeling Yixing's hand go to his to let him know that he's doing a great job and that he should continue. He looks down at their linked hands then smiles.

"Me and mom never really saw eye to eye on some things, it took me finding out that she's dying for me to give her a chance, and I found out that she was a decent human being. I thought... she wasn't... all these years growing up. She protected me in her own ways, made me happy in her own ways, and even though I don't have that many happy memories of her at all, I would never, _ever_ , trade them for the world. They're precious to me and they'll continue to be precious to me until the day I die. This whole thing will mean a lot to her, _means_ a lot to her, and even though she kind of grew up alone or was isolated sometimes, now she knows that she doesn't have to be and never will be ever again, as soon as she sees these, I know she'll keep them glowing for all of us for a long long time. We could get in trouble from the cops for releasing these balloons without permission, but hey, that's also honoring her too. Thank you all of you for coming, this seriously means a lot to me and my brother, Jongin. And mom, wherever you're heading right now, wherever you are, follow these lights, they'll guide you. They'll always guide you, like I know you'll always guide me and Jongin from now on. Thank you mom. We love you and may you always rest peacefully and in happiness from here on out."

There are claps and some cheers erupting from all of them while Jongdae sighs then pouts as now it is time to release the balloons. He isn't ready but when he feels Yixing by his side, Jongin on his other side and Saint Zhang and everybody else around him, he feels OK. He won't be alone.

"On the count of three!" Saint Zhang yells to get everybody to count with her. "One! Two! THREE!" At three her and Yixing release the balloons, some without strings while the ones they blew up themselves are tied to another balloon so they could float into the sky. Jongdae and Jongin, with tears non stop, watch as the balloons go up and up and somehow following an invisible trail. They're all glowing in different colors, the white balloon making the colors look so beautiful, providing a glow like rainbow trail for their mom to follow. And as the balloons continue to go higher and higher, not a single one falling behind or going to a different direction, Jongdae closes his eyes as he holds Jongin's hand tight, silently thanking his mom for everything. For the good, the bad, the brother she gave him, the father she fell in love with, the family, the new friends, the new mom, the memories, and the boy who made all of this happen. He thanks her for everything and promises that from here on out, she's always going to stay with him and Jongin in their hearts forever.

"I love you, mom. Thank you for everything."

-

It takes Jongdae and his grandmother almost a whole month to finally have everything set for the funeral service. It took them so long to have the service, mainly due to the fact that they did not have the money at all to pay for the expenses. Jongin and Jongdae were more than ok with cremating their mom, but their grandmother felt that her being buried in the same place her dad was will fulfill her last wishes. The thing about that though she never really told them what she wanted. She never, not once talked about if she would liked to be buried or cremated. Not even in a joking matter. She never told them to burn her and spread her ashes around or bury her in the ground so she can turn into a zombie later on and all sorts of creepy horror things like that she was into. So if Jongin and Jongdae felt one way and their grandmother another, they usually took her side to make her happy.

That was also another reason why it took them long. She wasn't really stable at handling anything right now. Jongin had his finals to focus on, Jongdae going to school one day to take his finals due to Saint Zhang's and everybody else's request, and passing with a decent grade, but still worried about the expenses, while their grandmother stayed at home and didn't do much. She made phone calls here and there but it was up to Jongdae to confirm everything and pay for it all.

Jongdae, still being the prideful guy, wouldn't take Luhan's, Junmyeon's, or Kris' money to pay for everything, so him and Yixing will go out and buy cleaning supplies to hold car washes. Everybody pitched in to help but no one was allowed to add their own money. They will do face paintings at kids parties sometimes, dance, sing, perform ball tricks from Minseok Luhan and Kris, and everything they've earned they'll give to Jongdae and Yixing. And whenever their weekends were busy trying to come up with money, their grandmother will be at home not doing much. Saint Zhang told them that she must be depressed. They accepted that and continued to make money.

When they finally set the date, Jongdae realized that they had to pay bills, cancel services that they weren't going to need anymore because they were moving away, start packing because as soon as the funeral service was over they were going to leave town right away. And it hits him even more that he hasn't gotten a chance to try to convince his grandmother to stay at least for a year or until Jongdae turns eighteen. His birthday was only a few months away, she could handle that, then she was free to go back to her life in the next town. But as he realized that he hasn't been convincing her, he realized that she's been the one convincing him. Whenever she talked about taking some bowls to her place, it was always something along the lines of "your mom loved these". Or about packing his mom's clothes up to either put them away or give them away, it was "I'm sure your mother would love to have them back into her old room. You guys are going to love having her stuff near you." He would just smile and nod then walk away.

-

That day the guys invited Jongin and Jongdae to Kris' and Tao's house to hang out for a bit. Kris got accepted to the school he's been wanting to go to for a while and was leaving early to settle in while Junmyeon was still waiting for news about his preferred school. They were going to end up going to different schools but vowed to make things work between them no matter what, and that included the distance. Yixing wanted to talk to the both of them and get tips or ideas on how the two of them will make it work, but he didn't want to come off as someone having the same problem when really him and Jongdae haven't really decided on what's going to happen between them. He's secretly hoping and really hoping it comes true, but he doesn't want Jongin or Jongdae to go and today, the gathering being about being together one last time, neither Jongdae or Jongin want to announce it to their friends at all.

When the two brothers finally show up, after Luhan and Minseok walking through the door first, Jongdae quickly makes a b-line towards Yixing and sits beside him on the white couch, turning his back to him and asking him if he could scratch his back.

"Seriously?"

"Yeah, it's been bugging me during the drive but I couldn't reach." Jongdae says as he arches his back to get Yixing to scratch on the exact spot he wants him to. Yixing laughs as Jongdae keeps squirming around and making noises while Yixing scratches the right spot, when he finally finishes and lays back, Jongdae turns to him and smiles, leaning over him to kiss his lips. "Hi!" 

"Hey!"

"How was your day?" Jongdae asks, cuddling onto Yixing now as Yixing crosses his leg over, making sure it's over Jongdae's leg as well. Their hands automatically find each other and link together as Yixing looks down on him and watches Jongdae only, while Jongdae seems to have eyes only on Yixing also.

"I've missed you."

"Me too." Jongdae replies, as Yixing leans down and kisses Jongdae's lips again. They pull away for a second, Jongdae letting out an airy laugh then pouts to get another kiss from Yixing, but Yixing now being in a playful mood tells him no and laughs at him. "Why not?"

"I like teasing you." Yixing answers truthfully, leaning forward to kiss Jongdae again but Jongdae knows that as soon as he tries to kiss Yixing fully on the lips, he'll move away.

"I hate you."

"No you don't. You love me."

"Ugh, I do." Jongdae adds, moving a little to make himself a bit more comfortable on the couch, but him doing so makes him move away from Yixing a little, so he no longer feels Jongdae's warmth against him and he doesn't like it so he curls up against Jongdae now and kisses his temple.

"Say it."

"Say what?"

"That you love me." Yixing tells him, now half laying on top of Jongdae's chest, looking up at him. Jongdae feings a groan but tells him anyway, and when he tells him, Yixing could see all the love in his eyes, he knows Jongdae always means it too, even when he acts like it's not cool to say something like that out loud. Jongdae's eyes can't tell lies, they always reveal whatever Jongdae is feeling, and aside from everything, Yixing loves Jongdae's eyes the most for that.

"Fine. I love you."

Yixing giggles, cuddling even closer to Jongdae. "I love you too."

"Ugh. Can you two get a room? Why do you guys always do this in front of me?" Jongdae laughs out loud and sits up as soon as Yixing gets off of him. He doesn't miss Luhan and Minseok holding hands then quickly letting go of each other as soon as they sit down across from Jongdae and Yixing. Jongdae though doesn't say anything. He's noticed before that the two of them are close, he just doesn't know how close. _Someone must be in love!_

"Because it's fun doing it in front of you. Why? Are you jealous?" Jongdae asks, reaching over to grab a potato chip from Luhan's bowl.

"You wish, Kim Fucking Jongdae."

"Since when is he 'Fucking'?" Minseok asks, making Jongdae laugh out loud then shake his head after.

"He's in denial. Isn't that right, Luhan?"

"Go suck a nut!" Luhan yells out, throwing a chip at Jongdae then handing the bowl to Minseok so he can get some chips as well.

"Are you cheating on me already? Luhan, how could you?" Jongdae says, trying to see if his little act will work out. _Hoping_ his little plan will work out. Luhan doesn't say anything, doesn't even deny it, while Minseok is looking through the bowl of chips as if trying to find a specific one. He doesn't say anything either, it just further proves Jongdae's suspicion. "If you are, you're free to fully pursue that person, I have Yixing anyway." Luhan quickly turns around to look at him while Minseok looks up as well, both having different expressions on their faces. Minseok is passive, wondering what's going to happen next, while Luhan looks at Jongdae as if he's lost his mind but immediately turns it into a smile, a sly smile.

"Oh is my poor Jongdae upset that I've cheated on him? Don't worry, I'll always run to you if I need you again."

"You're a shit." Jongdae tells him, getting up from the couch now and kissing Luhan's head. Luhan doesn't like it, tries to push Jongdae away while Minseok laughs and looks a bit relieved that Jongdae didn't kiss him somewhere else. Jongdae turns to Yixing before he leaves, winks at him as Yixing laughs then nods as he understands.

"So who are you cheating on Jongdae with?" Yixing asks, making Minseok and Luhan freeze in their seats. "You knows he's just playing right? He doesn't mind you being with someone."

"Oh I didn't know that I was also dating Jongdae as well." Luhan says, reaching over for some chips Minseok seemed to be really interested in. Yixing knows he's listening to the conversation at hand but doesn't want to come off as nosy in case the conversation doesn't involve him.

"Minseok, do you know who it is?" Yixing asks. Luhan automatically turns to look at his friend while Minseok looks up at Yixing, blinks, then laughs as he shrugs a little.

"Sorry, Yixing. How will I know?"

"You two are best friends. I figured he would've told you something about it."

"Oh. Well nope, the shit hasn't told me anything. As soon as I find out something I'll let Jongdae know." Yixing just nods while Luhan just stares at Minseok with wide open eyes then jerks his head to the side as if telling Minseok to follow him somewhere private. When they both leave without announcing where, Jongdae quickly jumps onto the couch besides Yixing reaching for the bowl of chips to share with him.

"So you think something's up with them?" Yixing asks, reaching for a chip from the bowl on Jongdae's lap.

"Oh I was just trying to get them to leave so we can get the bowl of chips to ourselves." Yixing laughs out loud then shakes his head at his boyfriend.

"You're a little shit you know that, right?"

"I'm _your_ little shit. But yeah, those two are secretly dating or like each other but don't know how to admit it."

"Kind of like us?"

"Kind of like us." Jongdae agrees, turning his head to the side to peck Yixing's lips.

-

"So at what time does the service start?" Kris asks, Suho by his side holding his hand and leaning onto his leg while Baekhyun cuddles him on the other side, Kris' hand playing with Sehun's hair every now and then as he sat beside Baekhyun and is cuddling him as well.

"Around noon, but I'll try getting there at 11 since it's pretty far." Jongdae says as Jongin leans onto him and plays with his hand while Yixing sits on his other side. Things mellowed down for a bit as soon as everyone arrived so now everyone was hanging out in the living room area, the TV playing some sort of action movie that no one seems to be paying attention to in low volume while they all ask Jongin and Jongdae the details for their mother's funeral service.

"Is it weird, you know... Without her?" Tao asks, getting a pinch from Sehun, obviously to make him shut up. "Ow Sehun! What?"

"Of course its weird, you don't ask that sort of question to anyone."

"Its probably not weird for them since they're obviously here with us instead of at home crying, Sehun!" Tao states matter of factly which makes Sehun sit up and stare at the brothers.

"Damn you're right. Your grandmother let you guys come? She didn't ask you guys to stay or anything?"

Yixing feels a small squeeze over his knee coming from Jongdae, glancing over and seeing Jongin no doubt squeeze Jongdae's hand as well. He knows what's coming. _He's going to tell them._

"Actually... We have something to tell you guys." Jongdae speaks up. Jongin is now looking down at the floor, afraid to look at anyone in the eye. _He doesn't want to go. They don't want to go at all._

"What is it?" Junmyeon asks, sitting up straight now to pay attention to what Jongdae has to say. Yixing looks over at everyone. Kris, Junmyeon, Baekhyun and Sehun are sitting in front of the couch in front of them, Chanyeol sitting on the floor strumming his guitar, or was strumming his guitar, he stopped since Jongdae said he had something to say. Kyungsoo is beside Jongin and Minseok and Luhan are sitting on the love seat together, turning the TV off to listen to what Jongdae has to say. _He doesn't want to tell them._

"We-"

"We told her that it may be our last chance to hang out together since Kris is leaving for school soon, so she let us go!" Jongin announces instead, his hand still linked with Jongdae's. Jongdae immediately nods then laughs. "We're going to miss you, Kris! Especially your money." Jongin jokes but Jongdae is the only one who laughs out loud that then nods as he supposedly agrees.

"I'll still be here." Tao exclaims but Jongin just turns to look at him, looking not that impressed if he's honest.

"I see you everyday. I no longer get to see Kris as much, I'll miss him." Jongdae nods as once again he agrees with Jongin, but that's sort of his way of saying goodbye to Kris as well. If Jongdae adds something else they'll definitely catch on.

"Aww Jongin. Don't worry, we can see each other every time I come back to town. I promise." Kris then gets up, Jongin following after him as they proceed to hug, a long tight one from Jongin's request since Kris was already pulling away but Jongin wanted to keep on hugging. Jongdae sat quietly, feeling Yixing's hand rub his back, biting his tongue to keep from admitting the truth and to keep from crying. They don't want to make this harder than it is. It's a day to hang out with Kris, not a day to say goodbye to the brothers at all. When Jongdae looks over at Yixing, he sees his eyes water but doesn't let any of his tears spill. It wouldn't be fair to have only Yixing know about their situation. He can't do that to him.

"Me and Jongin are moving towns with our grandmother!"

"What?!" A chorus of them are being yelled out while Jongdae stands there waiting for something. Jongin is now crying into Kris' chest, waiting for something to happen as well as he doesn't want to look up at all.

"Are you serious?" Baekhyun asks, getting angry now. "And you guys weren't going to tell us?"

"Baekhyun." Junmyeon warns but Baekhyun is up on his feet and walking towards Jongdae.

"Why were you going to keep this from us, Jongdae? I thought we were friends. You guys can't leave! This is your home." Jongdae then wraps his arms around Baekhyun, everybody realizing now that Baekhyun has started to cry. They all have to admit that they weren't expecting this, so everyone is either upset at the news or crying because they're leaving. It's mostly Sehun, Tao, and Jongin who are crying while Baekhyun and Yixing are crying silently.

"We didn't want to make it harder saying goodbye if we told you." Jongdae says, feeling Baekhyun hug him tighter. Jongin pulls away from Kris then goes to his friends who are welcoming him with open arms so they can cry together. Jongin, Sehun, Tao, and Kyungsoo have known each other since they were kids. Jongin grew up in that town now they had to leave. With Jongdae, it's a different story. He did grow up there but to him its a town that was nothing but bad to him, nothing good ever came out of living there, so if Jongdae admits that he doesn't mind leaving its because of that.

"But what about us? What about Yixing?" When Baekhyun asks that everyone turns to look at Yixing. Luhan is sitting beside him and rubbing his back as Yixing's hands are covering his mouth letting his tears fall down. Yixing nods then removes his hands away so he can speak up.

"We kind of talked about it the day their mom passed away. Having no other parent though, their custody goes straight to her which means-"

"She's the one who decides what's good for them." Minseok finishes. Yixing and Jongdae nod while the others sit there trying to think of something they can do.

"What about your mom, Yixing? She can't take them in?" Chanyeol asks, still sitting on the floor as Baekhyun sits down beside him and curls into him so he can cry.

"I've told her and she'll be more than happy to since she loves them both, but it's all up to their grandmother to decide." Everyone's attention is on Jongdae now as he stands by his brother trying to comfort him.

"What did your grandmother say?" Minseok asks.

Jongdae shrugs then frowns, looking down at his hands as he doesn't know how to say it. "I- To be-" 

"Hyung hasn't gotten a chance to talk to her about it. Whenever he tried she just brought the funeral up and at the same time made us pack stuff up. We couldn't find it in ourselves to ask her or talk to her about it. She's depressed and I think as soon as she's back home she'll be OK." Jongdae sort of expects everyone to yell at him so he waits for it. When it doesn't come though, Minseok gets up and walks towards Jongdae, his arms stretched wide as he pulls him into a hug.

"We're going to miss you. Both you and Jongin." He mumbles, as Jongdae's arms go around Minseok as well, burying his face onto his shoulder and starts to cry.

"I'm sorry we didn't try. Or _I_ couldn't try. It will only be for a year though. We'll be back. I promise." Jongdae whispers against Minseok. Minseok nods then pulls away, patting Jongdae's shoulder as he smiles at him.

"You don't have to apologize. Never apologize for anything else again, you hear me?"

Jongdae nods. "I hear you." They hug one more time and Minseok pulls away letting the others follow his lead as he now goes to hug Jongin but the young ones are crying harder now and don't want to let their best friend go.

"Its just for a year, you guys." Kyungsoo tells them, trying to pry Jongin away from Sehun and Tao.

"But it was going to be _our_ senior year. We were going to do lots of stuff together. We've talked about it for a long time." Sehun cries as Tao cries out an agreement.

"Its not fair that Jongin has to go. It's just one more year then he's out of school! Why can't you guys stay?!" It's then that Yixing immediately grabs onto Jongdae's hand and drags him away as they run off outside. Jongdae was starting to feel really upset that he didn't try hard enough to get him and Jongin to stay, especially for Jongin. He needed some fresh air that very moment or Jongdae was going to break down.

"Thanks, Yixing."

"Anytime." They don't say anything else after that, but lean onto the parked car outside and cry silently together for a bit until Jongdae is ready to go back inside.

-

The day of the service was a gloomy day. It wasn't raining or anything but the sky, the people, everything, was just gloomy. It was almost as if the colors of the world disappeared. The trees were green, the cars had their distinguished colors, the sky was half blue while the other was covered in grey clouds, but it almost seemed like everything was in black and white. It was making Jongdae sick looking at the people's sad faces. Whenever they approached him and Jongin, whatever conversation they had at hand immediately stopped just to put on a sad face and apologize for the loss they had. Jongdae immediately established the situation for his grandmother. It was something that needed to be done for her to feel at least a bit better. He was going to pull through it.

When Yixing and Saint Zhang showed up, they avoided kissing in front of Jongdae's grandmother. They did hug but kissing was off limits right now. They felt that it wouldn't be right if they did that in front of her so they held back. When Stacey and Sophia showed up, along with Jongdae's father's family, Jongdae immediately ran to his other grandmother and cried against her, holding her grandson and doing her very best to comfort him. Yixing watched as Jongdae tried very hard to appear strong in front of everyone but he was really missing his mother and crying into his other grandmother's arms, proved that. When he pulled away and wiped his tears away he smiled, thanking her for coming. He wrapped an arm around his grandmother's and led her to his other grandmother and Jongin who stayed still as they watched the whole thing.

"Yixing!" A small voice yelled out. _Sophia!_ She was running towards him while the others, including her mom, stayed behind to offer their condolences while she ran off towards a familiar face.

"Why is Jongdae so sad? He keeps crying." She tells him as Yixing lifts her up in his arms and kisses her cheek. It takes Yixing a minute to process that what she just said was in English.

"Sophie! You just spoke in English!" He says cheerfully as she blushes then nods once. She silences his lips by pressing her finger to them. "Oh is it a secret?" He asks her, she nods again then turns towards Jongdae's direction.

"I've been learning. I thought it would make Jongdae happy if I tell him, but everyone keeps keeping him away." Yixing smiles as she meant hogging him but kisses her cheek once then puts her down as he crouches down to her level.

"Let's go tell him together." She nods and takes Yixing's hand with hers, slowly walking towards Jongdae as he continues to greet the new arrivals.

When the service starts, a big black casket in the middle with a flower arrangement on top, chairs in front of it for the people to sit, a pastor standing in front of it as he talks, inviting a small handful of people to go up to talk about special memories or how the person was like, it all goes through Jongdae's head but he's not really registering anything. He's holding Sophia in his arms right now, whispering to him whatever she wants to say to him, kissing his small tears away, playing with his tie or hair and every now and then pouting because her grandmother or mother are telling her to keep quiet. Jongdae doesn't mind though. He's feeling numb that very moment and the only thing that's keeping him together is Sophia in his arms. He wants this over already.

"Oh. I found it." Sophia whispers, pulling out a small sunflower from her pocket. "Your mommy gave it to me when we met." She puts the sunflower on his hair then smiles at him. "It's pretty. Your mommy told me that too." Jongdae can't help but start to cry again as that's the best thing anyone has told him so far. Sophia just told him her favorite memory of his mom and that makes him feel so much better now. He hugs Sophia to his chest a bit tighter now, while she reaches into her pocket again and pulls out a tissue to wipe his tears away.

-

That evening at the small venue they rented for after the funeral service, Jongdae apologized to his family and said goodbye to them as well, as he had to go somewhere. Yixing was almost dragging Jongdae away as Sophia didn't want him to go but Stacey felt that he had to, so she picked Sophia up in her arms and told Jongdae that it will be ok. She'll take care of Sophia. Jongdae smiled at her and kissed her cheek, thanking her as Jongdae runs off with Yixing, the rest of their friends running out as well. No one knew what was going on, and maybe a part of them didn't want to know but no one stopped them.

They had to drive in separate cars, making a stop at a convenience store, Jongdae wanting to steal some beers to honor his mom but Kris being the tallest and looking like he's of age, offered to pay, almost not getting away with it, but at the last second they believed him and let him take the case of beers. They got back in the cars and continued the drive, arriving at the beach just in time to watch the sunset there. It was a beautiful colorful sunset, some guys already opening up the beer bottles to take a drink and pass it along to the others while some of them took off their socks and shoes and ran towards the water. Jongdae watched them all, laughing at their antics as he walked slowly towards the water. This is the kind of service his mother would've liked. Would've preferred. And if they get arrested, even better.

When he finally reaches the water, waiting for the cold water to hit him but instead his feet get engulfed with warm water, he smiles and smiles wide. He starts to jump around and go a bit further in the water, kicking water at anyone who is near him. When the others watch him, they all follow too, splashing water at each other, throwing mud at each other or pushing someone to fall in the water as the others run away to avoid that fate. They're all laughing and passing bottles along to each other, having fun under the sunset sun all in honor of Jongdae's and Jongin's mother. When the sun is now starting to set they all sit on the sand in silence as they watch the sun disappear into the horizon.

"To Jongin's and Jongdae's mom!!!" Kris yells out, raising his bottle in the air towards the sunset. The others notice and do the same.

"To their mom!!!" They all yell out, drinking the whole bottle empty. When Jongdae finishes he turns to Yixing, who finished his bottle after Jongdae, stretching his arm out to bring Jongdae between his legs and kiss the side of his head. Jongdae takes a breath in while his eyes are closed, and when he slowly exhales out and opens his eyes, he's happy. His mother's funeral service was today but he's pleased with himself knowing that this is what she would've wanted. He'll be OK from now on.

-

Jongdae woke up with a sigh ready on his lips that Sunday morning. Today was the day that him and Jongin were leaving with their grandmother, and honestly he just wanted to sleep all day to avoid the situation. Jongdae being a bad sleeper though, was as usual, the first to wake up and him never one to sleep late or take naps that much he knew that he was moving away whether he liked it or not. He looked over to his side as Jongin was sleeping soundly beside him. He smiled at him, lightly poking his cheek which caused Jongin to flinch slightly at the touch. He smiled and sat up a little, reaching for his phone to check for messages. There was one from Sehun, apparently Jongin never texted him back so he wanted to ask Jongdae at what time they'll be leaving. There was another from Junmyeon and Kris, but he didn't look at it at all as a message from Luhan caught his attention.

_I think I'm in love with Minseok!_

"About time, you shit!" Jongdae whispers as he texts Luhan back. He hopes Luhan mans up one more time to tell Minseok how he feels before they go their separate ways. They'll be playing soccer but going to different schools but it turns out that Minseok will probably play for a year as he's interested in learning about business the most. Jongdae wasn't surprised after Minseok made him a coffee the day of the funeral service. He'll make an excellent coffee shop owner.

Yixing hasn't texted him yet, it doesn't surprise him. He's leaving him, _again_ but it will give Jongdae the chance to work for the whole year while Yixing goes to school. While he works he'll save up and after Jongin graduates he'll move in with Yixing somewhere in a small apartment while Jongin is away getting a degree in dance. He hopes this plan works out, _will_ make it work, but for now they have to be ok with having a relationship with a laptop and a webcam.

"Hyung?"

"You're awake?" Jongdae asks as he heard Jongin speak. Jongin's always had a small habit of mumbling in his sleep sometimes so Jongdae was making sure. "Yeah I'm awake."

"What's up?"

"We're leaving today, how do you feel?"

"It could be worse." Jongdae answers, texting Luhan as he received a reply right away.

"I mean leaving Yixing behind." Jongin says, looking up at his brother now as he continues to lay on his stomach.

"What about you? You're leaving Kyungsoo behind as well."

"We'll be ok." Jongin answers truthfully. "I'm more worried about you. I feel that us leaving, Grandma won't let you see Yixing as much as you want."

"What about you?" Jongdae asks, genuinely wondering what Jongin will do without seeing Kyungsoo as much.

"Truth be told, I don't care what she thinks about me and Kyungsoo, he's always been my best friend and always will be. We just so happen to have some sort of feelings towards each other, but I do care what she thinks of you and Yixing and I think she doesn't really like it." Jongdae nods as he takes the new information in but shrugs at the end, sets his phone down, laying back down and looks at Jongin.

"We'll be ok. As long as I have you, I'll make it through this year without him."

"I kind of don't like that you're doing this because of me."

"Well it wouldn't happen any other way, because like I told you, I've promised you that I'll always stay by your side and staying by your side I'll always do." Jongdae presses a kiss on Jongin's forehead then snuggles closer to him as he takes the blanket and puts it over himself as well. "Let's get some sleep."

"Ok hyung. I love you."

"I love you too, Jonginie."

-

"Fuck I can't believe you're leaving!" Luhan tells him as they're waiting at the bus station for Jongdae and Jongin to board the bus. Their grandmother went off to confirm which bus they were taking so they stay behind as their friends were showing up one by one to say goodbye, again.

"Well believe it lover boy, you're finally going to be free from me." Jongdae tells Luhan as he pats Luhan's back as hard as he can. It makes Luhan fall forward a little but quickly composes himself to glare at Jongdae.

"Which is why I can't believe it. Do me a favor, send me nude pics when you can, ok?" Jongdae laughs out loud as that will never happen but pulls Luhan into a hug anyway and continues to pat Luhan's back as hard as he can. Why was their friendship like this? They'll never know but it was a way for the two of them to get along so they always went it.

"Not until you send Minseok one of your parts."

"My parts?"

"Yes Luhan, your parts. Jeez." Jongin just laughs at the two of them, shaking his head at them but when he turns his head at the side he spots Sehun and Tao running towards them with their arms spread wide. "And they say our friendship is weird." Jongdae says as he notices the three of them run towards each other, Kyungsoo quietly walking towards them as he blushes out of embarrassment.

"I know. I'm with you."

"I'm serious about Minseok though. Tell him before I board the bus or you can forget the name Kim Jongdae for the rest of your life and get to know Chen instead."

"Who's Chen?"

"You don't want to know. But know that I'm very serious about it." Jongdae then starts poking Luhan nonstop until Sehun and Tao turn their attention to Jongdae and pull him into a hug as well. As they continue hugging him and crying that they'll miss him and making Jongdae promise them that he'll miss them too, Jongdae groans as Baekhyun and Chanyeol are suddenly running towards him and yelling at the two young ones to back off Jongdae because "he's Baekhyun's". Luhan just laughs at him getting a kick from Jongdae on the shin.

"Look who's here lover boy. You know what to do." Jongdae says, jerking his chin towards Minseok's direction. Luhan grumbles as he turns around and walks towards Minseok, telling him to follow him to go buy coffee somewhere, Minseok following along. Jongdae doesn't get free from Chanyeol or Baekhyun until Kris and Junmyeon show up, along with his grandmother, pulling him into a hug, wishing him good bye and handing both Jongin and Jongdae a present. They're excited to find out what it is until they open it and find that they both got matching alpacas with some pirate hat on and a different colored scarf around the stuffed animal's neck.

"The scarves were my idea while Kris wanted an alpaca to give to the two of you since he has a similar one back at home." The look on Junmyeon's face is so priceless, Jongdae pulls him into a hug one more time and thanks him, thanking Kris as well and commenting how the stuffed thing will make a good pillow, but it only offends Kris as he rips it away from Jongdae and hold it in his arms.

"Ace is not a pillow. He's a companion and a captain. He'll lead the journey well."

"Oh my God, I'm going to miss you a lot." Jongdae cries out, hugging Kris one more time. When he pulls away the person, or persons, he's been looking forward to the most finally arrived but unfortunately they have to start boarding now. They walk outside and towards the bus they have to board, Jongdae crying now as he says goodbye to Saint Zhang. She's crying also and playfully smacks his arm as its his fault that she's crying but he laughs and pulls her into a tight hug. "You have no idea where I would be without you."

"I can take a guess but this is better. Hugging and crying, will always be better."

"I'm going to miss you so much Saint Zhang."

"Same, honey. Same. But we can use technology now, we can webcam each other when we can, and by the end of the year you'll be back. And we can go out and get our nails done professionally." Jongdae laughs as he remembers the spa day they had during the week Yixing was away. It makes him cry again, making her coo at him and wipe his tears away.

"I love you, my precious angel."

"I love you too, beautiful Saint." They hug one more time, not saying goodbye as they'll cam each other as soon as he arrives, but also because they can't find it in themselves to say the actual words _goodbye_. They pull away and Saint Zhang moves away letting Yixing go next now, making Jongdae cry even more now.

"Fuck, fuck, fuck." Jongdae mumbles.

"I know."

"Just a year?" Jongdae asks.

Yixing nods as he confirms it. "Just a year. Then later on today when you get there."

Jongdae nods, wiping a tear away. "I can't say it, Yixing."

"Then don't. Just say you love me." Jongdae smiles a little, kissing Yixing hard on the lips as Yixing kisses him back. There's tears falling from the two of them, their arms tightly around each other and the kiss keeps getting deeper and deeper.

"I love you."

"I love _you_."

"I have to go now." Jongdae whispers, his forehead pressing with Yixing's. Yixing nods, pecking Jongdae's lips one more time then steps back, standing with his friends and mom while Jongdae takes a step back as his grandmother and Jongin are starting to board. He waves at him and everyone else one more time, a sad smile on his lips and tears flowing non stop down his face as everyone waves back. Luhan and Minseok finally show up, their hands clasped together and raiding them in the air to show Jongdae the news, similar smiles on their faces. He laughs out loud at them, doing a small punch to the air, waving goodbye at them after. When he takes the first step in the bus, he looks at Yixing one more time, standing there as he watches him while crying, he pouts at him does a peace sign towards him, Yixing returning it back. Something the two of them always did when they took pictures together or of each other. And with that, Jongdae turns around, the doors closing behind him and climbs the steps further up. Yixing ends up closing his eyes as he can't bare watch Jongdae leaving, feeling his friends and mom around him but no longer feels Jongdae.

"He's gone." He whispers. Wishing he did everything he could to get him to stay.

He doesn't know how long he's standing there waiting for Jongdae to come back or for it to finally sink in that Jongdae is gone. But it doesn't come. So he stands still, cries with his eyes closed and forces himself to accept the fact that the bus is leaving and with it, Jongdae.

"Wait the bus is stopping!" Sehun yells out, Yixing opens his eyes to see in fact that the bus is stopping at the corner. "Something must be wrong." A big part of Yixing wants to run towards the bus and ask what's wrong but standing right where he is is the best bet.

"Some people are getting off!" Tao yells out as he notices people getting off but can't make out who it is. Yixing is starting to feel butterflies in his stomach again. He shouldn't be feeling butterflies in his stomach or his hopes will go up and be disappointed if the people getting off is not Jongin and Jongdae. After what seems like long minutes the bus starts to move again, slowly revealing who it is that's standing at the corner. When the bus is completely gone, two big beautiful smiles with so much sunshine they can give off are spread across the faces of Jongin and Jongdae. Yixing is crying, laughing, and smiling as wide as he can back at them now. He can't believe they got off the bus. Jongdae is off the bus and not leaving! Jongdae is staying.

"She decided to let us stay at the last minute!" Jongin yells out as Sehun, Tao, and Kyungsoo are running towards them now. Yixing doesn't know if he should run towards them as well, run towards Jongdae, but he can't help but stand there and cry and watch his boyfriend and how beautiful he looks. Letting the fact sink in that he almost lost Jongdae again and promising himself that he will never grow ungrateful again. He'll always be thankful of Jongdae's sunshine like smile, Jongdae's laugh, Jongdae's kisses and touches, Jongdae's beauty, Jongdae's everything. He's engraving the image of Jongdae standing at the corner, holding a stuffed alpaca in one arm while the other holds a bag and is wearing a backpack and the most amazing tear filled smile on his face. When the image is forever engraved into his memories, Yixing wipes his eyes a little and starts to run.

"Jongdae!" Yixing yells out, running towards him and getting closer now, not bothering to slow down at all. He clashes right onto him, making Jongdae drop everything and laugh out loud as they almost fell to the ground together but Jongdae is quickly silenced when Yixing kisses him and kisses him so hard and deeply and with so much love and passion, Jongdae has to kiss him back with the same intensity his hands on Yixing's face while Yixing holds Jongdae's waist and pushes him closer to his body. When they pull away, Yixing doesn't let up, keeps holding Jongdae as tight as he can, no one separating them ever again, which makes Jongdae laugh and kiss Yixing's lips again. "You're staying!" 

"I'm staying." Jongdae nods. "She decided last minute that we wouldn't be happy over there so she let us get off. She'll call your mom later to work something out but for the most part, we're staying."

"You're staying!!" Yixing yells out, so much happiness in his voice Jongdae gets sucked in and has to yell it out as well.

"I'm staying!!"

"You're staying with me!"

"I'm staying with you!" Jongdae yells out after Yixing, the two of them laughing together, holding each other as tight as they can, their foreheads pressing together as they feel their warm breaths against each other's faces. "I can't believe she let us stay. Fuck I'm so happy. I just... I Love you, Yixing. Fuck! I love you so much, no one is going to separate us ever again it's just you and me. I promise you."

"I promise you that too." Yixing says, kissing Jongdae to seal the promise together. There's just one thing left though."

Jongdae buries his eyebrows together as he can't figure out what's left. "What?"

"Kim Jongdae, will you stay with me?" Jongdae smiles then laughs after. All this time Jongdae has been asking Yixing to stay with him and he always has, now it's Yixing's turn to ask. Without hesitation and with a quick peck to Yixing's lips Jongdae nods, a smile spreading across their faces.

"Always, Zhang Yixing. I'll always stay with you." Jongdae replies, the two of them once again sealing the promises to each other with a passionate kiss and all of their love they feel towards one another to make sure they keep that promise _always._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **The end.**
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> (OoO) I can't believe it's finally the end. Wow. I also can't believe that I actually finished this. And the biggest thing is that people actually read this, subscribed, commented, favorited, voted or even liked this whole thing. In all honesty, I didn't expect anyone to like this at all, maybe at least one or two people but never to the extent that it's gotten now. It's unreal to me and always will be. For a fic that has spelling errors, could've been written better, wasn't beta'd at all, was cheesy as heck, and was my first time trying something new and different, I think I did a decent job. It was fun, nerve-wracking, surprising, emotional, upsetting, so many emotions and feelings, I don't regret it at all.
> 
> Thank you to each and every single one of you for reading, commenting, glancing at it, leaving your nice comments that always made my day, to the people who are known as silent readers, thank you to you too. This fic wouldn't be here without any of you, so seriously from the bottom of my heart thank you so much. I wanted to repay you all by going out and sending you all small little care packages but I didn't feel right about it at the end, but please know that it means the world to me that you guys would even show a small interest to this. Thank you, thank you, thank you. ^^
> 
> Now, I know the story is over but I decided to add a series to it. A small series of oneshots that will take place in the future, sort of, so be on the look out for that. It will most likely be about Halloween, Christmas and things like that. The series being called Stay With Me; Always. Hopefully they turn out as good as the original fic. In regards to Jongin's and Jongdae's mom passing away, I would love to say that there's an alternative ending to it, but really there isn't and will never will be. You're welcome to let me know your thoughts or ideas on what could happen in this alternative ending, but I will not write it up at all. Sorry.
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> I know I have so much to say, I _want_ to have so much to say but nothing is popping up, so I'll end it here. Thank you for everything, hopefully another idea pops in mind and I get started right away with it, this time more prepared, and keep releasing more XingDae fics. Or fics in general. That being said, enjoy Yixing's solo, and the ChenBaekXi sub-unit as well. They'll be amazing and will need all of the love and support from all of us. ^^
> 
> The playlist I promised until the end of the fic can be found **[here!!!](http://8tracks.com/piratenat/stay-with-me)** Or on tumblr **[here!!!](http://sjabe.tumblr.com/post/152373629337/playlist-for-the-jongdae-and-yixing-fanfiction)** Thank you to each and every one of you that suggested/ recommended a song.^^ I hope you guys like it. Let me know what you think.^^
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> Stay With Me is available on Asianfanfics! So if you’re interested on reading there, you can do so **[here!](https://www.asianfanfics.com/story/view/1110551/stay-with-me-chenlay-xingdae-highschoolau-laychen-kimjongbros-minorcharacterdea-punkau/18)** See you there! ^^
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> *If you're interested in messaging me on tumblr or giving it a follow or want to chat anytime or simply just want to check it out, you can do so  **[here!](http://sjabe.tumblr.com/)** Its a bad edits side blog so I can't follow back, but if you want me to, let me know and I'll follow back from my main. ^^ I'm trying to be more social on there, so talk to me there! ^^ Sometimes I make fake subs of XingDae being a married couple with their NCT China line babies called Husbands Of Changsha Seoul, or make random text posts about them. Either way, check it out, follow me, or message me there if you have any questions or want to know anything, I'll gladly answer them. ^^For the last time I guess, thank you so so much. I'm going to go cry now because I have nothing to do but cry because I'll miss writing this. Have a great day or night! ^^ ✌☺*
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> **Oneshot Series here: [Stay With Me; Always](http://archiveofourown.org/series/570268)!!! (Subscribe to the series to find out when the next update will be posted! ^^) Or if you want to read on AFF instead then click **[here!!!](http://www.asianfanfics.com/story/view/1189956/stay-with-me-always-chenlay)** Thank you!!! Enjoy! ^^**


	26. Update!

This is just an update that will later on get deleted after, just to announce that the series of oneshots will get posted [here](http://archiveofourown.org/series/570268). I hope that's ok. If you want to know anything that may have been left out or you want to see something happen throughout the oneshots, let me know and I'll either add it in or let you know myself. Thank you to all of you. I hope the oneshots turn out ok and that you all find them enjoyable like the main story, and I'll see you guys at the oneshots series. ^^ This update will get deleted and the link for the oneshots will get posted at the of the chapter of Stay With Me, just in case. Have a fanstastic day or night. Bye! ^^

**Oneshot Series here: [Stay With Me; Always](http://archiveofourown.org/series/570268)!!! (Subscribe to the series to find out when the next update will be posted! ^^) Or if you want to read on AFF instead then click **[here!!!](http://www.asianfanfics.com/story/view/1189956/stay-with-me-always-chenlay)** **


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